Last night on the Late Show, Piven said "20 years of eating only fish" also lead to Epstein-Barr, heart arrhythmia, and back spasms. It's amazing this man gets around without a Rascal. Mercury poisoning does cause high blood pressure and elevated heart rate, but usually not arrhthmia or spasms. It also causes itching and pain, skin discoloration, swelling, hair loss, and skin peeling off in layers. Don't you think any stories involving these would be much more colorful? And how did it lead to him contracting a virus like Epstein-Barr? Maybe that was something he caught at, we don't know, a party or something?

Piven also says that he got the best tests in the world at Quest Diagnostics, which can be found on just about any street corner in Manhattan. Earlier this year the company acknowledged it may have given thousands of people false results on Vitamin D tests. Piven also again name checked his fishy celebrity doctor Carlon Colker.

He's sticking by his story why he couldn't continue doing eight shows a week of Speed the Plow, and a arbitrator recently cleared him of any wrong-doing in leaving the Broadway show two months early. Because every celebrity becomes a crusader for the disease he suffers from, Piven is now fighting the injustice of fetid fish across the globe.

Dave was very sympathetic to his condition, and the interview couldn't be classified as anything but softball. Piven even got in a few good laughs. We're not only impressed that he's kept up his story for so long, but now it's even compounding itself. Give it a year, and his sushi habit will have lead to acute zombieism, where he marched around with his arms extended trying to satisfy an unquenchable hunger for brains.

The Institute, a fancy sounding organization that represents the nation's seafood industry, kindly reminds us all that Piven's case remains an aberration and that he has a history of being a big cry baby:

Despite the fact that the arbitrator ruled in Piven's favor, NFI cautions reporters and editors to continue to treat Piven's statements with skepticism. It is important to note that no peer reviewed medical journal has ever published any evidence of a case of methylmercury poisoning caused by the normal consumption of commercial seafood in the U.S. This ruling does not change that simple scientific fact. It is also important to note that Piven previously claimed to have been diagnosed with the Epstein-Barr virus during the first week of rehearsals, a claim that has curiously be absent from most news coverage.

Word to Piven, don't go fishing anytime soon. These people have your number.

Image via blmurch's flickr.

Piven pulled out of the production back in December, saying that 20 years of eating fish twice a day had elevated the level of mercury so high in his body that he couldn't function. His departure sent ticket sales into a spiral, even after he was replaced by William H. Macy. The show closed in February, but still made back its investment. Now the producers of the show have no legal or financial recourse against Piven and are still pissed. Their statement says.

While we respect the decision, we strongly disagree with it.  We remain eternally grateful to everyone who helped make the wonderful production of Speed- The-Plow possible, especially the artists who created it, and the many who had to deal with very difficult and trying circumstances.

With his mercury in retrograde, Piven is thrilled.

I'm just a theater actor who got sick, and was physically incapable of finishing my run. And now I can put this behind me and move on. And I'm stronger than I've ever been. I had a real health scare, and now I can climb back on the stage and know that I'm strong and able to complete the mission. It's a great day.

Yes, he said "climb back on the stage" not "climb on some stripper named Destiny," which is probably what he meant. And he has a better chance with Destiny than he ever does coming back to Broadway. Hope that, movie thing works out.

In a Q&A for the new issue of Time, Rick Dorzback of River Edge, New Jersey asked the question that's been on everyone's mind:

Have you stopped eating sushi? -Rick Dorzback, River Edge, N.J.

I haven't had a piece of fish of any kind in 11 months. My mercury levels have gone down from just below 60 to 3 now. I feel like a different person.

Yes, thank God for that new low mercury level! Otherwise, how the hell could Jeremy Piven possibly nail down 2am Vegas style with the other members of the Legion of Douche?

Dane Cook first posted the link to this photo, which was then re-tweeted by Jeremy Piven:





Yes, the boys were "nailing down 2am Vegas style" and the conversation leading up to the moment captured in the photograph probably went something like this:

Piven: Dudes! You guys look fucking fresh rocking the Fedoras on your domes. I should've brought mine!

