McCain, the Senatorial daughter who managed to become a media sensation by bucking conservative idiocy, used her ever-important Twitter today to raise hell against director Breck Eisner's remake of Creature from the Black Lagoon:

Is there a remake of "Creature From The Black Lagoon" coming out?!? Tell me hollywood isn't ruining my all time favorite movie...

Sorry to break it to you, Ms. McCain, but Hollywood has indeed honed its sights on your favorite movie. And it's coming out in 2011. Our condolences.

But, while McCain's all revved up and looking for celluloid blood, can we please direct her to Day of the Day of the Triffids? If there's one movie that should remain untouched, it's that. Oh, Triffids and The Tingler. Unless someone can exhume and reanimate Vincent Price, we're not interested.

Halperin, who inflicted The Note on the world before moving to Time, sold an option HBO Films to turn into a movie his forthcoming 2008 campaign book Game Change, even though that book is effectively an extended correction on his last book.

The studio, which does projects for both the eponymous premium cable channel and the big screen, has already hired a writer (Charles Leavitt) to do the screen adaptation.

Halperin will serve as a consultant to the movie, alongside John Heilemann, the New York magazine political writer he's been blessed to have as a co-author on the book. HBO will need all the help it can get: Like the book, the film Game Change will attempt to track three campaigns and five politicians

Usually a movie like this would take you behind the scenes of a campaign, but there's only so deep you can go when you're hopping between Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin and John McCain. (Sad Joe Biden will apparently be reduced to a bit part.) Maybe HBO is thinking miniseries.

In any case, it will be fun to watch the casting decisions unfold, and to relive the 2008 campaign through the eyes of a man who thought John McCain was on fire the week he said "the fundamentals of our economy are strong." Maybe we'll find out he was right after all.

(Click on any image to begin gallery)

· The Man, The Myth: We first introduced Barack Obama to Defamer readers way back on June 1, 2006, when the Senator was reported to have ordered leg of toddler with a fetal-marrow salad while lunching at CAA. Were we ever glad to hear it wasn't Obama, but just a look-alike CAA agent snickering between chews about the audacity of hope. Sorry, Mr. President-elect!

· A View to a Kill: While Obama and Hillary Clinton battled for Democratic delegates, another, bloodier fight took shape at ABC: Elisabeth Hasselbeck upgraded her contrarian sass as a full-blown GOP mouthpiece, fluffing Cindy McCain at Michelle Obama's expense and exploding one co-host's head after another with John McCain superlatives until Joy Behar brought in the bomb squad. If only the debates traded just a little of their sexual tension for a fraction of The View's energy, drama and mutual loathing.

· Sarah Palin Superstar: Tina Fey comparisons flooded the Web about five seconds after Sarah Palin's selection as the Republican vice-presidential candidate. Then they flooded TV; even Brooke Hogan and Russell Brand couldn't flee the tide. Yet despite her talent in the swimsuit and flute portions of the election, Palin faded into the Alaskan dusk following her loss faster than lusty Margaret Cho could rush-order a copy of Nailin' Palin.

· The Letterman Factor: For all the purported impact Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert had on the electorate in 2008, neither man wielded the radioactive fury of a David Letterman scorned. On Sept. 24, after a regretful McCain canceled his guest appearance en route to Washington (where he would stay to "fix the economy"), Letterman piped in video of the candidate in a neighboring studio, preparing for a sitdown with Katie Couric. The ensuing bloodbath underscored the McCain campaign's devastating tone-deafness to pop culture — a terminal illness, it turned out, by the time McCain was finally euthanized on Saturday Night Live.

· America Crossed the Aisle: Sort of. Republican Dennis Hopper eloquently came around for Obama, while Jackie Mason encouraged Florida's elderly Jewish population to make up their own minds lest Sarah Silverman brainwash them. And the Bipartisan Youth Choir of Atlanta reminded voters in the catchiest, most epic manner possible that they could indeed pull their levers any which way they pleased:

· ZOMG ELECTION DAYYYY: And we dabbed a tear at democracy's triumph as assayed by Kirsten Dunst, Monica Lewinsky, Diddy, Pete Wentz and Tim Robbins — once they finally let him into the polling place.

· New Day, New Hangover: Obama delivered his victory address in front of tens of thousands at Chicago's Grant Park. (Among them: Oprah Winfrey and her snot-absorbent oratory-crutch.) Meanwhile, Hasselbeck waited until the next day to give her own concession speech, which was too little too late for those American minds already blown by CNN's election-night hologram adventure. Congratulations to Obama and the American political system as a whole — with an Emanuel in the White House at last, we can finally embark on the long, slow, and ultimately healing recovery we need. Jan. 20, 2009, can't come soon enough.

