After hearing the news of Cook's departure on September 18, Depp said that his participation in the fourth film, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides—which is tentatively scheduled for 2011 and will make more booty for the studio than J.Lo has when she's retaining water weight—hinged on the quality of the script and his passion for the project. ""There's a fissure, a crack in my enthusiasm at the moment. [The franchise] was all born in [Dick Cook's] office," he told the L.A. Times, hinting that he would not return now that Cook was gone.

Well, Depp is already back walking the plank. A spokesperson from Disney said that Captain Jack Sparrow will not be recast for the movie.

So, guess that goes to show you just how long taking a stand lasts in Hollywood: ten days, give or take. But you have to cut them a break here. I mean, we're all for taking stands, but not expecting a man not to make a fourth Pirates movie — we can't all be Mohandas Gandhi!

Not that Burton has ever shied away from computery technologies (see: the whole set of Sleepy Hollow) but for some reason we were hoping for something a bit more organic with this one. Maybe that he'd take a cue from Spike Jonze's upcoming Where the Wild Things Are and go for a more tangible, earthy magical realism.

But, no, instead we get actors wandering around in front of a green screen, everything stretched and warped to look weird, man. Depp's Mad Hatter sounds and looks great, but everything else leaves us feeling a bit empty.

But maybe this is just an early preview (thing doesn't come out until next March) and the look will get a bit more polished and lived-in. Here's hoping.

That sound you just heard? Something like a cross between an asthma inhaler wheeze and a joystick being furiously toggled? That's the sound of nerds reacting to this news: Nerd auteur Sam Raimi has signed to direct a live-action version of nerd bible World of Warcraft. Yes the fantastical computer game about mages and orcs and other horrible things will be a movie, and the Evil Dead/Spider-Man maestro will ably steer the battleship. God protect us. [Variety]

Slightly closer to the middle of the nerd spectrum is Comedy Central's bawdy cartoon show Drawn Together, which had a great first season but then crumpled under the weight of its own crudeness. Anyway, Comedy Central is reviving the property to make a direct-to-video movie release about what happens when the characters realize their show has been canceled. I hope Foxxy sings! [THR]

That grunt-laughing thing from Girls Next Door, Kendra Wilkinson, has had her E! reality show renewed for another season. The Comeback only got one season. As did Freaks & Geeks, Undeclared, and My So-Called Life. Kendra gets two. At least. [Variety]

Could Jeff Bridges finally get the Oscar he so richly deserves? His new film Crazy Heart, about an aging country singer, just got picked up by the white-hot Fox Searchlight. He's apparently quite good in the film, which costars Robert Duvall and Maggie Gyllenhaal. I mean, really, if he didn't get it for Fearless or Lebowski, can he get it for anything? [THR]

If you can't DVR Ugly Betty or stay home on Friday nights to watch it next season, don't worry! You'll have another chance to watch the show, albeit in a slightly more annoying format. The TV Guide Channel has struck up a deal to air episodes of the show two weeks after their original air date. So you can watch Betty be crazy and ugly in a tiny square while a slowly-moving list of what else is on trudges on uselessly below it. Sounds fun! [Variety]

What will Johnny Depp do next? Nobody knows! Likely, though, it'll be strange and childlike with a slight hint of menace creeping at the edges. [THR]

Old-timey actress Jami Gertz (catch her on Entourage on Sunday?) has formed a production company called Lime Orchard Productions, and they're just now getting started on developing its first properties! First up is a James Mangold-directed feature called Words, based on the same-titled book about growing up in foster care. Also on their plate is the tentatively (and fabulously) titled I Wanted Zac, But I Got Jack Black, a high school project for the Disney Channel. Everyone's grown up since Lost Boys, huh? [Variety]

ABC has officially announced its new schedule. Mondays are basically the same. Tuesdays will feature new reality show Shark Tank, plus Dancing with the Stars results shows (to be replaced by Better Off Ted and Scrubs once the Dancing season ends) and The Forgotten, a new Jerry Bruckheimer crime type drama that features a guy I know. So, congrats Anthony! Wednesday night will be a big ol' comedy block of new sitcoms (including the Courteney Cox vehicle Cougar Town—which features Dan Byrd from Aliens in America and, um, A Cinderella Story). Buzzed-about Flash Forward replaces Ugly Betty in the Thursday 8pm slot. That gay fantasia on fashional themes has moved to Friday 10pm. [Variety]

NBC has yet to formally announce their new season, but Law & Order has already been renewed for a big-time 20th season. Let's put that this way: babies that were born when the show started are now going to be juniors in college. Hooftie! Time! [THR]

DreamWorks has gone and bought the rights to the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and will produce a biopic about him. And, actually, forget that George Clooney whispering. We hear that Johnny Depp is in talks to play the civil rights martyr. [Variety]

