Genius director Alexander Payne is going a bit Charlie Kaufman-esque with a film called Downsizing, about a man (Paul Giamatti) who decides to shrink himself to preserve his health. Reese Witherspoon meets cute with him along the way, and Sascha Baron Cohen plays a strange, tiny foreigner. Sounds twee. And wee! [Variety]

Keira Knightley will be starring in a movie version of Kazuo Ishiguro's sci-fi chamber piece Never Let Me Go—a scary and ponderous book—to be directed by Mark Romanek, who did scary and ponderous before, to middling effect, with One Hour Photo. Knightley, in my estimation, is actually pretty decent casting. [EW]

Arrested Development smirker Jason Bateman has just signed on to the Jason Reitman comedy Up in the Air (based on snark-defender Walter Kirn's novel), about a man (George Clooney) who is obsessed with frequent flier miles. Sounds zany!!!!! [Variety]

Young Loren Dean, who had some coulda-been-big opportunities in the 90's movies like Mumford and Gattaca, never quite made it. Ah well. He'll be starring alongside the inexplicably-made-it Hillary Swank in her exoneration pic Betty Anne Waters, currently filming in Ann Arbor. Pack a sweater, Loren. [THR]

Stars of old and relatively new will be joining the basically useless Entourage next season. Jami Gertz, who commingled with your Jason Patric vampire sex fantasies in The Lost Boys (or maybe your Bill Paxton/tornado fantasies in Twister), will play the wife of Gary Cole's sadsack agent character. And the delightful Autumn Reeser from The OC will play a junior agent at Miller/Gold. Good news for them, bad news for us that there's to be another season of all that limp bro blustering. [THR]

Ah even more sorta-forgotten actors getting brief glimmers of hope only to have most of it dashed. Still, good for you Julie Bowen, Scott Wolf, Jonathan Silverman, and Sabrina's Aunt Zelda (and Kate's mom from Lost), Beth Broderick. You'll all be heroes for at least a week. [THR]

Following in that vein, Kim Raver (Lipstick Jungle) and Alyssa Milano (Gold Rush: A Real Life Alaskan Adventure) have also landed pilot roles. Raver in Shonda Rhimes' already-annoying TV news drama Inside the Box, Milano in an "Untitled Ricky Blitt comedy" about a telemarketer. [THR]

Despite the fact that nearly every cast member has signed on (though we're still waiting for Portia De Rossi to finish restocking Ellen's green room with votive candles so she can issue an official announcement) and creator Mitchell Hurwitz says he can't proceed in writing a script until he knows whether Cera will commit, the actor has remained indecisive, Bateman said at TCA.

"I think you really have to get him on the phone to get his answer about whether he's going to come back and do it or not. I know he's thinking about it, and we're all awaiting some finality to that."

"I do feel bad that people are a little misinformed about what's going on with him," Bateman said. "He's certainly not said that he won't do it. I think he's, you know, Michael is clearly the guy that has come out of 'Arrested Development' with a very, very big plate. And so I think he's trying to really give some responsible thought to what makes sense for him to do with his career.

"The guy's 20 years old and I'm sure he doesn't want to screw up this opportunity, and trying to figure out whether an 'Arrested Development' film would be right for him and his future, I think, again, he's just trying to give responsible time to that decision. And he may or may not have come to a decision. I really can't speak to that."

If Cera hasn't come to a decision, he might be forced to after a rabid Sundance press pack accosts him over the next week. There have been many times in history when a fine, upstanding Bluth was pressed into service because the members of his family demanded it; Michael, we ask you, what's one more?

• Bateman Defends Cera's 'Arrested' Decision [Fancast]

• Michael Cera Still Not Signed for Arrested Movie [E!]

"Yes, it's a go," an Arrested castmember who asked not to be named tells me. "We're all very excited. And it will happen with or without the holdout."

Wait a minute...The holdout? Yes, I'm also told exclusively by multiple sources that one of the show's original castmembers has not signed on to the movie...

"Yeah, [he or she] might not do it," an actor says of this costar. "However, I do know that we will do the project with or without [him or her]."

So who spilled the beans to Dos Santos? Though we want to believe it was a tipsy Jessica Walter (we'd like to believe she never, ever breaks character), Dos Santos has a history of ringing up Jason Bateman for scoop (examples one, two, and three), and his picture even adorns the post in question. We firmly hope that Bateman can convince his on-screen son that family — not breakfast, nor the possibility of a Superbad 2 payday — is the most important thing.

• Inside Scoop on Arrested Movie Deal! [E!]

What he won't be doing any time soon is a movie version of a certain quirky TV show. He hasn't heard of any plans for an Arrested Development film.

"I don't think I would want to see a movie of the series if I was a fan, anyway," Cera says. "And I don't really see a need for it if you can get the three seasons on DVD."

Michael, the mere fact that you say there's "no need" for an Arrested Development movie tells us that you're not ready for the vocal protest that's bound to ensue from shocked fans. Let's all hope this is just a bit of negotiations hardball designed to bump up the salary for Arrested Development's most unexpectedly bankable performer — otherwise, we'll have to bring back BluthWatch '08. And this time, it's personal.

