Let's just examine the layers of this thing:

• Curb Your Enthusiasm is a fictional show about Larry David. In it Larry David plays Larry David, the co-creator of Seinfeld.
• On Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David the character divorces his fake wife Cheryl in a parallel to the real life Larry David divorcing his real wife Laurie.
• In order to win back his fake wife, the fake Larry decides to try to have a Seinfeld reunion show.
• Jerry Seinfeld, playing a version of Jerry Seinfeld on Curb, tells the fake Larry David that he said he would never do a reunion because they're always stupid. The real Larry David said the same thing.
• Both the real and the fake Larry David got over it.
• Now, the fake Larry David goes to all the Seinfeld stars, playing fake versions of themselves, trying to convince them to do a fake Seinfeld reunion when they've already agreed to do a real reunion by appearing on the show.
• Faux Jason Alexander wants to be on the fake reunion show to make up for the really disappointing real finale to the original series.
• Ersatz Michael Richards is distracted by pictures of real boobs and he can't concentrate on the fake reunion. It's just like real life!
• What we see is the making of the reunion and all the petty grudges that David stirs up when he brings the old gang back together again.
• The end result is a bunch of fake action surrounding the fake reunion show, but it is really the real reunion, because they're all back.
• But Larry David was never on Seinfeld (at least in a substantial role) and they're making the reunion for NBC even though the show is airing on HBO.
• The whole stunt will end as the characters disappear in a vacuum rift caused by the fission of real and fake in mass quantities that is the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

So, Seinfeld on Curb Your Enthusiasm has replace the old meta king—Broadway's [title of show] a "musical about two guys making a musical about two guys making a musical"—to become the ultimate in fake/real self-referential comedy. The construct of one show about the maker of a show engulfing both the real and fake versions of his own show is the logical conclusion of this type of comedy, and the Seinfeld/Curb non-reunion reunion is the non plus ultra of the genre. Thanks for killing it, David.

After this, there is officially no more outrageous concoctions of show-with-a-show or actors-playing-themselves that can be made and think it's still original. Congrats, Curb, you've won the Post-Post-Modern Olympics. Now, like Michael Phelps, you must go smoke a lot of pot while counting your gold metals and leave us alone.

The monologue was horrific, and included a joke about how men like to control the remote while watching TV. Thanks for that original observation, Jay. A follow up segment with Dan Finnerty of The Dan Band singing to a girl in a car wash was tremendously unfunny. This show has been in the planning stages for months, and with the world watching for his first episode, this was the best that Leno could do?

His interview with Jerry Seinfeld was the highlight of the hour, with Seinfeld firing jokes off about the show, not knowing when it was on, and how when he quit his show he really quit the show. Jay should have taken his lead. Having Oprah do a taped segment and not even once acknowledge Jay is about as close to genius as the show got.

Speaking of Oprah, Leno then trotted out Kanye West, in the midst of the brou-ha-ha concerning his bad behavior at the Video Music Awards. Unfortunately, the scandal means that this clip will be show all across the internet for the next day to hear what Kanye had to say. It was something about how his mother's death and too much touring made him act like a dick. We're saving our reaction for a different blog post.

This one concerns the quality of Jay's broadcast, and other than Seinfeld, Oprah, Jay Z, and Rhianna, it wasn't very high. Even the familiar Headlines segment at the end of the show contained far too many penis, poop, and vagina jokes to make anyone other than a 14 year-old boy and your crazy uncle Mort chuckle.

This first episode was Leno's chance to shine, when he should have gotten out his best material and the funniest segments that he's been compiling for months. Instead, the best thing about it was another comedian and an apology that he lucked into. We don't know how this experiment is going to last through the month, nonetheless another year.

The assumption when any television show hit ends its run is that the stars will go on to fame and fortune and other projects. Sometimes that happens and we never hear from them again (see Friends and inexplicably Full House) but when it doesn't, they all rush back to familiar territory to jump start their careers. Here's are scale from the worst to best.

Dynasty
Final Episode: May 1989
Breakout Stars: Heather Locklear, Emma Samms (just kidding)
Reunion: Dynasty: The Reunion aired in August 1991. The came back for another go-round Dynasty Reunion: Catfights and Caviar in 2006.
Cause: There were some cliffhanger plotlines to tie up, and really, nobody was doing anything else. Also, shoulder pads were about to go out of style, so they had to do it to save on the wardrobe budget.
Held Out: 2 years
Respectability: So bad it's campy.

