The New York Post's gossip column didn't have much to base its conclusion that Ritchie had given the sleuthing tale a homoerotic backstory except for Downey's quote in the News of the World earlier this year that his Holmes and Law's Watson are "two men who happen to be roommates, wrestle a lot and share a bed. It's bad-ass."

That was apparently enough to put conservative radio host and family-friendly movie critic Michael Medved into a full-blown gay panic. "There's not a seething, bubbling hunger to see straight stars impersonating homosexuals. ... Who is going to want to see Downey Jr. and Law make out? I don't think it would be appealing to women. Straight men don't want to see it."

Well, we got a hold of a copy of a script to see just how gay it is, and to Medved's relief (or secret disappointment?) there're no scenes of Holmes and Watson going Brokeback. Our version is dated March 18, 2008, so it may not be the final, final revision. But the only explicit sex mentioned is a half-naked post-coital shot of Downey and Rachel McAdams in bed. That doesn't mean, of course, that Ritchie didn't direct his actors to give the Holmes-Watson dynamic some sexual tension. Here's the script's gayest moment — a scene that comes early in the movie when Watson tells Holmes that he's getting married. I could see how it could be played gay, but be your own judge.

Click images for a larger, more legible version

An action yarn complete with ham-slamming fisticuffs and wittily bantered-about gun play, a sexy/funny love interest (Rachel McAdams), and a door hoofening sidekick (Jude Law's Watson). While some (including us) may have been hoping for something darker and more ruminative, something in the vein of From Hell (but better), we should have known better based on Ritchie's lock stocking oeuvre. Ah well.

Looks fun, at least. We'll see it at Christmas.

[via Movieline]

Law's transformation was unveiled by gender-bending auteur Sally Potter (Orlando), who cast Law in her fashion world-set story Rage, which is premiering at the Berlin International Film Festival this month. Said the director:

Jude Law, whose beauty has sometimes been held against him as an actor, made the courageous decision to accept the role of Minx - a "celebrity super-model" and took on a kind of hyper-beauty for this persona... a ‘female' beauty which gradually unravels as the story unfolds.

Strangely, the more he became a ‘she', coiffed and made-up - the more naked was his performance. There was great strength in his willingness to make himself vulnerable. It was an extraordinarily intense part of the shoot.

Now that Law has clearly qualified himself to serve as the final celebrity judge on RuPaul's Drag Race, we hope that he has practiced a fierce, lip-synched rendition of Fergie's Clumsy with which to wow the Berlin audience. And if his cell phone buzzes mid-performance thanks to a newly curious, willing-to-rekindle Lindsay Lohan, we advise him to just ignore it and keep on sashaying. You better work!

• Beauty [Sally Potter]

Warner Bros. has finally released some non-paparazzi photos from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes, and they showcase Downey Jr.'s physique (in an exploration of Holmes's boxing roots) as well as Jude Law as his Watson. Still unseen: Ritchie's provocative new "fiery penis" storyline. Guy, we've got a stunt double who's ready to audition...

• New Photos: Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes [MTV]

Boomp3.com

On the London set of Sherlock Holmes, free spirit Robert Downey Jr. did his best to cheer his director Guy Ritchie up. Partnering up with the effects and stunt departments, Downey crafted a rig that allowed him to fly around the set. A rather glum Ritchie perked up at the sight of Downey soaring majestically, as Downey shouted down, “Relax, Guy. I’m going to fly in this movie, too. People love it when I’m flyin’.”

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Sherlock Holmes star Robert Downey Jr and an extremely animated Jude Law took the swingin’ streets of London to help their boss, Guy Ritchie, wash that woman out of his hair with a night on the town. Downey Jr. said, “It’s not going to be a bender. It'll never be a bender, but we're going to have the most fun humanly possible before our 6 a.m. call time. Watch out, world, reformed Kabbalist on the loose!"

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

To shake off the rust in their pick up game, Jude Law and his wing man practiced spitting their game at a Manhattan area construction site on Wednesday afternoon. A few of the construction workers laughed at Law and his amigo’s attempts at catcalling women. One of the construction workers said, “You British guys are too nice. If a broad is working with a nice pair of whomp bompers, then just fucking say it. Don’t pussyfoot around.” Another Teamster added that they could get away with being forward since their accents are vocal panty removers.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Buzz Cuts Gone Good:
Though they both donned powder-dusted ponytails together in Interview With The Vampire, both Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt's best look to date is the crop cut. Think Cruise in all the MI films as opposed to his Village People allusion in Magnolia, or Brad in all the Ocean's movies vs. that caveman look we never even got to see on the big screen for The Fountain. And for all his demerits, from daring to put down Madonna to failing to ever make us laugh, Justin Timberlake's sole redeeming attribute is his near-perfection of the style.

