<![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, late night]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, late night]]> http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/latenight http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/latenight <![CDATA[More True Tales of Creepiness and Terror from the Letterman Staff]]> Just as America settled into a laissez faire consensus on office sex, some new confessions out of Fort Letterman have appeared to remind us of why we're all against the bosses-sleeping-with-their-employees thing in the first place.

Today's exhibit: a piece on vanityfair.com by former Letterman staff writer Nell Scovell provides some stark reminders of why working in an office where the boss gets it on with their assistants is maybe not so fun if you are a female staffer who the boss is not getting it on with. Particularly if you are in a workplace like Letterman's, where clearly if you are a woman you have a greater chance being appointed acting head of the Taliban than climbing the ladder to the Dave's inner circle.

Scovell opens her piece with a reminder of the stark odds awaiting women who dare enter the hallowed talk show ranks. Of the 50-some staff writers toiling on the Letterman, Leno and Conan O' Brien staffs, exactly zero are female. For those keeping track, that is lower than the female percentage of the US Supreme Court (22%), serving in the US Senate (17%), and officers of Fortune 500 companies (15.7 %). (Zero percent also ties the current Gawker masthead.)

After recounting her thrill at getting to join the heady Letterman ranks, Scovell remembers difficult reality setting in:

Without naming names or digging up decades-old dirt, let's address the pertinent questions. Did Dave hit on me? No. Did he pay me enough extra attention that it was noted by another writer? Yes. Was I aware of rumors that Dave was having sexual relationships with female staffers? Yes. Was I aware that other high-level male employees were having sexual relationships with female staffers? Yes. Did these female staffers have access to information and wield power disproportionate to their job titles? Yes. Did that create a hostile work environment? Yes. Did I believe these female staffers were benefiting professionally from their personal relationships? Yes. Did that make me feel demeaned? Completely. Did I say anything at the time? Sadly, no.

Here's what I did: I walked away from my dream job. The show picked up my option after 13 weeks; then, about two months later, while looking for a nicer apartment, I realized I didn't want to commit to a yearlong lease. I'd seen enough to know that I was not going to thrive professionally in that workplace. And although there were various reasons for that, sexual politics did play a major part.

She goes on to rebut the frequently offered charge that there would be more women writing for late night talk shows if more qualified women comedy writers were to available. That argument can quickly be countered by going through the little to no effort the shows make to find or groom female writers. But any attempts to reach out a little are thoroughly stymied by the specter which haunts all late night big wigs - the specter of not being able to make fart jokes in the writers room if chicks are hanging out.

Meanwhile, over in this week's New York Mag, Robert Kolker continues the work of sorting through Letterman's staff horror stories and digging deeper into a personality which has become increasingly isolated and tyrannical. Some highlights:

• Dave has pushed away most of his close friends and associates, communicating with his staff now almost entirely via his coterie of seven assistants, whom themselves, out of his paranoia, Letterman attempts to keep sealed off from the rest of the staff.

• Says a former staffer: "There's a level of mind games and chess that goes on, starting from the top down. They rule by fear. You don't want to make Dave mad or so-and-so mad, so you better do a good job. Everyone there is scared of their shadow all the time."

• As has been noticed, Letterman does not go for the swimsuit models of the world, favoring non-threatening sassy girls who are sharp enough to see through him. As one former staffer puts it in the piece, "You see he's going for personality as well, but I think he's also going for easy targets. He's not setting himself up for rejection. He's not going to ask the head of the cheerleading team to prom. He's going to ask the head of the band or something."

• It seems possible that Stephanie Birkitt was two-timing Joe Halderman with Letterman. And that when he found out about their relationship, amazingly after it was witnessed by TV doctor Bob Arnot, he was so upset that the whole blackmail thing might just have been his way of getting even.

• On Halderman, a quote which should be posted over the front door of every news institution on Earth: "You can be a great journalist and a lowlife frat boy."

So there it rests for now, but the more that comes out it becomes increasingly difficult to see how Letterman withdraws his public persona back into the shell where its lived all these years and returns to life as the cypher in our midst.