• Michael Cera: A superstar? Aw, shucks [National Post]

In today's installment: David Spade, Neil Patrick Harris, James Woods, Kathy Griffin, Jason Bateman, Samantha Ronson, Emma Stone, Lisa Bonet, George Foreman and more!

FRIDAY, JULY 4
· Saw LISA BONET (a.k.a. Lilakoi Moon? really?) eating breakfast in Boulder, Co on July 4th. She was wearing a gray (organically dyed, no doubt) cotton (or perhaps organic bamboo) dress, had long dreadlocks, and John Lennon-style round sunglasses. She and her boyfriend Jason Momoa were the picture of multicultural hippiedom. She also seemed cooly unfazed by the Madge-Rod C-Rod Lenny Kravitz clusterf*ck. She might have been high though. It's Boulder after all.

MONDAY, JULY 7
· Saw Lindsay's love-drug SAMANTHA RONSON going through security this morning at LAX. No sign of the Freckled One anywhere. Fine with me. As far as I'm concerned, Samantha's the hotness in that couple.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 9
· Saw GEORGE FOREMAN at LAX Wednesday. Didn't have his grill, but had two young men with him. I can only assume it was two of his sons George and George. I must admit, the George's were ridiculously good-looking. Wouldn't mind doing some grilling with them.

FRIDAY, JULY 11
· Spotted in the crowd at Ricky Gervais' sold out show at the Kodak Theater: JASON BATEMAN, KATHY GRIFFIN, JJ ABRAMS, CHERI OTERI and EMMA STONE.

SATURDAY, JULY 12
· NEIL PATRICK HARRIS is starting his workout @ Equinox WeHo right now.

MONDAY, JULY 14
· Stopped at a light in Sunset Plaza, glanced to the right and saw JAMES WOODS sitting at an outdoor table at Cafe Med. Unfortunately, he was with another guy and not engaged in any provocative James Woods behavior like canoodling with a twentysomething or holding up his I.Q. score or M.I.T. diploma....just behaving like a normal citizen, albeit one who sits where all the tourists, not to mention tetchy locals like me, will spot him.

UNDATED
· DAVID SPADE was at a movie theater, the one by the Grove, last week. He was with some girl who was all over him during the movie.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

· "Hancock can offer only an A-list headliner in a D-list project." — Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune

· "Squanders potential greatness with lame humor and a half-baked hero." — Robert Wilonsky, Village Voice

· "It's a strange feeling to see the summer's most promising premise self-destruct into something bizarre and unsatisfying, but that is the Hancock experience." — Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times

· "It has a big sag in the middle that nothing could have fixed." — Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

· "This movie fails so spectacularly - and on so many levels - that it's like watching a train plummet off a bridge." — Lou Lumenick, New York Post

Harsh! Has the king of the 4th of July weekend finally been dethroned? Probably not, because, critics be damned, I'm still gonna see it. Seems like the American thing to do. But perhaps Will Smith should spend less time founding robot-building Scientology schools and pay more attention to the scripts he chooses.

• Hancock [Rotten Tomatoes]

boomp3.com



After an appearance on MTV's TRL, beloved actor Jason Bateman was confronted by his Hancock co-stars Will Smith and Charlize Theron about the rumors of an Arrested Development film. Smith was very excited about the cult television series making a leap to the big screen. Smith said, "I hope you're not lying about this. I can't take another heartbreak about Arrested Development. It took me a good six months to get over it being canceled. Barry Zuckerkorn is my wallpaper on my laptop."

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

“I don’t know the specifics, but I can speak about what sort of responsibility entertainment should hold for social behavior,” Bateman, who starred as one half of adoptive couple the Lorings in Juno, told Access Hollywood.

“Unfortunately, we’ve had these instances where guys kill people because of what they hear in rock ‘n roll lyrics or some garbage like that. Look, if you’re going to blame a movie or song for your actions, whether they be good or bad, I think you’re looking at the wrong things to influence your life.”

Bateman then went on to point a finger at Jamie Lynn Spears, saying, "Her fault!" before fleeing the room in a trail of giggles. Immature? Perhaps, but Jason has a point. How can anyone truly know if the Gloucester girls are emulating Juno until they start exercising right of refusal on all upcoming lesbian wolfwoman dramas?

• Jason Bateman Defends ‘Juno’ In Wake Of Massachusetts Teen Pregnancies [Access Hollywood]

A big-screen version of Arrested Development is planned for next year. “When it was on TV, if you missed one word the whole third act could be blown for you. And TV is a different experience. You come home and you've got to finish a call so you miss the first ten minutes or you get snacky and you go to the fridge and you miss another two minutes, so it's a different experience to film.”

While the cult sitcom may not be able to hit Sex and the City heights on its way to movieplexes, Bateman says it can still claim foreign appeal:

“Arrested Development played late at night in England, so I got a lot of coke addicts and meth freaks. Great. So you've seen me but you just don't remember me.” When I suggest that will change since he is in so many films now, he quips again. “So I am a whore, too.”

