Natalie Portman cements her position as Ethereal Goddess to the fan boy population by signing off to star in Thor: a movie about the Norse god of thunder. [THR]

Did you know that Neil Patrick Harris is going to host the Emmys? Of course you did! Here's a press release about the worst kept secret in Hollywood. [Variety]

Beaver! Is the name of the ‘whimsical drama' Jodie Foster might direct and co-star in alongside Mel Gibson. Both Steve Carell and Jim Carrey were circling the role earlier but it looks like Gibson will be the one zipping up that suit. [LA Times]

Shark Tank is a new reality show slated to premiere in the fall on NBC. The premise is: an inventor pitches a room of dour looking investors. If the inventor woos them, they invest their oodles of capital into the inventor's dreams. Here's a clip from the Brittish verision which I'm sure is more droll but nevertheless heart-warming! [THR]

A&E is working on a reality project with the media shy Jackson family. [THR]

Just weeks after 20th Century Fox put the brakes on Tony Scott's "Unstoppable" -– the runaway-train with a ballooning budget — now Denzel Washington has backed out! What other indigities must befall the locomotive industry be we learn to appreciate them again?! Denzel was set to play a veteran engineer who jumps into a locomotive (the coal kind!) with a young conductor (Star Trek's Chris Pine) to halt an unmanned runaway train filled with a toxic chemical. [Variety]

When asked if she believed if some of Heath Ledger's die-hard fans would be upset about producers reviving Heath's role in the TV adaption of 10 Things I Hate About You. Meaghan Jette Martin, who will play Julia Stiles role in the TV Show responded, "That's such an interesting thing because the movie is an adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew and Shakespeare passed away. Was the movie disrespecting Shakespeare?" The question is ageless. [TV Guide]

Hm. Noted crazy Mel Gibson will star in the film The Beaver for noted lesbian Jodie Foster, who will direct and co-star. The film, once thought to be a project for Steve Carell, is about a man who finds comfort in a beaver hand puppet. So it'll be a cheapish quirky indie type affair, although it will star one of the most vociferously strange movie stars of the past twenty years. Could be great! Could be awful. [Variety]

The Green Lantern is nearing the end of its major casting process, mulling over three actors for the lead role of a hotshot Air Force pilot who meets a dying alien and gets deputized into a space police department. (That is an actual plot of a movie. And a comic book!) Warner Brothers is trying to decide between Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds, and Justin Timberlake, of all people, but is apparently having some trouble reconciling their favorite with the director's. So we'll either get a kind of boring Green Lanternt, a wise-cracking kind of annoying Green Lantern, or a singin' dancin' Green Lantern. None of which sound terribly thrilling. [THR]

The Minnie Driver/Uma Thurman comedy Motherhood, which premiered at Sundance this year, has set an October release date. The movie is about a crazed mommy trying to plan a birthday party for her daughter while the crazy city world provides obstacles along the way. Obstacles like Isn't This Basically the Plot of Jingle All the Way and Uma Thurman Is Never Funny. [Variety]

Quirky comedy queen Zooey Deschanel has signed on to play James Franco's love interest in the David Gordon Green comedy Your Highness, about a lazy prince (Danny McBride) who must go on a quest to save his kingdom. Other than the fact that Natalie Portman plays McBride's wildly disproportionate love interest, this film is weird because it looks as though Gordon Green really is going down this broad comedy route. Will we ever get a George Washington, All the Real Girls, or Snow Angels again? [THR]

Nicole Kidman will star in and produce a movie version of the book Little Bee, about a wealthy British couple who has an encounter with a Nigerian orphan while on an African vacation. No word yet on whether Jerry Seinfeld will voice the orphan character. [Variety]

Everwood surly teen Gregory Smith has joined the cast of that Canadian Grey's Anatomy-with-badges police drama Copper that will air on ABC in the States. Treat Williams is wondering if maybe there's a part for a tough-but-principled chief or something. [THR]

Ugh. Shoulda-been-gone-by-now Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder has landed a Comedy Central sitcom. It's about a laid-off IT worker who leaves his urban life to return home to the small town where he grew up. Which has been the idea for basically everything these days. In a nifty little distribution deal, if the sitcom's first batch of episodes do well, an automatic 90 more will be ordered. Yeesh. [Variety]

Oh, but for the good old days, we're learning as the all-knowing National Enquirer — your trusted (and print-only in this case, we're afraid) oracle for anonymously sourced Foster's Splitsville drama — now reports that the actress's romantic reboot may cost her a quarter of her fortune. Or, adjusted roughly for inflation, $25 million:

Over the summer, however, Jodie began to realize just how much was at stake financially. ... The actress has an estimated net worth of $100 million, with at least $50 million being earned during her relationship with Cydney. Cydney could ask for — and likely get — half of the $50 million if she sued Jodie.