At Cannes, two George Clooney projects are all the buzz! Oooo! First his Men Who Stare at Goats (costarring Jeff Bridges, Ewan MacGregor, and Kevin Spacey) has been picked up by Overture. Clooney also inked a deal to star in the movie adaptation of Martin Booth's novel A Very Private Gentleman, about a quiet Englishman named Mr. Butterfly who lives in Italy and secretly makes weapons for assassins. So it's The Jackal meets Under the Tuscan Sun. Terrific. [Variety]

Finally, Lars von Trier is still an asshole. [THR]

Movie stars steal theater folks' roles again! Though Cynthia Nixon and John Slattery played the roles in the well-reviewed Broadway production, square-jawed Aaron Eckhart and bugle-lipped Nicole Kidman will be starring in the film adaptation of David Lindsay-Abaire's play about a dead kid, Rabbit Hole. Oddly, John Cameron Mitchell, of Hedwig fame, will helm. The theateriest movie news ever! [Variety] And speaking of Sex and the City people, Warner Bros. and New Line have finally set a date for the big SATC movie sequel. Set your lipgloss to stun and mark your pink martini calendars, because on May 28, 2010... your sequined dreams will be realized once more. The story of grief and loss and life changes as the three gals make the tough decision to put Samantha in a home is sure to be a crowd pleaser. [Variety]

That twee-looking little indie movie about hipsters and babies and stuff, Gigantic, starring Zooey Bechamel, Paul Dano, and John Goodman, has won the top prize at the AFI Dallas International Film Festival. So, it must be good! [Variety] Meanwhile, in bizarro land, Julian Schnabel and Patton Oswalt have won awards at the same festival. [Variety]

Showtime has picked up two new series. They'll likely run with the comedy Ronna & Beverly, about two middle aged Jewish ladies in Boston (!!), and the Tim Robbins-produced drama Possible Side Effects, starring Josh Lucas. Sadly for someone probably, they've passed on the Matthew Perry series End of Steve. [Variety] More cable bad news: the season two finale of FX series Damages was down 32% from last year in the ol' ratings department. Though, a third season has already been ordered, so no worries. [THR]

The terrific Rosemarie DeWitt is joining the cast of John Wells' Company Man, alongside Chris Cooper, Kevin Costner, Tommy Lee Jones, and Ben Affleck. They're filming in Boston, so I'm gonna have to run home and gawp at them like a regular weirdo or something. [THR] Amaury Nolasco, from Prison Break, has been cast in the Hunter S. Thompson adaptation The Rum Diary, starring Johnny Depp. It's filming in Puerto Rico, so if you're there, go and gawp like a standard strange-o. [THR]

One of the many perks of living in countries like Slovakia, Romania, and the Czech Republic? You get to watch the precious premium cabler the MGM Channel. Well now those of you in jealous Slovenia can relax. They've finally brought the network to you too. So good. All is well in Central and Eastern Europe. [Variety]

In perhaps the most notorious example of a suddenly superfluous tattoo, Johnny Depp had "Winona Forever" inked onto his arm in a tribute to then-fiancée Winona Ryder. Depp eventually had his tattoo changed to read "Wino Forever," eschewing the somewhat more enigmatic, possibly golf-related "Win a Fore."


Jude Law quoted the Beatles in a forearm tattoo honoring wife Sadie Frost: "You came along to turn on everything, Sexy Sadie." The two divorced after six years of marriage, and Law has covered up the lyric with a tattoo of a heart.


As soon as Juno was released, Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody announced that she was single and looking to mingle with all eligible homeskillets by inking over her husband's name.


Instead of covering up her "Billy Bob" tattoo, Angelina Jolie simply had it lasered off after she split up with Billy Bob Thornton. In response, Jennifer Aniston finally rubbed off a Magic Marker tribute to Tate Donovan on her inner thigh.


Tom Arnold had a variety of terrifying Roseanne-related tattoos inflicted onto his body when the two were married, including one on his hindquarters. All four tattoos have reportedly been lasered off; we are declining to look for visual proof and will take him at his word.


When Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee split, she had her ring finger tattoo modified from "Tommy" to "Mommy." No word on whether Lee was able to cover up the "Pamela" he had tattooed onto his penis; if there are any groupies out there with Hep C and stories about a schlong scrawled with "Penisla," let us know.