Nonsense, Jason. Everyone knows that Lindsay was the whore.

• Hancock could make Jason Bateman a star at last [The Times]

boomp3.com



While posing for photographs at the Paris premiere for Hancock, Will Smith tried his hardest to not look down the dress of his co-star, Charlize Theron. Smith felt that it was one of his more difficult challenges he had faced in his professional career. Smith said, "Professionalism seems to be lacking in today's world and I don't want to come off as being unprofessional by checking out my co-star's breasts." Smith added that if he did do it, it could have spread like wildfire all over the internet. Theron appreciated Smith's decision to not look down her, but wished that Smith would've suggested that another Hancock co-star use the same gentlemanly approach with her. Theron said, "I wish would've had a heart to heart with Jason Bateman beforehand. I was about to charge the guy admission. Then again, he was on Arrested Development, so I guess he gets a pass."

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Among the most deserving members of the group are, in no particular order:

Jim Halpert on The Office: because laughter is everything. Plus, he's tall.
Ned on Pushing Daisies: Tall, too! And he makes pies. While wearing an apron. With perfect hair and dreamy eyes and that tall, lean frame...let's just say we'd forgive him if he accidentally killed us.
Amanda Tanen on Ugly Betty: If we swung that way, this would be our girl (free clothes!), and from our imagined male point of view, well, same thing: free suits!
Michael and George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development: Best. Threesome. Fantasy. Ever. And afterwards, Michael Cera might bake you cookies, while Jason Bateman played you his favorite records!
Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks: Sure, not Swimsuit Issue-worthy (at least back then, but these days in ER, yum), but in a way, Lindsay was the original Juno MacGuff.

And the incomprehensibles:

Jack Bauer from 24: While we genuflect thrice daily to a poster of the real-life Kiefer, we are going to have to strongly oppose the choice of Jack Bauer. Are we the only ones who happened to catch the fact that his wife was tortured, raped and killed? Yeah, dreamboat for sure.
Jack Shephard from Lost: Yes, Matthew Fox is a fox, there is no doubt. And yes, he's a doctor, and sure, he may have saved, oh, a trillion or so lives. But he's got daddy issues, and we're not into being bossed around, even if it means saving the world (or whatever the fuck they're trying to save this season).
Dylan McKay from Beverly Hills: 90210: Again, hot. But as much as Brenda Walsh infuriated us with her teeth and her moody/wannabe actress/princess-y tendencies, we'd have dumped the too-cool-for-school druggie just on the basis of Squint Addiction.
Summer Roberts from The OC: We've been known to act a little high-maintenance from time to time, but this Cali girl took the term to new heights of offensiveness. Plus, she kinda strikes us as one of those high-school girls who'd pretty much just lay there and blab on her cell while you're pumping away.
Bree Van De Camp from Desperate Housewives: Seriously? Of all the (admittedly impossible-to-choose-from) old frumps on this old frump of a show, EW readers want the shrill ice queen in their sack? Thin lips + bony legs = thanks but no thanks.

And finally, the most crucial void on the list, the most adorable, dateable, loveable visage ever to cross our screens, was inexcusably uninvited to join the list of Effables: Bret from Flight of the Conchords. We don't know about you, but every episode has been permanently saved on our DVR and played repeatedly, from noon to night, to the dismay of our roommate. We'll let you tell us who the EW readers scathingly excluded from the list in the comments!

• READER PICKS: TV CHARACTERS YOU'D DATE [EW]

In today's episode: Tom Hanks and Larry David; Vince Vaughn; Diane Keaton; Robin Williams; Laurence Fishburne; Jason Bateman; Mike Tyson; Bill Paxton; Kevin Smith; Tommy Lee; Cuba Gooding Jr.; Eliza Dushku; Michael Des Barres; John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon; Sanjaya Malakar; Pauly Shore; Rick Rubin; Coley Laffoon; Doug Benson and Samantha Ronson.

· Was at Buffalo Club in Santa Monica on Tuesday, June 12 and saw Tom Hanks having lunch with none other than Larry David. They laughed a lot and generally seemed to be having fun. They drank water and Larry paid the bill. I hope they are planning something together.

· 6-16 Tom Hanks, polo shirt collar up, and his ? Two boys gist leaving Swingers in Santa Monica. Looks terrific. That's what Paul McCartney money will do for a guy.

· Vince Vaughn hanging out on the smoking patio at the Seven Grand downtown on Saturday Night (good strong drinks). He is very tall and currently non-bloaty. And surprisingly, not drawing attention to himself, aside from the black pimp shirt un-buttoned one too low.

· Saturday afternoon (6/16), Diane Keaton opted out of the "chilly bliss" and enjoyed the real stuff on the patio of Piccomolo Italian Ice Cream in Pacific Palisades. She was with two children and was sporting her usual Annie Hall garb (black bowler, black blazer, shirt buttoned up to her chin).

