Two of our mousiest quality-TV stars, Rose Byrne of Damages and Elisabeth Moss of Mad Men, have joined the cast of the Jonah Hill/Russell Brand comedy Get Him to the Greek. They'll play a pop star and Hill's girlfriend, respectively. Also joining the cast is Sean "Puffy-P Diddy Daddy" Combs, who will stretch his range to play a record company executive. [Variety] And lucky they all are to get those jobs, as everyone else in Hollywood is struggling to find work. From big time movie directors down to lowly waiters. Yes, the recession has finally killed joy. [Variety]

Remember when Elisabeth Shue played herself as a nurse who had quit acting in Hamlet 2? Yeah. Well, now she's signed on to star in Piranha 3D, a remake of the glorious 80's screamer about a small town sheriff (Shue!) trying to protect her beloved lake from tiny nibbling deadly fishes. I seem to remember there being a summer camp in the o.g. But don't worry, the guy who made The Hills Have Eyes remake (the one with mutant rape) will helm. [Variety] Breathe another sigh of relief! About rape! NBC's "hey look at that horrorshow of warmed-over human depravity" series Law & Order: SVU will be back for another season in the fall. Chris Meloni and Marisol Hargaminanny or whatever haven't signed on yet, but Ice-T is actually now just considered part of the set, so he'll definitely be there. And probably the bald dude too. And B.D. Wong! BeeeeDeeee!! And Tammy Tunes. All your favorites. Plus the raping. Lots of raping. [Variety]

Oh, theater people headed to TV. Playwright (and sometime L&O and NYPD Blue scribe) Theresa Rebeck is developing a project for HBO called Women's Studies, a series about a feminist type lady person who teaches at a small Northeast liberal arts fag college for fags and commies. Julie White will star if the crazy thing ever gets off the ground. [THR] Kristen Bell, who studied theater at NYU, has signed on to star in You Again, a comedy about a young woman who finds out that her brother is marrying the girl who tormented her in high school. Which is actually sort of a cute if gimmicky idea. Huh. [THR]

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Kristen Bell abided by age old tradition of "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" by lighting up a celebratory cigar on the last day filming When In Rome. At first, Bell felt pretty powerful while smoking her cigar. Bell said, "I could probably be the governor of California after smoking this cigar. I mean I'm an actor and I guess, I'm now a cigar smoker." But then she coughed for a few seconds and began to reconsider her decision to venture into politics. Bell said, "I mean I could probably be governor one day, but not today. Well, if smoking cigars is a requirement, count me out."

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

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Baby Mama star Dax Shepard and gal pal Kristen Bell did all that was humanly possible to avoid being photographed in a dirty car while out to dinner in the Los Feliz area. According to spies at the restaurant, Shepard talked endlessly about how he should've gotten a car wash earlier in the afternoon or about how he should've parked his car in a covered garage before going away for a few weeks. Bell assured her boyfriend that it was okay; she calmly rationalized the situation by explaining that, first of all, it never rains in May in Southern California. Secondly, everybody else's car probably looks dirty, too. However, Bell's pep talk was quickly forgotten when she left the restaurant and realized that the car was way dirtier than she remembered. Adding insult to injury, the duo was unable to successfully petition the paparazzi not to take their picture, and observers remarked that they're likely end up in the "Celebrities, They're Just Like Us ... Only Dirtier!" section of this week's US Weekly.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

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Arrested Development star Will Arnett played the unscripted role of "Peeping Tom" on the set of When In Rome when he watched his co-stars (and real life couple) Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard get a little cozy in-between takes. The couple paused for a moment and asked why Arnett was watching. Arnett pondered for a moment and then explained that his wife is pregnant and that this is the closet he's going to get to some hot action for a while. Shepard said that it was cool with him if Arnett watched, yet Bell seemed a bit hesitant. After a brief discussion of guidelines and rules, Arnett was officially allowed to watch. However, it quickly came to an end after Arnett shouted "With Club Sauce!" for the sixteenth time in the span of three minutes.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

This writer may be a public personality, but this sample is block printed, the variety of handwriting that tries to keep people from gathering much revealing information from it. (Cursive reveals much more.) Block printing is the choice of ransom note writers for that reason. This writer is very reluctant to allow others to know her until she knows them rather well first.

