With other guests like Kyra Sedgwick, Eva Longoria and Tobey Maguire attending, it's no surprise the security was so tight, but why the golf carts? Did Tom and Katie really force their guests to go scootering around their mansion just to say, Look! We're Rich! You Knew That Already But, But...Look!

Though paparazzi weren't allowed to snap anywhere near the actual party, they did manage to get a good handle on just how pricey the guests' rides were: Bentleys, Lexuses and Porsches galore. We're just relieved Jeremy Piven wasn't on hand to witness the rides, lest he throw a very Ari Gold-esque fit and begin pounding away at his beloved hoopty chick magnet with his hairy bare fists.

[Photo credits: X17, Splash]

• TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES HOST A-LIST HOUSEWARMING PARTY [Us}
• TOMKAT HOST THE PARTY OF THE YEAR (WITH POSH AND OPRAH ON THE GUEST LIST) [Daily Mail]

Hello Magazine is reporting that Tom Cruise was plum out of ideas for what to get recently drifting BFF David Beckham for his birthday. So instead of a fruit basket or a lifetime supply of Tom Cruise Purple, the Hubbard-loving Clear decided to treat both Posh and Becks to a private weekend getaway at one of Cruise’s favorite romantic spots in Napa Valley: his very own home!

”They wanted [Posh] and David to make use of their property [and] insisted that it should be just the two of them and that they should thoroughly spoil themselves.”

But after hearing more details on just how Tom planned this so-called “private” getaway, we’re worried the Beckhams are about to be abducted by a Xenuphobic SWAT team...

It's true that TomKat's birthday surprise might very well be an innocent gift, or a way of saying "We've never had sex in this place, but someone should!" But as the story's source continues, "Tom even booked his jet for them and told them they had to be at a private airfield at a specific time so work commitments couldn't get in the way." Let's see: Tom's private jet, taking off from a private airfield at a time designated by Cruise. Is no one else getting the creepy feeling this "vacation" is Cruise's sole tactic remaining in Scientology's official bag of conversion tricks? We'd like to request the assistance of British feds in setting up spies at both the Freelands dock and Gold Base stat.

[Photo credit: Socialite's Life]

• TOM CRUISE GIVES THE BECKHAMS A BIRTHDAY SURPRISE [Starpulse]

On a segment from the Rachael Ray show a few weeks back, a visibly exhausted and seemingly brainwashed Remini told viewers in the most melancholy of tones how addicted her daughter Sophia is to "the baba." And if self-professed Scientologist Remini is following the religion's doctrines correctly, this means she is obeying founder L. Ron Hubbard's instructions to never breastfeed and, instead, feed babies a mixture consisting of barley water, homogenized milk, and oodles of sugar-heavy honey. But this is hardly the scary part. You see, Hubbard, who we must note claimed he had visited Heaven several times during his life, also claimed he discovered this baby formula after magically traveling back in time to hang out in ancient Rome: "I picked it up in Roman days and have used it since...Modern hospital formulas and patent mixes for babies are not just bad, they are criminal." While we're pretty sure that keeping one's baby on a proper nutritional diet is the furthest thing from criminal, we're equally sure that keeping the little ones sucking down Hubbard's formula well past their third birthday isn't doing any favors for the child's social development skills. As they say, this one is developing...

[Photo Credit: INF]

• SURI CRUISE AND HER BOTTLE: IS SHE TOO OLD? [Us]
• SCIENTOLOGY'S RECIPE FOR BABY MALNUTRITION AND, QUITE POSSIBLY, INFANT BOTULISM [Chello.nl]
• Is Leah Remini A Pushover Mom? [Rachael Ray]

While in New York, the Cruises had dinner with Jessica Seinfeld, possibly to discuss kid stuff (the third Seinfeld spawn is just about the same age as Suri). And though Katie's offer to star in a Broadway play this fall has allegedly been vetoed by Tom, she was at least allowed to accompany him to the Frances McDormand and Morgan Freeman-starring Country Girl. And as the photos above show, Suri is beginning to resemble Katie more and more with every passing month. Which has us thinking, maybe it's time to put those Rosemary's Baby rumors to rest.