Firefly
Final Episode: August 2003
Breakout Stars: Does anyone beside us and hardcore Joss Whedon fans even remember this?
Reunion: Serenity hit movie theaters in September, 2005
Cause: To try to get someone, anyone, to finally watch this thing. It failed.
Held Out: 2 years
Respectability: Did it have any to start with?

Sex and the City
Final Episode: February 2004
Breakout Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, who was the biggest show when the series started. Everyone else found out there really aren't any roles for women over 30.
Reunion: Sex and the City: The Movie came out in May 2008 and broke box office records. A sequel is planned
Cause: These ladies needed a way to make some money. And, obviously, cosmo-swilling Midwestern "fashionistas" demanded it.
Held Out: 4 years.
Respectability: Shameless.

The X-Files
Final Episode: May 2002
Breakout Stars: David Duchovny, who was only a recurring character on the show's final two seasons, is doing quite well on Californication.
Reunion: X-Files: I Want to Believe, the second movie based on the show, failed at the box office in July of 2008.
Cause: We still haven't figured this one out.
Held Out: 6 years.
Respectability: Pretty lame.

Seinfeld
Final Episode: May 1998
Breakout Stars: All of them, but the biggest has been Larry David, now of Curb Your Enthusiasm who wasn't even an actor on the show. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss is still holding down The Adventures of Old Christine. Jerry Seinfeld sits in his house and counts his money, only leaving occasionally to do stand-up, American Express commercials, and The Bee Movie. Jason Alexander had a few failed sitcoms and KFC commercials. Michael Richards had a racist rant that ruined his career.
Reunion: On the cover of Entertainment Weekly August 2009.
Cause: They'll all guest on Curb Your Enthusiasm this year, where a Seinfeld reunion becomes a meta plot point. For a giggle. They're all still rolling in residuals.
Held Out: 11 years.
Respectability: High.

Facts of Life
Final Episode: May 1988
Breakout Stars: Nancy McKeon was a Lifetime fixture before going to rock the tween set on the Disney Channel's Sonny with a Chance. George Clooney did two seasons.
Reunion: The Facts of Life Reunion aired on ABC in November 2001
Cause: Because the gays thought it would be fun and Mrs. Garrett wasn't getting any younger.
Held Out: 13 years.
Respectability: Surprising good. This also seems to be the exception that proves the rule, either that or all the girls have given up on acting careers.

Saved by the Bell
Final Episode: May 1993 (we're not counting The College Years, which ended in 1994)
Breakout Stars: Mark-Paul Gosselaar did the later seasons of NYPD Blue and is now a hit on cable's Raising the Bar. Tiffani Amber Thiessen did 90210, Two Guys, A Girl, and A Pizza Place, Fastlane, and Good Morning, Miami. Elizabeth Berkley did Showgirls and became a Hollywood punchline, Mario Lopez danced with stars, and Dustin Diamond released a sex tape.
Reunion: The cover of People in August 2009.
Cause: Because it was either that or Jimmy Kimmel.
Held Out:16 years.
Respectability: Amazing!

Forbes put out their list of the 10 richest comedians based on their concert ticket sales, movie deals, and DVD sales.

1. Jerry Seinfeld $85 million between June 2008 and June 2009. He also filmed this commercial. Laugh it up, America!

2. Chris Rock whose worldwide 'No Apologies Tour' contributed to his $42 million bounty. Chris is a funny man and we should continue to give him our money.

3. Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham banked an estimated $30 million over the course of the year. Wait, who?!

4. Dane Cook is the friend that nobody likes. The friend with $20 million dollars.

5. George Lopez. $20 million. Holler back Canoga Park!

6. Howie Mandel. Aw, I have a soft spot for Bobby's World.

7. Larry the Cable Guy made $13million dollars last year. This clip about sums it up.

8. You might be a redneck if you only make $11 million dollars, Jeff Foxworthy.

Ok! Did you guess who? Did you say Dane Cook? I hope you did cause he's the ambassador of TERRIBLE.

One: Husbands who watch too much sports.

Two: "Shirt shows - she says he always wears the same shirt." —Seinfeld

Shirt repetition! What is the deal with that??

"We'll have a telestrator, instant replays, different camera angles. Then the ref will make the decision. And it could be for whatever reason he wants. He could say to the wife, ‘You had the better argument, but I didn't like the way you said something.' "

Then everyone goes out to dinner. Always go out on a high note.

(Image via)

You remember how software-maker Microsoft bizarrely enlisted the sitcom star to promote its deeply troubled Vista operating system? The response was, uh, overwhelming . So overwhelming that Microsoft cancelled the campaign.

