Dane Cook first posted the link to this photo, which was then re-tweeted by Jeremy Piven:





Yes, the boys were "nailing down 2am Vegas style" and the conversation leading up to the moment captured in the photograph probably went something like this:

Piven: Dudes! You guys look fucking fresh rocking the Fedoras on your domes. I should've brought mine!

Cook: That's alright bro, you look pretty damn fresh without one. Must be the sushi.

Rock: (Snickers) Yeah brah!

Piven: Hey fuck both of you assholes! NO SUSHI JOKES TONIGHT! Okay?!

Rock: Somebody sure is sensitive!

Cook: Dude, we promise not to toss out any more sushi jokes if you just text Paris and get her over here so we can all run a train on her tonight.

Rock: Dude, I fucking love running trains! One time, me and the dude from Creed...

Cook: Yeah, yeah we know.

Piven: I told you guys, she got back together with her boyfriend Doug.

Rock: So! Screw that guy. He can stand in the corner and watch.

Cook: What about Bai Ling?

Rock: Ah, yeeeeaaaaahhhh!

Piven: No, I've got a better idea — let's post a pic on Twitter and we'll reel in some local Twitter whores with it.

Cook: You're a fucking genius Piv. Seriously — You. Are. A. Fucking. Genius.

Piven: Alright, everybody get in close and strike your best Mt. Douchemore pose. Ready, 1...2...3

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Kid Rock: We're pretty sure there was only one reason why the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape was ever released: to prove (to someone, we don't know who) that these two a) have (or at least had) groupies and b) have received oral sex. We're pretty sure we didn't need to know either of those things — but hey, that's the world of celeb sex tapes for you.

Joanie "Chyna" Laurer: Female pro-wrestlers don't get nearly enough attention in the press—though we're not really sure that the kind of attention that Chyna's sex tape generated was really appreciated by her fellow female wrestlers (can you say "inch-long and thick-as-a-pinkie clitoris with a corona resembling the head of a penis"?).

Amy Fisher: Given that Amy Fisher's biggest claim to fame was shooting someone in the face, it is, perhaps, a little odd that she followed that up with her very own sex tape. Then again, Amy's criminal career was spawned by an affair she had with the much older Buttafuoco. When she was a teenager. And seriously, how hot does "Long Island Lolita: Caught On Tape" sound? (Related, but vastly less hot: the Joey Buttafuoco sex tape.)

Verne Troyer: Next up in our list of unlikely pornstars is Verne Troyer (better known as "Mini-Me."). Though Troyer didn't take too kindly to his time in the spotlight, we feel the release of his sex tape was actually a bit of a public service. Firstly, it taught us all that, no matter how different you may look, there's always someone out there who'll be willing to love you (and commit it to tape!). Secondly, it gave us all a very, very detailed lesson in how not to kiss.

Gene Simmons: And speaking of KISSing (ha!): you can't spell sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll without sex. And no one knows that better than KISS front man Gene Simmons, whose all too brief career in adult entertainment we were more than happy to analyze.

Dustin Diamond: If you'd told us, as kids, that Screech of "Saved by the Bell" fame would one day be the star of his very own sex tape, we probably would have run screaming from the room (well, after having you explain what, exactly, a "sex tape" was). That reaction wouldn't have been so far off: Dustin Diamond's last ditch effort to reclaim the spotlight was pathetic at best—but at the same time, isn't the whole pathetic grasp at fame thing the whole point of a self-released sex tape? (Oh, and also: Dirty Sanchez.)

Jenna Lewis: Screech wasn't the first "celebrity" to cash in on a "stolen" sex tape: that honor goes to Jenna Lewis, better known as Jenna from "Survivor," who raked in over $70,000 (and extended her fifteen minutes of fame) with her very own sex tape.

Kim Kardashian: And then, of course, there was Kim Kardashian's romp with R&B star Ray J. We never really figured out why Kim was supposed to be a celebrity, but at least she managed to make it with someone with at least a little bit of cred. And, for that matter, Kardashian managed to rake in a decent amount of money, too (much as she denied that she had had any part in the tape's public launch).

Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain: Given that Colin Farrell and former Playboy Playmate are two people we'd actually want to see get it on (as opposed to, well, many of the people who made this list), we were largely convinced that their rumored sex tape had to be a hoax. Yet somehow, it wasn't! See, sometimes the powers that be really do listen to our prayers.

Paris Hilton: Paris's tape hits the top of our list not so much for its quality (it's shot in night vision, for one thing, and Paris was never much of performer) but instead for its cultural significance. Before her flirtation with amateur porn, Paris was just a D-list party girl and hotel chain heiress; post-"One Night in Paris," she was a full-fledged C-list celebutante with her very own reality show. Using a sex tape to eke out a modicum of fame and launch oneself into the spotlight? Brilliant. (Oh, and there's also the matter of Paris's sexploits hitting the newswires the same day that Fleshbot launched—five years ago today! So maybe we're a little sentimental? It happens.)

Bonus Scandal! Dita Von Teese: Lovely Dita didn't so much make a "sex tape" as star in some arty lesbian fetish porn—but hey, the video was hot enough (and the scandal hyped up enough), that we had to include it somewhere. It also wins points for generating one of the best headlines ever seen: "Dita Von Teese had sex with a shoe." She sure did.

