Trying to give genre fare an ironic tweak is a hallmark of the hipster creative ethos, but usually delivered with a stink-face detachment that jokes at the genre's expense or calls attention to the falsity of its own conventions. Jonatham Ames, the wunderkind of literary post-post-modernism who created the show and provides the name for the hero (played by Jason Schwartzman) clearly loves detective novels in a real way. Sincerity is not something that the struggling artistic types depicted in this show do well, or connect with in their pop cultural fare. We can see a Williamsburg production of Murder She Wrote: The Musical, but never a straight up noir set on the Lower East Side.

The major problem is that Hollywood always tries to bottle the lightning of cool into some sort of simulacrum that is too watered down and false for those who inspired it, and too esoteric and elitist for those outside of it. Throw in some mystery stories and the formula for this show is two degrees away from what the mumblecore aficionados would consider in good taste. The thing that scenesters hate the most is anyone trying to lay claim to the label of the scenester or, blasphemy of blasphemies, spread its message outside of the barely gentrified ghettos where it is born.

A show has to walk a very careful line with hipsters, as Flight of the Conchords did brilliantly, of playing at story but not really acknowledging any world existing outside of its precious snow bubble.

But with Wes Anderson alumni Schwartzman, man of the moment Zach Galifianakis, and Ted Danson (and his hair system) playing a randy, drugged-out downtown scene fixture (that Ames said is based on George Plimpton) how can the hoodie and Converse set resist this pedigree? And they really shouldn't. The premiere episode was good for a few chuckles and shows promise for things to come. The action moved quickly and the characters well-drawn characters, even if they are a bit of caricatures of the Brooklyn types you'd find at a magazine launch party (if they still had those). Which poses another serious dilemma, will the cognoscenti have enough of a sense of humor to laugh at themselves?

We predict that, rather than ignoring the show altogether, those in the know will tune in rapturously, and then bitch about how horrible and unrealistic it is over PBRs. After all, the only thing hipper than liking something that's super cool, is hating something when everyone else thinks it is.

Below we evaluate the field and try to make sense of this all-important contest. Whose name are tomorrow's independent book store clerks going to scribble with little hearts around on in their mock-elementary school notepads?

The critical attributes: anemic complexion and disposition; fixed expression of terror at the big, scary world; credible devotion to obscure bands; still owns and fits into his childhood summer camp warddrobe. Past work with Kristen Stewart or Zooey Deschanel vital. Stutter strongly encouraged.

Candidates who were initially child stars have the strong advantage of being raised in hothouse environment which enforces stunted emotional development, like Catalina Island buffalo.

The Contenders:

Joseph Gordon Levitt
Strengths: Looks as though he has been protected from sunlight since birth. Had small role in hipster ironic landmark Family Ties. Appeared in two classics of hoodie cinema — Brick and 500 Days of Summer. In the latter, had a relationship with a girl based on their common love of The Smiths. Went to Columbia University where he studied French Poetry. Maintains a website on which he features short films.
Weaknesses: Also appeared in 3rd Rock From the Sun which is decidedly not part of the ironic canon. Didn't ever wear a hoodie in 500 Days.
Kristen or Zooey: Zooey in 500 Days.
The Morning Line: On paper, this kid has it all. Would be a serious contender for the title even if Cera were still at his height. The only question is has he peaked and revealed too many hipster credentials too fast?

Jesse Eisenberg
Strengths: Has perfected world class look of terror and befuddled amazement. Mother was a clown. Did entire film in 80's garb. Appeared in indie films while still very young.
Weaknesses: Despite perpetually adolescent jew-fro, mature range of expression is upsettingly evocative of burgeoning adulthood.
Kristen or Zooey: Kristen in Adventureland.
The Morning Line: A strong contender; making an 80's period piece was an inspired play to the hoodie base the importance of which can not be underestimated. However, outbreaks of adulthood can not be ignored and ultimately may prove crippling.

Emile Hirsch
Strengths: Mother designed pop-up books. Specializes in playing intense and offbeat dreamers. Learned how to skateboard for Lords of Dogtown.
Weaknesses: Cleans up a bit too well, as demonstrated in Speed Racer. Conventionally not quirkily handsome. Tends towards athletic, active characters.
Kristen or Zooey: Kristin in Into the Wild.
The Morning Line; Has some strong off-beat appeal but ultimately might have soaked up a bit too much California sunshine in his Malibu youth to effectively represent Hoodie Nation.

Jon Foster
Strengths: Hippie parents. Steady run of indie films. Broke into public view in a landmark young-man-confused-and-frightened-by-sex role in The Door in the Floor. Has experimented with alternative facial hair.
Weaknesses: About to go into the least hoodie realm in entertainment — CBS primetime sitcom land.
Kristen or Zooey: Neither, but appeared in The Informers with America's Ur-hoodette Winona Ryder.
The Morning Line: A long shot candidate, but if the front-runners falter, has some indie credibility.

Robert Pattinson
Strengths: British. No one does silently suffering better. Plays guitar.
Weaknesses: Way way too good looking.
Kristen or Zooey: Owns the Kristen franchise.
The Morning Line: Naming Pattinson Tweeheart would essentially be like the Republicans nominating Dennis Kucinich, but with a candidate this strong, stranger things have happened in politics. If Hoodie Nation feels itself in danger, it may be willing to take some extraordinary risks.

Jason Schwartzman
Strengths: A Tweeheart Emeritus, in the event of a deadlock, could come out of retirement to serve one more term.
Weaknesses: In Funny People made a fatal change in type from mopey guy to annoying roommate — a hard role to position yourself as a heart-throb.
Kristen or Zooey: Neither but appeared a short feature with Natalie, which is kinda the same.
The Morning Line: America loves a comeback, but in the end being the Tweeheart is a young man/boy's game.

And most of all we wish good luck to the hoodied girls of America who will make this fateful choice. Our future is in your hand.

In today's installment: Francis Ford Coppola and Pauly Shore (duh!), Tom Hanks, Bob Newhart, Warren Beatty, Woody Allen, Katherine Heigl, The Jonas Brothers, Forrest Whitaker, David Spade, Michael Cera, Johnny Knoxville, Rita Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, Rose McGowan, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, Bobby Trendy, Joshua Kelley, Kevin Farley, Tila Tequila, Robin Antin, Charlyne Yi and more.

MONDAY, JULY 28
· Very few people impress and awe me as I have lived here most of my life and work at a place where I see amazing people every day. However, Monday while I was trekking up Westwood Blvd to hit Un-whole Foods for lunch when my jaw dropped. Coming out of Rite Aid was none other than BOB NEWHART. It was such a total shock. He is a national treasure. He should be escorted around in a popemobile or something that fits his stature, not hobnobbing with mere mortals. Then, the next days, I was having an apres earthquake lunch with a friend at The Stand and, what do you think, she tells me that she just saw Bob at the CVS south of Wilshire! He seems to be making the rounds. Gotta love him!