· June 17th: Went to see a friend perform at the Improv, when about half way through the show the host surprised the audience by introducing "the man of Mork and Mindy fame, Mr. Robin Williams." He did about a 45 minute set and was absolutely hilarious, the guy definetly has talent, as it seemed to be pretty much entirely improv. Amazing.

· I miss out on all the Coffee Bean sightings, because I don't normally drink coffee or tea.. but thankfully they brought back Lavender Mint and I was able to enter the Matrix! On my second run of the weekend (6-18) I saw Laurence Fishburne at the Wilshire & 9th Coffee Bean. He was dressed casually and drove off in a black G-wagon.

· Jason Bateman hit the Hollywood Farmers Market on Sunday (6/17) with his wife and very cute baby girl.

This is very out-of-date but I spaced on reporting it earlier, so if you still care: on June 7 while stuck in rush-hour traffic on the Sunset Strip, we spotted Mike Tyson - dressed to the nines in a very expensive-looking suit - sitting outside some tattoo parlor. A passer-by walked up excitedly and asked if he could snap a photo, which Mike agreed to while looking off into the distance quite forlornly. It made me kind of sad to see...

· About half an hour later (still crawling down Sunset) my spirits were
resurrected by watching a smiley Bill Paxton finishing up the press line at the Cinerama Dome for the season premiere screening of "Big Love". Whee!

· Saturday, June 16, 2007: Kevin Smith, aka Silent Bob, at AMC Century 15, in the 7 p.m. preview screening for "Ratatouille."

· Happy Fathers Day! Saw Tommy Lee at the Dugout Club at Dodger Stadium 6/17. He was wearing black baseball cap, grey t shirt and copious b.o. Sort of a combo of old cigarretes, old cigarettes and old cigarettes. Stanky! Ran into him a short time later in the men's' room (i swear i wasn't trying to get a glimpse of "li'l tommy). Dude exited the stall and did not wash his hands! Later still, saw enthusiastic fans taking pics and shaking hands with Tommy. They better get themselves checked for hepatitis c.

oh yeah. also saw Cuba Gooding Jr. Is he still making movies?

· 6/17: LA Dodgers v. Angels Tommy Lee in the dugout club, maybe there for fathers day, didn't see kids but you never know. Separately saw Eliza Dushku there as well looking hot with her dimples.

· 6/18: Mambos in Burbank, Murdoc from MacGyver (Michael Des Barres) looking appropriately crazy in tinted blue shades, bright red button down open to bellybutton and adidas warmup pants.

· 6/14- Johnny Lydon (Rotten) having lunch in Venice by Washington Pier. Talks really loud so people will turn and look at him.

· 6/15/07 - Sanjaya Malakar (I know, this is hardly newsworthy) at the Derek Trucks/Susan Tedeschi Soul Stew Revival concert at the Ford Ampitheatre.

· 6-19 Pauly Shore working out at Equinox on Sunset. I dont know what he's taking, but the man hasn't aged a day since 1994.

· Sunday June 17th- Went down to Newport this last weekend to celebrate father's day with my Kenny Rogers-looking dad (pre surgery but post Roasters chow down) and who goes tooling past me on PCH but uber music producer, label owner Rick Rubin in his Johnny Cash black Bentley. Of course Bentleys are a a dime a dozen in coastal OC but when someone looking like the 4th member of ZZ Top goes zipping by, he blends in about as much as Newport's favorite son, Dennis Rodman.

· Is Anne Heche's porn-and-poker-loving ex-husband (i.e. healthy American male) Coley Laffoon a celebrity? What if I sweetened the deal by adding recently won shared-custody prize Homer on his shoulders? Saw the two at the Farmer's Market Friday evening June 15 by 326 Bar at the Farmer's Market. Laffoon is tall, handsome, Homer is the blondest, cutest 5-year-old kid you ever saw, and the two seemed positively beaming with the kind of happiness you get after freshly shedding a Certified Organic Crazy Lady.

· Monday, 6/18, Around 1pm I'm not sure if he qualifies as a celebrity, but I see comedian Doug Benson of VH1's "Best Week Ever" getting chatted up by a diminutive bear at Gold's Gym Hollywood. The Thunderpuss Remix of something is blaring, so I can't hear what the bear is saying, but I'm pretty sure he's just a fan. I think.

· 6-18 I'm not sure it counts as a sighting... but I saw Samantha Ronson working out at my gym tonight. She looks greasy in person...

In today's episode: Katie Holmes; Paris and Nicky Hilton, Rob and Chad Lowe, Larry King, Tommy Lasorda, Jason Bateman and Jeffrey Tambor; Kiefer Sutherland; Chris Martin; Sarah Chalke; Mr. T; Eric Dane; Virginia Madsen; Chris Richardson and Phil Stacey; Nicole Richie; Bobby Brown; Cybill Shepherd and Lisa Loeb; Rip Taylor; Gilbert Gottfried; Billy Drago; Mitchell Musso, Emily Osment, Miley Cyrus, Adrienne Bailon, Kiely Williams and Sabrina Bryan.

