Seeing Cruise move on was tough, however: Her pal Lauren Bacall says that Kidman was "unhappy" on the set of 2003's Dogville. "Tom had taken off for Penelope Cruz or some goddamn thing — one of his more ridiculous moves," Bacall says. Taking a slight jab at the actor, she tells Elle, "Tom Cruise is a maniac. I can't understand the way he conducts his life."

Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. Unless you've personally — personally — walked in the size 8 shoes of the United Artists owner, how can you hope to understand the method behind his mania? When Bacall makes her next trip to Spago hiding knee bruises under her Oscar de la Renta sheath, we won't exactly be surprised.

• Nicole Kidman: Tom Has a "More Profound" Love With Katie Holmes [Us]

The 41-year-old Aussie, who gave birth to daughter Sunday Rose in July, said she and six other women [...] became pregnant.

"I never thought that I would get pregnant and give birth to a child, but it happened on this movie," Kidman told The Australian Women's Weekly in an exclusive interview for the magazine's 75th anniversary edition, released Wednesday.

"Seven babies were conceived out of this film and only one was a boy. There is something up there in the Kununurra water because we all went swimming in the waterfalls, so we can call it the fertility waters now."

So begins the long pilgrimage for thousands of baby-ready couples around the world, not to mention the whirring marketing machine at Fox, which this morning called an emergency meeting to plot the November launch ofits Australia tie-in Kununurra Baby2o™: "When Urban sperm aren't enough, head for the Outback." Let's all hope this savvy souvenir performs as well for everybody as Nic's Stolen Placenta Bites™ scored for Moulin Rouge.

• Nicole Kidman credits fertile water with pregnancy [AP]

As we noted a few months ago, Tom decided that the best way to kiss and make up with old pals Victoria and David Beckham was to offer the couple a weekend vacation at his own home. Nothing says "Procreate for the good of Scientology mankind!" like a few sleepless nights spent at an eerie secluded Hubbard boot camp disguised as a celebrity's mansion. And a few years ago, Cruise made a similar misstep by presenting his tiniest pocket spokesperson, Dakota Fanning, with a cell phone for her 11th birthday. Sure, Dakota's parents wouldn't let her use it and her lack of any actual friends made it entirely useless, but the alien-esque Fanning sure loved prancing down the street "pretending" to talk to imaginary contacts!

Though it wasn't exactly freaky or strange, Tom's gift of a Segway to Hollywood's resident Paranoiac J.J. Abrams left the mystery man disturbed (but mysteriously!). As Abrams told the NY Times in a 2006 interview, his favorite movie-star gift is indeed the Segway, but his quote frightens us just a tad: "Tom Cruise gave me one of those two-wheel Segway scooter things. I'm still trying to get him back for that." Um, because it was programmed to scoot directly towards COS headquarters no matter which direction you pointed it? Last and, in a way, least, future fugitive Katie Holmes has had the fortune of receiving more than a few of Tommy's bizarro presents. As a wedding gift, Cruise reportedly gave his new bride a $20 million dollar jet, even though Katie couldn't fly the thing and was pregnant at the time. But by far the most classic gift on the list is Tom's genius idea for Katie's 27th birthday present: a "DVD compendium of every movie he has ever acted in," inscribed with little handwritten notes from Tom on each film. Because nothing says Happy Birthday like a copy of Magnolia with "It's not going to stop. No, it's not going to stop. 'Til you wise up." scrawled on it by Tom himself.

• TOM, KATIE & THE KIDS SEND GIFTS TO BABY SUNDAY [People]

Graduated With Honors: It may have taken them two or twelve attempts, but so far Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Keith Urban appear to be holding steady after their most recent rehab stints. After promptly driving while wearing cokepants two weeks post-Promises last summer, Lindsay's stay at the trendy Le Cirque led her into the loving lesbian arms of Sam Ronson, the nipple-baring cover of NY Magazine, and out of the vapid Living Lohan spotlight. Britney Spears struck out at three different centers early last year only to wind up spending most of her winter strapped to gurneys, but ever since being treated for “bipolar disorder” at UCLA, the comeback queen has gone an entire three months without dropping a single baby or exchanging fishnets with a single bimbo. As for soon-to-be-dad and onesie expert Keith Urban, the former freebaser’s stay in an unknown center months after marrying Nicole Kidman has proven successful so far, though he is approaching his one-year anniversary since Rehab Stay Number 1. But surely the arrival of a bundle of batface joy will keep him on the straight and narrow.

Wild Cards: First-timers Eva Mendes and Kirsten Dunst both tried to mend their respective drug, booze, depression, and “method acting” vices at Le Cirque this year, but only time will tell if Eva’s so-called research will show its Oscar-worthy face on-screen. As for Dunst, AA classes haven’t stopped the onslaught of gossip claiming the shaky star is still wobbling her way around New York and perfecting her drunk faces of yore. And then there’s our favorite alcohol-snorting songstress Amy Winehouse, who’s tried out so many rehab centers we stopped counting long ago. Sometimes sane on the stage, sometimes making out with Pete Doherty, we can’t even look away from her ever-growing beehive long enough to ponder her chances of success.

