1.)The Jerry Lewis Telethon
He ages like cheese, becoming saltier, stankier, more intense, and thus more enjoyable.

Also more offensive.

2.) AARP Lapdance

Charo performed Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music" in the middle of the night during the telethon. I guess the intent was to wake people up. She went out into the crowd to get the audience dancing. When they didn't want to, she would hit them with her vagina.

3.) Tyra's back!

4.) And she wants to teach you stuff.
About menstruation.

How to frown with your eyes.

And how to not like your makeup.

5.) Janice still hates her.
After Tyra's Nightline interview during which she refused to discuss Janice Dickinson, Janice went running to The Insider to respond.

6.) The View returned.
Which is good news for those suffering in the recession.

7.) Kim needs a job.

Her daughter concurs.

8.) Blind-folded musical chairs.

9.) "She ain't messin' with no broke bro."

10.) The La Toya interview tonight will be awesome.
Judging from The Insider's preview of it.

Will Jerry Lewis ever win an Academy Award? Would you believe yes? Sort of?

The Academy announced Wednesday it had chosen Lewis to receive next year's Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award, recognizing the 81-year-old's charitable, telethonic efforts over the decades, if not quite his expert comic prowess that has so divided filmgoers since his scorching 1949 debut How to Smuggle a Hernia Across the Border:

"Jerry is a legendary comedian who has not only brought laughter to millions around the world but has also helped thousands upon thousands by raising funds and awareness for those suffering from muscular dystrophy," Academy president Sid Ganis said.

And while we'll never know what could have been with his infamous, unreleased Holocaust dramedy The Day the Clown Cried, there should be no doubt that the statuette accompanying the Hersholt Award will validate even Lewis's gravest missteps. We join all of Hollywood in standing this morning in his honor!

OK, that's enough. Get back to work.

• Jerry Lewis to receive Hersholt Award [THR]

His response was, “Oh cricket is a fag’s game!” Lewis then proceeded to flounce about, using camp, effeminate gestures, pretending to hold a bat with a limp wrist, squealing in a high pitched voice “Ah! The ball is coming towards me!”

This would be the second time he's used that word in recent memory, the last being during his Muscular Dystrophy Telethon in 2007, while mocking a camera operator's son as being "an illiterate faggo." Lewis quickly issued an apology, however, saying, "Everyone who knows me understands that I hold no prejudices in this regard." We can only hope in the coming days that Lewis stays safely away from both groups, as the only thing deadlier than a ticked-off Aussie cricket player holding a slab of willow is a Mardi Gras-reveling drag queen with a knock-off purse.

• Jerry Lewis Still Thinks You're A Fag [samesame.com.au via Towleroad]

"I apologize to anyone who was offended., I obviously made a bad choice of words. Everyone who knows me understands that I hold no prejudices in this regard. In the family atmosphere of the telethon, I forget that not everyone knows me that well."

"That something like this would distract from the true purpose of the telethon pains me deeply...The success of the show and all the good that will come from it shouldn't be lost because of one unfortunate word. I accept responsibility for what I said. There are no excuses. I am sorry."

We can only hope that GLAAD finds Lewis's swift and humble mea culpa satisfactory, and that they don't insist on trotting out his mostly forgotten 1967 box office flop, The Illiterate Faggot Professor, as proof that France's clown hero still harbors deep-seated prejudices against reading-challenged sodomites a full 30 years after he lampooned the disadvantaged minority on the big screen.

• Jerry Lewis Raises Millions, Causes Controversy [abcnews.go.com]

Despite Lewis catching himself just a moment too late in what would best be characterized as a momentary lapse of comedic discretion—not to mention having raised almost $63.7 million for the cause—gay-taunt watchdog organization GLAAD has come out against his use of the word "fag," and are demanding an apology. It's a move that would have been virtually unheard of in the comedian's Rat Pack heyday, when not only would the comment have been greeted with hysterical laughter, but would have been likely followed by Frank Sinatra insisting the unfortunate boy in question be trotted out and forced to absorb a round gut-punches from Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop.

UPDATE: It didn't take long for Jerry Lewis to issue the demanded public apology.

• GLAAD CRITICIZES JERRY LEWIS' ON-AIR USE OF ANTI-GAY SLUR [GLAAD.org]
• Jerry Lewis Telethon Controversy [Daily Motion]

We probably felt the same way that you did upon reading this headline from USAToday.com: Could Jerry Lewis, America's Clown Prince and host of countless muscular dystrophy telethons, have possibly uttered such callous words about recently departed friend and contemporary Merv Griffin? Well, yes—yes he did, but as in all headline-grabbing celebrity soundbites, context is everything, and what might have come off like the equivalent of fellow prostate cancer sufferer Lewis taking an intermittent pee on Griffin's freshly filled grave was instead part of a larger interview, airing tomorrow on Entertainment Tonight, in which Lewis expressed frustration that Griffin didn't immediately seek the medical care he required to beat the stubborn disease.

Still, we imagine the comic auteur will receive some backlash for the bluntness of his sentiments, but coming from a man who once directed himself playing a clown who lured Jewish children into Auschwitz with balloon animals, it's not exactly a news flash that subtlety was never Lewis's strong suit.

• [ETOnline]
• Jerry Lewis: Merv Griffin 'deserved to die' [usatoday.com]

The full press release:

JERRY LEWIS SPEAKS TO ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT ABOUT MERV GRIFFIN'S DEATH AND WHY HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE

August 23, 2007 (Los Angeles, CA)— ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT spoke with Telethon veteran, Jerry Lewis about his good friend Merv Griffin. Lewis expresses his disdain for the fact that Griffin did not get screened for cancer. He tells ET, "I was very angry when I heard he died. He didn't have to die. He knew he had prostate cancer and he did nothing about it. He deserved to die." Lewis adds, "You can't have cancer and say, I'll be alright. You're not going to be alright. It's a malady that has to be addressed. I had it. I went and had it addressed and got it out of there."

Jerry Lewis tells ET, "I'm going to beat George Burns. Burns died at 100, I'm going to go for 101 and I want a television special for my 101st birthday!"