This week's installment also includes: Clint Eastwood, Jerry Seinfeld, Ryan Phillippe, Kirsten Dunst and Justin Long, Farrah Fawcett, James Woods, Dane Cook, John C. Reilly, Lauren Conrad, Ellen Pompeo, P. Diddy (twice in the same night!), Jared Leto, Kevin Federline, Sandra Oh, Seth Green, Balthazar Getty, Pete Wentz, Briam Baumgartner, Zachary Levi, Ciara, Adam "Seymour Butts" Glasser and more.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 21
· Sitting in a booth at the recently re-opened Fab's on Van Nuys Blvd in Sherman Oaks at 8pm, Mr. "Hey, Spike Lee, Shut Your Pie-Hole" himself, CLINT EASTWOOD, speaking in hushed tones while dining with Sinatra's favorite opening comic, Tom Dreesen. I couldn't hear if Clint said to the waiter, "Go ahead, make my Chicken Marsala." Even at 93 [Ed. Note: He's actually only 78], Clint looks like he could kick some serious butt.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22
· It was celeb night on Friday 8/22 at the AMC theater at the Century City Mall. Spotted PETE WENTZ standing outside with friends. His hair is flat ironed to oblivion and he is short, almost alarmingly so. Kept his hoodie on the whole time. Jessica's pregnant sister was nowhere in sight.

Then, a few minutes later, ELLEN POMPEO (that's Meredith Grey to you) walked by hand-in-hand with her hubby. Super skinny and wearing gross, skin tight white jeans, white shirt with trashy sky high black heels. They were in a rush which made her look like she walks funny because she clearly couldn't handle those heels. We decided she was dressed like a Staten Island prostitute.

We decided to hold out a few more minutes on the hope we would spot an elusive A-lister. And before we knew it, PUFF DADDY walked by sans entourage! He is indeed puffy. Mr. Mogul needs to get back to running marathons for charity. He was wearing sunglasses. At 10:30pm. And he was texting while walking briskly. Who says men can't multi-task?

· Equinox West Hollywood. PUFF DADDY (again!) makes his entourage wait in the juice bar while he grabs a steam.

· JUSTIN LONG and KIRSTEN DUNST were spotted Friday night at the Dragonfly, checking out the show Point Break LIVE! She sat behind him w/ her girlfriends, but Justin kept turning around to talk to her & see her reaction to the craziness onstage.

·Bristol Farms, West Hollywood, 5:30PM (ish). Looking determined to get out and towing a tow-headed child: RYAN PHILLIPPE. Taller than I would have expected, and beefier (but by no means tall). I don't know if he's moved to the neighborhood but the shopping cart was brimming. In case he is, a word of advice: I know it's technically West Hollywood, but the look you should be going for should be more "Daddy out shopping for groceries with my kids on Beverly" and less "Out shopping for a Daddy to buy my groceries on Santa Monica".

SATURDAY, AUGUST 23
· He's not a household name, but with 33 film and 40 television credits, let's just say I was surprised to see SEAN WHALEN selling blenders at the Burbank Costco on Saturday, miked up, dressed in a white lab coat and white paper hat. He usually plays nerds, but now he's extolling the virtues of raw food smoothies. Ouch.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 24
· Sunday night at the Radiohead show. Saw SANDRA OH with several dudes scrambling to get to their seats. She looked flustered, yet excited. Also saw SETH GREEN in line between songs waiting for beers. He was sporting a trucker hat and has a big, shaggy red beard. He looks like he belongs under a bridge waiting for three billy goats gruff.

Lastly, also saw BALTHAZAR GETTY near the beer line between songs, wearing douchey skinny jeans and chomping on cigarettes. Dude looked like he was having way too much fun, like he'd just ditched his wife and kids for a hot chick who likes to bang while only wearing a sailor's hat. Oh, wait...

· As I approached the cool 'n' groovy Santa Monica/Fairfax Whole Foods, I saw two paps outside aiming their lenses into the store. Store security blocked their view. I heard someone say, "She's the one in orange," and then noticed LAUREN CONRAD in a cute orange summer dress, casual hair, grinding her own peanut butter near the bulk grains. No, she did not have an assistant to pour in the peanuts and press the button for her. When I left she was checking out, the paps were lining up, and the Whole Foods security guys, looking vaguely energized, were preparing to escort Ms. Conrad to her vehicle.

MONDAY, AUGUST 25
· Monday night, Radiohead at the Bowl. After briefly encountering JARED LETO (dressed a bit like Shia in Indiana Jones) on the concourse leading a small scuzzy posse around and claiming that he had extra seats, I was surprised to see him all alone in the pool circle up front where I was seated (second row, yo!). Jared apparently ditched his "boys" and tried a bum rush to get up front as the lights went down. Multiple security guards stopped him and he immediately went into "Don't you know who I am?" mode. At first it was high-larious, but then it became a bit pathetic. And then it became a lot pathetic. He just would not give up. It didn't matter. They hauled him away just before the band came out and killed it.

I'd like to believe that Radiohead hates Jared's stupid fucking band and the noise pollution he calls music as much as I and everyone else at the show does, and that they ordered security to remove him from their immediate vicinity, but more than likely Thom Yorke has never heard of 30 (Minutes? Miles? I refuse to google.) to Mars. To Thom, it was probably just another dumb asshole without a ticket getting the boot from the front. Which is exactly what it was.

·Saw JAMES WOODS on 8/25 on Burton Way near Raffles L'Ermitage Beverly Hills. He was on the phone and completely plugged into it. Looks pretty good for a man his age. No sign of his 20 year old girl anywhere.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 26
· Comedy Antichrist DANE COOK was at Crunch. His name was on the marquee at the Laugh Factory across the street, so I'm guessing it was some sort of pre- or post-show routine. If you imagined that he'd work out in a backwards baseball cap and muscle shirt, thereby confirming your image of him as a superannuated, doughy-faced, overgrown frat boy - you'd be correct.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27
· Two fun (separate) sightings. Saw Kevin (BRAIN BAUMGARTNER) from Scrantonicity (and, yes, The Office); and, Chuck (ZACHARY LEVI), from, well, Chuck at the Studio City Starbucks. Both taking meetings around the corner at the NBC/Universal building? Kevin wearing shorts, Chuck driving a gas-guzzling Chevy Tahoe. Bad choices, boys.

· Eyed R&B sensation/masturbation fantasy CIARA placing a to-go order at the El Pollo Loco on Sunset and Crescent Heights around 4:40pm. Body was insane.

· I was walking back to my office from Rick's Tavern yesterday around 8:35pm going South on Main St when, lo and behold, JERRY SEINFELD was walking the opposite direction. He was with a group of like 3 or 4 friends and looking casual but good. Hoodie and glasses and admiring the motor bikes parked on the street.

· Saw Seymore Butts (born ADAM GLASSER) in the Miracle Mile Marie Callender's today. No cameras, no nudity, no sex acts being performed. But seriously, I saw Seymore Butts!!!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 29
· Walking through the hallways of a building deep in the heart of Toluca Lake around 3:30pm is FARRAH FAWCETT. Farrah raised her head to look me in the eye with a a look that said "Yes I am Farrah Fawcett and don't talk to me" Farrah had heavy duty perfume situation going on that wafted in the hallway well after she left the building. Christie Brinkley is about the same age as her but Farrah looks like she has been through the ringer and had a rough, rough hard drinking, hard partying, heavy tanning life. Use sunscreen, kids. Use Sunscreen.

· Not sure if KEVIN FEDERLINE is a real "sighting" but we saw Father of The Year at Malibu Seafood on Friday. Did not look overly douche-y. Was with a few guys, both whom I recognized but neither that I could place.

· We saw JOHN C. REILLY out in Dublin's (as in, Ireland) posh south side last Friday. We couldn't remember his name right off. We called him "Not-Will-Ferrell". He didn't seem to mind.

[Photo Credit: X17]

"He held tight to his door handle as some Beverly Hills ladies lunching outside held onto the table," our spy said. "When it was over, this gal with a pair of fake boobies the size of the Hollywood Hills blurted, 'Oh my God! Did you feel the earth move? Did you feel that?' Woods responded, 'Ah, so it was good for you too, my dear?' "

[Photo Credit: AP]

• QUAKE COMEDY [Page Six]

In today's installment: Ryan Seacrest, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel (twice!), Michael Keaton, Adrian Grenier, Calista Flockhart, Lorne Michaels, John Krasinski, Amanda Bynes, Florence Henderson, Balthazar Getty, Eric Dane, Channing Tatum (twice!), JC Chasez, Katherine McPhee, David Boreanz, Kevin and AJ from the Backstreet Boys, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Kevin Garnett, Sam Cassell, Hailey Duff, Samantha Mathis, Dave Navarro, Wayne Brady, Charlie Day, Mary Elizabeth Ellis and more!

FRIDAY, JULY 11

· CHANNING TATUM at Fitness Factory on Santa Monica and La Peer. Kind of pudgy and looking like an extra from 8 Mile. Don't understand the heartthrob status at all.

· Saw KEVIN RICHARDSON from the Backstreet Boys at Lucky Devils on Hollywood Blvd on Friday night with three blonds and another guy. While eating, AJ from BSB spotted him from the street and came in to say hello. What are the odds? Kevin looked the exact same, AJ was much more bearded than I remember.

SATURDAY, JULY 12

· Saw JOHN KRASINSKI at Animal on Fairfax. He was wearing a ball cap indoors and was very unshaven, like a couple more days and you have to call that thing a beard. I don't think he arrived with anyone and didn't seem like he was particularly chatting up any of the ladies at his table; I think it was a birthday party and he knew one or two people there already.

SUNDAY, JULY 13

· At the Arc Light Sherman Oaks for Wall-E (yes, I like to see all summer movies, but only after waiting a few weeks; an August Dark Knight screening is already planned) when I saw KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR, as did everyone else in a 500-yard radius. Intellectually, I knew that he's over seven feet, but until you see it in person, you just don't know how tall that is. He was friendly and seemed to be chatting with a couple random fans.

· Saw SAMANTHA MATHIS with a friend @ Figaro on Sunday afternoon. So cute with not a drop of makeup on.

MONDAY, JULY 14

· Stopped at a light in Sunset Plaza, glanced to the right and saw JAMES WOODS sitting at an outdoor table at Cafe Med. Unfortunately he was with another guy and not engaged in any provocative James Woods behavior like canoodling with a twentysomething or holding up his I.Q. score or M.I.T. diploma. Rather, he was just behaving like a normal citizen, albeit one who sits where all the tourists, not to mention tetchy locals like me, will spot him.

TUESDAY, JULY 15

· Saw RYAN SEACREST Tuesday night at the Coldplay show. Posed for photos with fans and seemed really nice.

· Almost ran over Punky Brewster (SOLEIL MOON FRYE) and hubby at the Beachwood Market. They were standing in the middle of the street. Girlfriend lost the pregnancy pounds fast.

