1.) Whitney!

2.) Where do broken hearts go?
Harpo Studios, Chicago.

3.) Was Hailey Glassman on Monday's episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8?
While Kate was away shooting guns, Jon was playing dress up with his daughters, pulling from a bag of women's clothes that definitely were not his soon-to-be-ex-wife's. A girl in the background, with her face blurred out, was lending a helping hand.

Jon filled out his dress, nicely.

I love how one of the little girls ended up looking like Mary-Kate Olsen.

4.) David Rothenberg, grown up
When I was younger, I was obsessed with this TV movie David, starring Bernadette Peters.

It was based on the true story of David Rothenberg, who was only 6-years-old when his father tried to murder him by setting him on fire, and causing severe burns to over 90% of David's body.

The real David whom the movie was based on was befriended by Michael Jackson. David, now in his 30s, has lived a really private life (and changed his name to Dave Dave), but resurfaced this week when he attended—and spoke at—MJ's burial.

He also debunked rumors on Larry King Live.

5.) He's not angry, he's mad.
In other MJ news, Joe Jackson speaks out for the first time since the other times he spoke out.

6.) The poor girl's brother just died!
Alena Jenkins, the 19-year-old sister of Ryan Jenkins, was interviewed today on Good Morning America. Alena is the one who most likely drove her brother to the motel where he subsequently hung himself. While trying to be a hard-nosed journalist, this GMA reporter just ended up coming off like an insensitive ass.

7.) Maureen McCormick is losing weight for publicity…again.

She's also losing her mind.

8.) Who wants an Alter-Ego?

9.) "Her future ambition is to be a successful woman."
Crawl before you walk, bitch. God!

10.) "Limousines, Parties"
Did you know that the Daytime Emmy Awards is the most glamorous night in television?

Pure glamour!

1.) Models of the Runway
It's boring…and "dumb."

I love Heidi's reaction to them.

2.) Speaking of Dumb
Who the fuck forgets the words to "God Bless America"? Especially if it's your job to remember them.

3.) Gosselin Kids Promise Not To Murder Their Mother

4.) The Insider: "Michael Jackson…A Ladies Man?"

Did they mean like this?

5.) Anal Retentive
That OCD guy from that Bravo show doesn't allow his employees to poop in the office bathrooms, and if they do, and he finds out about it, he gets revenge.

6.) Anal Retentive, Part 2
On the TLC show Truth Be Told, people with who are obsessed with their pets were profiled. This woman swears she's "not a crazy pet owner," although she does admit to—and is filmed—wiping her dogs ass after she (the dog, not the owner) shits.

I wonder if this dog sleeps in her wig.

7.) Kim Sleeps in Her Wig

What would NeNe think?

8.) Everyone Thinks Spencer Pratt Is An Idiot

9.) Steven Seagal Is Working
Is anyone else as excited about Steven Seagal's new reality show as I am?

10.) My Sentiments, Exactly

Hailey said she and Jon are in a monogamous relationship — despite evidence to the contrary, at least on his part — and that this is the first time she's ever been in love. She claims that she's "not the other woman" although she can understand why people would think that, because TLC did not allow the Gosselins to publicly announce the end of their marriage for almost a year.

Hailey explained that she and Jon began dating in May, while Jon was living at her parents house, because he was "sad and bored" and she was, well, just "bored." (Her father, a plastic surgeon, performed Kate's tummy tuck, and for some reason, Jon befriended Hailey's mother.)

Hailey — who auditioned, but was turned down, for The Real World and Bad Girls Club — wanted to do the E! interview because, as she puts it, "there's so many lies and ridiculous stories being circulated. How [the media is] portraying me is not me at all." She's referring to her 2005 arrest for possession of marijuana and several salacious photos (some from her own Facebook page, others sold to tabloids by acquaintances) featuring Hailey partying it up, as well as some girl-on-girl action.

This photo, Hailey says, was taken "totally out of context."



"We had tequila night in my apartment. My roommate had like a little BB gun. I wasn't holding it to her head i was posing with it!"

Of her pot bust she said, "I do not have a criminal record. I took a pretrial diversion and I took a class and it was expunged," adding, "I didn't smoke alone!" That seems to be the case.

