The executives at New Line Cinema can't wait to take more hard-earned cash from women who don't care about storyline and just want to see something about dating and love — again!

That's why there is a project in the works called Valentine's Day. It will hit theaters right before — wait for it — Valentine's Day, 2010. The plot? The plot is iffy. Something about "would-be romantics working their way through a tangle of circumstances in L.A." But that doesn't matter, because Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Shirley MacLaine will be in it. And Bradley Cooper. New Line will come up with a way to work a story around these people, since all that matters is that there's money to be made. Apparently, He's Just Not That Into You proved that women want to go see "romantic" movies — with other women or a date — right around Valentine's Day.

I have nothing against romance, comedies, or romcoms. I love stuff like When Harry Met Sally, Flirting, and Amelie — thoughtful films with strong writing and characters who are forces of nature. But He's Just Not That Into You — a movie based on a self-help book based on a catchphrase from a TV show — lacked substance and soul; the characters might have well have been cardboard cut-outs with labels like "The Optimist" or "The Seductress" taped to them. And for every bad review, there was a person who said, "I'm gonna see it anyway." Now the studio has 94 million reasons to pull that shit again.

As I wrote earlier this year, when you go see a movie like He's Just Not That Into You, you're casting a vote, telling Hollywood you want more flicks in the same vein. And this is what HJNTIY's box office bonanza hath wrought: Valentine's Day. As a former screenwriting major, it is painful to read that this project is being dictated by a calendar date — along with a cast and director (Garry Marshall) — and not by an actual story someone was inspired to write.

Who knows? Maybe there will be some surprises! Maybe they'll change the title to Single Awareness Day. Maybe some great writer (writers, plural, probably) will be hired by the studio to come up with a perfectly charming Valentine's Day tale. (I can already guess that one woman, who you think will stay single, will suddenly find a date; one woman, who you think will have a date, will suddenly be single; and one couple will remain together despite going through a dilemma that should tear them apart.) But for now, I'm already announcing that I'm just not that into it.

Hollywood Has Feb. 14 Circled in Red [NY Times]

Earlier: Liveblogging He's Just Not That Into You
Cliché-Laden Chick Flick Tries To Convince You It's Not Full Of Clichés
He's Just Not That Into You: Gay Minstrel Show?
More Reasons Not To Get Into He's Just Not That Into You
He's Just Not That Into You - First Review
There's No Way You'll Be Into He's Just Not That Into You

"Your face and your body can get your foot in the door, obviously. And I'm thankful for that," she notes. "But I think it's almost historical in Hollywood that there just aren't so many good parts for women as they are for men. I think as long as you're playing the wife or the girlfriend to the lead then you're always playing second fiddle to the guys."

The stripper, on the other hand, answers to no one! If a girl has to take it all off and crack an egg onto her bare chest to come in at the top of the call sheet, who can blame her? In fact, we smell a Megan Fox buddy comedy — it's just too bad that verisimilitude has already been sacrificed.

• Jessica Biel Considers Justin Her Private Present [People]

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Jessica Biel: Hey, do you want to go to the park today? Play with the other dogs?
Jessica Biel's Dog: Too hot for park today. Also, there are too many people there. Way too many.
J.B.: Well, do you want to go a movie? Catch that new Batman movie?
J.B.D: I saw it the other day with the dog from next door. We went to the Bridge. I'll never make that mistake again.
J.B.: Why's that?
J.B.D: It's like a smaller version of City Walk. Ugh. If it's not the Arclight, then it's probably bullshit. You know what I mean?
J.B.: Yeah....So, what do you want to do today?
J.B.D.: Do you want to get a smoothie?
J.B.: Nah. Do you just want to sit in front of a fan and do Darth Vader impressions?
J.B.D.: Best idea I heard all day.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In today's installment: Ryan Seacrest, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel (twice!), Michael Keaton, Adrian Grenier, Calista Flockhart, Lorne Michaels, John Krasinski, Amanda Bynes, Florence Henderson, Balthazar Getty, Eric Dane, Channing Tatum (twice!), JC Chasez, Katherine McPhee, David Boreanz, Kevin and AJ from the Backstreet Boys, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Kevin Garnett, Sam Cassell, Hailey Duff, Samantha Mathis, Dave Navarro, Wayne Brady, Charlie Day, Mary Elizabeth Ellis and more!

FRIDAY, JULY 11

· CHANNING TATUM at Fitness Factory on Santa Monica and La Peer. Kind of pudgy and looking like an extra from 8 Mile. Don't understand the heartthrob status at all.

· Saw KEVIN RICHARDSON from the Backstreet Boys at Lucky Devils on Hollywood Blvd on Friday night with three blonds and another guy. While eating, AJ from BSB spotted him from the street and came in to say hello. What are the odds? Kevin looked the exact same, AJ was much more bearded than I remember.

