Pacific Coast News has snapped a picture of Timberlake on the set of The Social Network, the Facebook flick also staring Jesse Eisenberg as co-founder and current CEO Mark Zuckerberg and Andrew Garfield as spurned co-founder Eduardo Saverin. We've put the shot, above, next to a Jan. 2009 Getty picture of real-life Sean Parker. Timberlake's got the the curly hair down; with some highlights and that wardrobe he might pass for the 'N Sync version of himself from the late 1990s. Click to enlarge.

Timberlake picture by Pacific Coast News

• For decades entertainment savants have pondered the question of how to bring art's greatest, almost elemental tale, the Yogi Bear saga, to the screen. Now at last thanks to new technology, they have found a way as a combo live action/CG animated version makes its historic way to the cameras. Naturally Hollywood's biggest stars have been vying for the leading roles, but when the fighting stopped, Dan Aykroyd was the warrior still standing; the former SNL star will voice the great Yogi in his epic search for picnic baskets. Clearly, the role of Boo Boo could go to none other than J Tims, and so it has. Anna Faris will play a previously unknown character described as a "documentary filmmaker." [Variety]

• JJ Abrams is in talks to direct his first TV episode since the 2004 Lost debut. Abrams is considering personally taking the wheel of Undercovers, a spy thriller series he will also Exec Produce. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Disney has made a big bet on 3D, Jim Carrey, Robert Zemeckis and Charles Dickens. The new adaptation of A Christmas Carol comes with a $180 million pricetag, making it the biggest, widest attempt yet to convince audiences that 3D is really so special that they should shell out extra dollars beyond the already wallet-breaking amounts they pay to take the family to a movie. But hey, if it can sorta look like its really snowing in a movie theater, who wouldn't take out a second mortgage to see that? [The Wrap]

• Christmas Carol is expected to win the weekend box office race, with its tracking projecting it to land somewhere between $35 and $45 million. None of the other films opening this weekend, Oscar contenders The Men Who Stared at Goats and Precious, or the alien-horror flic The Fourth Kind, are expected to wind up north of $20 million.

• Moving on from his Ali G stable of characters, Sacha Baron Cohen has formed a production company to develop new material. Four by Two Films has already signed its first deal to shoot Accidentes for Universal, based on the ambulance chasing attorney famed in LA for his side-of-the-bus ads. [Variety]

• With turmoil afoot in the industry, Daily Variety editor Tim Gray forsees a chaotic awards season ahead, thanks to among other factors: changes at the helms of four of the major film companies, the expansion of the Oscar race to ten films, the 3D wild card and a series of previously off the Oscar map companies such as Summit and Magnolia that could become players this year. [Variety]

Justin Timberlake's stalker—surprisingly, not Brittney Spears—one Ms. Karen McNeil, was busted on Timberlake's property last week. When asked to leave, she wouldn't. So Timberlake danced out a restraining order on this psycho, who'd also tried to follow Axl Rose. Which is sad for Justin Timberlake's publicist. So is the fact that, instead of just loving Justin, she's apparently being possessed by witches. Witches? Witches!

In the nonsensical ramblings, Karen states that she has been targeted by "Babylon witches" who seek to cast their "evil" on her.

Babylon witches? WTF? Has Robert Moses State Park really gotten that bad?

But Timberlake isn't the only one. Ryan Seacrest has a creepy leprechaun who thinks he's been made in Seacrest's image, or something. No, but seriously, this guy's scary, and he has a knife, and now Seacrest has a restraining order against him:

Lawyers for Seacrest got the order from a Los Angeles judge on Friday after Chidi Benjamin Uzomah Jr. was detained at the E! Entertainment Television headquarters the same day. Records show the 25-year-old man is already on probation for a previous incident involving Seacrest. Last month, Uzomah pleaded guilty to three misdemeanours, including carrying a switchblade knife as well as assault and battery. That was after he attacked one of Seacrest's bodyguards outside an event.

Who else? Miley Cyrus has had a ghoulish, pervy, 53 year-old stalker. Who just went free today. This was the guy who thought he was getting secret messages from Miley through the television a la Videodrome. Whereas we all hear "this music sucks, listen to something else," this creep hears, well, someone telling him to do creepy things. Which makes him crazy.

So what's there to understand about these people? Why do they think famous people give a shit about them, you know, besides the fact that they're mentally ill? What causes it? If the Stalker button on the top of this page is blatantly evident voyeurism, among other things, what goes beyond it? I'm sure it's still being studied, somewhere. In the mean time, Bret Easton Ellis plans on showing us the answer. Who else? Ellis is adapting a book for TV about Young Hollywood as seen through the eyes of a stalker. Wonder if he did his research on subjects close to him. Then again, considering his definition of "scary," he might be trying to teach us something. The stalked are scarier than the stalker, maybe?

Nah. Despite the fact that Hollywood's full of scary people, the people they spawn and inspire are even scarier.

Celebrities: they're nothing like us.

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

The university has notified students that Facebook movie The Social Network will be filming on campus next week (reproduced below). The scenes will be filmed almost entirely night, in keeping with the work hours of your typical campus computer nerd-slash-startup founder. Johns Hopkins says the filming won't be disruptive, but we're not so sure: The first student to take a picture of Jesse Eisberg as Mark Zuckerberg and upload it to Facebook might just create a black hole of social media meta-ness that will devour us all. Which is why you should send your pictures here, instead.

UPDATE: Bad news, Johns Hopkins students: A university spokesman wrote to let us know that "Justin Timberlake isn't a part of the Harvard-based scenes being shot here. As I understand it, his character comes into play when the story moves to the West Coast." Since Timberlake plays Silicon Valley investor/entrepreneur Sean Parker, that makes total sense. Sorry to get your hopes up. Jesse Eisberg isn't so bad, though!

[via Blackbook]

Citing a quote from Sorkin himself, The Playlist reports the cast includes Armie Hammer from Gossip Girl; model Dakota Johnson (who is Griffith's daughter); Max Minghella of Agora; and male model Josh Pence. This goes beyond lead actors Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Timberlake and Andrew Garfield, who were already confirmed.

A quick look at the cast members, with some thoughts on who some of the new people might be portraying (all pics by Getty Images unless otherwise credited):

UPDATE: We've updated the entires for Hammer, Song and Pence. UPDATE: And Mara.

esse Eisenberg plays founder Mark Zuckerberg. He's got the curly hair and geeky look down well enough.

