You know exactly what we're talking about: well-meaning, fragile, cerebral, maladjusted boys with an anemic sexual persona and child-like notions about women. It was cute for a while! And we certainly needed someone besides Matthew McConaughey to fill our wasted nights. But now ladies in their twenties are stuck with these infants in Morissey onesies as our leading men. No wonder tweens and mommies are swooning for the pasty boys in Twilight, at least those guys will leave a couple of marks on you after a romp!

It's not just an aesthetic thing. It's a (lady) boner killer for a any woman who has a dark streak —and really, what self-respecting woman doesn't? These awkward young men are so soft, so emotionally naive that it's clear that any one woman with a penchant for a couple cocktails and hair pulling would shatter these precious, cutesywutesy little boys. Bring back the angry young men who could at least make you feel like a woman instead of a girl.

Examples! Run the clips please:

Jesse Eisenberg in Adventureland. Sad, smug, virgin who tries to save a slutty K. Stew.

John Krasinski in Away We Go. Cheerful, smug, bookish Dave Eggers stand in who tries to shield his unborn child from the ills of normal people who lead unmeaningful lives.

Demetri Martin in Taking Woodstock. He even has the haircut of an 8 year old (actual age: 36).

Joseph Gorden-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer. Morrisey loving nerd tries to pin down his manic pixie girl.

Micheal Cera in Paper Heart. I like Michael Cera a lot. But I'm pretty sure he doesn't have genitals — just a fleshy, rainbow colored patch that rests under his corduroy pants.

Hugh Dancy in Adam. Maybe Hollywood is getting the point? Adam is the same kind of nerdy, quirky, sort of hunky outsider. Except this movie blames all of his quirky awkwardness on Asperberger's syndrome. Fine! That's it! No more! Jokes over.

This press release (which just landed in our inbox) is a classic case of burying the celebrity lede. Enjoy!

Timberland is especially excited to report an excellent first-time sponsorship of the Sundance Film Festival as Official Footwear and Outwear Sponsor. While on site we scored great photos of celebrities such as Christie Brinkley, Tim Daly (“Private Practice”), Kim Zolciak (“Real Housewives of Atlanta”), Shar Jackson, Aubrey O’Day (“Making the Band 4”), Frankie Faison, and John Krasinski.

[Photo Credit: AP]

Today he's at Sundance, showing off the David Foster Wallace adaptation he wrote and directed with the late author's blessing. And it's actually pretty strong, densely packed with an Altmanesque ensemble comprising Timothy Hutton, Chris Meloni, Will Arnett, Dominic Cooper, Bobby Cannavale (as a sexy amputee!) and at least a half-dozen others, all sharing their insights and inadequacies on tape with recently jilted college professor Sarah (Julianne Nicholson). It's a sprawling, gender-reversed sex, lies, and videotape, as much a postfeminist time capsule as a sort of date movie for sadists.

Krasinski is fine with whatever you want to call it, if his comments following this morning's screening are to be believed; he's just happy to a) have made it and b) have anyone talking about it at all. The book changed his life during college, where he said a staged reading inspired him to take up acting. And it remained with him during his lean early years, when a lack of jobs didn't keep him from pestering Wallace for the opportunity to someday film his book.

"I just couldn't live in a world where more people didn't know about him," Krasinski said, despite the slightly minor technicalities that awaited him. "I didn't know all this stuff about rights back then. My manager said, 'We probably ought to get the rights.' I was like, 'What? That's a bummer.' And being 23 and waiting tables isn't the most enticing resume to have when you're trying to get the rights to a book. But I basically promised his agent that there would be no car crashes, no explosions, and no gratuitous sex scenes. And she said, 'Oh. So you basically understand the book.' "

Krasinski went on, explaining his aversion to a literal take on Wallace's work; he didn't want 17 guys talking to the camera, but any time he felt the urge to get "more creative" in his adaptation, he checked himself: "This isn't the book." Nicholson's lead absorbs the confessionals with blank-faced reticence, reflecting both the wonder and horror of her subjects' candor. Only with ex-lover Krasinski — identified simply as Subject #20 — do her motivations leak out, and even then just partially.

