Superproducer Jerry Bruckheimer is teaming up with Disney to produce the movie version of the upcoming book Horse Soldiers. While both you and me are imagining a film about horses who wear gun hats and every time they neigh, the gun hats shoot bullets, and we win WWII and the human kid, Danny, finally gets to kiss the cute French girl who helped them because she knows a lot about horses like how to click at them and how to fix gun hats, unfortunately we are both mistaken. It's about real-life US soldiers who rode into Afghanistan on horseback and helped broker deals with warlords in order to topple the Taliban. Sigh. [Variety]

Jeff Goldblum and Diane Keaton have joined the cast of the potentially-embarrassing-for-everyone-sounding Morning Glory. The film is about Rachel McAdams trying to solve a feud between two news anchors, Keaton and Harrison Ford. It's filming in New York, and that person who wrote Devil Wears Prada has crafted the screenplay. Lord help us. [Variety] Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Bryan Cranston have all joined up for Red Tails, the George Lucas-produced WWII flick about the Tuskegee Airmen. Whether or not they run into any horse soldiers with gun hats on their heads depends on how historically accurate they're trying to be. If they're going for vérité, then yes, there will be gun hats.

In case you were worried that you might have to go to the beach or sit outside drinking sangria and enjoying the breezes this summer, don't worry. The CW has finally decided to enter the full-year programming game, and will air some new reality shows in the hottest months. Your choices will be as varied as Blonde Charity Mafia, about a group of idiots milling about Washington D.C., and Hitched, about a bunch of idiots mulling about the idea of getting married. [Variety] Nerd alert! Dollhouse and Battlestar hottie boombalottie Tahmoh Penikett has been cast in the Sci-Fi (or, sorry, Syfy) channel movie event Riverworld, about a couple who dies only to find themselves in what is questionably the afterlife. Alan Cumming will guest star, and the whole damn thing could become a series. But what does this mean for the still-getting-better Dollhouse's fate? Hopefully nothing. [THR]

The people who made that show Til' Death (which is still on the air), Alex Barnow and Marc Firek, have signed a new deal with Sony TV. They'll leave that Brad Garrett laffapalooza and head on over to a new series, which is still in the works. So the good people are working. We can be glad for that. (And yes, I know J.B. Smoove is funny on that show, but still). [THR] Also there's this: Jennifer Garner is set to star in a movie about butter carving. No, not churning. Carving. The competitive world of. So. The movie is called Butter, completing the triumvirate begun by Milk and continued by Salt. [THR]

Kevin James continues to land a series of improbably hot wives. First it was Leah Remini, who later became an alien and disappeared out of the motherhood and into the celestial ether, and now it's Maria Bello. The smoky voiced blonde will play his wife in that jam-packed comedy about a high school reunion that also stars Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Maya Rudolph, and Salma Hayek. The genius behind I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry will direct. [THR] Speaking of hilarity, here's something terrific. Hunk of yesteryear Antonio Sabato Jr. has won an acting award for a movie in which he plays a serial killer. The prestigious Beverly Hills Film Festival bestowed the best actor prize upon the former soap stud for his work in Drifter: Henry Lee Lucas, about this charming fellow who maybe killed 600 folks, and maybe didn't kill anyone. You may remember that the estimable Michael Rooker played the fellow in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer some years back. [THR]

Boomp3.com

Jazz musician/actor Jeff Goldblum was spotted prowling the urban jungle of Manhattan on Wednesday afternoon. At first, it appeared that the Goldblum had trouble readjusting to the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple. According to onlookers, Goldblum looked pensive while trying to enjoy a cappuccino at a café. The witness said, "It seemed like he was really missing L.A." After leaving the café, however, his frown turned upside down when he began chatting up a young filly. According to another onlooker, Goldblum did not appear to be as pensive as before, adding, "It looked like he was using the old 'I'm new to town' routine and I think it worked."