Justin Timberlake plays early Facebook adviser and Napster co-founder Sean Parker. (Insert Parker photo by Andrew Mager on Flickr.)

Andrew Garfield plays spurned co-founder Eduardo Saverin.

Brenda Song, of the Disney Channel, would appear to be a shoo-in to play Zuckerberg's girlfriend Priscilla Chan. UPDATE: One tipster tells us Chan does not appear in the script but that Saverin is supposed to have an Asian girlfriend, so perhaps Song is taking on that role.

Whomever model Josh Pence is playing, he's definitely not part of the Silicon Valley tech scene. How about the Winklevoss twins, two Olympic rowers from Harvard who accused Zuckerberg of stealing their idea for Facebook? UPDATE: That part is being played by Armie Hammer (see here). Perhaps Pence could be another Harvard kid?That would seem to work. Pic via Nous Model Management.

Dakota Johnson looks like the kind of girl you'd hope to meet during a night on the town in San Francisco. And Zuckerberg did escort that Victoria's Secret model away from a party there — at least according to author Ben Mezrich.

<pRooney Mara (The Winning Season) looks so downright nice. Zuckerberg's geek girl friend at Harvard, maybe? UPDATE: A tipster suggested Zuckerberg's sister Randi. Good call.Send us your guess.

Max Minghella — no idea who he might play. Thoughts?

Armie Hammer from Gossip Girl. UPDATE: He is playing the Winklevoss twins, Olympic rowers who sued Zuckerberg for stealing their idea for Facebook, according to a tweet from director Richard Kelly. Pic via

Life & Style
"Slim Down Super Fast."
Did you know that if you dance all day instead of working at a desk, you can lose weight? Kelly Osbourne says now that she's on Dancing With The Stars: "I do five hours of rehearsals a day — sometimes even six." Debi Mazar says: "I've lost 11 pounds, and I've noticed my body toning in weird areas — my bra bulge is gone." This six-page extravaganza of peeps who lost weight dancing includes Mya — who was "soft" but is now "toned"; Kathy Ireland, who was "full-figured" but is now "foxy" and model Joanna Krupa, who was "thin" and is now "athletic." Moving on: In a poll titled "Who'd You Want To Be Frisked By?" Jon Hamm wins with 42%! (See image 7). The "cutest Jolie-Pitt pics ever" involve Shiloh buying snacks and making faces. "Perpetually single" Jennifer Aniston found herself in a "sticky situation" because Brad Pitt, John Mayer and Gerard Butler were ALL in New York City AT THE SAME TIME. Imagine that: Being on the same island with all of your exes! And 1.4 million other people! According to handy map provided, John Mayer was downtown in his apartment; Brad was uptown at the Essex House and Gerard ate at a restaurant in Tribeca. DRAMZ. Lastly: "Real" "Housewife" Kim Zolciak would like for America to know that she has never been a stripper: "I'm honest about the fact that I'm dating a married man," she says. "If I'd been a stripper, why wouldn't I tell you?" About her hair, she says: "I have great hair. It's shoulder-length, and it's the same color as most of my wigs. I have naturally black hair, but I bleach it."
Grade: F (runaway bride/missing groom)

In Touch
"I'm Going To Be A Mom."
What she means is: Someday. Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey granted the mag an interview, and when asked if they want a family, she said: "Definitely." He said: "It's at the forefront of our minds. We're very close, but we want to enjoy our first year together." Nick also says that they'd like two kids but "we want to make sure we're ready when the time comes." Mariah has been staying fit by jumping on a trampoline, but she says she wouldn't mind gaining baby weight. "I'd be fine with it," she claims. Oh, and they ask her about turning 40: "Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long." She goes on to explain that she thought she'd die young, like Marilyn Monroe. Oh, Nick says of Eminem: "I don't respect him as a man… He and I need to have an old-school sit down." Moving on: Alongside blurry pictures of the Kardashian wedding, there's news that Lamar Odom's ex, Liza, was so upset about the nuptials that she tossed out thousands of dollars of his possessions from the NY apartment they had shared with their two kids. His kids did not attend the wedding. Neither did Khloe's stepbrother, Brody Jenner, whose girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, is suing Joe Francis, who is BFF with the groom. Next: Jon Gosselin's lawyer spoke to the mag about why Jon delayed the divorce and the guy says: "A divorce, especially for a woman with 8 children, is a very very traumatic thing. But as the mother of his children, [Jon] doesn't want her to have a nervous breakdown." To "win" fans back, Jon and Kate may appear together on Oprah, where they can iron out their differences on national TV. Oh, and a source says Hailey Glassman's parents want her to stay away from Jon. Next: Brad Pitt and Angelina are "purposely" being seen apart in public so that IF they decide to separate, it will come as less of a shock. "They plan to play up the fact that they never really defined their relationship in traditional terms," says a "friend." "They will say when they met, they were on the same page about having children, but neither wanted a life-long partner." Um, okay. He went alone to the Clinton Global Initiative not because she was home with the kids, but because he was making a point about being seen alone. Says a source. Also inside: Britney Spears has reunited with Jason Trawick; they went to a candy store with her kids. He is still her agent, he just can't be in a high-profile relationship right now, an insider says. Lastly: This mag calls out Us magazine for printing a cover story about Jessica Simpson spiraling out of control and finding solace in booze after the disappearance of her dog, Daisy. A friend says: "Of course she's sad about Daisy… but it's so blown out of proportion. She's not drinking excessively."
Grade: D (shitty wedding DJ)

Ok!
"My Dream Wedding."
Khloe sold her wedding snaps to Ok!, and they printed 13 pages of Kardashian pictures and info. How anyone could possibly care is a mystery. Margaret says the most notable thing about the story is that the ceremony was done so quickly that all of the bridesmaids' dresses don't fit properly, and the groom's pants need hemming. (See image 8 and image 9). Kim, whose dress is totally straining and pulling, says: "I was freaking out because I had mine tailored really tight. There was some crazy working out and taking Quick Trim to try and get in shape." Vera Wang is a friend of the Kardashians, and custom-made the bride's dress. Khloe says: "If Vera didn't think our marriage would last, she wouldn't have done it." Next week: Reception photos! Moving on: A source says Brad told Angie that if she got up to 115 pounds by November, he'd "move forward" with child number 7. The story reads: "Angie's been noshing on crepes, omelets. pasta and garlic bread, all prepared lovingly by her partner." A source says: "It's not like Brad's force-feeding her. But he's trying to steer her in the right direction." Kevin Federline wants to lose weight before he joins Celebrity Fit Club. Apparently he blames stress from his unstable custody situation and "Jamie Spears' spicy grilled meats" for his heavy physique. Lastly: Jennifer Aniston had dinner at Monkey Bar in NYC; John Mayer had dinner at Gemma — but pals say he wanted to be sharing a table for two with Jen. "He's been trying to get back into her life," says a friend. "He begged Jen to let him join her on her upcoming trip to Cabo."
Grade: D+ (fallen/broken wedding cake)

