Josh Hartnett, Eva Mendes, and Ben Kingsley had been attached to the project. Writer-director Jonathan Jakubowicz told Variety:

We wanted to shoot in the city of Culiacan in Sinaloa, northern Mexico, the epicenter of the drug wars, but it just wasn't possible. The world should pray for peace in Mexico.

Ah yes, prayer, that familiar habit of Hollywood. Here's another idea: Why doesn't Tinseltown try moderating its habit of snorting the entirety of Peru up its nose? Mexican gangsters would have no business smuggling drugs across the border if the demand weren't there. Mendes did a stint in rehab last year, which we claimed was research for her role as a Spanish drug lord in Queen of the South. Now that the movie's cancelled, what's her excuse?

Boomp3.com

Going for the quirky (yet hunky) nerd look, popular actor of stage and screen Josh Hartnett attempted to make a clean getaway not only from a London nightclub, but actress Mischa Barton as well. Hartnett said, “She seems like a great gal and all, but I’m just too focused on my craft these days. Hence, the nerdy glasses.” Barton hollered at Hartnett to get his attention, but the dedicated actor would not heed Barton’s advances. Barton said, “He’s so brooding and deep and why doesn’t he want to hang out with me?”

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Yeah, right — we've known our share of scheming limeys in our time, and that silence was clearly just a front for plotting the inevitable procural and sale of said tape to the highest bidder. And right on cue, the Paramount Pictures of celebrity sex-tape distributors made it clear what those terms might be:

Adult production company Red Light District is offering $500,000 for the rights to distribute a video of actor Josh Harnett having sex with an unidentified female friend in a London hotel library. ...

“[W]e encourage the owners of the tape to bring it to us,” said David Joseph, CEO of Red Light District. “Josh shouldn’t be embarrassed. As we’ve seen with Paris Hilton, these tapes can make a career not hurt it and since Josh is considered a sex symbol, we would expect women to help increase sales.”

We wouldn't go that far, but you could reasonably call the film a potential win-win all around: Red Light gets its masterpiece; an anonymous schlub in London gets paid; and Hartnett gets his leading-man role to end all leading-man roles. No more Black Dahlia embarrassments here — this is Dustin Diamond and Verne Troyer territory, the realm where stars are born, liens are paid and dirty sanchezes are handed out like candy. And 30 years from now? If Hartnett plays his cards right, the porn-icon treatment in Time Magazine. A guy can dream, after all — and someone out there can help. You know who you are.

• Oops! Hartnett accidentally stars in sex tape [MSNBC]
• Red Light District Offers $500,000 for Josh Hartnett Sex Vid [AVN]

boomp3.com

Hunky actor Josh Hartnett stopped by the New York Stock Exchange hoping to boost morale. Hartnett had noticed that the market recently has taken a tumble and thought maybe he could cheer up the men on the floor. Hartnett said, "I just saw that things were going rough and I thought maybe I could turn the market around." Hartnett hopes his appearance at the exchange will make investing seem cooler to a younger demographic. Hartnett added, "It's okay to save for the future, guys. That trip to Cabo can wait."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

At the afterparty for his latest film, Josh Hartnett managed to crack a slight smile as he saw Kirsten Dunst tucked away in a corner. Hartnett slowly lumbered across the room and over to an increasingly uncomfortable Dunst. Hartnett expressed his gratitude to Dunst for coming out to the party and in a very faint whisper said that it meant a lot to him. Dunst nodded as she looked for an escape from the conversation. Lucky for Dunst, her Elizabethtown co-star Susan Sarandon walked by at that exact moment. Dunst grabbed Sarandon by the shoulder and began to talk a mile a minute about what happened with the 2005 Cameron Crowe film.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

We'll let our informant take the floor and set the pre-Hartnett scene for us:

"Kirsten came in on the early side with a matching blonde wingwoman, and she definitely didn't look like the dirty-haired slob most sightings have depicted her as. She was bubbly, giggly, bouncing from friend to friend near the bar and enjoying the music upstairs. At one point she asked me for a cigarette and a light, so I handed her one, but before I could fetch a lighter, some heroic hipster-y looking guy swept up and took over celebrity cigarette lighting responsibilities. She was smiley all night, wearing a girly grunge flannel shirt and skinny jeans. The Olsen twin came in with a huge posse around the same time, but the two stars didn't say a word to each other all night. The MK/Ashley hybrid planted herself by the DJ's booth and chain-smoked all night while hush-hush gossiping with a tight group of friends."

But it seems that as soon as master thespian Josh showed up around 1am, Dunst abandoned her cigarette bumming and devoted all her attention to the newly shaven star:

"As soon as Josh came in with a couple of wingmen of his own, Kirsten went straight towards him and spent a good half hour laughing and chatting him up by the bar — their faces were so close, they might as well have been eskimo-kissing. And even though Kirsten followed Josh whenever he changed rooms, up the stairs when he went up to survey the dance floor still lorded over by the seated Olsen, and down the stairs when he needed a refill, he was definitely reciprocating. The one non-nauseating sight? Didn't see Dunst take one sip of anything. MK/Olsen/Whichever, on the other hand..."

The icing on the cake? Another source tells us, "My friend saw Josh and Kirsten leave together." And somehow we doubt all that flirting didn't end with a handshake on the curb.