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<![CDATA[German Quentin Tarantino Fans Are Not Impressed By Quentin Tarantino]]> B.J. Novak of The Office and Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards was a guest on Conan's show last night, where he shared one of the better Quentin Tarantino stories you'll ever hear.

The short version goes like this: while in Germany filming Inglorious Bastards, Novak and some of the other cast members learned of a bar in the area called "Tarantino's," a Quentin Tarantino-themed bar filled with memorabilia commemorating the director's film career. So, naturally, the cast thought it'd be a hilarious idea to actually walk into the bar and drink with the man so glorified there. Now, so as to not spoil the ending of the story, I'll stop here, but let's just say that Germans apparently aren't nearly as impressed by celebrity as Americans. Well, with the exception of David Hasselhoff that is.

Oh, and there's also an interesting Brad Pitt anecdote just prior to the Tarantino story, so enjoy...

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<![CDATA[David Letterman's Time Has Finally Come]]> The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.David Letterman, who has been quietly doing his second-place late night joker show over on CBS like forever, is all of a sudden beating the Tonight Show in the ratings. Calling Sarah Palin a slut really pays off!

It's only been a week since Conan took over Jay Leno's old gig, and he's already losing. Letterman was up 13% in the ratings this past week vs. the week before—and last night he passed the Tonight Show, which has been steadily losing viewer every night since Conan started:

The ratings gap between the hosts has been narrowing nearly ever night since O'Brien took control of the "Tonight" franchise. The last time "Late Show" topped Jay Leno's "Tonight" was eight months ago.

Jay Leno, who was determined to never be funnier than the average American idiot, beat Letterman consistently. Now that Leno's moving to 10 pm, it may be that Letterman's time to be king has finally arrived. Conan O'Brien will be fine. But for years, Letterman's been losing out to a guy who was clearly less funny and consciously dumber than he is.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Now, America's in a strange situation: two funny late night hosts at once. No cheating, middle Americans! Larry the Cable Guy specials won't be on Comedy Central every night, for you to run to! Now, Letterman's the old established guy and Conan's the young upstart. Leno will be on earlier, and he'll bring an audience with him. But the people who used to stay up late watching Jay will now watch Letterman, because he's familiar and not quite as weird as Harvard boy Conan.

Which is just a long way of saying that David Letterman's time is, indeed, here at last. Sarah Palin calling him "pathetic" because he called her "slutty" is just gravy. Because the Palins are exactly the type of people who are going to be watching Dave all the time.

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<![CDATA[Oh Don't Worry, Dave Letterman Will Be Here for a While Too]]> The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.While everyone is busy fretting and fussing over Conan O'Brien's freshman Tonight Show run, his steady-as-she-goes CBS competitor, David Letterman, has been quietly inking a deal to stay on the air through 2012. With, sigh, a bit of a pay-cut.

Letterman's contract was originally through 2010, but the new deal will both extend his contract by two years and lower his Worldwide Pants licensing fees, because of the economy and all. As Letterman outright owns his own show, it's basically on rent to CBS. Letterman had been receiving some $30 million a year, but there's no word on what the new, lower figure will be. Still gonna be a lot, though.

So, good news Dave! The gap between his and Conan's numbers has been steadily narrowing since Conan debuted high, which means the time could be ripe for Letterman to once again take the top spot. Or not.

[THR]

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<![CDATA[The Best of Conan O'Brien's Late Night]]> Conan O'Brien is set to debut as the new host of the Tonight Show this evening, which is exciting. Though we do worry that because he's now on an hour earlier, our favorite kinds of Late Night bits might be deemed too weird or risky. Favorites likes these hallowed treasures:


An absolute staple of his show. Stupid costumes with cheesy lighting, a celebrity to join him, and La Bamba going falsetto in between each joke. They were all amazing, and this one is no exception. Who knew that Duchovny meant syphilis in Russian? People in the year 2000 did, that's who.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.One of a number of 'Conan's Field Trips'. There are a lot to choose from here. Conan and Mr. T go apple picking was one of the oddest pairings, but this one was Conan on his game. All of his talents seem to come together perfectly. Charming, self-deprecating, brilliant use of props, quick wit. And the men on the vineyard play great straight men to make him seem even more absurd.



