1.) David Cassidy Is A Creep

2.) Drunk Babies

3.) Drunk Housewife

4.) How Can Someone Sound Sage and Delusional at the Same Time?

I could listen to her all day long.

5.) Kathie Lee Gifford and Kim Jenner Are BFF
And they have Wendy Williams' approval.

6.) Hoarders
It's good.


Spiritually good.

7.) Brad from The Rachel Zoe Project

8.) White Rappers

9.) Wedlock or Deadlock
Strangely, this is real.

10.) Language Barrier
Miss Universe 2009—who was crowned on Sunday after saying that women no longer have "barriers"—is learning English.

1.) Moms and Their Boxed Wine
After staging an intervention for her son, this woman's family then staged one for her over her Xanax addiction. She didn't want to go to rehab because of the its strict no-alcohol policy.

2.) Does Joan Rivers realize that perhaps she's gone too far with the cosmetic procedures?

3.) Did you like the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion shows?

But it sucks that they never revealed what exactly Danielle "tried" to do to Dina that Caroline was freaking out about. From the way Caroline told it, Danielle took a hit out on her. But that doesn't seem realistic. Danielle sort of hinted at what it might on her blog:

I had no idea at the time what "disgraceful" acts she was referring to. I only found out later what she was talking about, from someone in her own family. I simply gave a phone number to her ex brother-in-law to contact proper people with questions that he had concerning something that was absolutely none of my business. I was asked to give this information to him.

4.) Cop Without a Badge Guy Talks
Danielle's ex-husband, Kevin Maher, who gave up all the dirt on her in "The Book" was on The Insider talking about how Danielle is "a bisexual." She didn't really deny it though.

5.) Promise Piercings
Kids are expressing their love for each other in new and different ways, like piercings…

…And emails.

6.) More Kid Stuff
NYC Prep was alright, but not great, IMO. But I did really like this girl, who is friends with one of the cast members, but not part of the cast herself. She's down town/to earth.

She seems tipsy.

And I love the way she communicates.

7.) Snoop's Statement On Michael Jackson

8.) Snoop Getting Off The Phone




9.) Larry King And "My daddy, P. Daddy"

10.) Reading: With Kathie Lee & Hoda

1.) "Have you seen Latoya?" has never sounded so creepy, or incriminating.

2.) Paula Deen visited the Today show, refused to leave, spread her legs, and grabbed two fistfuls of her vagina. The clip is rather long, but worth every second.

3.) The Real Housewives of New Jersey appeared on The View on Friday. Jacqueline, who discussed her difficulty with fertility on the show this past week, is now pregnant, and due June 11.



Unfortunately my two faves, Danielle and Teresa were not present. Teresa, it turns out, is also with child.

4.) Are your kittens still alive?

5.) More traumatizing than dead kittens: Judge Judy has never been a feminist.



But the thing is, her definition of why she's not a feminist is actually very feminist. So, like Mormon people who baptize the dead, I will anoint Judge Judy as a feminist, and get on with my life already.

6.) Oh, and if you ever need to read her mind, just read the captions on Larry King Live.

7.) Technology is destroying families, and making fathers sad.

8.) George Hamilton gave Bridget a lesson on the cultural history of Miami. Then they bonded about tanning.

9.) Sometimes I feel exactly like this:

10.) UGH! Maya Angelou, don't give her any ideas!

Gaelic, elevator-scoring superstar Enya stopped by the increasingly unhinged fourth hour of the Today Show (we picture Matt Lauer tossing his apres-taping screwdriver at the screen in disgust every morning in the back of his limo), providing a perfect opportunity for Gifford to share her observations about this magical, lute-playing people culled throughout her travels on the Emerald Isle. ("You all look like and speak like people-sized leprechauns! I love that you force your children to learn how to play an instrument because you're all poor. The skin—is that genetic or is there some Irish moisturizer I should know about?") She then attempts harmonizing on "Silent Night," providing an ear-raping accompaniment to the holiday classic so awful, all any of us could do was pray that Hoda Kotb would end the nightmare by crashing a poinsettia pot over her co-host's head. [Today]

• 'The Today Show' [NBC]

• 'Fox and Friends' [Fox News]

Today's hour provided so many awesome grumpy Kathie Lee moments, we were inspired to compile them into one misanthropic montage—edited by our video intern Daniel Caron. Within the span of one hour, she implies that the show is going to suck, complains about having to be PC about the holidays, suggests her husband is deaf, catches Cheyenne Jackson calling her a bitch, and makes a reference to "drying out" that suggests alcoholism or something much more gross. This is so awesome. We're firmly Team Kathie Lee. [Today]

• Today [NBC]

“Every time that fourth hour comes on, I can literally feel my body temperature rising,” said Gina Maria Croci, a 47-year-old Las Vegas schoolteacher and “Today” show viewer, in a telephone interview. “The way she always talks over poor Hoda and the guests and is just constantly talking about herself.”

“I’m getting angry just talking about it,” she said.