Now Silverman hopes Seinfeld can reverse NBC's fortunes. Silverman's past glorious successes include two cancelled shows, handing five hours of primetime to Jay Leno and not getting fired, yet. So it probably shouldn't come as a surprise that Silverman is stoked Seinfeld is going to riff on how insane married life is. I mean seriously, what's the deal with men and not putting down the toilet seat?? And ladies, what's with the bathroom hogging? What are you doing in there?

"Some of the greatest comedies in the history of television have been around marriages," Silverman said. "The concept is so universal and accessible, and obviously it works so well when it comes from somebody with a point of view — and nobody has a stronger point of view on this subject than Seinfeld."

That's right: No one feels more strongly about marriage than Seinfeld. Not Chris Rock, not the late Sam Kinison — no one.

Now NBC just has to learn how strongly America feels about its divorce from the comedian 11 years ago.

For a taste of how Seinfeld's humor has aged, take a look at the clip above, culled from Conan O'Brien's second-to-last Late Night. The comedian riffs on furniture. (Silverman would have been impressed; he's quite the laugher.)

(UPDATE: Added Late Night video.)

Our spies say the clandestine East End meeting between soon-to-be-divorced Madge and freshly single A-Rod occurred on Oct. 21. A chopper carrying the Yankee slugger was seen landing in East Hampton, where he was picked up in a white Porsche 911 matching the description of Jessica's car.

Less than 40 minutes later, another helicopter that took off from Chelsea Piers with Madonna aboard landed at the same airstrip.

"A dark SUV and Jerry in another Porsche both pulled up and picked up Madonna and they headed back to Jerry's place," a witness told us. "When they arrived at the Seinfeld home, Madonna poked her head out the window and could be clearly seen."

Though we question the efficacy of a secret plan involving separate helicopters, cars, a safe house, and an incredibly famous celebrity, we're more concerned with what this choice reveals about A-Rod. Sure, this burgeoning affair might seem sexy and glamorous, but is it worth four hours of Seinfeld puttering around, demanding to show off outtakes from his aborted Microsoft campaign? Madge has got you wrapped around her finger now, and she knows it. If you see her stroke her mustache in a crafty fashion, know that this is where things went awry.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• MADGE, A-ROD COPTER QUICKIE [NY Post]

• Madonna and Guy Ritchie exclusive: She bombards him with weird texts and says 'You're going down' [Mirror]

In an October 3 court filing...Seinfeld claims that his remarks were consistent with a "recurring theme" of his comedy and not slanderous.

Seinfeld points to a pair of 1995 episodes from his eponymous TV series in which Kramer files a lawsuit after spilling coffee on himself in a movie theater (and then settles the case out of court with the aid of superlawyer Jackie Childs [sic]). Strangely, both episodes cited by Seinfeld were written by Larry David. In his U.S. District Court statement, Seinfeld also cites the 2007 film "Bee Movie" (which he co-wrote) as evidence of his propensity for tort-based humor."

Perhaps you're failing to follow the logic here. What does running through a list of one's own impressive credits have to do with slandering someone on national TV? Nothing. But it does remind the court that Seinfeld is a big star! We ask you, members of the jury, are big stars not allowed to say whatever about whomever they like? We have nothing further, your honor—and apparently neither does his defense team.

• The Smoking Gun

This week's installment also includes: Clint Eastwood, Jerry Seinfeld, Ryan Phillippe, Kirsten Dunst and Justin Long, Farrah Fawcett, James Woods, Dane Cook, John C. Reilly, Lauren Conrad, Ellen Pompeo, P. Diddy (twice in the same night!), Jared Leto, Kevin Federline, Sandra Oh, Seth Green, Balthazar Getty, Pete Wentz, Briam Baumgartner, Zachary Levi, Ciara, Adam "Seymour Butts" Glasser and more.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 21
· Sitting in a booth at the recently re-opened Fab's on Van Nuys Blvd in Sherman Oaks at 8pm, Mr. "Hey, Spike Lee, Shut Your Pie-Hole" himself, CLINT EASTWOOD, speaking in hushed tones while dining with Sinatra's favorite opening comic, Tom Dreesen. I couldn't hear if Clint said to the waiter, "Go ahead, make my Chicken Marsala." Even at 93 [Ed. Note: He's actually only 78], Clint looks like he could kick some serious butt.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22
· It was celeb night on Friday 8/22 at the AMC theater at the Century City Mall. Spotted PETE WENTZ standing outside with friends. His hair is flat ironed to oblivion and he is short, almost alarmingly so. Kept his hoodie on the whole time. Jessica's pregnant sister was nowhere in sight.