Which may or may not have something to do with Krasinski's awkward, climactic ultimatum, a broadside lifted almost verbatim from the book, and not so naturally or convincingly. But he has an excuse!

"I wasn't supposed to be in the film, actually," he said. "Then we had an actor fall out late in the process — very late — and, like a true indie film, didn't have the budget or the time to go around casting people. My producer said, 'Well, you've read this book 700 times; you might as well do it.' So I jumped in and did it, and I'm glad I did. It was a fantastic experience. But I have to say: It was the most nervous I had ever been in a performance. I'd just spent three weeks directing some of the best performances I had ever seen."

Fair enough. Next time, though? Stick with the sexy amputee. If Wallace's prose here taught us anything, it's that no one can stay mad at an amputee.

· Sony made the second big buy of the festival, announcing its pickup of the revisionist blaxploitation flick Black Dynamite the morning after its well-received Midnight premiere. The studio was coy about its affection and eventual plans for the film, though word around festival HQ today cites long-lost Arsenio Hall's "Mickey Rourke moment." Or... not.

· En route to Park City on behalf of her new film Motherhood, Uma Thurman demonstrated her trademark yoga-and-smokes method of festival prep. There goes a true veteran.

· Seriously: What do Justin Kirk, Adam Scott and all these other Sundance snobs have against Hotel For Dogs? It's at least as good as the Ashton Kutcher gigolo flick currently terrorizing audiences.

· Speaking of which, Demi Moore promises she's just fine with her husband's nude, Anne Heche-humping exploits in Spread. Then Heche showed up pregnant in Park City. Developing... [via MyHogtown]

· The day his adaptation of David Foster Wallace's Brief Interviews With Hideous Men premieres at Sundance, John Krasinski tells the LAT he owes everything he has to the late author. Steve Carell will not be pleased.

This year's vintage features another barrel of celebrities with equally little margin for error, some less endangered than others. For your handy trajectory-watching reference, we've narrowed their ranks to 10 of the most interesting:

1. Ashton Kutcher: The festival itself describes Kutcher's gigolo farce Spread as "such a perfectly tuned, contemporary depiction of the trials and tribulations of sleeping your way to wealth and success that, guilty pleasure or not, it's irresistible." Either the responsible programmer's tongue is so far in his cheek it'll leave a bruise, or we must forge on with the faith that Kutcher is up to credibly depicting those fraught "trials and tribulations." He's a producer on this as well, upping the skeevy self-casting factor proportionately with the stakes that accompany putting this on the Sundance market. THREAT LEVEL: Severe

2. Rachel Dratch: As co-writer and co-star of the Midnight section highlight Spring Breakdown, Dratch is nominally on the hook for delivering a sort of inverted Sex and the City: Three terminally unsophisticated women (played by Dratch, Amy Poehler and Parker Posey) entrusted to chaperone a teenager to spring break wind up cavorting with the savage youth. Laffs, empowerment and, hopefully for Dratch, a cult following ensue, exhuming this film from the shallow grave where it has languished for months and on to video shelves where it's likely to make its next stop. THREAT LEVEL: Elevated

3. Pierce Brosnan: A man for whom being the most tone-deaf cast member in history's biggest musical is his primary film accomplishment of the last five years, Brosnan needs his grieving-dad weepie The Greatest to find legs during its Saturday premiere — and not those of critics and buyers fleeing the Racquet Club in terror. Like Kutcher and about a million other actors to travel here with movies over the years, he's got a producer credit, which means he needs a sale, which means to needs to be on his game. For once. Whatever that might be. THREAT LEVEL: Dire

4. John Krasinski: He'll be on hand presenting his writing-directing debut Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, an adaptation of the novel by David Foster Wallace. It's a double-jeopardy scenario risking both his own artistic humiliation and the ultimate torpedoing of his recently deceased source. That said, he's John Krasinski — how bad can it really be? Wait, don't answer that. THREAT LEVEL: Moderate

