The Daily News reports that the charges were dropped after an investigation because Proenza Schouler co-designer Jack McCollough, who found himself on the business end of Keifer's forehead, was being uncooperative.

"We declined to prosecute after a full investigation, including talking to the complaining witness who was quite uncooperative," a spokeswoman for District Attorney Robert Morgenthau said.

McCollough had his nose broken in the altercation, which was spurned on because Sutherland did not like the way McCollough was treating Brook Shields. This was just like the time on 24 when Jack Bauer's daughter was stuck in a trap and being attacked by a mountain lion, except Shields has more acting talent than the daughter, and McCollough is not nearly as fierce as a lion.

Yes, he may have gotten off scot-free, but his reputation is not untarnished. After all, how macho is it to beat up on fashion designers? That's kind of like beating up a 14-year-old girl with glasses.

Sutherland's behavior, like his corrosive and overtly propagandist TV serial, was gratuitously savage; undisputed is that he head-butted designer Jack McCollough at the nightclub, and that McCollough never laid a hand on the actor or presented an imminent threat to anyone else. The only fact in question is whether McCollough stumbled into actress Brooke Shields before getting slammed (Sutherland's people apparently mark this as sufficient justification).

Still, it's a minor charge: Third-degree assault. Sutherland is unlikely to face jail time — in New York.

But Los Angeles is a different matter. There, Sutherland is in the midst of a five-year probation term for his second drunk driving conviction, and will be in violation of that probation if he is found to have broken any laws. Los Angeles prosecutors have already told People they plan to "review the incident" in New York.

A finding of intoxicated battery could draw an especially harsh penalty, of 48 days or more. And that, in turn, could mean delays for 24, set to start production on its eighth season at the end of May, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The show already had a hellish, truncated season 7 due to the writer's strike.

Never let it be said that Kiefer Sutherland doesn't know how to get out of a jam like this one when the clock is ticking. But take away his ability to magically solve all problems by beating the crap out of someone and suddenly his situation, not to mention Fox's, looks a lot more precarious.

Somehow, says the magazine, friends of the actor managed to sneak a mysterious adult performer through Sutherland's booze-soaked perimeter on his most recent birthday. However, there was something about this stripper that wouldn't take a hastily improvised torture session to reveal:

A source told the National Enquirer magazine: "The lights dimmed and raunchy blues music blared. A nearly naked blonde bombshell slinked in the room, shoved Kiefer down on a chair and began dancing. But at the moment of truth, when Kiefer expected the stripper to remove her leopard print teddy, 'she' ripped off her wig!"

Kiefer was lost for words and hastily pushed the stripper off his lap, much to the amusement of his friends.

The source added: "Kiefer's jaw dropped and he shoved the she-male away as his pals collapsed screaming. He looked angry for a moment, but soon regained his manners and spoke cordially to the stripper."

Ashamed at his inability to uncover a highly-placed gender mole before it was too late, Sutherland promptly went rogue, demanding answers from some of the more leathery women seated at the bar of his favorite watering hole, Ye Rustic Inn. "DAMMIT!" he barked. "Is that your natural, male baritone, or did you earn that voice through thirty years of breakfast bourbon and Camel Lights?"

• Kiefer Sutherland's stripper shock [FemaleFirst]

"This was my first Kiefer sighting, and as such, lived up to everything I had ever dreamed it would be. He was sloshed, and making loving, physically affectionate small talk with a young couple. (The girl was cute, and had a mohawk. The guy was nondescript.) At one point he was talking so kind of—oratorially—we really had no option but to stop our conversation and take it all in. We have no idea what he was saying—but not because it was too loud. We just couldn't understand what it was he was saying. Merry Christmas, Kiefer!"

[Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

"There's no smoking," Sutherland, 41, tells Men's Vogue in its December/January issue, which hits newsstands Nov. 25. "The lights never go out, 24/7. You can't cover anything. You can't even put your head under a blanket. All the cells have cameras in them."

Although Sutherland has resumed smoking, the knowledge that he could go 48 days with his Camels is a comforting thought.

"My drinking was not a daily thing, so it wasn't an issue. And, oddly enough, neither was the smoking," he tells the magazine, adding, "I was very glad to know that I could quit. And one day soon I will."

Until then, though: hot wings at Ye Rustic are on Kiefer! He'll just be outside, trying to bum a Camel light off the drunk, 50-year-old blonde (Liz?) he saw sitting at the end of the bar, head lolling just low enough to earn her brittle bleached hair an extra sheen of beer-soaked highlights.

