A series insider reports an upcoming plot is "supposed to be about Heath Ledger" and features a male supermodel, played by Ryan Locke, who "has a great career and gets all the ladies." Perhaps the eeriest comparison is to Ledger's actual death by overdose when the character "leaves a club with a girl. They have sex and do drugs, and the next morning, his friend finds him dead."

Yes, very eerie. Even eerier: that's not how Ledger died! Also eerie: Ledger was found by his masseuse, not a "friend." Plus, an eerie honorable mention: Ledger was an Academy Award-nominated actor, not a male model. Still, kudos to model/actor Ryan Locke for somehow getting his name in this totally questionable item! "Hollywood P.R. Man" Hal Lifson, we've got a potential new client we'd love you to meet...

• 'LAW' & LEDGER [NY Post]

boomp3.com

While enjoying a lunch with a lady friend in West Hollywood, soon to be Law & Order: Criminal Intent star Jeff Goldblum became mildly perturbed when a woman stepped in between him and an enterprising paparazzo. Goldblum thought if he was going to be filmed while enjoying a delicious meal, then there should at least be some high quality shots of his face. Goldblum added, "I mean, this guy went to great lengths to step up the shot. You know, getting everything perfectly in focus and then, this woman, I'm sure she's a lovely person, but she disrupts the picture. Maybe I'm cranky because I haven't had my muffin yet. Carbs will make things better."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

"But—spoiler warning—things don't turn out so well for him. According to the source, in the fictionalized version the gossip is killed when his car is wired with a bomb." [Gatecrasher]

Reached for comment, Stern gave us some plot rumors of his own: "I hear that Burkle is being played by John Goodman. He goes to jail in the end—just like he will in real life—becomes the sweetheart of Cellblock C and finally gets to empathize with all those teenagers who found themselves face-down in the back of [his private jet] 'Air Force Two.'"

Chevy Chase gives his funniest performance in about two decades as Mitch Carroll, a washed-up entertainer (big stretch there). Through a clenched jaw that apparently serves as character development, Chevy's Mitch spews such invective as "Are you a Jew? You're a Jew, right? I should've known they'd stick me in a room with a Jew cop! I'm not talking to any Jew!" and "They suck the money out or this town so they can send it to Israel to make bombs and matzo" and "Jews are always playing the victim when all the time, I'm the one who's been the victim."

The big twist is that here, when Mitch (begins with "M") is pulled over, there's blood spattered on his clothes, blood linked to a murdered Jewish TV executive whom he had insulted (and who had subsequently blackballed him in the entertainment industry - by this episode's reckoning, Jews pretty much do run Hollywood).

This being Law & Order, home of the shocking twist ending, we'd advise viewers not to presume the Jew-hater is guilty, no matter how many red or pickled herrings the show's cleverly manipulative writers throw your way. For while Law & Order may be having some fun with creative license, it's nevertheless a series made by showbiz insiders, who know darn well that a racist actor who might occasionally let a drunken, "Hollywood Hebe" epithet fly would almost certainly never go so far as to eliminate the one guy who could help get his next project ordered.

[Photo: TVGasm.com]

• "Law & Order" plays Mel Gibson's race card [The Mayor of Television]

• SIZZLER: The View vs. Law & Order! It's On! [BestWeekEver.TV]