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

While enjoying a lunch with a lady friend in West Hollywood, soon to be Law & Order: Criminal Intent star Jeff Goldblum became mildly perturbed when a woman stepped in between him and an enterprising paparazzo. Goldblum thought if he was going to be filmed while enjoying a delicious meal, then there should at least be some high quality shots of his face. Goldblum added, "I mean, this guy went to great lengths to step up the shot. You know, getting everything perfectly in focus and then, this woman, I'm sure she's a lovely person, but she disrupts the picture. Maybe I'm cranky because I haven't had my muffin yet. Carbs will make things better."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In today's installment: Britney Spears, Jeremy Piven, Paris Hilton, Vince Vaughn, Jack Black, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Luke Wilson, David Beckham, Dennis Hopper, Gwen Stefani, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeff Goldblum, Zooey Deschanel, Rainn Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Judy Greer, Phil Spector, Kevin Federline, Morgan Spurlock, Kristen Chenoweth, Judy Greer, Cloris Leachman, John Slattery, Emma Stone, Bijou Philips, Jane Lynch, Dean Cain, John Corbett, Paul Scheer, and more.

SATURDAY, MAY 24
While surrounded by Brody Jenner-looking date
rapists at Happy Endings, I spotted a welcomed sight: Seth Morris, Owen Burke, and Paul Scheer. Joined by a bunch of other UCB comic types upstairs in the corner and looking almost as out of place as me.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
Saw Cloris Leachman at the Aqua Lounge watching Jeff Goldblum and his band play some jazz standards. Jeff's pretty talented on the keyboard, but the group as a whole made me feel like I was at someone's wedding.

Wednesday afternoon, my friend and I are having our usually mid-week lunch time phone conversation. In mid-conversation he gasps and tells me that he is at Chipotle in BH and David Beckham has just walked in. No f''ing way! David F'ing Beckham in Chipotle! BTW - what's up with that family and Mexican food? Just wish I could get shot in person of David's burrito! hehe

FRIDAY, JUNE 6
Vince Vaughn at the Greek Theatre for A Prairie Home Companion on June 6. Thinking he's a Garrison Keillor fan definitely makes me like him a little more.

Driving on Ledgewood in Hollywoodland today, I saw Phil Spector driving a Mercedes convertible, wearing that crazy giant curly fright wig he dropped in favor of the lesbian pageboy thing he wore in court. He wears it while driving a convertible! How the hell do you bolt that on?

Cuba Gooding Jr. with 2 friends eating sushi at Hana Sushi in Brentwood. He was a lot smaller than I thought he would be and was definately enjoying his wine. He was nice to everyone that came up and talked with him. He was abnormally excited about going to Q's (the pool bar next door). Oh wait, it was beer pong night. I'd be excited too!

SUNDAY, JUNE 8
Judy Greer (aka Kitty from Arrested Development) spotted Friday night at St Nick's Pub on 3rd st, sitting in a booth with friends. Had to stop myself from making a George Bluth reference.

MONDAY, JUNE 9
I love the show Mad Men, so what a thrill to spot Sterling Cooper honcho John Slattery getting his caffeine on at the Starbucks on Main Street in Santa Monica.

TUESDAY, JUNE 10
Former TV Superman Dean Cain swooping down into Beverly Hills for some shopping at Tom's Toys on Beverly Drive.

THURSDAY, JUNE 12
Saw John Corbett at LAX on Thursday. T-shirt, jeans, boots, with tinted Ray-Bans at the Hudson Books. Tall with a paunch that looks just right on him. Looks like a very hip carpenter. No one seemed to notice him even though he's a pretty big dude.

At the Palms in Vegas for a little work and a little fun, CineVegas is happening. I caught the opening night film, The Rocker, and went to the after party at Moon and the cast was there. Emma Stone is stunning in person, her waist is teeny and her skin is all Hollywood teen glow, she was hanging out with who I think was her mom. Jane Lynch was in a cool 50's style dress with pockets, lady is tall and very animated when she talks. Open bar here is a dangerous thing.