[Photo credits: Splash, Vanity Fair]

• HAVE BABY, WILL TRAVEL: TOM AND KATIE TAKE SURI ON A MANHATTAN MINIBREAK [Daily Mail]

As we reported, on the night of April 16th when Posh and Becks held an intimate dinner the night before her actual birthday, only a select few glamour girls were invited, like Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale. But being the clever talentless superstar that she is, Posh sneakily planned a bigger, better, over-the-top celebration last night, inviting the more usual suspects like Will Smith, Elton John and Gwen Stefani.

And, thankfully, Tom and Katie. But it turns out Tom had a good excuse for missing last week's gathering; he was busy saving the world one gala at a time by presenting an award at the Will Rogers Motion Picture dinner that night.

And as for Katie, we're never ones to jump on the premature pregnant guessing game, but compared to her most recent trend of showcasing her trim figure with body-hugging dresses, this loosely fitting shift dress is the ideal shape when it comes to hiding baby bumps. Has the all-mighty Cruise sperm struck again?

[Photo credits: X17]

• TOM AND KATIE CELEBRATE VICTORIA'S 34TH [Just Jared]

As we heard last week, Tommy had just about had it with Katie and Posh's buddy system when it came to losing weight, and intended on splitting up the power union so he could have his regular-sized wife back. And we'll never know how they do it (or who "they" is, for that matter), but all the forces of Scientology seem to have come together to dissuade Katie from hanging out with the Beckham bunch in order to please Hubbard Hall of Famer Cruise. But really, we somehow suspect Beckinsale and Longoria are far more fun to hang out with. They both have that ginormous toothy laugh going on, and don't come accompanied by men who are over a foot shorter than them in their heels.

[Photo credit: Pacific Coast News via Daily Mail]

• POSH AND NEW BEST FRIENDS KATE AND EVA DINE OUT AHEAD OF 34TH BIRTHDAY...BUT WHERE WERE THE CRUISES? [Daily Mail]

"[Cruise] was out for like ten years...Some are out but don't talk about it. Why? The church is scary. These are bad motherfuckers...Let Will Smith know that his shit was fucking recorded. And tell him to look them in the eye and see if he believes it when they deny it."

In his VV interview, Beghe says the three-minute YouTube video "barely scratches the surface" of a much longer session he recorded with Operation Clambake leader Andreas Heldal-Lund and the Anonymous group's "wise beard man," Mark Bunker. Though Beghe seems to be attempting to shoot down Scientology's cred by claiming the religion "stunts your evolution" and saying members aren't happy even after spending enormous amounts of money to reach level OT-VIII (beyond Clears), his maniacal laugh midway through the clip is eerily similar to Cruise's high-pitched giggles. And while a member of the Church, Beghe was declared "clear as a fucking bell." If the actor's aggressive ranting isn't enough to scare potential Scientologists like Smith out of joining the Knights of Hubbard, his current state of insanity certainly is.

• SCIENTOLOGY'S FIRST CELEBRITY DEFECTOR REVEALS CHURCH SECRETS [VV]
• EX-SCIENTOLOGIST RIPS CHURCH [NY Post]

"Will is definitely in the process of becoming a member, 'He's been getting more and more involved. And it isn't just him, it's definitely Jada, too. It's that as he becomes more involved, you'd think he'd sort of help fly the flag with Tom (Cruise), who seems to only get a bad rap for it, while Will does this and comes through just fine.'"

According to an upcoming cover story in Radar, designer and Style Channel star Kimora Lee Simmons has been involved with the Church for years, even lending her recognizable visage to promotional materials used in a children's school in 2006. Apparently Scientology leader David Miscavige "spoke glowingly of Kimora Lee Simmons' efforts to distribute a personalized edition of Hubbard's The Way to Happiness' featuring her image on the cover, to school kids in New Jersey." Interesting. Naturally, reps for Will and Kimora deny the fact that they're Scientologists. But, as we noted two months ago, Will disturbingly gave free coupons for personality tests at an E-Meter outlet to the entire cast and crew of Hancock as his wrap gift. We know Will's a funny guy, but this action doesn't pass the sniff test for being some sort of Kutcher-esque prank. And Kimora's career has been taking off a bit of late (working with E! on their red carpet, etc.). Now, if only Cruise and Miscavige can get Oprah on board, they'll really be onto something...

[Photo Credit: Wire Image]

• WILL SMITH, JADA THE NEW FACES OF SCIENTOLOGY? [The Scoop]