• Kiefer Sutherland Describes Jail Ordeal [People]

This installment's sightings include Kim Kardashian, Kiefer Sutherland, Pierce Brosnan, Farrah Fawcett, Marilyn Manson, Ari Emanuel, Marcia Cross, Isla Fisher, Jon Hamm, Larry Flynt, Chris Robinson, Peter Graves, Shenae Grimes, Dustin Milligan, Lisa Rinna, Bill Walton, William Baldwin, Chynna Phillips, Linda Evans, Gunnar Nelson (!) and more.

THURSDAY, SEPT. 4

· Walking through the hallways of a building deep in the heart of Toluca Lake is FARRAH FAWCETT. Farrah raised her head to look me in the eye with a a look that said, "Yes I am Farrah Fawcett and don't talk to me." Farrah had heavy duty perfume situation going on that wafted in the hallway well after she left the building. Christie Brinkley is about the same age as her but Farrah looks like she has been through the ringer and had a rough, rough, hard-drinking, hard-partying, heavy-tanning life. Use sunscreen kids. Use sunscreen.

· Tuesday night's Bob Dylan concert at the Santa Monica Civic was ripe with celebrities, and I do mean ripe. NBA legend and Laker dad BILL WALTON couldn't get a reserved seat, he actually got tossed out of his first one that he just bogarted and was forced to stand against the wall, until someone recognized him and gave him a different reserved seat. Fellow Irishmen COLM MEANEY and PIERCE BROSNAN were spotted separately briefly. Anything but standing room only for TV's and former funnyman RICHARD LEWIS. And finally, one of the NELSON BROTHERS, most likely GUNNAR.

· I don't know if this counts, but I was having lunch at Porta Via and I spotted SWEET P (Project Runway, season 4) and a friend (boy? husband?). She walked by my table and was stunned when I called her name and that someone recognized her. She is sweet in person. I then had to explain Project Runway to my visiting co-worker from London. He remains confused.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 6

· Air Canada flight 744 from LAX to Toronto ... A very laid back and un-made-up MARILYN MANSON (or "Mr. Warner" to the attendants) and Endeavor's ARI EMANUEL (in gym shorts and crocs) in business class, film festival-bound.

SUNDAY, SEPT. 7

· Sunday afternoon, Silverlake - walked straight past KIEFER SUTHERLAND and a blonde woman in the Vons supermarket parking lot on Sunset / Hollywood / Virgil / Hillhurst / Sunset Drive. He was carrying the shopping bags (like a gentleman), no doubt stocking up on Haagen-Dazs to watch Britney's big comeback at the VMAs that night. More importantly, what is up with that K-hole of a junction?

· ISLA FISHER and baby OLIVE were at the Grove on Sunday between 3:30 and 4:30. Isla was wearing an orange, off the shoulder, embroidered hippie-ish cotton dress (the type popular at Anthropology last year), and little Olive was wearing a mini version of the same thing in white. Her hair was in a loose braid. I saw her first walking through Anthropology (she was disappointed her hippie dresses went out of style) and then later walking into Nordstrom. I was not stalking her; she was stalking me. I am worried Isla does not has any friends in LA— what celebrity goes shopping by herself (babies don't count), at The Grove, on a Sunday? Don't judge me for being at the Grove; sometimes you just wind up there. I'm hopeful she'll have a new posse following her around after her new movie comes out. Either way, she has Sacha Baron Cohen.

MONDAY, SEPT. 8

· I was walking my dog when I noticed Topanga from Boy Meets World (DANIELLE FISHEL) at Callender's Grill on Wilshire. She was sitting outside on the patio and in deep discussion with an older woman I didn't recognize. She had on really heavy eyeliner!

TUESDAY, SEPT. 9

· Oh poor LARRY FLYNT the Porn King. Saw him at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills. Sweaty, quite icky looking and dazed. That's all I've got to say about that.

· St. Louis to LAX Tuesday morning, JON HAMM was in first class. We talked to him at baggage claim, and he was ridiculously nice. The man is also really ridiculously good looking. I can't believe Sterling Cooper allows its employees to fly the friendly skies with American Airlines.

WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 10

· Montecito, the lush, obscenely wealthly Santa Barbara enclave is a great little getaway, especially if you go off season as to avoid the onslaught of Hollywood- from Oprah to Cameron Diaz. (I just shuddered.) Ordering a late breakfast at Xanadu when I saw that 2 feet away, WILLIAM BALDWIN and wife CHYNNA PHILLIPS are at a table waiting for their grub. Did not even recognize her. She looked beat- a skeletor-long raggedy hair, in a floor length white totally weird Hare Krishna getup.

