Begrizzled homo-loving son of a gun Sean Penn will be starring in a film about drugs. It's a Brian Grazer-produced film called Cartel and is a sorta revengey, child protect-y kinda movie. [Variety] David Ayer, who's previously dazzled us with such fare like the baroque LA crime flick Harsh Times and the broke-ass LA crime Keanu Reeves movie Street Kings, has received a seven figure deal from Regency to write and direct a film called Last Man, about American soldiers in space dukin' it out with frakking aliens. [Variety]

Fox has picked up the screen rights to the book Mr. Popper's Penguins. They plan to turn the 1938 publication into a thriller about what happens when the air conditioning is on too high at the Abbey. [Variety]

Begrizzled immigrant-loving wielder of a gun Melissa Leo, of Frozen River Oscar nodding, has signed on to a new HBO pilot. She'll be playing a lawyer in Treme, David Simon's New Orleans-set followup to The Wire. [Variety] Meanwhile at a project of completely equal prestige, former Ugly Betty transsexual Rebecca Romijn has signed on to play the lead in the Witches of Eastwick pilot for ABC. [Variety]

Michael J. Fox is returning to television, in a reality show called Michael J. Fox: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist, in which he travels the world spreading good cheer. You just shut yer damn trap right now, Limbaugh. [Variety] Meanwhile a TV star of today makes Bambi steps toward movie stardom. Leighton Meester of Gossip Girl will star in the totally-mid-90's-ish thriller The Roommate, about a college student whose roommate becomes obsessed with her, Single White Female style. In that movie, Jennifer Jason Leigh was Bridget Fonda's, um, roommate. [THR]

Oh awesome. The wonderful Missy Pyle, Chris Parnell, and Deanne Dunagan are set to star in a CBS comedy pilot. Parnell and Pyle have been doing funny work in TV and film for years now, but Chicago actress Dunagan is probably best known for her ferocious, every-award-possible-winning turn in the play August: Osage County. She'll play a Southern mother making things difficult for an East Coast-transplant couple. [THR]

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It was business as usual on the Brooklyn set of the popular CW series Gossip Girl as stars Leighton Meester and Blake Lively engaged in yet another catfight to boost cast and crew morale after a long and tiresome day of production. Meester and Lively feel like the occasional bout of hair-pulling and pillow fighting sets a good example for the other cast members and are reportedly encouraging their co-stars Taylor Momsen and Michelle Trachtenberg to follow suit. Lively said, "The grips and gaffers seem to get a real kick out of it which helps. The makeup people, not so much, but it really helps you get into the scene. Like a shot of adrenaline into the heart."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pic]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

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On the Manhattan set of Gossip Girl, Leighton Meester tried to use her script to shield herself from the sun, photographers, and any Blake Lively/Penn Badgley full throttle make out sessions. Meester doesn't mind that her co stars are enjoying their relationship, it's just that she minds the fact that it happens all the time: in between takes, while setting up the lights, while at lunch, in line at Starbucks, Waverly Inn and on the L train. Meester said, "I love people in love, but sometimes, you need to be considerate of those around and take it into a dark alley or your trailer."

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

First, a closer look at the "sexy" ads in question, which include pull-quotes suggesting just how much closer potential viewers will get to the cool kids' table. Watching this show is so dangerous! Your parents will have nightmares just thinking about the (sort of) short skirts Blair wears! Do the nasty!

Sadly, progressively heightening a show's sex appeal with ever-so-slightly hotter ads might not be the wisest move. After Buffy got the shove-off to the vintage UPN, Sarah Michelle Gellar was photographed posing in that trademark Cosmo cover stance, suggestively, maybe, possibly, on the verge of masturbation. One season later, and the series' ashes lived on in that icky spin-off Angel. As for Beverly Hills: 90210, the standard smiley group shot used in promos rarely veered far off course. But once Season 10 wheezed its final pointless breath, Donna and her new boobs sat front and center, Kelly was forced to be groped by New Brandon Replacement #47, and Steve Sanders was permitted to play "sexy" while raising a risqué, black denim-clad leg around New Brenda Replacement #287. And the poor OC decided that turning Marissa into a lesbian wasn't quite sordid enough, so the previously wholesome ads ended, along with the series, with uber-tanned Mischa pushing whatever boobage she had together in the sand, while Ryan appeared ready to give her the old in-and-out from behind (Chino-style!).

Oops. After the sight of Rachel and Monica passionately making out giving each other a friendly peck failed to increase ratings for Dirt, some genius thought the image of Courteney Cox covered in actual dirt (get it?!) would do the trick. But rather than getting new viewers all hot and bothered, everyone just felt, well, dirty (get it?! Sigh.) Finally, the recently canceled L Word used a rather obvious promotional image by shoving all the chic lipstick lesbians together in one big ol' nude orgy party. The problem with this image? See the previous sentence (specifically, the "canceled" part).

• OMG! CHECK OUT THE SEXY NEW 'GOSSIP GIRL' ADS! [People]

Best Actress, Comedy
Yes on Tina Fey, yes on Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. They're locks, as are one or two of the housewives who are desperate and Bettys who are ugly. Why not go a little outside the box and nominate Greek's Spencer Grammer, who delivers funny jokes about college booze and Joey Fatone with aplomb. The show deserves some recognition for being consistently good.