· Just saw ADRIAN GRENIER making out with some model looking chick outside Joe's in Venice on Abbot Kinney. He had her pushed up against a wall and they were all over each other. Couldn't hear if he asked her if he could F the S out of her, but it kinda looked like he was trying to do that against the building. Even when I yelled "Get a room," Vinnie didn't even look up. I should have sprayed him with a hose......

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16

· Spotted JC CHASEZ at the Grove movie theatre, accompanied by a shorter, Filipino-looking woman, and a little boy who appeared to be her son. JC was sporting a black baseball cap and black shorts, and interacted with the boy in a cute, fun uncle way. He was squatting down so they could chat, and I overheard him telling the kid in a "hey, did you know" type voice, that his friend so-and-so choreographed the dance for (insert nameless piece of children's entertainment that may or may not have impressed the boy). Identity = confirmed. Bonus points for friendly interaction with children.

· While waiting to board my flight back to LA at the Seattle airport on 7/16, I saw CALISTA FLOCKHART with her son getting in line. She was very petite and dressed down for comfort. No sign of Indiana Jones.

THURSDAY, JULY 17

· KATHERINE MCPHEE looking amazingly cute at Fitness Factory. Also, DAVID BOREANZ. Good haircut.

· I saw MICHAEL KEATON chatting and smiling with some hot 40-something blonde while he ate outside at Amelia's on Main in Santa Monica; they seemed friendly and focused on his NY Times. I see him there often and he usually looks old, rundown, and bitter. I was surprised to see him looking fit and kinda hot. Turns out the blonde had two young sons, who were inside, she left once she got her latte, so they weren't together.

· At the Jason Falkner show @ Spaceland, one tall, friendly-eyed RYAN GOSLING. Good taste in music, very good chest.

FRIDAY, JULY 18

· Last night, 7-8 pm, saw CHANNING TATUM with his Personal Trainer at The Fitness Factory in West Hollywood.

· Ballers KEVIN GARNETT and SAM CASSELL scheming on some LA hos at Caffe Primo.

· HAILEY DUFF with a boyfriend (?) waiting for her breakfast at Aroma Cafe in Studio City.

SATURDAY, JULY 19

· AMANDA BYNES having breakfast with two friends at Jumpin' Java in Studio City. Her friends barely got any words in, she didn't stop talking.

· In line at the Arclight, I saw CHARLIE DAY and MARY ELIZABETH ELLIS - aka Charlie and The Waitress from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. A nice culty sighting. I half stepped out of line and went "STOP. I AM A HUGE FAN" much to the confusion of nearby Arclight patrons.

· My friends saw BOB SAGET at GLOW. Hell yeah.

· ERIC DANE and BALTHAZAR GETTY were meeting for a late lunch at King's Road Cafe. Both wearing shades, smoking, talking and looking rather stone-faced. Balt looked over his shoulder a few times, seemed a little paranoid, smoked more than his companion — whose appeal I still don't understand. They left the table at one point to check out the news stand, returned with nothing, and I can only hope that Balt used it as an opportunity to show Eric his latest vacation pics.

· DAVE NAVARRO and two hotties at El Coyote last night for drinks.

SUNDAY, JULY 20

· After the Feist/Sharon Jones show at the Hollywood Bowl, we were delighted to see FLORENCE HENDERSON boarding our shuttle. We tittered too much about this and the two middled aged ladies behind us told us to mind our manners.

· JESSICA BIEL at City Bakery at the Brentwood Country Mart. Looks exactly like any paparazzi picture you've ever seen of her - pulled back hair, no makeup, angular face. She had on sweatpants, gladiator sandals, and the biggest purse I've ever seen in my life. She managed to somehow look sad, pissed, rushed, and confused, all at the same time. Bizarre.

· I was standing in the walkway between the super seats and the boxes at the hollywood bowl for Feist, and who should walk by me but JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and JESSICA BIEL. Totally incognito. No one recognized them. Instead of turning to go down to the boxes, they turned up and walked about halfway up into the H section, scooted by everyone in their row, and sat down quietly. Totally normal people. It was kinda cool.

MONDAY, JULY 21

· LORNE MICHAELS enjoying a sandwich and fries at Campanile with Paramount's JOHN LESHER and some dude today. Bit of a belly on the Lornester. Lesher was rocking the Homer Simpson short-sleeves w/ tie look. Pasty white arms.

· WAYNE BRADY at Coldstone Creamery in Sherman Oaks.

NOT DATED

· ROMA MAFFIA (Dr. Liz from Nip/Tuck) in line at the Silver Lake Gelson's on a weekday afternoon, first week of July. Looked pleasant with a peaceful smile on her face, more vibrant than she appears on tv. Could have been the lipstick talking, as her make-up was more noticeable than what ladies typically wear for a midday trip to the grocery store.

[Photo Credit: Film Magic]

In today's installment: David Spade, Neil Patrick Harris, James Woods, Kathy Griffin, Jason Bateman, Samantha Ronson, Emma Stone, Lisa Bonet, George Foreman and more!

FRIDAY, JULY 4
· Saw LISA BONET (a.k.a. Lilakoi Moon? really?) eating breakfast in Boulder, Co on July 4th. She was wearing a gray (organically dyed, no doubt) cotton (or perhaps organic bamboo) dress, had long dreadlocks, and John Lennon-style round sunglasses. She and her boyfriend Jason Momoa were the picture of multicultural hippiedom. She also seemed cooly unfazed by the Madge-Rod C-Rod Lenny Kravitz clusterf*ck. She might have been high though. It's Boulder after all.

MONDAY, JULY 7
· Saw Lindsay's love-drug SAMANTHA RONSON going through security this morning at LAX. No sign of the Freckled One anywhere. Fine with me. As far as I'm concerned, Samantha's the hotness in that couple.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 9
· Saw GEORGE FOREMAN at LAX Wednesday. Didn't have his grill, but had two young men with him. I can only assume it was two of his sons George and George. I must admit, the George's were ridiculously good-looking. Wouldn't mind doing some grilling with them.

FRIDAY, JULY 11
· Spotted in the crowd at Ricky Gervais' sold out show at the Kodak Theater: JASON BATEMAN, KATHY GRIFFIN, JJ ABRAMS, CHERI OTERI and EMMA STONE.

SATURDAY, JULY 12
· NEIL PATRICK HARRIS is starting his workout @ Equinox WeHo right now.

MONDAY, JULY 14
· Stopped at a light in Sunset Plaza, glanced to the right and saw JAMES WOODS sitting at an outdoor table at Cafe Med. Unfortunately, he was with another guy and not engaged in any provocative James Woods behavior like canoodling with a twentysomething or holding up his I.Q. score or M.I.T. diploma....just behaving like a normal citizen, albeit one who sits where all the tourists, not to mention tetchy locals like me, will spot him.

UNDATED
· DAVID SPADE was at a movie theater, the one by the Grove, last week. He was with some girl who was all over him during the movie.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

boomp3.com

In a move to boost tourism in Southern California, respected character actor James Woods guarantees that he'll meet with each and every single tourist. Woods said, "A lot of people come out here hoping to see somebody famous. So, why not cut out the middleman? I'll meet with anybody. Pose for pictures, pound fists or whatever the kids are doing these days. Just as long as they come out to Los Angeles." Woods kicked off the promotion with a sight seeing bus in West Hollywood and was greeted with an enthusiastic response. A tourist from Iowa said, "I'm in LA for a few days and I already met the guy from The Hard Way. How great is that? You can't get that kind of memory with a staycation, I'll tell you that much."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In it, she runs down some of her favorite Santa Monica haunts. Ignore, if you can, their too-irreverent-by-half intro, and skip directly to #5. There you'll find tantalizing clues as to what might have gone down that fateful night, the actress's unfamiliarity with a barstool rendering her tolerance against the Schnabel-shushing effects of an open bar virtually negligible. (And God knows those DGA cheapskates would sooner relinquish final cut than part with whatever it costs to adequately feed you!) And while we have no idea which "2 people have saved this user as a favorite," we like to imagine that users Doctor Bombay and Yun are the legendary crazy-lady's secret admirers, Jimmy Woods and Julian Schnabel themselves.

• Sean Young's Santa Monica Favorites [LAT]

The press release—usually we encourage you to skip them, but this one is a must read—follows after the jump:

ASHLEYMADISON.COM COURTS ASHLEY MADISON

CONTROVERSIAL DATING SITE SETS IT'S SIGHTS ON JAMES WOODS' FORMER GALPAL

Extra-marital dating sight AshleyMadison.com hopes to capitalize on their namesake, actress Ashley Madison, best known for her short-lived romance with actor James Woods and cameo appearance on Entourage. AshleyMadison has prepared an offer for Ashley Madison to become their official spokeswoman and appear in their successful - and controversial - integrated marketing and publicity campaigns. AshleyMadison.com founder Darren Morganstern feels the blonde bombshell is a natural fit because, "in short, she is the type of woman that many straying married men fantasize about having affairs with."

Recently, the site made headlines when they offered a free lifetime membership to Katie Holmes as an opportunity to "free herself from Tom Cruise," and their Los Angeles billboard proclaiming, "Life is Short...Have an Affair," recently resulted in a rush hour protest by community activists.

Despite his own "happy marriage", Morganstern believes that monogamy has become outdated and discovered that through the site, there could be a modern solution to this age old problem. After featured appearances on major news outlets such as CNN, FOX News, Montel Williams, 20/20, CBS Sunday Morning, Dr. Phil, and TMZ (to name a few), Morganstern has been coined, "The King of Infidelity" by the media. Though he acknowledges subscribers may be "playing with fire" by pursuing infidelity online, Morganstern's sitting pretty knowing his company has doubled in size every year since it's inception and is estimated to gross ten million dollars this year alone.

• Previously: Burning Questions [Defamer]

In today's episode: Samuel L. Jackson; James Woods; Jon Voight; Matthew Rhys; Will Arnett, Andy Samberg, Maya Rudolph, Busy Philipps, Will Forte, Bob Odenkirk, Lee Majors, Amy Poehler and Masi Oka; Selma Blair; Howie Mandel; Joss Whedon; Peter Stormare, Christopher Titus, and Beth Broderick; Jonathan Silverman; Victor Garber; Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox; LeVar Burton; Lea Thompson; Gary Dourdan; and Andy Milonakis.

· Last night my roommate and I wandered into Tokio on Cahuenga only to see the real retards from "The Real World: Hollywood" crowding the bar. And none other than a low key, very young looking Samuel L. Jackson, scanning the dance floor. He didn't have his Royale with Cheese, a lightsaber, or a snake, but he did have his Kangol hat.