Another one of his brilliant recurring sketches. And even though it's on Conan, this sketch owed its brilliance to Robert Smigel. There were almost too many of these to choose from, but I settled on Arnold because his voice was by far the most ridiculous.


Just a great moment with a great reaction from Conan. His sheer enthusiasm is what makes it classic.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Making fun of a league in Long Island that plays baseball as it was meant to be played in the 19th century. As usual, he joins in on the fun.


Recurring characters like vomiting Kermit and Pimpbot 5000 added a certain richness to the show. But none quite had the staying power like The Masturbating Bear. On his last Late Night, Conan retired The Masturbating Bear, as it would simply not fly in his new time slot. He had it encased in Carbonite.


He does not pander to celebrities. And getting someone like Martha Stewart to eat a cold Taco Bell bean burrito and wash it down with a refreshing bottle of OE 800 is part of his genius. Martha obviously enjoyed this as much as viewers, and later on Conan took a field trip to Martha's estate


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Randomly bluritng out a non-existent website on the air forced NBC to buy the rights to HornyManatee.com. The site still exists to this day, and from the looks of it is still regularly updated.


The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Late night hosts have always taken shots at their networks, but O'Brien figured out a way to make fun of NBC without coming off as bitter. When NBC bought Universal and became the owner of Walker: Texas Ranger, he introduced a lever that played Chuck Norris clips. It was so simple in its brilliance.


The most consistently funny aspect of Conan's show. Only hoping he continues on The Tonight Show.

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<![CDATA[Late Night Hosts Feast on Sweat of Poor Comedy Drones]]> Oh, to write jokes for one of those late night TV shows! Seriously, please, let me do that. Those staff writers get paid. But the freelancers get totally screwed!

See, you can't expect the combined efforts of a highly paid writing staff and a ridiculously highly paid star comedian TV host to be enough to come up with five minutes of jokey monologues every night. So most big time late night shows—from Leno and Letterman to SNL—buy jokes from freelancers, for pennies.

Johnson says he has gotten more than 160 of his jokes on the "Late Show With David Letterman" and, before that, "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno."

The 39-year-old is part of an underground network of comedy writers who supply the late-night programs with a constant stream of material. If one of their jokes gets on the air, they get a check for $75 or $100. What they don't get is any credit or union pay.

This pisses off the writers guild, but they can't do too much about it, because the shows don't mind it, and the writers are so dazzled to get their material on air they don't complain. But here's the benefit of union membership:

While the guild's contract permits the hiring of freelancers, it requires that they be paid union minimums — $3,215 for a comedy sketch under 10 minutes — if they are employed as professional writers on a guild-covered show.

$3200 for one little sketch. Good money, right? (PAUSE) Yea, or as Bill Gates calls it, "Pocket Lint."
(PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER).
Call me, Jay!
(PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER).
[LAT]

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<![CDATA[Tina Fey Mistakes Robert Pattinson For Satan]]> Jimmy Fallon was mercifully blessed to have former Saturday Night Live/Weekend Update co-star Tina Fey on his second show.

Fey, a total talk show pro at this point, regaled the crowd with stories that highlighted her ordinary-ness: Gawking at stars at the Oscars, dodging drunks, raising her three-year old daughter and just generally not knowing what the deal is with professional vampire Robert Pattinson, of Twilight.

Fallon too often tended toward the opposite, complaining about his showbiz hours and getting way too deep into chummy inside-NBC stories with Fey.

But most of all, the Late Night host needed to quit with the over-laughing. The home audience chuckles more easily if Fallon isn't having a conniption every time his guest says something mildly amusing.

Still: He got Tina Fey on. For like 15 minutes, it felt like! So at least Fallon's viewers were laughing pretty hard too.


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<![CDATA[Best of Jimmy Fallon's First Late Night]]> Sure, Jimmy Fallon was awkward on his Late Night debut, as first-time hosts tend to be. But expectations are so low the comedian just needed to show a little promise. That he did.