I was having dinner at the Mel's on Sunset Blvd. across from Ketchup. As me and my boyfriend got up to leave, I heard an easily recognizable voice. I look down and sitting at a booth with a couple of her friends was the star of Broadway's Wicked and ABC's Pushing Daisies, Kristin Chenoweth. She looked adorable as ever!

FRIDAY, JUNE 13
Around 8 am, I passed the front desk at The Palms and saw Dennis Hopper talking to who I assume was his assistant. He looks good for an older guy, white hair, sharply dressed, short and holding onto a bottle of water. I then head to the elevator and walk past Rainn Wilson in red wayfarers and a golf shirt, he's tall and funny looking, the same as one would imagine. Seemed like he had a long night and was asking where the Coffee Bean was. Later in the day, Bill Pullman came through the casino in a navy blazer, he stopped and took photos with people. There was a CineVegas anniversary party at the Palms Place pool. Hopper, George Maloof and tons of people were there including some guy with a cat perched on his shoulder and Britney Spears. She was seated in a cabana with a velvet rope in front of it where two HUGE security guys minded her and a few friends. She was in a black cocktail dress and sat sipping her drink and was surprisingly pretty. The fake tan didn't look so fake and she looked like she had been styled for the night. I wouldn't have noticed her had it not been for the rope. The whole thing was weird. Like walking past a diorama in the Natural History Museum...The Britney Exhibit. She sat watching the party happen and the party peered at her like she was some kind endangered species....and of course, Prince Paul kept interrupting his set to play her music. Tres surreal.

Jeremy Piven looking very chubby at Zen Zoo, on Vine.

Lunchtime in Beverly Hills near the Chipotle, I THINK I saw Jack Black coming down the sidewalk. He was carrying a bag of fast food, unlike other Bev Hills denizens, who carry bags of ugly empire-waisted dresses. I wasn't super certain it was him...but then I saw that belly, that belly that practically got second billing on Nacho Libre. I hope it was him as I said "Hello, awesome!" as we passed each other on the sidewalk. If it was just another chubby dude, then THAT was terribly embarrassing...

Luke Wilson looking extremely hot at my local pavillion supermarket in Santa Monica. Drove off in his illegally tinted silver porsche and while at the red light, kept raising and lowering his window like he couldn't decide if he wanted to be noticed. Looking very sexy tho.

SATURDAY, JUNE 14
Britney at Palms Place in Vegas. There with one of her enablers and a Russian bodyguard. She was chain smoking cigarettes and eating chicken fingers as she sat by the pool. It's true — she's all class.

Saw Giovanni Ribisi at the carwash on Vermont and Prospect. He smoked a cigarette and read a script while he waited for his car. He kept to himself and was completely unassuming so much so I almost feel guilty sending in this sighting. I wasn't able to see what type of car he drives as my car was finished before his.

At the valet stand at Planet Hollywood, I waited for my keys and looked to my left, there standing beside me was Kevin Federline. He's a little guy, wearing his requisite white t-shirt and baggy shorts. Wasn't impressed. Probably not a coincidence that Britney is in town too. Later that night at the Palms, I saw Bijou Philips perform at another CineVegas party. She sang for a little while and hung out by the pool, her voice wasn't half bad. Spotted Traci Lords waiting for an elevator in stilettos and a tight black dress, she has aged insanely well.

SUNDAY, JUNE 15
In Planet Hollywood, I saw Dwayne Johnson tan, lean and HOT coming down the main escalator going to a screening of Get Smart. He's tall and surprisingly good looking, not bulky or wrestler-esque. He stopped and signed autographs in the casino and had a seriously huge entourage.

Back at the Palms, I saw a sunburned Morgan Spurlock by the pool, handlebar moustache in full effect. Passed by Beastie Boy MCA (Adam Yauch) on the casino floor.

MONDAY, JUNE 16
I saw Vincent Kartheiser of Mad Men on the Continental redeye from Newark to LAX. He was dressed just like Pete Campbell in a brown suit and vintage skinny tie, and bopping around the terminal to whatever was on his iPod. Staying in his character's groove I guess, he was only slightly more subdued once on board (first class of course). Much better looking in person than on the show, but an occasional burger wouldn't kill him - the guy is rail thin.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18
Last night I saw doe-eyed indie goddess/ingenue Zooey Deschanel at the Rilo Kiley Show at the Greek. Looked absolutely stunning (and happy), wearing a gorgeous green dress.