· Sept 9 - James Woods and his 21 year old girlfriend (yeah...) were at my table at the Commerce Casino on Friday night. He was cool enough, she was loud, obnoxious and ordered a massage at the poker table. Oddly enough James Woods was wearing these bizarre poker elbow pads so he could lean on the table for an extended period of time.

· Saturday, September 8 Jon Voight on my flight from Nashville to LA. I tried to ask him if he used to own a LeBaron and he bit me.

· First sighting. Sunday morning at Bread Bar Century City. We were among the earliest patrons here for breakfast at 10, but the real early bird was Jon Voight, who exited the restaurant, solo, about 5 mins after we arrived. Totally innocuous - I almost mistook him for anybody's 60 yr old dad, but for that powerful glare of his.

Later the same day, at Whole Foods West Hollywood, was bumped into by a very polite Matthew Rhys (Kevin from Brothers and Sisters), who apologized in his Welsh accent. Actually looks younger than he does on screen. Yeah, kinda on the short side, but very cute in his black T and camo shorts. Drives a silver Prius - adorable AND socially conscious to boot!

· Friday 9/7: The celebrity sighting die hards might not approve since this was at a "premiere," but I'm not so sure that "premiere" counts if it's at a janky Mann Theatre in Westwood and you had to buy tickets. Anywho, at the Brothers Solomon "premiere" it was a veritable B+ celebrity buffet. First up: walking behind Will Arnett while crossing the street (handsome); waiting for the rest of my party, Andy Samberg driving a KIA whilst feverishly waving at Maya Rudolph (adorable) who's standing on the corner; Busy Philipps (adorable and fashionable), Will Forte, Bob Odenkirk, Lee Majors (yikes), Amy Poehler and Masi Oka (which in retrospect is now pretty sweetits since just last night I watched Season One: Disc One of Heroes and I think I'm gonna LURV it).

· Monday, Sept 10: In a world gone green, it is nice to see some celebrities embracing their inner planet hater. Saw Selma Blair turning onto Abbot Kinney Blvd off some random little side street around 6PM in a brand new black escalade-ish gas guzzling mobile. Nothing screams "Screw You Environment" like an emissions spewing SUV chugging through the environmental militant heartland that is Venice.

· Sunday, 9/9: Dropped by Barnes & Noble at Calabasas Commons with the family and spotted Commons regular Howie Mandel sitting at a table at the Starbucks cafe. Kind of amusing since we usually see him at Corner Bakery at the other end of the mall. Made eye contact when I first walked into the store but Howie's OCD kicked in and he quickly looked down at the table. His germophobic hands were also rigidly folded in his lap. He was with a small group of other people, including a weird-looking dude with a bowl haircut and an earring and a middle-aged blonde woman who looked vaguely familar and attracted the attention of some high-school age girls, but I couldn't figure out who she was despite an IMDb search.

· Monday 9-10 Just saw Joss Whedon at a Starbucks in Santa Monica (15th and Montana) listening to his iPod. He was rocking a single diamond stud earring and he ordered something with chocolate. All hail the Nerd King. I wanted to tell him that I just bought Serenity used for $6 but I don't think he'd be too impressed.

· Friday 9.7 Formosa Cafe
Spotted Peter Stormare (aka "I shoved Buscemi in a wood chipper"), Beth Broderick (aka Aunt Zelda from Sabrina, The Teenage Witch...hate that I recognized her from that, but so be it), and Christopher Titus (he can be described as "strapping"...seriously, who knew he was such a big guy?). They were not together. I'm still shocked at how much bigger Titus is in person than I expected him to be...then again, I haven't watched a single thing he's ever been in, I just recognized him from the ads for the new gig he's got...forgot the name.
Saturday 9.8 Formosa Cafe
Jonathan Silverman. I think. Waiting patiently by the bathrooms for a lady.

· Sept. 10 - Jack Bristow himself, four-time Tony Award nominee Victor Garber was spotted shopping at the Barney's in The Grove with who looked to be his girlfriend's mother—an opinion held because I find it hard to believe that a middle-aged actor of respectable success would actually be in a relationship with someone his own age.

· Happy family Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox with Jay's young son going into Studio Yogurt at Laurel Canyon & Ventura on Sunday early evening. Good lookin' crew, the couple tan (not orange) and fit, wearing lazy Sunday togs—though her plaid pants were a little cringe-tastic. Looked like they were out for the afternoon, very low-key just enjoying some family time.

· Butterfly in the sky! 9/2: LeVar Burton @ Phillips' Barbecue on Crenshaw. I shit you not, his vanity plate says KUNTA.

· Saturday night at around 1000am, Lea Thompson and Malcolm Gets (both from 'Caroline in the City') were dining among friends at Swinger's Restaurant on Beverly Blvd.

· Just saw Gary Dourdan (everybody's favorite sassy former gambling addict on CSI) enjoying a little Saturday night (9/8) shopping at Century City's Bloomingdales with an adorable girl who I will assume is his daughter. Because it would be weird if it wasn't.

· Monday, Sept 10 7/11 on Sunset and La Brea. Andy Milonakis.

In today's episode: Sean Penn; James Woods, Ashley Madison and Andy Dick; Paris and Nikki Hilton; Christian Slater; Jon Lovitz; Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr.; Tracy Morgan and Jasmine Guy; Dominic Monaghan; Minnie Driver; Ryan Reynolds; Adam Brody and Sean Hayes; David Boreanaz and Neil Flynn.

· Tues 5/15 around 11:30 am: Sean Penn outside the Four Seasons smoking a cigarette. Cab arrived and he got inside, then it drove away. The end.

· Last Thursday, after being drowned out by the noisy ramblings of underage or at least novice drunks at the Snake Pit on Melrose, in walked three guys, one being Andy Dick. Our joke of the night? One of my friends did not know who Andy Dick was. So we all sat — baffled. What was he in again? I know he's fathered a bunch of kids. I know he's done a lot of wonderfully loonified Hollywood hijinx, but what has he been in? Anyway. Unfortch for us, he was very well behaved.

Then yesterday, I was wandering near the L'Ermitage on Burton Way when I was two REALLY cute dogs. I closer view, I noticed one owner was James Woods and the other owner, his girl toy (Ashley Madison) who looks barely out of high school. Odd folks. Not really nasty, but not friendly, even when I cooed over their adorable dogs. What are they getting out of each other?? Not quite sure.

· Spotted Paris Hilton at the Grove Barnes & Noble last night (5-14). My friend and I were walking out just as she walked in. Paris was on her cell and nearly tripped right in front of us. She wore a white top with blue anchor prints as well as an anchor pendant. Just to be obnoxious, my friend and I went back upstairs and spotted the "Simple Life" star sitting on the ground, browsing through Photography and Art books. Of course, we picked up a tabloid with Paris on the cover and I took a photo of my friend "reading" about Paris, while she's in the background. Her sister Nikki was there as well. They stayed not more than 15 minutes because everyone noticed she was there. They ran out of the bookstore, just in time for my friend to yell out "PAAAAAAARIS!" outside Barnes & Noble. That's hot. Nikki drove off with her sister in a black Range Rover.

· I recently saw Paris Hilton in the Mrs. Beasley's store on S. Beverly stocking up on their line of mini-cupcake poppers, - perhaps for her upcoming stint in prison. Ms. Hilton was polite and pleasant and a crowd of paparazzi were waiting for her on the sidewalk outside.

· Christian Slater looking cute in a baseball cap at Shutters in Santa Monica today. With publicist type and buddy, driving off in his black BMW SUV.
Jon Lovitz in FULL tennis regalia at the Beverly Hills Hotel today waiting for his car.

Saw Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. eating sushi down in the Valley on Thursday night. SMG looks really hot these days with her brunette look and snuck out a couple of times during dinner for a cigarette break

· a little late but last saturday night (05/12) at the grove (even i felt lame being there), "30 Rock" albratross and alleged deejay-groper tracy morgan, looking unassuming... also saw "different world" veteran jasmine guy walking by the fountains. she looked really really old, but can't decide if it's just because i only see her in reruns. maybe i should look out for dwayne wayne using a walker...

· 5/16- Before the Mortified LA show started at KingKing, I was fortunate enough to be positioned at the bar next to Dominic Monaghan, while he chatted with a friend and ordered drinks (Stella). He was short (of course) and cuter in person. I'm a big fan of the hobbits, but I prefer Elijah Wood.

· Went to play drag queen bingo at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood last week. While in the parking lot, a British voice asked me, "Is this the right spot for Bingo?" Turned to see Minnie Driver, looking sleek and tall. Hair in kind of a weird pageboy cut. She was able to bypass the large line gathered outside and get a table right away. The drag queen hosting the event took great delight in making fun of PHANTOM OF THE OPERA but Minnie was a good sport about it all. She didn't win anything.

· Saw Van Wilder himself, Ryan Reynolds, at the Troubadour on Monday night (5/14) at the Ari Hest / Damnwells show. He was with two girls, and the blond in the hat appeared to be his girlfriend. She didn't look anything like his ex, Alanis Morissette. Ryan had a scruffy beard and looked bored. He is very tall.

· Wed, 5/16—Spotted Adam Brody trekking around in Runyon alone. Boy is very thin and sporting a scraggly "beard" better suited on a teenager. No dog, though—just giant shades to shield him from lesser mortals.

· Thurs, 5/17—Silver Spoon Diner in WeHo—Sean Hayes at a corner table on the patio with a male friend. Had the requisite baseball cap on...does he ever not wear one?

· Saturday 5/12 @ Mastro's- We saw David Boreanaz (Bones, Angel) with his wife and kid eating dinner. The wife was getting her gifts for mother's day from both of them, and it was really sweet. Our waitress said that he is also a manager there??? Don't know about that one, and couldn't find anything on IMDB. I could see part owner or something, but a manager? Geesh, what does Fox pay their actors nowadays? Anyhoo, dinner was amazing and I was glad to have at least one sighting since we had our moms with us and they were pretty excited to see a celeb.

· Even better than a Ribisi or Sutherland sighting.... the hub and I saw Janitor from "Scrubs" (Neil Flynn) at Alcove in Los Feliz on Thursday 5/17

In today's episode: Sean Penn; Mark Wahlberg; Ben Affleck; Ralph Fiennes; James Woods; Jessica Biel; Courtney Love; Randy Johnson; Jessica Simpson and Jewel; Stanley Tucci and Maura Tierney; Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan; Paula Abdul and Tony Schiena; Danny Bonaduce; Scott Speedman; Johnny Knoxville; Jesse Bradford; Paul Mazursky; George Lopez; Monica Lewinsky and Emily Bergl. In San Francisco: Owen Wilson.

· Sean Penn driving East on Santa Monica Blvd. on 5/1 about 6pm by Trader Vics in a grey Audi RS4, looking very tan. Nice ride.