Cook: That's alright bro, you look pretty damn fresh without one. Must be the sushi.

Rock: (Snickers) Yeah brah!

Piven: Hey fuck both of you assholes! NO SUSHI JOKES TONIGHT! Okay?!

Rock: Somebody sure is sensitive!

Cook: Dude, we promise not to toss out any more sushi jokes if you just text Paris and get her over here so we can all run a train on her tonight.

Rock: Dude, I fucking love running trains! One time, me and the dude from Creed...

Cook: Yeah, yeah we know.

Piven: I told you guys, she got back together with her boyfriend Doug.

Rock: So! Screw that guy. He can stand in the corner and watch.

Cook: What about Bai Ling?

Rock: Ah, yeeeeaaaaahhhh!

Piven: No, I've got a better idea — let's post a pic on Twitter and we'll reel in some local Twitter whores with it.

Cook: You're a fucking genius Piv. Seriously — You. Are. A. Fucking. Genius.

Piven: Alright, everybody get in close and strike your best Mt. Douchemore pose. Ready, 1...2...3

And the rest, as they say, is history.

But seriously, which is a more revolting thought — that Obama actually gave his digits to Jeremy Piven, or that Piven never even bothered to write the numbers down or save them into his phone?

A recent union hearing left the actor unscathed, so the producers have pressed on to arbitration, the dates for which were announced Wednesday (June 8 and 9). This prompted the release of a lengthy statement from Piven, explaining that his poisoned sushi is seriously a really, really big major health issue, since he may have nearly had a heart attack, hypothetically, but also because the president said so:

Mr. Piven is looking forward to testifying in Arbitration along with his doctors so that the truth comes out about the very health serious risks caused by Mercury exposure, which the Obama administration has recently described as the world's gravest chemical problem.

It's true: The White House said just that (sans odd Capitalization) when calling for a global mercury-limit treaty last month, according to the Associated Press. Then it specifically mentioned fetuses and children as being at risk.

It's worth noting, though, that there's juuuust enough scientific chatter about fish-based mercury poisoning in adults to make Piven's story plausible, if you ignore his sketchy doctor and past behavior.

Piven's medical records might help settle the question, but the actor demanded the producers sign a confidentiality agreement before they could access them. Which makes sense, because if Piven's M.D.s made house calls, lord only knows what sort of raw meat they saw being devoured.

(Pic: Piven at an Obama fundraiser in Chicago, June 2007. Getty.)

She mentioned that Macy used to babysit for Jeremy when he was but a rugrat. She then sardonically added, "In some ways you could say he's still babysitting him." Zing! Then, when Letterman smirkingly brought up the whole mercury-poisoning-by-tuna thing, Felicity scoffed a bit and seemed mighty incredulous. So now it's OK just to rag on this dude's lame story on national television. Even if you're an image-concerned fellow celebrity. It's almost kind of sad.

She tells the extremely legitimate New Jersey gossip rag Steppin' Out that she went on a date with Piven out of curiosity, and that she was horrified by his let's-get-you-drunk-and-hop-into-bed rude behavior. They seem to have had the rendezvous at a sushi restaurant, as sake was the drink of choice. No Jeremy! Sushi gave you poison! Mercury poison! Ah well. All in the name of getting some, right Piv? Fusca tells the magazine:

He just wanted me to drink sake. He kept saying, "Waiter, more sake!" and "How do you like your sake? Is it good sake?" He just wanted one thing but I wasn't going to be another girl he slept with. He got very annoyed when he realized he wasn't getting what he wanted. He was very upset. He just drove me home and didn't say a word, which wasn't really different from dinner. He was angry. He wouldn't even open the door for me. I had to open the door myself.

Little did she know, Piven was actually in a "How Many Times Can You Say the Word 'Sake' " contest. He won.