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
As we were leaving Juvenex Spa in Manhattan at 9pm, Paris Hilton was just coming in. She was all dressed up and decked out. I guess with the stress of being Paris she needed a massage.

Saw Gwen Stefani and family (including her dad) enjoying dinner at Buddha's Belly on Beverly last night (6/19). Aside from the few annoying paparazzi outside, they were pretty much left alone. Gwen looked gorgeous without all of that caked on makeup!

boomp3.com

The Fly star Jeff Goldblum ushered in a bold new era in male fashion: going shirtless. Goldblum was unsatisfied with the quality of tailored shirts and just decided to go without one. Goldblum said, "I'm not sure it's as much of a fashion statement as it's a form of protest. Designers need to bring something more to the table if they would like their wears to grace this finely sculpted body." However, the Earth Girls Are Easy star left the Bev Hills boutique with a large bag, which was quite possibly full of shirts. When asked about his purchase, Goldblum replied, "I'm going to give these shirts a test with the ladies over at the Polo Lounge. Then we'll see if this shirtless fad continues."

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

In today's episode: Al Pacino; Lindsay Lohan; Jeff Goldblum; Jason Schwartzman, Illeana Douglas, Talia Shire, Roman Coppola, Robert Schwartzman, Kelly Osbourne, Busy Phillips; Josh Duhamel, Fergie, Jerry O'Connell, Rebecca Romijn, and Emmy Rossum; Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson; Paul Reubens; Vincent Gallo; Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Greg Grunberg; Serena Williams; Fred Willard; Jeremy Sisto, Eric Michael Cole, and James Kimo Wills; Rex Lee; Bryan Greenberg; Ian Ziering; Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown; Lisa Edelstein and Bingo the Dachshund.

· During late rush hour today (7-18), I and two friends were going east on Wilshire nearing La Cienega and I noticed this tousle-haired, slightly stooped guy standing in front of a restaurant. I could only see him from behind at first, but something about him made me keep looking at him. I thought he might be a homeless guy or something, and then as I passed him and looked back... and saw that it was none other than Al Pacino himself, talking on his cell phone. I don't really get starstruck, but there's really no actor that I'd rather spot. I told my traveling companions who I'd just seen, and they pulled over and walked back to get a glimpse. By that time he had sat down at one of the outdoor tables, and my friends reported that he was sitting with two attractive young women. I mean, Al Pacino, come on. Seriously.

· Tuesday, July 17th, I saw Lindsay Lohan at the Mel's Diner on Sunset at around midnight. She had two people sitting across from her, neither of them recognizable. She kept glancing at the door and at the paparazzi outside. It was like the end of the Sopranos, only without Journey power ballads and critical acclaim. I almost fell out of my booth trying to see her ankles - I didn't see any alcohol monitoring anklet. Maybe it's invisible.

· On Sunday morning (7-15) I saw Jeff Goldblum walk in and get close with our waitress at Jinky's in Hollywood. He's a tall *vernicious, **kanid. *by vernicious I mean "man" and **by kanid I mean "with long legs." She went running down the steps chasing him with an iced green tea that may potentially neutralize the PH balance of his hair which was leaking 5W-30 oil. I kid.