· Friday 7:30ish walking home from early drinks at Ketchup (fun place) was with a friend from out of town and we came around the corner on sherbourne just above sunset on our way up to our street and walked right by Mark Wahlberg sitting in his black Mercedes SUV talking to some guy and signing something. It must have been business because i think he has offices right on the corner.............My friend was thrilled wanted to run up to him and tell him how much she loved his brother lol!!!

· 1:15pm today, saw ben affleck at rock island wraps in old town pasadena. he was alone, reading the paper and desperately needs to shave the scruff. that's all.

· Thursday, 5/3: Runyon Canyon - Spotted a shirtless Ralph Fiennes trekking up the main road, closer to the top of the park. He was with a tall brunette gal and gleaming with sweat, but had no dog. He's quite tall. And pale. Which makes sense, since he's Voldemort. Also spotted Eddie Jemison (Livingston Dell from the Ocean's Eleven movies)—he seemed very sweet. He was with another guy, who was walking a puggle.

· I just saw Ralph Fiennes in front of the Hermitage BH. He was talking to an industry "type" who was saying: "It's a great story about . . ." I kept walking on very coolly. But was sort of stoked! He was wearing a floaty shirt right out of the English Patient and khaki pants. He looked pretty cute.

· Tuesday 5/1, 11:15a, Old Town Pasadena: - while walking down Colorado Blvd. saw Celine Dion carrying a ginormous Tiffany's parcel, headed toward/ chatting to someone who looked like her assistant.

· I just saw James Woods and his teenage girlfriend and their little doggy getting into a grey Jeep Cherokee in front of the Hermitage, BH. People keep telling me he's hung like a horse. Is that true? Should I stop and ask him next time?

· Enjoying a leisurely Sunday (4/29) afternoon shopping trip at Ritual Adornments (DIY jewelry shop on Main Street in Santa Monica) when I noticed Jessica Biel shopping with her friends too. They were picking out beads and getting something made. She's shorter than I thought — but aren't they all. Looked very LA-ish in that I'm a celebrity but look oh.so. Bohemian chic kinda of way — if that makes any sense.

· Sometime last week, Courtney Love taking a purposeful walk down Hollywood Blvd at Ivar. She had on a low-slung cowboy hat, and made an unfortunate decision to bare her newly-tightened midriff (which looked like Jared Leto's arm in "Requiem For A Dream").

Sports might not count to many people here, but on Tuesday (5/1), couldn't avoid noticing Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson at Amoeba. He was in the used section and had someone there helping him look for something I overheard was "UK only" that "doesn't come in often". Famous hockey hair and dirt 'stash were cut pretty tight. 6 foot 10 in person is even more disconcerting than you would expect. Everyone was double-taking at the sheer height.

· Tuesday, 5/1, Dresden Room (again): A group with that certain protected scent of sycophant/privilege walked in all laughs and smiles. I recognized nobody, so didn't think much about it but then Elayne asked me did I see Jessica Simpson was there? I looked over, but the blonde looked nothing like Jessica—turns out Jess has brown hair now and Jewel was the blonde. It was open mic night and they were both good sports enough to sing. Jewel was great, if a little too pleased with herself, and told the horn section to shut up which made more than a few people happy (except the horns). Jessica did "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," kind of. She claimed shyness, said she didn't want to disrespect Nancy Sinatra and then just sang the chorus while Elayne sang the verses. She gave it the usual Jessica over-the-top talent show star treatment, of which I am a fan. Anyway...I don't know what they were doing on the East side, as there's nothing here.

· At the Elvis Costello concert last night (5-2) at the House of Blues I spotted Stanley Tucci and Maura Tierney ('ER') together. Not sure if they're friends or a couple, but they were wandering the floor together. She looked good, he looked bald.

· 5-2 Don't know if it counts when you see celebs "working", not hanging out with the plebes, but here ya go:

Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan walking Vermont Blvd in Los Feliz while filming tentatively-titled (according to signs up everywhere warning that you'd be filmed if you walked thru) Made of Honor. Much more exciting than seeing them, however, was the set design turning Vermont/Melbourne into a NYC street corner, steaming manhole cover and all.

· Saw Paula Abdul early this morning at the Burbank airport dropping off her boyfriend, Tony Schiena (Thanks Google) They arrived, with him driving, in a large white Range Rover. She was wearing sweats, sneakers, and a pony tail. He was HOT, if you like the tall, sexy, rugged type. He gave her quite a nice kiss before heading off to the ticket counter. I was also there dropping off my boyfriend and came to 3 conclusions— Paula looks better then I do with no make-up, she has a nicer car, and a better boyfriend—she sucks. Also saw Danny Bonaduce at Starbucks looking like you think he would look.

· (5/1) In the parking lot of the Coffee Bean on Sunset and Fairfax this afternoon I literally almost broke my neck checking out some scruffy guy with aviators. My friend and I walk into the store, moments later the guy walks into the store and takes off his glasses, low and behold it is none other then Scott Speedman (Ben from Felcity, Van Helsing for the boys). And let me tell you, there must be something in the water in Canada, because he was even more gorgeous in person.

· O-M-G just took a swing down to Amoeba records on my lunch break and came face to face with Johnny Knoxville loudly giving another shopper a rundown on the folk music section. I think I was more stunned by the fact that his behavior (abrasive) and appearance (scruffy) exactly matched my expectations of a Knoxville encounter than the fact that I saw him in person. He is pretty hot, though.

· Saw Jesse Bradford at Orso on Monday night (4/30), early dinner...seriously besides him, me and my sister, everyone could have qualified for the early bird special. He looked beyond hot in a white buttondown and was with another guy, not sure what kind of dinner (business? friend? date?)...but don't want to start any rumors so we'll just leave it at that.

· Paul Mazursky parading by Frida's on Beverly Drive yesterday, saw him twice, at least. (5/2)

And George Lopez getting his own coffee at Coffee Bean on Riverside in Toluca Lake (5/3)? Don't these people have nameless assistants for this kind of thing???

· Wed nite May 2nd. Zipping around Sherman Oaks Fashion Square with a girlfriend. She wanted to go to Firefly (too much attitude for the San Fernando Valley) I opted for a quiet drink & salad at Cafe Marmalade. We hit the place about 8:45. Overheard a waitress chatting w/2 NY'ers about something banal when I heard "on Barbara Walters........" which piqued my interest. I headed toward the loo when I noticed a nice looking female brunette (we locked eyes for a brief second) sitting with this fat, nebbish looking fellow. Looked like Monica Lewinsky? I stopped our waitress and yes she wasn't sure either. About 9pm in walks the parents; I immediately recognize Dr. Lewinsky as the oncologist who was written up in a local magazine as he is some sort of part time artist. Same article failed to mention his lovely daughter. As we left Momma Lewinsky (she is very very loud-typical SFV Jew momma) blabbed on about nothing. The next day 8 different friends asked if me ML had on a navy dress........

· saw EMILY BERGL (yes...i imdb'd it), Annie the cute red-headed girl on Men In Trees, earlier today 5/2. what??! so i've watched it a few times. she was standing at the corner of Sunset + Cahuenga, waiting for the light to change. she was alone, looking lost and confused, but she was wearing a really cute hat.

Bay Area Butterscotch Stallion Edition:

· I almost feel guilty writing this in, but I was in SF this weekend, enjoying my Salted Caramel ice cream from Bi Rite Creamery & heading down from Delores Park when the Butterscotch Stallion (Owen Wilson) himself strolled on by, alone & fairly inconspicuous- well as inconspicuous as a Kate Hudson-loving man can be in the Bay Area...OK, I don't feel all that guilty anymore....

In today's episode: Kate Winslet; Jimmy Woods; Jon Lovitz; Kiefer Sutherland, Parminder Nagra and Willie Garson; Kirsten Dunst; Eric McCormack; Kevin Dillon; Wes Bentley; Lacey Chabert; Jared Leto; Hayden Panettiere; Jay Mohr; Peter Gallagher; Mischa Barton; Paul Reubens; Jeanne Tripplehorn and Leland Orser; Clancy Brown; Chris Noth; Nora Zehetner; Hillary Duff and Usher.

· Kate Winslet, dressed down in baggy jeans, a dark sweatshirt, and no makeup — but looking super hot nevertheless — shopping half-frantically from a prepared list at the Ralph's in Malibu.

· Saturday night. Chateau Marmont around 10:30. A rumpled Jon Lovitz sits alone and forlorn on the couch behind the hostess station. Black suit, wrinkled shirt, six chins.

Sunday night. Dan Tanas. 11ish. Jimmy Woods and the underage tart Ashley Madison join another older man with badly dyed red hair in a center booth. At some point, she says "Daddy?" and both men look up. Kidding about that that last part.

· Was at Dominick's tonight. Came in and immediately saw Stanford from Sex and the City (Willie Garson) as he was leaving. he remarked to his party... "people are still coming in?" at 945pm. I then found myself sitting at the table right between that of Kiefer Sutherland and friends, and Parminder Nagra and friends. Kiefer was with a table of about 10. Someone had a little baby with them, and then I saw a couple of girls come in and try to call Kiefer to see where he was.. then recognized him and came to the table. They made room for them and kiefer had his hand around the waist of one of the girls... they were very young looking. Shots started coming to the table concurrently with the ricotta fritters.

· Saw Kirsten Dunst at LAX last night, Sun, Feb 18th. She was being photographed by people in the baggage claim area. Got a little testy when a razzi started shooting her. She hid behind a large man, but eventually got all of her luggage and headed out. She was carrying a lot of stuff. She looked tiny.

· Saturday 2/17, or as I like to call it, Night of a Thousand Underwhelming Stars. Saw a bearded Eric McCormack at Cat and Fiddle with a greasy dude sporting "Legends of the Fall" hair. Oh, you're so hetero. Followed that up with Wes Bentley (who? what?) outside of UCB, while at nearby La Poubelle, Kevin Dillon and Lacey "30 and still playing 16" Chabert were having dinner (not together, thank god).

· Just left the LA Fitness on La Cienega Friday night about 7:30PM, when I pass by a guy explaining to the check in people how his wife lost her card. I look over, and its none other than Johnny Drama! (Kevin Dillon) The family that works out together on a Friday night stays together, I guess...

· 2/9 Jared Leto at the Roxy watching Chris Hall of Stabbing westwards new locally formed band "The Dreaming". He hung out in the seating area while they played and Chris kept making jokes about how they'd like to go on tour with 30 seconds to mars.

· Was at the car wash on 2/13, and in front of me was a wine colored Porsche Cayenne. Out pops a little blond thing with a dress that matches the car, plus a gold lame belt, purse and wedge platform heels. It's Hayden Panettiere (Cheerleader on "Heroes")! All the car wash guys are agog, because said dress barely covers her ass and she's having problems stepping down from the car. Girlfriend looks like she's going somewhere. I text my friend (who is good friends with her) and friend asks, "Did she have hair extensions in?" I say no, then friend replies, "Oh, that's her normal day look, because she's afraid of paparazzi photos". Poor baby, dressing up just in case somebody should snap a photo of you in a t-shirt, flip flops and jeans.