Then, a few minutes later, ELLEN POMPEO (that's Meredith Grey to you) walked by hand-in-hand with her hubby. Super skinny and wearing gross, skin tight white jeans, white shirt with trashy sky high black heels. They were in a rush which made her look like she walks funny because she clearly couldn't handle those heels. We decided she was dressed like a Staten Island prostitute.

We decided to hold out a few more minutes on the hope we would spot an elusive A-lister. And before we knew it, PUFF DADDY walked by sans entourage! He is indeed puffy. Mr. Mogul needs to get back to running marathons for charity. He was wearing sunglasses. At 10:30pm. And he was texting while walking briskly. Who says men can't multi-task?

· Equinox West Hollywood. PUFF DADDY (again!) makes his entourage wait in the juice bar while he grabs a steam.

· JUSTIN LONG and KIRSTEN DUNST were spotted Friday night at the Dragonfly, checking out the show Point Break LIVE! She sat behind him w/ her girlfriends, but Justin kept turning around to talk to her & see her reaction to the craziness onstage.

·Bristol Farms, West Hollywood, 5:30PM (ish). Looking determined to get out and towing a tow-headed child: RYAN PHILLIPPE. Taller than I would have expected, and beefier (but by no means tall). I don't know if he's moved to the neighborhood but the shopping cart was brimming. In case he is, a word of advice: I know it's technically West Hollywood, but the look you should be going for should be more "Daddy out shopping for groceries with my kids on Beverly" and less "Out shopping for a Daddy to buy my groceries on Santa Monica".

SATURDAY, AUGUST 23
· He's not a household name, but with 33 film and 40 television credits, let's just say I was surprised to see SEAN WHALEN selling blenders at the Burbank Costco on Saturday, miked up, dressed in a white lab coat and white paper hat. He usually plays nerds, but now he's extolling the virtues of raw food smoothies. Ouch.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 24
· Sunday night at the Radiohead show. Saw SANDRA OH with several dudes scrambling to get to their seats. She looked flustered, yet excited. Also saw SETH GREEN in line between songs waiting for beers. He was sporting a trucker hat and has a big, shaggy red beard. He looks like he belongs under a bridge waiting for three billy goats gruff.

Lastly, also saw BALTHAZAR GETTY near the beer line between songs, wearing douchey skinny jeans and chomping on cigarettes. Dude looked like he was having way too much fun, like he'd just ditched his wife and kids for a hot chick who likes to bang while only wearing a sailor's hat. Oh, wait...

· As I approached the cool 'n' groovy Santa Monica/Fairfax Whole Foods, I saw two paps outside aiming their lenses into the store. Store security blocked their view. I heard someone say, "She's the one in orange," and then noticed LAUREN CONRAD in a cute orange summer dress, casual hair, grinding her own peanut butter near the bulk grains. No, she did not have an assistant to pour in the peanuts and press the button for her. When I left she was checking out, the paps were lining up, and the Whole Foods security guys, looking vaguely energized, were preparing to escort Ms. Conrad to her vehicle.

MONDAY, AUGUST 25
· Monday night, Radiohead at the Bowl. After briefly encountering JARED LETO (dressed a bit like Shia in Indiana Jones) on the concourse leading a small scuzzy posse around and claiming that he had extra seats, I was surprised to see him all alone in the pool circle up front where I was seated (second row, yo!). Jared apparently ditched his "boys" and tried a bum rush to get up front as the lights went down. Multiple security guards stopped him and he immediately went into "Don't you know who I am?" mode. At first it was high-larious, but then it became a bit pathetic. And then it became a lot pathetic. He just would not give up. It didn't matter. They hauled him away just before the band came out and killed it.

I'd like to believe that Radiohead hates Jared's stupid fucking band and the noise pollution he calls music as much as I and everyone else at the show does, and that they ordered security to remove him from their immediate vicinity, but more than likely Thom Yorke has never heard of 30 (Minutes? Miles? I refuse to google.) to Mars. To Thom, it was probably just another dumb asshole without a ticket getting the boot from the front. Which is exactly what it was.