Fusca wasn't surprised by Piven's rudeness, though, as she'd already heard about some of his bad behavior:

He thinks he's all that. I read an article yesterday that he left a sushi restaurant waiter a photograph of himself as a tip. What? That waiter is working hard for his money. He doesn't care about your picture! That tells you what kind of guy he is. He took me out but he didn't try to win my heart. He just tried to get me very tipsy on sake. He just kept refilling the sake.

Ohh, I want to play too. Sake.

The Entourage star was certainly in tears after the hearing, when he sat for an interview at the offices of the New York Times.

Mr. Piven... twice broke down in tears...

He cried as he described the stress of fearing for his health while pushing himself to continue with the play. "I've never missed a day's work or a rehearsal in my life," Mr. Piven said. "I think there's a reason you've never heard of any problem like this before."

Times writer Patrick Healy also noted that Piven "looked exhausted and often meandered" during his interview. Which, along with the crying, is totally fake-able, especially by, say, an actor. And which could also be symptoms of suddenly-curtailed access to a stimulant.

There's no word yet on the results of tests performed by a doctor other than Piven's sketchy personal M.D., results that had been expected at the hearing, so all we have to go on is the word of Piven and his doctor. The actor also said he was in bed "almost every night" — you can find the known exceptions here.

Certainly the producers were not convinced; their five reps all voted against Piven, while the five Actor's Equity reps voted with him. (Actor's Equity includes both actors and stagehands.) The producers have the option of escalating to more aggressive proceedings. It's not clear if they'll do that , but lead complainant Jeffrey Richards pulled an apparently snarky move on the Times:

Reached by telephone at home after the hearing, Mr. Richards said he was sick and on medication and would have no comment.

This snide joke is actually a nice opening for Piven's PR team. If it trumpets Richard's purported sickness as evidence that illl health regularly prevents hardworking people from doing their jobs, Richards will be in a bind: He either concedes the point or, to dispute it, admits he was lying.

As for Piven's honesty, it's almost irrelevant at this point: If Piven told the truth Thursday, and has been going through hell, he deserves more credit for his acting, specifically for his professional commitment to Speed the Plow. If he lied, duping fellow thespians and a Times reporter, he also deserves more credit for his acting, specifically for being such a convincing con man.

(UPDATE: The Post's sources say Piven was indeed crying during the hearing, as well.)

(Image via)

Since producers for Speed-the-Plow lacked star insurance for the bolting Piven, the Actor's Equity hearing is their best chance to receive financial remuneration as well as really, really hurt Piven's feelings in public. And hurt them they shall! Producers have already forced Piven to take a blood test administered by someone other than his musclebound teevee doctor, and Piven will have to present the results as well as a comprehensive detailing of his illness to the committee, comprised of five actors and five producers.

That there is the tricky part, as producers are expected to counter with a log (supplied by Piven's driver) that shows how much late-night partying the supposedly ailing actor engaged in, says the Post. But who needs a driver's log when we have a full assortment of paparazzi photos and tabloid stories that place Piven out and about? Here's a mere sampling of his reconstructed nightlife schedule, put together after a perusal of Getty Images:

October 3: Speed-the-Plow begins preview performances
October 13: Piven attends Filth and Wisdom after-party
October 20: Piven attends Rangers game
October 23: Speed-the-Plow opens, Piven attends late-night after-party
November 5: Piven attends Domenico Vaccas party
November 16: Piven hosts cocktail party to benefit The Piven Theatre Workshop
December 2: Piven crashes Britney Spears's birthday party
December 3: Piven attends celebration for the Capsule Line with Common and Softwear by Microsoft (whatever that is)
December 8: Piven attends after-party for The Wrestler
December 17: Piven bails on Speed-the-Plow

And that log barely scratches the surface of the actor's comprehensive model-corralling. Still, despite Piven's impending peril, at least he can shoehorn a dramatic, Emmy-grabbing storyline into Entourage where he bravely rouses Vince from a Broadway-induced deathbed, then prescribes a recuperative diet of 22-year-olds clad in Kitson baby tees.