· Hi guys - so double sighting on Sunday 2/18:

#1 - Jay Mohr getting a pedicure at a nail salon in Studio City. His wife has beautiful breasts. I know this because when you wear a henley and don't do up any of the buttons, everyone can see your rack. On the flip side, girlfriend needs to lay off the lip injectibles. Jay was loud and skinny. And once again, getting a pedicure, in a spa chair no less. Nuff said.

#2 - Peter Gallagher having dinner at Katusya in Brentwood. Dude needed a comb but was otherwise looking as delicious as my crispy rice and Sunset Roll. Was very congenial to his waiter, who was most likely a better waiter than the one Peter played in "The Idolmaker." Mmm, Caesare...

· I was outside Hyde on Saturday night and Mischa Barton and friend were arguing with the John Waters look alike 'list guy..." From what I got from the conversation, he refused to let Mischa Barton's friend's in who were ON THE LIST. We were on the list too but if Mischa Barton can't get her friends in we figured our chances of arguing with him were slim. My friend DID notice, however, Madonna's hairdresser in a ratty hoodie and his assistant breezed right in without even checking in. Lame. Is that place over
yet?

· Fri., Feb. 16, I was at the Burbank Hollywood Collector's convention, where washed up celebs go to pad out their social security checks. And who was there begging for people to buy his autograph? Pee-wee Herman, aka Paul Reubens. No takers that I could see. I think he's spraying his bald spot with house paint.

· In line for concessions downstairs at the Arclight Saturday night, we saw Clancy Brown, Kate's dad from "Heroes", and, as my fiance, said "the Kurgan!" (whatever that means) with some lady who looked dressed for a board meeting in a fetching brown pants suit. We also saw Jeanne Tripplehorn (who looked gorgeous — way better than on TV) with her husband, Leland Orser (thank you, IMDB!) from "ER".

· We went for a late lunch Monday at Cafe du Village in Larchmont (they have B! Come on, guys? Get your shit together!) and we saw Chris Noth, looking filthy and unbathed with really greasy hair — yet still totally fucking hot. And tall. Then five minutes later at Larchmont Beauty Supply, I saw Nora Zehetner from the movie "Brick" and more recently, from "Lost," and she looked tiny and bony, but gorgeous.

· Sat (2/17) - Hillary Duff leaving Berry Elegance in Studio City.

· while trying to find a new pair of sneakers at sportie la, saw Usher walk in and be schmoozed by the owners, leaving me to wait to pay. he was driving a new s550, i guess I always expect better

In today's episode: Uma Thurman; Hilary Swank and Sean Young; James Woods; Liv Tyler; Kelsey Grammer; Val Kilmer; Marlee Matlin; Paris Hilton; Ginnifer Goodwin and Chris Klein; Kevin Dillon; Carson Daly; Rachel Dratch; Sarah Michelle Gellar; Simon Fuller, Ace Young and Kellie Pickler; Jason Lee and Giovanni Ribisi; Zooey Deschanel; Lucy Davis; Brooke Burns; Scott Ian; Ja Rule; Boris Kodjoe and Leslie Jordan.

· Monday February 5th 2pm Sat next to a very beautiful Uma Thurman and female friend at The West Hollywood Gateway Center outdoor cafe. She enjoyed a humble Gyro from Daphne's over the course of 45 minutes. She wasn't really recognized until she got up to leave and her tall, voluptious physique caught the attention of everyone within 100 feet.

· I saw Hilary Swank at Revolution Fitness on Montana Avenue in Santa Monica today (2/05/07). It was just before the 5:00 PM spinning class, and she came in announcing that she needed to borrow some shoes for the class. Then she added, "My name is Hilary." I don't even remember what she was wearing, but it was not anything dramatic. She was alone.

I saw a paparazzo (sp?) outside Revolution Fitness, waiting for Hilary. He was in a white Mercedes, the trunk of which was open. He was fiddling with a camera and preparing to pounce when she left the fitness studio.

I also saw what I firmly believe was Sean Young in the 6:00 PM indoor rowing class, also at Revolution Fitness, on the same day. She entered wearing this thick long coat...the kind of thing you'd wear if you were going on a trek through Siberia. She didn't stay for the whole class. Is Sean Young considered a celebrity?

· I had the requisite James Woods and starlet-working-out-her-daddy-issues girlfriend last night (2/1) at Jones' on Santa Monica Blvd. Waited a few minutes to be seated and seemed to be keeping the ball-busting curmudgeon schtick in check. I also couldn't help but note that girlfriend's nose job seems to have healed quite nicely, per an earlier James W. privacy watch submission.

· Does Liv Tyler live in Silverlake? Yesterday (Thursday), I saw her at our Trader Joe's at 11AM, looking every bit like a Silverlake Mom—- kid sitting in the shopping cart, funky glasses, etc. She was chatting with some guy (could have been the musician-husband but I don't think so) about the wonders of various TJ's frozen foods products. She's really very beautiful, in a natural some-people-are-born-with-it way.

· Saw Kelsey Grammer with his wife, Camille, at the Westfield Topanga food court in Woodland Hills. They were both trying for "incognito" in their dark sunglasses, but many hungry shoppers spotted him anyway. He is quite tall and was casually dressed in a black hoodie and khaki-colored shorts. They opted for organic food from Coral Tree Express, but when they looked for seats, there were none available. So, Kelsey asked another couple if they could sit at their table, and the clueless pair agreed, never once seeming to recognize the celebrity "doing lunch" with them.

· tuesday night, january 30, watched as a front row table was cleared (forcibly? only the occupants know) for val kilmer and his 5+ entourage for the nightwatchman show at hotel cafe in hollywood. First one then a second much younger female slid playfully onto his lap while val intensely with head bowed or in deep concentration absorbed the evening's performance. while not looking horrible, time has not been good to the middle-aged actor... noticiably bloated, greyed and wrinkled, booze and/or fun in the sun have taken their toll.

· Thursday, 1/31- Marlee Matlin at LAX. She's gorgeous. With her assistant. I was bummed it wasn't the guy who played her assistant on West Wing. Then I realized that television and life aren't the same thing.

Friday 1/26 - Paris Hilton at The Grove. By herself with a ponytail coming out of the top right hemisphere of her brain. And a headband. She was wearing those monstrous Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen I-am-your-demented -grandmother-and-will- fuck-your-eyes-out shoes, skinny jeans, boring tee, and shiny Pink Ladies jacket (the style, not the brand). She touched my hand and I remarked (as I'm sure the one thousand other people she touched whilst barreling through to the front of the line did, too) that I'd just contracted herpes. It was hot.

· Saw Ginnifer Goodwin & Chris Klein at John O' Groat's for brunch on Saturday, 1/27 around 1:30pm. She was wearing this awesome beige, wool wrap with Uggs and yoga pants, no makeup, very fresh and pretty; he was in jeans, t-shirt and a baseball cap. She sat inside and waited for a table (they put their name in with everyone else) while he stayed outside (to keep attention away from themselves? not sure why). Very together, cute and normal.

· Kevin Dillon (JOHNNY DRAMA!) working out at the LA Fitness in Marina del Rey. Brought in his own personal trainer. The usual - smaller in person, worse skin. Still really do-able. But where the hell was Piven!??!

· sunday night, january 28, spent about two hours three stools down from kevin dillon and presumably his agent at tom bergin's on fairfax in l.a. now i know it's his main claim to fame, but either he's not much of an actor, or his entourage schtick is not acting at all. dressed in a white shirt and black suit, obviously intoxicated (and sucking down pints like no tomorrow), his new yawk swagger was spot-on for his popular tv character. even while sucking down cigarettes outside, it was deja vu watching him chat up the bartender and local sycophants.

· While noshing on the finest sashimi in L.A., I spotted an extremely manorexic Carson Daly dining with friends/co-workers at a table at Sasabune on Feb. 1st. He was hiding his protruding bones with the '90s long sleeve shirt under a t-shirt look. On Jan. 31st, I saw a fancy-attired Rebecca Romijn at The Urth Café in Santa Monica with a female friend.

· 1/31 - SNL alum Rachel Dratch chatting and laughing at a table of otherwise unrecognizable people at Mozza (yes, the pizza is worth all the fuss).

2/4 - Scream queen Sarah Michelle Gellar at Equinox Westwood. Flawless.

· 2/1 - simon fuller, ace young, and kellie pickler all cheering on chris daughtry at his el rey gig
2/2 - jason lee and giovanni ribisi sharing a vip booth at m. ward's show tonight at the el rey.

· 2/3 - Saw Jason Lee with family in tow (wife, Pilot Inspecktor, and two grandma types) at Dusty's in Silverlake. He looked just like Earl and was sporting a leather motorcycle outfit. Too bad the service there isn't as good as the sighting.

· At Mani's Bakery on Fairfax around 8p Friday February 2, Zooey Deschanel and a gaggle of male friends. They seemed to sit outside and leave without eating. Looks exactly like she does in the movies, with the big eyes and the skinny and the dark hair and everything.

· Friday 2/2/07: In line at LAX for my Southwest flight to Albuquerque. After I push women and children out of the way to snag my preferred seat and stow my luggage, I get settled in my seat. Boarding the flight after me was Lucy Davis (Dawn, the "Pam" from the original British "Office" and currently stuck on "Studio 60"). I felt bad for her having to fly with the hoi polloi. She kept her head down and chatted on the phone until we took off. Bonus — she was also on my flight back to LAX Sunday night. Again, chatting on the phone as long as possible (probably yelling at her manager to at least get her a coach ticket on a normal airline next time).

· friday 2/2 at the Wolfgang Puck Cafe counter in Gelson's Valley Village, I saw a stunning Brooke Burns...I always thought she was smoking hot on TV and she doesn't disappoint in real life. I don't know how tall she is, but i'm 5'10" and had to look up at her. she was with some actor-type guy that definitely was NOT bruce willis. lucky bastard. i'd so hit that.

· 2-4 saw Scott Ian rock god (without the red dye on his beard) pulling into Bristol Farms on Beverly in his Lexus Rx whatever hybrid family wagon looking like he was on a mission. Probably picking up those last minute snacks for the Super Bowl

· Just had dinner at Jerrys in Encino. Ja Rule was 2 booths down with an ugly little chic.

Boring!

· Just saw Boris Kodjoe last night at 24 hour fitness in Sherman Oaks Galleria. He was using the stationary bike while reading a script. Very reserved demeanor. He always appears to be in deep thought. Extremely handsome in person, and tall as hell.

· Monday 2/5: I saw the guy that played Beverly Lesley (Karen's nemesis) [Leslie Jordan] on "Will & Grace" wandering around Staples on Sunset. He's pocket sized—I just wanted to pick him up and hug him.

