Considering the fact that a line like Whitney Kros (with its zebra-crotched pants and paint-splattered white jeans) is not exactly Chanel couture, we're not entirely caught off-guard to see that Tom, Katie, Will, Jada and the Travoltas didn't make the trek. While we'll never know exactly why the "cool kids" of Scientology weren't there, there is one question that is weighing even heavier on our minds — how sick do you think Jason Lee is of that ridiculous Earl mustache? We're betting that answer lies somewhere between really sick and really really sick. But we've been wrong before.

[Photo Credits: Getty, Filmmagic]

• YOU TOO CAN DRESS LIKE A SCIENTOLOGIST [Janet Charlton]

Britain's Daily Star newspaper reports that the wife of football star David Beckham has apparently been lined up to play the alien bride in The Thetan - based on the religion, which believes in alien life forms. The Daily Star reported that Victoria - who Cruise has described as a "comic genius" - is said to be "thrilled" about getting her big Hollywood break.

A source told the Daily Star: "Victoria is really hoping to make a go of it in Hollywood.

"This could be the perfect start for her, with good pal Tom Cruise in charge."

If you weren't already made skeptical about the story's veracity by the description of Beckham as a "comic genius," The Scoop has already solicited a denial about the project's existence. But even the most credulous of gossip consumers should have recognized that the Church would have demanded that Cruise cast one of the many fine actresses who've dedicated years of service (and untold auditing fees) to their organization over a non-tithing outsider. They can't afford to have loyal footsoldiers like Jenna Elfman feel like they're wasting their best earning screaming accusations of baby-rape at suppressive individuals by not having their efforts rewarded with glamorous career-wins.

• Posh to be Cruise's alien bride [Daily Telegraph UK]

So far, no one from the church has contacted FX or Murphy. Repeated phone calls to the church by the Los Angeles Times were not returned.

"I think I would have serious questions about whether we want to essentially go to battle against any religion. I don't think that's where any business ought to be," [FX president and general manager John ] Landgraf said. "The flip side of that is that if Ryan's writing something that's creatively valid and it's creatively balanced, I don't think it serves the interests of the religion to somehow personally attack Ryan, or me, or one of the actors. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I guess time will tell."

It's a shrewd strategy for Landgraf to warn the notoriously touchy Church that nothing would be accomplished by attacking their valid and balanced portrayal, hoping that such a challenge will almost certainly catch the attention Scientology's Truth In Media Technicians** and prompt a response; he'll laugh quietly to himself when a bullhorn-wielding Jenna Elfman, waiting for him by the entrance of the Fox Tower parking garage, launches into the litany of accusations in her Baby Rape Inventory***, knowing that this week's episode of Nip/Tuck is going to virtually promote itself.

[*This is exactly the kind of gratuitous punchline that FX will strenuously avoid.]
[** This one too.]
[*** At this point, there's no way we could avoid the too-easy Jenna Elfman joke. We are so weak.]

• 'Nip/Tuck' warms up to Scientology [LAT]

Last night at approximately 8pm I was on my way to my girlfriend's apartment [in a ] building across Bronson from the somewhat terrifying Scientology Celebrity Centre. Coming down Franklin, I was dismayed to be re-directed into a clusterfuck of traffic as police had sealed off the entire block surrounding the Centre. I called my girlfriend, who then tried to exit her building. The police would not let her leave her apartment building, saying that there was a bomb about 120 feet from where she was standing. Eventually some bomb squad SUVs came, did their thing, and left... at which point she was able to leave and I was able to walk the street. The thing I find oddest about it all is that even though there where dozens of people milling about (it seemed that Birds, Bourgeois Pig, etc where all evacuated), I have yet to see even the slightest mention of this anywhere...

The second report, with bonus non-Scientologist celebrity reaction to the scare, follows after the jump:

Got stuck in traffic due to a bomb scare at the Scientology Centre yesterday (insert Battlefield Earth / War of the Worlds joke here), trying to zig-zag on side streets with every other Hollywood-living Los Angeleno... including Bradley Whitford. As we passed one another in our desperate search for a path home that would take less than two hours, we exchanged bewildered looks: Him (in Aaron Sorkin scripted-trademark form): "Dude? What the hell?"; Us: "Hey man! You're awesome in the new STUDIO 60 series! Can't wait for the fall premiere!" And then, as all things do, we passed each other and were swept into the angry honks and beeps of another joyous L.A. commute home. Glad he's keeping it real in a Honda.

• Previously: Jenna Elfman Attacks Man In Glib T-Shirt [Defamer]

Indie film director John Roecker tells TMZ he was walking to his car with a female friend in LA's trendy Los Feliz neighborhood last Sunday when he was approached by a shirtless man and a tall blonde. "Hey, man, you're making fun of my religion," said the stranger angrily.

Roecker quickly recognized the couple as actor Bodhi Elfman and his wife, 'Dharma and Greg' star Jenna Elfman. Mr. Elfman's ire was apparently drawn by Roecker's self-made t-shirt, which had a picture of Tom Cruise on the front under the caption "Scientology is Gay!" and a 'Stayin'-Alive'-era John Travolta on the back with the words "Very Gay!" For the record, both Cruise and Travolta have said repeatedly they are not gay.

According to Roecker, who first recounted the incident on LA's KROQ-FM's Kevin and Bean Show, the invective started to fly after he made several references to Scientology theology and its reported central tenant, the story of Xenu. Roecker says Jenna repeatedly said "What crimes have you committed?" and began screaming at Roecker, "Have you raped a baby?" as motorists on Los Feliz Boulevard drove by in snarled traffic.

While Elfman's reaction seems like an unnecessary escalation up the tone scale, we should probably try to see things from her perspective. If Jesus had just controversially fathered a child (Da Vinci Code blasphemies aside) during the publicity tour for His latest blockbuster and, say, an Episcopalian encountered someone wearing a "Christianity Is Gay" t-shirt bearing a mocking, cartoonish image of Christ, that Christian might have also abandoned his Messiah's "turn the other cheek" teaching in favor of a "loudly accuse suppressive of baby rape" tactic in the heat of the moment.

• When Elfmans Explode [TMZ.com]

At the bustling CBS lot in Studio City, Elfman chats on a sofa on the set of Alex's apartment. The couch is very chic off-white, decorated with polka-dot mocha and teal cushions, which pick up on the over-all decor of the room. Elfman's involvement in every aspect of the show even extends to color coordination.

"I picked the paint," she says, explaining how she worked closely with the production designer and set decorator. "I wanted to raise the aesthetic value of the sitcom many notches because, 'Why not?' … I wanted to juxtapose timelessness and modern throughout the entire show in set design, wardrobe, casting …"

Elfman's got a producing credit on the series, which seems to entitle her to a certain degree of helpfulness in all aspects of the production. This is probably good news for the other producers, writers, and crew members who invariably just love it when one of their stars take credit for their work; when she suffers a crippling on-set "accident" following an interview in which she claims responsibility for everything from story arcs to the show's set lighting, there will probably be far too many suspects to make any charges stick.

• Elfman Plays Against Type in New Show [AP]