Gawker: defamer, jumper

Hayden Christensen Feels Like He's Walking On Sunshine!

Douglas Reinhardt — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 13:59:27 EDT

High flyin’ movie star Hayden Christensen was spotted taking an invisible elevator to his management offices in Los Angeles yesterday afternoon. The Jumper star said that he uses the power of positivity to ascend through the smog covered skies and not “the force,” which many have suspected. Christensen said, “No Jedi mind tricks. I’m just thinking about puppy dogs, ice cream, and all the good things about life and that gets me off the ground.”

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Discuss: Why Would A Studio Give Hayden Christensen a Three-Picture Deal?

STV — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:55:00 EDT

There's a valid debate to be had about the cosmic justice in news that Hayden Christensen this week agreed to a three-picture deal with Screen Gems. Beyond the obvious indignation that directors like David Lynch (and his cow) are reduced to promoting his films on the street while Werner Herzog remakes American B-pictures (when he's not remaking his own), we might look to the more bracing reality that a man best known for pouting his way through two Star Wars films as Anakin Skywalker has been entrusted with the development of three movies for Sony's genre offshoot.

Is it oversimplifying to wonder where this faith came from, or what Screen Gems thinks it will get out of this? Have you ever once heard anyone walking around on a studio lot, at festivals or elsewhere intoning, "I want to be in the Hayden Christensen business?" Seriously, yes or no: Is there a demand for three Hayden Christensen films?

Not that we have anything against Hayden Christensen; Shattered Glass was wonderful, and it's not his fault Star Wars set fire to its own legacy. He's not waving the Hayden flag on some hubristic victory lap this morning, either; the word slipped out via Variety, which reported that Christensen and his brother's shingle Forest Park Pictures will bring projects directly to Screen Gems when he's not invited to participate in the studio's own films. The first film under the pact, the thriller Bone Deep, shoots later this fall (also starring T.I. and Chris Brown, who curiously have SG deals as well), and the two remaining projects are yet to be determined.

"Hayden is a very talented and versatile actor with a proven worldwide box-office history," Screen Gems president Doug Culpepper told the trade paper. Again, nothing against Christensen's talent (we've seen better than pretty much any actor under 30 these days), but "proven worldwide box-office history"? Excepting Star Wars, which you kind of have to do considering what little he's been able to whip up in their "proven worldwide box-office" aftermath, Christensen's only score was Jumper, a generally reviled $220 million grosser that lost money Stateside and cost almost three times what Screen Gems is going to pay to make and market any of Christensen's upcoming projects — genre films like Awake, which did less than $30 million worldwide in 2007.

Obviously this isn't the worst deal Screen Gems could make; there's always that home-video and Flopz™ afterlife. (Or only life, as with his straight-to-DVD 2007 effort Virgin Territory.) Still, though: In this economic climate, Hayden Christensen is a player? Does Screen Gems know something we don't? And if so, can we have stock tips while they're at it?

http://www.link.com">Hayden Christensen is Screen's gem [Variety]

Will Ferrell Will Do Literally Anything For Your Laugh-Dollars

Seth — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:04:21 EST

Tend to the wounds of your ill-advised weekend bear-wrestling adventures with the box office numbers:

1. Semi-Pro - $15.2 million
One of the last New Line independent releases before it becomes a barnacle on the passing Warner Bros. mothership, Semi-Pro offered a vivid demonstration of The Law of Diminishing Will Ferrell Returns: The comedian's latest foray into the world of bumbling, outlandishly becoiffed egomaniacs provided precisely 25% the enjoyment of the previous one about the figure skater, which in turn provided 25% of the enjoyment of the one about the NASCAR racer, which in turn provided 25% of the enjoyment of the one about the news anchor.

2. Vantage Point - $13 million
To celebrate Vantage Point clinging to the number two position in its second week in theaters, we invite you to partake in a hearty round of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with any member of its large ensemble of stars.

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles - $8.752 million
[Slight spoiler] Spiderwick fun fact: Seth Rogen is the voice of Hogsqueal, a hobgoblin who, by spitting in your eye, can give you the ability to see all faeries without the aid of a seeing stone. His Oscar co-presenter Jonah Hill, meanwhile, is in talks to join the cast of the sequel The Spiderwick Monologues, doing something similarly bodily-fluid related. (Nothing involving menstrual blood, however. Breathe easy.)

4. The Other Boleyn Girl - $8.3 million
8. Penelope - $4.006 million
Studio publicists take heed: Taking your starlet leads' BFFship to the next level with some light lesbian kissing can potentially double your opening weekend take.