· At freaking 6:30 a.m. today (Tuesday, 4/24) saw the Bride of Xenu herself, Katie Holmes, with the baby and a rather un-threatening-looking handler, at the L.A. Flower Market. Buying flowers. Rather pathetically, recognized the baby first, because she is the spitting image of Tom Cruise. I thought it was a little weird that there was no real bodyguard because that place is crawling with crackheads peeing in the street that early in the ayem, but there you go - she's not afraid of nuthin! One of the market workers told me she sees them there all the time and that she thinks Katie likes to 'get away.' Hmm.

· 4/24 Dodgers vs. SF Giants game:

* Paris & Nicky Hilton with 2 unknown guys. Paris was in a baseball tee, hat & pigtails. Nicky was in a black jacket. Paris got booed by the entire Dodger Stadium when the cameras showed her on the jumbo screen. That's hot!

* Rob & Chad Lowe. They were pretty much into the game & talked to each other the whole time; left at the bottom of the 8th, just like us. Rob shook Paris' hand on the way out.

* Larry King w/ wife & kid [and Hispanic bodyguard]. He was wearing a Chicago White Sox jacket?!?! Was he lost?

* Tommy Lasorda, sitting alone w/ a 3 seat buffer around him.

· saw jason bateman and jeffrey tambor at the Dodgers vs. San Francisco Giants game wednesday 4/25. we had fantastic seats behind home plate, second tier. bateman and tambor enjoyed the game and seemed deep in discussion thru most of the later innings. nice guys, i looked on from time to time as they casually ignored the overly enthusiastic play by plays the guys behind them waged. they left at the beginning of the 9th, - a good call as the dodgers couldn't quite pull back from barry bond's amazing first up to bat homer. go dodgers!

· Dresden Room, Thursday April 26: Kiefer Bukowski Sutherland walked in with a posse and caroused for a few hours. Elayne (of Marty and Elayne) introduced me to him, and he apologized to me for being drunk, which was very polite and unnecessary. Then she asked him about his new ab machine and he said he liked it, and invited her to touch his abs through his nice black shirt. I watched this happen and then I could not help but say, "I want to touch Kiefer's abs," and...the machine appears to be working.

Mr. Sutherland clearly loves Marty and Elayne, who are the absolute tits, so he's tits with me. And abs.

· 4/20 - chris martin coming through backdoor at arclight presumably for hot fuzz screening
- 4/20 - scrubs' dr. elliot reid (aka - sarah chalke) double-dating at The Bowery

· I was doing some late morning grocery shopping on Sunday at the Sherman Oaks Ralphs (Ventura and Hazeltine,) and had a chance encounter with one of my favorite childhood heroes. While pushing my cart in the direction of the booze aisle (nothing cures a Saturday night hangover better!), my path was blocked by a stocky man in a camouflage hat. He was sniffing daiquiri candles. I piped up with a polite, sweet "Excuse me, please" and he turned quickly and said "Oh, I'm so sorry. Very sorry." And as he moved his cart, I saw that it was the one and only B.A. Barracus - Mr. T!!! I'm not sure if he was really sorry about being in my way or about being caught smelling daiquiri candles. Either way, he seemed like a nice guy who just happens to enjoy a pleasant fruity scent.

I was sad that I didn't have my "Mr. T In Your Pocket" keychain on hand to compare to the real thing.

· Tues 4/24 circa 6pm: Saw none other than Grey's Anatomy hunk Eric Dane at arguably the gayest gym in the land, Crunch on Sunset. We think he was working out with another actor, but the clucking hens of Crunch couldn't decipher who it was. The good doctor and his friend seemed to be doing their hetero best to avoid mingling with the WeHo gym bunnies. And they were working out in jeans. Seriously. Who does that? But dude is stacked. And was looking sorta sinister. But in a sexy way.

· I saw Virginia Madsen at the California Pizza Kitchen in Thousand Oaks. She was with her son and another woman. She was much smaller than I imagined her (5'3" or so) her skin looked sun damaged and and her ensemble was a little frumpy-ish. She could have been any soccer mom (assuming you average soccer mom didn't show her magnificent rack in "Hotspot" with Don Johnson!)

· Saw American Idol hopefuls Chris Richardson and Phil Stacey (along with some girl) entering the Best Buy in WeHo (Santa Monica & La Brea) last Saturday (4/21). I would have said something to them if I thought either had a chance in hell of winning. But still, maybe I should have at least told Chris that it's hard enough tolerating ONE Justin Timberlake.

· Saw Nicole Richie with a Paris-type replacement friend about 5 minutes ago (4-24) at the Coffee Bean on SM Blvd., in the middle of WeHo. A herd of stalkarazzi was camped outside, awaiting her departure. She looked cute, but thin.

· (4/23) After leaving Bird's eatery on Franklin Blvd. in Los Feliz I had one of my more guilty pleasure celeb sightings: Bobby Brown jaywalking (his least punishable offense in over a decade) arm in arm with an attractive, young woman. He had on a black hat and sunglasses and was appropriately "grimacey" and "hardcore" as he led the woman in between cars waiting at the traffic light.