SATURDAY, JULY 12

· Saw JOHN KRASINSKI at Animal on Fairfax. He was wearing a ball cap indoors and was very unshaven, like a couple more days and you have to call that thing a beard. I don't think he arrived with anyone and didn't seem like he was particularly chatting up any of the ladies at his table; I think it was a birthday party and he knew one or two people there already.

SUNDAY, JULY 13

· At the Arc Light Sherman Oaks for Wall-E (yes, I like to see all summer movies, but only after waiting a few weeks; an August Dark Knight screening is already planned) when I saw KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR, as did everyone else in a 500-yard radius. Intellectually, I knew that he's over seven feet, but until you see it in person, you just don't know how tall that is. He was friendly and seemed to be chatting with a couple random fans.

· Saw SAMANTHA MATHIS with a friend @ Figaro on Sunday afternoon. So cute with not a drop of makeup on.

MONDAY, JULY 14

· Stopped at a light in Sunset Plaza, glanced to the right and saw JAMES WOODS sitting at an outdoor table at Cafe Med. Unfortunately he was with another guy and not engaged in any provocative James Woods behavior like canoodling with a twentysomething or holding up his I.Q. score or M.I.T. diploma. Rather, he was just behaving like a normal citizen, albeit one who sits where all the tourists, not to mention tetchy locals like me, will spot him.

TUESDAY, JULY 15

· Saw RYAN SEACREST Tuesday night at the Coldplay show. Posed for photos with fans and seemed really nice.

· Almost ran over Punky Brewster (SOLEIL MOON FRYE) and hubby at the Beachwood Market. They were standing in the middle of the street. Girlfriend lost the pregnancy pounds fast.

· Just saw ADRIAN GRENIER making out with some model looking chick outside Joe's in Venice on Abbot Kinney. He had her pushed up against a wall and they were all over each other. Couldn't hear if he asked her if he could F the S out of her, but it kinda looked like he was trying to do that against the building. Even when I yelled "Get a room," Vinnie didn't even look up. I should have sprayed him with a hose......

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16

· Spotted JC CHASEZ at the Grove movie theatre, accompanied by a shorter, Filipino-looking woman, and a little boy who appeared to be her son. JC was sporting a black baseball cap and black shorts, and interacted with the boy in a cute, fun uncle way. He was squatting down so they could chat, and I overheard him telling the kid in a "hey, did you know" type voice, that his friend so-and-so choreographed the dance for (insert nameless piece of children's entertainment that may or may not have impressed the boy). Identity = confirmed. Bonus points for friendly interaction with children.

· While waiting to board my flight back to LA at the Seattle airport on 7/16, I saw CALISTA FLOCKHART with her son getting in line. She was very petite and dressed down for comfort. No sign of Indiana Jones.

THURSDAY, JULY 17

· KATHERINE MCPHEE looking amazingly cute at Fitness Factory. Also, DAVID BOREANZ. Good haircut.

· I saw MICHAEL KEATON chatting and smiling with some hot 40-something blonde while he ate outside at Amelia's on Main in Santa Monica; they seemed friendly and focused on his NY Times. I see him there often and he usually looks old, rundown, and bitter. I was surprised to see him looking fit and kinda hot. Turns out the blonde had two young sons, who were inside, she left once she got her latte, so they weren't together.

· At the Jason Falkner show @ Spaceland, one tall, friendly-eyed RYAN GOSLING. Good taste in music, very good chest.

FRIDAY, JULY 18

· Last night, 7-8 pm, saw CHANNING TATUM with his Personal Trainer at The Fitness Factory in West Hollywood.

· Ballers KEVIN GARNETT and SAM CASSELL scheming on some LA hos at Caffe Primo.

· HAILEY DUFF with a boyfriend (?) waiting for her breakfast at Aroma Cafe in Studio City.

SATURDAY, JULY 19

· AMANDA BYNES having breakfast with two friends at Jumpin' Java in Studio City. Her friends barely got any words in, she didn't stop talking.

· In line at the Arclight, I saw CHARLIE DAY and MARY ELIZABETH ELLIS - aka Charlie and The Waitress from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. A nice culty sighting. I half stepped out of line and went "STOP. I AM A HUGE FAN" much to the confusion of nearby Arclight patrons.

· My friends saw BOB SAGET at GLOW. Hell yeah.

· ERIC DANE and BALTHAZAR GETTY were meeting for a late lunch at King's Road Cafe. Both wearing shades, smoking, talking and looking rather stone-faced. Balt looked over his shoulder a few times, seemed a little paranoid, smoked more than his companion — whose appeal I still don't understand. They left the table at one point to check out the news stand, returned with nothing, and I can only hope that Balt used it as an opportunity to show Eric his latest vacation pics.