Furthermore, there are no loops on y's, an indication of a person who may seem to enjoy the company of others, but is very happy, thank you, to be all alone.

The swollen "d" forms signal a person who is acutely conscious of self, and can be wounded by destructive criticism.

Add to this an occasional slant to the left, a sign of one who represses emotions. Mostly the writing is vertical, which indicate a lack of impulsiveness. This writer thinks first, and then takes an action. The straight down-stroke of the y's indicates the determination to make an action succeed.

The bars that cross the "t" stem are placed at the top of the stem, the indication of a person who ambitiously stretches to reach a treetop tall goal. The bars are also heavy, which signals that the writer has the drive (gumption) actually to reach the treetops.

There are umbrella-shaped t bars that indicate extra portions of self-control. The block printing makes it difficult to figure out what the writer has developed controls over. The usual reason to develop such hyper-control is to stifle a recurrent fear, such as stage-fright.

The tops of the "m" forms come very close to needle-points, the sign of a very speedy thinker. Add to this a well developed "gut" intuition that skips over the usual steps of logic to get to trusted conclusions. Intuition accelerates the thinking process and allows the writer to get a handle on other people without much delay. Although some of the answers in this sample may seem dumb, the writer isn't. Some rounded "m" tops indicate that the writer can also be methodical (when absolutely necessary) and there are "V" formation in the m's and n's that signal an analytical mind that will take the time to figure out what's actually what.

Fairly strong final endings to words indicate an ability to make decisions and short t stems signal an independent thinker who makes up her own mind from information she selects.

Clean o's (the middles are without marks or blotches) are a sign of good integrity. The writer lives in the "real" world and abides by most of its rules in a way that is not secretive or devious.

There is what graphologists call a "conscious gesture" —- in this case the z's in "quizzed" are crossed. The writer has either grown up in a European-based country or has adopted the crossed-z as a kind of educated stylistic embellishment.

Earlier: Dea Cosmo Girl Hayden "Heroes" Panettiere: "Better To Be The Turtle Than The Hare"
•Cosmo Girl Rihanna: "Solitary & Self-Involved"
•Decoding Cosmo Cover Girl Katie Heigl: "She Refuses To Waste Time With Convoluted Crap"
•Cosmo Girl Hilary Duff: Intuitive, Practical And Younger Than She Looks
•Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry
•'Cosmo' Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted

Defamer: It's well known that Jason Segel shows his dick in this movie. What was it like on those days of the shoot?
Nick Stoller: Well, Jason wanted to make sure his penis wasn't too small because it was cold in the studio. But it was a fine line, because having an erection while getting dumped wouldn't really read as truthful. So, he would be backstage with "materials" provided to him by the prop master, and then would he would yell, "I'm ready, I'm ready," and then come running out, and we'd shoot.

D: Was he ever too hard to shoot a scene?
NS: No, he wasn't. His problem was that he couldn't get...uh, I don't know if 'hard' is the right word for it—more like a semi-chub. He didn't feel like he got to that place. To me, it always looked like a totally normal penis, but then again, I wasn't the one showing it.

D: At any time during the filming of this movie, did you get to see Mila Kunis or Kristen Bell naked? I know they're not naked in the movie, but did you get to see it?
NS: No, they always wore pasties. They were actually very cool about all that stuff. They just didn't want it to end up on the Internet. Plus, it would have freaked them out if I were trying to sneak around their dressing room. It wouldn't instill that trust you need as a director.

D: Richard Roeper said your movie made his list of the 50 funniest comedies of all time. What was it like to blow him?
NS: He's a gentle lover. Very generous in bed. He gave back. It wasn't just a one-way street.