Not until Billy opened his sexy mouth to call her back inside to eat did I inwardly sigh upon hearing that famous Baldwin voice. Oh that dulcet, mellifluous voice! He looks good. My husband said "Has he done anything since Backdraft? ... Chynna was screeching into her cell; so obnoxious, looking for attention of which she got none, and finally for those of us eating outside, she succumbed to that Baldwin Brother siren-call and went back to her table. Yes sir, that is one good looking guy with a voice that makes my knees buckle. Yum Yum Yummy. Not the omelet, the Baldwin.

THURSDAY, SEPT. 11

· One for the ages, PETER GRAVES, looking great for 82, in business class on my flight today from JFK to LAX. Like a dork, I smiled and said “Hi” as I trudged back to coach with the masses. I saw him doing a morning show yesterday (they all blend), some sort of “reunion” with Robert Hayes et. al, and there he was, on my airplane, on September 11th, making me feel better about flying.

· MARCIA CROSS, one of TV's Desperate Housewives is sitting with me in AA ECONOMY from STL to LAX right now! How continental.

SUNDAY, SEPT. 14

· Saw that guy who plays Ethan (DUSTIN MILLIGAN) and that girl who plays Silver (JESSICA STROUP) on the new version of 90210 having lunch together at Mani's on Fairfax. In this case, lunch meaning that he was eating while she watched.

· The place: The Rose Bowl Flea Market. I'd always heard that lots of celebs frequented this, but in almost two years of faithful attendance, I'd never actually seen one. ... But today, I saw CHRIS ROBINSON of the Black Crowes (and ex-Kate Hudson husband), who appeared to be accompanied by a very comely lass. And that's the difference between a rock star and me (an accountant): Chris Robinson gets willowy, hot chicks, and i get girls who look like Chris Robinson. Conclusion: I have taken a severely wrong career path and am in the wrong profession. That is all.

MONDAY, SEPT. 15

· Saw the new Brenda (SHENAE GRIMES) and Naomi (ANNALYNNE MCCORD, who incidentally makes me ache for Tori's acting chops) last night at the Belmont. New Brenda is as shockingly adorable in person as on TV but was completely sans trademark smile and actually appeared pouty and pissed at times. She and the even-less-beautiful-in-person Naomi (the new Emily Valentine?), who has overgelled 90's hair and is clearly skinnier than her own body type would prefer, were feverishly chain smoking. They were also HARDcore flirting with their waiter, the only guy there more interested in them than the cowboys and eagles. Between packs of cigarettes the girls were, yep, drinking. I'll save you the trouble of looking it up: New Brenda's only 18. Oooooo! I hope new Jim and Aunt Becky don't find out, new 90210 is boring enough without old 90210's lesson-learned moralizing.

TUESDAY, SEPT. 16

· So about an hour ago, 3:15 or so Wednesday afternoon, I'm going for a run along Beverly Blvd. I'm just E of Fairfax on the S side of the street when there's a pretty bad car wreck right in front of me. A westbound car turned left into the CBS gate, and a small car was gunning it eastbound in the lane closest to the sidewalk and didn't see them.

So the security guard goes to one car, I tell another car to call 911. No one is critically hurt, but we help the guy who's bleeding pretty bad onto the sidewalk. I go out into the street to stand there and let people know they have to get over cuz one of the mangled cars is sitting in the middle of the intersection.

After 5-10 minutes, I see a tow truck and a fire truck coming our way from around Fairfax, but traffic is now pretty jacked so it's slow. The tow truck is all set to come down the emergency lane when this giant black tinted Escalade looking thing cuts in front of it to pass the stalled traffic. Keep in mind the tow truck has flashers on. As the Escalade gets closer, I'm waving my hands to tell it to get over, but it won't. Then I notice the chick driving is on her cell, holding it up to her ear. I walk up to her car now, hit the passenger side door and say "get over - there's a tow truck and a fire truck behind you - there's been a bad accident."

At this point, she rolls down the window to reveal her KIM KARDASHIAN self [...] who tells me "Don't you touch my car." I thought, "Are you fucking kidding me?! there's a guy on the sidewalk with his head bleeding." I then screamed at her "Are you fucking kidding me?! There's a guy on the sidewalk with his head bleeding!!" to which she responds "I know, but don't touch my car." She finally merges into the other lane and jams it through the yellow light to make the intersection.