The biggest weakness on the show is relatively easy to fix: Crowd control. The rowdy studio audience was way too pumped up, interrupting Fallon to cheer their home states (why do late show audiences always do this?) and to ruin one of his jokes with a well-timed "yeaaaaah!"

Also, the audience microphones were up way too loud; TV viewers could clearly hear chatter and exhaling noises between Fallon's jokes.

Fallon also needs work on his interview skills. His sit-down with Robert DeNiro, for example, was pretty awful. DeNiro barely got a word in edgewise as Fallon defined "Tribeca," told a pointless story about another celebrity (Jack Nicholson), recounted a pedestrian joke DeNiro made on email and at one point said, "I don't know what I'm asking." (DeNiro's laconic manner was maybe part of a meta-joke about how he doesn't talk? It was still awkward.)

The skit "lick it for $10," in which studio audience members lick products made by (we're guessing) show sponsors was a total write-off even though it followed the first commercial break — a prime piece of show real estate.

Picking these sorts of nits is, again, too easy with a brand-new host. On the bright side:

  • The news "slow jam," performed with The Roots, was inspired. It looks like Fallon plans to make heavy use of his excellent house band, which should keep the show interesting and lively.
  • Fallon imitated DeNiro to his face. It wasn't a great impersonation, but being willing to make an utter fool out of yourself can come in handy for a late-night host.
  • The monologue felt vaguely Weekend Update-y, which is good in the sense that there were at least two really solid jokes. Fallon just needs to slow down from the fast delivery customary at Saturday Night Live's fake news desk
  • Pushing Justin Timberlake to make fun of other singers shows good instincts. Good luck trying to get other celebrities to play ball with that sort of concept.
  • The opening skit with Conan O'Brien was great, but Fallon has to share credit with his predecessor.


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<![CDATA[Jimmy Fallon's Nerd Side Might Save Him]]> Jimmy Fallon's critics hate him for being so awkward and manic. But all indications are the Saturday Night Live veteran will embrace those qualities, crafting the geekiest Late Night yet.

Obviously, Fallon will have to rein it in. He can't be cracking up at his own jokes as he did on SNL. But maybe he can turn nerdishness in his favor.

Fallon's co-producer, G4 channel (read: nerd TV) veteran Gavin Purcell, walked Silicon Alley Insider's Nicholas Carlson through part of the strategy:

  • The show will respond rapidly to internet memes, like "Kenneth" from 30 Rock appeared on a test show less than 24 hours after the "Bobby Jindal sounds like Kenneth the Page" observation spread all over the internet.
  • The shoe will embrace gadgetry: A skit in a test show hinged on Skype video conferencing; Fallon's producers would also like to book nerd-friendly guests like Apple CEO Steve Jobs and Amazon's Jeff Bezos.
  • The show hired a bunch of bloggers (to blog) and is on Twitter, Facebook, etc. Basically all TV shows are trying to jump on various online bandwagons these days but it sounds like Fallon is pushing further, faster.

Gillian Reagan of the Observer also noticed some of Fallon's geek moves back in January:

  • Fallon promoted his show on the Diggnation podcast.
  • The host created a War of Warcraft character, and videoblogged about it.
  • He said during a winter press junket, "I think our show is going to bea lot more tech, gadgetry talk."

Fallon still needs traditional showbiz skills. During his most last appearance on predecessor Conan O'Brien's Late Night, his raw-nerved jumpiness was almost frightening.

But Fallon's been practicing, making a series of Webisodes, which seems to have improved his delivery over time. And as the old SNL clip below illustrates, he's worked his geeky side effectively in the service of comedy before.


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<![CDATA[Conan O'Brien Rehires Poor, Failed Andy Richter]]> News comes today that when Conan O'Brien starts hosting the Tonight Show from LA in June, his old Late Night sidekick will once again be along for the ride. As, sigh, the show's announcer.