· Seated in the back I'm-with-the-Band party of eight table at Largo during the Colin Hay ("Men at Work") showcase was Cybill Shepherd and Lisa Loeb. Ms. Loeb was very chatty and was caught checking her Blackberry/texting by one of the floor managers who firmly asked her to put it away. Ms. Shepard was really personable and nice, and left early.

· I was at a commercial audition at the Casting Studios on LaBrea today when I see, out of the corner of my eye, a flurry of confetti. It was RIP TAYLOR, leaving the same audition session that I was there for! There are moments every actor remembers in his career.....the first union card, first time on national television, etc., but for this queen, being in the same audition category as Rip Taylor is a new height reached. When I saw him, I yelled, "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Rip Taylor!" and NO ONE CLAPPED. Out of probably sixty people in the waiting room, no one could give Mister Dollar Ninety-Eight his props. Fucking Philistines.

· Saw Gilbert Gottfried at Le Pain Quotidien in the valley last weekend. He sat at the big communal table and seemed to be working while he ate. He looked very intense. Despite being packed, everybody gave him lots of space

· Today (4/26) I had one of my favorite celeb sightings ever in Billy Drago, Frank Nitti from "The Untouchables" and the star of more crazy B-movies (and "Charmed" episodes) than any Paris Hilton or Leo DiCaprio could ever claim. Sighting was at the West Hollywood Whole Foods where Drago was picking up a basket full of organic cereal. He was friendly to the checker, dressed casually with shaggy silver hair and was on his way into the post office across the street as I drove away. IMDB tells us that he has already made three movies this year (including one playing a character named "The Lady" - hm...) in an obvious attempt to knock Ernie Hudson off the straight-to-video throne. Let's see anyone else from the cast of "Mirror, Mirror III: The Voyeur" top that!

· Saturday 4/21: It was a great day for finding Disney Channel stars...don't know if they're important enough, but whatever.

I was flying out of LAX on Delta to go to a wedding at Disney World. I was getting ready to buy some magazines at the newsstand when I noticed that someone was wearing reindeer or dog print PJ pants (the Fug Girls would be going ballistic). Those pants were being worn by Mitchell Musso (of Hannah Montana)...later on Emily Osment (Haley Joel's sis) sat next to my BF and started using her laptop and talking to Mitchell. They went surprisingly unnoticed despite the number of kids in the terminal. Also, when boarding the plane, I saw the Cheetah Girls (Adrienne Bailon, Kiely Williams, and Sabrina Bryan) in their first class seats. Kiely has AMAZING skin.

Other friends flying out of LAX on United sat with Miley Cyrus (AKA Hannah Montana/Billy Ray spawn) on the same day.

In today's episode: Alec Baldwin; Steven Spielberg; Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fischer; Ashton Kutcher; Daniel Craig; Joaquin Phoenix and Amanda Scheer Demme; Jack Osbourne; Jason Bateman; Britney Spears; Jessica Biel; Adam Brody; Nick Stahl; Andrea Anders; Carrie Underwood; Paris and Nicky Hilton, Omarion and Timbaland; Stavros Niarchos; Seth MacFarlane and Mike Henry; Michael Chiklis; Tatum Channing and Marcellas Reynolds; Paul Simon; Melora Hardin; MIichael Rapaport; Heidi Fleiss; Kal Penn; Joe Francis; Ian Ziering; Janice Dickinson and Jai Rodriguez; Lukas Rossi and Kendra Jade.

· i was working out in the downstairs area of the sherman oaks 24 hour fitness the morning of monday jan. 15 . i had noticed an older gray-haired guy on one of the two rowing machines rowing one-handed while on his cellphone. i made my way over to the other rowing machine and noticed right as i sat down that is was alec baldwin. he half smiled and kept on rowing (really poor technique, by the way). he did that for a while and then moved on to a couple of the weight machines. he must not go there very often since he had to ask one of the trainers where one of the ab machines is. and then he goes and makes a comment during his golden globe acceptance speech about just recovering from hernia surgery...

· saw steven spielberg at urban outfitters on the promenade buying a stack of hipster duds 4 his kid. cursing under his breath at the long line.

· Golden Globe watch 2007 the city is so busy due to the invasion of the celebrities. Saw SACHA BARON COHEN (aka Borat) and his adorable fiance ISLA FISCHER (aka the crazy chick from Wedding Crashers) at Joans On Third. They were so cute together, with what seems like a ten foot height difference between them. They came in, looked around and when they couldn't find a table they left. No muss, no fuss they seemed perfectly down to earth and disgustingly affectionate with one another.

· I saw Ashton Kutcher on an elevator in my building yesterday. I guess he has an office in the building or something.

When I walked into the elevator, he immediately covered his face with his hand, thinking that since I might, upon noticing it was him, would start a high-pitched scream saying I love him and want his man-sperm.