TUESDAY, JULY 29
· FORREST WHITAKER indulging some fans outside ONE Sunset. Not as big as I thought he'd be.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 30
· I spotted JASON SCHWARTZMAN in the Staples on Sunset. He wasn’t holding any office supplies, but he did look like a man on a mission. Very handsome, although much smaller than I would have expected.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 1
· I was celebrating another lamb to slaughter (aka bachelorette) party on Friday night at the busted "club" Tao in Vegas that's in the Venetian/shopping mall. Our table and both area ended up being a thoroughfare for ho's who wanted to hop on a near-by platform type area that faced the DJ booth blaring out a medley of top 40 thru the years. FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA was sitting on the other side of our booth —just sitting— fat, old and alone and no one seemed to pay him much mind. I was still contemplating the surreal aspect of his presence and wondering why the fuck he would be wasting his time in such a lame place when I almost got knocked over by PAULY SHORE. I assumed he was in a crazed rush to get to FFC, imagining this as his moment to get on cinematic top due to a magical chance meeting with a great director at a club in a mall. I positioned myself to get a full view of their sure to be awkward exchange. It took PS about 10 minutes to get up the nerve to bumrush FFC and it was over quick. It soon became clear that the real story of the night was PS's apparent need to commute to Vegas for club pussy. He sat on the platform for hours grabbing and pawing at any tallish, blonde-ish Forever 21 dress model that danced within his grasp. I saw only one of them give him the hands-off, the rest all reacted quite favorably. It was truly incredible. I can only assume that Paulyy takes the LV tourism ads to heart. Perhaps rejected and dejected outside an LA club one night- a light went on..." Not only will I probably be able to get into clubs there -If everything that happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas..then surely some drunk, vacationing skanks will hit it with me!"
· Seinfeld's LARRY "THE SOUP NAZI" THOMAS having breakfast at Aroma Cafe in Studio City.
· WARREN BEATTY with two young girls (daughters?) and a blond
woman at Humprey Yogart in Sherman Oaks.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 2
· Saw RITA WILSON and TOM HANKS at the Century City Mall with, I think, their youngest son, walking by the Apple store. I recognized Rita first and wouldn't have known it was Tom until I heard him laugh. They looked like a nice, happy family. One of the more normal spottings I've had in this damn city.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 3
· As I was sauntering down the alley behind Fiesta Cantina on my way to one of the WeHo bars that looks like a W hotel, I came upon BOBBY TRENDY with two (real) girls giving advice to some 'roided out queen in a Mercedes convertible. They were assuring said queen that his outfit looked good. Note to 'roided out queen: do not take sartorial advice from fucking Bobby Trendy. He basically agreed you looked good in bleached, capris lengthed overalls (!) with a thin black belt and white espadrilles.
· I spotted the Skanksis of Evil: Piggez Hilton, ROBIN ANTIN of Pussycat Dolls 'fame' and gay rights pioneer, TILA TEQUILA at 11. Piggez was basking in the lamelight of the other two and wouldn't be surprised if he called the paps himself. Not all the cheap beer prices in the 'Ho could destroy those images. And don't you think i didn't try.
· Had multiple celeb sightings at the Dolly Parton concert at the Greek theatre Sunday night. First, saw KATHERINE HEIGL with hubby JOSHUA (who is surprisingly hot in person). JUSTIN CHAMBERS was with them as well. Katherine was wearing glasses, sun dress, looked nice. Waited in line for the bathroom like a normal person. Right after I saw them, a strikingly pale and plasticky looking chick walked by in a yellow dress...turns out it was ROSE MCGOWAN. She was with some dude who wasn't Robert Rodriguez...guess they really broke up, or he's not a Dolly fan. Finally, walking out I nearly bumped into JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, tall and haggard looking, which I guess is the result of beating the crap out of yourself for a living.
· Went to the amazing Dolly Parton show on August 3rd. Spotted a grey-haired JOHNNY KNOXVILLE (with daughter in tow?) and MR. AND MRS. KATHERINE HEIGL Hate to break it to you, but when a fan or two approached her, she seemed smiley and rather gracious. Or maybe I had too much wine.

MONDAY, AUGUST 4
· MICHAEL CERA and CHARLYNE YI having a late lunch at Mustardseed, just now. They were with two other guys I couldn't identify by the backs of their heads. I recognized Charlyne Yi first and then noticed the beloved George Michael whose hair was cropped super short, rendering him naturally incognito.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 5
· Saw those cute Menudo boys [Ed. Note - I'm assuming she means THE JONAS BROTHERS, because surely the members of Menudo can no longer be considered "cute", right?] being rushed to their Delta flight yesterday morn. Security had to grab them as so many little teen girls were hounding them. Gotta luv those boy bands!
· ASHLEE SIMPSON and PETE WENTZ at the Hush Sound show at El Rey Theatre. They chilled in the band's private booth upstairs with all Pete's friends.
· I spotted WOODY ALLEN outside the Los Angeles Shakespeare Theater offices downtown talking to comedian BRENTLY HEILBRON. Is it for this?

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 6
· DAVID SPADE (in mesh baseball cap & jacket... in August?) with KEVIN FARLEY at the Steve Miller show Wednesday at the Nokia. Not in the "pit", but close and either playing air guitar or making fun of the folks around them ... which was weird because they were there and clearly fans. (I got free tickets and figured what the hell, but I have to say Steve Miller is rock solid and clearly loved by his fans.)

In today's installment: Paula Abdul, Courtney Love, Diane Keaton, Salma Hayek, Jason Schwartzman, Forest Whitaker, Elliott Gould, Mischa Barton, Craig Ferguson, Seth Green, Luke Perry, William Peterson, Michael C. Hall, Peter Krause, Maria Sharapova, Robin Tunney, Craig Bierko, Ian Ziering, Rodger Lodge, Max Martini and John Calipari and more.

SATURDAY, JULY 5
· A strange duo at the LAX Luftansa business class counter around noon: Six Feet Under's PETER KRAUSE (and son, I presume) with The Unit's MAX MARTINI (again, with son). Both looking quite virile.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 23
· Tennis Darling/Nikon shiller MARIA SHARAPOVA shopping at the Anthropologie in El Seguendo Plaza. She was rummaging through racks and stacks like everyone else (Stars! There just like us.)

SATURDAY, JULY 18
· Saturday night at Bar Marmont, I saw my future ex-husband, MICHAEL C. HALL, of Dexter fame. He seemed shy, but very polite.

MONDAY, JULY 21
· DIANE KEATON, hand-in-hand with her adorable young son (looked 7 or 8), walking him in to day-camp at the Ocean Institute in Dana Point. Amidst the sun-aged, OC wanna-be MILFs, Diane looked sophisticated and straight out of Annie Hall in long sleeves, dress slacks, blazer, scarf, and felt hat.

TUESDAY, JULY 22
· I JACK STEHLIN (DEA Roy Till on Weeds, thx IMDB) at the Whole Foods on Barrington and National. He was helping two cute little girls (his daughters?) at the salad bar. He has very very blue eyes. Later, out in the parking lot, I saw ELLIOTT GOULD pulling into a parking space. Looks exactly like Elliott Gould pulling into a parking space.

THURSDAY, JULY 24
· I went to LAX last Thursday and saw WILLIAM H. PETERSON, dressed head to toe in black, including some sort of black baseball Castro-styled hat, and oddly because it was very warm, a dark scarf. He was so "incognito" it was hard to miss him. Of course no one noticed him anyway. I will say he greeted his driver very warmly - which was saved me from really being annoyed with his trying-so-hard-not-to-be-seen-that-of-course-you notice-him 'tude.
· 3:30 p.m.: RODGER LODGE, of Blind Date and sports talk radio fame, chatting with his wife while pushing a double stroller through the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Unshaven and dressed for the pool, but still quite manorexic and brow-waxed. Two kids under 4 years old scampering about and being loud. An animated thought bubble appeared over his head: "How did I get here? My God, what have I done?"
· Saw Memphis basketball coach JOHN CALIPARI talking on his mobile phone in front of the InterContinental Hotel in Century City this morning...Had a terrible tick and was mumbling something along the lines of "Guard Chalmers! Guard Chalmers!" No sight of Memphis Tiger bandwagoner Justin Timberlake.
· LUKE PERRY at El Toro Cantina on the Miracle Mile. With a pretty, skinny brunette, both totally into each other. Was disappointed to see he was wearing sweatpants, once he stood up to leave. He still looks amazing, not gonna lie.