Us
"it's Over!"
About a month ago, Justin Timberlake told friends "it's over" with Jessica Biel. He's over it; she's too much to deal with. Except they're always off and on. Anyway, she refuses to accept it, and is pretending nothing's wrong, because "she needs him emotionally and for her career." Says a "pal." But after the VMAs, Justin was "clearly on the hunt." Lindsay Lohan has claimed that she hooked up with Justin several times while he was with Jess, and in June, she Twittered something about him being a cheater. She claimed she'd been hacked, because Justin told his network of people to ban Lindsay and make her life miserable. Apparently when Justin was first getting together with Jess, he visited her on the set of a movie she was making, but wore disguises — beards and hats — so as not to be recognized. JT's cheating rumors include Kate Hudson, Lindsay Lohan and Ciara, though a source says of Lindsay: "Her record of truthfulness is not awesome." The good thing about the "Celebrity Arms Race" is that everybody wins. The bad part? Michelle Obama is a "celebrity." (See image 10). On the "Are They Too Young?" page, we learn that 85% of people think it's okay for a four-year-old to wear a bikini; 48% think a four-year-old is not too young to have a manicure. 76% think Suri is too young to wear heels. (See image 11). Lastly: Raise your hand if you wish you could go inside the Gossip Girl closet!!! (See image 12)
Grade: C- (terrible weather for outdoor ceremony)

Star
"It's On!"
Justin is "pressing" Rihanna to plan another hookup. (They tried to keep their VMA hookup a secret, but Jessica found out within days.) An insider claims: "They like excitement of sneaking around… They got off on keeping it on the down-low." Once, they were alone in the studio late at night working on RiRi's new album, and Justin was joking about strippers — he said she needed to entertain him like that. So Rihanna gave him an impromptu lap dance. "She likes to test the boundaries," says a source. But! RiRi doesn't want to be seen as a boyfriend stealer. She wants it to be publicly out there that JT is single before she commits to him. Anyway, they've been talking and texting, but Rihanna wants to be sure she's not a "lady on the side." Just an FYI on those "exclusive photos": One shows the side of her head and the back of his head; the other shows the back of both of their heads, standing near each other in a crowded club. Not exiting. Moving on: Blind item! "Which singer has rebounded after splitting from his wife by secretly bedding his sexy twenty-something assistant? And no, it's not the one he's been photographed with." Our guess: Usher. Nicole Richie lost 14 pounds in the first seven days after her son Sparrow was born — "and she keeps getting thinner." Wait, are they including the actual infant in those 14 pounds? Anyway: Her secret is "lots of fruit, veggies and fish" and no carbs. The mag says people are "shocked" by her weight. Jennifer Love Hewitt is "scary-skinny." An eyewitness saw her in L.A. and said she looked "frail and drawn" and her face was "achingly thin." Could it be that she's lost her appetite due to love troubles? Lastly: Ashlee Simpson has a crush on her Melrose costar, Colin Egglesfield. They were getting touchy-feely between scenes on September 23 — while Pete Wentz was on tour in Dallas. Ashlee was hugging him and holding his hand and "doing the whole hair flip thing," a spy reveals.
Grade: C (stained bridal gown)

Click "full size" to enlarge.

Ok!
"Pregnant At 40!"
Notice how the words "it's a bump!" appear on the cover, but it doesn't actually say "baby bump," because that might be a lie? And though the main cover line is "Pregnant at 40," below that, the deck insinuates that she's ready to be pregnant at 40. Inside, we learn that Jennifer Aniston went to the premiere of Love Happens and an onlooker says, "Her midsection was definitely more rounded than usual… At one point she was running her hands across her stomach." Later in the article, a source says that if Jennifer's not pregnant now, she will be in the very near future, because she's "set her heart" on getting pregnant before her 41st birthday. Moving on: The magazine "invites" readers to the wedding of Khloe Kardasian and Lamar Odom, but writes: "See next week's issue for the exclusive photos and interview." So it's not really an invitation, is it. Also: The story goes, "While Kourtney is due to give birth to her first child in December, it looks like Khloe will be the first to become a mom." That's because Lamar has two kids. Even though Khloe has known Lamar (and his kids) for less than a month, a source says "She's a great stepmom already."
Grade: [Academic probation continues]

Life & Style
The cover picture is from when Khloe was on Celebrity Apprentice in March. Inside, we learn that Khloe and her mother planned a wedding in 2 weeks, and Khloe and Lamar both lost a parent to cancer. Moving on: Katherine Heigl's new adopted Korean baby has "special needs," but we don't know what her special needs are. Next: Will weight gain destroy Renée Zellweger's relationship? She's getting cozy with Bradley Cooper, but now she has to pack on pounds for the Bridget Jones sequel. The mag says: "Now… she has a man she wants to stay in shape for." Next, there are more shots of Jennifer Aniston's tummy, and her hand on her tummy (See image 7). Margaret thinks it is a conspiracy, cooked up by Jen herself, to get people talking. In The Baster, Jen plays a woman who opts for artificial insemination to have a baby; when asked if that's in the cards for her, Jen said: "I'm ready for anything — bring it on!" So the magazine presents a sidebar called "Who Will She Ask?" Meaning: For sperm. The nominees are Gerard Butler, Jen's hairstylist, and John Mayer. Lastly: There are cliques on the set of the Twilight flick! Kellan Lutz, who plays vampire Emmet Cullen, says: "All of the humans usually stick together. And all the wolves do. And the vampires. We try to mix it up, but it's just something that happens."
Grade: D- ("I'm Lovin' It")