To counter that threat, the source says Jodie is desperately trying to keep peace between her new lover and Cydney. "She wants them to be friends," the source said. "Jodie realizes that if Cydney perceives them to be one big happy family, she'd never sure for half her assets."

And what signifies a "big happy family"? Free residency for Bernard at one of Foster's homes in LA, for starters, followed by invitations to "parties and barbecues" to visit Foster's sons Charles and Kit. And, of course, a classically Foster-esque buyout that we'll likely never know about, requiring a yearly six-figure annuity and the contractual divestiture of Foster's beloved, Scorsese-signed Taxi Driver one-sheet to Bernard's lawyers "just for the hell of it." A tough break, to be sure — perhaps the star's toughest yet. But for a younger woman and anything else worth having, pay now or pay later; we just hope this doesn't necessitate Nim's Island 2.

We're troubled, however, to read for what feels like the the thousandth time that the ladies aren't quite measuring up:

In an era where risk-averse studio executives have declared men the more reliable movie stars—and the more desirable moviegoers—perhaps it's no surprise that they are also the medium's top earners. The reality: Hollywood's 10 best-paid actors out-earned Hollywood's 10 best-paid actresses 2-to-1 over the course of the year.

Collectively, the big screen's leading men took home an estimated $487 million between June 1, 2007, and June 1, 2008, compared with the leading ladies' haul of $244.5 million.

However, in an even more revealing Forbes slideshow for the prose-impaired, we discovered that actresses fared much better in the "Ultimate Payback" category, which calculates the best gross-to-salary ratios in the biz. While a pre-Fred Claus Vince Vaughn ranked #1, Julia Roberts, Naomi Watts, Jennifer Aniston, Renee Zellweger and Jodie Foster cracked the top 15 as well. (That'll happen when you're relatively underpaid; top-earning actress Cameron Diaz is way down at #32.) Prepare yourself for Christian Bale's controversial post-Dark Knight ascent, followed by the touching, accompanying profile of how the strapping star went from clown's son to box-office powerhouse.

• Hollywood's Best-Paid Actors [Forbes]
• The Ultimate Star Payback [Forbes]

Quiet — don't tell Joss Whedon! Anyway, we'd like to extend an early invitation to Ari Emanuel, Brian Grazer, Sharon Stone, Jeff Zucker, Brett Ratner, unicorns and any other Defamer regulars who might consider weighing in with their own listicles come time for "Item 50B." It'll be here before we know it.

• The EW 1000 [EW via ONTD]

Where I work I heard a rumor about Jodie's new gf. It's not Cynthia Mort. Allegedly it's a 20something year old agent at Endeavor. Anyone else hear this?

Could the enduring star and glass-panic-room-dweller have found love in the assistant-lined halls of Endeavor, right beneath the approvingly paternal gaze of agent-swap mascot Ari Emanuel (whom we've outfitted with a stylish-yet- easy-to -manage hairdo and sassy new attitude to befit the occasion)? Our lines our open.

• Homewrecking Spy In Jodie Foster's House Of Love Revealed! [Defamer]

The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively that the Oscar winner's new love is brunette Cindy Mort, a producer and screenwriter she met on the set of her 2007 film The Brave One.

The 47-year-old star's new squeeze is the former partner of thirtysomething actress Melanie Mayron — with whom she has two children!

Meanwhile, 55-year-old Cydney Bernard is still living with Jodie but their romance is over, say sources. [...]

To complicate matters, Cindy, 51, remains friends with her ex-partner Melanie — and the two women live in separate houses on the same Los Angeles street.