"Ron Meyer held a screening of 'Borat' at his house for a bunch of people, including Pam and Bob," says an Anderson pal. "It was the first time Bob had seen the movie, and, well, he didn't like it. [...]

[Anderson's] friend tells Page Six, "Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing. [...]

"Ever since that night, it has been icicles between them," the friend relates.

While her image in a 20-year-old Baywatch fanzine may have served to enhance the self-pleasuring fantasies of the movie's titular star and his naked, blubbery producing companion, Anderson's actual performance—mostly comprised of trying to outrun the wild-eyed, bride-trapping Eurasian—hardly qualified as either "whore" or "slut"-like. Surely this couldn't have been the first time Rock betrayed his jealous side, but humiliating the provocative sex symbol among Hollywood's most powerful during a private screening of her hit movie must have simply been the straw that broke the proverbial camel's toe.

• PAM SPLITS OVER KID BLOWUP [NY Post]

Anderson, 39, and Rock, 35, both filed divorce petitions Monday, each citing irreconcilable differences, but they gave different dates of separation. Anderson's papers said they separated before Thanksgiving weekend, on Tuesday, Nov. 21, 2006, while Rock - who filed under his real name, Robert Ritchie - said they separated on Sunday, Nov. 26. No reasons were given for the discrepancy. [...]

Earlier this month, Anderson's rep confirmed that the actress had suffered a miscarriage while in Vancouver filming the movie Blonde and Blonder.

While neither side is offering an explanation as to what happened, certainly Anderson's time spent bonding with laptop-hurling divorcezilla Denise Richards on the Blonde and Blonder set might have planted the seeds that could have set these irreconcilable wheels in motion, to the delight of heartsick, matrimonial-bag-wielding Kazakh bachelors everywhere.

• Pamela Anderson Files for Divorce from Kid Rock [People]
• Diary [PamelaAnderson.com]

Malibu Inn, Saturday night. Went to see Scott and Amie Project play (Scott Russo from UnWritten Law and his gal pal Aimee Allen). Wasn't aware it was "Whitestarr Night". The addiction-challenged band of Rock star kids who are a local Malibu favorite. Roy Orbison's youngster. Dickie Betts's younin' and Izzy of Guns and Roses offspring. In addition it was Sisco's birthday. Whoever he is. Whoopie! Anyhoot, I arrived at 10 pm to see Scott and Aimie and found Kid Rock holding court bar left. Pam Anderson, tight wrapped black shiny thing on heels, within spilling distance. The joint was packed with almost every surf, trust fund and ecstacy-loving kid, Malibu sperm has produced in the last 18 years. At least 500 sun drenched, clean-scrubbed blunderkind of the high end coast dwellers jostled for strategic cell phone positioning throughout the club.

As Scott and Aimee launched into the fourth song of their well-received set, a stuperous, slow moving Kid Rock, shirtless but hatted, ascended to the stage. In mid song he slid behind Russo's mike and indicated he wanted the younger rock star's guitar. The startled Russo unslid his axe and sheepishly turned it over to Rock royalty. In the background you could see recent Emmy winner and wig wearer, JEREMY PIVEN trying to coax the band's drummer off his stool. DUANE BETTS, was in negotiation with Russo's brother to acquire the guitar he was guarding with his life. The entire club rushed the stage, Razr video phones in hand held high to record the presence of rock gallentry. The Rock mumbled incoherently and attempted to start a simple blues. Pivens, now behind the drum set, pounded out a 4/4 beat to no avail. The song collapsed under its own weight. The Betts Boy musically suggested "Ramblin' Man" a song made famous by his Dad, the Allman Brothers drug troubled guitarist. No go. The Kid couldn't remember the words. Song after song died an unsightly death. The members of the Scott and Aimme project stood by nervously while a beaming Pamalot looked on from stage left. A strategically placed body guard prevented anyone from coming on stage to remove the semi-conscious Rockster. Whisper after whisper spilled into Kid's ears. Almost all presumably asking him politely to leave the stage. All fell on drunk ears. No go. At one point Kid Rock just stood there holding onto the mike stand for dear life as the crowd chanted his name and sent out cell phone transmissions of his image. (Hopefully to the Central Office of AA in New York!)

After 30 minutes of this (it seemed like hours and it was only 11 pm!) a chemically enhanced smiling Piven yelled "I won an Emmy" to a crowd that could care less and probably if they gave it any thought at all, believe "Entourage" the hit HBO show that Piven repped, was a reality show of sorts. As the liquor wounded Kid Rock was finally helped down from the stage, Scott and Aimee quickly returned to their set only to be interrupted by the club's manager who informed them that their time had run out and that WHITESTARR would now be taking the stage from them! Whitestarr's drug highs must have been peaking and they needed to take the stage immediately. Which they did. Piven ripped off his shirt from behind the borrowed trap set and yelled, "I won metal!" I guess referring to the composition of the Emmy statue itself.

Only in Malibu kids. Only in Malibu.

Thank you, Team Kid Rock, for saving us from ourselves.

• Kid Rock Sues to Stop Sale of Sex Video [AP]
• Previously: Welcome To The Kid Rock-Scott Stapp Sex Tape [Defamer]