FRIDAY, JULY 25
· Spotted SALMA HAYEK at the ArcLight looking terrific — didn't she just have a baby? She was with what looked like her girl posse ... did not see what movie they went to, but wanted to cheer girlfriend on for breaking the engagement to Francois-Henri Pinault.
· This is the type of star sighting that urban myths are made of. I saw COURTNEY LOVE, America's Sweetheart of babble-blogging used-to-be-rock stardom, shopping for paints in Cox Paints in Santa Monica. From behind a turnstile of Benjamin Moore samples came the raspy strains of a woman on the edge...the edge of re-painting the inside of her Malibu home with a cacophony of kaleidescopic colors in various finishes. The most important was finding a red that had to match something of the red glitter variety. Oh Courtney...you are bat s**t kooky crazy and skinny as an adolescent whippet which is exactly what I look for in a celebrity.
· 11:30 a.m.: CRAIG FERGUSON, CBS' wildly underappreciated and underpromoted late-night host, hunkering down in a corner of the Starbucks in the middle of the MGM Grand in Vegas. Wearing a black T-shirt and big, thick sunglasses while talking to a hot, age-appropriate blonde and being quite charming to people who recognized him. He's gonna grind Jimmy Fallon into haggis after NBC commits Lorne-assisted suicide next year.
· This morning at 10:00 am I ran into CRAIG BIERKO at the Beverly/Detroit Starbuck's. If I ever get a TV gig, I have to have his DP and makeup crew. For this lucky guy, the camera subtracts 10 pounds.

SATURDAY, JULY 26
· ROBIN TUNNEY at Dan Tana's for a birthday party with Heidi Klum's ex-husband Ric Pipino. Hairdressers get all the hot girls!
· I was coming out of The Dark Knight at Arclight and my friends and I saw one paparazzo take a picture of someone on our way to the parking garage. We had no idea who it was and kept walking to the elevators, when we got a closer look and saw it was MISCHA BARTON. She didn't look as emaciated as one would expect and was with a normal-looking guy who was about her height, maybe a little shorter. The guy seems to be an upgrade from her past men - he looked like he showered.
· IAN ZIERING is training a (his?) very well behaved shaggy dog by Cafe Primo on The Strip.
· Saw PAULA ABDUL at the Borders on Ventura in Sherman Oaks. She had a handful of books in one hand (Three Cups of Tea was the only one I could see the title of) and a coffee in the other. She was looking at the travel books and seemed alone. Planning a vacay maybe. Sundress, ponytail, pretty.
· Spotted SETH GREEN last night at a friend's Comic Con after party. Way shorter than expected and seemed to be unable to enjoy himself for fear that he would be recognized. Honestly, the whole place knew he was there and no one was bugging the guy. Ignored a friend who tried to strike up a friendly conversation with him outside the party. Acted like he was busy on the phone instead. Overall impression, lame.

SUNDAY, JULY 27
· Heidi Klum's current hubby SEAL at the Coffee Shop, downstairs at the BHH. Also spotted, real estate reality TV stars JOHN BERSCHI and KURT RAPPAPORT. JACK OSBOURNE also poked his head in, but wouldn't wait for a stool.

TUESDAY, JULY 29
· FORREST WHITAKER indulging some fans outside ONE Sunset. Not as big as I thought he'd be.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 30
· I spotted JASON SCHWARTZMAN in the Staples on Sunset. He wasn’t holding any office supplies, but he did look like a man on a mission. Very handsome, although much smaller than I would have expected.

In today's installment: Janice Dickinson, Quentin Tarantino, Ellen Page, Sarah Silverman, Jason Schwartzman, Scott Speedman, Gene Simmons, Kristen Bell, Rachel Zoe, Adam Levine, Mila Kunis, Seth Green, Stacy Keibler, Reggie Bush, Dave Holmes, Holland Taylor, Busta Rhymes, and Lil Wayne.

Tuesday, April 1
· Beverly Hills Post Office, Main Branch: Stacy Keibler in line ahead of me, and Holland Taylor in line just behind me. Both women were gorgeous in everyday makeup and neither seemed at all "above" standing in the ridiculously long line with the regular folks at the post office. I did notice that Ms. Taylor was sending a package to Martin Sheen; how adorable.

Friday, April 4
· 8000 Sunset, @ 9:30pm: Quentin Tarantino sits not inside the arthouse cinema but instead on the newly installed tacky "patio furniture" of the renovated plaza. Talks with a Lisa Loeb look-alike, but she has long black hair, and is not an actress type. They sit next to each other, but facing, on a park bench. Tarantino wears no hat, a black leather jacket, jeans, & black Asics soccer style low tops with white socks that I can see because of his awkward bench positioning. All I hear him say is a rat-a-tat-tat "Yeah, yeah, ..uh huh, of course" while jutting his chin out as Loeb-alike talks. Both hold paper coffee cups. The HQ for TMZ is in the same complex - I was hoping they would look out their window.

Saturday, April 5
· West Hollywood 7-11 on La Cienega and Holloway @ 5:50am: I ran into Busta Rhymes. He was riding shotgun in a red Cadillac CTX. (the 2 seater) His buddy bought a newspaper and he looked at a people magazine and contemplated buying batteries. I was buying Gatorade and coffee. I walked up to him and said "Bus a bus?" He did not respond for a second, I thought he might be talking to someone via Bluetooth. It was only him and I and the cashier. So I said "Busta of flipmode squad" He then turned toward me and laughed, said yes and gave me a bro's handshake then walked out.

Sunday, April 6
· Brewery Art Walk: Scott Speedman wandering about alone, looked confused, cute but much stockier in person than I would have expected. Still maintain Felicity should have ended up with Noel.

· Tampa International Airport @ 6pm: I had been to the NCAA Women's Final Four, aka Lesbian Super Bowl. I stopped to get a meal at TGI Fridays to help my hang over and lo and behold at the bar I see sex god (?) Gene Simmons! He was conspicuously leaning on the bar, facing out, scanning the restaurant. I couldn't get over his ridiculous hair.

Monday, April 7
· Hollywood And Highland: Treating some out-of-town relatives to the sight of other people's out-of-town relatives staring at the sidewalk, I took refuge at the Sephora. As weekend celeb sightings are rare, particularly at touristy places, I was a bit stunned to see Sarah Silverman browsing the skin care section. She looked just like she does on television, which is... or is not... a compliment.

· Beverly Center Chipotle @8pm: Reggie Bush. Short and stacked. Pretty sure the black on black Bentley in the fifteen minute parking was his. Unfortunately it can't compete with my '92 Subaru.

· Red Lion: Dave "I Wanna Be A VJ But for Some Reason Jesse Camp Won that Show but now he's working at a pet store or so I heard" Holmes was at Trivia Night (and even on the winning team). I don't know if they showed up especially for trivia or just happened to be there. He was with a group of about 12 completely average seeming people, including one guy that must have been his brother because they had the same vaguely smug but disarming look about them.

Tuesday, April 8
· Mani's on Fairfax @ 8pm: Saw Jason Schwartzman grabbing something to go from the bakery. Cute, short, almost as exciting as the delicious piece of cherry pie I was devouring mid-sighting.

· Graumann's Chinese Theater: I'm at Graumann's Chinese theater and I'm about 93% sure I am sitting behind Janice Dickinson. I have not seen her face, but she keeps yelling at the ads before the movie. Now I'm 100% sure. She keeps commenting loudly after every trailer. This was so worth the 11.50 per ticket. When she walked out of the theater she said "yawn" loud enough for pretty much everyone to hear. Awesome. Whore...she's also totally skeletal and ate two buckets of popcorn then left for a while. Bulimic coke whore...."