[Photo credit: Getty]

• SPIN ME [NYP]

Amanda Peet: Even a Neil Simon script and eye candy provided in the form of Patrick Wilson couldn’t save Peet’s 2006 role in Barefoot In The Park from critical ridicule and a very brief run. The NY Times equated the theatergoer’s experience to watching paint dry, and said of her performance: "She's trying, really hard, to be funny and freewheeling, but it hurts.” Ouch.

Kathleen Turner: You would think no one could dare attempt to reincarnate The Graduate's Mrs. Robinson other than Nicolas Cage defamer Kathleen Turner. The husky voice, the stiff hair, the scent of desperation — all right up Turner’s alley. Sadly, the dame spent most of her off-stage time downing vodka and passing out on the theater’s bathroom floor. Watching Luke Perry fondle the elderly is painful enough — watching him fondle the elderly and unconscious? Impossible.

Denzel Washington: Denzel’s 2005 appearance as Julius Caesar wasn’t a flop per se, but, as is the case with too many of his movies, making a whole bunch of money does not a success make. Fanfare ensured the limited run filled seats, but reviews handily laid out the Unwelcome Mat for the unimpressive star on the Great White Way.

David Schwimmer: The NYT struck again, ripping to shreds Schwimmer’s attempt to erase Ross Gellar from our scarred memories by making his Broadway debut in a heavy military revival. Labeled a bland “pouty puppy,” Schwimmer didn’t let the swift exit of The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial deter him from killing off The Producers opposite the wildly high-regarded vocal talents of Larry David.

Julia Roberts: When being called a “lamppost” is the highlight of your critical fallout, you know it’s time to tidy up the stage and quickly put your total failure of a Broadway debut to bed. But not Julia Roberts! “Hated” by reviewers, unable to sell tickets for half of their going rate, Roberts’ blindingly bright star power dimmed considerably for what felt like the first time after boldly starring in Three Days Of Rain.

• HARTNETT TO STAR IN 'RAIN MAN' AS THE UN-RETARDED ONE [Radar]

First, Josh Hartnett is an extremely nice guy. Extremely. He really wants to be known for his acting and not for being a hot dude. And he is a very loyal friend. And seriously, he would be the first one to jump in front of a bus to push someone out of the way.

That said, quite a few of his friends are assholes who are really nice to him (and to anyone who can get them things), but they are totally out to get their own share of his fame, etc. Not all of them are assholes, mind you. He has some good friends who do care about him, etc. Their names do not appear in the credits of that video.

Now, because Josh is such a nice guy and a loyal friend, he doesn't always see the asshole user aspect of his friends. He helps them make little films to start their directing and producing careers, because, again, nice guy...

I would just like people to know this is video is many things, but "art" isn't one of them. It's rich people getting richer through their connections, and their ability to trick nice people (who happen to be celebrities) into thinking that they are their friends. These people are not smart, just manipulative. But I have to admit, this whole gradually revealing the film on the NYT website is a brilliant way to show it...

The same people did make a short with Scarlett Johannsen and Josh Hartnett, but I guess that never saw the light of day. There is a terrible clip of it on youtube. Search for "Ham Lake".

And here it is!

While we don't have a winged woman sitting on our mantel, we do know one thing that Emmy winner Tina Fey knows: Hartnett is hot, no matter how humorous his facial hair. While SNL's Jason Sudeikis was suitably hunky in his guest starring spot as former Liz Lemon steady, he just can't compare in the looks department to our man Trip Fontaine. Which brings up something else we and Tina both know: the show's current cast features nary a bit of eye candy for the ladies. Katrina Bowden's short-skirted Cerie may help pull in the non-thinking male demo, but unless you've got a thing for walrus types, the pickings are slim for us girls. Which is why we applaud Tina Fey for looking out for the best interests of Liz Lemon and 30 Rock's female audience. Bonus points if he actually turns out to be good!

UPDATE: Nevermind!

• A PIECE OF THE 'ROCK' FOR JOSH? [OK!]

· The producer of Broadway's Young Frankenstein answers for a string of unpopular business decisions, admitting that he may have made a teensy mistake in deciding to charge an obscene $450 for an outrage-inspiring "premier" ticket. [Variety]
· Continuing to resist the temptation to cash in on easy romantic comedy roles that once seemed part of his career trajectory, Josh Hartnett signs on for Bunraku, a live-action, martial arts adventure that "draws from a mixed bag of genres including puppets, origami, comic books, video games and German expressionism." [THR]
· The Screen Actors Guild stakes out a date for the 2009 SAGgies, which, barring a total strike disaster, will be of much less interest than '08's. [Variety]

The screen stars have been dating since April after meeting on the set of THE BLACK DAHLIA, but Johansson's comments have sparked questions.

She says, "I don't think human beings are monogamous by nature. It's difficult - you have to put a lot of effort into a relationship.

"I think it's hard for actors to date each other because they are so damn moody. You are away from people constantly and having a relationship that is strictly by phone, it is miserable.

"Or if you say to him/her, 'Hey, (even though) I am doing a very sexy scene with this very sexy girl/boy, I love you and I'm going to be thinking of you when I am rolling around in bed with this person!'"

We imagine her playful Mad Libs take on explaining why she plans on taking a 14-day "time-out" Tuscan holiday with her latest hunky co-star would do little to assuage Hartnett's heartbreak, especially when she continued, "So try not to think about me (verb ending in -ing) his (adjective) (noun) it'll just make it worse."

• JOHANSSON QUESTIONS MONOGAMY [Contact Music]

• Ben and Josh, Sittin' in a Tree... [Towelroad]