5. Jumper - $7.6 million
We now turn to star Hayden Christensen to explain in his own words what makes Jumper so bitchin'.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE February 29-March 2, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

Hayden Christensen's Deliberate Ambiguity

Nick Denton — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:22:09 EST

What is Hayden Christensen, an actor who's had to bat away rumors about his sexuality, doing on a magazine quite as gay as Details? Last week, the Jumper star wandered the streets of Manhattan with his co-star, Rachel Bilson, providing heterosexual photo opportunities. All that hard paparazzi-enticing work, thrown away for one lousy magazine cover. Unless this is all part of his handlers' plan: encourage speculation in the celebrity weeklies of a relationship between the prettyboy actor and his female co-star; but leave enough coded language and imagery for the gays to believe there's still hope. In the business of celebrity image-making, this is the equivalent of the evangelical dog-whistle, or Mike Huckabee's floating cross commercial, an appeal designed only to be picked up by the target demographic. If so, it's working: despite awful reviews, Jumper was the weekend's highest grossing new release. (After the jump, the reason why the Jumper star keeps the audience guessing: his fans, who have filled Youtube with dreamy tribute videos, can't handle the truth.)

Hayden Christensen Returns To His Charisma-Free Sci-Fi Roots

Seth — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 12:00:10 EST

Ease the bitterness of having to work on President's Day with the knowledge that 1) Grover Cleveland always made his first and second assistants roll calls on Washington's birthday, and 2) the names Roscoe Jenkins, Hanna Montana, and Juno appear nowhere in the weekend box office numbers:

1. Jumper - $27.225 million
So well did Doug Liman's teleportation adventure connect with audiences (expect the words "fourth highest President's Day opening ever" to grace a trade gatefold ad in coming days, featuring a tiny Hayden Christensen standing atop Mt. Rushmore, perched on the tip of the Washington Monument, and avoiding swerving traffic at the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel), that Fox is already talking franchise:

"When you have a successful movie, you want to built on it and have sequels," senior VP of distribution Bert Livingston tells Variety. Still, by the time those roll around, audiences will have already grown wise to the studio's strategy of using dozens of lightspeed location changes to distract from the star's dead-eyed line readings. Jumper 2: Emoter will therefore pose effects engineers with a challenge unlike any other: creating the awesome illusion that Christensen can shift mood gears as quickly as his character can leap from bed to the top of Empire State Building.

2. Step Up 2 the Streets - $19.666
While Step Up star Channing Tatum may have only appeared in it for the contractually mandated minimum (consisting of one shot of the actor with a hand over his cellphone as he fields a call from his agent, wishing the next generation of Step Up-pers best of luck on their sequel adventures), Step Up 2 the Streets still managed to outperform expectations. Our only concern, however, is that its catchy pun-title may have painted future installments into a corner. Sure, Step Up 4 What's Yours has a nice ring to it, but Step Up 3 Is 1 More Than 2, Can U Feel It?!? is likely to just confuse people.

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles - $19.080 million
The underperforming Spiderwick suggests young audiences might have finally reached their saturation point with the fantasy genre. Parents currently struggling with home infestations, however, may still want to consider taking the family, as further nightmares might be avoided by telling your children that the rodents and cockroaches scampering across their pillows are in fact the magical Boggarts and Brownies of the Faerie realm, visible only through a magical seeing stone you've managed to misplace.

4. Fool's Gold - $13.08 million
That's $2.18 million per ab!

5. Definitely, Maybe - $9.685 million
With the Fanning sisters effectively nudged out of the running, Abigail Breslin (as if we didn't see this one coming) has fully ascended to Hollywood's Favorite Precocious Youngster Capable of Imparting Worldly Wisdom Exceeding That of Most Adults Five-Times Her Age. Whether her palpable chemistry with screen dad Ryan Reynolds will yield further pairings remains to be seen, however, although we will say this: Paper Moon isn't going to unnecessary-remake itself.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE February 15-17, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

Hayden Christensen's Funny Valentine's Day

Nick Denton — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 11:30:12 EST

The gays can be particularly tedious when they question the sexuality of every boyish actor. Which is why one has some sympathy for Hayden Christensen, who's been fending off rumors of a relationship with Trevor Blumas, a fellow Canadian actor, for years. (Here was one effort: "To me, masculinity is the ability to flirt with the effeminate.") Whatever. But the fevered yearning of gay Hayden fans is sweet and innocent beside the promotion by the marketers of Jumper of an official rumor: that the delicate boy-actor is again, just in time for the movie's release, heterosexually dating Rachel Bilson. His cute co-star wears a bracelet engraved with an H; coyly avoids confirmation or denial of a relationship; and the two of them wandered romantically around Downtown Manhattan locations, like paparazzi bait, for Valentine's Day. “To all the ladies who I’m sure would like to know,” Rachel told one of the morning shows. “He was a good kisser!” Blech! Anyway, aside from such cynical efforts to draw female fans, and what critics say is a thin plot, Doug Liman's camerawork looks typically stylish, and Christensen's ability to teleport is a special power every teenager has yearned for. Jumper opens today. The trailer, after the jump.