· WeHo Trader Joes, afternoon: i was in weho trader joes yesterday afternoon and i heard this woman on the phone talking loud and it bugged me so i looked and it was Rachel Zoe in the cereal section moving to the trail mix section stuffing her basket and talking but that wasn't the disturbing part, maybe she was feeding the homeless, not herself. but she was wearing this huge fur vest (i am not a activist but that vest could make me one) that looked like a bear was hugging her and these ridiculous shoes that she was trying to balance on and and her face was so well just so bloated looking.......people trust her to dress them?

· Hotel Cafe: Dancing With the Stars pros Mark Ballas and Derek Hough played with their band "Almost Amy." In attendance: The Cheetah Girls, Cristian de la Fuente, Cheryl Burke, Julianne Hough, Priscilla Presley, Kristi Yamaguchi, Shannon Elizabeth, Fabian Sanchez, Pasha (from SYTYCD). Derek and Shannon were looking particularly cozy after the show.

· Beverly Center Chipotle: None other than Weezy F Baby (Lil Wayne) in front of me after yet another Chipotle visit. He was in a Dodge Nitrosomething with 29s or 30s on it. I wanted to get out of my car and tell him what a huge fan I am but I was afraid of getting clapped.

Thursday, April 10
· Adam Levine, in a giant green cowl neck sweater, shorts, high socks and driving shoes; buying many spirits at Mayfair. He is slender and handsome enough to obviously not be drinking all that alone later.

· Was at the Forgetting Sarah Marshall premiere party last night, complete clusterfuck. Mila Kunis looked pretty and skinny. Kristen Bell looked pretty, skinny and really happy. Amber Heard.. skinny and wooden. Seth Green was short and friendly. The skinny guy from Superbad, the comedian with a gap in his teeth from Human Giants [Ed. Note - That'd be Paul Scheer]. Busy Phillips sort of channeling Anna Nicole. Paul Rudd - as dreamy as expected. Swoon.

Friday, April 11
· Hollywood Farmers Market: I saw Ellen Page at the Hollywood Farmers Market. She looked very Juno in a hoodie with the hood up. She was buying brussel sprouts or something similarly healthy. Good eating habits Ellen!

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

In today's episode: Kiefer Sutherland; Clint Eastwood and Zooey Deschanel; Ryan Gosling; Hilary Swank; Orlando Bloom; Shia LaBeouf; Jason Schwartzman; Laurence Fishburne; Adrian Grenier; Sarah Michelle Gellar; Christina Applegate; Wentworth Miller; Justin Chambers; Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani; Bradley Cooper; T.R. Knight; Tom Verica; Danny Bonaduce; John Hensley; and Danny Pintauro.

· Tues. 1/22, at Vermont in Los Feliz. KIEFER. Freshly sprung, and looking none the worse for all of that laundry duty. He was enjoying an early and relatively sedate dinner with a group of mostly male friends. Well-rested, clean-shaven, non-drinking. What is the world coming to?

· At the Whole Foods on Sepulveda in Sherman Oaks. I was checking out at the register and felt the customer behind me breathing down my neck. I turned to tell him to get out of my personal space when I realized that it was Ed Begley Jr. . That's a lame sighting but moments later he turned to say hello to a passing customer and it was no other than Clint F'n Eastwood. Clint looking good though the sweat pants were up a little high.

· I found myself at the Studio City In-N-Out for lunch today. As I'm getting in line, I spot Ryan Gosling sitting to the left eating a double-double. No, it wasn't protein style. I couldn't tell if he was eating fries, so I couldn't tell you if he's counting carbs. He was scruffy, wearing the non-working actor uniform of a flannel over a wife beater. His lunch date was a normal looking girl- I mean that as a compliment- she wasn't a Hollywood skank or looking like Ryan's fellow ex-Mickey Mouse Clubber Britney. He did most of the talking. An old man wished him luck on an Oscar win. I heard a few girls- they weren't really sure if it was him or not. He wasn't recognizable to most people in the joint. As I ate my double-double, I thought to myself- Brad Renfro and Ryan Gosling- 2 former kid actors , 1 dead, 1 a great actor. Ryan and the lady drove off in her red Chevy Cobalt sedan with Massachusetts plates. LA is great- A double-double is a double-double whether I'm eating it or Ryan Gosling's eating the same hamburger- doesn't matter if you're a movie star or a schlub like me- a double-double is still a double-double. (apologies to Warhol)

· While waiting in the Seattle airport for a return flight to LA last night (1/24), I noticed a pair of super cool boots in the crowd. When I looked up, I realized that they were attached to Hilary Swank. She is much more petite than I had expected and looked great without makeup or fancy clothes.

· Orlando Bloom at the 101 Coffee Shop this morning around 11 am with a few people. He was sitting at a booth facing the crowd - I love when celebs love being seen. No hiding here! Some chicks were chatting him up from the counter.

· 1/23 - On Wednesday morning, Shia LaBeouf stopped into Aroma in Studio City for a coffee. He looked freshly showered with his curly hair slicked back, and he was wearing a plaid shirt, jeans and sneakers in a retro way without looking like he's trying too hard. Nice.

· Sunday 1-20 at the Fairfax Whole Foods:

Almost collided into Zooey Deschanel in the cosmetics aisle. Very cute despite the Frumpy Boho look.

Then while perusing the soups in the deli section, a small group of small hipsters hailing each other. One of them was Jason Schwartzman looking like a hirsute elf. At the check out, my cashier asked his bagger if that was he, I nodded yes, then (the cashier) proceeded to tell everyone around him that it was Jason. The checker must have just moved to L.A., to be so starstruck. But then when I first moved to L.A., I was pretty excited over Loni Anderson.

· Met my best pal for breakfast today (Thursday, 1/24) at the S&W Country Diner in Culver City when who walks in and perches himself in the cramped corner of the counter by Laurence "Don't call me Larry" Fishburne. He wore a cloth golf jacket that would've looked good on a 74-year-old duffer at Hillcrest Country Club. Spent the whole time chatting on his cell, via a bluetooth. Dude looks completely ordinary in person.

· At the Coffee Table in Silver Lake today (1/15) and saw a scruffy, familiar face. Thought I knew him from some 12-step meetings or somewhere, but then realized it was Adrian Grenier from "Entourage". He was with a pretty blonde girl with indie-rock bangs who at one point was definitely crying. Thought he might be breaking her heart, but later she was smiling, so my friend and I figured it was more like her bird died or something. Oh, and last thing: I nominate Adrian for the new Kiefer. Not for debauchery, but for his Eastside ubiquitousness.

· January 15th at Hollywood hot spot Crimson. Sarah Michelle Gellar all decked out in a beautiful blue dress hanging out in the outside patio enjoying a cigarette with some other beautiful people in her party. Looked like they were celebrating something.

· Thursday, January 24, 4:40-ish

Christina Applegate looking very sad at the 7-11 on the corner of Holloway and La Cienega. Maybe it's because I got the last 1/4 pound Big Bite.

· 1/18/08- Perusing the aisles of dusty overpriced tchochkes in Pasadena's Camden Antiques, I looked up to see Prison Break's Wentworth Miller wandering about. Gay? Straight? Who cares. They guy is smokin' and the only desirable object I wanted to take home.

· saw the ridiculously hot JUSTIN CHAMBERS aka DR. KAREV on GREY'S ANATOMY, yesterday 1/21, on Little Santa Monica. he was walking by Sprinkles Cupcakes, wearing dark brown leather pants (in broad daylight? really?) and movie star sunglasses. he was carrying a pink Juicy Couture shopping bag.

if he wasn't so hot, i'd say he looked a little 'McDouche-y'.