Buzz Cuts Gone Bad:
We happen to be among the few remaining females still ignoring all those silly gay rumors and clinging to Jake Gyllenhaal's heterosexual plausibility. But every crush reaches a standstill at some point, and re: Jake, that point was officially reached courtesy of Jarhead, which required The Jake to feign military obedience and cut it all off. Despite a yearning to see as much of Jake's skin as possible, we didn't appreciate said skin being exposed so plentifully on his scalp. And anyone besides us feverishly following the depressingly rapid decrease in blooming hair on Jude Law's curiously peaked head knows a buzz cut hasn't resulted in the best aesthetic for the rock heiress-snogging star. Finally, we know she's not technically a male celebrity, but no one proved just how wrong a buzz can look than Britney Spears and her infamous self-shearing.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images, Celebrity Details, Beauty And The Bath, Dark Horizons, All Things D and Dyli.org]

• STYLE IT LIKE BECKHAM: ROCKER JOHN MAYER COPIES DAVID'S LOOK [Daily Mail]
• JOSH BROLIN: I'M 'IN A BAD PREDICAMENT RIGHT NOW' [HuffPo]

Though Cameron told Jay Leno she "just loved" her new brown hair back in 2006, Timberlake didn't appear to share the sentiment, initially moving on to very blonde ScarJo, then the more natural brunette Jessica Biel. But maybe Diaz should have seen it coming - in the same Leno interview, she said her new dye job was attracting more "introspective" men. JT may be many things, but pensive? And as hard as we try to erase the memory from our collective mind, the sight of Smartest Dumb Blonde In The World, Jessica Simpson, sporting those dark hues while desperately installing her chin on John Mayer's shoulder did little to inspire the crooner's signature O-face.

Yes, a nanny and various False Terribles are mostly to blame for the split between Jude Law and Sienna Miller, but only months after cutting off her Alfie-saving blonde waves for the underrated Factory Girl, Law just happened to fall for the long straw-colored tresses of the otherwise aesthetically incomparable nanny. Similarly, Gigli is mostly at fault for ruining what may be the union responsible for all Brangelina and TomKat-style celebrity couple name combos: Bennifer. But that awkward curly housewife cut didn't help. Neither did Aniston's self-proclaimed "regretful" decision to cut her trademark Rachel off during what we would later learn to be her final days of marriage with Brad Pitt — after all, we all know how that story ended.

[Photo credits: Getty, Splash, Beauty And The Bath]

• IS BOYISH KATIE HOLMES TRYING TO STAY A CUT AHEAD OF EVA AND VICTORIA WITH THE DEATH OF THE 'POB'? [Daily Mail]

boomp3.com

Closer star Jude Law was unable to parlay his celebrity status into a closer spot at a London Radiohead concert over the weekend, much to his and his female's companion's dismay. The popular English actor had been able to get backstage at numerous concerts before, but Law ran into a bit of difficulty while explaining his situation to a group of roadies. The roadies were unfamiliar with his work and suggested that if he wanted to see the show from a better perspective, he should've gotten to the show earlier. Law turned back to his companion and said that his assistant must've forgotten to e-mail somebody and suggested that they watch the show like normal people. "Come on, it'll be a lark," Law was overheard saying.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

The story involving Lohan is hardly new, and appears to be taken directly from last year's suspect News Of The World feature in which one of Lohan's cohorts turned over a tape allegedly showing Lohan snorting lines at Teddy's. The item, accompanied by grainy stills from the tape which have yet to convince us Lindsay's the girl peer pressuring everyone around her into joint key bumps, did provide a classic Lindsay quote: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to fuck Jude Law!" Funny. And sad, because of just how funny that objective would be today. As for the other excerpts, Johnny Depp is the actor who said he'd spent most of his life in a fog, but his comments on cocaine and all the "teeth-grinding" that came with it were made in retrospect during a 2001 interview with The Guardian. The star who relied on the drug socially? Shockingly (!), Elton John. Who provided the book's quote to the LAT back in 1992. And guess what? Robin Williams, believe it or not, was once fond of the same drug! Too bad that news is so old Williams was still using the memory of it to plug movies to People in 1988.

The book's authors also promise revelations from the secretly drug-filled lives of Whitney Houston, Courtney Love, Amy Winehouse, and George Michael. But rather than sit around in heated anticipation of the day you can waste $28.95 on the hardcover, we'll give you the Cliff's Notes:
Whitney Houston: "Crack is whack."
Amy Winehouse: "They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no."
George Michael: "Why can't I set my monkey free?"
Courtney Love: "im sur ei am quite Nuerotic."
[Photo credits: Wireimage]

• DOPE STYLES OF THE BOLD-FACES [NYP]

While his mop top was still intact, Law was linked to Miller, Natalie Portman and underwear model Susan Hoecke. But with no prospects recently, the British press see this dalliance with Stewart as his way of "slumming it." As for Kimberly, who's made a living dating other stars' leftovers like Calum Best and Cisco Adler, she hasn't done herself any favors by offering up her reputation to the feisty UK tabloids and their claws. On the plus side, Rod Stewart could finally have a prospective son-in-law; too bad they won't be able to trade hair tips.

[Photo credits: The Sun]

• RUDE JUDE WITH ROD'S GIRL [The Sun]

5. Woody Harrelson: In the 2006 case of TMZ v. Woody Harrelson, the buns-of-steel actor became so infuriated by one of Harvey Levin's minions that he went so far as to strangle the pap and destroy his camera. The only funny part of this story? The LAPD allegedly took Woody's side, continuing the longtime tradition of starry-eyed feds' celebrity worship trumping any reason to reprimand law-breaking stars.

4. Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake: Cameron Diaz has a rep for despising the photographers, most recently telling W that she's planning a move to New York just to escape their clutches. But back in 2004 when Diaz was still in lurve with Timberlake, the pair grew so fed up that they managed to grab one pap's camera and run off with it. Too bad their attempts to sue were accompanied by visual evidence of an angry-looking Cam doing the deed.

3: Sean Penn: While in China shooting Shanghai Surprise, Penn's legendary decision to hang a photographer found in his hotel room from a nine-story balcony marked the beginning of the celebrities v. photographers war, primarily because all charges stemming from his arrest for murder were dropped, inspiring future stars to confidently follow in his footsteps.

2. Bjork:

A few years back, Bjork famously flipped out at a New Zealand airport after paps ignored her companion's requests to stop taking pictures. Bjork's reaction? The pap claims she decided to suddenly claw at and rip his shirt. And yet, after this, we somehow love her even more.

1. Britney SpearsAnd our all-time favorite paparazzi scuffle occurred on that fateful night of February 21, when newly bald Britney spontaneously unleashed her fury by abusing an SUV and several photographers using two weapons: an umbrella, and the scariest facial expression we've ever seen. Clearly, Sienna has a few things to learn from Britney.

[Photo credits: Wireimage, X17, TMZ]

• SIENNA'S PAPARAZZI RAGE: MISS MILLER ATTACKS PHOTOGRAPHER WITH HER HANDBAG [Daily Mail]

boomp3.com


My Blueberry Nights star Jude Law was spotted in London's Heathrow airport unable to pick up his carry-on bag. Law asked if his limo driver would be able to pick up and carry the bag for him, adding that his male pattern baldness had flared up during the flight and it'll only get worse if he attempted any physical activity. Law stated that stress and physical excursion are the number one and two causes for his rapid hair loss.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

At left, Naomi proudly showed off her naturally defined hairline at a February event by pulling the whole damn mess of it back as tightly as possible. And look how happy she is! She's all, Look Bitches, Fear Me All You Want, But Respect This Bombass Hair. Alas, a more recent photo taken this month reveals a more somber Campbell. Sure, her sad expression may have something to do with that pesky assault charge, but we'd be a bit glum too if noticeable patches of missing hair were visible to one and all. We suggest Naomi appear on Tyra for some good ol' weave advice. Tyra doesn't know much, but when it comes to talking weaves, she's a regular prodigy.

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

• HAVE HAIR EXTENSIONS TAKEN A TOLL ON NAOMI CAMPBELL'S VANISHING HAIRLINE? [Mail On Sunday]

[Jude] is reported to be so worried about his receding hairline that he has consulted a Harley Street expert, in a bid to save his locks."

According to the Daily Mail, even his ex-wife Sadie Frost is on board the Save Jude's Hair train. She's said to be "encouraging him to seek advice from experts in Chinese medicine, homeopathy and acupuncture." How exactly a Chinese healer will go about growing strands up there is beyond us, but we do have to applaud Law for prancing about with such a strange hairline in public. We can only hope he doesn't pull a complete Costanza and buy one of those Trump-like flyaway tops. We'd have to make like Elaine and track him down, rip it off his gorgeous head, and throw it out the nearest window.

[Photo credits: Rex, Scope via Daily Mail]

• LAW OF DIMINISHING FRINGES: JUDE LAW REVEALS HIS RAPIDLY RECEDING HAIRLINE [Daily Mail]

He was my mentor, my partner and, most of all, my brother. The grace, joy and tenderness he brought to his films were symbolic of his life and the many people he touched. There are many personal and professional moments we have shared together and I will treasure them for the rest of my life."

Jude Law, who co-starred in Minghella's The Talented Mr. Ripley, Cold Mountain and Breaking and Entering, described to The Guardian "a sweet, warm, bright and funny man" who "made work feel like fun." He also kept work in the family, with his actor son Max currently on location in Malta shooting Agora with The Others filmmaker Alejandro Amenabar and his daughter Hannah recently signing on as production boss at Sony Pictures Animation.

In addition to winning an Oscar for directing The English Patient and earning adapted screenplay nominations for that film, Ripley and Cold Mountain, he also directed the opera Madame Butterfly in both London and New York and was set to return to Gotham for more Met libretto-writing duties at an unspecified future date.

We still have unanswered questions, however, about Minghella's segment of New York, I Love You, a short-film anthology surely no longer best known for the travails of Natalie Portman and her doomed Hasidic co-star. Reached by Defamer via phone this morning, a staffer at the film's Beverly Hills production company Beneroya Pictures declined comment on the status or prognosis of Minghella's short or how his death affects the remaining entries.

We'll stay on this just as we wish Minghella's family the best; we hope you'll do both as well.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Anthony Minghella Dies at 54 [Source]
• Oscar-winning director Minghella dead [The Guardian]

• Law arrested over alleged attack [BBC News]