D: How did your involvement with Judd Apatow get started? How did you work your way up in the ranks of the Apatow offices?
NS: Of Apatown, you mean? Well, I started out by writing on Undeclared—his college show. And from there I wrote a few screenplays with him. And then, I've been friends with Jason Segel forever, so I offered to guide him through the writing process [of F.S.M.] if he would support me as a director. And he said yes, and suddenly it was all happening.

D: But why did they trust a first-timer like you to direct this movie?
NS: I have no idea. Early on I said that I would just be very up-front with the fact that I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't gonna lie at all, and I just decided to ask everyone questions.

D: What's a typical day like in Apatown?
NS: Everyone walks around with their penises out. I should just say it. We all have our dicks out all day. That's really what it is. Judd has what we call The Apatower in West LA, and you go there for meetings, but for the most part, everyone writes at home. And then we go to the meetings and all take our dicks out.

D: So, who has the biggest dick in Apatown?
NS: I'm contractually obligated to say Judd. But really it's me.

D: How involved is Judd in the movies he produces?
NS: He's very involved in the writing and casting. And having done this once, those two elements seem like the most important parts of a movie. Especially a comedy. And he's heavily involved in post. He's only around a little bit for production, but his producing partner Shauna Robertson is often on set. Basically, Judd creates a zone where we can kind of just do what we want. But, ultimately, he's very involved and wants to make sure that each movie hits some central truth.

D: Did you get into any arguments with him?
NS: Uh, no. We have a really good working relationship. He's very respectful and understands that I'm directing the thing. There were certain moments where I would insist upon a joke or a line and he would say, "Well, it's your movie. You can do it." But I've learned over the years that he's more right than wrong.

D: What is the test screening process like? Did you get any annoying notes from the studio? Anything crazy on the comment cards?
NS: Because Judd's so powerful right now, the studio was pretty hands off. As for comment cards, it ranged from audiences being way too savvy and literally talking about whether the movie would have appeal in the 18-25 demographic to being pretty dumb. The funniest ones were from guys in the audience who were so mad at having to see Jason Segel's penis, but in a homoerotic way. They were like, "Why do we have to see his penis for so long? I hate looking at his penis. It makes me want to make out with my roommate."

D: Well, I've seen them both, and I truly believe that Forgetting Sarah Marshall is better and funnier than Knocked Up. So, are you a better director than Judd Apatow?
NS: Ha. No comment. Judd, I think, is one of the best comedy directors ever. All of the things I employed on Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I learned from him.

D: How much of your current success comes from luck and knowing the right people versus actually working hard?
NS: The door opens, and you're very lucky when the door opens, but you do also have to be prepared. I would say it's about 1% hard work and 99% good luck. Though I do try to work a lot and be prepared for any kind of opportunity that presents itself.

D: Your career has just entered the next level. You're a big man in Hollywood right now. So, what does that feel like? Are people kissing your ass?
NS: Not as much as I'd hoped they would be. But we'll see. It all depends on opening weekend.

D: Forgetting Sarah Marshall opens on April 18th. Here's what else is coming out that day: 88 Minutes (the Al Pacino movie), The Forbidden Kingdom (the Jackie Chan/Jet Li flick), and Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? (the Morgan Spurlock doc). Why should people go see your movie over the competition?
NS: First I would go to 88 Minutes, then if I still had time I would go to see the Spurlock documentary, then I would see mine, and then I would see The Forbidden Kingdom. And then I'd see Smart People. But really, much like it's important to see a big action movie in the theater, it's nice to see a good comedy in a movie theater because everyone is laughing and having fun together.

D: What does it feel like to have a major movie opening this weekend? Are you gonna check BoxOfficeMojo every second?
NS: It's really odd. With the moviemaking process, you start out really intense and it slowly trickles off as you do post and stuff. So now, I haven't really worked on it in a while. I've just been doing press. It kind of feels like the movie came out already because I've watched it so many times. But then I wake up in the middle of the night very nervous because I realize it's coming out Friday.

