'Cause the world is mean and dangerous and bitter, and America used to be strong, but Obama's ruining it with his pansy-assness.

At least we think that's what Voight was trying to say. The Anaconda star basically launched into a tone poem about world leaders at a playground or something, so it's a little hard to tell.

One thing is for certain, though. If anyone can scare the president, it's Voight. I mean, he made FDR walk for God's sake.

We have had heard from numerous people across the country that there has been some ticket fraud when buying a ticket for An American Carol this past weekend.

Please check your ticket. If you were in fact one of those people that were "mistakenly" sold a ticket for another movie please fill out the form below. Hold on to your ticket so we can have proof.

If you have noticed other irregularities with the theatres in your area please let us know in the comment section below. For instance, Rated R film rating (when in fact we are rated PG-13), posters not being up, not being listed on the marquee, image or focus problems, sound issues, etc.

Please email us a picture of your ticket stub to fraud@americancarol.com

We are investigating.

Though the American Carol team is mounting their own oversight committee to investigate every exhibitor and ticket booth in the nation, we have a feeling they might not like what they find. The chihuahua voting bloc is loud and legion, and though rumors of a secret ticket counterfeiting operation have never been confirmed (despite a recent scandal involving conspicuous paw prints on numerous stubs for Nights in Rodanthe), you don't want to mess with the dogs. Sure, it may win you points with the 6-12 cat demographic, but we all know they never show up to vote.

• Fraud [An American Carol via Hollywood Elsewhere]

John McCain may hate those Tinseltown elites. But that doesn't mean he won't take their money.

A number of prominent Hollywood conservatives, including Jon Voight, Gary Sinise, Kelsey Grammer, Dennis Miller and D.B. Sweeney (but alas no Wilford Brimley) gathered Wednesday night at Los Angeles' Century Plaza Hotel to fill the GOP coffers.

It was the second soiree in as many months organized by Republican A-listers on McCain's behalf.

"What a great event," Voight told E! News.

...McCain, however, was a no-show for the event, opting to remain in D.C. to work on the stalled financial bill. As a result, only about 300 guests of an expected 1,500 turned out.

Yes they can (attract one-fifth of their estimated audience)! Really, though, wouldn't a more populated ballroom have taken something away from the megaton presence of McCain endorser D.B. Sweeney? And where does his Cutting Edge star Moira Kelly stand on this important political issue? Should she break ranks to vote with Bob Barr, will that be political treason — or foreplay?

• Hollywood Conservatives Attend McCain Bash [E!]

In case it slipped by you last week, Roseanne got off a Jon Voight blast labeling the Oscar winner as both a "used tampon" and "frightened little girl in a pink ballet tutu" whose anti-Obama screeds are the bidding of the Republican Party. But Voight's an easy enough target; Roseanne, who's known to blame her worst writing on disgruntled interns rather than 'fess up to blogging under the influence, then took aim at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — and their kids:

Aren't you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the african daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the republican party's worldwide economic assault on africa over the last few decades since reagan? ... (Ps....it might be good for your asian and african children's self esteem to know you support a brown man for the leader of the free world.)

Roseanne eventually came around (sort of), clarifying yesterday she only meant to cite "the media's images of [Brangelina that] are smelly and vile." We take the silence from the Pitt/Jolie compound to imply it's totally all good, but in his own response this afternoon, Voight wasn't so quick to forgive:

We can never be surprised at what vile evil comes from the mouth of a confessed victim of child abuse at the hands of her own parents. ...

Her defaming of our National Anthem in 1990 gave us insight into who she is and what she is capable of saying and doing. ... I can only pray that good people see her for what she is (sick of mind).

Look, Jon, if anyone knows defaming, we know defaming, and Roseanne's Anthem was more along the lines of what we'd call "tuneless B-list ass-raping." Anyway, can you even defame a song? It's not like she went in the Washington Times and accused Obama of intending to initiate a bloodbath in Iraq. Ugh! Can't we just vote already?

