So far the only things that are really releasing trailers are the big budget comedies and action pictures. We threw in the trailer for A Single Man even though it opens this year and it's an indie movie because we wanted everyone to think we watch more than popcorn flicks. We also watch The Hills and lots of porn. But we'll put A Single Man on our Netflix queue, but we're not promising we watch it before sending it back so that we can get The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 for the third time instead.

Here are some new(ish) trailers for upcoming movies and our snap judgments.

Date Night
Starring: Tina Fey, Steve Carell, James Franco, Marky Mark
Reminds Us Of: 48 Hours, for some strange reason.
Plot Summary: A boring suburban couple go out for a big night in the city. They impersonate another couple and all hell breaks loose.
What Looks Good: Tina Fey and Steve Carell together at last and being hilarious.
What Looks Bad: This whole over-wrought, high-concept plot seems way too over-the-top for this duo.
Final Verdict: We'll see it, but we're going to complain that it wasn't as funny as one episode of 30 Rock.

Clash of the Titans
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Sam Worthington
Reminds Us Of: Clash of the Titans, take one.
Plot Summary: Greek gods, lots of fighting, special effects.
What Looks Good: Medusa, the giant scorpion things, the monster they ripped off from Pan's Labrynth, Sam Worthington.
What Looks Bad: Since there isn't even an iota of narrative, the story is probably going to suck. But that's not why you buy a ticket to this anyway.
Final Verdict: Our eyeballs are dancing and our brain has checked out. Sounds like a great Saturday night.

A Single Man
Starring: Colin Firth, Julianne Moore
Reminds Us Of: Mad Men, that other retro movie Julianne Moore got an Oscar nomination for, the perfume bottles on our grandmother's vanity.
Plot Summary: Based on this trailer, we have no clue. Something having to do with how sexing Julianne Moore leads Colin Firth to want to do it with young boys.
What Looks Good: Art direction, wardrobe, performances.
What Looks Bad: This trailer reeks of a movie that is 20 minutes too long.
Final Verdict: Yes, please. We go see everything Julianne Moore is in, even though she hasn't made a good movie in a long while. Also, Oscars.

Kick-Ass
Starring: Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Nicolas Cage
Reminds Us Of: Napolean Dynomite after karate class, Kevin Smith's wet dreams.
Plot Summary: A bunch of kids decide to put on costumes and become super heroes.
What Looks Good: The costumes are cute, and we bet there is going to be some great comedy.
What Looks Bad: Surprisingly this trailer does its job and makes this thing look really appealing. Good job.
Final Verdict: We're going to wait to read reviews before buying a ticket, but we're sold on the concept.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Kingsley, Gemma Arterton
Reminds Us Of: Video games, that we need to go to the gym.
Plot Summary: There's a dagger that stops time and evil people want it, so a prince and his sexy lady have to go through the desert to get rid of it.
What Looks Good: The special effects, Jakey G. and his slutty princess.
What Looks Bad: The accents! The accents!
Final Verdict: This could either be Pirates of the Carribean good or The Mummy bad, both of which are pretty low bars.

Oscar winners Olympia Dukakis and Brenda Fricker will star in a new film about two old lesbians who break out of a nursing home and go on a road trip. This is expected to be summer 2010 tentpole programming for Universal, which is hoping for a franchise. What this says for Fox's similarly-themed big-budget summer film Me & Henry, about Hal Holbrook and Philip Bosco being gay together, remains to be seen. [Variety]

The marvelous Charlie Day from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Christina Applegate have joined Drew Barrymore and Justin Long in the romantical comedy Going the Distance. They'll play the best friend/snarky sibling characters, obviously. New Line is hoping to add some box office oomph by asking the screenwriter to pen in a subplot about Blythe Danner and Lynn Cohen going to sex parties. [THR]

Speaking of It's Always Sunny..., FX has announced their fall premiere dates. Sunny will premiere September 17th at 10pm, the same day that NBC rolls out their Thursday night laff line-up (sans 30 Rock). So, a funny night! [Variety]

Columbus Circle, a movie co-written by Kevin Pollack, lurches into motion. The film is about Selma Blair being a hermited New York heiress who is interviewed by detective Giovanni Ribisi after there's a murder in her building. Amy Smart and Jason Lee play new neighbors. So, that sounds like a movie that could have been made ten years ago. [THR]