D: You and I have known each other for a very long time. That's why, as a testament to our friendship, I want you to give me a scoop about your upcoming Muppet movie that will set the Internet afire.
NS: You know it's kind of all been said. It's gonna be an old school Muppet movie like The Great Muppet Caper or Muppets Take Manhattan. Basically the Muppets have to put on a show to save their studio. And in the intervening years, there's been a Muppet Diaspora, so the main Muppets need to go off with Jason [Segel] and collect other Muppets from all around the world. We're in the middle of writing it now. We're on page 50.

D: Alright, one last question. How awesome is Iron Man gonna be?
NS: So awesome!

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Forgetting Sarah Marshall opens in theaters today (April 18th). Do yourself a favor and go see it.

In today's installment: Janice Dickinson, Quentin Tarantino, Ellen Page, Sarah Silverman, Jason Schwartzman, Scott Speedman, Gene Simmons, Kristen Bell, Rachel Zoe, Adam Levine, Mila Kunis, Seth Green, Stacy Keibler, Reggie Bush, Dave Holmes, Holland Taylor, Busta Rhymes, and Lil Wayne.

Tuesday, April 1
· Beverly Hills Post Office, Main Branch: Stacy Keibler in line ahead of me, and Holland Taylor in line just behind me. Both women were gorgeous in everyday makeup and neither seemed at all "above" standing in the ridiculously long line with the regular folks at the post office. I did notice that Ms. Taylor was sending a package to Martin Sheen; how adorable.

Friday, April 4
· 8000 Sunset, @ 9:30pm: Quentin Tarantino sits not inside the arthouse cinema but instead on the newly installed tacky "patio furniture" of the renovated plaza. Talks with a Lisa Loeb look-alike, but she has long black hair, and is not an actress type. They sit next to each other, but facing, on a park bench. Tarantino wears no hat, a black leather jacket, jeans, & black Asics soccer style low tops with white socks that I can see because of his awkward bench positioning. All I hear him say is a rat-a-tat-tat "Yeah, yeah, ..uh huh, of course" while jutting his chin out as Loeb-alike talks. Both hold paper coffee cups. The HQ for TMZ is in the same complex - I was hoping they would look out their window.

Saturday, April 5
· West Hollywood 7-11 on La Cienega and Holloway @ 5:50am: I ran into Busta Rhymes. He was riding shotgun in a red Cadillac CTX. (the 2 seater) His buddy bought a newspaper and he looked at a people magazine and contemplated buying batteries. I was buying Gatorade and coffee. I walked up to him and said "Bus a bus?" He did not respond for a second, I thought he might be talking to someone via Bluetooth. It was only him and I and the cashier. So I said "Busta of flipmode squad" He then turned toward me and laughed, said yes and gave me a bro's handshake then walked out.

Sunday, April 6
· Brewery Art Walk: Scott Speedman wandering about alone, looked confused, cute but much stockier in person than I would have expected. Still maintain Felicity should have ended up with Noel.

· Tampa International Airport @ 6pm: I had been to the NCAA Women's Final Four, aka Lesbian Super Bowl. I stopped to get a meal at TGI Fridays to help my hang over and lo and behold at the bar I see sex god (?) Gene Simmons! He was conspicuously leaning on the bar, facing out, scanning the restaurant. I couldn't get over his ridiculous hair.

Monday, April 7
· Hollywood And Highland: Treating some out-of-town relatives to the sight of other people's out-of-town relatives staring at the sidewalk, I took refuge at the Sephora. As weekend celeb sightings are rare, particularly at touristy places, I was a bit stunned to see Sarah Silverman browsing the skin care section. She looked just like she does on television, which is... or is not... a compliment.

· Beverly Center Chipotle @8pm: Reggie Bush. Short and stacked. Pretty sure the black on black Bentley in the fifteen minute parking was his. Unfortunately it can't compete with my '92 Subaru.