In Touch
"Brad's Moving Out."
This entire story is based on Brad flying to Spain for the San Sebastian International Film Festival. It only lasts a week, but the mag says "Brad has been living out of a suitcase for more than a week." Angie supposedly kicked him out if the house and said this time it's for good, because he didn't want to go with her to Ethiopia. He's been looking at apartments in Paris… which is 500 miles away from where his kids live, Chateau Mirval. Jessica Simpson "can't handle" another loss. A concerned friend says she's not eating or sleeping and is "barely functioning" since Daisy disappeared. The friend adds: "It's the worst thing that ever happened to her." The mag continues: "Jessica's pooch has been loyal to her in a way that no man has ever been." Next: "Is Jon A Sex Addict? His Women Speak Out." Jon Gosselin's rep says he's "flattered" that women claim to have been with him, but he's only been with one woman: Hailey. Stephanie Santoro says Jon is not shy about picking up strangers: If his friends spot a good-looking girl, he asks them for a picture of their breasts. Dr. Judy Kuransky, who does not treat Jon, thinks he is a sex addict. A friend of Kate Gosselin's says Jon has turned into a male slut. Someone else says that Stephanie and Jon had sex in the basement of Jon's house while a friend watched, and it was Jon's idea. Kate Major says one time her father called her while she was with Jon and Jon said, "Did you tell your dad he's going to be a stepgrandfather to 8 kids?" Moving along: The real reason Avril Lavigne is separating from Deryck Whibley? She's having a relationship with Brandon Davis. Last year Deryck texted Brandon: Stay away from my wife. But recently, Brandon gave Avril an ultimatum; he likes her but doesn't want to date a married woman. Then there's a six page thing called "Celebrity Weight Debate: How Thin Is Too Thin?" 100% of readers think Posh is "scary skinny." 71% of readers think Lindsay looks "unhealthy." And so on. Finally: Friends want Kanye West to go to rehab. A group of his pals confronted him in an "informal intervention" because he was chugging Hennessy on the red carpet before the MTV Awards. "They fear he's going to destroy his career if he continues to act like a fool." The only source in this story is an employee at a hotel in Hawaii where Kanye has stayed, who says: "He hangs out at the Veranda bar and drinks expensive liquor." And who wouldn't? There's a sidebar about how much he's changed since his mother died — now he hangs with a "wild crowd" which includes — gasp! — Amber Rose, who "used to be a stripper, has posed nude and has dated women, too."
Grade: C, downgraded to D for ridiculous cover story ("Like I Love You")

Us
"Heartbreak And A New Tragedy."
Since Daisy's disappearance, Jessica Simpson has been distraught. A witness saw Jess at a birthday dinner on September 19 and says: "She looked really down and didn't eat much." The mag adds: "Drinking wine and sangria was not a problem, especially when the music of her ex-boyfriend, John Mayer, started blasting throughout the Italian wine bar." A source says: "Daisy was her baby. She's devastated… She isn't sleeping, barely eating, and is crying her eyes out. She feels like she's being punished for something. Jessica is very spiritual and relates things back to God." Next: Emmy Rossum, 23, is dating Adam Duritz, 45. He Tweeted: "She's the coolest chick I've ever met." We bet! In Brad and Angelina news: Even though there were tabloid reports that the twins, Knox and Vivienne, had health issues, which is why they were never seen, a source says "They're perfectly healthy." There are four pages of Kourtney Kardashian explaining why she's with her ex, who sperminated her, in "Why I Took Scott Back." When asked what do you love about Kourtney? Scott replied: "I think she's gorgeous. I think her body's perfect. And there is no one in the world I care more about making happy." Translation: She's hot and I knocked her up. Chynna Phillips, whose half sister Mackenzie has just dropped the bomb that she had sex with their father, says: "After long nights of heroin use, she's claiming that she once woke up and that my father was on top of her having sex with her. Was he actually raping her? I don't know. Do I believe that they had an incestuous relationship and it went on for 10 years? Yes." Also inside, in Gosselin news, a source says that Judy, the kids' main nanny, might as well be their mother: "She spends more time with them than anyone." Lastly: Dustin Diamond's tell-all spills juicy secrets about the Saved By The Bell cast: Mark-Paul Gosselaar took steroids; castmembers hooked up after the cameras stopped rolling; Mario Lopez was once investigated for date rape.
Grade: D+ ("Señorita")

Star
"Reliving Their Nightmare"
John Travolta is going to be called as a witness in his extortion case in the Bahamas, which will make him "relive his nightmare." A friend says: "It's like Jett is dying all over again." Angie and Brad have had "their biggest blow up ever!" When Angie was in Ethiopia with Shiloh and Zahara, she met an Ethiopian girl in an orphanage she wanted to adopt — even her daughters met this girl and hugged her as they were leaving. Brad doesn't want to adopt again so soon, and he accused Angie of being "like a kid in the pet store, wanting all the cute puppies." She screamed at him that these weren't dogs — these were children. The mag claims that Angie's already started the paperwork and things are going forward. Moving on: Kelis and Nas are back together! They reunited after spending quality time with their 2-month-old son and had a long talk about making it work. Next: Pamela Anderson is a "dead beat diva." She's had a number of liens filed against her, totally more than $1.2 million. She hired a bunch of contractors to work on her house in Malibu and is now refusing to pay. You know how David Hasslehoff went to the hospital last week? The mag claims it was from alcohol poisoning. His daughter Hayley found him half-conscious; but he denies that he was drunk and says his ear medication mixed with his anti-alcoholic drugs caused the problem. Still: Hayley rolled her eyes when she heard that excuse and he allegedly had alcohol on his breath and a glass of vodka near him when she found him. A surgeon who does not treat Courtney Love says "she's definitely had work on her eyes, cheeks, chin and lips." Duh! (See image 6). Robert Pattinson is "tired of his sex symbol image," so he stuck a picture of himself on a dartboard in his trailer. He takes shot at it, and asks everyone else to do the same. And! Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart made out in the dressing room of a store in Toronto — they came out "mussed up and breathing heavily." Blind item! "Which actor refused to take pictures at the premiere of Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs because he thought he was too sweaty? Hyperhidrosis or hyperdiva?" Hailey Glassman got a boob job! Another magazine said she had surgery for a cyst in her leg; but this mag says she got the "lollipop lift" that makes one breast smaller and lifts them both. A "friend" says Hailey confided: "I feel like I need to compete with all the other perfect girls going after Jon." Hailey would also like to straighten her hair and get "whiter, bigger" teeth. Jon will get lipo on his pot belly. Finally: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are experiencing "trouble in paradise." Justin went to an MTV VMA afterparty where Rihanna sat on his lap and they grinded; then he freaked when someone took a picture. A source says of Justin and Rihanna: "He's been sweating her for a long time… Rihanna thinks he's hot and would definitely date him." Justin and Jess were spotted walking their dogs on September 16 but weren't holding hands or speaking to each other and Jess looked miserable. A few days later, Justin went to the Emmys alone, and flirted with Olivia Wilde.
Grade: C- ("SexyBack")

• Everyone loves Neil Patrick Harris. And how could they not? He came out singing cabaret and danced away with our undying love. Not that he didn't have it before. After this evening's turn as the show's host, we're pretty sure Harris should master the ceremonies of every Hollywood event ever. (By the way, Mediaite has the lyrics from the introductory number. Learn them. Live them. Love them.)
  