· At The Roxy's sold-out Rooney cd release show, Monday, July 16, scads of model types and hiptard boys everywhere the eye could see. Mixing in and out of the crowd (because the VIP section was overflowing and table seating sucks there) were:

1) Kelly Osbourne sporting a dark bob that is so much better than the pink hair of a few days ago. For the record, her skin is luminous and she is the size of any normal/non-celeb girl that you know. I would have expected her to be a fatty but she isn't at all. Small even. 2) Busy Phillips who looked really tired/sullen wearing the high-wasted mom shorts that are de rigueur and are unfortunate on any body type. Minus the shorts she looked really pretty and hung in the midst of the plebes the whole show. 3) Illeana Douglas in a short skirt looked great/hip for over 40 but had a hard time packing into the VIP section. Had to wait for people to exit before she was allowed to enter but was gracious about it. 4) Talia Shire (not surprising) in a light blue summer dress and matching cashmere button-up sweater. She looked frail but beautiful. She spent most of the night sitting up on one of the banquets rocking out as moms do. 5) Roman Coppola also not surprising but very exciting. Every time that I see him he is wearing a suit?!? Wonder if this is his attempt at the Bogdanovich ascot? Last night it was a light-colored summer suit that he accessorized with yellow-tinted sunglasses. He's lost a lot of weight and looked good/healthy. Seemed to be on a mission every time we squeezed by each other, not one for eye contact. 6) Jason Schwartzman opened for Rooney with his new solo-endeavor Coconut Records. Completely charming both while speaking and singing. Initially had on a hoodie but took it off to reveal a plain brown T, he wore his glasses the whole time. Geektastic. Rooney came out and played a few songs with him and he encouraged everyone to buy his brother's cd and to check out his new album. Pretty adorable actually (especially whilst dancing). As a side note, Rooney was really f'ing good. The set was tight and Robert Schwartzman has definitely grown up, boy ain't short on charisma (even though the rest of the band seemed comatose) and he can totally pull off the tight 70's-rocker/girl jeans.

· I just got home from the Fergie concert at the Wiltern (7/18) (hey, I'm a Rooney fan and was there for work). I was in the back, by the sound boards, where I had a terrific view of Josh Duhamel (of course) who was hanging out with adorable and super newlywed-esque couple Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell who were all lovely-dovey and super cute, dancing and singing along all set right next to us. Emmy Rossum was also by us, just down a ways, standing with a nerdier Zach Braff-type, but she was singing along and dancing the whole time as well.

· Spotted at the Ryan Adams show at the Wilshire Theatre last night (7/19): Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson, Jason Schwartzman. I'm too tired to make a pithy comment about Schwartzman's height.

· This is now the second time I've seen Paul Reubens at the Hungry Cat (Tues. 7/17). Either coincidence, or he really likes seafood and fresh juice cocktails.

· 7-18 Vincent Gallo @ Carnie's He was eating alone, bellbottom jeans, ate a burger and fries quickly, kept checking out my girlfriend (course she kept looking at him too); when he was done drove off in a Grandpa style burgundy Lincoln Continental (luxury cars that shift themselves...though not a Cadillac).

· Just got home from Dodgers v. Mets game. A friend managed to wrangle "Dugout Club" seats and we were right in front of Greg Grunberg (the sort of chubby one from "Heroes"). He was with 2 little kids who elbowed their way into a foul ball - I assume at least one of them was his. He was very gracious when the chicks next to him asked for his autograph. He was wearing what looked to be a promotional Blue Man Group windbreaker. Wtf? They left after like the 5th inning.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in the section next to us. He rejected my friend's request for an autograph by saying "I can't do that right now" but seemed nice enough. And so tall his legs were all out in the aisle.

Also, Dodgers lost.

· Two extremely random sightings this week. On Tuesday night, I was getting my Churro fix in Westwood Village when who should I see running from their white SUV into Sansai but Serena Williams. She looked good in jeans & a hoodie, but she had something on her wrist (tennis injury maybe?). She also looked to be in between hairstyles (if you know what I mean). Second time I've seen her in the Village. Maybe she works out at the Equinox?

Second, completely random sighting: driving down Washington Blvd in downtown Culver City last night and who should cross in front of our car but Fred Willard. I tried desperately to explain to my mum & sis who he was, but I could not think of the name of a single character he's played, only the movies themselves. Strangely enough I did not have to IMDB him (but I did anyway to confirm). It was dark, but he looked good.