In regards to her sexuality and past dating history, Hailey had this to say:

But that's not all E! News had in store. Producers juxtaposed segments with Hailey with interviews with Kate Major (whom the network refers to as "Kate 2.0"). Interestingly, both Hailey and Kate 2.0 described Jon as "a great guy," and said that dealing with the fallout of their respective relationships with him "has been a nightmare." More so for Kate 2.0, who quit her job as a reporter for Star, at Jon's request, and had plans to move in with him. According to Kate 2.0, Jon said he broke up with Hailey but apparently he did not, and she had no desire to be the other other woman.

Additionally, Kate 2.0 maintains how awesome Gosselin is and said that she wishes she "could think of a single thing wrong with [Jon] but I can't." Um we can think of about eight things wrong with him (and none of them are his children).

So what does Hailey think about Jon's fling with Kate 2.0 while they were together? Well, she doesn't. Jon told her it didn't happen and she believes him. Instead, she thinks that Kate 2.0 "just wants her little 15 minutes" and that she is "cuckoo," and that we need to remember that "girls are manipulating and mischievous."

I love Giuliana Rancic's reaction to all of this.

Of her future with Jon, Hailey says she's told Jon "let's not make too future goals [sic], that's just kinda when you write things in stone. It kinda leads to disappointment when it doesn't work out."

That sounds, um, wise?

Well, Hailey, even though you're not the one looking for your "little 15 minutes," you've still earned yourself an animated gif.

It's shocking how quickly Kate has gone from being publicly vilified as TV's most shrewish wife to being respected as the resilient mom focusing on her kids as her husband makes a public spectacle of himself. Though Kate repeated many of the declarations she's made on Jon and Kate Plus 8, saying in the clip above, "My focus still is the health and well being of my children as well as myself," she seemed much more sincere than in the past. Kate also appeared more fragile than before, admitting that she feels like a failure. "This is not what any mother sets out for their children," she said, but added, "I want my children to see a mother who's committed to her children, who's determined, who has integrity and perseverance and never gives up."

As for that wedding ring: Kate explained that she's been wearing the band for the children's benefit. "I don't want to upset them. I don't want to shock them," she said, beginning to cry. When interviewer Meredith Viera asked if Kate's still harboring hopes of reuniting with Jon, she replied, "No. I think its very clear that we are two different people at this point with two different sets of goals."

Speaking of: When Viera asked about Jon's relationship with Hailey Glassman, Kate said she's upset about how his actions hurt the children, adding, "those things, to be very honest... that's his life and they don't affect me directly at this point." Her answer seeemed weirdly disconnected, as it seems anyone would be directly affected by their estranged husband's highly publicized flings with a series of women (not to mention his troubling friendship with Michael Lohan).

In the clip below, from a second segment on the morning show, Gosselin explains that the money made off Jon & Kate Plus 8 will pay for a college education for each her kids and denies once again that she's dating her bodyguard Steve Neild or that she bought a condo to be near him. As for her publicly-critical brother Kevin Kreider and his wife Jodi, Kate says, "That's probably one of the most hurtful things in all of this, when family turns on you and makes up lies... and makes tens of thousands of dollars doing it." The thing is, the same could be said of the Gosselins: after all, neither has been selfless enough to stop allowing family problems be played out in front of the cameras.

Kate: "I'm Still Wearing My Wedding Ring For The Kids" [MSNBC]

1.) She's good at finding hiding spots... you know, in case of paparazzi.


2.) Hailey's father [right] performed a tummy tuck — free of charge — on Kate Gosselin, at the request of his wife [left], who was a huge fan of Jon and Kate Plus 8, and noticed that Kate's stomach became stretched after carrying six babies at once. Hailey's parents were on an episode of JAKP8 (in which Kate gets plastic surgery). Her mom seemed like a crazed fan, saying to the camera, "I can't wait to meet [Kate] today. She's somebody I'd love to help, I'm going to help. Kate is a very outgoing person. Kate is very friendly. I mean, from hello you feel like you've known her. She's like a girlfriend without even knowing her."