• Jon Voight [Roseanne World]

• Jon Voight Fires Back [Faded Youth]

As egregious and anti-funny as nearly every beat in the trailer is (we were especially partial to Gary Coleman's slave-talkin'), they all pale in comparison to this scene, teased by Reason:

In a clip we saw, Washington takes Malone to St. Paul's Cathedral to lecture him on freedom of religion and "freedom of speech, which you abuse." Malone is grossed out by dust in the priest's box, so the doors open onto the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center. "This is the dust of 3000 innocent human beings!" bellows Washington. Malone whimpers that he's just making movies. Washington won't have it. "Is that what you plan to say on Judgment Day?"

As enticing as that scene sounds, we can't wait for Zucker's own Judgment Day explanation of My Boss's Daughter and BASEketball. Forced to plead his case after a spiritual journey led by Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, will Zucker see the light?

• "This is the Dust of 3000 Innocent Human Beings!" [Reason]

The Democratic Party, in its quest for power, has managed a propaganda campaign with subliminal messages, creating a God-like figure in a man who falls short in every way. [...]

If Mr. Obama had his way, he would have pulled our troops from Iraq years ago and initiated an unprecedented bloodbath, turning over that country to the barbarianism of our enemies. With what he has openly stated about his plans for our military, and his lack of understanding about the true nature of our enemies, there's not a cell in my body that can accept the idea that Mr. Obama can keep us safe from the terrorists around the world, and from Iran, which is making great strides toward getting the atomic bomb.

While celebrity endorsements continue to evade a stump-shy Hollywood electorate, Obama can now count at least one celebrity-parent-of-a-much-bigger-celebrity as an enthusiastic detractor—something he can spin to his advantage by hosting the $2000-a-plate "Gala Evening of Unprecedented Bloodbaths and Hope" fundraiser at the Jolie-Pitt compound.

• VOIGHT: My concerns for America [Washington Times]

• Forget to floss? Jon Voight flashes his toothy grin... [Daily Mail]

We happen to think Paltrow still looks great - the hair, the jewels and the makeup are all working for her. She looks better now than she did during that pixie cut/super-skinny phase back in the 90s when everyone thought she was so It, whatever that means. But a jumpsuit? Sure, she's promoting a superhero movie so costumes are relevant, but from the neck down, she's somehow giving us a Juliette Lewis in Natural Born Killers vibe during that scene where Mallory seduces a gas attendant before killing him.

And speaking of Brad Pitt ex-girlfriends, Gwyneth, of course, happens to be one of them. Which is why we find this photo of Paltrow and Angelina Jolie's estranged father Jon Voight holding hands and laughing so oddly captivating. What could Voight possibly be telling her? His plot to send Gwyneth on a peace mission and send Jolie a message from her dear old Dad? That he always thought G&B were meant to be and has specific instructions on how to get him back (a plan that could enable him to get his estranged daughter back)? We'll never know. Most likely, he's just dusting off some ancient flirting tactics and using them on poor Paltrow.

[Photo credits: Getty]

• BRINGING SEXY BACK: NOW GWYNETH GRACES PREMIERE IN A PLUNGING AND BACKLESS JUMPSUIT [Daily Mail]

In today's episode: Colin Farrell; Jon Voight; Dennis Quaid; Vince Vaughn; Tim Roth; Janeane Garofalo; Sandra Oh and Dave Gruber Allen; Noah Wyle; Dave Matthews; Amanda Bynes and Ron Jeremy.

· This morning (9/28) at the ghetto Starbucks on Bundy & Ohio, saw Colin Farrell walking out with a male companion. Didn't look midgety and wasn't greasy at all. I'd do him.

· 9/29 — I appear to be following Jon Voight around the Century City mall.

· Dennis Quaid is totally stalking me. First, I go to Harvelle's two weeks ago for the first time in, like, five years, and his band just *happens* to be playing. Then, I go hiking in Will Rodgers State Park this weekend (9/30) for the first time in, like, a year, and he just *happens* to be walking with his dog and his blonde. Coincidence? His dog wanted to kill my dog for some reason, but Dennis kept that shit under control.

· Saw Vince Vaughn tonight (Sep 30) around 7:00pm at the Mayfair/Gelsons grocery store on Franklin and Bronson. He was wearing a gray t-shirt and with another guy who I didn't recognize. Also, taller and more handsome than expected.

· On Saturday early afternoon I was enjoying that tasty coleslaw at the Houston's in Pasadena when lo and behold, Guildenstern himself (or is it Rosencrantz? I forget) Tim Roth sat at the table next to me with his kids. He promptly ordered a pint (nice) and started playing poker with his kids (niiice). Short, handsome and could probably choke a bitch with one hand.