For the Obama Supporters In Need Of A New Hope
The American Idol machine lurches back to life in January, and that usually features a plucky minority with a gleam in their eye, a song in their hearts, and a terrorist at their dinner table (or at least that happened in that Mandy Moore movie.) But January is a long way off, so we suggest you try Top Chef, a Bravo cooking competition show now entering its fifth season. Why is this perfect for Obama supporters? Because it's smart, elitist, and is about people trying to make something good and palatable and revolutionary. You can root for the young upstart or the filthy foreigner, or the black-ish one! It'll be just like the last two years never ended, which to us sounds like a heaping plate of misery, but you crazy Obamanation people just might lurve it. Yes we candied yams!

For the Sad, Dejected, Utterly Despondent McCainiacs
Ol' Gramps McBiplane lost, yes. But you can still find the shambling, confused elderly on the TV! First there's Barbara Walters on The View, who, especially when dealing with crazed idiot Elisabeth Hasselbeck, looks increasingly like your wacky old Aunt Minerva did that time the whole ostrich-farm-in-New-Mexico idea squawkily blew up in her face. There is also Colonel Tigh on Battlestar Galactica (a very good show ABOUT POLITICS that returns this winter) who looks exactly like McKrang. Also sometimes Jessica Walter shows up, drunk and glorious, on the abysmally dreadful 90210 redux, and Anne Archer (who is 61! she now counts as an old!) is on that show about rich people or something, Privileged. I'm sure she gets befuddled sometimes! And, of course, there's the ultimate rage-simmering-just-beneath-the-surface old person, Larry King. Who is still on primetime! Yeah it's sorta newsy, but suspenders! You can also remember McCain's Navy days on the show NCIS, which is about grizzled Navy people solving crimes and blowing things up. Much like McCain's administration would have been. Sigh.

For the Real America
Are you someone who is sad that "Inuit Legend" Barbie Doll Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin won't be tarting up the Capitol with her folksy views on making rape victims construct the courthouse in which their case will be tried with their bare hands or sending all gay people out onto an ice floe and then setting the whole pile ablaze with a flaming arrow? Well, fret and boo hoo no more, because there is still The Hills! The blubbery reality sluice features Heidi Montag, who, much like Ms. Palin, is a hollow, media-tested husk of a McCain supporter from the frozen North. There is also Stylista, a disastrous competition show in which a woman of importance laboriously spews wooden catchphrases and buzz terms, to the cold delight of her clueless, adoring public. Those ought to hold you over until 2012, when the Empire (Waist Inaugural Gown Now Gathering Dust In The Closet) Strikes Back.

For The Fervent Joe Biden Supporters
Um... Della (Reese), where are you? If you liked Biden a lot, you'd probably enjoy Brothers & Sisters, which is about decent people saying decent things while the hint of a murderous glint flickers in their eyes.

For the People Who Voted "Yes" On Prop H8
If you are scared of married gay people because they will buttsex your children while teaching them about evolution and then burn down your church and put your minister in rape jail if you aren't careful, then you might enjoy Grey's Anatomy. You see they had a lesbo character on the show (played by the endlessly talented Brooke Smith) but then they kicked the dyke off 'cause she was just too darn gay. See, it's fine when they exist in your periphery and you can nod your head in approval in front of your more enlightened friends so you seem like a good person, but when they start stealing airtime from your precious McDreamy/Whispering Idiot lurve story or the People With Annoying Names Club (Izzie!), then it's gotta stop. Enjoy the H8terade.

So there you go. Television that's just like the political campaign that you and the cable news nets are going to miss so dearly. It's not the same, I know. But hopefully it'll do. Which is exactly what they said to Howard Dean when they asked him to chair the DNC! Politics!

• Is Cindy McCain a Hitchcock Blonde? [Gabe's Declaration of Principles]

• Listen to Chris Rock at Tampa Obama rally [TampaBay.com]

McCain was game throughout the cold open, a QVC ad that spoofed his inability to match Obama's major network infomercial. Unfortunately for the candidate, his willingness to self-deprecate (with wife Cindy along for the ride as a ginsu knife spokesmodel) was deflated by a clearly over-it Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, whose every through-the-motions gesture read, "Is an 8.5 not enough for you people?"

Later, McCain appeared solo for a Weekend Update skit where he was greeted with a chorus of boos before launching into an amiable self-ribbing. Was the bit funny enough to overcome that rocky first impression? We've got the Hulus — cast your vote.

Boomp3.com

A couple of fiendish film flashers got their Halloween jollies in a day early as they spooked spectacular sassy screen star Kate Hudson at popular celeb hangout, LAX. The fiends wore spooky burlap sacks over the faces and shouted scary phrases like “Boo!” and “John McCain won the election!” while jumping out in front of the Raising Helen star.

[Photo Credit: WENN]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

You may be interested to hear Jackson hold court on Sarah Palin rallies, how Obama is hamstrung by what society wants to see in a black man, and his greatest fear involving the candidate, but our favorite moment was Jackson's brief, jowly McCain impression. Hey Sam, we hear SNL is hiring — sure, there's that whole racial barrier thing, but that hasn't stopped Fred Armisen from playing Obama, has it?

• SAMUEL L. JACKSON TALKS OBAMA [Hollywood Outbreak]

"I was getting contacted by so many people regarding the plight of young pregnancy that I was beginning to think I was the leading obstetrician in this country or something," Diablo said at the MTV Networks Election Effect Panel Discussion in NYC.