Poor Mr. Richter left Late Night some ten years ago to pursue solo fame, but found very little. His three short-lived TV series—Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Quintuplets, and Andy Barker, P.I.—were critical successes (well, OK, not Quintuplets), but the audiences never showed up. He also made a couple of sad appearances in movies, like playing the Ching-Chong-Chinese-accented Bernie Bang in the Olsen Twins' wide release flop, New York Minute.

But don't worry. He won't just be yelling Conan's name at the top of each evening. He'll appear in skits, much like Joel Goddard did on Late Night we imagine. And, on the more optimistic side, maybe this was an idea all along, Conan just needed to move to LA! Richter said before he appeared on Late Night's last broadcast on Friday:

The best thing about Conan taking over the ‘Tonight' show is that he's coming to Los Angeles, where I already live. So I'm getting my friends back.

So that's nice, I guess. Maybe it's not actually the saddest, "most reminiscent of that Simpsons episode where Homer quits the nuclear power plant to work at the bowling alley, but then has to go back when Marge gets pregnant and crawl through a little tunnel and get the plague plaque" bit of TV news in recent memory.

To give you a refresher, here are some old Richter clips. Oh, and, at press time, LaBamba is still sitting by the phone... waiting.

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<![CDATA[In Honor of Robert De Niro Popping Jimmy Fallon's Cherry: 5 Memorable First Guests]]> Robert De Niro will be Jimmy Fallon's first guest—an unusually intimidating choice to ease first-night jitters, no matter how well their "Are you a pothead Fallon? Could you milk me?"-patter goes in rehearsal.

The rest of the week has some more dependably upbeat bets, including Fallon's former Weekend Update co-anchor Tina Fey and Fever Pitch co-star and producer-in-law, Drew Barrymore. Barrymore is something of a Late Night early-guest good luck charm, having appeared on Conan's very first episode, and that got us thinking about some other legendary First Guests.

Bill Murray on Late Night with David Letterman, 1982. Perhaps the greatest First Guest of all time, Murray kicked off both of Dave Letterman's longtime late night ventures. On the very first Late Night, accompanied by a musical ode to his SNL lounge singer, a mostly incoherent and playfully argumentative Murray suggests the host looks "sedated," before the two segue into a gripping conversation about playing with lint, a longer diatribe about Dave selling out (we think?), and ending on a pledge to make Letterman's life a living hell. Score: 2 1/2 Joaquins out of a possible five, and lots of fun!

Billy Crystal on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 1992. An unbelievably prescient Crystal opens with, "I saw Ed McMahon on the corner with a sign that says, 'Will announce for food.'"

Bill Murray on Late Show with David Letterman, 1993. Letterman then invited Murray back to kick off things at his new home on CBS. Murray's shtick is a lot more thought out this time around—he arrives jogging and breathless, explaining "I went to the other place." We then cut to some video of Murray in a hardhat among the crew of construction guys who refurbished the Ed Sullivan Theater. His big finish, which isn't in the video, involved spraypainting Dave's name on his brand new desk. Somehow, it came off as funny, not just pointless and mean-spirited, like the Kevin Spacey Jamba Juice-dumping fiasco.

Goldie Hawn on The Chevy Chase Show, 1993. Widely considered to be one of the most disastrous late show guest appearances—much less First Guest appearances—of all time was when Goldie Hawn kicked things off on The Chevy Chase Show. In rolled-up Daisy Dukes, she talks for what like seems an eternity on the magic of child-rearing, then presents her son with a birthday cake and everyone sings "Happy Birthday to You." Chevy drops the cake, they dance to "La Bamba," a stage manager brings out the real birthday cake, the show cuts to commercial, and you watch in horrified amazement.

Will Ferrell on The Megan Mullally Show, 2006. Want to know how we know Will Ferrell is a good guy? He'll agree to be the first guest on your new talk show, even though it's on in the afternoon, and you're Megan Mullally. You want to know how we know he's a great guy? He does it in American Apparel briefs, and brings a dozen long-stemmed roses. And a taped X keeping his mic on his chest. Couldn't save the show, but it's the thought that counts.

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<![CDATA[Conan O'Brien's True Leno Feelings Slowly Revealed]]> Conan O'Brien's story seems more bitter each time he's asked about learning Jay Leno would precede his Tonight Show on NBC.