· DAVE NAVARRO and two hotties at El Coyote last night for drinks.

SUNDAY, JULY 20

· After the Feist/Sharon Jones show at the Hollywood Bowl, we were delighted to see FLORENCE HENDERSON boarding our shuttle. We tittered too much about this and the two middled aged ladies behind us told us to mind our manners.

· JESSICA BIEL at City Bakery at the Brentwood Country Mart. Looks exactly like any paparazzi picture you've ever seen of her - pulled back hair, no makeup, angular face. She had on sweatpants, gladiator sandals, and the biggest purse I've ever seen in my life. She managed to somehow look sad, pissed, rushed, and confused, all at the same time. Bizarre.

· I was standing in the walkway between the super seats and the boxes at the hollywood bowl for Feist, and who should walk by me but JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and JESSICA BIEL. Totally incognito. No one recognized them. Instead of turning to go down to the boxes, they turned up and walked about halfway up into the H section, scooted by everyone in their row, and sat down quietly. Totally normal people. It was kinda cool.

MONDAY, JULY 21

· LORNE MICHAELS enjoying a sandwich and fries at Campanile with Paramount's JOHN LESHER and some dude today. Bit of a belly on the Lornester. Lesher was rocking the Homer Simpson short-sleeves w/ tie look. Pasty white arms.

· WAYNE BRADY at Coldstone Creamery in Sherman Oaks.

NOT DATED

· ROMA MAFFIA (Dr. Liz from Nip/Tuck) in line at the Silver Lake Gelson's on a weekday afternoon, first week of July. Looked pleasant with a peaceful smile on her face, more vibrant than she appears on tv. Could have been the lipstick talking, as her make-up was more noticeable than what ladies typically wear for a midday trip to the grocery store.

[Photo Credit: Film Magic]

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Actress Jessica Biel was given a very boisterous welcome home in Santa Monica on Tuesday afternoon. The former 7th Heaven star recently returned to California after production was shut down again on the David O. Russell film Nailed. Biel was trailed down the street by a man who was trailing her while mumbling something about having any fries to go with that shake. Biel said, "Once is never okay, but did he have to follow me down the street?" Biel then hid out at a near by jewelry store until the cat caller finally left.

[Photo Credit: X17]

• DAVID O. RUSSELL FILM SHUT DOWN 4TH TIME [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

After hungrily leaning forward in his sweaty seat to probe Justin with those standard women's magazine questions ("Are you engaged?!" and "Is anyone pregnant?!"), Timberlake does his best to affect charm by avoiding the issues at hand and turning to his well-worn, though never well-received, stand-up act. He's "engaged" in the conversation! Get it? Yeah, unfortunately, we got it. But it's Jay's repeated allusion to meeting the prematurely sexy and underage Biel playing volleyball (insert wink and elbow nudge here) that has us picturing things we never want to ever, ever again. You see, Jay "would still be in jail" had he acted on whatever Dirty Old Man desires he assures both Timberlake and America he most definitely, cross-his-chick-loving-heart, felt at the time. We get it Jay, and no, we still don't want any part of it.

• THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO [NBC]

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Once again, actress Jessica Biel appeared to be lost and despondent after arriving at LAX on Tuesday afternoon. While not as shell shocked as the last time we saw her, Biel wondered if she would be able to function out of in a Los Angeles without David O. Russell engaging in existential conversations and asking if she could float the producers a loan to keep the film going for a few more weeks. In addition, it was overheard that Biel had been struggling with coming up a great fake response when long time boyfriend Justin Timberlake asked for her opinion on his new movie The Love Guru. Biel said, "He seems so happy about it and I don't ruin it by saying something stupid. "

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

Rumors also are circulating that the state of South Carolina could withdraw its incentive monies because of the financing problems. Filmmakers hope to resolve the cash crunch and re-start shooting next week since principal photography is only at the halfway point. "I am confident we will finish," an insider on the pic just told me. "The financing on this like most indies is based on bank loans and bridge loans. This is a matter of waiting on the bridge loan. Hopefully, it will all be resolved."

But new information coming my way says David Bergstein's Capitol Films behind the pic is troubled. In 2006, he acquired a leading UK-based international sales company which over the years had built a good reputation in the movie biz and made a wide range of commercial and critical successes, including Robert Altman's Gosford Park. But now I'm hearing from NYC film financing circles that "a shitload of people are owed a lot of money," in the words of one expert in the field. "I heard this week that his major financing source, a hedge fund, has shut down and left him in the lurch."