In today's episode: Bruce Willis, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Kevin Pollak, David Arquette, Jason Bateman, Jack Nicholson, Rob Reiner, Lou Adler and Jeremy Piven; James Woods and Ashley Madison; Lindsay Lohan; Quentin Tarantino; Ron Howard; Billy Bob Thornton; Val Kilmer and Aida Turturro; Chloe Sevigny; Jenny McCarthy; Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley; Mike Tyson; Zach Galifianakis; Rob Zombie; Amy Smart and Fabio; David Hockney; Molly Stanton and Jeffrey Jones.

· Seen courtside at what was undoubtedly "boys' night out" at last Friday's [pathetic!] Lakers/Bobcats game:

Bruce Willis sitting between Jeffrey Katzenberg and Kevin Pollak, all wearing baseball caps for obvious reasons; David Arquette looking surprisingly cute in a Ryan Gosling sort of way, in the company of non-famous friends; Jason Bateman, also surprisingly handsome, also with civilians; fixture Jack Nicholson (really bald and old) with Rob Reiner and Cisco Adler's dad Lou Adler; and apparently the only famous guy there out on a date (with a very nondescript brunette woman), Jeremy Piven, who, just like alter-ego Ari, spent half the time on his cell. And it wasn't even a boring game (well, not until the 4th quarter)!

· Thursday, jan 25th, urth cafe on melrose, jeremy piven rubbernecking in his 'rover—funny enough that was a day or two after i caught his appearance on the Regis and Kelly show (defense: I WAS ON THE TREADMILL AT THE GYM!), where he prefaced a statement with "this is probably the most pretentious thing i'll ever say,....blah blah blah"...uh, jeremy, really, somehow i just don't think it will be.....

· On 1/24 @7:30pm, The Grove Theater, a super close encounter: My companions and I were in line at the concession stand when we noticed a rather sullen James Woods standing next to our group, with a very young, skinny, tall blonde girlfriend in tow (Ashley Madison). He literally has a big head. What is it with celebs and their huge noggins? He was complaining (not rudely, but rather vocally) that the automatic concession order stations were not working properly. Many wisecracks about modern technology and stupid corporate exectutives were spewed. Picture a scene from Shark or Casino; now I know for certain that James Woods basically plays himself in every movie. The girlfriend, who did not speak one word during his tirade, was trying unsuccessfully to hide two black eyes and a splint from a very recent nosejob under a baseball cap.

· Lindsay Lohan eating dinner at Koi on Thursday night. If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it! She was there with a few girlfriends, and that guy she takes everywhere, Mike Heller. Then later on closer to 10:30, two gay guys joined her table. She came in and out the back door. She didn't seem to be trying too hard to hide, it was like everything was normal. What the fuck kind of rehab lets you go to Koi for dinner!? She probably got kicked out of rehab. I have heard of a lot of rehabs where you get to do things like use your cell phone, or once-a-week attend outside AA, etc., and those rehabs are considered "easy." I want to know what doctors put their stamp of approval behind dinner at Koi as a healthy therapeutic activity.

· saw Quentin Tarantino at Virgin Megastore on sunset today (around 3:15pm) taking a break from editing Grindhouse. nice guy.

· 1-27 Love the Arclight. In line getting tickets, is Ron Howard.

· Sun, 1/21 - This is coming a little late, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Last Sunday afternoon, I was walking out of the Century City mall food court when out of the corner of my eye I spotted Bad Santa himself in full-on "don't f-ing look my way" Bad Santa mode,looked away and kept walking because I respect his craft and am a tiny bit scared of him. He was several feet away and shielded in a cap and sunglasses, but you know that Billy Bob Thornton mug when you see it. He was with a woman who, even from quite a distance and judging from the back, I could tell was likely too close to his age to be a date.

· First time out on the town since the surgery, I spotted batshit-crazy Val Kilmer on the patio of Il Sole on Sat night (1/27). Dining with an older female, looked businessy. About an hour later Iceman was gone but Tony Soprano's sister (Aida Turturro) was sitting in the same spot, gabbing to a group of friends. Must be the designated celebrity seating area, which is odd because it's probably the most visible table in the place - you basically HAVE to walk by it to get to the host stand. On second thought, maybe that's on purpose. Bob Gersh was there too, but nobody cares about agents, right?

· chloe sevigny showed up for karoke at cha cha last night. so pretty! so normal! I'd tell you more, but drank far too much to collect any further details.

· Tues., Jan. 30 - Jenny McCarthy in the lower-level lingerie department at Saks in BH. Accompanied by an uber stylish Amazonian blonde woman. Jenny cazh in jeans, but tiny and also kind of a tiny head. No lollipop girl there, I'll tell ya.

· saturday, january 27 saw avril lavigne and deryck whibley emerging from the mac store with two parental figures. they are really small in person. also saw the el pollo guy at h&m the same day. the people that work at the store were pretty stoked to see that guy.

· Saturday night, 8:30PM, Borders on La Cienaga (I'm married). Brushing past me on way out... Mike Tyson. At a book store. On Saturday night. Seemed nice enough (?), but never in a thousand-million years would you want to fight that man.

· Saw horror faux-teur Rob Zombie and his wife (?) Sheri in Larchmont Village on Saturday. He needs a bath.

· 1/28, 12:30 p.m. Saw the heavily hirsute, somewhat underachieving Comedians of Comedy stalwart Zach Galifianakis leaving Joni's Coffee Roasting Cafe in Marina Del Rey. He got into a green Subaru with a brunette who was entirely too hot for him. No leftover Sunday brunch was immediately visible in his ChiaBeard.

· 1-28-07 My boyfriend and I were at the Whole Foods on Fairfax and Santa Monica to pick up some dinner. As soon as we walked in, my boyfriend went crazy over a stringy, tapered-jean-wearing, thin-haired girl who appeared as if she hadn't seen a bottle of conditioner in three weeks. Excitedly he grabbed my arm to come look at Amy Smart, however, I was extremely underwhelmed. Standing before me was a cancer patient with over-processed, unnatural black witch hair. She looked like a waif in a ratty sweatshirt picking out string beans (apparently it's the new south beach diet). Anyway, she was nothing to write home about. The cash register boy said it best himself, "Yah, she comes here all the time... she looks like shit". As a side note, while we were checking out, I offered to pay for our meal as Fabio turned to me squinting in his tight LA Choppers jersey, high cut washed out Levi's, and his very 2005 cowboy boots. I don't know about you, but I can believe it's not butter.

· leaving a lunch meeting at Hugos yesterday 1-25 around 2pm i was walking down to the parking lot next door and i saw a cute old guy standing with a group of young cute guys i had to walk through them and i looked up to see David Hockney smoking with his little cap on and that wonderful voice. I hadn't seen him out in a long time, looks older, but oh so amazing!

well that is my first sighting comment...........by the way my meeting sucked.

· Everything around me in the strip mall was in Spanish. I was terrified, and trying to find The Good Chiropractor (flying cross country 8 million times in a middle seat is rough). Ray of sunshine, even at 9am on a Saturday, Molly Stanton — the hetero twin from Twins (way back when we still had the WB), holding an icy Starbucks, like a vision, bounded in to the office. People who can move freely should not be chipper around grouchy, non-Starbucks anointed people who just want caffeine and an adjustment.

· Yesterday (1-24) saw Jeffrey Jones dining at Chan Darette, on Pico in West LA. He is ginormous and looks really...bad, to be frank. I guess he's old now. My dining companion remarked, didn't he suffer from some health issues recently? I didn't recall that, but I do remember something about him being busted for downloading underage porn. Classy! Jeffrey dined with two older male companions, they looked like they were having a good time.

We at Defamer love little in life more than when one of our readers goes through the trouble of eroding a famous person's privacy in a trivial way by surreptitiously snapping a blurry cameraphone image while they're in the act of doing something utterly mundane. (Stars, after all, are just like Us! Except with millions more dollars and an entire industry dedicated to documenting their every fart.) Our latest citizen paparazzo caught Shark actor James Woods by an LAX baggage claim on Tuesday; sadly, Woods was not accompanied by age-inappropriate snuggle-buddy/niece-like companion Ashley Madison, robbing us of an opportunity to make a gratuitous joke about how he might have patiently explained the difference between this kind of carousel ("I'm sorry, the horsies are never coming around, baby.") and the one in Griffith Park he used to take her to when she was 5.

• Citizen Paparazzi: Mel Gibson Passes By Lobby Crafts Fair Without Incident [Defamer]

In today's episode Priscilla Presley, Lisa Marie Presley and Scott Baio; Pamela Anderson; Mark Ruffalo; James Woods and Ashley Madison; Jessica Alba; Chris Klein and Ginnifer Goodwin; David Duchovny; Maria Shriver; Famke Janssen; David Lynch; B.J. Novak; Kate Hudson; Cesar Millan; Jean-Claude Van Damme; Tom Arnold; John Glover; "Weird Al" Yankovic; Judith Light and Juliette Lewis.

· Monday evening 12/18 - Polo Lounge - While having a drink at the bar I saw Priscilla Presley, Lisa Marie & her strange looking husband with the hat. Scott Baio was at a nearby table.

On Tuesday afternoon 12/19 I saw Pamela Anderson buying a ton of toys at Tom's Toys in Beverly Hills. She's much tinier than I expected. Real friendly too - not even wearing much makeup or requisite huge sunglasses

· yo! totally invisible in his ball cap, Mark Ruffalo does Hollywood Home Depot Tuesday morning. dude looks like he knows his way around. nobody paid him a bit of attention. still too much the 'Art' film star?

· Jimmy woods @ dan tanas with ashley whatsherface ( Madison) right now. 12.19 9thirty

· I ran into Jessica Alba at the newly remodeled Century City mall on Wednesday evening (around 5pm) December 20th, 2006. She wore a baggy knit cap to cover some unkempt, highlighted hair, a light brown leather jacket, slim fit jeans and high heel boots while smiling and power walking with a spikey haired man and older woman (boyfriend & mother? i dunno). P.S. that new food court is like a futuristic space-station cafeteria...a whole vendor devoted to serving chile in all forms? amazing! My new favorite "less-crowded-than-the-grove" mall.

· Saw Chris Klein and Ginnifer Goodwin at John O'Groats this morning. He was tall, she was tiny. She has such a beautiful clear complexion (and is seriously Katie Holmes twin).. they were talking about her leaving on Saturday and some present he bought her in Nevada.

· Early afternoon at the Wild Oats off Montana in Santa Monica on 12/19. I was getting a muffin when a slightly greasy looking guy was waiting behind me...realized at the cash register that it was none other than David Duchovny. Looks pretty good, and exactly like he did on X-Files.