The Late Night host is quoted on his reaction to the news in tomorrow's New York Times. It's at least his third version of the story. Notice the subtle and not so subtle evolution:


2466758.jpg 1. 'Thrilled'

Seaking on his show after Leno's 10 p.m. slot was announced, O'Brien said, "I've known about this for a while... I am thrilled. I am absolutely thrilled that Jay is staying at NBC. " OK!


84309037.jpg2. 'An hour and a half' of deliberation

In his first interview after the Leno announcement, O'Brien told the Times the move was actually a surprise: "I don't think any of us were expecting a Monday through Friday thing for Jay like that... And there was a period where everybody was just trying to figure out: what does this mean? ...After about an hour and a half I just started asking if I was still going to be getting the ‘Tonight Show With Johnny Carson' that I used to watch with my father in my living room in Brookline, Massachusetts."


80662240.jpg3. Oh, so now it's an hour and forty five minutes!

In the new Times article, O'Brien basically retold the same story, in slightly different words. But for some reason he added 15 minutes to period of inner turmoil:

The move gave Mr. O'Brien pause for about 'an hour and 45 minutes,' he said. 'The 10 p.m. thing, Monday through Friday, I don't think that was something anybody necessarily saw coming.'

O'Brien isn't the only who has second guessed NBC's thinking. "I feel a little sorry for Conan," one industry source told the Times, echoing much of the chatter from the past three months.

O'Brien's comic friend Norm MacDonald even teased O'Brien on his own show last week, saying Leno got the better of the Late Night host (see clip up top). If O'Brien is owning up to more of his own doubt these days, maybe it's because he's gotten so much outside validation for those feelings.

(Video via Hulu via TVTattle)

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<![CDATA[Conan O'Brien Turns Airport Tantrum Lady Into Meme]]> Now that Late Night has worked YouTube's apoplectic Hong Kong flight misser into its skit lineup, other parodies and mashups can't be far behind. (Or at least SNL.) Clip after the jump.

 

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<![CDATA[Jimmy Kimmel Strands Self On Late-Night High Road]]> Ideally it would have been great to see Jimmy Kimmel come out and cut Nightline's throat in his just-released interview with Broadcasting & Cable. But! There remain some jagged edges in his late-night diplomacy.

For every admission that Kimmel thought — like pretty much everybody else — he'd be following Jay Leno when he presumably moved to ABC, there are a few less specific allusions to his place in the schema of late-night power brokerage. Kimmel backdoors his way into acknowledging that of course he wants to go up against Conan and Letterman (and hasn't ruled 11:30 out as an option at Fox), but at what cost? Being the guy that killed Nightline? If he doesn't do it, somebody else will, yet Kimmel's high-road holiday indicates he's got other things on his mind. Like toy metaphors:

The rumors have surfaced again lately that ABC's entertainment side is making a run at Nightline.

News always wants as much real estate as they can get, and so does entertainment. I don't know that I've ever met [ABC News chief] David Westin, to be honest with you. I just stay out of it. I'm the action figure in their playground, you know, in their bat cave. But it's weird to be part of this circle of gossip. Especially being a fan of late-night television. It's very surreal to be a character in this story.

So do you want 11:30? Would you do things differently?

Yeah I would [want 11:30], sure. Would I do anything different? Mostly thematic. I don't think the approach of the show would be much different. I'd like to have more staff. [...] There are a lot of boring things I could tell you about, but as far as big changes that would be about it. Maybe we'd need a bigger theater, a theater that looks bigger on camera. We're in a very old building.

So, for the record: Kimmel "stay[s] out of it," then in the next breath alludes to the ways Jimmy Kimmel Live has outgrown the confines of its 12:05 ghetto. Guests are improving but still trickling down to the El Capitan after earlier shows, if at all. In his own words, he's on the "very tail end of television as a big money-making business." A perfect time to stay out of it, Jimmy, no doubt. Now might be the time for that David Westin introduction, preferably with a few of your representatives. Unannounced. In a parking garage. After hours. That's where all the best deals are made. Make yours already.