3.) She's willing to help a bud out.


4.) She has a mugshot. Us is reporting that in 2005 (when Hailey was an 18-year-old college student in Indiana), she was arrested in a parking lot at three in the morning, after an officer saw Hailey and her friends passing around a pipe "consistent with marijuana." (The case was settled out of court.)


5.) Her Facebook boxes are also consistent with marijuana.


6.) She's into words of motivation. The synopsis of her favorite book seems really applicable to her BF's sitch: "This story is about adjusting attitudes toward change in life, especially at work. Change occurs whether a person is ready or not, but the author affirms that it can be positive. His principles are to anticipate change, let go of the old, and do what you would do if you were not afraid."


7.) She's into this photo of her self.


8.) She's into dudes.


9.) Hailey's friends are learning how to deal with all of this.

Having never viewed an episode of this show until last week, and now having watched about a half dozen of them, I'm starting to really like how boring and tense the show always is, because that actually seems to be the Gosselins' reality...which is rare for a reality show.

Jon and Kate say they're "separating!" They never mentioned the word "divorce." So does that mean there's hope? Oh, who are we kidding—As if we care!

You all do know what this means, right? TLC will create a Jon and Kate Plus 8 spinoff, so they'll each have their own shows, which will run back to back on the same night. Are you ready for Kate Plus 8 and Jon Plus 8? That's how you maximize advertising baby! And America will certainly slurp it all up, every last drop.

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Yes, yes, we know. Everyone watched the season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus Eight Kids, Several Lawyers, a Coupla Harrisburg Floozies, a Bald Bodyguard, and The Admonishing Visage of a Disappointed Jesus last night. Nine point eight million people who should be ashamed of themselves. Nine point eight million people who were giddy to see this marriage implode while eight poor halfsie children are cast to the winds of a world that will have little use for them when they grow older and stop being cute. What a cold dead place this ugly old rock is. But don't stuff that handful of Halcion down your gullet just yet. There's a glimmer on the horizon! Fran Rubel Kuzui, who so ably directed the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie, and her husband, Kaz Kuzui, are planning a relaunch of the Buffy film series. One that will have nothing to do with the much beloved TV series. It's like vampires are popular these days or something! Actually, on second thought, go ahead and swallow that maw of pills now. [THR]

No one's watching anything because all is reruns, except for old people who don't remember that they already saw this episode. So, of course, CBS wins. [Variety]

Al Pacino would like to kill you. Humanely! Humanely. He's said to be eying the lead role of Jack Kevorkian in an upcoming HBO biopic. As long as Steve Buscemi can play Fred Leuchter in a cameo or something, we're happy. [THR]

If you're some kinda fag or dorky fairy chick, you might care about this. Mackenzie Crook—Gareth from The Office, Wooden Eye Guy in Pirates of the Caribbean, and a wonderful Konstantin Gavrilovich Treplyov in this past winter's The Seagull on Broadway—is gonna play in the second series of the BBC's Merlin thing. So, yeah, homo out or have a nerd grog party or something. We're gonna be over here lifting and thinking about Brooke Burns. [Variety]

Pissing On Your Childhood's Grave, Part MCXIV: A remake of Flight of the Navigator. Probably with computer graphics! [THR]

Anyway, this will mark TLC's second foray into the overgrown-clan genre. Jon and Kate Plus 8, another show about two parents with way too many babes, has proved successful for the network - even stirring up some controversy from those who believe "raising children is not theater." But why do audiences tune in to see screaming parents and whining tots?

It's the "how the fuck do they do it — and why?" quotient. I mean, these people have got to be straight-up clinically insane, right? How do they pay for all of the spit-up rags and dollies and bottles? How do the husband and wife not kill each other after bickering constantly? (Lots of make-up sex, perhaps?) Why do they want so many kids - are they weird and religious or just super charitable and giving? And most importantly: how the hell did that woman pop so many out? Oy.

Be the answers what they may, the best part about watching these shows has to be that when those sweet 30 minutes are up, you've got to feel so much better about your own spoiled brats. For your sake, we hope there are only a few of them.

• 17 Kids and Counting [TLC]