· I spotted Gavin Rossdale, Gwen Stefani, and their monkey child at the Hollywood farmer's market this past Sunday. Ridiculously good looking family. Gavin is extremely fuckable in person.

· Bradley Cooper at Hal's at Friday lunch, 1-18-08. JFC. I need lube, now.

· t.r. knight (flocked by 4 very attractive men) at the 4:10 arclight showing of 27 dresses on saturday, 1/19. how cute, supporting the friend. but the movie wasn't that good to see it 2x so does that mean he wasn't invited to the premiere? scandalous.

· Jan 21 - Southwest Flight this morning to Salt Lake City saw Tom Verica. Had glasses (for reading, not for the sun), baseball cap and an iPhone. My kind of man.

· Monday, Jan 14th, Rock n' Roll Ralphs. Danny Bonaduce walked in front of my car, trying desperately to get away from a really pissed off dark-haired lass. I wish I could have stayed for the obviously brewing fight, but the line of cars behind me would not allow it. I haven't seen him since the late eighties, outside a valley bar where he—dressed in full leathers— solemnly mounted a moped and scootered off into the night. Classy.

· just saw matt (John Hensley) getting off a virgin america flight at lax (1/17) while i wait to board the same plane. he's way less tranny looking in person

· Weekend of fun gays — Danny Pintauro (Jonathan from Who's The Boss!!) at Friday night showing of 27 Dresses at Century City. Tiny, plaid shirt, screamed a lot. Also of note, someone totally puked at the Cloverfield showing that afternoon at The Grove. Yay?

In today's star-studded episode: Natalie Portman and Jason Schwartzman; Sandra Oh; Sean Penn; Ryan Phillippe, Eric Dane, and Ron Jeremy; David Spade; Mischa Barton, Nicole Richie, and Joel Madden; Matthew Perry, Allison Janney, and Melissa Fitzgerald; John Krasinski and Rashida Jones; Brian Grazer; David Beckham; Michael Vartan; Terry O'Quinn; James Denton; Henry Winkler; Jenna Fischer and David Alan Grier; Adrian Grenier; Juliette Lewis and Tyler Denk; Kristen Schaal and Rhys Darby; Andy Dick; Suze Orman; Danny Bonaduce; and Steven "Cojo" Cojocaru.

· The wrong of my never having a celeb sighting at M Cafe de Chaya was righted on Friday when we saw the tiny and lovely Natalie Portman with a super cutie who appeared to be her BF. (Homeboy has a sort of Jude Law-esque pretty thing going on.) Then as I was driving away I caught a glimpse of them in the parking lot, where it turned out they ran into her recent co-star, the also diminutive Jason Schwartzman. Or maybe they had plans to meet there but someone messed up the time of lunch or something.

On my way home I drove past Sandra Oh in her Prius. Those Grey's folks are always out and about in Los Feliz and environs.

· Just was on a plane (sunday, around 12) from san fran to los angeles with sean penn. He was in united first class, and was very nice to everyone.

· McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy was leaving Dan Tana's as I was walking in last night (10/4). Eric Dane? Is that right? In the restaurant, Ryan Philllipppe was having dinner with some friends who looked famous but I couldn't place them. And later Ron Jeremy sat down across from us with some business-looking guys. He talked loudly on his phone for a good 15 minutes. C'mon Hedgehog, it's a nice restaurant —unless it was the Surreal Life producers wondering if you'd be OK bunking with Ponch and Mini-Me, the call could probably wait.

· Visitors from out-of-town and celebrity sightings usually go hand-in-hand, both because you're in trendier spots and because famous people just seem to smell the type of people who will be excited to see them eating their lettuce leaves. That's my best explanation for last Saturday (10/6), because it was a big one. First, lunch at Barney Greengrass, Mischa Barton walks by our table to a more private one in the back of the patio. She is tall, gorgeous and exceptionally well-dressed in person, which sorta makes me hate her. She is then followed by Joel Madden and Nicole Richie, who are short and very teeny (even her pregnancy bump is teeny!). Nicole was wearing a hoodie to hide herself, but Joel's rawker gear sorta stuck out like a sore thumb. Then at dinner at The Ivy that night, David Spade was either meeting the mother of his really hot and really young girlfriend or out with his sister and his mom. Not sure which, but he was a perfect gentleman, waiting for the ladies to use the bathroom and then helping them down the stairs. So a big thank you to these four for giving my mom an US Weekly-tastic trip to Los Angeles!

· Mon 10/8 just spotted Matthew Perry ambling down the main street in The Grove. He's surprisingly tall. And not bloated. He was walking with a shorter dude with long hair and a hat, think he had a coffee. Maybe he'll be in the same showing of the movie we're seeing & I can spy on him some more

....so Matthew Perry WAS in my movie at The Grove (8:20 Michael Clayton). So was an actress who used to be on The West Wing—she played CJ's assistant (Melissa Fitzgerald). Then, on our way out, we spotted a rather blonde Allison Janney by the fountain. She was with a bunch of friends and I think she was rockin' a cane. Go figure. So it was West Wing Night at The Grove (since Perry guest starred on a couple episodes)!

· Jim and Karen have not broken up — they're eating cupcakes and ham and brie sandwiches at Joan's for Sunday brunch. Rashida Jones has the "I'm dating a famous guy" act down — making sure John Krasinski's hat is pulled way down, the white V-neck shirt properly untucked, and is shielded from the gaze of the 3rd street public by positioning him away from the door and covering the blind side with backs to the rest of the diners. RJ clearly knows how to coddle a male star ... ordering the food, aggressively finding proper seating, etc.. They sat at the community table and it looked to be a cause for serious concern. RJ is pretty cool looking — severely moisturized olive skin, greenish-blue-something or other color eyes, knee high boots with a grey, slightly frumpy hipster dress, taller than I thought she would be (my expectations were low — for some reason I thought she was half midget) — and seemed like one of the boys, cracking jokes and laughing when expected to. Bravo. Krasinski — sporting huge, gigantic, monster, shield-your-eyes-white chopper teeth, a freakishly large smile, surprisingly tall and lanky — looks like a cartoon character, not a human being. It's impossible to state how ill fitted his mouth is to the rest of his head. It takes up about 50 % of the space above the neck. They were with two geeks.

· 10/6 Brian Grazer superproducing a few Double-Doubles at In-N-Out on Sunset and Orange with a friend and two kids. They walked across the drive-thru lane right in front of me and it was as the closest I've come to the rapture.

· Just got back from Mastro's tonight (10/7) and David Beckham was there with a couple of those cute little boys and an older couple. No Posh, though, unfortunately.

Also, last night (10/6) at Bar Lubitch we saw Michael Vartan. Big weekend!

· Flight from Burbank to Denver 9/28 saw James Denton (Mike Delfino, Desperate Housewives). Flight from Denver to Omaha (!?) saw the Fonz, Henry Winkler in first class. EARLY MORNING flight from Omaha to Denver on 9/30 saw Emmy winner Terry O'Quinn (Locke, Lost).

· Saw David Alan Grier at the Burbank Ikea on 10/7 with a beautiful, pregnant Asian lady. Looked like he was there as a favor, like it probably wasn't his preferred shopping venue. Walking through housewares, same Ikea same day, was Pam from the Office, aka Jenna Fischer. She looked a lot happier to be there.

