Cohen, the senior vice president of original programming and development at the channel beloved of gays and their hags, started inserting his pretty little face on the tube by hosting the reunion shows of various incarnations of the Real Housewives franchise. Their high ratings naturally lead him to believe that he was the reason viewers were tuning in and decided to give us a weekly dose of wankery on Watch What Happens Live, where he interviews celebrities (about himself) and Bravo mainstays (about how much they love him). It's horrible and we can't stop watching.

Last week featured the sharpened-pencil face of "real" housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub, finally shedding light on the horrible thing she did to fellow housewife Dina Manzo that made sister Caroline cry on the recent reunion show. We also got a booty call with Andy's close personal friend Sarah Jessica Parker. He asks her questions about the Sex and the City episodes he guest-starred in, and she rightfully doesn't remember. Don't worry Andy, we'll kiss your bruised ego and make it all better.

Our favorite bit is when he says he's going to send SJP some fried chicken so that she can put it in the blender and feed it to her newborn twins. That, right there, is why Florida won't let gays adopt children.

What we love is that everything about him and his show is as obvious as Michael Kors' fake tan. This Thursday he has on his friends Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos and designer Isaac Mizrahi, who is cashing his Bravo paycheck when he's not making $10 frocks for Target. So, yet again the show will be all about Andy and his network.

And that's with us. We haven't haven't seen such boldfaced buffoonery on television since Britney and Kevin: Chaotic and look how well that turned out!

Sometimes it's much more firm to watch the Late Show host squirm and make half-hearted self-deprecating jokes than to watch him go on a hilarious tear against someone. (If you're impatient, skip about two minutes in.)

Dawn Simorangkir, who operates the Boudoir Queen label, filed suit against Love on Thursday for "menacing and disturbing" statements she says Love made on Twitter and MySpace, seeking unspecified damages. Besides libel, the charges include invasion of privacy, infliction of emotional distress, breach of contract, and intentional interference with Simorangkir's business.

From the looks of Love's blog posts about Simorangkir, it looks like this was a love-hate relationship. Love called her a "genius" in November for her work on Etsy, an online handicrafts site. And then MySpace user Boudoir Queen gave Love "kudos" after she praised a design with "fucking ankle cuffs with fringe" as being "HOT" in December.

Things quickly soured. In January, Love posted a rambling entry on MySpace which said Simorangkir was charging "crazy money." And then Love accused her of theft on Twitter:

wwd. someone who will NEVER grace your pages the felonious Dawn/Boudoir Queen witnessed stealing 2 MASSIVE army bags out of the chat at 4am

After the news broke today, Love went on a crazy Twitter rampage and accused "Lohan and Kelly" — Lindsay Lohan and Kelly Ripa? — of stealing ADD drugs from her at a past Coachella music festival. (Love has feuded with Ripa before.)

Add to this debacle the litigious comments from reality-TV harlot Kim Kardashian, and Love looks to be in a whole heap of tweet trouble!

All we can say is: Keep up the tweets, Courtney! Things were so lonely when you swore off blogging last year.

(Photo by Getty Images)

Love's first salvo came last night and was entitled, "peta etc whose that girl with the big boobies?/RICO statutes." As one could no doubt infer from the title's ingenious blending of high and low culture, the entry was principally concerned with extending Love's feud with the Kardashian family, as well as examining the identity thieves who have embezzled from her. There are also segments like this:

my mortgage fraud strikes me as not only New York NJ GA TX and PA and CT problems, its very very much a California problem, weve got 27 legitimate Cobains in the USA and no "Kobanes"Kobains" o otherwise, yet i have over 9800 deeds , and theyre all the tip of the iceberg because my mac is so hacked when i get a piece of data it changes so now curtiss leeorthmann is KELLY RIPA
Kelly r IPA
IPA KELLY CONSUELAS IPPA
Ripa Kelly w
kelly-rippa
to a computer like at experian that "-" is a z or an r, its a etter, so Curtiss is Kelly Ipa Ripa i didnt take her for a soho gal 16 spring? 76 crosby? endless arkansas properties?

As best we can tell by running this through our Courtney Love Translator (which has begun to raise a feeble white flag, and yet we press on), Love's legal troubles inspired her to go on a real estate feedback loop, where she researched the real estate holdings of one Ms. Kelly Ripa. We'll take her word on "16 spring" and the "endless arkansas properties," but a Google search reveals that Ripa does reside at "16 spring" (along with Gawker Media overlord Nick Denton!). We would suggest that Ripa immediately confer with her doorman in case a dessicated singer should show up in flapper rags at 3am, ready to watch True Blood and bash Madonna.

Then, this morning, Love's "Myspace Administrator" posted another blog entry announcing a delay of her upcoming album, which apparently was due to be released online today. The culprits? Ghosts and hip-hop artists!

The Studio that Courtney and her band were using to record had some paranormal technical issues and had to be moved from one studio to another studio right around the holidays due to some technical sound issues that everyone, including Beinhorn who is a master and a genius was not happy with. Courtney and crew could not hear between guitars. Sound and vocal mixings have to be completed still to perfection.
if Courtney had it her way she would have it the studios sound checked first but it was originally use as a hip hop rap studio so the acoustics were all fucked up.

The Artwork is pretty much done..Courtney has 30 million dollars in sponsorships,
from a prominent feminine hygiene/menstrual company and a prominent tequila company ??? and Courtney doesn't even understand that part!

Nor do we, "Courtney Love's Myspace Administrator." Nevertheless, we eagerly anticipate the release of Love's next album, Jose Cuervo Presents: Kotex.

• peta etc whose that girl with the big boobies?/RICO statutes [Myspace]

• Nobody’s Daughter [Myspace]

To be fair, Kidman (made up to look like an insane cross between a pilgrim and the Baroness from The Sound of Music) attempted to be diplomatic about the appearance, but Regis refused to have it, placing the blame for the encounter squarely on Letterman. Careful, Regis — a war with Dave is one that few walk away from as the victor. Just look what happened to John McCain! [Live with Regis and Kelly]

In what is easily the tensest minute of television since the Man in the Members Only Jacket rose from his seat and disappeared into the Haltson's restroom to void his bladder, motormouthed premium-cable Hollywood agent Jeremy Piven faced off this morning against sinewy Regis Philbin sidekick Kelly Ripa in a test of strength. Promising to double the number of push-ups banged out by Ripa, Piven dropped to the floor alongside his foe, ready to prove to the world that he will not be emasculated by ninety pounds of morning show host.

The result will amaze you.

Or not. We're pretty sure you know where this is going.

• Friday: Jeremy Piven [Live With Regis and Kelly]

• Prison Break Star Tries to Explain 'Tea-bagging' to Regis [YouTube via BWE]