Oh, another box office smash! Annette Bening and Julianne Moore are set to play lesbian parents whose two kids, Mia Wasikowska from In Treatment and Josh Hutcherson from Bridge to Terabithia, go in search of their sperm donor papa in The Kids are All Right. He turns out to be Mark Ruffalo, and hilarity and awkwardness ensue. This will probably open against James Ivory's boffo new picture, Lady with a Lapdog, an adaptation of the Chekhov short story starring Phyllida Law. In this version, everyone's gay. [Variety]

ABC has picked up an internationally-produced show about astronauts starring Ron Livingston. The thing was actually pitched at one point as "Grey's Anatomy in space". So. A couple days ago we learned about that Canadian show Coppers that was picked up for distribution by ABC. It was described as Grey's Anatomy about rookie cops. Basically, everything is Grey's Anatomy and foreign. That's your new TV, folks. Enjoy it. [THR]

Oh, and remakes! Also there are remakes. Sci Fi, oh excuse me Syfy, is trying its hand at yet another gritty retelling of a cheesy story. They'll be rebooting Alien Nation, that 1980s series about cops and aliens named Sam Francisco. It would be an alien procedural. It'll also have to compete, someday theoretically, with V, another remount that ABC is doing in the fall. Hey, TV! We have ideas for shows that are new! Come talk to us! [Variety]

That low rumble you felt in your loins this morning wasn't the D train beneath you, headed north to Fordham. No, it was a subconscious reaction to the news that Zac Efron, a young and brave ambassador from the Elf kingdoms of the West, has been cast in yet another movie. It's called The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud, based on the novel of the same name. This comes on the heels (harrrrr) of the news that he's ducked out of the remake of Footloose that Disney-porn auteur Kenny Ortega plans to direct. It's unclear when Efron, whose Elf name is ZaideeEfwinkle, will return to his kingdom of mushroom stools and Kikaree birds, but it seems likely that he'll first have to play the lead in that buzzed-about Shirley Temple biopic. [Variety]

Tom Hanks is developing a movie based on the old action hero space toy Major Matt Mason, who was a noble explorer of the final frontier who lived in a space station. The project is expected to proceed apace until some brave intern timidly taps Hanks on the shoulder and, when he's got his attention, kindly and quietly reminds him that he's not 35 anymore. [Variety] Dennis Quaid and Julianne Moore fucking hate each other. Oh wait, ha ha, no. Just their characters. Quaid is slated to play Bill Clinton and Moore his beautiful wife Hillary in an upcoming HBO film called The Special Relationship, about Clinton's dealings with British PM Antoinette Blair. A weary, so very bored Michael Sheen will once again play Blair, his third go around in the role. [Variety]

National Amusements cinemas is up for sale (by Citigroup), but is not attracting any bids. Potential buyers have been chased away because they want to buy select theaters from the 1,000 screen chain, not the whole kitten caboodle, but Citi won't let 'em. Had they done like I wanted and kept the Circle Cinemas in Cleveland Circle open, none of this would be an issue, I suspect. [THR]

Jon Hamm is playing the lawyer who inspired Perry Mason in the Allen Ginsburg biopic Howl. [Variety] Sparkly vampyr twink Robert Pattinson is going to be a star-crossed lover in the Summit feature (they own him) Memoirs. [Variety] And Slumdog Millionaire pretty face Freida Pinto will star in Julian Schanbel's next artsy fartsy movie, alongside Hiam Abbas, who acquitted herself beautifully in The Visitor. [Variety]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer scourge Michelle Trachtenberg has been cast in that pilot about nurses that isn't Nurse Jackie, called Mercy. She'll play a clueless dork. Fitting. But srsly, folks. This woman has the best agent in the biz. Her continued and frequent employment is baffling. [THR] Meanwhile George Lopez, the man responsible for both Beverly Hills Chihuahua and for currently ruining Nick at Nite, has nabbed the most coveted job in showbiz. He'll be the host of a TBS late-night talk show. Sounds bleak, sure, but Lopez actually has kind of a rabid following. (Rabid was a joke about chihuahuas... sigh). [THR]

We mean it! Take back his Nobel Prize! And boycott Blindness, while you're at it; that's the least you could do for a guy with grievances (after the jump) like NFB boss Marc Maurer's:

“The National Federation of the Blind condemns and deplores this film, which will do substantial harm to the blind of America and the world. Blind people in this film are portrayed as incompetent, filthy, vicious, and depraved. They are unable to do even the simplest things like dressing, bathing, and finding the bathroom. The truth is that blind people regularly do all of the same things that sighted people do. Blind people are a cross-section of society, and as such we represent the broad range of human capacities and characteristics. We are not helpless children or immoral, degenerate monsters; we are teachers, lawyers, mechanics, plumbers, computer programmers, and social workers. ...