• PIVEN'S POISONAL PLEA [NY Post]

Reason #1: It's called Page Six Magazine.
Reason #2: Three months later, they'll repurpose the material in a new, four-page story entitled, "Is Jeremy Piven the biggest jerk in showbiz?”

From the article:

Page Six Magazine writer Annie Karni reports that Jeremy Piven doesn’t always take kindly to direction. At a September Page Six Magazine photo shoot to promote his starring role in the Broadway revival of Speed-the-Plow, the actor was in a foul mood. “This isn’t my first time on the merry-go-round,” he shot at a staffer who asked that he pose for a traditional headshot and make eye contact with the camera. “You want mediocre? I can give you mediocre.” He mocked the crew by grinning like he was posing for a DMV shot.

An hour later, Jeremy didn’t want to give mediocre anymore. He popped his collar. He ducked under the photographer so that the camera would catch him at a height-enhancing angle. Letting out a gutteral moan, he ripped the sleeves off a $350 Giorgio Armani shirt.”

Of course, that "gutteral moan" was actually just the sound of the previous night's dinner of a dozen squishy slices of sea urchin reverberating in Piven's large intestine; their high dioxins, pesticides and PCBs levels have been linked to a temporary dementia that turns you into a garment-rending, insufferable pain-in-the-ass. We can only hope the removal of sushi from Piven's diet will reverse the debilitating effects.

• Page Six Magazine

And the dodges. So dodgy! Check out this masterful response, after Diane Sawyer brings up the fact that Piven's play-quitting "mercury poisoning" didn't prevent him from hitting the clubs at night: "Let's be really clear: David Mamet is one of the greatest American playwrights." OK then? Strangely, things get even worse from there, as Piven condescends to Sawyer's questions with baleful eyebrows, slowed-down "I'll explain this for the stupids" talking, and such frequent, pointed use of Sawyer's own name that we started taking bets on when he'd call her "glib." Still, kudos to GMA for deciding that when Sawyer read a pull quote about mercury poisoning, one of the interns should mock up a graphic featuring a golden, rotating fish. Delicious (but dangerous!). [GMA]

TOM CRUISE was having lunch with about 15 other people, including his mom and craaaazy sister. It was a corner table outside. I was inside, just watching so couldn't hear what they said. They all had champagne, but I couldn't tell which kind, Moet I think. He had a salad. I think it's called the MacArthur salad, or something like that. He did not make eye contact with anyone in the restaurant when he left, despite my open staring at him. He did say goodbye or thanks or something to the hostess when he left. He was in all black and didn't look short or anything. I think he looked actually pretty good, sorry. I was super bummed Suri and Katie weren't there.

After Tom left his mom came back to the resaurant with five of the women from the lunch and they had what looked like a business meeting. Scary. HEIDI KLUM and MARK WAHLBERG were also there, at different tables. She was pretty, but mildly boring. JEREMY PIVEN walked in through the restaurant twice, but he didn't stay. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

It was the first time he'd met the media since advancing the much-pilloried sushi excuse, and for the most part, he kept his stories straight. Piven was "brought to his knees" by the mercury overload, he told both People and Us, adding "It feels like the heaviest bout of mono you've ever had in your life." According to Piven (now fish-sober for five months!), he'd actually gone all the way out to Connecticut for a diagnosis "just so it wouldn’t turn into a circus," which is naturally why he would choose an unrelated TV bodybuilder to announce the mercury poisoning to the media.

But what of Moss, who notably "sobbed" at the close of the first Piven-less Speed-the-Plow? People says she got face time with the actor on the red carpet:

"She knows that the second we said go, I've been battling this," Piven says.