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<![CDATA[Alec Baldwin Mocks Joaquin Phoenix]]> Somehow we knew Alec Baldwin would come for you first, Joaquin Phoenix. The actor seems as hostile to strung-out hippies as his 30 Rock alter ego Jack Donaghy.

And having invested so much time in being a good guest himself on shows like Saturday Night Live, Baldwin no doubt disdains your disastrous performance on the Late Show the other night.

On the bright side, this is but the first of many times you'll serve as the punch-line for a joke about drugs or TV interviews. Should keep your name out there.

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<![CDATA[Conan On Leno: 'Temperatures Rising Rapidly In My Personal Hell']]> All eyes were on Conan last night in anticipation of what, if anything, he'd say about NBC's surprise announcement that Jay Leno would upstage his long-planned ascension to The Tonight Show throne.

(With a half-hour of local news between the two as the delicious, late night sandwich filling.) While he never said the words "Jay Leno can suck my pink, Irish ass" directly, he did point to the worrisome 20 degree temperature-increase in NYC that accompanied the news. The subtext was clear: Conan had been following our Pop Culture Doomsday coverage closely, and was warning his viewers to find their quickest route into orbit before the planet erupts into flames the second Leno delivers his first joke about Bill Clinton getting handsy with Michelle Obama at the Press Corps dinner in primetime. [Late Show]

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<![CDATA[David Letterman Thinks NBC's Late Night Plans Are Just Plain Goofy]]> Sitting down with Rolling Stone for a rare interview, David Letterman opened up on his two-step process of alienating and courting some of his most famous guest-emies—towering pop culture figures like Madonna, Oprah, and Richard Simmons—as well as his own plans for retirement. ("I would like to go beyond [my contracted] 2010, not much beyond," he told them.) He was also asked to weigh in on the curious scheduling shift going on at his old network NBC, where top ratings-getter Jay Leno is being forcibly vacated to make room for new The Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien, and his Late Night successor, Jimmy Fallon. No one is more confused about the changes than Letterman:

"Unless I'm misunderstanding something, I don't know why, after the job Jay has done for them, why they would relinquish that," Letterman said, adding, "I have to believe he was not happy about it."

Letterman speculated whether "that's actually what's going to happen," while acknowledging NBC might be too far down the road to retreat. [...]

Letterman, who called O'Brien "a very funny guy," was asked about facing him as the new "Tonight" host. A cautious Letterman said he couldn't predict the outcome.

"It will be weird to see Conan at 11:30, don't you think? Which is not to say he can't succeed, but, no, I don't know what the competition will be like. I hope we're able to do OK."

The late night landscape is hardly recognizable from the one Letterman originally landed his comedy spaceship upon back in the early '80s, lowering its pod doors to release fantastical alien life forms like Larry "Bud" Melman upon America's unwitting insomniacs. Today's audiences have since grown utterly inured to the sight of Conan's masturbating bears and copulating manatees. Pitting these veterans against one another might therefore inspire a competitive Letterman to reach even deeper into his bag of absurdist-stunt-comedy tricks—perhaps with a heavily hyped round of "Will the Former V.P. Candidate In A Bikini Float?" Time will tell.

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<![CDATA[Ex-'SNL' Star Finds Career Resuscitation As Viable Late Night Jimmy-Alternative]]> Confirming rumors that his appointment as Conan O'Brien's Late Night successor was a "done deal," a press event at 30 Rock today presided over by dark SNL overlord Lorne Michaels, NBC rock star Ben Silverman, and badly-in-need-of-a-distinguishing-nickname Marc Graboff, made official their intention to hand over the 12:30 a.m. programming block to one Jimmy Fallon. Goodbye, Masturbating Bear and Pimpbot 5000, hello, masturbating Barry Gibb and '80s radio hits set to "You Can't Touch This." From The Observer:

The crowd had just sat through a three-minute highlight reel of Mr. Fallon's SNL career, featuring "some of the most memorable characters in the history of Saturday Night Live," according to Ben Silverman, Co-Chairman of NBC Entertainment and Universal Media Studios. (NBC's President and CEO, Jeff Zucker, was present, but did not speak.) [...]
The clip reel was heavy in impersonations of people like Pat O'Brien, Howard Stern, Larry King, and Jerry Seinfeld. The journalists sat mostly stone-faced (a bad sign), except when Fallon appeared as himself (a good sign), interviewing Paris Hilton and offering one-liners as part of 'Weekend Update' alongside Tina Fey. [...]