Portraying the blind on movie screens across America as little better than animals will reinforce the unfounded fears, misconceptions, and stereotypes in the general public about blindness. It will exacerbate the unemployment rate among the blind, which is already higher than 70 percent because of public misconceptions about the capabilities of blind people. It will reinforce false public notions that blind children are ineducable, that blind adults are unemployable, and that all blind people are socially undesirable.

What are they talking about? Haven't Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx and Patty Duke all won Oscars playing blind characters? People love these guys! Still, director Fernando Meirelles was unavailable for comment this morning, but Miramax — which has had problems with the film since before it was seemingly the 87th choice to open this year's Cannes Film Festival — has since issued a statement insisting that he "worked diligently to preserve the intent and resonance of the acclaimed book." The NFB is moving ahead anyway with protests in at least 21 states and "dozens of participants" wherever possible, setting up an awkward showdown between authorities urging protesters to observe the police perimeter around theaters and seeing-eye dogs slyly trained not to stop before leading their masters to the box office. If you think it's ugly now, just wait.

• NFB Condemns and Deplores the Movie Blindness [NFB]
• Blind activists plan protest of movie 'Blindness' [AP]

[Art dealer Sam] Green told us he has no problem being depicted as one of the many characters who hung around the Baekelands. But a scene in which he and Tony have sex simply never happened, he insists.

He's consulted a lawyer about filing a defamation suit. "The lawyer said this is a winner," Green said. "How do they think they can get away with it?"

Rainbow Media, parent company of IFC Films, told us: "The film was based on a book about Barbara Baekeland and carries a disclaimer that explains that characters may be composites or entirely fictitious."

Look, Sam, it's like this: When you play in the World Series of Fucked-Up, you're gonna get hit by a wild pitch every now and then. And anyway, your depiction in Savage Grace seemed pretty flattering to us, with your bronzed lothario's effortless seduction of Barbara Baekeland rivaled only by your cool in the sack with both mother and son — at the same time. You're a stud! Just take the feather, put it in your cap and enjoy your bit part in the myth. You may as well — you just publicized the hell out of it.

• SEX SCENE CALLED AN ARTFUL LIE [Page Six]

WHAT'S NEW: We've heard Sex and the City referred to as everything from a "women's cultural moment" to "plow donkeys wearing lipstick," a fantastically diverse spectrum of hype that reflects a true phenomenon — if not necessarily guaranteeing a box-office windfall. But we'll stick with the conventional wisdom on this one, especially after a number-crunching source sends word that it's already over 1,000 sellouts and pushing $6 million before noon. With Indy 4 dropping at least 50%, and even with male moviegoers calling in dead, we're calling SATC for $51.5 million, Indy for $49 million, and the never-say-die Speed Racer hanging in there with about $200.

Also opening this week: the Mena-Suvari-in-cornrows horror/drama Stuck; the martial arts comedy The Foot Fist Way; and the gonzo steroid doc Bigger, Faster, Stronger*.

THE BIG LOSER: Universal thinks it's playing The Strangers just right, with the Liv Tyler/Scott Speedman home invasion thriller offering ideal counterprogramming against the estrogen-skewing SATC. We're a lot less optimistic, with critics pummeling it and the R rating thwarting a young (particularly male) audience that has nowhere else to turn. If it does more than $8 million we'll be stunned.

THE UNDERDOG: Now this is counterprogramming: Fifteen years after his queer tabloid romp Swoon, filmmaker Tom Kalin returns to true crime with the luridly omnisexual Savage Grace. Julianne Moore is in top form as Barbara Baekeland, whose marriage into the Bakelite fortune yields a roving husband (Stephen Dillane), a tormented gay son (Eddie Redmayne) and her own psychosis over years of imploded family ambitions. Moore's riveting interface with Redmayne — an essentially symbiotic passive to her aggressive, until an intimate coupling one must see to believe torpedos everything — is ripped straight from the scandalous headlines by Kalin, who orchestrates it all as one of the most dynamic melodramas in years.

FOR SHUT-INS: This week's new DVD's include the Woody Allen "thriller" Cassandra's Dream; the Forest Whitaker/Sarah Michelle Gellar/Brenadan Fraser ensemble stinker The Air I Breathe; Daniel Kraus's outstanding on-the-job doc Musician; and the ultimate anti-SATC tonic, Rambo: The Complete Collectors Set.