Best Actor, Comedy
Though not technically eligible, Thomas Lennon deserves recognition for anchoring Reno: 911! (as do the ladies). In terms of performances that could actually be nominated, why not Bret McKenzie or Jemaine Clement, who are sweet and weird and wonderful on HBO's Flight of the Conchords? They could do a musical acceptance speech!

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy
I'd love to see Conchords' Kristen "Mel" Schaal get a nod for being a deceptively sweet stalker, but I think The Office's Melora Hardin most deserves the recognition. For the dinner party episode alone, in which she danced soulfully to terrible music and passive-aggressively (and later flat-out aggressively) waged war with Michael, Hardin should get every accolade in the book.

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy
Tracy Morgan, Tracy Morgan, Tracy Morgan. Funniest man on television right now, for my money. Seemingly about to spin-off the planet at any time, without warning, the 30 Rock star brings much needed batshit insanity to the usually buttoned-up world of network sitcoms.

Best Actress, Drama
Jeanne Tripplehorn will hopefully get the nomination (and win) that she deserves for her astounding, sad, thoughtful work on Big Love. Would also be nice to see The Hills' Audrina Patridge, who brought a melancholy stillness to her Audrina character this season.

Best Actor, Drama
Unfortunately, there were no good performances ever on HBO's The Wire, so there shouldn't be any nominations from that show. (Maybe reverse psychology will work!) That dude from Mad Men will probably get a nomination and win. Oh, and I guess that Kyle Chandler fellow from that show with the whiniest supporters, Friday Night Lights.

Best Supporting Actress, Drama
Jennifer Carpenter from Dexter is funny and warm and smart on that funny and cold and calculating series. I'd also give a nomination to Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer, who has deftly played a zillion different iterations of the same Cylon over the years. Oh and give one to Yunjin Kim from Lost, if only for that wrenching keening during the season finale's helicopter rescue scene.

Best Supporting Actor, Drama
BSG's Tahmoh Penikett should get a nomination just so I can see him on the red carpet in a tuxedo. Again, it's a pity there weren't good actors on The Wire. Surely there must be some murderous, scarred, whistling black fellow or slimy police official who is deserving? No? There isn't? OK, fair enough.

Best Comedy
I'd love to see The Paper up there. Witty, winning, and all-too-brief, the MTV reality series about a Floridian high school newspaper depicted, with both humor and kindness, the daily miseries of youthful conviction. Or, since we're tearing down the reality wall here, what about TLC's Little People, Big World, a thoroughly engrossing (and funny) study of nothing less than the American dream.

Best Drama
Baltimore.

So, that's who I'd like to see. Among many others, of course. Actually, fuck it. Just give Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester all of the Emmys.

Who would you nominate? What's one perennial nominee or critics' darling that just irks you? Mine would be Rescue Me. And, um, Boston Legal.

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Gossip Girl Leighton Meester propositioned her Entourage co-star Adrian Grenier as a means to fight off boredom. Meester told Grenier that it wouldn't mean anything, it'd just be a little harmless kissing. Grenier thought about it for a moment, but said that he's kind of involved with somebody at the moment. Jerry Ferrara, better known as Turtle, quickly offered up his services as a time killer to Meester, but she said that she'll get back to him on that one.

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

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Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester nearly fell asleep on set yesterday afternoon. Although Meester has been acting professionally for a while and understands the amount of time required for lighting and blocking and what not, the glacial pace of filming got the best of her yesterday afternoon. In addition to blaming the heat for sleepiness, Meester explained that there's something about weddings that makes her sad and well, sleepy.

[Photo Credit: X17]

"'She was pushed off the show,' says a snitch. 'Leighton didn't like her, and she went.'"

As Gossip Girl fans know, Leighton's character Blair Waldorf rules the private school, and Meester portrays the girl we all hated during high school flawlessly. But Zhang's alleged decision to pursue homework instead of Hollywood just sounds fishy, especially considering the age-old conspiracy theory that minorities always get kicked to the curb first in horror movies. Though Meester's rep is obviously claiming there's absolutely no truth to what sources told the New York Daily News, we have to wonder if playing a serious bitch on-screen has finally gone to Leighton's head. After all, she's been pounding the Hollywood pavement for years before finally getting her big break, only to be usurped by the show's breakaway star, Blake Lively. Could a Serena Van Woodsen Goes Back To Rehab, Never Heard From Again storyline be far away?

[Photo Credit: Getty]

• A 'GOSSIP GIRL' DROPOUT - OR DID LEIGHTON MEESTER PUSH HER OUT? [NYDN]

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An unnamed production assistant on the show Gossip Girl attempted to take it to the next level with one of the show's stars, Leighton Meester. After weeks of thinking he was picking up a vibe from Meester (and fueled by the drunken logic of friends over the weekend), the P.A. asked Meester if she'd like to share a Coke with him. Meester smiled and politely said that she'd like to, but she had to go over her lines for the next scene. As the dejected P.A. walked away, a near by teamster scoffed, "If you're gonna try to pull anybody, pull an extra, you big dummy. When you're Mister Big Time Movie Producer, then you go for the star."

[Photo Credit: Splash News]