This isn't the first of Bergstein's hedge-fund gambits to capsize at an inopportune time; last year's attempted buyout of Image Entertainment acrimoniously fell through a few months back when its primary funder fell under scrutiny from its investors. That and Nailed's problems may or may not be related, but Bergstein's money woes are also said to be trickling down to his American distribution subsidiary ThinkFilm, which, since the schmogul acquired the company in late 2006, have consistently flirted with having more titles in the pipeline than it can afford to release. (We hear they're in arrears with at least one NYC screening room, but they've also won two documentary Oscars in five years, so judge that progress for yourself.)

Anyway, Finke notes that the cast — including Jake Gyllenhaal, Jessica Biel and Catherine Keener — are standing by, ready to work when shooting resumes, hopefully this week. We've seen flimsier houses of cards survive, but this might be one that's withstood all it can. Let us know if you have an eye on the weak spot.

• SAG Orders Actors On David O. Russell Film To Leave [DHD]

As Janet Charlton reports, Cameron and Kevin's alleged fling began over the weekend at a party thrown by celebrity hanger-on Ron Burkle: "Kevin obviously has a thing for tall blondes because he was deep in conversation with Cameron Diaz all evening. They were holding hands when they left together." All of these flings seem to indicate that Diaz is joining the boy-crazy bachelorette club, currently headed by Kirsten Dunst and Jennifer Aniston.The question is this: are these revenge-flings? Or should we just assume these girls are exactly what Gloria Steinem and Erica Jong had in mind for single women? We'll just wait until Diaz returns the very long and detailed voice mails we left on her publicist's assistant's assistant's office phone. Should be any minute now.

[Photo credits: Getty, FilmMagic, Wireimage]

• LOOK WHO HOOKED UP THIS WEEKEND! [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]

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A disheveled and confused Jessica Biel wandered around New York's LaGuardia Airport for hours after arriving on flight from South Carolina, where she has been working on the new David O. Russell film. Biel was heard to have mumbled her breath, "Not another take, David. Please not another take." Biel allegedly asked a flight attendant if she could do another take of her getting off the plane because she thought her director would've wanted more energy from her. Eventually, a personal assistant arrived and whisked Biel away to a hotel.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

5. Kim Kardashian: Losing ties with Paris didn't hurt Kardashian, mainly due to public interest in her gravity-defying behind, which has since landed her family a reality show and herself an endorsement deal with Bongo.

4. Jessica Simpson:: All that exercising in preparation for her role as Daisy Duke may not have given her any acting cred, but it make her butt worthy of filling out the trashtastic shorts of legend.

3. Jennifer Lopez: What Diddy likes, we like.

2. Jessica Alba: Not an Alba bikini photo crosses our screen without a dash of immediate regret on our part for not going to the nearest 7:30am pilates session that morning.

1. Jessica Biel: Well, sometimes photos simply speak for themselves.

[Photo Credits: CelebNewsWire, Red Reporter, TalkStink, Gag Report, Publisher's Weekly]

• CHRISTINA RICCI: I WANT JESSICA BIEL'S BUTT [People]

· Transitioning into the "paycheck-hungry Oscar-winner playing a dad with a creepy child" phase of his career (see De Niro, Robert and Hide and Seek), Kevin Costner accepts a lead role in the horror flick The New Daughter. A possibly haunted burial ground is involved. [THR]
· Jessica Biel will star in the United Artists of Tom Cruise-produced thriller Die a Little, a project during which the actress will be evaluated for her potential fitness as Katie Holmes' inevitable replacement. Hey, Holmes can't stay young enough to pretend to have his robot babies forever. [Variety]
· Shockingly, Lions for Lambs actor/director Robert Redford is not the Bush Administration's biggest fan. [Variety]

[Image: Shock-O-Rama.com]

"I want to do everything," she confessed. "I always want to try something completely different from what I just did. I would definitely love to take on something that is physically totally different from what I look like and what I'm used to doing, do something like a 'Monster.'"

"It's a dream," she continued. "I have to push myself and try something I've never tried before, put myself out there, be vulnerable and really take a huge risk."

Biel's addition of the indefinite article to the title of the critically acclaimed Charlize Theron film suggests Monster has transcended mere biopicdom, to become something much larger: a symbol of the kinds of premium, lesbian-serial-killer roles that win pretty ladies the highest accolades Hollywood has to offer. Should Biel be lucky enough to score a Monster of her own, hopefully she'll be savvier than to follow it up with "an Æon Flux,"* the de facto term for having squandered one's newly won artistic capital on an ill-chosen post-Oscar career move.

*Sometimes also referred to as "a Catwoman."

• Jessica Biel Says She'd Turn Into An Ugly 'Monster' For Riskier Roles [MTV.com]

Putting The Rat Back In Personal Assistant [Goldenfiddle]