We know Sarah Palin isn't the biggest fan of Vogue, but we think she'd do really well guest-editing her own issue. So we've worked up a sample cover in the style of our Cover Lies feature (in which we expose how little relationship ladymags, like Sarah Palin, have to reality). While the real Vogue bows to the recession with its $300 "Steal" of the Month, Palin could show us how to get a $150,000 wardrobe for free — and how to pick a $700/night hotel, complete with robe and slippers. In lieu of book reviews, she could offer up a bunch of snide remarks about Katie Couric — "the perky one" probably can't read anyway. And for balance, Palin could add some media elite contributors, like Trig-birther Andrew Sullivan and Rebecca Johnson. (Johnson works for the fake America but the real Vogue, and says all Palin wanted to talk about in her much-maligned interview was "drilling for oil" — but what else is there, anyway?) In fact, right after a Jeffrey Steingarten piece on moose-meat, Going Vogue should include a free sample of premium Alaska crude. We hear it gets rid of both wrinkles and endangered wildlife.

Fact Check: Palin's Book Goes Rogue On Some Facts [AP, via Yahoo News]
Palin's Katie Couric Myths [Daily Beast]
Palin's Ego Trip [Daily Beast]

Cruise showed up to the roast, and they just hugged it out — literally!

A Photoshopped montage of fake Lauer/Cruise buddy pics followed their embrace. Cruise joked that he and Lauer actually speak 3-4 times a day, and that Lauer gave him some great advice: "Hey Top Gun — you think when people come on my show, they don't want to hear about dopy movies?"

In a hilarious tweak of Scientology, Cruise was cut off when Lauer's Today Show partner in crime Al Roker came on stage and joked that Cruise couldn't stay long because "the spaceship is about to leave soon."

Sadly, their weak sauce banter was no match for the acerbic Katie Couric lines that followed:

*"Wow, I haven't received as much applause since I told [my bosses at CBS] that I was considering leaving."

"How cool was it that Tom Cruise came? Matt, don't worry about that interview. Tom wanted to be the only man in the room who people thought was gay."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Katie, for a Suppressive Person, you sure can manage some zingers! Just don't be surprised when you get the obligatory letter from Bert Fields, and remember: you, too, can be kneecapped.

• Live from the Matt Lauer Friars Club Roast, Hosted by Goumba Johnny! [KTU]

On the off chance this weekend's SNL features a spoof of tonight's vice presidential slugfest, I can tell you who will be playing PBS moderator Gwen Ifill: Queen Latifah. A well-placed source confirms to me exclusively that SNL has gone ahead and secured Latifah's services for Saturday's show. The insider cautions, however, that the debate sketch isn't 100 percent locked — and a final decision might not come down until Saturday. There's also no official word as to whether Tina Fey would be back as Palin.

With Palin herself now appropriating Fey touches like goofy, stalling winks, one would hope Fey would return to cap off what may be a trilogy of SNL appearances spoofing the candidate. Again, though, we have to ask: can't SNL just add a black comedienne to its cast? The show has been on for thirty-six seasons and has only managed to add a handful of black women to its roster of performers. To quote from the parlance of our times, is that change we can believe in, or is it more of the same?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Casting Scoops: 'SNL,' 'Grey's,' 'Housewives,' 'Damages,' 'Old Christine,' and More! [EW]

"While Elisabeth [Hasselbeck] has a great relationship with Fox News, there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that she is leaving The View," her agent said in a statement on Thursday. "Elisabeth is passionate in her beliefs and enjoys being a part of this dynamic group of women and engaging in daily conversations."

The show's Executive Publicity Director added: "Barbara Walters and Bill Geddie, executive producers of The View, consider Elisabeth to be vital to the program."

Coincidentally, so do Defamer traffic figures! In all seriousness, there isn't a surfeit of female, Hollywood Republicans to replace Hasselbeck with (unless producers plan to make entreaties to Gail O'Grady or Patricia Heaton) and the full head of steam she's been working up has made the show as relevant as its ever been. You can stay for now, Elizabeth. But no hugs.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Elisabeth Hasselbeck Denies She Is Leaving The View [Us]

After Joy Behar ran clips of Palin's two biggest gaffes during her recent Katie Couric interview — Palin's inability to name a Supreme Court case she disagreed with or a single newspaper she read — Hasselbeck attempted to defend the vice presidential candidate, then complained that her cohosts spend too much time talking about Sarah Palin and not enough time talking about Barack Obama. Meanwhile, Joe Biden silently weeped at his exclusion, muttering, "What about meeee? I was on SNL once, too!"

• The View [ABC]

The sketch, after the jump:

Several CBS News executives - who asked not to be identified - said that the stunt did not go down well within the news division.

"If we had done something like that to him, someone around here would end up getting fired," one said.

News officials found out Letterman was using the internal feed shortly after it showed up on an internal CBS feed carrying the "Late Show" taping.

"They were pretty aggravated," a CBS News source told The Post.

"But they were not about to start a fight with Letterman," the source said. "We're in the middle of a heavy, heavy news cycle and Letterman is Letterman.

"He does whatever he wants and always has."

At least McCain's team will always have the hospitable Tonight Show with Jay Leno as a safe haven — though only until next year! New host Conan O'Brien may seem inoffensive enough, but we hear that NBC already has their censor button ready...