· Belated sighting...I visited your fine city the weekend of Sept 22nd-24th. Saturday afternoon we crossed paths with Adrian Grenier immediately upon arrival at the Roosevelt valet. He seemed nice enough when confronted with some fawning, spray-tanned admirers (Older man: "Excuse me, but my son is such a huge fan!" Older woman: "We're ALL huge fans!"). Around 2pm on Sunday we saw him again (!) when we were parked on Maltman off Sunset, readying a list of apartments to check out. He was walking ahead of his blond girlfriend (google says her name is Melissa Keller), but talking to her. She was far enough behind him that he looked all crazy, talking to himself. I think they had just had brunch at Madam Matisse, red-sweatered dog in tow. They drove away in a silver prius. I thought it was funny that his curly mane matched his surrounding location. All groomed & shiny at the Roosevelt, then disheveled in Silver Lake. Wacky.

· On a Sunday spent going into random open houses, stopped by one on Bronson in Beachwood Canyon that was way out of my price range. As I walked around I heard the grating, nasal voice of Juliette Lewis and, sure enough, Juliette was scoping out the place with one of the model guys from The Amazing Race a couple seasons ago, who my friend has ascertained is Tyler Denk. Apparently they are dating? Or maybe he is considering joining The Church and she's being a good sport and showing him places in close, inescapable proximity to the Centre... Hmm... apparently I have been informed by my friend that Tyler Denk and Juliette Lewis were there independently of one another, although that's not necessarily what it looked like to me.

· At the Brewery Art Walk downtown on Saturday, I saw Rhys Darby and Kristen Schaal (Murray and Mel from Flight of the Conchords) discussing art things with a studio owner. She had on a cute little black dress and looked lovely. He looked kind of hipster-ish with jeans, a button down shirt, a cap and a little scruffiness. The best part is that Kristen Schaal sounds exactly the same as she does on the show. Love them both and love the show!

· I saw Andy Dick at The Magic Castle last Wednesday (Oct 3). He was a total jerk. Talking loud during the shows, heckling the magicians...I heard someone say he was almost thrown out of the closeup room. At one point a magician told him (or maybe it was one of his equally rude entourage) to "shut up" and the audience applauded. When I left at about midnight he was at the bar. I'm always a little skeptical of stories about "bad star behavior," but I saw it for myself. Andy Dick is a dick.

· Sat., Oct 6, at the Eagle Rock Music Festival—Suze Orman (Oprah magazine money guru and middle America's 2nd or 3rd favorite lesbian) waving her hands in the air like she just didn't care and greeting friends—seemed happy and very financially secure.

· Saw Danny Bonaduce at the Farmer's Market Sunday evening (10/7). He appeared to be doing loops in an attention seeking way. I wanted to somehow let him know that I was a big fan of his Fairplay toss off, but I was sort of scared of the guy. Looks very tightly wound. He was with a woman with dark hair, not his gold digging ex though.

· Friday night at Akbar, I very drunkenly nearly walked into Steven "Cojo" Cojocaru, who seemed to be nervously surveying his environment and suggesting something to his companion along the lines of, "Let's go...over...there...Away from this person drunkenly examining my plastic surgery scars two inches from my face."

In today's episode: Jason Schwartzman; Justin Timberlake; Dominic Monaghan; Alicia Silverstone and Jemaine Clement; Tony Hale; Billy Baldwin; Harry Dean Stanton and Ron Jeremy.

· 9/19 at 5:30ish, a preppily dressed (i.e. chino shorts) Jason Schwartzman pulled up to metered space in front of Sprinkles in a dirty Prius. He was instantly recognizable and quite short. He appeared to contemplate waiting or cutting in the really long line but then walked elsewhere. He had a cane and dance shoes in the front seat, a Jansport backpack & an APC shopping bag in the back. Overheard a tourist in the Sprinkles line noting that he was walking as if his butt hurt.

· This may be too old to post but it's a goody. I saw Justin Timberlake the day after the VMA's, on the night of his cancelled performance (9-10), at Kasu-ya sushi in Studio City. He was with two girls, maybe publicity chicks. They were not hot and he looked bored. He was very 'Au Bon Pain' in hideous jean shorts and a hoodie. Au Bon Pain means if he was working there, no one would think he was cute.

· September 20, 4:15 I was standing out on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette when I spotted this cute young man walking in front of West Elm on 4th Street in Santa Monica. It was Dominic Monaghan, the hobbit from Lost. Anyway, he was wearing these tight little jeans that drooped down in back exposing a good three inches of very nice red paisly boxers - they might have been silk. As he checked out the windows of West Elm, I said, perhaps a bit too out loud, "Oh my, isn't that lovely?" And he pulled his pants up before walking into Michael's Art Supplies. I was going to follow him in but needed to get back to work so I'll have to wonder if he was picking up scrapbooking supplies, shrinky-dinks or perhaps artificial flowers so that his LA digs will feel more like Maui.

· At the New Pornographers show last night (9/19), was up on the roof of the Henry Fonda, in the loungey outdoor couch seating area toward the end of the show, and so was Alicia Silverstone with an entourage of older dreadlocked white guys. Huh. Anyway, she looks very skinny — kind of scary skinny — but she was happy and giggly and looked totally normal for a celebrity. I'm also pretty sure I saw Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords by the bar on the first floor, but I'm not as sure about that one.

· Tony Hale (Buster from Arrested D) at Trader Joe's in Silver Lake yesterday afternoon (Mon. 9/17) with his wife and adorable little daughter. Nice that he takes advantage of a flexible work sched to help out with the household shopping duties.

· Billy Baldwin out with his co-star Candis Cayne (a real transgendered actress playing Baldwin's transgendered mistress on "Dirty Sexy Money") Out at Advocate Party last Tuesday night at Republic.

· 9/12 - Walked into Dan Tana's a little past midnight only to find ever-so-attractive Ron Jeremy hovering at the front door. Later he was joined in a booth by a couple that could only be described as crack-chic. Meanwhile, lurking at the bar was Harry Dean Stanton in a menacing way.

In today's episode: Al Pacino; Lindsay Lohan; Jeff Goldblum; Jason Schwartzman, Illeana Douglas, Talia Shire, Roman Coppola, Robert Schwartzman, Kelly Osbourne, Busy Phillips; Josh Duhamel, Fergie, Jerry O'Connell, Rebecca Romijn, and Emmy Rossum; Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson; Paul Reubens; Vincent Gallo; Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Greg Grunberg; Serena Williams; Fred Willard; Jeremy Sisto, Eric Michael Cole, and James Kimo Wills; Rex Lee; Bryan Greenberg; Ian Ziering; Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown; Lisa Edelstein and Bingo the Dachshund.

· During late rush hour today (7-18), I and two friends were going east on Wilshire nearing La Cienega and I noticed this tousle-haired, slightly stooped guy standing in front of a restaurant. I could only see him from behind at first, but something about him made me keep looking at him. I thought he might be a homeless guy or something, and then as I passed him and looked back... and saw that it was none other than Al Pacino himself, talking on his cell phone. I don't really get starstruck, but there's really no actor that I'd rather spot. I told my traveling companions who I'd just seen, and they pulled over and walked back to get a glimpse. By that time he had sat down at one of the outdoor tables, and my friends reported that he was sitting with two attractive young women. I mean, Al Pacino, come on. Seriously.

· Tuesday, July 17th, I saw Lindsay Lohan at the Mel's Diner on Sunset at around midnight. She had two people sitting across from her, neither of them recognizable. She kept glancing at the door and at the paparazzi outside. It was like the end of the Sopranos, only without Journey power ballads and critical acclaim. I almost fell out of my booth trying to see her ankles - I didn't see any alcohol monitoring anklet. Maybe it's invisible.