  
• Kristin Chenoweth will soon be the hardest working woman in Hollywood. The adorable actress — once known mostly to the Broadway crowd — stole the nation's heart by crying after winning best supporting actress for Pushing Daisies. The show's been canceled and Chenoweth, bless her, reminded the world that she needs a job: "I'm unemployed now, so I'd like to be on Mad Men. I also like The Office and 24."
  
  
• Tina Fey fans are upset that Toni Collette won the "best comedy actress" award for United States of Tara, which we actually enjoy. Well, Jeff Jarvis is upset, at least: the journalist and internet aficionado twittered, "best comedy actress was a crime." But, whatever, because Fey won for her SNL Sarah Palin impersonation.
  
  
• In other-SNL news, Justin Timberlake took home a trophy for his "Dick in a Box" routine. But that was announced last week, so hopefully you knew that.
  
  
• Sure, Fey didn't win, but that doesn't mean the Academy doesn't still love 30 Rock: the incredibly popular show won "best comedy series" and Alec Baldwin walked away with a "best actor" statuette. That's his second, for the record.
  
  
• Speaking of seconds: Mad Men again won "best drama series" and best writing for a drama series. Does this mean the show will continue to be a popular culture darling? Not if you ask Matthew Greenberg from True Slant — he thinks the consecutive win will alienate those who don't already watch it, because they'll think it's elitist.
  
  
• If Greenberg's right, there could also be a backlash against Glenn Close: the Damages star once again won for "best actress" in a drama series.
  
  
• Comedy Central's no doubt pleased with Jon Stewart and the Daily Show crew: they won "best writing" for a comedy, variety, etc series. And, yes, Stewart commended Neil's hosting abilities. He also made a joke about going backstage to watch football, which was competing on another network and became the butt of many tiresome jokes.
  
  
• LA Times writer Tom O'Neil has crowned Bill Maher the biggest Emmy loser in history because Maher, whose show was nominated in the aforementioned variety category, has lost 22 times over the course of his career.
  
  
• Remember how we said Harris should host everything? He may have some competition from Hugh Jackman, who won for original music for his Oscar dance routine.
  
  
• Hey, did you know Sarah McLachlan's still around? And she's still singing "I Will Remember You." While, yes, we should take a moment to recognize the departed — Bea Arthur! — certainly there's a less maudlin, predictable soundtrack.
  
  
• And on that note, here's a list of the winners.

Jesse Eisberg kinda works as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, we guess. But how about Michael Cera, instead? With some hair-curling he'd have the look down, and he could have used the role to break free from the "twee teenaged dork" typecast and into the much more interesting "Asperger-level-antisocial teenaged computer nerd" role.

That's Andrew Garfield, of Boy A, as spurned co-founder Eduardo Saverin.

Got a better casting idea? Post it in the comments.

Hm. Noted crazy Mel Gibson will star in the film The Beaver for noted lesbian Jodie Foster, who will direct and co-star. The film, once thought to be a project for Steve Carell, is about a man who finds comfort in a beaver hand puppet. So it'll be a cheapish quirky indie type affair, although it will star one of the most vociferously strange movie stars of the past twenty years. Could be great! Could be awful. [Variety]

The Green Lantern is nearing the end of its major casting process, mulling over three actors for the lead role of a hotshot Air Force pilot who meets a dying alien and gets deputized into a space police department. (That is an actual plot of a movie. And a comic book!) Warner Brothers is trying to decide between Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds, and Justin Timberlake, of all people, but is apparently having some trouble reconciling their favorite with the director's. So we'll either get a kind of boring Green Lanternt, a wise-cracking kind of annoying Green Lantern, or a singin' dancin' Green Lantern. None of which sound terribly thrilling. [THR]

The Minnie Driver/Uma Thurman comedy Motherhood, which premiered at Sundance this year, has set an October release date. The movie is about a crazed mommy trying to plan a birthday party for her daughter while the crazy city world provides obstacles along the way. Obstacles like Isn't This Basically the Plot of Jingle All the Way and Uma Thurman Is Never Funny. [Variety]

Quirky comedy queen Zooey Deschanel has signed on to play James Franco's love interest in the David Gordon Green comedy Your Highness, about a lazy prince (Danny McBride) who must go on a quest to save his kingdom. Other than the fact that Natalie Portman plays McBride's wildly disproportionate love interest, this film is weird because it looks as though Gordon Green really is going down this broad comedy route. Will we ever get a George Washington, All the Real Girls, or Snow Angels again? [THR]

Nicole Kidman will star in and produce a movie version of the book Little Bee, about a wealthy British couple who has an encounter with a Nigerian orphan while on an African vacation. No word yet on whether Jerry Seinfeld will voice the orphan character. [Variety]

Everwood surly teen Gregory Smith has joined the cast of that Canadian Grey's Anatomy-with-badges police drama Copper that will air on ABC in the States. Treat Williams is wondering if maybe there's a part for a tough-but-principled chief or something. [THR]

Ugh. Shoulda-been-gone-by-now Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder has landed a Comedy Central sitcom. It's about a laid-off IT worker who leaves his urban life to return home to the small town where he grew up. Which has been the idea for basically everything these days. In a nifty little distribution deal, if the sitcom's first batch of episodes do well, an automatic 90 more will be ordered. Yeesh. [Variety]