· Cousin got married on Catalina over the weekend and I had a privacywatch cable movie trifecta. On the boat back to LB was Jeremy Sisto, the guy from Gia (Eric Michael Cole per imdb), and the Stu from Tao of Steve (James Kimo Wills per imdb) with a bunch of other dirty dudes. They were all pretty smelly and loud. I was the only one on the boat that knew we were in the presence of a trifecta; everyone else only recognized the Sisto one-fecta .

· Sunday, July 15th. Flying back from a wedding in Pittsburgh (yes, Pittsburgh), I saw Rex Lee (aka, "Lloyd!!" from Entourage) sauntering around the airport, obviously waiting for a flight. I thought I might see him on my flight back to LA, but he was nowhere to be found. What was he doing in the Pittsburgh airport at 7:30am? Odd. He's even shorter than you expect.

Same day, upon returning to LA, I had brunch at Doughboys on Highland. Sat outside near the hostess station, and Emmy Rossum popped around the corner to ask for a waiter, as they'd been sitting for some time without service. Her smile barely disguised her annoyance.

· Spotted Rex Lee, Lloyd of "Entourage", attending a film at the Showcase theater on Tuesday (July 17) as part of Outfest. Looks exactly like he does on TV and in this film festival crowd, a popular guy!

· Bryan Greenberg, that dude from the movie where Uma Thurman wants to knit his cock a hat, at 101 Coffee Shop, Thursday, July 19, 9 p.m. I did not want to knit his cock a hat.

· On Saturday night July 14 I saw Ian Ziering at Ritual. The guy is in his mid-40s and I always see him at the clubs and always with a nasty plastic bimbo. He didn't disappoint. He was with a butter-faced blond and looked like a sweaty mess. Brandon would be so disappointed

· July 16th, Monday Night on the Strip. Just before the Thailand/Happy Hollows show at the Viper Room, I stopped to get some pizza at Panini's across the street. While I waited to order, some nice-looking woman in her thirties walked right by me in a huff. Just as I blurted "I think that was Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown", I noticed an Eddie Murphy movie playing on their big-screen tv. He had the nappy short dreads thing going on—so one of the Doctor Doolittle epics? Bad memories for S.S., I guess. She looked a little better than she has in recent pics. Well-dressed, but not going for "hot". Pretty enough for her next back-up dancer/paramour, though.

· Saturday 14th- Lisa Edelstein (Dr Cuddy on House M.D.) at the Weinerschnitzel Weinerdog Races at the Los Alamitos Racetrack. Dressed in a miniskirt and cowboy boots cheering on "Bingo" with other assorted Silverlake hipster types. Yes, in Orange County.

Jeff Goldblum won a permanent restraining order Wednesday against a woman he claims has stalked him for years and appeared outside his house numerous times.

The order issued by a Superior Court judge says Linda Ransom must stay at least 100 yards from the 54-year-old actor, his home, workplace and vehicle.

In court papers filed Feb. 7, Goldblum said he did not know the 44-year-old woman. He claimed she had visited his home more than 50 times in recent months in what he called an "escalating pattern of harassing, threatening, and stalking behavior" since 2001.

In a six-page declaration to the court, Ransom stated she met Goldblum in 1999 at an acting school where Goldblum teaches and talked to him about a screenplay she was working on. On several occasions, she said she went to city venues where he played with his jazz band.

Ransom said she made repeated visits to Goldblum's house to "support my efforts to complete my research and screenplay as accurate as possible."

Why Goldblum chose now to finally file for a restraining order is not entirely clear, though there have been whispers that his beloved pet rabbit had been discovered lying dead on his front step with two brass brads plunged into its eyes. Meanwhile, Ransom's screenplay, working title: How I Instantly Fell In Love With My Future Husband After Watching 'The Big Chill' 278 Times In A Row In The Theater, and All The Fun and Wonderful Times We Are Going To Have Together Once He Realizes We Were Fated To Be Together, Oh Yes, We Will, Mark My Words, has been making the agency and studio rounds, and despite some overly expository passages and on-the-nose characterizations, it's been largely well received as a fresh spin on the stale romcom format.

[Photo: AP]

• Woman ordered to stay away from Goldblum [USAToday/AP]