Newest Students: Last month Steven Tyler checked in to Las Encinas, suggesting even the glamorous druggie rocker crowd hasn’t entirely cleaned up its act despite Mick Jagger’s immortal hips and Keith Richards’ indestructible face, but spending only three weeks in the slammer and blaming the stay on “foot pain” lead us to believe Tyler’s ongoing love affair with rehab centers isn’t quite over yet. Which leads us to Heather and Shawn. As Us reports, Locklear’s mysterious March evening of 911 calls and denials wasn’t as innocent as her rep claimed at the time. Denise Richards’ personal doormat is said to be dealing with “anxiety and depression” at an in-patient facility, while Larry King’s latest trophy of ten years is allegedly headed to rehab for munching on Generation Rx’s candy of choice: painkillers.

[Photo credits: Splash]

• TOO MUCH PAIN [NY Post]
• HEATHER LOCKLEAR IN REHAB FOR ANXIETY, DEPRESSION [Us]

"We got a tie-dyed jumpsuit thing that we really like," he said backstage...When reporters told him it was likely a ‘onesie,’ Urban...looked puzzled and asked, "A what?"

Well now that he’s learned a thing or two about newborn attire, we have a few parenting lessons for Keith ourselves, from singing his baby to sleep (something he’s already proven skilled at!), to the difference between a Diaper Genie and a Drug Dealer:

Now that Keith has the semantics of onesies down, he ought to learn the following necessary new-dad terms as well:
Bugaboo: Though Urban might mistake the term for the feeling he used to get after a long night of inhaling long white lines during which he felt certain that blood-sucking bugs were crawling all over his body. In fact, the Bugaboo is the elite baby stroller of choice among stars.
Lullaby: No doubt, Keith already knows how to croon fans, and his wife, to la la land. But we do suggest he avoid his own hit singles such as "Tonight I Wanna Cry" or "Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me?" Most importantly, should the Kidman-Urbanlet be of the male persuasion, "Stupid Boy" is most certainly not the wisest choice.
Diaper Genie: In the music community, a diaper genie would be an ingenious kind of groupie who could save singers like Fergie when they just gotta go when they gotta go, or maybe Amy Winehouse, who could store her drugs inside a custom Coke Diaper instead of her sweater while performing. But unfortunately for Keith, diaper genies in baby world are simply very smelly machines used to discard used infant undies, or in the case of the Kidman-Urban household, dirty tie-dyed onesies.

[Photo credit: Splash]

• KEITH URBAN 'LEARNING A NEW VOCABULARY': BABY TALK [People]

Though inching your digits inside the shorts of your incredibly hot girlfriend may not be the classiest move, we'd watch a porno starring Enrique and Anna any day. As for Drew and Justin, the more photos and TMZ clips we see of this couple, the more we approve. They're cute. Even when they kiss in cars. Which is usually just plain awkward. And so what if TomKat are nutcases? This classic dip Tom pulled off in Rome early on in their relationship is as romantic as it gets.

Oh dear. The boob-grab from behind? While making eye contact with some other chick off-camera? Sorry Billy Bob, but that whole crass thing you made work with Angelina became instantly uncool the second you dumped her. As for this picture of Britney Spears gleefully grabbing K. Fed's crotch on a balcony for all the paps to see, well, even writing a snarky comment on it might make us physically ill. And just in case you didn't think the idea of kissing Nicole Kidman was horrifying enough, Us has thankfully provided us with proof. Yeah, thanks. A lot.

[Photo credits: INF, Flynet, Bauer-Griffin, BE Images via Us, Wireimage]

• CELEBRITY PDA! [Us]

We do give the placenta hijacker credit for even attending considering just how knocked up she is, but as we vividly recall, Kidman is a vocal star in her own right judging from her kicktastic numbers in Moulin Rouge. Perhaps next time she should don a June Carter-esque printed maternity dress and muster up her chords alongside her hubby.

[Photo Credit: Daily Mail]

• ENJOYING THE SHOW? NICOLE KIDMAN CATCHES 40 WINKS AT HER HUSBAND'S CONCERT [Daily Mail]

Kate Winslet is stepping in to take over the role vacated by Nicole Kidman in The Reader, PEOPLE has exclusively learned.

Sources confirm that, in fact, Winslet was originally offered the role but couldn't commit due to schedule conflicts. Kidman pulled out of the film after announcing her pregnancy.

The arrangement is one of those rare last-minute casting changes that benefits all parties involved, with Kidman given time to focus on her exciting pregnancy, Winslet a meaty part in a sweeping World War II epic, and the filmmakers the chance to work with one of the most celebrated actresses of her generation, who promises to bring entirely new, unhindered-by-temporary-facial-paralysis layers to the role.

• Kate Winslet Taking Over Nicole Kidman's Role [People]