Well, hold on to your what-whats, because according to this "What's New with Samwell?" YouTube interview, What What (In the Butt): The Movie could soon fill the urban-comedy hole left in cineplexes between Madea adventures. (Indeed, we think Tyler Perry's What What (in the Butt) makes a far more logical casting scenario than the interviewer's suggestion of Leo DiCaprio.) Of course, lifelong "Butt" fan Johnny Depp—who, as Samwell tells it, loves the song so much co-star Marion Cotillard lured the artist to the set for a command performance—could probably spin the material into further career gold, with Tim Burton's help turning the reluctant bottom into another classic fairytale outsider. Like Edward Scissorhand, except with stuff going up his butt. [YouTube]

Enemies was the subject of a Sherman Oaks test screening over the weekend, reviews of which have been pieced together from message boards and other outlets of a mostly happy viewership. Loath to major spoilers as we are, we've chosen a few, more subtle highlights to illuminate what you have to look forward to from the Depp-Bale-Cotillard saga coming to theaters July 1:

· "To watch Johnny's face go through all the emotions he's feeling is just incredible."

· "THE MAIN THING THAT BOTHERED ME MOST? The handheld cameras. Really did not like the handheld cameras. During the shoot outs I felt like I was in a video game and that took me out of the movie and it just pissed me off. I couldn't think of why Michael Mann decided to film the movie like that."

· "As for the film needing "tightening"-possibly. I'm not sure what else could be cut, but then again, I know the story so it wasn't difficult for me to follow. I noticed a few camera shakes which may have been unintentional( or maybe intentional?) The gunfire is very loud which I didn't mind, but some might think it too loud."

· "[N]o sex scenes to speak of - just enough to show that [John Dillinger] & Billie were totally connected. (Sorry ladies….I would've liked a scene or two, it wasn't really necessary to the story.)"

· "Bale was not developed enough. Thought his accent was great and he was very believable, but I think more time should have spent on his character than say Baby Face Nelson. There were a couple other side characters I didn't care about either, but it didn't ruin the experience for me. Marion Cotillard. What can I say other that she's beautiful and talented."

· "Just bring your kleenex."

• Test Screening Reviews: Michael Mann's 'Public Enemies' [/Film via NYP]

Life & Style is running with a rumor that Penn is circling Larry while Johnny Depp is eyed for Moe—and while we wouldn't normally put much credence in L&S's crack Hollywood investigatory team, initially skeptical site Filmdrunk received this tip today:

I've got a source who says Billy West (famous voice actor from Futurama and Ren & Stimpy, among other things) is meeting with Sean Penn today and tomorrow to help him prep his Larry impression - so that part of the rumor is at least partially true.

West based his Stimpy voice on the Stooges' Larry and used to impersonate him on Howard Stern's show, so he's certainly a plausible coach for Penn to hire. But Larry? Really? Like, we're aware that it was Curly, not Larry, who squawked, "Nyuk-Nyuk," but we couldn't even conceive of a good Larry quote to make this post's headline.

Still, maybe it was this Peter Farrelly quote (from a 2004 New Yorker article) that wooed Penn: "Growing up, first you watched Curly, then Moe, and then your eyes got to Larry. He's the reactor, the most vulnerable. Five to fourteen, Curly; fourteen to twenty-one, Moe. Anyone out of college, if you're not looking at Larry, you don't have a good brain." All right, Peter—if you say so. Get Mickey Rourke to open up an old rivalry as Curly, and we'll take your word for it.

• WELL THIS SEEMS UNLIKELY [Filmdrunk]

After the jump: Which Party of Five star is returning to series TV?

· Neve Campbell is close to joining the cast of The Philanthropist—a new drama from NBC, ensuring Campbell's return to network TV will be short-lived. [THR]
· "Craig T. Nelson to do CSI arc." For a second we thought that meant he had decided to become an architect, but he's just going on that tired forensics show. Just a little local architecture school humor! Slow day in Hollywood, folks. [THR]

Boomp3.com

At the premiere for Pride & Glory, star Lake Bell was momentarily star struck when she thought she saw mega movie star Johnny Depp. Bell cautiously approached the quirky Depp only discover it was her Pride & Glory co-star Colin Farrell. Bell tried to play it cool and explained that her co-star looked Johnny Depp from way far away. Farrell explained that she wasn’t the first person to get the two mixed up. Farrell added, “These things happen when you steal some body’s else mystique.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Mega delicious movie star Johnny Depp was pushed to the limits on the streets of Hollywood by a group of photographers. Depp warned that he could go solar if the snappers don’t cool off, but they persisted. The eccentric actor looked up to the sun to gain power and unleashed an orangey glow that ruined many digital cameras. The snappers ran away with their tails between their legs and Depp continued on with his travels.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Hollywood heartthrob Johnny Depp will pick up a staggering $56 million for starring in a fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film. And it's the highest up-front pay-cheque in showbiz history.

Insiders claim the movie will have Captain Jack searching for the elixir of eternal youth. But it's unlikely that Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley will return to their roles.

If the amount reported by the British tabloid is right, the sum would make Depp the highest paid movie star in Hollywood history. Yes, it's exorbitant, but we have no doubt the malleable thespian will earn every cent, giving audiences $56 million dollars' worth of boozy swashbuckling and sexually ambiguous repartee with his tentacle-faced love interest in the hotly anticipated Pirates of The Caribbean: Song of the Peg-Legged Parrot.