Encouraged perhaps by his giggles 'n' dick jokes success on Saturday Night Live (but probably not), movie hut Anchor Bay has picked up distribution rights to Justin Timberlake's little indie drama movie in which a son (Timbz) reconciles with his estranged dad (Jeff "BeeBo" Bridges) at his dead mom's behest. It's called The Open Road, and it's about a soul-searching road trip. Yep. It's one of those. [Variety]

Chris Hardwick, so very late of MTV's Singled Out (and current [?] of Attack of the Show), will be hosting a new show called Web Soup on G4, which is done by the people from The Soup, but is about the internet rather than television. So now you can watch a show on TV that is about the internet. Gurgle. [Variety]

Pixar, which holds the keys to a magical otherworld where everything looks like computers but only opens the door and lets us peek in every year or so, is opening up offices in Vancouver. Vancouver is a place in a country called Canada where most movies are filmed, usually movies that only refer vaguely to "a city." Everyone will be mildly happy and then it will rain and somewhere Doug Coupland will start writing a book about animation. [Variety]

Eddie Kay Thomas, the guy who likes to boff old ladies in those American Pie documentaries, has been cast in a show that sounds more horrible than that first glimpse of puckered, withery elderflesh. It's called How to Make It In America. He'll play a rich former nerd who really still wants to be cool (because that's never been done before). It also costars Bryan Greenberg, that unfortunate hunk of high school bologna from Unscripted and the overly scripted Prime. Hell. This show sounds like hell. [THR]

The likable Matthew Goode has landed a role in the Ricky Gervais/Stephen Merchant dramedy about insurance men Cemetery Junction. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be thankful that Goode's not wearing a skintight nipple suit (or will you?). [THR]

Warner Brothers is hoping that Facebook will make more people want to buy Watchmen on DVD. [THR]

Ryan Seacrest and Jamie Oliver are putting together a reality show in which the Naked Chef helps whole towns not be fat. The first town? Couchville, USA. Population: Me. (I hope) [THR]

Antonio Banderas is making another movie no one will ever see. [Variety]

First, the inevitable viral Digital Short that happens when Justin Timberlake hosts: Timeberlake and Andy Samberg reunite for the "Dick In A Box" sequel, "Motherlover." Cameos from perennial MILF's Patricia Clarkson and Susan Sarandon, masterful comedy.

The show cold-opened with Will Forte as Tim Geithner in a relatively highbrow sketch about a banking stress test. Forte's Geithner impersonation wasn't perfect - or close, for that matter - but the jokes were both fairly topical and spot-on.

JT opened the show with the old standby I'm-Always-On-SNL shtick repeat hosts get to pull at some point. Typically, this is the kind of staid, old, boring shit SNL's writers lean on to devote energy towards other material that isn't funny, either. But: pair it with a musical bend and an effortlessly, ridiculously charismatic Timberlake, and it floats.

More cameos and Star Trek topicality on Weekend Update: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, and Leonard Nimoy. Finally, the stars get to slag on the fundamentalist fanboy Trekkies who're trashing the franchise's epic revitalization. Fun: watch Keenan Thompson break character at Nimoy's surprisingly decent comedic chops.

Finally, Jimmy Fallon pops in for another Barry Gibb Talk Show with Timberlake. Slightly meandering at times, but the overall effect of seeing (A) Fallon playing characters again and (B) anything that involves Justin Timberlake singing on the show plays well is a nice reminder of the glory days. It's too bad SNL has to keep dipping into the (fairly recent) past to unearth a quality hour of TV, but we'll take what we can get.

Life & Style
Following her breakup with John Mayer, Jennifer Aniston is prepared to do the unthinkable: Become a single mom. Though the mag is not sure whether she'll conceive naturally, use artificial insemination, or adopt, Aniston obviously has babies on the brain because her new $15 million six-bedroom mansion "has more than enough room for a nursery." Next: Justin Timberlake supposedly ran into Britney's dad Jaime Spears on the golf course and told him he's nervous to ask Jessica Biel to marry him even though she's the one. Jaime told him to "put a ring on her finger," and JT said he's already got one picked out, according to an insider. By the way, Jessica and Justin's new apartment has three bedrooms, which the mag points out is "plenty of room for kids!" Kellan Lutz of Twilight explains Robert Pattinson's "hookup trick": "He lowers his head down and the girls love it!"
Grade: F (Band aid in your burger.)





Ok!
"I Will Never Remarry." The mag writes that Jennifer Aniston has "experienced a stark epiphany: No man can live up to her ex-husband, Brad Pitt." A source says that since "each time she dreams of having a devoted husband, babies, and that white picket fence, she is let down," Jen has resigned herself to a life of love affairs and single motherhood. Also, there's a two page story about how Jen has "found her soulmate" in her dog Norman. Moving on: Jaime Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge are still living together with their baby Maddie, but an insider says JLS has called off their wedding. "Jaime Lynn has everything she wants and feels no need for a ring and a piece of paper," says the source. Also, she likes being a Southern mom and is never going back to Hollywood. Finally, in an interview OK! asks Gavin Rossdale if he and Gwen Stefani are planning to have another baby. "That would seem logical, but then again so would sleep!" says Rossdale, "But, you know the men aren't in control of that stuff."
Grade: D- (Expired hot dogs.)

Us
"He's The One!" This story is pretty much an excuse to print cute pictures of Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal, as there isn't really anything new to report on the engagement front. A Witherspoon insider says, "All of Reese's friends tell her they think he's The One." As for when Jake will pop the question, a pal says, "It's not a matter of if, but when. And when Jake asks, she will definitely say yes." Moving on: An insider says Jennifer Aniston's breakup with John Mayer wasn't mutual. "She would never have paraded him around like that if she didn't think what they had was real. She feels like he played her," says a source. Us has exclusive pictures from Natasha Bedingfield's wedding. Brandy attended the wedding, which was at the same place where Josh Duhamel and Fergie got married (but unlike their wedding, Bedingfield's wasn't fishing themed). Next: Us broke the LeAnn Rimes cheating story last week, and their follow up, "Why She Cheated," just makes it sound even more like a publicity stunt. When LeAnn and her husband Dean Sheremet were "caught" kissing by the paparazzi they were coming out of Whole Foods and had only purchased a banana and a bottle of water. A source says Eddie Cibrian "told his wife that this was a publicity stunt for the Lifetime movie." Finally, Michelle Obama "takes top honors" (if you can call it that) as Us celebrates 2009's best makeovers with 24 pages of filler.
Grade: D (Dieter's delight, a.k.a. cottage cheese on a bed of lettuce.)

