Gawker: defamer, jenna fischer

Jim and Pam Sittin’ In A Tree…

Nick Malis — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:20:00 EDT

Our country is self-destructing before our very eyes. Banks are collapsing, wars are raging, politicians are canceling their appearances on Letterman, but at least we can still rely on true love. That’s right, on last night’s hour-long season premiere of The Office, we finally got the satisfaction of seeing ... um, well, something that can only be described as an epic spoiler. Fans of The Office who dutifully tuned into NBC last night, please follow along after the jump to continue the conversation. Those of you who DVR'd it, well, you might want to continue along to another post.

Where were we? Ah yes, we finally got to see ... Jim pop the question to Pam! And don’t let the fact that it happened on a dingy highway rest stop in the middle of a rainstorm fool you, it was totes romantic. Not quite as romantic as that Tim and Dawn kiss from the original British Office Christmas Special, but still, pretty good. Get your Kleenex ready and check it out.

The Office [NBC]

Jenna Fischer Will 'Piss On Your Face' If You Whisper The Wrong Sweet Nothing In Her Ear

Molly Friedman — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 16:21:14 EDT

While many bright-eyed actresses with big dreams will hit the casting couch circuit in an attempt to land their first break, Jenna Fischer wasn't willing to give it up after an entire year spent pounding the Los Angeles pavement. But now that she's a big star, she understandably has some choice words for the screenwriter who, a few years back, gave her shit for refusing to drop trou for him. In an interview with Playboy, Jenna tells a story about what happened after she ran into Halloween 5 screenwriter Shem Bitterman at a party one year into her move-west-and-act life plan. Apparently, her non-interest in starring in a "like, really raunchy" new film of his spurred the scribe to claim she was clearly "not a real actress." And while the old Jenna did nothing but go home and cry her newbie eyes out, the emboldened Office star has this to say to the Bitterman today:

"What an asshole, I should have told him, 'How about I piss on your face? Does that make me a real actress? Let's try that. I'll do that right here. I'll do that today.' Bring me Shem Bitterman."

While we're not really into water sports, we kind of want to do the same to this truly bitter man. But it gets worse. According to Jenna, he started nudity reference-dropping all over the place, saying, "A real actress would say yes...Sylvester Stallone did porn." Well hey, if Sly did porn, then sign us up for the next Blowtime/Skinemax casting extravaganza immediately. In any case, we have to award major points to Fischer for standing up for all the morally sound audition-traipsing hopefuls. We always used to have trouble separating Jenna from her small-screen identity as mild-mannered, soft-spoken cupcake Pam Beasley, but these venom-laced words have officially done the trick.

JENNA FISCHER SLAMS PLAYWRIGHT OVER REMARKS [Starpulse]

'Book Of Secrets' The 'Citizen Kane' Of American-History-Themed Bruckheimer Thrill Rides

Seth — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 12:04:44 EST

With Father Time currently in lockdown after being picked up over the weekend for a parole-violating DUI, and the tragic discovery of the New Year's baby in a dumpster behind Bar Lubitsch (besides a crushed top hat and filthy sash, doing just fine), it seems as if the countdown to 2008 comes under less than ideal circumstances. Still, you can't stop the march of progress, and nowhere is that more apparent than in the weekend box office numbers:

1. National Treasure: Book of Secrets - $35.6 million
Boasting another week at the top of the box office, Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer have again managed to spin Nicolas Cage relieving himself on a pile of American history books into a pop culture phenomenon. Curious as to how Dame Helen Mirren fit into the cloak-and-dagger proceedings, we had a chance to catch Secrets over the weekend, where we were thrilled to learn that [Spoiler alert! Spoiler 'round the bend! God be with all ye who travel past this point unawares that spoilers be awaitin' ye, arhh!] the silver-tressed sex goddess had been retained to reprise her Oscar-winning turn as Queen Elizabeth II, showing off her impressive aim with a stag musket and command over a pack of bloodthirsty attack-Corgies in the scene where Cage and friends break into Buckingham Palace.

2. Alvin and the Chipmunks - $30,000,000
The unassuming tale of a disheveled celebrity Eastsider's singing-rodent infestation has proven to be a force to be reckoned with: Its $30 mil weekend take brings its total to $142.4 mil, leaving it poised to crack the top ten grossing films of the year. As if you had to be told, that makes chipmunks 2008's penguins. Prepare for approximately two dozen chipmunk-related family projects to fast-track into development, including Look Who's Talking Like a Chipmunk, Flushed Away 2: Now Chipmunks Are Being Flushed Away!, and Verminy Feet.

3. I Am Legend - $27,500,000
As we refuse to see this movie, we're left with nothing but Will Smith-loving-Hitler jokes. How many Hitler-loving Will Smiths does it take to change a lightbulb? Two! One to change it, the other to reprogram the broken one.

4. Charlie Wilson's War - $11,768,000
5. Juno - $10,300,000
In the "sophisticated commercial choice for grownups" category, audiences looking for fulfillment through witty banter and mature themes who may have already caught Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem turned to saucy Sorkinisms and Diabloesque drollery for their self-satisfied weekend moviegoing experiences.

13. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story - $3.7 million
Still languishing at the box office, the music-bio satire with the in-your-face For Your Consideration campaign even has its star Jenna Fischer blogging about its flaccid-penis attributes on MySpace: "It's very raunchy and sexy and the humor is hard core. Think 40-Year-Old Virgin but with full-frontal male nudity too. That's right ladies, we have penis."

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE December 28-30, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

Pam Suffers Freak 'Accident' At Upfronts; Karen Held For Questioning

Mark — Wed, 16 May 2007 22:25:57 EDT

· Victims of the upfronts II: Pam is down! We repeat, Pam. Is. Down.· (Don't worry, she's going to be OK.)
· The Lede blog rounds up the misguided commercial-to-sitcom projects of the past.
· While a Shrek the Third drinking game sounds mildly diverting, we'd instead recommend that you get so shitfaced at home that you can no longer drive yourself to the theater.
· Paris Hilton: object.
· At the end of M. Night Shyamalan's open house, prospective home-buyers discover that the mansion isn't actually for sale. (The clues, of course, were right in front of their eyes the whole time.)

Short Ends: Keanu Reeves Sucks The Life From Frustrated Dialect Coach

Mark — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 23:08:07 EDT

· The Screengrab blog compiles a two-part top ten list of the worst accents in movie history, including Keanu Reeves' hilarious effort in Bram Stoker's Dracula, which produced a result so bizarre that his dialect coach was executed following its premiere.
·The Office's Jenna Fischer finds a way to increase her already impressive nerd fanbase.
· Winona Ryder's rack is poised to make a big-time comeback.
· Still no bids on Gwen Stefani's petrified wedding donuts.