• MAD ABOUT LETTERMAN [NY Post]

The YouTube is nine minutes long, so here are the relevant parts:

:01 - 3:27: Letterman takes fairly tame shots at McCain mixed with genuine praise for the man's heroism.

3:27 - 6:34: Dave starts getting testy!

6:35 - 9:11: Fill-in guest Keith Olbermann (haha, amazing choice) is interrupted when Letterman finds out about McCain's Couric interview, conducted at that very moment down the street. Letterman then plays live footage of McCain getting powdered by a makeup assistant before Couric goes on the air.

Should this leak be taken down, we'll be back with our own clips tomorrow. Enjoy!

Dave even cut over to the live video of the interview, and said, "Hey Senator, can I give you a ride home?"

Earlier in the show, Dave kept saying, "You don't suspend your campaign. This doesn't smell right. This isn't the way a tested hero behaves." And he joked: "I think someone's putting something in his metamucil."

"He can't run the campaign because the economy is cratering? Fine, put in your second string quarterback, Sarah Palin. Where is she?"

"What are you going to do if you're elected and things get tough? Suspend being president? We've got a guy like that now!"

Senator McCain, you can tweak Barack Obama all you want, but nobody messes with Dave. A man exempt from "527 group" special interest laws, the Late Show host has a big microphone, and he's not afraid to flick a candidate into the background skyline like a note card gone wrong.

• 
  EXCLUSIVE: LETTERMAN MOCKS MCCAIN CANCELLATION [Drudge Report]

Meanwhile, paparazzi parked outside CBS's New York headquarters captured quite the moment: Katie Couric leaving work, being told that A-Rod was dining across the street. Pan to A-Rod, who gestures for her to come over. Ick! A tawdry scoop! She'll pass. There's 40 pages of Eye On America paperwork that needs to be filled out before she can even begin to ask him about the connection between red string bracelets and batting averages.

• Tonight on CBS: Not A-Rod [TMZ]
• MADGE EATING UP A-ROD BUZZ [NY Post]

The Journal cited anonymous network executives and sources close to Couric in its report. An CBS spokeswoman denied "plans for any changes regarding Katie," and a spokeswoman for Couric issued a statement that didn't address the matter.

Couric may end up replacing Larry King on CNN, the newspaper speculated:

One possible new job for the Ms. Couric: succeeding Larry King at CNN. Mr. King, who is 74 years old, has a contract with the network into 2009. CNN President Jon Klein, a CBS veteran with close ties to some at the network, has expressed admiration for Ms. Couric's work, and the two are friends. They had lunch in late January, and the anchor attended Mr. Klein's birthday party in March. Time Warner Inc.'s CNN said, "Larry King is a great talent who consistently delivers the highest profile guests, and we have no plans to make a change." Through a publicist, Mr. King declined to comment.

Mr. King's talk-show slot at CNN might be a better fit than evening-newscast anchor for Ms. Couric, who is 51. She made her reputation as a skilled interviewer when she was an anchor at the "Today" show on General Electric Co.'s NBC network.

Ratings for the Evening News have remained mired in third place for the 18 months of Couric's tenure. In fact, after an initial spike, Couric, once known as "America's Sweetheart," has never exceeded the ratings of her predecessor Bob Schieffer, the sort of conventional anchor she was supposed to zoom right past.

[WSJ]

In the Sheraton's ballroom, the Napoleonic head of CNN, Jonathan Klein, was wearing a tux and chatting with some other old white dude. Bob Schieffer of CBS chatted with Ted Koppel, who was to receive a lifetime achievement award. An unusually and quite frankly scarily tan Mike Wallace spryly circulated from small circle to small circle. We looked for Wolf Blitzer and Brian Williams—they were both "working."

We were sitting at the press table. Because the press talk so much, we heard that it was probably someone from the Business desk that started yesterday's Times fire: "The fire was on the second floor. That's where business is. And Science and Escapes and Sports!"

Matea Gold from the LA Times was there in a smart pearl necklace. She sported a slim ivory shiny digital recorder and didn't eat dessert (chocolate mousse in a chocolate cup). Across the table, looking like a fairy godmother (because she is), was TV Week's Michelle Greppi. Onstage, Tim Russert was giving this "Lock arms, brothers and sisters" speech. He then introduced Dan Rather as "soon to be the star of his own reality TV show on Court TV with Les Moonves." So true!

Dan Rather's most notable quotable: "News matters."

We were right next to a huge television screen that flashed clips of Frontline documentaries (the series was honored) and other news reports—lots of footage of dead and dying people. How is one supposed to enjoy an already rubbery steak while having to watch Marines dying or starving Darfurians?

That said, PBS programs , which swept the awards, are totes replacing "The OC" seasons 1-4 on my Netflix queue.

Then Mike Wallace won an Emmy for his interview with Iran's President Ahmadinejad and took to the stage. He put the Emmy on the ground and rambled on for about 15 minutes, speaking almost exclusively in haiku. "Me. You. This Room/Ahmadinejad./We didn't know."

Huh? What now? Soon enough he was replaced by Soledad O'Brien. She looks and speaks like a Sarah Silverman caricature of herself, drawing out the ends of words like a rabbi.

It was surely time for more white wine. But when I asked for another, the old waiter asked whether I'd like to open a tab.