· Saw Janeane Garofalo at Broadway Bar on Saturday night. She is small, and covered in tattoos that are certain to drive 24's makeup artists and wardrobe staff crazy.

· Sep 28 - Saw Dave Gruber Allen (the guidance counselor on Freaks and Geeks) at the Nature Mart in Los Feliz. Next day, saw Sandra Oh looking really hot in a retro 70's outfit at the WeHo Whole Foods, buying skin care.

· Noah Wyle and wife in the pit at the Hollywood Bowl for Bright Eyes and the LA Phil Saturday night...Noah seemed quite excited to document the moment for posterity and had his wife take his photograph with the Bowl stage behind. Where's a Pap when you really need one? Not a celeb by any means, but one of those skinny bitches that won ANTM was also spotted, Nicole perhaps?

· And now, for the most boring celebrity sighting ever: Noah Wyle and family at the Hollywood Bowl Circus show on September 30. He looked tan and happy, wife and kids looked adorable. It is very strange in the Britney/Lindsay era for celebs to actually be normal. Noah's so on the ball he's even mastered the "contented but not smug" facial expression, something his ex-castmate George has yet to achieve.

· 9/27/07 5:45pm - Stuck in traffic on S. Santa Monica Blvd in BH by Sprinkles. I took a look at the line of suckers when I noticed Dave Matthews (without the band) patiently waiting for his chance to overpay for a measly cupcake.

· amanda bynes was dancing with the gays at popstars last night (9/28)

· Was in terminal 2 at LAX on Sun Sep 29 heading back to Toronto after a glorious four-day jaunt in sunny CA. (I attended a friend's wedding in Temecula, and I tried out for "Merv Griffin's Crosswords" and passed the audition — take that, bitches! I'll be back to tape my show on Nov 12.) Around 11:15am I walked into the washroom to, y'know, go pee, and who should I see fixing his hair but Mr. 9 & 3/4" himself, Ron Jeremy.

I know, Hedgehog sightings in LA are a dime a dozen, but it was exciting for me. I looked for about three seconds as I walked in to be sure it was him, but I decided against bothering him. As I stood at the urinal, by which point Ron had departed, I heard some other guy asking excitedly, "Hey, wasn't that the porn star guy?" Yes: yes, it was.

A guy at work told me I should have asked him for his autograph.
According to the documentary on his life, Ron's a lonely guy who gets no respect, and he likes being recognized.

In today's episode: Samuel L. Jackson; James Woods; Jon Voight; Matthew Rhys; Will Arnett, Andy Samberg, Maya Rudolph, Busy Philipps, Will Forte, Bob Odenkirk, Lee Majors, Amy Poehler and Masi Oka; Selma Blair; Howie Mandel; Joss Whedon; Peter Stormare, Christopher Titus, and Beth Broderick; Jonathan Silverman; Victor Garber; Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox; LeVar Burton; Lea Thompson; Gary Dourdan; and Andy Milonakis.

· Last night my roommate and I wandered into Tokio on Cahuenga only to see the real retards from "The Real World: Hollywood" crowding the bar. And none other than a low key, very young looking Samuel L. Jackson, scanning the dance floor. He didn't have his Royale with Cheese, a lightsaber, or a snake, but he did have his Kangol hat.

· Sept 9 - James Woods and his 21 year old girlfriend (yeah...) were at my table at the Commerce Casino on Friday night. He was cool enough, she was loud, obnoxious and ordered a massage at the poker table. Oddly enough James Woods was wearing these bizarre poker elbow pads so he could lean on the table for an extended period of time.

· Saturday, September 8 Jon Voight on my flight from Nashville to LA. I tried to ask him if he used to own a LeBaron and he bit me.

· First sighting. Sunday morning at Bread Bar Century City. We were among the earliest patrons here for breakfast at 10, but the real early bird was Jon Voight, who exited the restaurant, solo, about 5 mins after we arrived. Totally innocuous - I almost mistook him for anybody's 60 yr old dad, but for that powerful glare of his.