• A swashbuckling good deal! Johnny Depp to be paid £32m to star in fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film [Daily Mail]

Yes, really:

A daylong preview of upcoming Disney movies and projects, held Wednesday at the Kodak Theatre at Hollywood & Highland, ended with a surprise appearance by the actor, outfitted as Jack Sparrow, walking onstage to the tune of "The William Tell Overture," the Lone Ranger theme.

The Depp castings were just a couple of the developments that Disney execs, led by chairman Dick Cook, offered up to a packed house of exhibitors and media types. In lieu of doing major presentations at industry confabs like ShoWest, Disney traditionally throws elaborate show-and-tells in Los Angeles every few years to promote its wares.

Those wares include competition for Depp as the default Mouse Heir: Another report places Nicolas Cage in an updated Sorcrer's Apprentice, set in present-day New York and featuring Cage as the Sorcerer. We have 10 bucks on Miley Cyrus as the title character. Seriously, Mickey, nut up and come back anytime — all is forgiven.

• Johnny Depp in deep with Disney [THR]

Ms. Bierly points out that Ms. Thompson thinks some actors are "seasoning well" (Will Smith, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, George Clooney) but the studios still "outsource" "rugged" roles. But a post over at Sugarbutch Chronicles questions the American vision of "masculinity" itself. Does being "male" mean "strength" and "brawn"?

Just as we would probably dispute any argument which equates femininity with softness or weakness, shouldn't we also pause before believing that a "real" man is brawny and tough? Sugarbutch blog has a video by Sanjay Newton (posted below) examining masculinity in Disney films. These are movies that kids watch over and over; and the "real" men have huge biceps, aren't afraid to fight, and dominate their opponents easily. Male characters who are fat or skinny (and not the brawny ideal) are comic outcasts; male characters who refuse to fight are pathetic.

So instead of wondering where all the "manly" men are, shouldn't we just accept that what it means to be "masculine" is changing? Do you think American actors aren't "macho" enough? Would you rather see rugged, square-jawed imports like Clive Owen instead? (I think I already know the answer to that!)

This Just In: American Actors Not Manly Enough [EW]
U.S. Short On Tough Guy Actors [Variety]
Masculinity Depictions In Disney Films [Sugarbutch Chronicles]
Sexism, Strength and Dominance: Masculinity in Disney Films [You Tube]

And now, after a few days of Angelina Jolie/Catwoman rumors tailing the Dark Knight follow-up, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Johnny Depp reportedly want a piece of the Bat-action:

Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker has set the bar high for Gotham City villains, but reports in the US say studio bosses have set their sights on Depp as The Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin.

"Producers are convinced that the role of The Riddler is perfect for Depp. Johnny's a pro. He'll be able to take direction and still make the character his own. And what better Penguin is there than Philip Seymour Hoffman?" a source said.

Oh, come on. Like we really even have to ask.

• Sony may bite on 'Spidey' spinoff [THR]

• JOhnny Depp to play The Riddler? [The Telegraph]

1. The Script Makes Bend It Like Beckham Sound Like Shakespeare: Diablo may have been able to get away with now-sticky phrases like "Honest to blog" and "Phuket, Thailand!" thanks to the plucky work of Ellen Page. But take a gander of these cringe-worthy attempts to make the next "fetch" happen from Angus: "'Oh my giddygodspyjamas" (what she exclaims when she sees a boy she likes), "nunga-nunga holder" (bra) and "Vulgaria!" (the biggest put down). Call us nuts, but we find it hard to get on board with a star whose "As if>!"-esque breakthrough quote-worthy line includes any of the above.

2. Georgia Has No Cokepants Escapades Or Nudity Scandals In Her Future: As she tells the Mail, "I don't think I could handle all that fame and attention...Basically, I like living with my mum and dad, I like living at home, I like school and I'd miss all my friends.'" Oh dear. We're not sure an actress can even get her passport stamped on this side of the pond spouting that kind of saccharine wholesomeness. At least Keira busts out an F-bomb or twelve in nearly every interview she's given.

3. Anyone Who Dares To Neglect Johnny Depp's Pre-Pirates Career Is On Our Shit List: And we don't care how young they are. On the topic of Depp, Georgia gets all gooey-eyed and 'fesses to a crush (permissible), but goes on to say she didn't know who he was before she saw his Keith Richards impersonation in the swashbuckling blockbusters. In our world, that kind of talk is pure sacrilege, even for a 16-year-old.

• MEET MIDGET JONES! GEORGIA'S BEING HAILED BY HOLLYWOOD AS THE NEXT KEIRA KNIGHTLEY [Daily Mail]