Mr. Fallon claimed his kindergarten yearbook featured his photo above the caption "Most Likely to Take Over David Letterman." (Someone in the crowd, possibly auditioning to be Mr. Fallon's sidekick, let out an audible "Wow" at this point.) When asked what kindergarten had yearbooks, much less ones with references to David Letterman, Mr. Fallon joked, "It's a magical kindergarten. It's taught by a unicorn, a talking unicorn." Getting serious, he said, it was St. Mary of the Snow School in Saugerties, NY. A quick call to the school and a chat with Principal Christine Molinelli (who was not principal when Mr. Fallon was a student) didn't turn up the Letterman line from his kindergarten year (at that age, students appear in class photos only, according to Principal Molinelli), but his eighth grade yearbook photo from 1988 featured the line "Future Goal: To be an Entertainer."

Whether Fallon's prophetic kindergarten yearbook caption was perhaps embellished over the years seems utterly beside the fact, for who can bother getting bogged down in pre-elementary Most Likely To minutia when, as soon as next year, we'll have two late-late-night Jimmy talk show options. If ABC's Ben Affleck-fucker isn't to your liking, you'll have NBC's far-more-eager-to-please, delightfully brogue-free Jimmy offering.

[Photo Credit: WireImage]

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<![CDATA[The Venn Diagram Guide To Talk-Show Beards]]>
Easily the biggest news that came out of Wednesday's mass return to the airwaves by late-night's long-sidelined talk-show hosts was the unexpected appearance of David Letterman and Conan O'Brien's competing Strike Beards, a solidarity-signifying facial hair trend so hot that the clean-shaven visages of Jay Leno and Jimmy Kimmel now seem to indicate a conspicuous lack of support for the hosts' still-picketing writing staffs. (The embattled Carson Daly, we've been told, plans to smash his trusty Norelco electric shaver on his next show in an attempt to prove his commitment to the WGA cause, no matter how unflattering the resulting patchy growth may be.)

To help sort out the potentially confusing intersections of last night's bearded/unbearded and writer-having/writer-free developments in the brave new world of late-night TV (a situation complicated by Craig Ferguson's stunt-beard), Losanjealous has composed this handy Venn diagram, which should get you completely up to speed at a single glance.

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<![CDATA[Leno, Conan Win First Round Of Late-Night Ratings Fight Without Writers]]> conan-kringle.jpg· Overcoming the apparently mild inconvenience of putting on shows without their striking writers, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien still triumphed over fully staffed talk-show rivals David Letterman and Craig Ferguson in Wednesday night's Nielsen battle. In fairness to the WGA-approved programs, however, it should be noted that many viewers might have chosen to tune in to Leno out of irresistible curiosity about how unfunny the host would be on his own. [THR]
· Though the Golden Globes briefly harbored hope that the Writers Guild might give them a waiver for their rapidly approaching awards show, the WGA isn't going to cut them a break and still plans to picket. [Variety]

· In a move sure to broaden the film's appeal among urban audiences but which probably won't be met with approval by hard-core fanboys, Tyler Perry has joined the cast of JJ Abrams' Star Trek, in which he'll play the sassy, fat-suited grandmother figure who runs Starfleet Academy. [THR]
· THR declares the record-setting 2007 The Year Of The Thrilling Threequel, noting that four of last year's 10 top-grossing films were no-brainer third installments of established blockbuster franchises. [THR]
· Meanwhile, the grosses for "specialty" films were down 4% in 2007, which couldn't rely on the public's insatiable appetite for pirates and superheroes to spur them to box office heights. [Variety]

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