· On Sunday morning (7-15) I saw Jeff Goldblum walk in and get close with our waitress at Jinky's in Hollywood. He's a tall *vernicious, **kanid. *by vernicious I mean "man" and **by kanid I mean "with long legs." She went running down the steps chasing him with an iced green tea that may potentially neutralize the PH balance of his hair which was leaking 5W-30 oil. I kid.

· At The Roxy's sold-out Rooney cd release show, Monday, July 16, scads of model types and hiptard boys everywhere the eye could see. Mixing in and out of the crowd (because the VIP section was overflowing and table seating sucks there) were:

1) Kelly Osbourne sporting a dark bob that is so much better than the pink hair of a few days ago. For the record, her skin is luminous and she is the size of any normal/non-celeb girl that you know. I would have expected her to be a fatty but she isn't at all. Small even. 2) Busy Phillips who looked really tired/sullen wearing the high-wasted mom shorts that are de rigueur and are unfortunate on any body type. Minus the shorts she looked really pretty and hung in the midst of the plebes the whole show. 3) Illeana Douglas in a short skirt looked great/hip for over 40 but had a hard time packing into the VIP section. Had to wait for people to exit before she was allowed to enter but was gracious about it. 4) Talia Shire (not surprising) in a light blue summer dress and matching cashmere button-up sweater. She looked frail but beautiful. She spent most of the night sitting up on one of the banquets rocking out as moms do. 5) Roman Coppola also not surprising but very exciting. Every time that I see him he is wearing a suit?!? Wonder if this is his attempt at the Bogdanovich ascot? Last night it was a light-colored summer suit that he accessorized with yellow-tinted sunglasses. He's lost a lot of weight and looked good/healthy. Seemed to be on a mission every time we squeezed by each other, not one for eye contact. 6) Jason Schwartzman opened for Rooney with his new solo-endeavor Coconut Records. Completely charming both while speaking and singing. Initially had on a hoodie but took it off to reveal a plain brown T, he wore his glasses the whole time. Geektastic. Rooney came out and played a few songs with him and he encouraged everyone to buy his brother's cd and to check out his new album. Pretty adorable actually (especially whilst dancing). As a side note, Rooney was really f'ing good. The set was tight and Robert Schwartzman has definitely grown up, boy ain't short on charisma (even though the rest of the band seemed comatose) and he can totally pull off the tight 70's-rocker/girl jeans.

· I just got home from the Fergie concert at the Wiltern (7/18) (hey, I'm a Rooney fan and was there for work). I was in the back, by the sound boards, where I had a terrific view of Josh Duhamel (of course) who was hanging out with adorable and super newlywed-esque couple Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell who were all lovely-dovey and super cute, dancing and singing along all set right next to us. Emmy Rossum was also by us, just down a ways, standing with a nerdier Zach Braff-type, but she was singing along and dancing the whole time as well.

· Spotted at the Ryan Adams show at the Wilshire Theatre last night (7/19): Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson, Jason Schwartzman. I'm too tired to make a pithy comment about Schwartzman's height.

· This is now the second time I've seen Paul Reubens at the Hungry Cat (Tues. 7/17). Either coincidence, or he really likes seafood and fresh juice cocktails.

· 7-18 Vincent Gallo @ Carnie's He was eating alone, bellbottom jeans, ate a burger and fries quickly, kept checking out my girlfriend (course she kept looking at him too); when he was done drove off in a Grandpa style burgundy Lincoln Continental (luxury cars that shift themselves...though not a Cadillac).

· Just got home from Dodgers v. Mets game. A friend managed to wrangle "Dugout Club" seats and we were right in front of Greg Grunberg (the sort of chubby one from "Heroes"). He was with 2 little kids who elbowed their way into a foul ball - I assume at least one of them was his. He was very gracious when the chicks next to him asked for his autograph. He was wearing what looked to be a promotional Blue Man Group windbreaker. Wtf? They left after like the 5th inning.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in the section next to us. He rejected my friend's request for an autograph by saying "I can't do that right now" but seemed nice enough. And so tall his legs were all out in the aisle.

Also, Dodgers lost.

· Two extremely random sightings this week. On Tuesday night, I was getting my Churro fix in Westwood Village when who should I see running from their white SUV into Sansai but Serena Williams. She looked good in jeans & a hoodie, but she had something on her wrist (tennis injury maybe?). She also looked to be in between hairstyles (if you know what I mean). Second time I've seen her in the Village. Maybe she works out at the Equinox?

Second, completely random sighting: driving down Washington Blvd in downtown Culver City last night and who should cross in front of our car but Fred Willard. I tried desperately to explain to my mum & sis who he was, but I could not think of the name of a single character he's played, only the movies themselves. Strangely enough I did not have to IMDB him (but I did anyway to confirm). It was dark, but he looked good.

· Cousin got married on Catalina over the weekend and I had a privacywatch cable movie trifecta. On the boat back to LB was Jeremy Sisto, the guy from Gia (Eric Michael Cole per imdb), and the Stu from Tao of Steve (James Kimo Wills per imdb) with a bunch of other dirty dudes. They were all pretty smelly and loud. I was the only one on the boat that knew we were in the presence of a trifecta; everyone else only recognized the Sisto one-fecta .

· Sunday, July 15th. Flying back from a wedding in Pittsburgh (yes, Pittsburgh), I saw Rex Lee (aka, "Lloyd!!" from Entourage) sauntering around the airport, obviously waiting for a flight. I thought I might see him on my flight back to LA, but he was nowhere to be found. What was he doing in the Pittsburgh airport at 7:30am? Odd. He's even shorter than you expect.

Same day, upon returning to LA, I had brunch at Doughboys on Highland. Sat outside near the hostess station, and Emmy Rossum popped around the corner to ask for a waiter, as they'd been sitting for some time without service. Her smile barely disguised her annoyance.

· Spotted Rex Lee, Lloyd of "Entourage", attending a film at the Showcase theater on Tuesday (July 17) as part of Outfest. Looks exactly like he does on TV and in this film festival crowd, a popular guy!

· Bryan Greenberg, that dude from the movie where Uma Thurman wants to knit his cock a hat, at 101 Coffee Shop, Thursday, July 19, 9 p.m. I did not want to knit his cock a hat.

· On Saturday night July 14 I saw Ian Ziering at Ritual. The guy is in his mid-40s and I always see him at the clubs and always with a nasty plastic bimbo. He didn't disappoint. He was with a butter-faced blond and looked like a sweaty mess. Brandon would be so disappointed

· July 16th, Monday Night on the Strip. Just before the Thailand/Happy Hollows show at the Viper Room, I stopped to get some pizza at Panini's across the street. While I waited to order, some nice-looking woman in her thirties walked right by me in a huff. Just as I blurted "I think that was Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown", I noticed an Eddie Murphy movie playing on their big-screen tv. He had the nappy short dreads thing going on—so one of the Doctor Doolittle epics? Bad memories for S.S., I guess. She looked a little better than she has in recent pics. Well-dressed, but not going for "hot". Pretty enough for her next back-up dancer/paramour, though.

· Saturday 14th- Lisa Edelstein (Dr Cuddy on House M.D.) at the Weinerschnitzel Weinerdog Races at the Los Alamitos Racetrack. Dressed in a miniskirt and cowboy boots cheering on "Bingo" with other assorted Silverlake hipster types. Yes, in Orange County.

In today's episode David and Victoria Beckham; Dustin Hoffman, James L. Brooks, and Amanda Peet; Keannu Reeves and Claire Forlani; Britney Spears; Julian McMahon and Adam Levine; Seth Rogen; Jason Schwartzman; Jason Lee; Derek Fisher; Richard Chamberlain; Andy Richter; Marcia Cross; Jason Biggs; Sandra Oh; Ron Jeremy; Chris Noth; Kenneth "Babyface" Edmunds, Tom Arnold, Dax Shepherd, Josh Randall; and Shirley Manson.