Anyway, he was talking to someone else in the elevator about what seemed like pre-planning an episode of Punk'd. He was asking "Where are we going to get them?" and his partner responded by saying that "her parents are from Chicago". So, any Chicago-parent-based actresses/singers, look out for Ashton!

· Weekend of 1/13. Two minus one at Equinox, West Hollywood.

Saturday. Daniel "007" Craig. The dude is cut. Working out hard. Brought in his own trainer. Good move. The trainer was doing everything 00 did. No lollygagging.

Sunday. Kevin Connelly. Came in for the "executive". Enough said.

· Last night (1/15) at Pace in Laurel Canyon. Pretty sure I saw Jack Osbourne walk in with a group of friends. Then later Amanda Demme dining with Joaquin Phoenix.

· Friday, 1/12 at Runyon Canyon, Jason Bateman's dog, a Griffon, tried to hump my friend's dog, a daschund. Both boy dogs. Jason didn't even try to apologize, just kept calling for his dog! He had a hoodie sweatshirt on and trying really hard not to be noticed. He's one of my favorite actors thanks to "Arrested Development" (RIP), so it's really too bad he's so snooty. When your dog tries to hump another dog on Runyan, the unspoken rule is you make eye contact with the owner and say, "Sorry". It's not like he's the only semi-famous actor up there! Still, he's cute, I forgive him.

· Friday 1/12: BRITNEY SPEARS at the Abbey. She was in that semi-private area next to the fireplace with a posse of gays. They were all drinking bottled water and there were Abbey staff surrounding her holding up trays trying to block people's views. Didn't work as she was in plain sight of everyone, but she looked happy and like she was having a good time. No paparazzi outside.

· I went to Tiger Heat last night (1-11), I was leaving the area called Heaven as I heard that Brit was arriving. I had to use the ladies' lounge with quite some urgency (broke the seal), so I only saw her overprocessed head from afar. Why is it that she can lose 20lbs in 20hrs, but I remain a chunky dumpling? She looked so good (everything is relative)!

· 1/14- After many, many semi-celebrity sighings I finally I get the real deal. I was at the Whole Foods in Brentwood and got in the checkout line behind Patrick Dempsey, who was looking very McDreamy! He kept looking around as though he was expecting someone to join him in line but no one appeared. He was buying all healthy food and looking casual cool in a dark navy sweater, jeans, pumas and a great tweed Kangol-like hat. The nickname is well deserved....

· Pre-globes hair extravaganza! I was getting my hairs did, half my color rinsed, when who should I see in the next seat at Bhava Salon getting her balayage-applied, sun-kissed look put together? Jessica Biel, that's who! I have never felt such awe over someone's perfect body, and she seemed (from observation, not conversation) so nice and happy. I really wanted to hear what she was saying, but I didn't.

· I saw Adam Brody eating wtih 2 girls in their early 20s at Canter's at about midnight last night. One of the girls looked like Mischa Barton from the back, but when she turned around, it clearly wasn't her. He and the girls were chatting and laughing with one of the waiters for short time—it looked like the waiter and him knew each other pretty well.

· Sunday late afternoon/early evening — a few folks clearly not on the Golden Globes party circuit...:

Andrea Anders (The Class, Joey) going to Healing Hands for a massage on Larchmont. That place is so reasonable even I can afford it...hope she has a show that makes it to season three and maybe she'll be able to afford Burke Williams?

Nick Stahl looking all gangly and skinny entered M Cafe with a friend only to turn around and leave. We saw them pass by later after with Quiznos cups in their hands. Guess he's not into macro-fare.

Jason Bateman and large entourage of friends at M Cafe...everybody in the place seemed to know each other, it felt sort of like eating at the Fox commissary.

· 1/15/2007 Carrie Underwood @ Grand Luxe Cafe Beverly Center. Wearing skinny jeans high heels, beige shoulder wrap top and A LOT of eye and face makeup. She looked slim and trim, was very nice.Trying not to be noticed. Was with another blond girl.

· the obligatory after justin timberlake concert round up. tuesday jan 16. saw paris and nicky hilton more than fashionably late. down on the floor teeny tiny singer omarion with a posse of girls. timbaland who later performed with justin and then saw fergie who probably peed her pants.

· A little late for this one, but saw Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos, heading towards the valet parking at the Grove —-hooded gray/black sweater, skinny jeans...skinny girl (even more so in [person]! Never thought I'd say this but she doesn't look nearly as trashy in real life...she was almost pretty: she seemed upset though, was walking behind Stavros, arms crossed...crying maybe? Anyway, nothing major, but thought I'd report....round happy hour (6pm), Sunday 1/7.

· Jan. 13th: At the Brass Monkey karaoke bar in Korea Town-
Family Guy's Seth MacFarlane and Mike Henry tearing up the karaoke floor on Saturday night. Seth not only karaoked to songs from "The Sound of Music" and "Aladdin," but he also sported an obscene amount of chest hair. Nothing like seeing a man sing "I am 16 going on 17" while his chest hair sang back up. Obligatory Hollywood Starlet glued to his side.