In Touch
"The Breakup" Insiders say Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are constantly fighting because she's filming Salt and he's stuck taking care of the kids. "Brad gets tortured by the kids all day. They wrestle him and kick him and constantly harass him," says a source." Supposedly Salt insiders heard her saying during a phone call, "Will you please respect the fact that I am working right now? All you have to do today is watch the kids." Things are so bad Angie has banished Brad to the couch in their four bedroom suite at the Waldorf-Astoria. James Haven is staying with the family in New York and Angie has asked her brother to talk some sense into Brad. The mag dug up pictures of Angie looking uncomfortable with Brad for the requisite "maybe she's more into her brother than her husband" sidebar. (Fig. 1) In Touch asks: Has Tori Spelling taken her diet too far? Spelling's rep says she's the same size she was before giving birth, but the mag thinks her young, super-skinny 90210 co-stars "could be a bad influence." Paris Hilton's new boyfriend Doug Reinhardt says he wants to have a baby with her. "Paris would make a great mom - she's my Angel Princess," says Reinhardt. Nick Lachey and Vanessa innillo had a fight at a L.A. restaurant. Manillo stormed out right after their food was served and Lachey paid the check and had takeout boxes made up before he caught up with her outside. In Touch says plastic surgery has left Daryl Hannah "almost recognizable." Next: The mag is calling out LeAnn Rimes for probably fabricating her affair with co-star Eddie Cibrian. "It's fishy how very obvious she was about this," and insider says. In addition to the TV movie Northern Lights, Rimes has a new song and book coming out next month. "She wants to get back on the A list," says the insider. In an interview, the mag asks Matthew McConaughey if he has any regrets about past relationships now that he's married. He says, "You wouldn't be where you are if you didn't go through all the other things. It's an honor to be at an ex-girlfriend's wedding or to have them over to dinner. There's nothing goofy about that."
Grade: D+ (Week old Red Lobster doggie bag.)

Star
In a continuation of a story Star ran recently about Angelina Jolie catching Brad Pitt comforting their pretty nanny, "Don't Touch Me!" claims Angie's still mad so she's refusing to sleep with Brad. " A source says, "she knows it's torture for Brad, denying him that way. But she wants him to learn a lesson." She refuses to take a daily bath with Brad, which is apparently one of their "sexy traditions" and has banned him out of her bedroom. At least in Star's account, Brad gets his own room at the Waldorf-Astoria, instead of the couch. However, the mag says he's taken to "camping out with the kids in sleeping bags inside little tents in their rooms" at the hotel. Sean Penn and Natalie Portman were spotted making out at a hotel in Hollywood. An eyewitness claims he walked in on them making out behind some curtains on a terrace off the hotel bar. "When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves," he said. The hotel was hosting a party, and the eyewitness says once the room got crowded, Sean and Natalie took an elevator up to the private rooms and didn't come back for 45 minutes. After returning to the party, the two split up. "[Natalie] broke it off when she found out that Sean was still with his wife, Robin Wright Penn," says a source. Sean started flirting with another woman, who said "I don't do that! Your girl's upstairs, and your wife is at home. You're busy." The eyewitness says Sean chuckled and left. Moving on: Guy Ritchie is dating Elle Macpherson. A source says Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are planning a June wedding. Blind item: "Which sweet starlet's apartment smells less than fresh? Neighbors say funny-smelling smoke surrounds her door on her days off. How's that for a bit of gossip?" In a possibly related story, Leighton Meester has asked everyone on her floor in her apartment building not to smoke because the smell comes under her door and she gets a sore throat if she's exposed. In "Starving For Attention" Star is hating on ladies for being too skinny. They suggest Gwyneth Paltrow eat a "big ol' piece of chocolate cake." (Fig. 2) A doctor who didn't treat Natasha Richardson says she probably could have been saved if she had taken her instructor's advice and let paramedics look at her head immediately. "The typical mortality rate from epidural hematoma is relatively low ... It needs to be taken care of right away," said Dr. John Knightly of the Concussion Center at Overlook Hospital in Summit, N.J. The mags all featured pictures of Richardson's grieving family at her funeral, but frankly, we couldn't handle pouring over pictures of her coffin being carried to her grave. In an exclusive, Star wonders why Jaime Lynn Spears and baby Maddie didn't accompany Casey Aldridge to Roosters Mud Jam, "a dirt-caked ATV event in Dehli, La." He and his friends were drinking heavily and there are photos of a blonde holding on to him as he drives his ATV into a muddy river. The woman, Brandin Walker, 25, is a married mother who says she was just innocently hanging out with Casey, and that her husband was at the event. Finally, in a story entitled "Jennifer is Jaime's Taco Belle" we learn that Jaime Kennedy "adores plumping [Jennifer Love Hewitt] up with yummy, calorie-packed eats!" Watch out JLH - it sound like Jaime is planning on eating you!

Grade: C (Soggy tortillas.)

Fig. 1



Fig. 2

• Pregnant rapper M. I. A. did such a good job at the Grammys that Oscars show producers say they're desperate to book the overdue fresh-minted mom to perform "O Saya" from the excellent Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack. "We are happy to bring some sort of fabulous bed on stage if that means M.I.A. can be there." (UPDATE: Oh right, she finally had the kid. Sorry for calling you "twisted," Oscars producers!)
• To protect his reputation, Michael Phelps is hanging out in strip clubs. He figures no one can take his picture there. [Page Six]
• Justin Timberlake didn't literally beat away the models with a stick at Fashion Week, but it sounds like it almost came to that. Apparently it wasn't enough that he was making out furiously with Jessica Biel. Models can be dense. [Gatecrasher]
• Angelina Jolie might move to Manhattan. She was looking at a place in Washington Heights. They might already be remodeling the building for her. [Us]
• Jennifer Aniston might run into Jolie at the Oscars. Scientists have various theories on what will happen in the collision, and warn there's no way of knowing anything for certain in advance of the actual event. Goggles, as always, are recommended for onlookers. [OK!]
• Sarah Jessica Parker thinks the next Sex And The City movie will need to be "recession-friendly." Which sounds so implausible it gives us hope the recession might finally kill off the franchise, forever. [Us]
• MC Hammer finally got his own reality show, focusing on his life as a "new-age dad" in Oakland. A&E picked it up. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Guy Ritchie is pissed because he has to re-shoot various Sherlock Holmes scenes, because he was distracted by his divorce from Madonna. As though we all weren't distracted by his divorce from Madonna. [Sun]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are suddenly not going to the Oscars, for some reason. Maybe so they can get some press when they do go to the Oscars. [OK!]