· Red Lion: Dave "I Wanna Be A VJ But for Some Reason Jesse Camp Won that Show but now he's working at a pet store or so I heard" Holmes was at Trivia Night (and even on the winning team). I don't know if they showed up especially for trivia or just happened to be there. He was with a group of about 12 completely average seeming people, including one guy that must have been his brother because they had the same vaguely smug but disarming look about them.

Tuesday, April 8
· Mani's on Fairfax @ 8pm: Saw Jason Schwartzman grabbing something to go from the bakery. Cute, short, almost as exciting as the delicious piece of cherry pie I was devouring mid-sighting.

· Graumann's Chinese Theater: I'm at Graumann's Chinese theater and I'm about 93% sure I am sitting behind Janice Dickinson. I have not seen her face, but she keeps yelling at the ads before the movie. Now I'm 100% sure. She keeps commenting loudly after every trailer. This was so worth the 11.50 per ticket. When she walked out of the theater she said "yawn" loud enough for pretty much everyone to hear. Awesome. Whore...she's also totally skeletal and ate two buckets of popcorn then left for a while. Bulimic coke whore...."

· WeHo Trader Joes, afternoon: i was in weho trader joes yesterday afternoon and i heard this woman on the phone talking loud and it bugged me so i looked and it was Rachel Zoe in the cereal section moving to the trail mix section stuffing her basket and talking but that wasn't the disturbing part, maybe she was feeding the homeless, not herself. but she was wearing this huge fur vest (i am not a activist but that vest could make me one) that looked like a bear was hugging her and these ridiculous shoes that she was trying to balance on and and her face was so well just so bloated looking.......people trust her to dress them?

· Hotel Cafe: Dancing With the Stars pros Mark Ballas and Derek Hough played with their band "Almost Amy." In attendance: The Cheetah Girls, Cristian de la Fuente, Cheryl Burke, Julianne Hough, Priscilla Presley, Kristi Yamaguchi, Shannon Elizabeth, Fabian Sanchez, Pasha (from SYTYCD). Derek and Shannon were looking particularly cozy after the show.

· Beverly Center Chipotle: None other than Weezy F Baby (Lil Wayne) in front of me after yet another Chipotle visit. He was in a Dodge Nitrosomething with 29s or 30s on it. I wanted to get out of my car and tell him what a huge fan I am but I was afraid of getting clapped.

Thursday, April 10
· Adam Levine, in a giant green cowl neck sweater, shorts, high socks and driving shoes; buying many spirits at Mayfair. He is slender and handsome enough to obviously not be drinking all that alone later.

· Was at the Forgetting Sarah Marshall premiere party last night, complete clusterfuck. Mila Kunis looked pretty and skinny. Kristen Bell looked pretty, skinny and really happy. Amber Heard.. skinny and wooden. Seth Green was short and friendly. The skinny guy from Superbad, the comedian with a gap in his teeth from Human Giants [Ed. Note - That'd be Paul Scheer]. Busy Phillips sort of channeling Anna Nicole. Paul Rudd - as dreamy as expected. Swoon.

Friday, April 11
· Hollywood Farmers Market: I saw Ellen Page at the Hollywood Farmers Market. She looked very Juno in a hoodie with the hood up. She was buying brussel sprouts or something similarly healthy. Good eating habits Ellen!

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

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B-list favorite Tom Arnold seemingly appeared out of nowhere and joined Veronica Mars star Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard on a hike in Griffith Park on Thursday. Arnold who appeared to be extremely excited to be hanging out with the guy from Punk'd, applied the "I'm famous, you're famous, so we're automatically besties" rule to the twosome. The young couple simply shrugged their shoulders and allowed Arnold to tag along, but they quickly regretted the decision as Arnold launched into a fifteen-minute diatribe about the pitfalls of network television and "the good ole days." Then Arnold asked if Bell could set up a meeting between him and Judd Apatow.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

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Instead of gawking at Kristen Bell and talking about how you and your kids loved her on Heroes, why not help her out? It's neither too forward nor too rude to speak up and say, "Hey, let me hold that ticket for you." Then again, maybe Kristen Bell has too much pride to take a helping hand.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]