She said "I know?" I KNOW that I'm holding up rescue in my tinted-ass Escalade looking thing and on my cell, but the only thing I care about is not to hit my car.

I hate humanity.

WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 17

· Saw LINDA EVANS at the Intercontinental bar last night. Fortunately she left before I had my third martini — otherwise I would've hummed the Dynasty theme to her.

TODAY

· LISA RINNA working out at Fitness Factory with her trainer. Her face looked like the clay pot in the movie Ghost after Patrick Swayze fucked it up.

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[Photo credit: X17]

• Previously: Hollywood Privacywatch: Kiefer and Gary Oldman Enjoy Subs, Brunettes [Defamer]

This week's installment also includes: Katherine Heigl, Anthony Michael Hall, Bryan Singer, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, Louie Anderson, Tatyana Ali, Gordon Ramsey, Catherine Keener, Bradley Cooper, Victor Garber and more!

SATURDAY, AUGUST 9
· Saw KATHERINE HEIGL at Cliff's Edge in Silverlake. My parents were in town and we wanted to take them someplace nice. We were sitting up in the outside covered area when Heigl and her entourage (which included her mother) were seated next to us. Alas, she decided that she didn't want to sit there (I heard her say something about not being able to smoke. Dead serious.), so they moved to a very secluded corner. Or, she may not have wanted to sit by us because when she came in, my sister nudged me and I totally turned around in my seat to look at who or what prompted the nudge ... perhaps she thought I was a super-fan who would lose my shit if she sat next to us. She would have been safe as I am not. Also, her voice is pretty annoying in person —way crackier than it is in movies.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13
· Saw ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL at Farmer's Market on Wednesday Aug 13th with Fiona Forbes (she's a Canadian tv host who no one in LA would reconize but i did!) He's still a little geeky.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 16
· Fiesta Cantina, The 'Ho: Fighting my way through the gay-os to secure one last 2-for-1 drink special, I spotted BRYAN SINGER jauntily hopping to the music as he entered. He looked fresh and young but not as fresh and young looking as the A&F wearing tyke he was with.
· JERRY O'CONNELL stopped by the 12 Shiny Nickels comedy show in Hollywood on Saturday night to see Carpoolers co-star TJ Miller perform. Seemed to have a delightful time.

MONDAY, AUGUST 18
· Around 11:30ish, saw PUFF DADDY trying to de-puff himself with some light cardio at Equinox West Hollywood. Take that, take that!
· LOUIE ANDERSON in front of Susina on Beverly.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 19
· Saw twice in one night: the beautiful TATYANA ALI at Gingergrass and Hyperion Tavern with some friends.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20
· Had two good sightings in one night along the douchey Sunset Strip. First, outside of Ketchup, chef GORDON RAMSEY and his family. He was laid back and non-shouty, his kids looked happy and content and not snobby and privileged (I always look at the kids to see if they look miserable!). Then, later that night, outside of BLD Craft we see CATHERINE KEENER in the valet area. I spot her as we walk up and just as we pass her I said in a dorky voice "Catherine Keener, I love you". It cracked up the valet but she looked utterly confused and surprised (but awesome).
· Mini-Alias nonreunion in the Arclight lobby: BRADLEY COOPER exited with hipster friends; one minute later, VICTOR GARBER entered.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22
· KIEFER SUTHERLAND must like the sandwiches at Dan Subs. Because he was there in Woodland Hills, on Ventura Blvd, again. This time, he was with GARY OLDMAN a Gary Oldman lookalike. Kiefer did not look so good — he looked exhausted. But he seemed to be enjoying his sub, but not nearly as much as the two stunning brunettes that were with them.

• Late Show

Take a photo tour after the jump:

Before you begin sobbing between self-pitying bites of Myrtle Burger—positive the listing means we'll see a reduction in Kiefer's legendary pub-crawling exploits in the area—we'll leave you with this thought: You can take Kiefer out of Silver Lake, but you can never take the Silver Lake out of Kiefer. Whoever buys this property, perhaps some Arabian sultan seriously obsessed with 24, we hereby commission you to erect a wonky-looking-Kiefer mural on its facade.

Enjoy the tour.

• Kiefer Sutherland Lives Large in the Ghetto [The Real Estalker]

Is the movie sticking to the TV show's real-time format?

It is. This two hours is two hours in real time and there'll then be 22 episodes. I don't know how they connect it to the first of those 22 episodes but it's literally the third hour...