· Front & Center (Thurs 7/12) at the waaayyy warped "freedom of the press" on display as David & Victoria Beckham arrived via British Airways to the third world enclave that is the Arrivals Hall at Tom Bradley International Terminal (Terminal B) LAX. She - surprisingly demure and cordial / He - surprisingly SKINNY, but yeah a nice looking couple with 3 kids...however, WHAT is their allure? Very strange...considering our soccer stadium is in Carson , CA ...Compton adjacent...?? and they are "famous" because of his soccer playing...?? Mummy & Daddy were prepped and escorted out a side exit, whereby the children could exit the front doors to their waiting vehicles without the glare of the PIGNORANT PAPARAZZI!! (I mean there are COFFINS coming into airports back east carrying REAL HEROES...and the paps / press salivate over a "Victoria Beckham" or a "Paris Hilton". Strange. Very strange.)

· Thursday Night 7/12: Osteria Mozza:
Investor Dinner:
-Amanda Peet w/ husband & asst. friends.
Dustin Hoffman w/ his kids.
-Producer/Director James L. Brooks.
All there for the 8:30 PM seating & FREE Dinner , incl. wine, before
they opened to the public on Friday.
All looked happy & ate alot (of free food & wine)!

· Saturday July 14, Arclight Theaters. We wre there for a 5:10 showing of Transformers. Definitely not there for a 5:10 showing of Transformers, Claire Forlani and Keanu Reeves. I actually only saw Claire Forlani who is gorgeous and skinny but not scary skinny. When I don't have my glasses on people's faces are blurry so I tend to stare if I think I recognize someone, so I was staring at her and quickly looked away when I realized I only knew her because she was famous. Thus I did not see Keanu, but my sister told me after that is who she was with.—Says sister, "He looks really good...really, really good."

· Fri 7/14 - Ritual
Got a tip from a friend that Britney Spears was there and sure enough . . . I wandered over to the VIP area in time to see a couple huge security guys escort her straight to the back bathroom. No sighting of the new tiny dog.

Sat 7/15 - Roosevelt Hotel Pool
Julian McMahon (Nip/Tuck) walked through the pool area in a suit looking way good.
Later, Adam Levine - SO skinny - came through with a few people. He has a little flock of seagulls haircut but otherwise cute.

· 7-15-07, around 3:45PM Insomnia coffeehouse on Beverly. As a dozen or so of us wanna-be screenwriters spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon plunked in front of our laptops, Seth Rogen and his girlfriend wander in. No one seems to take any notice. Seth was wearing sunglasses, dressed like every other semi-chubby hipster guy in L.A.. His girlfriend was cute in a non-actressy way. I wasn't 100% sure it was him until I heard his distinctive Canuck voice. He and his girl got their drinks then skedaddled out before anyone could pitch him their scripts. Once he was gone, everyone whispered to each other verifying that we'd all just been in the presence of Apatow's Annoited One.

· 7-15 In line at the Egyptian for a documentary on Harry Nilsson, as part of their Mods and Rockers series, I saw Jason Schwartzman, picking up his tickets right next to me. He was looking good, with his usual 7-day stubble. I really had no idea he was that short, though. Had a perfectly cute, but average looking girl with him.

· Monday jul 16th — Jason Lee decked out in "My Name is Earl" plaid-ness yet again. He was with a small group of friends..didn't recognize any of the others. They were at Rooney's CD release party at the Roxy, checking out Jason Schwartzman's musical project Coconut Records, who opened up. (His baby brother Robert is Rooney's lead singer and was in The Princess Diaries and The Virgin Suicides). Jason (Lee) and his gang were very amused when Jason (Schwartzman) sang a song with just an iPod and requested that the venue turn off all the lights so he could dance with a flashlight. It was pretty damn awesome.

· I saw ex-now-future Laker Derek Fisher at Saks in Beverly Hills today (7/13). I almost pooped myself. I mean, D. Fish, Mr. .04 himself was at the counter buying some ties. I even think one was in Purple and Gold. Bonus, I got a Dolce & Gabbana suit half off! I still think Kobe is going to leave...

· 7/14 & 7/15 - I don't know if you kids will appreciate this but... I saw Richard Chamberlain (Dr. Kildare, Thorn Birds, Nip/Tuck and he was the original Jason Bourne!) shopping for electronics at Century City on Saturday afternoon. Early Sunday morning, I spotted a solo and sans suspenders Larry King (watch him voice a bee version of himself in Bee Movie this fall!) strolling down Rodeo and heading into his fave place to nosh - Nate 'n Al's.

· While dining at delightful eastside bistro Blair's (7-16), caught a flash of Andy Richter, star of tragically short lived shows Andy Richter Controls the Universe and Andy Barker, PI, entering the "new" dining room. He was by me so quickly that I couldn't see what he was wearing or who he was with, but I would know that former Conan sidekick anywhere. I did not at any time consider shouting a quote from one of his sitcoms at him as he passed, as is the custom of my fellow privacywatchers.

· I saw Marcia Cross shopping in the Pacific Palasades July 12. I wish I could tell you which store, but I only remember that it was overpriced and the sales ladies gave me dirty looks as I touched their wares with my jam hands.

· @ Beverly Hills Benihana on 7/16 for a cooking show with the same 5 tricks for the last 30 years. Spotted Rebecca De Mornay with a bunch of children. She seemed out of it (exactly like I am after John From Cincinnati), She was nursing a couple of martinis and correcting her children's posture. She didn't seem to mind when her kids disappeared for 10 minutes while she toyed with her cellphone.

· Jason Biggs at All'Angelo on Melrose tonight (Sat. 7/14) with three people. Six or seven years ago the would've been an, er, bigger sighting than it is now, unless he's had some major recent career achievements I've missed out on.

· Tuesday, July 10 (a bit late, sorry): Saw Ron Jeremy with a much younger, dark-haired female companion at the Hollywood Bowl. Was a bit surprised, as it was classical music night, but I guess he likes Tchaikovsky, too.

Saturday, July 14: Saw Sandra Oh and assorted friends (and probable boyfriend) at the Hotel Cafe. She is very tiny in person — I am 5' 4" and was towering over her as she brushed past me.

· On Wednesday night I was drinking a Corona at the Cheetah, trying to estimate how many outfits each of the girls had, when suddenly, the sky parted angels sang hymns, and a hedgehog walked in. Yes, Ron Jeremy himself walked in. The giant sucking sound was the sound of every girl in the place running to meet him. I had hoped he was there to guest star in a floor show but it wasn't to be. Oh well. Mercedes was good for two songs.

· I had a "this dude looks way too much like Chris Noth not to be Chris Noth" sighting at the Peets at Sunset and Larabee today (7-16). I do have to say that the man is looking pretty good for his 50-some-odd years. He should definitely keep the beard.

· Saturday night, July 14th @ Arclight: Producer extraordinaire Kenneth "Babyface" Edmunds leaving one of the upper movie screens with his wife. Then inside the 4:45 Rescue Dawn showing, Dax Shepherd and Tom Arnold together, and Josh Randall (he was in the NBC TV show "Ed". I think he was the doctor).

· Saturday 7/14 — after 7 pm... my friend and I had just bought a ticket at the Arclight Cinemas. We walked north on Vine towards Kabuki's for a pre-movie dinner .... And right outside Borders Books, we pass 4 people heading south. I noticed the Redhead with the wild eye make-up - just as my friend said "Thats Shirley Manson of Garbage". I did not see where she had been or where she was going. Last I saw her and the three people she was with, they were crossing Sunset Blvd.