Jodie plans to move into one of [Mort's] Hollywood homes full-time, and ex-Cydney will live in another, disclosed a source close to Jodie.

Confused? We'd recommend taking a cue from The L Word's opening credits, and drawing a map on a dry-erase board plotting every prop penis, French bulldog visitation, and joint Home Depot credit card application to emerge from this all-lady love-parallelogram.

• JODIE FOSTER'S NEW GIRLFRIEND [Enquirer]

[T]he National Inquirer [sic] magazine claims the pair have now parted ways.

A source is quoted in the publication as saying: "Jodie's break up with Cydney is shocking.

"She and Cydney have been together for so many years and have two children together - the potential fallout and legal wrangling from this could be monumental."

Assuming the Enquirer isn't wrong about this—and, let's face it, they rarely are—we must say we find the development devastating. For if two strong, glass-closeted, 40-something women with kids can't make it in this crazy world, what chance do the rest of us have? Excuse us for a moment, will you, while we seal ourselves inside our "Oh My God—We're Going To Die Alone!" Panic Room (aka the couch, with a Costco-sized Pringles tube and a DVRful of Divorce Court) until the wolves of despair journey on.

• Jodie Foster 'calls off her 14-year lesbian relationship' [DailyMail.co.uk]

5. Taxi Driver: As much as we wanted Iris to get out of the game, we kinda loved imagining New York as a place where you could wander downtown and see girls wearing neon short shorts and big straw hats who looked like Jodie. And, as we all know by now, Spitzer likes 'em young.
4. Monster: No, she wasn't pretty. But she had a fondness for shooting pervs, something we might have considered had they come in the form of her johns. Strictly a cautionary tale for the former governor.
3. Indecent Proposal: We still can't figure out what was so sad about having Woody Harrelson for a husband, Robert Redford as a one-night fling, and $1 mil in the bank. All that time Demi spent crying would have better spent in the sack with either guy. She might be too pricey for Spitzer, though.

2. American Gigolo: With politics no longer looking like a viable career option, we think that Spitzer could learn a thing or two from the way that Julian sauntered through LA as though he owned it. Not only did he make the whole male escort thing look fun, he had the best wardrobe in the city.

1. Pretty Woman: The Porsche that Julia Roberts drove wasn't the only thing that cornered on rails. Go west, young governor, go west!

[Photo Credits: Love To Know, Wild About Movies, EZ Entertainment, Moldy Doily, Taittinger]

• STARS CAUGHT WITH HOOKERS [Us]

"When I look back at my life, I think it has been about the search for meaning and connection," Jodie Foster tells PARADE.

[Asked] why she has not yet fallen in love, she gets irritated and explains, "Oh, my life is basically from the head up. I'm definitely not proud of that. I'm very analytical.

Foster will not address long-standing rumors about her sexual orientation or name her sons' father. When asked about her personal life, she fidgets and turns wary. "I don't think there is any good thing about fame," she asserts. "In this business, in order to care for yourself and the people you love, you have to separate your professional life from your personal life."

Sadly, it would seem whatever courage-stores inspired Foster to inch ever so gingerly outside her glass closet have now been depleted, as she's right back to her old routine of delivering ambiguous, tangential answers to direct questions about her personal life. Still, the understandably frustrated Parade editors really should have just appreciated that she was willing to sit down with them at all, and not taken the liberty of drawing their own conclusions about the cumulative effects of years of psychic compartmentalization and repression by sprawling her across their cover looking utterly straightjacket-ready.

• 'Why Didn't I Rebel More?' [Parade.com]

Or when a local paper picks up on the mention? Or is it when CNN.com decides to run a video entitled, "Jodie Foster thanks gay partner," in which entertainment correspondent Kiki King goes on at length about the Oscar-winning (and 2008 Golden Globe nominee!) actress's recent decision to boldly throw open the closet doors, all gleaned from the three little words, "my beautiful Cydney?" In any case, Kiki King says it's official now, people: Jodie Foster is a lesbian.

• CNN Video

Toward the end of her remarks, Jodie thanked those nearest and dearest to her. Among them was "my beautiful Cydney who sticks with me through all the rotten and the bliss."

Since she has always been so intensely private, I was surprised at the public acknowledgment of who I presume is Cydney Bernard, the woman who is widely reported to be her life partner.