· Just saw The Shield's Michael Chiklis waiting at the valet with a healthy sized Maggiano's doggy bag at The Grove. His date: his mom. Awwww...

· Okay this is totally random but I'm having dinner with my wife and daughter @ Jerry's Deli in West Hollywood last night (Saturaday) and the restaurant is all abuzz. Tatum Channing and Marcellas Reynolds are having dinner there. Tatum's @ a huge table with 12 girls and Marcellas is with a gorgeous woman. But don't tell my wife I said that. Tatum keeps doing dance moves. The waitress said he was obnoxious. When Tatum's table gets up to leave the little girls scream and run over to Marcellas.

· Saturday, 1/13: Pretty sure I walked past Paul Simon on 4th in Santa Monica. I tried to pick out some distinguishing characteristic, then realized that Paul Simon doesn't really have any distinguishing characteristics (other than hobbit-like height). His mini-jowls suited his gloomy, fuck-I'm-cold expression.

· Jan from The Office (Melora Hardin) at Katsu-ya on Ventura. She looked just as good or better than she does on TV, surprisingly tall. Dining at the sushi bar with a nondescript blonde that looked like a sister or family member from their interaction, although I could totally be making that up. I'm just excited I saw Jan.

· This morning, MLK day, driving to yoga super hung over (it's a great detoxer), I saw MICHAEL RAPAPORT walking down the street in a residential neighborhood in Hancock Park. I know he lives around here, I see him all the time on Larchmont, but usually with his kids. He was all alone this morning, at 8 am or so, not on the phone, nothing. Nor did he seem like he was out for a "power walk" or anything, he was wearing normal clothes, not sports clothes or sneakers. Weird, nobody walks in L.A.!

· Thursday 1/11, saw Heidi Fleiss browsing the frozen food section at the Weho Trader Joes. She looks like she has lived a hard life. Then on Friday I sat by Kumar/Taj/Superman Returns bad guy with no lines actor Kal Penn during lunchtime at Aji-sai Sushi, also in Weho. He looked scruffy and rather adorable.

· I was having lunch in the courtyard/patio area of the Watergarden today Tuesday the 16th when all of a sudden I hear a loud obnoxious voice, I turn around and it's none other than Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame, I was tempted to run up to him and ask whether the rumors about him tapping the "firecrotch" were true, but then I realized that the linguine I was eating was a lot more interesting. Does he work in the area? He ate at the table next to me at the La Salsa just down the street a few months ago, on that ocassion he loudly talked on his cell phone the whole time and completely ignored his lunch companion, I guess you can't really expect manners from a person who makes money off drunk naked 18 year old girls.

· Santa Monica, Friday 1-12: Sitting in the Sunshine Café (at St. John's hospital) early in the am. Sipping my coffee when in walks Ian Ziering. I am not a big fan of 90210 nor Mr. Ziering's subsequent "body of work," but I will readily admit that *DAMN,* the man did look some FINE. Fitted black motorcycle jacket and helmet only accentuated the hotness.

· Went to Privilege on Sunday night, which is gay night. The VIP room was D-list celebrity heaven: scarecrow like JANICE DICKINSON, being fawned over. I've met her before, she is scary skinny. Like a witch. Doesn't she realized you look younger if you have a wee bit of fat on your bones? She just looks...pulled very tight. And then JAI RODRIGUEZ from the recently canceled "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" sat at the table next to us. He was on his blackberry all night. I really don't understand that. You're at a club, you should be dancing and drinking and socializing. If you want to send emails nonstop, then STAY HOME!

· friday night, 1/12...the rock and roll porno party was in full effect at The Stand in Encino, thanks to Lukas Rossi - aka the guy who went on tv and won the right to be in a band with Tommy Lee - and Kendra Jade - aka the adult film star who once f'ed Jerry Springer. There they were, with an older, bald friend enjoying a hot dog dinner among the young families and alter-kackers.

I recognized him by his jumbo frosted fauxhawk. I recognized her by the tattooed "know your role" tribute to The Rock tattooed above her visible ass crack.

In the interest of easing our way into this Friday morning (sssssh, please don't speak above a whisper until about noon), we'd like to share the Fast Hugs blog's excavation of this vitally important cultural artifact from 1986, How Can I Tell If I'm Really In Love, a star-studded PSA that aimed to better inform the sexually awakening children of the 80s when it was totally OK to finally "do it." Blueballs alert: This is just Part I, where the sage advice eventually to be delivered by a reclining Ted "Sam Malone" Danson (assumed topic: how to know when it's time to take that drunk Red Sox groupie home), Jason "Derek Taylor" Bateman (topic: On Getting Ricky Stratton's Sloppy Seconds), and Justine "Mallory Keaton" Bateman (topic: "I made Nick wait until the third date. Here's how you can hold off your horny, monosyllabic boyfriend too.") is only teased, leaving us to wait in tense discomfort until they finally put out in Part II.

• Love, PSA-Style: Part I [Fast Hugs]