So it will lead straight into the new series?

Yeah.

Though last season's 24 might have been better off as 16, Kiefer-starved fans will no doubt take this news poorly (to say nothing of the Mary Lynn Rajskub message boards!). Rest assured, though, producers are working overtime to provide even more twists and turns to make up for the season's two lost episodes. Spoiler alert: the Christmas tree was behind it all!

• Robert Carlyle Talks '24: The Movie' [Premiere]

boomp3.com



Mirrors star Kiefer Sutherland and gal pal Siobhan Bonnouvrier attempted to flex their star power muscle at a New York area Apple Store over the weekend. After talking with the store's manager for quite a lengthy time, Sutherland was unable to get his hand on the soon to be release iPhone 3G. Bonnouvrier asked the manager if he knew whom they were dealing and if he's been enjoying all the freedom that Jack Bauer has provided over the last seven years. The manager replied, "I'd gladly give a phone to one of The Lost Boys, but we don't have any yet. My hands are tied on this one." Sutherland asked if he could use the excuse that it's a matter of national security to get the phone, but the manager shrugged his shoulders and said that he could sell them one of the first generation phones and that was about it. Sutherland and his girlfriend left the store while stating that it wasn't over between them yet and that the next time will be personal.

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

In 2001, 24 debuted. Its premiere episode was nearly pulled because it featured a plane getting shot out of the sky in a scenario eerily similar to the events of September 11th. But viewers who found the terrorists-are-out-to-get-us premise all too believable could relax because Jack Bauer was assigned to protect an African-American presidential candidate. There was no way that was realistic; there weren't even any Black senators. But a funny thing happened. Palmer won the election. We've spent the past six years watching an African-American president. We've seen him handle one ridiculous crisis after another — and he seemed to be doing a better job than the president we actually had. Palmer even had some of Obama's annoying qualities. He always wanted to take the high road, even when the situation merited a Jack Bauer style ass-kicking. He was too trusting of his unscrupulous associates.

The Obama/Palmer connection has been observed throughout the blogosphere and by the actor who played Palmer himself, Dennis Haysbert. Who knows. Maybe Hilary's real problem was that TV's female president is relegated to basic cable on Battlestar Galactica.

The gay marriage-television link is equally strong. While gay weddings were occasional plot points dating back to the Seinfeld episode where Elaine attends a gay wedding, this past season they were parts of the season finales of two of ABC's hits. Moreover, they were presented as ordinary events, no different than heterosexual marriage ceremonies. Brothers and Sisters ended with Kevin and Scotty's wedding, which was attended by a Republican senator.

On Desperate Housewives, conservative, gun toting Republican Bree, who once abandoned her gay son, catered the wedding of Wisteria Lane gays, Bob and Lee. None of the heterosexuals on the block raised an eye brow.

Mere weeks later, the California Supreme Court legalized gay marriage. Coincidence? Probably. But the muted opposition outside of Kern County could be because people are already used to seeing gay weddings on TV.

In today's installment: Kiefer Sutherland, Lauren Bacall, Ashlee Simpson, Christopher "McLovin Sucks Balls!" Mintz-Plasse, Paula Abdul, Bob Odenkirk, Hank Azaria, David Wain, Benjamin McKenzie, Jackie Warner, Paul Haggis, Jane Lynch, Shane West, Ken Davitian (twice!), Brad Garrett, Joe Rogan, Bitsie Tulloch, Jennifer Morrison, Christopher Titus and more.

FRIDAY, MAY 20
· Sitting at the bar at 4100, smack dab in the middle of a Square Pegs DVD discussion, trying to remember the name of the actress who played Muffy, my friend suggests asking the guy who just sat down next to us. I turn around to see everyone’s favorite Lost Boy, Kiefer Sutherland, who just happened to co-star with her (Jami Gertz) in that iconic bit of cinematic magic. Fellow patrons approached us with their best The Lost Boys quotes. “Mi-chael, Mi-chael.” & “It’s just noodles.” were among the favorites. Surprisingly, there was not one quote from A Few Good Men—WTF?. Lt. Jonathan Kendrick was drinking J & B neat with a few civilians who favored PBR in a can. He did a funny little dance when “Oh Bondage, Up Yours” came on the jukebox, which my friend took to mean that he did not approve. After he had a few drinks in him, Jack Bauer was overheard to say to a female companion, “I would definitely be all over your ass.” I figured Chloe must have downloaded the schematics to his PDA. After last call we were escorted out while he stayed with his friends to smoke and drink.