·Saw JAMES WOODS on 8/25 on Burton Way near Raffles L'Ermitage Beverly Hills. He was on the phone and completely plugged into it. Looks pretty good for a man his age. No sign of his 20 year old girl anywhere.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 26
· Comedy Antichrist DANE COOK was at Crunch. His name was on the marquee at the Laugh Factory across the street, so I'm guessing it was some sort of pre- or post-show routine. If you imagined that he'd work out in a backwards baseball cap and muscle shirt, thereby confirming your image of him as a superannuated, doughy-faced, overgrown frat boy - you'd be correct.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27
· Two fun (separate) sightings. Saw Kevin (BRAIN BAUMGARTNER) from Scrantonicity (and, yes, The Office); and, Chuck (ZACHARY LEVI), from, well, Chuck at the Studio City Starbucks. Both taking meetings around the corner at the NBC/Universal building? Kevin wearing shorts, Chuck driving a gas-guzzling Chevy Tahoe. Bad choices, boys.

· Eyed R&B sensation/masturbation fantasy CIARA placing a to-go order at the El Pollo Loco on Sunset and Crescent Heights around 4:40pm. Body was insane.

· I was walking back to my office from Rick's Tavern yesterday around 8:35pm going South on Main St when, lo and behold, JERRY SEINFELD was walking the opposite direction. He was with a group of like 3 or 4 friends and looking casual but good. Hoodie and glasses and admiring the motor bikes parked on the street.

· Saw Seymore Butts (born ADAM GLASSER) in the Miracle Mile Marie Callender's today. No cameras, no nudity, no sex acts being performed. But seriously, I saw Seymore Butts!!!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 29
· Walking through the hallways of a building deep in the heart of Toluca Lake around 3:30pm is FARRAH FAWCETT. Farrah raised her head to look me in the eye with a a look that said "Yes I am Farrah Fawcett and don't talk to me" Farrah had heavy duty perfume situation going on that wafted in the hallway well after she left the building. Christie Brinkley is about the same age as her but Farrah looks like she has been through the ringer and had a rough, rough hard drinking, hard partying, heavy tanning life. Use sunscreen, kids. Use Sunscreen.

· Not sure if KEVIN FEDERLINE is a real "sighting" but we saw Father of The Year at Malibu Seafood on Friday. Did not look overly douche-y. Was with a few guys, both whom I recognized but neither that I could place.

· We saw JOHN C. REILLY out in Dublin's (as in, Ireland) posh south side last Friday. We couldn't remember his name right off. We called him "Not-Will-Ferrell". He didn't seem to mind.

[Photo Credit: X17]

While in New York, the Cruises had dinner with Jessica Seinfeld, possibly to discuss kid stuff (the third Seinfeld spawn is just about the same age as Suri). And though Katie's offer to star in a Broadway play this fall has allegedly been vetoed by Tom, she was at least allowed to accompany him to the Frances McDormand and Morgan Freeman-starring Country Girl. And as the photos above show, Suri is beginning to resemble Katie more and more with every passing month. Which has us thinking, maybe it's time to put those Rosemary's Baby rumors to rest.

[Photo credits: Splash, Vanity Fair]

• HAVE BABY, WILL TRAVEL: TOM AND KATIE TAKE SURI ON A MANHATTAN MINIBREAK [Daily Mail]

Sources tell PageSix.com that the 53-year-old comedian is in talks for a new series on his old net. The show is being pitched as "just like Curb Your Enthusiasm, but with Jerry, instead of Larry."

The series, which is aiming for a June premiere, will be set in New York and will feature Jerry Seinfeld playing himself in an exaggerated reality.

Using the Curb blueprint as just a launching point, the show will also incorporate elements from those completely racist and unfunny TV Juniors spots that NBC ran ad nauseam prior to Bee Movie's release. (Remember the one where they likened animators to illegal aliens, tackling them at a border fence? That was hilarious!) The result, What Is The Deal, will pit an exasperated Seinfeld against a variety of brown-faced service sector workers, who, as it turns out, really are the valet, after all.

UPDATE: NBC and Seinfeld's people deny the story.

• Seinfeld Plans NBC Comeback [pagesix.com]

"Jerry Seinfeld made overstatements of opinion for comic effect," the comedian's lawyers said in the filing.

Lawyers for the Seinfelds dismissed the plagiarism allegations in the court filing, saying, "The idea of sneaking healthy foods into a child's diet is not original to your author."

The strategy, of course, is an iffy one, as it requires the court to designate a clear dividing line between where humor ends and slander begins. In Seinfeld's defense, Letterman's audience did erupt into laughter and a round of applause during the assassin quip, though the stunned silence that followed a four-minute comic riff likening the gourmand scribe to Pol Pot will be harder to enter as evidence that he was just joshing around.

• Seinfeld on cookbook author: Assassin parallel a joke [CNN.com]

• New Complaint: Jessica Seinfeld's Cookbook Infringes, Jerry Defamed Author [THR, ESQ.]