5. Jim Carrey: One month removed from a lukewarm success with Yes Man, Carrey isn't traveling to Sundance to reinvent himself as an indie influence-peddler. But he still has to convince distributors and a game if cynical-by-default press corps that I Love You Phillip Morris is anchored in anything other than the Carrey-on-McGregor romance gimmick. As mentioned here yesterday, this has as much potential to be this year's What Just Happened as it does to be its Little Miss Sunshine; don't look for it to be much in between. THREAT LEVEL: Critical

6 - 10. Billy Bob Thornton's co-stars: The man whose one-time castmates have occasional trouble staying alive arrives with two wildly disparate films — the LA excess potboiler The Informers and the crap-salesman dramedy Manure — featuring two wildly disparate ensembles including Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger, Kyle MacLachlan, Winona Ryder, Tea Leoni and others. Everyone make sure you have your affairs in order before coming to Park City. THREAT LEVEL: Imminent

Taking part in Aimee Mann's annual, guest star-studded Christmas show at the Wiltern, Krasinski joined the chanteuse for a self-effacing round of "Winter Wonderland." His throaty duet gave hope to all those karaoke singers in the audience that the only that thing separated them from an onstage performance with Mann was the simple matter of television fame and fortune. Still, we did detect a bit of chemistry between John and Aimee, and was that an aborted, awkward hug we saw in the works at one point? Careful, John — Michael Penn's in the warehouse, and he's ready to thrown down.

Among those observed in this installment: Owen Wilson, John Krasinski, Amy Adams, Ryan Phillippe, Neil Patrick Harris, Jared Leto, John Legend, Jonah Hill, Martin Landau, Chloe Sevigny, William Fichtner, Ron Livingston, Mekhi Phifer and more.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 20

Went to see The Women (the play, not the movie) in a theater near downtown, when I saw MARTIN LANDAU (looking dapper for 77) talking with JACK STEHLIN from Weeds. I was going to list some Martin Landau credits but imdb has 155 of them and I didn't know what to pick. Loved him in Ed Wood, though.

THURSDAY, SEPT. 25

Sept. 25 [At the] Aloud event at the LA Central Library, I spotted ERIC IDLE and a companion enjoying the battling accents of ARIANNA HUFFINGTON and BERNARD HENRI-LEVY. Looked like ALAIN GIRAUD may have been there as well, but I can't be sure. Idle and the Giraud lookalike repaired to Cafe Pinot for a post-talk meal, I expect to be joined by BHL and AH, since they were chatting on stage after the event.

FRIDAY, SEPT. 26

It was a transatlantic Dundler-Mifflin meetup on Friday (9/26) at the Magic Castle as JOHN KRASINSKI was hanging with STEPHEN MERCHANT (from The Office UK and Extras). The former looked way hotter and less goofy in person and the latter is a good seven feet tall and was chatting up AIMEE MANN.

I was dancing up a storm during the MSTRKRFT show at the Henry Fonda Theater when a guy walks right up and blocks my view. He turns around to face me and starts to mess around with his phone. I’m just about to call him out for being in my ‘personal space bubble’ (the dance floor was pretty empty by that time) when I realize that it’s JARED LETO! He looked a little rough: hair slicked back into a pony tail, scruffy facial hair, black army boots and red flannel shirt tight around his waste. '90s style flashback. I felt kind of sorry for him; Jared seemed a kind of bummed about not getting any celeb-like attention.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 27

A day earlier on Sept. 27, we saw RON LIVINGSTON and MEKHI PHIFER at the Shane Mosley-Ricardo Mayorga fight in Carson. They weren't together, dammit; Ron had his usual stubble and a third-row seat, while Mekhi was up on the concourse chatting with former fringe NBA player CHRIS MILLS before the main event.

SUNDAY, SEPT. 28

After watching my best friend perform an acoustic set at Level 5, someone commented "Hey, there's Jim from The Office." Sure enough, I turn around and there's JOHN KRASINSKI chatting it up with a very cute redhead and an equally cute blonde.

