Gawker: defamer, joe eszterhas

How the Writer of 'Showgirls' and 'Basic Instinct' Found God

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 14:10:00 EDT

Now that he's dallied with Sharon Stone, won multiple Razzies, and given the world the immortal line, "It must be weird not having anybody cum on you," what's left for screenwriter Joe Eszterhas? According to the Toledo Blade, the multi-hyphenate has turned to God (and not the sort of "God!" you might moan while having explosive sex with Kyle MacLachlan in a Vegas pool). Having departed Hollywood for the more "wholesome" Cleveland, Eszterhas was taking a walk one day when he became out of breath and had a surprising realization:

He plopped down on a curb and cried. Sobbed, even. And for the first time since he was a child, he prayed: "Please God, help me."

Mr. Eszterhas was shocked by his own prayer.

"I couldn't believe I'd said it. I didn't know why I'd said it. I'd never said it before," he wrote.

But he felt an overwhelming peace. His heart stopped pounding. His hands stopped twitching. He saw a "shimmering, dazzling, nearly blinding brightness that made me cover my eyes with my hands."

We've gone through that same thing, Joe, only it was prompted by the first Elizabeth Berkeley full-frontal scene from Showgirls. Still, now that Eszterhas has seen the light, he is taking Hollywood to task for providing audiences with nothing but the smut that used to earn him $3 million paychecks:

He said that living in the heartland, he sees how much Hollywood producers are out of touch with most Americans.

"I find it mind boggling that with nearly 70 percent of Americans describing themselves as Christians, and witnessing the success of The Passion of The Christ and The Chronicles of Narnia, that Hollywood still doesn't do the kinds of faith-based and family-value entertainment that people are desperate to see," Mr. Eszterhas said.

Though apparently they're not that desperate — after all, the Narnia sequel Prince Caspian barely grossed half of the haul for The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and this is a franchise that's only on its second installment. Perhaps the third film needs a shot in the arm from Mr. Joe Eszterhas — we can't wait for the high-profile rewrite that adds in girl-on-centaur action (as well as a whole lot more beaver shots).

[photo credit: AP]

'Basic Instinct' author writes book about faith [Toledo Blade]

Gina Gershon's 'Showgirls' Musical Is an Idea Whose Time Has Come

STV — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 15:50:00 EDT

When she's not involved in ex-presidential dalliances (allegedly!) and lobbing litigious bombs at the journalists who write about them, Gina Gershon is something of a Broadway dreamer. To wit, the sultry star's more authorized revelation that she's considered adapting Showgirls for the stage. But just throwing a bitchy NC-17 melodrama on the boards wouldn't be enough, naturally, so behold Showgirls: The Broadway Musical: "Originally I had an idea to do that, and I was talking to a couple of people to write it with me," she told Broadway.com. "If it's my version, it would be great. If it's a dumb version, it would be dumb." We really don't see how a smart version of Showgirls is logically possible, and unless it features a showstopping Joe Eszterhas/Paul Verhoeven duet simply called "Tits," we're probably not even interested. Nevertheless, best of luck to Gershon, and may her Vanity Fair score-settling yield the leverage she needs to make Tony-ready magic. [Broadway.com via Film Experience]

Joe Eszterhas Has Had Better Than Sharon Stone

Seth — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 15:04:00 EDT

With a new book to promote, The Devil's Guide to Hollywood, screenwriter Joe Eszterhas has found himself in the position of being forced to finally come face-to-face with Showgirls, which unfolded not unlike the awkward scenario of a father becoming reaquainted with the inbred, pole-dancing product of a regrettable one-night-stand from the early 1990s. After a screening of the film (which we recently noted is being adapted into a stage musical), Eszterhas was willing to concede that perhaps some of the thunderous-laughter-inducing lines weren't entirely intentional, and offered some forthright, firsthand experience regarding the disillusionment that can so often follow the bedding of your film's glamorous, sex-vixen star:

Grilled afterward by The Village Voice's Michael Musto, Eszterhas admitted that his movie is "at times disastrous and terrifyingly over the top" - thanks in part to its star, Elizabeth Berkley.
"Did she sleep with [director Paul Verhoeven] to get a better part?" asked Musto. "There's no way she could have liked him."

"Wait, wait," said Eszterhas. "Verhoeven is a very likable man. Maybe she slept with him because he's a great f-."

As for Eszterhas' own casting-couch practices, Musto asked about Eszterhas' tryst with Sharon Stone, who starred in his film "Basic Instinct."
"It was part of my Vegas show girls research," said Eszterhas.

And how did Stone rank in the sack? "There's a line in 'Basic Instinct' about it being the bang of the century. It wasn't the bang of the century."

To be fair, Stone wasn't approached for her thoughts on Eszterhas' bearish allure or sexual technique, though we suspect she might have returned the lukewarm sentiments: Nothing spoils the heat of passion more than having your partner stop cold, only to bracket his thumbs and index fingers over your nether regions and announce, "INT. Sharon Stone's Vagina. It's dark and cramped in here. Disco music and colorful lights pulsate rhythmically as we move past a crowd of horny lesbians..."

Thanks for Sharon these stories, Joe [NY Daily News]