TUESDAY, MAY 27
· Saw Benjamin McKenzie and a male friend eating in silence at Hugo's. Both wolfed down their quasi-healthy and always-surprisingly-bland-fare (seriously! why do i keep going back?) with nary a word spoken between them. Afterwards they shared a huge chocolate sundae. Then they simultaneously texted. In silence. A few grunts here and there and that was all. A typical hetero night in Boystown? That guy was amazing in Junebug, btw. Seriously. What a great actor.

· Saw Brad Garrett rocking out to the Police during night one of their two nights at the Hollywood Bowl. The people behind him only heard the show. Dude is tall. He left during the encore.

THURSDAY, MAY 29
· This one's for all of you - all three of you- who are obsessed with internet sensation/primetime disaster QUARTERLIFE. R.E.M. show at the Bowl: saw "Dylan", Bitsie Tulloch, and her QLIFE enemy "Britanny", Barret Swatek. In line together, buying one lone beer. I so wanted them to start making out like they did on screen but they just flirted with the lucky guy next to them and walked off into the night to drink their beer and probably make out in the dark to some REM soft ballad. Also, looks as though Qlife didn't pay that well because they were both in serious need of a sandwich.

· The West Hollywood Equinox is no stranger to (sort of) celebrities, but this morning I saw Jackie Warner from Bravo's "Work Out" there. I don't normally care very much who I see there, but I found it interesting that a woman with a reality show about owning a gym doesn't even work out there! What a sham...

· I saw Shane West last night (5/29) and the 24-hour fitness in Hollywood, looking very good. A lot shorter in person than I would expect.

· At the DGA screening of Dirty Harry, I saw: Paul Haggis, Ken Davitian (of Borat fame), Gary Cole from Office Space and The Brady Bunch movies, Christopher "Shooter McGavin" McDonald (he seemed pretty friendly to a group of girls who approached him in the lobby after the screening), Jon Voight (he too seemed nice, posing for a few pictures with fans), and Lonny Ross from 30 Rock, who seemed to be by himself. I really wanted to approach him and tell him what a huge fan of 30 Rock I am, but I don't recall him being on any of the recent episodes, so I didn't want to offend him in case he's no longer on it.

SATURDAY, MAY 31
· At Palmetto (bath-goop store on Montana in Santa Monica), saw Lauren Bacall. She was being fawned over by the staff, plied with lotions balms and salves. Well why not? She's a legend and she had Bogart. Looks good, and still has that plummy, New York voice.

· Saw Joe Rogan of Fear Factor fame standing outside of the movie theaters at The Grove. He had his entire index finger in his mouth, apparently trying to pick a kernel of popcorn from his teeth or something. Dude, that's what bathrooms are for.

SUNDAY, JUNE 1
· Had lunch at Maggiano's on Sunday (June 1st) and saw Paula Abdul there. She was pretty much ignoring the three people in her group by talking nonstop on her cell.

· Arrived to an oddly not-terribly-crowded Hugo's on SMB just as Jane Lynch walked out. While patiently waiting for our table, Milo Ventimiglia walked in (wearing a black Robot Chicken T-Shirt) and patiently waits to be seated. Although we thought we had experienced our share of sightings for a single Hugo's outing, as we went to pull out from the parking lot behind the restaurant, Bryan Singer pulled up in his gas guzzler.

· The delightfully normal-looking and -acting (yet brilliant and funny) Bob Odenkirk at the Trader Joe's in Silver Lake during the morning. Good sighting, but i was more thrilled to find an actual parking spot...

· Was wandering around the afterparty at the MTV Movie Awards and, predictably, saw a lot of famous people running around. I won't bore you with those details, but this one stuck. Anna Faris was talking to a group of friends when two female fans approached her, asking for a picture. Being the doll that she is, she complied. However, her douchebaggy boyfriend (gentleman caller?) was really rude to these fans. He laughed dismissively when they asked her, and then made fun of them after they left. What a dick.

MONDAY, JUNE 2
· Hank Azaria was at the 7:15pm screening of Bigger, Stronger, Faster* at the Arclight. I wonder which of his characters is on the juice? Chief Wiggum? Apu? The Comic Book Guy? Cletus? Professor Frink? Dr. Nick Riveria (he's kind of like an anti-aging doctor), Snake is definitely on steroids...