...So far, Mrs. Gifford is the only TV personality who has compelled Leah Ackerman, a 33-year-old police officer trainee in Alameda, Calif., to set up a user group on Facebook.com. Although her group, “I Hate Kathy Lee Gifford,” has attracted only four members (“I just did it for me and my friends,” she said by phone), it is one of at least three groups on the site dedicated to denouncing Mrs. Gifford.

Leave it to the New York Times to interview the woman behind the least interesting Kathy Lee [sic] group on Facebook — why no quotes from Elena or Alaina from "Pagans Against Today Show Kathy Lee Gifford's Pagan Slander"? What does a Pagan have to do around here to get a Gray Lady interview and an apologetic My Name is Earl box set sent from NBC?

[Photo credit: AP]

• Forthright or Clueless? Kathie Lee Draws Fire [New York Times]

Kathie Lee re-emerged, bony and tight-faced, on NBC's Today Show yesterday. And what a premiere it was! Appearing on the much unneeded fourth hour of the "news" program, Kathie Lee beamed with pride, even as her co-host Hoda Kotb constantly ignored her and cut her off. But it was Harvey Fierstein who brought tears to her eyes, as Kathie Lee was serenaded by the frog-voiced actor. Standing a foot away from him, Kathie Lee leaned in and stared as if she was about to kiss the man of her dreams. (She even repeated this creepy act on today's episode, culminating in a mouth kiss with Gilbert Gottfried.) We can't wait to see what unattractive actor who sounds like a gravel truck she can seduce on Day 3!

In today's episode: Al Pacino; Matthew Perry; Val Kilmer; John Krasinski; Vince Vaughn; Spencer Pratt; Heidi Montag; Chris Evans; Simon Rex; Kathie Lee Gifford; Stephen Cojocaru; Dee Snider; Danni Minogue; Mel C.; Randall Kleiser

Wednesday (4/2) Polo Lounge lunch: Al Pacino, in a group of older, possibly producer/artiste-types getting shitfaced.

3/31: At the Fox and Hounds pub in Studio City when who should walk in to sit at a nearby table but Mr. Chandler Bing himself, Matthew Perry. He proceeded to sit at a table surrounded by 4 or 5 girls dressed more for a night of clubbing than for trivia, but I guess someone knew their stuff because their team came in second overall. Matt got up for the joke round and proceeded to tell a tale involving elephant penises (was too drunk to remember the actual joke).

Val Kilmer was on my Virgin America flight from JFK to LAX yesterday (4/1) with his two kids. He's looking hot again, with some highlights and less weight than those unflattering photos of him from last summer. He kept walking up and down the aisles, presumably so people would notice him.

Last night (4/2) at LAX John Krasinski cut in line like he's some entitled uber-celebrity and not just 'that jim guy from the office who couldn't pick a decent movie script if his life depended on it'. Old people were in that line, including my nanna and poppa, and that's never okay. He had a tall chick in tow.

I just got home from watching 21 at the Arclight in Hollywood (04/03 at 10:30pm). Vince Vaughn was walking out in front of us. He looked happy, smiling, and well fed. He was with another guy who could have been a foot shorter than Vince and looked like George Costanza.

4/4: I was just stuck in traffic driving down sunset and a dirty black bmw pulls up next to me. a guy with dirty blonde hair is driving so i look over to see if he's cute or not and OH MY GOD it's spencer pratt. dear lord, why?!? he leans forward and heidi is sitting there in the car with him.

4/2: Chris Evans and Simon Rex at Stone Rose - Evans is hot in a fratty way, but still shorter than you'd expect (I remain shocked by the height challenges of Hollywood stars), kept randomly dancing about and running into people. Rex doesn't look nearly as wrecked as you would expect from someone who has gotten down with P. Hilton, but he genuinely dances like he's mentally incapacitated.

Tuesday (4/1) Polo Lounge sighting (admittedly extremely ho-hum) was Kathie Lee Gifford, loudly "look-at-me, I'm actually working again after ten years of humiliation and shame, eat me Katie Couric" singing songs from some album she announced was some kind of teen thing (yeah, the kids just love KTG!).

Cojo at the Beverly Center Macy's on April 2nd in the early afternoon. He was filming some sort of spring fashion segment about the color yellow, in a very loud grating voice.

4/2 PM: Dee Snider eating dinner at SimonLA looking exactly like he looks in every picture you've ever seen of him, chatting with Kerry Simon himself.

4/1: I was roped into going to the Dancing with the Starstaping yesterday at the CBS studios. Sat a few down from Danni Minogue who was there to see her sister sing. Kylie kept looking at her sister throughout the performance. After both songs she would make faces at her poking fun at her own outfit and dance moves. Actually seems like they have good senses of humor about themselves and are close. Other sightings included Mel C.

Runyon Canyon last Saturday afternoon (3/29) with a bunch of friends. We were on the way down and spotted a passel of older gay gentlemen, one of whom was shirtless and quite leathery. Upon closer inspection, the shirtless man turned out to be Randall Kleiser (director of Grease and The Blue Lagoon). The dude must be 60 but he's still fit... just leathery as well.