Later the same day, at Whole Foods West Hollywood, was bumped into by a very polite Matthew Rhys (Kevin from Brothers and Sisters), who apologized in his Welsh accent. Actually looks younger than he does on screen. Yeah, kinda on the short side, but very cute in his black T and camo shorts. Drives a silver Prius - adorable AND socially conscious to boot!

· Friday 9/7: The celebrity sighting die hards might not approve since this was at a "premiere," but I'm not so sure that "premiere" counts if it's at a janky Mann Theatre in Westwood and you had to buy tickets. Anywho, at the Brothers Solomon "premiere" it was a veritable B+ celebrity buffet. First up: walking behind Will Arnett while crossing the street (handsome); waiting for the rest of my party, Andy Samberg driving a KIA whilst feverishly waving at Maya Rudolph (adorable) who's standing on the corner; Busy Philipps (adorable and fashionable), Will Forte, Bob Odenkirk, Lee Majors (yikes), Amy Poehler and Masi Oka (which in retrospect is now pretty sweetits since just last night I watched Season One: Disc One of Heroes and I think I'm gonna LURV it).

· Monday, Sept 10: In a world gone green, it is nice to see some celebrities embracing their inner planet hater. Saw Selma Blair turning onto Abbot Kinney Blvd off some random little side street around 6PM in a brand new black escalade-ish gas guzzling mobile. Nothing screams "Screw You Environment" like an emissions spewing SUV chugging through the environmental militant heartland that is Venice.

· Sunday, 9/9: Dropped by Barnes & Noble at Calabasas Commons with the family and spotted Commons regular Howie Mandel sitting at a table at the Starbucks cafe. Kind of amusing since we usually see him at Corner Bakery at the other end of the mall. Made eye contact when I first walked into the store but Howie's OCD kicked in and he quickly looked down at the table. His germophobic hands were also rigidly folded in his lap. He was with a small group of other people, including a weird-looking dude with a bowl haircut and an earring and a middle-aged blonde woman who looked vaguely familar and attracted the attention of some high-school age girls, but I couldn't figure out who she was despite an IMDb search.

· Monday 9-10 Just saw Joss Whedon at a Starbucks in Santa Monica (15th and Montana) listening to his iPod. He was rocking a single diamond stud earring and he ordered something with chocolate. All hail the Nerd King. I wanted to tell him that I just bought Serenity used for $6 but I don't think he'd be too impressed.

· Friday 9.7 Formosa Cafe
Spotted Peter Stormare (aka "I shoved Buscemi in a wood chipper"), Beth Broderick (aka Aunt Zelda from Sabrina, The Teenage Witch...hate that I recognized her from that, but so be it), and Christopher Titus (he can be described as "strapping"...seriously, who knew he was such a big guy?). They were not together. I'm still shocked at how much bigger Titus is in person than I expected him to be...then again, I haven't watched a single thing he's ever been in, I just recognized him from the ads for the new gig he's got...forgot the name.
Saturday 9.8 Formosa Cafe
Jonathan Silverman. I think. Waiting patiently by the bathrooms for a lady.

· Sept. 10 - Jack Bristow himself, four-time Tony Award nominee Victor Garber was spotted shopping at the Barney's in The Grove with who looked to be his girlfriend's mother—an opinion held because I find it hard to believe that a middle-aged actor of respectable success would actually be in a relationship with someone his own age.

· Happy family Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox with Jay's young son going into Studio Yogurt at Laurel Canyon & Ventura on Sunday early evening. Good lookin' crew, the couple tan (not orange) and fit, wearing lazy Sunday togs—though her plaid pants were a little cringe-tastic. Looked like they were out for the afternoon, very low-key just enjoying some family time.

· Butterfly in the sky! 9/2: LeVar Burton @ Phillips' Barbecue on Crenshaw. I shit you not, his vanity plate says KUNTA.

· Saturday night at around 1000am, Lea Thompson and Malcolm Gets (both from 'Caroline in the City') were dining among friends at Swinger's Restaurant on Beverly Blvd.

· Just saw Gary Dourdan (everybody's favorite sassy former gambling addict on CSI) enjoying a little Saturday night (9/8) shopping at Century City's Bloomingdales with an adorable girl who I will assume is his daughter. Because it would be weird if it wasn't.

· Monday, Sept 10 7/11 on Sunset and La Brea. Andy Milonakis.