Moss also holds no hard feelings over Piven's abrupt departure. "I hadn't actually spoken to him since he left the play," she tells PEOPLE. "It was good to speak to him."

"Sorry, Elisabeth, babe," Piven was heard to have said. "I meant to call, but then I got wrapped up in this whole Sherri Shepherd thing, and then I had to take Ashley to get headshots in Tarzana. How are things going in New York? Not so good? Ah, well, actually I'm not that interested. Sorry—gotta do KNBC and Telemundo before Lindsay Lohan starts wondering why I haven't made it to 'our stall' at Bardot!"

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Jeremy Piven: Mercury Rising [Fox News]

• Jeremy Piven Says Mystery Mercury Illness Was "Crippling" [Us]

• Jeremy Piven Embarrassed by Illness Backlash [People]

According to the New York Post, many involved with the production are pushing to have Piven's high mercury claims examined by a non-musclebound, non-teevee doctor, and they're hoping the result may "squeeze some money out of him." Why has it taken this long to get a second opinion? A lack of insurance:

The producers didn't have star insurance on Piven. If they had, their insurance company would almost certainly investigate the actor's claim before paying out any money.

But under the Actors' Equity contract, the producers are entitled to have Piven's medical records examined by another doctor. If they suspect fraud, they can sue him.

"If it turns out this is phony, it can really kill him," says a veteran producer who's not involved in "Speed-the-Plow." [...]

Several top Broadway producers say that if "Speed-the-Plow" were their show, they'd go after Piven.

"I'd kill the jerk," one says, bluntly.

Though we'd love to brainstorm the sort of hit on Piven that Broadway producers might organize (would it be a murder already beloved on film, but then adapted for musical theater in a splashy megamillion production?), we have a feeling that the Pivs won't be returning to New York anytime soon, depriving them of the pleasure. Will producers then plot out a long-distance attack on his pocketbook and reputation, leaving him with nothing but a 23-year-old rack to cry on? Or will Entourage begin a new season with Ari mysteriously holed up in Canada?

• HOOKS IN FISHY TALE [NY Post]

Shepherd got the ball rolling yesterday when she recounted on The View her embarrassed realization that the chapeau-clad pygmy her son had been annoying on a flight was none other than Piven himself. In response, Piven woke Shepherd up last night with a very late text message (enjoy an exhausted Barbara Walters as she then tries to explain time zone differences to a stymied panel) where he apologizes for not having recognized the View hostess. We'd have thought her confused request to the pilot—"Are there invisible angels holding this plane in the air?"—would be a tip-off. However, we're still wondering: Does Piven possess the cell phone number of every View host, or just Shepherd's? The idea of Piven stumbling out of Jones at 2am and sending a drunk text to Elisabeth Hasselbeck ("UR AYERS RANT MADE ME POP 1 TODAY") is almost as delicious as a plate of good sashimi.

• The View [ABC]

That's according to E!'s Ted Casablanca...wait! Don't click away! A productive intern has made the usually incomprehensible gossip guru semi-intelligible—just look:

"He was fired," says an integral player in the David Mamet play, about the banal evils of Hollywood. Yep, according to our pivotal insider, J.P. got booted for diva-like behavior. Like what? Like showing up two minutes before showtime, being a general d-bag toward the cast and crew and sending his understudy on if he didn't like the size of the audience.

"He wanted out of his contract for about a month—he was trying to get out of it," says another major Plow player, claiming the Emmy-winner was "disappointed" doin' it live night after night. The mercury poisoning excuse was a way out to save face.

Since we would never impeach Casablanca's credentials and the stories of Piven misbehavior certainly sound true, we've got some advice for the producers of Speed-the-Plow: if you're planning on firing your most famous actor, maybe use the meantime to line up a backup actor with more star power than Norbert Leo Butz. You coulda had the guy from Wings! No, the other guy. No, not Shalhoub! No, not the Sideways one, either. Steven Weber!

• Was Jeremy Piven Fired? [E!]