This morning on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck was all bent out of shape about Phelps' bong hit, giving the tired spiel about how he's a role model and he's setting a bad example, blah blah blah. She went on to claim that since he's willing to use illegal drugs to have a good time, maybe he's open to using illegal drugs to advance his career, as though weed is a gateway drug to steroids or something. Whoopi shot her down pretty quickly, and admitted to enjoying pot.

Elisabeth's argument hinged on the fact that Phelps accepts money to endorse products. One of those is Rosetta Stone, the language-learning software, which is just about one of the most sedentary activities a stoner could enjoy, aside from watching The Wizard of Oz on mute while playing The Dark Side of the Moon. (I should know, since I've been using the program to learn Spanish.) His other sponsors, like Omega and Speedo, totally don't give a shit.

And they shouldn't, because it's silly — in my opinion, anyway — to pass judgment on those who take part in something as innocuous as pot smoking, which many believe is lot less harmful for one's body than alcohol. Besides, despite the fact that it's technically illegal, so many people smoke weed recreationally that it's not all that taboo. Here's a list of celebrities who have either been caught smoking marijuana, or admit willingly to doing so.

Woody Harrelson



Woody is an activist for the legalization of marijuana and hemp.

Willie Nelson



So is Willie Nelson.

Frances McDormand



Frances McDormand was on the cover of High Times in May 2003, in which she said, "I'm a recreational pot-smoker. There has never been enough of a distinction between marijuana and other drugs. It's a human rights issue, a censorship issue, and a choice issue."

Seth Rogen & James Franco



The pair stared in Pineapple Express together, and shared this maybe real/maybe fake joint on stage while presenting an award during the MTV Movie Awards last summer.

Cameron Diaz & Drew Barrymore



Also friends who share.

Justin Timberlake



Timberlake, who used to date Diaz, has been very open about how he smokes weed, sometimes even with is mother. He also admitted that he was stoned out of his mind when he was Punk'd by Ashton Kutcher.

Kimora Lee Simmons



Kimora Lee Simmons took one of the stoniest mugshots after she was arrested in 2004 for possession.

Nicole Richie



Nicole admitted to having smoked pot, as well as taking a Vicodin, when she was arrested for a DUI charge in 2007.

Paris Hilton



Nicole's buddy Paris' reefer madness has been well documented.

Michelle Phillips



Former singer from The Mamas & The Papas said as recently as 2001 that, "Marijuana should definitely be legalized. I think we should let everyone smoke it without fear of being thrown in jail. It's the greatest drug in the world!"

Snoop Dogg



Duh.

Redman



We'll be here all day if we start listing rappers.

Lil Wayne



But we'll mention Wayne for good measure.

Mariah Carey



Mariah is such a goody-two-shoes that she'd never publicly admit to marijuana use, but on her most recent album, she made plenty of weed references.

Charlize Theron



Academy Award winners like their weed, too.

AARP



In the summer of 2005, the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) hosted a smoke-in to promote the legalization of marijuana. Celebrities that participated: Willie Nelson, Woody Harrelson (obvs), Bette Midler, Santana, Chicago, David Crosby and Graham Nash, Rod Stewart, The New Jefferson Starship, Tony Orlando, Ringo Starr, Tommy Chong, Snoop Dogg, and Robert Downey Jr.

Matthew McConaughey



When McConaughey gets loose, he does so with bongos.

Dionne Warwick



Her work with Burt Bacharach was way too mellow to not be under the influence.

Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown



They've got "Something in Common."

Sarah Silverman



Sarah speaks favorably about weed in her act, and smoked with Doug Benson in his movie Super High Me.

Doug Benson



Comedian Doug Benson has centered much of his career around pot.

Oliver Stone



He has the perfect name for someone who's been busted for pot on numerous occasions.

Dawn Wells



Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island was arrested last year for possession.

Dave Chappelle

The Pointer Sisters



Oliver Hudson tells a story about his first concert-going experience, during which the Pointer Sisters were getting blazed.

Paul Dinello



It's hard to watch this Strangers With Candy clip about smoking pot without thinking that writer/actor Paul Dinello believes what he is saying.

Barbra Streisand



In a 1972 Rolling Stone interview, Babs said, "I'd take out a joint and light it. First, just faking it. Then I started lighting live joints, passing them around to the band, you know. I was great, it relieved all my tensions. And I ended up with the greatest supply of grass ever. Other acts up and down the Strip heard about what I was doing - Little Anthony and the Imperials, people like that - and started sending me the best dope in the world. I never ran out."

Phelps Backed by Sponsors After Marijuana Photo [TCPalm]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck disses Michael Phelps; Whoopi Goldberg: 'I have smoked weed' [EW]

And who better to herald the rebranding and hopeification of the U.S.A. than Justin Timberlake, who's made a career of strutting around with an almost radioactive confidence. Admitting to Oprah that Barack Obama's victory gave him a "little swagger to my step" (little?), Timberlake encourages all of us to follow his lead, and strut around with the model-fucking confidence of a pop superstar. Just what America needs—a higher self-esteem. [Oprah]

"Your face and your body can get your foot in the door, obviously. And I'm thankful for that," she notes. "But I think it's almost historical in Hollywood that there just aren't so many good parts for women as they are for men. I think as long as you're playing the wife or the girlfriend to the lead then you're always playing second fiddle to the guys."

The stripper, on the other hand, answers to no one! If a girl has to take it all off and crack an egg onto her bare chest to come in at the top of the call sheet, who can blame her? In fact, we smell a Megan Fox buddy comedy — it's just too bad that verisimilitude has already been sacrificed.

• Jessica Biel Considers Justin Her Private Present [People]

Boomp3.com

The stakes have been raised this year at the Justin Timberlake celebrity golf tournament in Las Vegas. Instead of the usually celebrities playing with a few fans and having a casual, fun game of golf, the celebs and now fans have to play 18 holes with popular television personality Ellen DeGeneres on their back. DeGeneres doesn’t feel she’s an obstacle or hindrance, but is instead supportive and helpful. DeGeneres said, “Who doesn’t enjoy a hug? I know I do. So, I’m just offering support.”

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.