TUESDAY, JUNE 3
· I had an eventful 30 minutes or so sitting in the Arclight courtyard on June 3rd. I saw chameleon actor Clifton Collins Jr. with a woman who looked, as Variety likes to put it, non-industry. Next up: Heavenly Creature Melanie Lynskey and her husband, Sunny in Philadelphia's Jimmi Simpson. And finally, the willowy Jennifer Morrison breezed past with her new beau Amaury Nolasco from Prison Break. Is it too far-fetched to conclude they were all coming out of the same screening of Sex and the City?

· Saw former good actor Michael Rapaport while having lunch at Bloom. Thankfully, the female talent dining there distracted me enough that I even forgot about seeing him until a moment ago. Food was ultra-tasty, btw. But seriously, kids, the women there were all the more delicious.

· Saw David Wain at the Groundworks coffee on the corner of Sunset and Cahuenga. He's an early riser, that one. Resisted the urge to quote Wet Hot American Summer lines while he stood in line. He grabbed himself a morning coffeee, wandered around for a few minutes and then headed out the door.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
· During the early afternoon, saw Rashida Jones looking good and getting into a black hybrid SUV nr Robertson Blvd and Alden. My Chappelle's Show-loving girlfriend went "Team Karen! Oh hey, is it muthafuckin' tizzight?" (in a friendly way). She didn't turn around.

· [ED. NOTE — We normally don't include NYC sightings, but this one is kinda priceless] Ashlee Simpson at Kips Bay movie theater in NYC. It was not hard to spot Ashlee at the 7p screening of Sex and the City. She was sitting in a ROPED OFF area with her NONtourage - totally solo. She had purchased 3 rows of seats so that she would not have to mix with the plebs. An usher stood by the ropes to explain to all the bitter patrons why they couldn't sit there. EW.

· Lunchtime at the McDonalds in Century City, we spotted Ken Davitian, he of balls in the face Borat fame, wolfing down his meal very quickly. He didn't eat the bun, he apparently ate all his fries, and seemed in and out in about 10 minutes! We watched him quite openly instead of being all stealth and nonchalant about it. He did not notice us staring at him or hear me whispering probably a little too loud: "Jeeze, I've seen that guys balls".

THURSDAY, JUNE 5
· At the Parliament show at Crash Mansion, saw McLovin' wearing a Red Sox cap and talking trash about the Lakers with some fans. He was polite and patient with the people, who did not return the favor. When his friends finally extricated him from the mob, the scorned fans shouted loudly "McLovin' Sucks Balls!" All class, Laker fans.

· Very tall and skinny Christopher Titus at one of 80,000 Starbucks on Ventura Blvd, in Studio City.

It is incomprehensible to me that Mrs. Clinton can seriously be touting the notion, with the support of the punditocracy of CNN and Fox, that she is leading in the popular vote and should therefore be seriously considered as the most electable candidate in the November election. ...

[W]hat about us? What about the American people? Haven't we had enough of Mrs. Clinton's mad antics in her pursuit of the realization of venal personal ambition; her "say anything, do anything, no matter what" effort to manipulate our all too willing media to gull this country's populace into believing that her wretched illegitimacy is indeed legitimate. How much mendacity do we have to suffer, how much brazenness do we have to swallow before someone, anyone, has the decency, the common sense, to relieve us of this terrible trifle, this pathetic madness?

Such vitriol — from a Canadian! Anyway, if you're reading this, Kiefer, your Dad's OK. You can pick him up at Arianna's.

• Hillary's Popular Vote Notion only 'Popular' with the Punditocracy [HuffPo]

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In a Forgetting Sarah Marshall inspired moment of honesty, Kiefer Sutherland told his girlfriend, Siobhan Bonnouvrier, that he doesn't care that much for the clothing she picks out for him. Sutherland told his gal pal that he's far more comfortable in a V-Neck from American Apparel than the giant scarves the 24 star has been forced to wear lately. She quickly corrected him, explaining that there's a BIG difference between a scarf and a pashmina. Sutherland started to remove the pashmina and said, "Well, whatever it is, I don't like it and it's spring so why I am even wearing it?"

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

In today's installment: Russell Crowe, Drew Barrymore, Kiefer Sutherland, Teri Hatcher, Matthew Perry, Chris "Mr. Big" Noth, Chrissie Hynde, Jemaine "Flight Of The Conchords" Clement, Mindy Kaling, Samantha Mathis (with Keith Carradine!), Werner Herzog, Dax Shepard (with Bradley Cooper!), Cedric Yarbrough and Professor Cornell West.