· Monday (12/18) I was visiting disneyland with some out of town guests. they wanted to see celebrities, but all the LA gods had to offer was first lady Maria Shriver. She was on the peter pan ride with another woman. Three kids were in the pirate ship in front of them and the blondest one gave the ride operator a "hang loose" sign—so apparently they have a pre-teen deadbeat surfer in the family. Maria, of course, looked fresh from chemo. incidentally, they didn't seem to have much in the way of security with them, so apparently her cheekbones double as weapons.

· As I was pulling into my Miracle Mile office building this morning (12-20), Famke Janssen was heading out of the driveway. Her extreme tallness is apparent even when she's folded into the front seat a gun-metal gray Prius.

· Speaking of the Grove... David Lynch was there on Sunday, Dec. 17, eating at one of the two restaurants with a much younger, seemingly Russian lady.

Right after that, ran into B.J. Novak at the Trader Joe's on 3rd and La Brea.

· I think I saw Kate Hudson, the baby and not Owen Wilson together walking East from Urth Cafe in West Hollywood (I think it was sunday, but I was boozed in a cab).

BUT....

La piece de resistance of sightings in my life.... It was a cold and wet Saturday night at the Petco parking lot on the corner of Doheney and Melrose. I was wearing worn out and slippery J Crew flips from last summer, walking as carefully as possible holding my shoppings. Out of the deep dark night, I heard dulcet tones of an angel "Do you need a hand?" I nearly fell on my ass. Cesar Millan. The dog whisperer himself, offering to help me to my car. He is small, and manly, and I love him

· Dec 17 - beautiful Sunday morning in Santa Monica - there was Jean Claude Van Damme at the Coffee Bean on Main Street. Recognized him right away since he hasn't seemed to age a bit since his first movie. Well, Ok - maybe a little extra chin.

· 16 Dec 2006, 10pm - I saw Tom Arnold at the Century City AMC with a woman who appeared to be, after a quick google image search, his wife. My boyfriend was buying tickets and I turned around and saw Tom standing in line. My boyfriend is a huge fan of his wacky personality and his former sports show. I tried to get my boyfriend to say hi, but he got shy and didn't want to disturb them - but I know he will regret it. This was a semi-exciting event because it was my first sighting after living in LA for a couple of years.

· On Sunday, Dec. 17, I saw John Glover going the WRONG WAY at the IKEA in Burbank. Dude totally came in through the exit and was swimming against the tide through the textiles department, towards the surprisingly dim lighting area. He was sporting a pony tail, long trench coat, and dark pants, and looked exactly like he did in that episode of Law and Order. Maybe he thought it was a reshoot, and we were all extras. Maybe he's too artsy to heed the call of the arrows on the floor pointing the other direction. Who knows what that guy's thinking?

· 4:45PM Thursday, while ducking out of work for some last second gift shopping, I saw Weird Al Yankovic walking around in the Apple Store at the Grove. He looks a little tired, and possibly a bit dazed as he circled the genius bar. He was wearing a grey 'Weird Al 2004' tour sweatshirt and some kind of faux-alligator print Vans. What was he buying? I have no clue. If there weren't a whole bunch of e-mail terminals right there, I might not have even bothered to send this in. Except that Weird Al's "In 3-D" was one of my favorite albums of all time, and I've been humming his "Eye Of The Tiger" parody all week because the new Rocky movie is coming out.

· 12/20 80's cheesy TV flashback at the coffee shop at the Beverly Hills Hotel — none other than Judith Light (tony danza's foil "angela" on the series "who's the boss") waiting for a seat at the counter. no attitude.

And the award for C-level Sighting Shamelessly Planted In A Misguided Attempt At Moving Some Of Your Store's Crappy, Outdated Merchandise goes to:

· Juliette Lewis was shopping yesterday in the Yana K Boutique on Melrose Ave (West Hollywood) where she purchased the "Turtle Up Dress". The turtleneck dress she bought was velvet with a blue black and tan 80's style print. So retro! Samples and images are available. Please contact Yana K directly as I will be out of the country beginning tonight!!! Her email is [redacted]. Happy holidays!

In today's episode: Robert Duvall, Thandie Newton, Dolph Lundgren, Michael Vartan, Avril Lavigne, Melissa Padrón and Paul Herman; Chazz Palminteri, Robert Davi, Stephen and Billy Baldwin; Britney Spears and Justin Long; Jeremy Piven, Dee Snider and Kurt Fuller; Andie MacDowell; James Woods; Andy Dick; Ron Livingston; Liev Schreiber; John C. Reilly; Elijah Wood, Busy Phillips, James Denton, Curtis Armstrong and Kevin McDonald; Brooke Shields and Lukas Rossi; Frankie Muniz; Adam Brody; Rob Dyrdek; Ben Savage; Jason Wahler and Andy Milonakis; Fiona Apple, B.J. Novak, Robert Wuhl, Dave Eggers and Jonah Hill; Scott Baio and John Kalodner; Sarah Silverman; Larry Joe Campbell and Neil Flynn; Sean Hayes; Connie Britton, Famke Jannsen and Selma Blair; Jordana Brewster; Catherine O'Hara; Bob Newhart; Clarence Williams; Thomas Lennon; Jason Hervey; Danielle Rees and Darren Robinson; Zooey Deschanel; Richard Benjamin; Tom DeLonge, Adam Busch and Amber Benson.

· It was packed at Ago last night on 12/7. Quite a few sightings, some very random. Thandie Newton walks in with a guy with dark, scraggly hair and about 5'10. She heads for the ladies and then to a table outside afterwards. She is stunning. Flawless skin and about 5'7. Thin, but very graceful looking. A real beauty. I had my back to the door, but my Dad spotted Robert Duvall walking in. Came in with his wife and went right outside to a table despite a packed bar waiting for tables. Looks just like you'd expect. Kind of funny - the maitre'd told him to watch his step up to the outdoor patio and Duvall kind of paused on the step and hesitated. Either he was pissed that the guy thought to tell him to watch out because of his age or he was really steadying himself. He looks pretty good for his age. Next, Dolph Lundgren was milling around. Buzzed hair cut and very fit, good looking guy. We were inside and my brother's gf spotted a guy through the window sitting about an arm's length from me - Michael Vartan. Great hairline and handsome - he was sitting down, so no height info. Avril Lavigne went to the ladies twice (also sat outside) - she was very tiny and short, wearing a very hip outfit of jeans and a vintage coat. So small. Also spotted Real World Miami girl (Melissa Padrón) and Beansie from the Sopranos (Paul Herman).

This was better than last time about a month ago: Lundgren again (is this his spot or what?!?!) and a table of Chazz Palminteri, Robert Davi (of Goonies and Die Hard fame) and two Baldwins (Stephen and Billy). That time was hilarious, though, because some guy said something to Stephen, and all I heard Stephen say was, "Thanks a lot man, but I'm Stephen."

· Last night (12/7) went w/ a couple of friends to "Black Out" (a cabaret show at Aqua in Beverly Hills)... my friend who suggested it knows some dancers, choreographers and managers involved in the show. She asks one of the afore mentioned choreographers/managers if we can sit in the middle part w/ all the pillows on the floor (we got there early but not early enough to score a seat... although there was a huge table being reserved for someone that remained empty). Well... the table was reserved for Britney Spears, and when she showed up (a few minutes before the start of the show)... it was decided by her & her entourage that our seats looked like more fun... so they had us removed... and we had to stand in the back cuz Britney's hangers on didn't want to give up the table to us, even though they had taken our seats. Thanks Britney.

Not that he deserves any of the blame... but I had more respect for the "Mac Guy" (Justin Long) who was apparently in her entourage... having run into him around town... he seemed like a nice guy. Too bad he got mixed up w/ BS.

· I don't know why, but I've been having a ton of celeb sightings lately.

Last week, I was stopped at a crosswalk by the school in my neighborhood (West LA/Westwood), and Kurt Fuller (Wayne's World, that new show with Wendy Malick) walked right in front of me, taking his daughter to school.

Last night (12/11) I was at LAX, and saw both Jeremy Piven and Dee Schneider of Twisted Sister (not together) at baggage claim. Jeremy looked like a pimped out version of himself (hat, leather jacket, on the phone the whole time), while Dee Snider just looked like himself, albeit a scruffy version (hey, it was midnight) of the guy we see on those VH1 or E! shows. He had on black tight jeans, a trucker cap, and was carrying a gold briefcase. Yeah, I don't know.

Finally, today, I saw Andie MacDowell at the Lather store in Pasadena. She was shopping with a friend, and was dressed as an equestrian in riding boots, brown riding pants, and a brown sweater. She is still absolutely gorgeous.

· Driving down the street on Burton in beverly hills, I was remembering last week's sighting of James Woods with 19 y/o "niece" in front of l'ermitage. And what do you know, there was the man himself a block from the hotel walking his dog 'Angel' - no "niece" at his side...

· Saturday, around 1 p.m., saw a most-distressed Andy Dick in the bathroom on the 8th floor of the Beverly Center looking like he was inches away from crapping his pants, or perhaps already beginning to do so. He was sweating and doing that leg-dragging walk that little kids do when they're debating if the immediate relief would be worth the social torment.

Also, Ron Livingston at La Poubelle in Los Feliz Friday night. Nothing special to report there.

· Spied Liev Schreiber at the Grove on Sunday. He looked as freaked out by the masses of little girls running around holding American Girl dolls as I did. Why did either one of us think it was a good idea to go to Grove on the Sunday before Christmas? We're so stupid.

· John C. Reilly in Whole Foods, Pasadena looking just like JCR ought to look. Seriously. And in a city starved for celeb sightings, news of his presence spread like butter on a hot waffle. He was very chatty and pleasant to the meat guy helping him and his laughter was unmistakable. And special kudos to him for walking around without a cell phone glued to his head. How refreshing is that? He's not afraid of our cooties.

Last thing: by the time he reached the checkout I think he could feel dozens of eyeballs on him because he looked pretty embarrassed. I don't think it helped that his checker was totally cheesing and blushing a very beet red. Veeery gay!* C'mon, dude get a grip. Seriously.

(* Not in the derogatory sense.)

· 12/11 - King King in Hollywood - I went to a show called Mortified (people do readings of cringe-worthy shit they wrote when they were kids) and they had some "surprise guests" at the end. For the last guy, some schmuck wrote a horribly embarrassing race car screenplay when he was a teenager, they brought out Elijah Wood, Busy Phillips, someone Denton from DH I'm a guy, sorry I honestly don't know who he is) (James Denton), Booger (Curtis Armstrong) from Revenge of the Nerds, and Kevin McDonald to perform it.

It was all pretty funny. The Hobbit managed not to overact, Phillips managed to be hot, Denton managed to be funny, and Booger managed to get laughs. Judging by his hair, McDonald is auditioning for Side Show Bob on. But he had a hot girlfriend and it made me sad.

· Saturday:

Lukas Rossi (Rockstar: Supernova) entering the MAC cosmetics store on Robertson. Looked just like he did on TV (which is a little scary for 3PM). He was with a short, stubby woman who did herself no favors in parachute pants with draw-string cuffs and heels.