OWEN WILSON at The Other Room during the Abbot Kinney Festival. Fairly inconspicuous. He sat and texted the whole time, probably an hour two. I never saw him look up once. My trashed friend asked him what was going on with all the texting. Owen didn't understand the question. I think he left before the guy was killed outside. I saw that happen, pretty messed up.

Saw JONAH HILL at the Abbot Kinney Festival on Sunday the 28th. He was in the line for Sausage Masters but didn't seem to purchase anything. He must be on a diet as he's looking a little more svelte than usual. He was very sweet...

Saw BRENDAN SEXTON III at Sabor y Cultura cafe in Hollywood today. It was kind of dorky/endearing, there was a group of middle-aged gamers there and he went right over and was totally into it. He was with a tiny blond who was then forced to observe the gaming as well. I don't think anyone else knew who he was, I was just really into Welcome to the Dollhouse back in the day...

It feels like cheating to submit sightings from the A terminal at the Burbank airport, since celebs and plebes alike have to walk down that same narrow hall to exit the sad old barn, but what the hell. On Sunday night around 9 p.m., the following people walked by separately in a 4-minute span, presumably all coming off the late JetBlue flight from JFK: WILLIAM FICHTNER of Prison Break, wearing athletic-type clothes and walking so fast his hairline receded; NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, looking awesome in a black T-shirt and gaily chatting with some dude; CHLOE SEVIGNY, mousy-haired and depressingly dressed like a normal person; and finally AMY ADAMS, toting her own overstuffed Louis Vuitton bag and staring grimly ahead while marching with an entourage of at least two other chicks. No smile, no eye contact, still smoking hot.

Just got off AA115 from LHR to JFK. JOHN LEGEND was traveling in first class. A wee bit shorter then I anticipated.

Saw everyone’s favorite ex-lazy postman WAYNE KNIGHT at the Vendome Liquors in Toluca Lake on Sunday evening. Would have liked to say hi, but he was busy getting advice on red wine from one of the employees. Oh well.

MONDAY, SEPT. 29

RYAN PHILLIPPE with BFF and business partner BRECKIN MEYER at Nate 'n Al's in BH on Saturday morning.

Where were we? Ah yes, we finally got to see ... Jim pop the question to Pam! And don’t let the fact that it happened on a dingy highway rest stop in the middle of a rainstorm fool you, it was totes romantic. Not quite as romantic as that Tim and Dawn kiss from the original British Office Christmas Special, but still, pretty good. Get your Kleenex ready and check it out.

• The Office [NBC]

Sure, there are advocates for McSwimmin', but how about John Krasinski, who plenty of fans of The Office might like to see wearing a hydrodynamic speedo for two hours? However, if producers are willing to take a Todd Haynes-inspired flight of fancy, might we also recommend Will Smith? He's got the ears and the toned body, and we have no trouble imagining him as he mows down a fleet of zombie swimmers, accompanied by nothing but his trusty goldfish (and, of course, his loneliness).

• Olympic stars struggle in showbiz [THR]

We didn’t think it was possible, but the insanely dateable John Krasinski is not looking so hot these days. Due to an upcoming role in the Sam Mendes-directed Farlanders, John is sporting a nasty beard that resembles something one of the Geico cavemen would wear. And while we’d never judge an actor for tossing out their razors for months for the sake of their craft, this terrible beard inspired us to take a look back at the most cringeworthy facial hair in cinematic history. From one actor’s frizzy salt-and-pepper rat's nest to one mustache’s journey inside another man’s taint, our top five lie after the jump:

Though most Napoleon Dynamite obsessives instinctively recall that Napoleon envied Pedro's ability to quickly grow a mustache, we were far more grossed out by Kip Dynamite's stringy gelled strip. As for Daniel Day Lewis' portrayal of Bill the Butcher in Gangs Of New York, his Dali 'stache served to heighten the character's intimidation factor. And of course, there was poor Tom Hanks, whose Castaway role forced him to grow out a tangled mess of curls covering his entire mug. Though really, we feel sorrier for wife Rita Wilson. Shudder.

