For the Obama Supporters In Need Of A New Hope
The American Idol machine lurches back to life in January, and that usually features a plucky minority with a gleam in their eye, a song in their hearts, and a terrorist at their dinner table (or at least that happened in that Mandy Moore movie.) But January is a long way off, so we suggest you try Top Chef, a Bravo cooking competition show now entering its fifth season. Why is this perfect for Obama supporters? Because it's smart, elitist, and is about people trying to make something good and palatable and revolutionary. You can root for the young upstart or the filthy foreigner, or the black-ish one! It'll be just like the last two years never ended, which to us sounds like a heaping plate of misery, but you crazy Obamanation people just might lurve it. Yes we candied yams!

For the Sad, Dejected, Utterly Despondent McCainiacs
Ol' Gramps McBiplane lost, yes. But you can still find the shambling, confused elderly on the TV! First there's Barbara Walters on The View, who, especially when dealing with crazed idiot Elisabeth Hasselbeck, looks increasingly like your wacky old Aunt Minerva did that time the whole ostrich-farm-in-New-Mexico idea squawkily blew up in her face. There is also Colonel Tigh on Battlestar Galactica (a very good show ABOUT POLITICS that returns this winter) who looks exactly like McKrang. Also sometimes Jessica Walter shows up, drunk and glorious, on the abysmally dreadful 90210 redux, and Anne Archer (who is 61! she now counts as an old!) is on that show about rich people or something, Privileged. I'm sure she gets befuddled sometimes! And, of course, there's the ultimate rage-simmering-just-beneath-the-surface old person, Larry King. Who is still on primetime! Yeah it's sorta newsy, but suspenders! You can also remember McCain's Navy days on the show NCIS, which is about grizzled Navy people solving crimes and blowing things up. Much like McCain's administration would have been. Sigh.

For the Real America
Are you someone who is sad that "Inuit Legend" Barbie Doll Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin won't be tarting up the Capitol with her folksy views on making rape victims construct the courthouse in which their case will be tried with their bare hands or sending all gay people out onto an ice floe and then setting the whole pile ablaze with a flaming arrow? Well, fret and boo hoo no more, because there is still The Hills! The blubbery reality sluice features Heidi Montag, who, much like Ms. Palin, is a hollow, media-tested husk of a McCain supporter from the frozen North. There is also Stylista, a disastrous competition show in which a woman of importance laboriously spews wooden catchphrases and buzz terms, to the cold delight of her clueless, adoring public. Those ought to hold you over until 2012, when the Empire (Waist Inaugural Gown Now Gathering Dust In The Closet) Strikes Back.

For The Fervent Joe Biden Supporters
Um... Della (Reese), where are you? If you liked Biden a lot, you'd probably enjoy Brothers & Sisters, which is about decent people saying decent things while the hint of a murderous glint flickers in their eyes.

For the People Who Voted "Yes" On Prop H8
If you are scared of married gay people because they will buttsex your children while teaching them about evolution and then burn down your church and put your minister in rape jail if you aren't careful, then you might enjoy Grey's Anatomy. You see they had a lesbo character on the show (played by the endlessly talented Brooke Smith) but then they kicked the dyke off 'cause she was just too darn gay. See, it's fine when they exist in your periphery and you can nod your head in approval in front of your more enlightened friends so you seem like a good person, but when they start stealing airtime from your precious McDreamy/Whispering Idiot lurve story or the People With Annoying Names Club (Izzie!), then it's gotta stop. Enjoy the H8terade.

So there you go. Television that's just like the political campaign that you and the cable news nets are going to miss so dearly. It's not the same, I know. But hopefully it'll do. Which is exactly what they said to Howard Dean when they asked him to chair the DNC! Politics!

• Obama "King of the world!" Makes more money than "Titanic"! [23/6]

The resulting spectacle was like a Republican's fever dream of what could happen should the Obama/Biden ticket make it to the White House: Democrats stoning/drowning innocent straight women in the public square as gay-married lesbians cheer them on. If we only could have brought out Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid to do an awkward dance while DJ Tony Okungbowa played "Me So Horny." Next time, guys!

• Ellen

Some key McCain staffers are content with Palin joking about the "SNL" routines on the campaign trail — as when she scribbled "I'm not Tina Fey" on a supporter's cell phone and said she'd dressed as Fey on Halloween. But others — including the governor herself — think a return punch on the NBC airwaves is what's needed.

I'm hearing some sort of Palin tweak of Fey's American Express commercials is in the works.

While next weekend's ''Saturday Night Live'' will be a rerun, it is possible Palin could appear Thursday on the first of NBC's ''Weekend Update'' specials in prime time.

Otherwise, the next orginal "SNL'' show will be broadcast Oct. 18, a little more than two weeks before the election.

While we're skeptical that Martin Scorsese would return to spoof the famous American Express commercials he made with Fey, at least we know that Palin would be receptive to his pitch for a Boca time share (after all, her two greatest loves are Jews and Cuban food). Perhaps David Zucker is available as a fill-in? Oh, who are we kidding — after this weekend, of course he is!

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Take that, Tina: Palin wants to spoof her spoofer [Chicago Sun-Times]

• Saturday Night Live [NBC]

On the off chance this weekend's SNL features a spoof of tonight's vice presidential slugfest, I can tell you who will be playing PBS moderator Gwen Ifill: Queen Latifah. A well-placed source confirms to me exclusively that SNL has gone ahead and secured Latifah's services for Saturday's show. The insider cautions, however, that the debate sketch isn't 100 percent locked — and a final decision might not come down until Saturday. There's also no official word as to whether Tina Fey would be back as Palin.

With Palin herself now appropriating Fey touches like goofy, stalling winks, one would hope Fey would return to cap off what may be a trilogy of SNL appearances spoofing the candidate. Again, though, we have to ask: can't SNL just add a black comedienne to its cast? The show has been on for thirty-six seasons and has only managed to add a handful of black women to its roster of performers. To quote from the parlance of our times, is that change we can believe in, or is it more of the same?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Casting Scoops: 'SNL,' 'Grey's,' 'Housewives,' 'Damages,' 'Old Christine,' and More! [EW]

What, you don't remember? We've got SNL's Biden impression cued up after the jump:

I've been watching the news all morning, like everyone else - and i keep hearing about the issues related to 'teen pregnancy'- It's all related to Sarah Palin and her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter. Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.

I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them-if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but i would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what.

Maybe focus on delivering some words and policy with stronger impact like Joe Biden.

...On another note-the last note- i heard a woman say on TODAY on NBC that teens are feeling as if they have to grow up faster. Really? Because, i think that girls that are CHOOSING to be sexually active and are making a conscious decision to grow up faster..... I think that parents need to recognize how important it is to talk to their children about the things that can result from being sexually active if they aren't protecting themselves (birth control, condoms, etc.)

In the wake of her well-written rebuttal to her father, has Linday Lohan finally found a steady calling as a blogger? Her intermittent acting gigs may pay the bills, but we think that it's as an internet diarist (albeit one measured by the short stick of Myspace celebrity blogs) that Lohan reveals herself to be more than adequite.

[Photo Credit: AP]

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