So can an old man outperform four younger women for three days straight? Are we misreading the odds for The Strangers? Recommend something to us for a change — what's good out there?

boomp3.com


Blindness star Julianne Moore was all smiles at the film's premiere after party at the Cannes Film Festival. It wasn't because of the film, though; rather, her broad smile was the result of cracking up the paparazzi with her "switching to Geico" joke. Moore confessed that it wasn't the greatest of jokes, but she wanted to show people that she had a fun side. Moore said, "I'm either playing a concerned mother or a concerned wife or just somebody whose going through a shitty time. I can be fun, too. You know, I could mix it up with Dane Cook and crack everybody up."

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Also on the bright side, we won't get robbed on the Croisette like seemingly everyone else in an increasingly frequent rite of passage known as "Cote d' Ass-Losing":

Bill Pence, director of Dartmouth's film school and a co-founder of the Telluride festival, was lining up for a Cannes screening in the early 1990s on the Rue d'Antibes with his wife, Stella, when he felt a light touch on his buttocks. "I said, 'Stella, will you stop that!' And she said, 'I'm not touching you.' " A pickpocket was, and Pence's wallet was gone.

Finally, reviews of Cannes' opening-night film Blindness, which screened for critics this morning, are trickling in. The results are pretty much what we heard a few weeks back: Qualified praise, lukewarm at best, with Jeffrey Wells noting, "I respected Blindness — I certainly agree with what it's saying — but it didn't arouse me at all," and the Telegraph's Sukhdev Sandhu praising castmates Julianne Moore and Alice Braga before concluding, "They do well to save a film that, in trying so hard to be faithful to the novel, falls prey to tone-deafness." Yes, it's only May, but consider this the beginning of the end for its Oscar hopes.

• Jack Black takes on forty pandas [Fest Central]
• What's also playing at Cannes... [LAT]
• Cannes 2008: Blindness Review [Telegraph]

But isn't this the same festival that opened in 2006 with The Da Vinci Code? Just how bad is "bad"?

Look at it this way: Festival organizers knew what they wanted two years ago, announcing Da Vinci's selection in January of 2006 — nearly four months before it screened. Moreover, Sony knew what it had: A shabby, critic-proof, mass-market lark. Cannes' previous two openers were different — Lemming (2005) and Bad Education (2004) were announced April 19 and Feb. 21 of their respective years. Wong Kar-wai's 2007 opener My Blueberry Nights was locked in by April 19 of last year. We're pushing May Day, and the odds-on favorite for 2008 — which most observers were already surprised to see left off the competition slate last week — has yet to receive the festival's official blessing.

Director Fernando Mereilles was being either skeptical or falsely modest a few months back when he told one of us in a interview: "I'd love to take it to Cannes. I don't know if I'm going to get a slot, but I'd love to. It's a very dark story. But that's our goal. It's sold all over the world — there will be some support." Hey, man, you don't need to convince us. Also, we know there have been at least a few Miramax test screenings, and if the studio knows it has a misfire on its hands, the last thing it wants is to sacrifice it publicly four months before Oscar season.

If it were up to us, we'd just insist that Cannes get Indiana Jones 4 out of the way on opening night and let the rest of the fest speak for itself. But if it's not Blindness, what else should we be looking for? Four hours of Che? We'd take anything at this point.

UPDATE: Surely in swift response to our well-placed suspicions, the Cannes Film Festival just officially announced Blindness as its opening-night selection. Confirming other speculation in its same dispatch, the fest also named the Barry Levinson/Robert De Niro pairing What Just Happened? as its closing-night film.

• 'Blindness' Tipped to open Cannes [Variety]

Magnolia co-star Julianne Moore told Tim Robbins, a red-eyed Oliver Stone and Hollywood bigs like Terry Semel, Bob Shaye, Ron Meyer, Bert Fields and Kevin Huvane that 'I ate lunch with Tom one day on the set - he eats from catering, which stars at that level never do - and my baby-sitter was so frozen in awe of him that she couldn't even bother to pick up my baby.

But Tom could. And did.

The rest, of course, is history: Cruise, too quick for the shoot's slow-footed security guards, bolted from the set with the infant, stored it in his compound's custom-built suspended-animation chamber for the next seven years, then eventually reintroduced the child to the world as his own on the cover of Vanity Fair. Though the proud father must spend a considerable amount of effort obscuring the girl's true parentage by dying her telltale red mane black and covering her freckles in heavy makeup, he's never regretted the once-impulsive decision to start his own "biological" family.

• No Scientology bashing at Tom Cruise roast [Rush & Molly]