APRIL 10
· Another Matthew Perry Trivia sighting at Barney's Beanery in Pasadena on Thursday. His team of 4, "Dos Dedos", only contained one dressed-up young lady this time, and most likely took first right in front of the antagonistically-named "Bing's Bingers". I say "most likely" because I left before they announced my losing score...

APRIL 11
· Standing in line with all the middle aged punkers at the X reunion show at the Henry Fonda Theatre was Chrissie Hynde...She looked great and didn't look like she's had any work done...couldn't believe she had to wait in line with the rest of us!

APRIL 12
· Drew Barrymore was at the Derby Dolls roller derby on Saturday night April 12th. Here is some photographic evidence.

· I was having lunch at Cafe '50's in Sherman Oaks around 1pm. I couldn't help but notice that every 10 minutes or so, a group of girls ages 7-12 (?) wearing colored bandanas (different colored than the last group, not different colored from each other) with an assigned parent or guardian would come in and have their photo taken by the jukebox (I heard one mother saying it was a scavenger hunt). After 2 or so waves of bandana-wearing tots, Teri Hatcher came in leading the Pink Bandana group. She wasn't wearing much makeup and politely asked for the someone to take the group's photo (that's a switch) by the jukebox. Then they were off, presumably to find 12 bottlecaps or some such that was next on the scavenger list.

APRIL 13
· Russell Crowe with his wife and boys strolling around the Century City mall on Sunday afternoon. They looked like every other family suffering from heat exhaustion.

· Mindy Kaling from The Office having a brunch at Joan's on Third. Met up with some (nonfamous) friends, looked cute and casual, drives an adorable Mini Cooper.

APRIL 14
· Samantha Mathis and Keith Carradine (don't think they were together but stranger pairings have happened in this town) at the Arclight on Monday night. I assume they were there for the special screening that little me wasn't invited to because I didn't see them at my screening of The Visitor. Just before the movie, as I was exiting the ladies room I passed Carradine entering the men's room undoing his pants several feet before the doorway. Note to guys: ick.

· Today at approx. 5:00 PM at the Starbucks in Dana Point, Chris Noth and his girlfriend walked into my Starbucks and ordered a drink. Chris ordered a Chai Tea Latte and his girlfriend had a chop chop pasta salad. They were not with the baby. His girlfriend seemed very very nice. She actually asked for a fork from me and I told her where they were but we were out so I went to the back to get some and brought back one to her and handed it to her and she said thank you and was very nice about it. However, Chris was sort of a dick. Not really a dick to me but a total dick to his girlfriend. Anyways, I thought this was a notable celebrity sighting..

APRIL 16
· could have sworn i saw Jack Bauer at Dan's Subs in the Valley. He even had the arm tats, looked great clean shaven ...he was not with the woman from ny. He had his arm wrapped around a different raven haven hair chic. Much more busty and shorter. at one point he called her Janet (or maybe Janice). He was very happy and relaxed.

· Today at the Koo Koo Roo on Wilshire I saw Cedric Yarbrough, Jonesie from Reno 911. He was hanging out by himself eating lunch listening to something on his earphones. I don't want to say anything bad about him being there or being lame or anything like that because I LOVE Reno 911 and my boyfriend doesn't, so there.

· Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords waiting to cross Los Feliz Boulevard at Hillhurst. Had to look twice because, although that block of the street is not so lousy with hipsters, Clement was blending in with his surroundings. Is he staying in one of the big-ass apartment buildings on the north side of Los Feliz?

APRIL 17
· Saw Werner Herzog at Hollywood Video on Westwood Blvd. ask the clerk if they had a used copy of 'Jungle 2 Jungle' on VHS. [Ed. Note - Really?]

APRIL 18
· Odd couple Dax Shepard & Bradley Cooper (Nip/Tuck, Wedding Crashers) at Katsuya in Studio City.

APRIL 19
· Toast on 3rd Street, today. Was putting my name on the host's list, when I saw an older man in a black suit out of the corner of my eye. I told my friend, "Huh, that orthodox dude looks like Cornell West." And It WAS Cornell West! He was having lunch with a more casually attired Tavis Smiley. The PBS whore in me was totally freaking out.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

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TV's Kiefer Sutherland shied away from even the very faintest sign of PDA while in New York City's Meatpacking district this morning. Sutherland seemed far too concerned with the commotion in the building across the way, wondering if he would have to be called into some 'neck snapping' action. In addition, Sutherland remarked to the mystery woman, "How can I hold your hand AND smoke my cigarette AND carry my umbrella all at the same time?"

[Photo Credit: INF]