It's not as if this was some great secret: Even the first entry of Bernard's IMDb trivia section mentions their relationship, having met in 1993 on the set of Sommersby. Still, for Foster to recognize her partner in a public industry forum suggests she may be slackening her rigid position on the matter; in the unlikely event she wins a Golden Globe or Oscar for The Brave One, we might very well look forward to a Halle Berry-esque acceptance speech for the ages, in which the actress tearfully intones, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. This moment is so much bigger than me. This moment is for Kathearine Hepburn, Linda Hunt, Miss Hathaway!"

• Jodie Foster gives thanks to Cydney through thick, thin [DailyNews.com]

1. The Brave One - $14.015 million
For a second straight weekend, American moviegoers largely ignored the big-screen product the studios dumped into theaters, showing roughly the same level of grudging interest in Jodie Foster's vigilante gunplay as they did in Russell Crowe and Christian Bale's period drama about the obstacles facing commuters in the Old West. But as pointed out by our east-coasted siblings at Gawker, at least one high-profile movie fan was excited about The Brave One's achievement, celebrating Foster's claiming of the top spot with this classy tribute.

2. 3:10 to Yuma - $9.150 million
Spoiler alert: Though each scene shared by dangerous outlaw Russell Crowe and desperate, peg-legged rancher Christian Bale crackles with sexual tension (especially with the looming threat that Crowe's stalkerish, estranged lover might appear at any moment heightening our anticipation), our grizzled heroes never do get around to booking a sleeper car on that mid-afternoon train to Yuma to further explore their complicated relationship.

3. Mr. Woodcock - $9.1 million
The weak recent openings for both Balls of Fury and Woodcock probably means that one-sheet designers will abandon the testicular imagery that was red-hot just a couple of weeks ago.

4. Dragon Wars - $5.376 million
We don't want to live in a world where Robert Forster can't open a South Korean dragon epic to at least $10 million.

5. Superbad - $5.2 million
We're fresh out of penis-doodle and menstrual blood jokes, so let's move along to the rest our day, shall we?

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE September 14-16, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

Let's talk about your ring.

This one? [Proffers left hand] It's Tiffany, an eternity ring.

You're wearing it on your wedding ring finger.

I am. I've always worn a ring. Even taking photos. Even on magazine covers. I don't take it off.

Don't you think wearing a ring like that raises questions?

Well, but that's my life. I thought about this recently: I had a nightmare the other night. Well, anyway. . .

C'mon! Let's hear the nightmare!

I was being interviewed by somebody, like an innocuous [press] junket thing. They were asking me questions about food I liked or whatever. Then they said, [in a high, innocent voice] "Have you ever written any homemade anti-Semitic cards?" And I was like, [horrified] "No!" Then she said, "Come with me," and I realized to myself, "You're so stupid. Haven't you ever seen that 60 Minutes thing where they ask you a banal question? You're not supposed to say yes or no. You're supposed to go, 'Well, that's interesting.' Because if they ask you the banal question, it's because they have some kind of document on you. And now you've got to go! And now the camera's going to follow you!" Then my dream was over. [Pauses and reflects before continuing]

My life is my life. I'm not going to change my life for anybody. I don't have any problems with it. I just don't talk about my health, my dad, who I voted for or what I think of the death penalty, because that would be trivializing my life, selling it for a magazine.

Foster has grown quite adept over the years at the cautious, playful dance of words that ensures her sexual anonymity: By labeling the obviously significant piece of jewelry as an "eternity ring," she manages to evoke the basic essence of indentured lesbian servitude without having to rely on the subject-opening "commitment" word. Still, we can't help be concerned about what the effects of decades of tight-lipped repression are doing to the actress's subconscious. Sometimes, it's easier to just come out and address the elephant in the room than risk being visited that evening by the nightmarish specter of Mike Wallace, waving a phallic microphone in your face and demanding to know where you keep your collection of hand-painted Nazi Hanukkah cards.

• Jodie Foster's Killer Instincts [More.com via Josh & Josh]

[*As we've all learned from Entourage, agents are delightfully foul-mouthed.]

• The Brave One [WarnerBros.com]
• The Brave One [IMDb]