Insisting for months that he would only appear as Borat in public and during interviews, jet-black puffy 'stache and all, Sacha Baron Cohen claims he "woke up one morning and was quite hung over, and I accidentally shaved my mustache off.". But topping our list of the most horrendous facial hair grown for a movie role is the most tragic tale of all. After spending months growing out a woolly, scraggly beard for a role in Darren Aronofsky's sci-fi bomb The Fountain, Brad Pitt abruptly quit the picture and started work on another bomb, Troy. Rumors that Brad just couldn't jibe with Aronofsky's script abounded, but some suspected he just couldn't stand sporting that greasy uncomfortable mop on his face for so long.

• A FEW OF THE 'OFFICE' CAST AT THE NBC UPFRONTS [ONTD]

· The Groundlings, birthers of good comedy thing Kristen Wiig, have struck a deal with Sony to produce digital comedy shorts of their sketches. [Variety]
· George W. Bush appeared on Deal or No Deal last night, and no one gave a shit. [THR]
· Sam Mendes's untitled romcom, written by Dave Eggers and his wife and starring Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski, starts production in Connecticut this week, with the sublime Jeff Daniels and Catherine O'Hara also on board. Can we get this thing a title already? A Heartwarming Love Story with Staggering Credentials? [THR]

In today's episode: Al Pacino; Matthew Perry; Val Kilmer; John Krasinski; Vince Vaughn; Spencer Pratt; Heidi Montag; Chris Evans; Simon Rex; Kathie Lee Gifford; Stephen Cojocaru; Dee Snider; Danni Minogue; Mel C.; Randall Kleiser

Wednesday (4/2) Polo Lounge lunch: Al Pacino, in a group of older, possibly producer/artiste-types getting shitfaced.

3/31: At the Fox and Hounds pub in Studio City when who should walk in to sit at a nearby table but Mr. Chandler Bing himself, Matthew Perry. He proceeded to sit at a table surrounded by 4 or 5 girls dressed more for a night of clubbing than for trivia, but I guess someone knew their stuff because their team came in second overall. Matt got up for the joke round and proceeded to tell a tale involving elephant penises (was too drunk to remember the actual joke).

Val Kilmer was on my Virgin America flight from JFK to LAX yesterday (4/1) with his two kids. He's looking hot again, with some highlights and less weight than those unflattering photos of him from last summer. He kept walking up and down the aisles, presumably so people would notice him.

Last night (4/2) at LAX John Krasinski cut in line like he's some entitled uber-celebrity and not just 'that jim guy from the office who couldn't pick a decent movie script if his life depended on it'. Old people were in that line, including my nanna and poppa, and that's never okay. He had a tall chick in tow.

I just got home from watching 21 at the Arclight in Hollywood (04/03 at 10:30pm). Vince Vaughn was walking out in front of us. He looked happy, smiling, and well fed. He was with another guy who could have been a foot shorter than Vince and looked like George Costanza.

4/4: I was just stuck in traffic driving down sunset and a dirty black bmw pulls up next to me. a guy with dirty blonde hair is driving so i look over to see if he's cute or not and OH MY GOD it's spencer pratt. dear lord, why?!? he leans forward and heidi is sitting there in the car with him.

4/2: Chris Evans and Simon Rex at Stone Rose - Evans is hot in a fratty way, but still shorter than you'd expect (I remain shocked by the height challenges of Hollywood stars), kept randomly dancing about and running into people. Rex doesn't look nearly as wrecked as you would expect from someone who has gotten down with P. Hilton, but he genuinely dances like he's mentally incapacitated.

Tuesday (4/1) Polo Lounge sighting (admittedly extremely ho-hum) was Kathie Lee Gifford, loudly "look-at-me, I'm actually working again after ten years of humiliation and shame, eat me Katie Couric" singing songs from some album she announced was some kind of teen thing (yeah, the kids just love KTG!).

Cojo at the Beverly Center Macy's on April 2nd in the early afternoon. He was filming some sort of spring fashion segment about the color yellow, in a very loud grating voice.