She laughed off questions about her teen comedy "glamorizing teen pregnancy."

"If I would have know that I wielded that kind of power, I would have written a movie called Don't Vote for McCain," Diablo joked.

Later, Cody opined on Sarah Palin:

"I think Sarah Palin is creepy actually," Diablo says. "Creepier than McCain. But you know I think my beliefs have been very liberal my entire life, so naturally I'm voting for Obama. I used to think that McCain wouldn't make a bad President to be honest, but I think this election has exposed so much ugliness that its just cemented my beliefs."

Perhaps if Sarah Palin traded in her rimless Kawasakis for a pair of pink, heart-shaped sunglasses, the Republican ticket could see eye-to-eyewear with the Oscar-winning writer, but until that day comes, it appears that Cody is firmly on Team Letterman. And John? Don't even attempt a rebuttal. Diablo is simply better at this than you.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Diablo Cody: Influence Broker? [OK!]

Things started to get somewhat heated just before the first commercial break, when Letterman clearly surprised McCain by meeting his Ayers reference with a question about McCain's association with Watergate criminal G. Gordon Liddy. As McCain struggled to figure out a response (eventually, he decided to embrace Liddy), Letterman pricelessly threw to commercial, leaving the candidate stranded. Also, Letterman? Not that confident in Sarah Palin's ability to lead! Peruse some of these highlights and see for yourself. [CBS]

Mr. Letterman got right to it: “So what happened?”

Mr. McCain answered: “I screwed up.”

...Mr. McCain added: “I haven’t had so much fun since my last interrogation.”

As Mr. Letterman pressed for details, Mr. McCain repeated the “screwed up” line.

Mr. Letterman segued, saying “I’m willing to put this behind us.” Mr. McCain observed that “there’s going to be a kind of sad feeling around here when the election takes place.”

Still, the appearance wasn't simply a reconciliation. Letterman hit McCain hard on two subjects:

Asked by Mr. Letterman whether Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska was his “first choice” for vice president, Mr. McCain said “absolutely.” He added: “I didn’t know her well at all. I knew her reputation.”

Mr. Letterman pressed Mr. McCain on Ms. Palin’s preparation for the office of president, and asked whether she was “the woman to lead us through the next 9/11 attack.”

...Then Mr. Letterman raised Mr. McCain’s relationship with G. Gordon Liddy. “I’ve met him,” Mr. McCain said. After a segment break, he followed up: “I know Gordon Liddy. He paid his debt, he went to prison, he paid his debt.”

Will this appearance be enough to quell the blows that Letterman has rained down on McCain over the last month? Naturally, we'll have video for you as soon as it becomes available; until then, camp out and get some popcorn ready (sure, it's carbs around midnight, but can't you make an exception just this once?).

• McCain to Letterman: ‘I Screwed Up’ [NY Times]

Boomp3.com

One time television star Mischa Barton visited a West Hollywood liquor store to finally a bit of prep work for her presidential debate party on Wednesday night. Barton felt that the 18 pack would get her guests through the first 18 times Republican nominee John McCain says, “my friends,” and/or “maverick.” Barton said, “McCain seems pretty aware that he’s becoming a parody of himself. So, he might introduce a new catch phrase or buzz word to ruin our drinking game. Like supercalifragilisticexipialidocious.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

At this point, should McCain cut his losses and abandon renegotiations with Letterman, knowing full well he's likely to be slammed to his face if he finally put in his guest appearance? Or does he have no choice but to stop the Late Night bleeding by any means necessary? Ladies and gentlemen, the McCain/Letterman War of '08 has officially resumed after collapsed talks. Stock up on your munitions now.

• Late Show [CBS]

And—much like the gay-cowboy motif into its third month of YouTube mashups—just when you think you've snorted out your last nose-chuckle at the congenial flautist's antics, along comes one more to tickle your funny places. We offer as evidence the recent (OK, fine, it ran a week ago, but we're having trouble staying up past 9 p.m. lately) appearance of Betty White on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, in which she affected the guise of a speech writer for superannuated candidate John McCain. The money shot, of course, is her succinct assessment of his running mate—"That is one crazy bitch!"—before segueing into a lip-smacking meditation on the Democratic challenger that almost makes us wonder if the former Golden Girl hasn't been lingering in the far corners of Craigslist lately.

• Late Late Show [CBS]

Answer: Awkwardly! Without Tina Fey on board or even the much-rumored Sarah Palin-as-Fey meta explosion, SNL's attempt at a presidential debate skit underwhelmed almost as much as the actual debate. Even guest appearances by Bill Murray and Chris Parnell couldn't quite mask the fact that after weeks of mining rich, varied material, SNL returned to its "beat one single joke into the ground over nine minutes" roots. In this case, it was the premise that Tom Brokaw didn't allow the debaters enough time to make interesting points. Laughing yet? Then the entire sketch awaits you below!

• Saturday Night Live [NBC]