4/2 PM: Dee Snider eating dinner at SimonLA looking exactly like he looks in every picture you've ever seen of him, chatting with Kerry Simon himself.

4/1: I was roped into going to the Dancing with the Starstaping yesterday at the CBS studios. Sat a few down from Danni Minogue who was there to see her sister sing. Kylie kept looking at her sister throughout the performance. After both songs she would make faces at her poking fun at her own outfit and dance moves. Actually seems like they have good senses of humor about themselves and are close. Other sightings included Mel C.

Runyon Canyon last Saturday afternoon (3/29) with a bunch of friends. We were on the way down and spotted a passel of older gay gentlemen, one of whom was shirtless and quite leathery. Upon closer inspection, the shirtless man turned out to be Randall Kleiser (director of Grease and The Blue Lagoon). The dude must be 60 but he's still fit... just leathery as well.

In today's episode: James Gandofini; Renee Zellweger; Kid Rock and Rev Run; Mike Binder; Lindsay Lohan; John Krasinski; Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Barry Manilow and Suzanne Somers; Paul Thomas Anderson, Maya Rudolph, Illeana Douglas, and Matt Walsh; Johnny Knoxville; Justin Chambers; Marley Shelton; Rebecca De Mornay; Ben and Fred Savage, Niecy Nash; Diane Delano; Tia Carrere; Lauren Conrad; Michael Moloney; and Jeremy Sumpter.

· 7/20/07 10:40 am: tony soprano (james gandofini) at whole foods - santa monica. Tony was by himself and pretty much on the phone the whole time.

· A few sightings this weekend:

7/21 - After foolishly dropping a lot of $ on sweats on a hot day in Malibu, I perked up when I spotted awesome family man and rap legend Reverend Run walking around with Kid Rock. Whatever they were up to, they looked like it was serious business.

7/22 - Leaving the Starbucks at Wilshire and Santa Monica, I passed Renee Zellweger getting out of her little silver Mercedes. She looked tiny and naturally beautiful in a little black dress and big black sunglasses. Later that day, I ran into Mike Binder grabbing a bite with one of his kids at the Century City food court.

· On Saturday 7/21, while waiting to see the Big Game Hunters sketch comedy show, tons of paparazzi we around the corner at Pop Killer. The celebrity in question was none other than Lindsay Lohan.

· Saturday 7/21: Having an amazing dinner at Giorgio Baldi in Santa Monica with my boyfriend and his family when we noticed that Courteney Cox, David Arquette and Jennifer Aniston were sitting two tables away from us! David is terribly sexy, but shovels his food into his mouth in a not very sexy way, and Courtney and Jen were pretty but too skinny, as is expected. At the table next to them was Suzanne Somers, looking like she's had too much work done, we were all commenting that the Thigh Master must've made her a pretty penny over the years! Also saw Barry Manilow coming in just as we were about to leave.

· I saw John Krasinski from The Office, eating lunch at Ammo on Highland (7/20). He was good-looking in comparison with the behind-the-scenes execs he was sitting with, but he didn't stand out. He wore that same bemused expression that he uses on TV. Maybe he still had shell shock from working with the manic Robin Williams.

· My girlfriend spotted Upright Citizen Brigader Matt Walsh at the free outdoor screening of Boogie Nights in Reseda on Sat. night (07/21). Before the movie started he appeared to be talking to himself, but was on his cell phone earpiece thing. This odd little troll sporting Lynyrd Skynyrd-style facial hair kept approaching him in an obsequious manner.

Even after the event organizer introduced director Paul Thomas Anderson and told everyone to please not talk during the movie, Anderson and yenta girlfriend Maya Rudolph chatted non-stop throughout. He did a live director's commentary, which was less insightful than one might hope for, while she cackled on a cell phone. I considered suggesting to her that I might be able to enjoy the movie if she were to rejoin The Rentals, who happened to be performing at Spaceland that night. If I never hear her annoying laugh again, it will be too soon.

The next day (07/21), girlfriend spots Goodfellas anti-Semite, Illeana Douglas, at the Hollywood Farmer's Market buying tomatoes next to me. Since I don't give a shit about fashion, I will break PrivacyWatch protocol by not reporting what she was wearing. That is all.

· Last night (7-23) around 8:30p I was walking down sunset near gower and saw johnny knoxville and an unidentified friend driving an old blue boat of a car... knoxville, driving, had his cellphone or a small handheld camera and was taking video or pictures of some homeless person pushing a cart... not quite sure what that was all about.

· Sunday 7-22-07 I was in a Santa Monica parking garage elevator with Justin Chambers [green striped polo shirt + chinos], and his wife/lady friend/female assistant. Clean, casual and about 5'10ish in person. Even TV stars park on level 8.

· July 20: On the first day of my first actual visit to LA, I checked out the Hollywood sign from Beachwood Canyon. Afterwards,
as we drove down the winding road, I saw the Beachwood Market and mistakenly thought it was just another fancy-ass house until we got closer and I saw that it was a fancy-ass grocery store. A black BMW or sportscar of some kind pulled up in front of the store and a tall blonde woman stepped out, pretty dressed up. It was Marley Shelton. She was wearing jeans, black heels, a dressy black spaghetti strap top with a chunky gold necklace and had very, very red lipstick on. She also has big, buggy eyes. Looks pretty much the same in person as on screen.

· A week's worth of sightings..

Monday (last) I was driving from Universal and in a big Mercedes with tobacco interior, complete with that damn flower behind her ear, was Niecy Nash from that show where they make you have a yardsale and then pretend that they can decorate your house without using tradeouts. Does she always run around in full makeup with a flower?

Also, it was a hopping afternoon at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I ran in to two Savages (Ben and Fred), who were having a hurang about something haveing to do with a car, then out in the Polo, Courtney Peldon was having lunch with some girl who had the best blonde I've ever seen. I thought maybe I saw Diana Ross, but I think it turned out just to be her hair twin. I was very hair oriented that day.

Tuesday (last) Diane Delano and a blonde girl at Marix and then at Hamburger Mary's in We Ho — they sure get around! (Is it appropriate here to say gee, she sure is popular? get it? like the show?)

Wednesday Tia Carerre and Lisa Ann Warren hosting bingo. Does anyone care about Tia anymore? After a night of ruined ball calling, I sure don't. Hey Mickey you're so fine eh.. not so much.

Thursday I saw teeny tiny little Kristen Chenoweth during my morning run to Starbucks. She has a chin length bob and favors teeny tiny white shorts that say "Pink" on the boot.

Friday I had a hangover and didn't go outside.

Saturday at the Grove movie theatre I saw Lauren Conrad, taller than I would have imagined in some trite dress (new awesome body, though) standing near the concierge and looking annoyed. She was standing with someone, but other than that the person was a human, I noticed nothing, not even gender. I went to see Hairspray, and I was sitting right behind Rebecca DeMornay and a gaggle of little girls (looked like she was the mom taking the bunch to the movies). Very sweet.

Sunday at The Abbey I saw that guy Michael Moloney (or something like that???) from Extreme Home Makeover showing off his iphone and perfect white teeth.

· I always see Jeremy Sumpter (2003's Peter Pan) at a bowling alley in Studio City. He's all grown up and looks quite good. And as can be expected, he's always with a gaggle of overly made-up girls.

• Review: Divorce yourself from 'License to Wed' [CNN.com]
• Previously: Annals Of Subliminal Advertising: The 'License To Wed' Poster [Defamer]

· The Japanese are developing a way to make model train sets even less fun than they already are.
· John Krasinski as the new Fletch? As long as it's not Braff, sure, we're on board.
· George Clooney, cooperative citizen of the quiet Italian lakeside town his tourist-attracting presence is slowly destroying.
· Gay Bomb: The Porno Flick.
· Paris is out on Tuesday. Look busy.

[Images: Getty/SpeakerLawFirm.com via CNN/Getty]

• TB Patient's Wife Defends Decision to Travel [ABCNews.com]