Brooke Shields, husband, daughter (!!!). And another older couple at 1AM (!!!) At the Polo Lounge. Cocktails, etc. Maybe Tom Cruise had a point, what normal mom has the kid in a bar at that hour. She did (I must admit) look great for 42 (she was my pre-teen crush), but is looking a touch man-ish as she ages (they used to call women like that "handsome" back in the day). They stayed well past last call (!!!). Does Scientology have a child services division we can call?

Sunday:

Frankie Muniz, Equinox on Sunset. That boy is a tiny whisp of a thing. If Equinox were "OZ" the big buff WEHO real estate Fags would have dragged him into the steam room and traded him for smokes. He's that frail looking. Sadly, its not "OZ" and they didn't.

· Monday, 12/11. Arclight. 10:50 showing of The Holiday. Spotted Adam Brody (The OC) and an equally attractive male friend in the audience. I'm still confused by this. He's skinny, but adorable (like, "Wow, I wouldn't mind sitting on his face for a while" adorable). He's straight...right? Or was Bilson just his Beard? Why does it seem weird that he'd be at a romantic comedy with another guy?

· * thursday (12/7): rob dyrdek (of mtv's "rob & big") at the ladytron/faint show at the hollywood palladium. rob was sans big black, which was disappointing to say the least (he was instead with someone i'll call 'average white'). also, he came up to my kneecaps.
* friday (12/8): little old ben savage of "boy meets world" fame at three of clubs. guess what... former child stars send drunken text messages while wobbling alone in the corners of dimly lit hollywood bars, just like us!!
* saturday (12/9): Jason Wahler of "laguna beach" fame, looking like a younger, dirtier version of colin ferrell, smoking a never-ending cigarette butt and wearing an off-white, stretched-out thermal undershirt at toast on 3rd street, during brunch. he was with another mtv nobody - andy milanokis, who managed to keep himself under control until the valet pulled up with their early '00's black suburban, at which point he yelped something incoherent and they drove off.
* saturday (12/9): after that nauseating experience at toast... the mcsweeney's event restored my faith in los angeles - the ethereal, imbalanced fiona apple (with some silver fox-looking studio type guy); b.j. novak; arli$$ (aka robert wuhl); would-be "real world"-er dave eggers; and jonah hill.

· 12-7 Spotted tonight: Left the reading at Book Soup for Steve Blush's "American Hair Metal" book release (the Sunset Strip location did not coax any of the book's subjects to the reading, damn!). So the party had to move to the Rainbow for dinner (memories!). Spotted around the room: 80s heart throb Scott Baio, 2005 heart throb James Denton, 80s Metal/Rock A and R God John Kalodener, in all white robes, rocking the long white hair and beard. No Lemmy or members of White Lion through...

· Saw Sarah Silverman at...Yamashiro in Hollywood on Sat. night, standing outside @ valet. The only reason I noticed her was the sharp contrast of her adidas-type tracksuit/baseball cap against the less casually dressed crowd.

· 12/9 @ IOWest:

Larry Joe Campbell ("According to Jim") with his improv group "The 313"

Neil Flynn (The Janitor from "Scrubs") with his improv group "Beer Shark Mice"

Both hung out afterwards and were very friendly, talking to everyone.

12/10 @ Fred Segal:

Sean Hayes (wearing retro Dallas Mavericks t-shirt) standing in the cafe talking to two men. Taller than I expected.

HOLY COW!!! I totally forgot the best one from this weekend:

12/10 pm : AA flight from LA to Dallas - IVAN DRAGO (Dolph Lundgren). Sitting in the front row of first class with a shaved head, wearing a crushed velvet jacket, jeans and work boots. Easily 6'5" and just plain mean looking. No one noticed him or bothered him at the luggage carousel at D/FW.

· An abundance of sightings on Melrose in the last 2 days....

* At M Cafe on Thursday (12/7) : 1st saw Connie Britton (currently playing the Mom in the tv version of Friday Night Lights, but has done plenty of tv) leaving as we arrived. She looked pretty much like you'd expect her to. Next Famke Janssen showed up with some guy and a ridiculously cute dog. Finally, completing the trifecta, Selma Blair and a male friend arrived. Selma has a fantastically edgy new hair cut (a celeb with a partially shaved head!) and the makeup looked fab. Loved it! She went over and exchanged the "Hey, we're both celebrities" pleasantries with Famke. Enjoyable.

* On Friday (12/8) saw Jordana Brewster exiting the Baskin Robbins on Melrose. She was gorge and with some good looking guy. Heard she's engaged, maybe it was the fiance? The obscenely overrated Pinkberry is across the street, yet Jordana chose Baskin Robbins. Consider me a fan now. Tried to explain to my friends who she was by going over what movies she's been in, but sadly all I could remember was that she dated Derek Jeter and Mark Wahlberg. Ouch.

· Saw Catherine O'Hara (e.g., Best in Show) at the Culver City Trader Joe's on 8 December in the early afternoon. I think she was near the bread first then later I spotted her looking at the household products section. Her eyes really stood out, very big and beautiful.

· Two very cool/old skool/TV Land sightings this week:

12/5 - Lunchtime, coming out of my lower BH office building with x-mas shopping on the brain, comedy legend Bob Newhart steps on the 'vator with me, either coming from the bank (counting his funny money) or the radiologist (which worries me, but Mr. Newhart looked good) . In the middle of telling how awesome he is I have an IHBF (that is, involuntary holiday brain fart) and tell him what I'm getting my brother for Christmas; he just smiled with that deadpan/bemused Newhart smile. Whatever. Classic.

12/7 - Lunchtime, getting his health-conscious groove on, I saw Clarence Williams aka "Link" from The Mod Squad in the Whole Foods Market @ 3rd & Fairfax, looking real actor-serious with his food bar purchase. He still has that Bad-Ass-Militant-Cool vibe and more was than a little intimidating, even with what was probably a tofu wrap. Can you dig it?

· I know that this is a C-list celebrity sighting at best, but it totally made my day. Today (Saturday), Thomas Lennon (Lieutenant Dangle on "Reno 911!") walked into the travel bookshop on West Third Street... seemed very friendly and chatty with the shopkeepers. He actually had a mustache just like on the show, but thankfully, he wasn't wearing Lieutenant Dangle's short shorts. Anyway, after a long drought of celebrity sightings, there's nothing like a hip-but-obscure sighting to get you back in the game.

· All five feet and three inches of dickhead brother Wayne (Jason Hervey) from "The Wonder Years." He was meandering around the Santa Monica Mall foodcourt deciding between The Great Steak and Potato Company and Hot Dog On A Stick.

· Not too exciting but I saw runway model Dani Rees dining with Phantom Planet guitarist Darren Robinson at Wokano last week. She is very pretty in person. They seemed happy, normal and low key.

also

Last Wednesday I saw Zooey Deschanel at the Beverly Hills Sport club. She was on the treadmill with her ipod and a ponytail. She went pretty much unnoticed.

· Caught Richard Benjamin pushing his own cart at the Marina del rey Costco this afternoon (12/8 — around 3:00pm).

It's super clear this guy hasn't had any cosmetic work done on his face. In fact, I sorta thought global warming might be affecting his appearance as all his features seem to be melting/ sliding off to the right side.

The cart was empty, and he had an expression that read: "This place is way too fuck'in big. Time to get some cheap gas. I'm outta here."

· 10 Dec 2006, 10am - I saw Tom DeLonge at the LAX Southwest baggage claim standing among the pasty folks from Northern California on their way to the Long Beach cruise terminal. I hope Tom got the cheap internet fare too, otherwise it's not worth the hearding and subsequent scramble for a seat.

· While stopped at a red light on Beverly Blvd. near the Beverly Center, who should happen to pass in front of me but Amber Benson and Adam Busch—actors best known for their roles as murderee and murderer (respectively) on Buffy the Vampire Slayer—holding hands, looking couple-y.

In today's episode: Oliver Stone; Ashton Kutcher; Kiefer Sutherland and John Mayer; James Woods; Patrick Dempsey; Chloe Sevigny; Cuba Gooding Jr.; Tommy Lee and Hayden Panettiere; Fergie; Travis Barker; Steve Kmetko and Demetri Martin.

· Hey... saw Oliver Stone + 2 women come out of East-West gay bar on Santa Monica Blvd. around 1:30 am [12-8-06]... No height surprises, just as what i envisioned 5'11, dark suit, with 2 drunk women... holding both women's waists as they were exiting the door; bumped into one of the girls coming in... He kissed one girl on the street on the way to their car, while the other looked on.

· 12/06- Spotted Ashton Kutcher at American Rag (Is the "Cie" really necessary?), sporting a navy blue sweatshirt and a terrifying trailer park molestache. He's pretty tall, but with bad posture, and seemed friendly, chatting for a bit with a generic gay man who was fawning over him. He may have been an aquaintance, but I wasn't listening closely enough to tell.

· Kiefer Sutherland chilling at the VH1 Save the Music party Fri night at some mansion off Mulholland in BH. Talking to what looked like business associates, and not even drinking, which is sad because I was hoping he'd go another round with a Christmas tree. Probably there because that lame band he manages was playing. Speaking of lame, John Mayer was there, and that eastern european guy from Rockstar Supernova who I think lost in the final round.

· 12/3 - After noticing the James Woods and "niece" age blonde sighting at the Beverly Hills Hotel on Saturday, I thought I'd mention that I saw the same except the two were standing outside the L'Ermitage on Sunday. Not sure if it's the same young blonde. Some may say, "Good for you, James Woods." I say, "Ick."

· Disney/ABC/Buena Vista Pictures films sitcoms and what not on Thursdays and Fridays on the lot. Everyone always sees famous people except for me (though I have seen the guy from 'What About Brian' in the commissary but I think the work "famous" would be a stretch). Well....today I go to the Disney Employee Store on the lot to pick up a few things for the holidays and who looks straight in my eyes while i'm waiting at the register?? Patrick Dempsey. I couldn't tell if he was dressed casually as part of his "costume" (b/c it kind of looked like the stuff he wears on the show) or if he just came by to pick stuff up. He was shopping for little girl clothes.

· Saturday night at Silver Lake's Edendale Grill, the best restaurant that used to be a firehouse that I've ever eaten in, a dining companion nearly choked on her salad when she realized that we were in the presence of hipster royalty, as Chloe Sevigny was holding court with several friends a couple of tables over. I calmly informed her that I was not in the least impressed, as I have previously seen brighter lights like Ashley Olsen and Maura Tierney at this particular establishment, the celebrity-sighting benchmarks by which all others will forever be judged.

· Two not-very-exciting Valley sightings. I know, I know, all the cool people live on the other side of the hill.

A casually dressed Cuba Gooding Jr. was at Henry's Tacos in Studio City on Tuesday afternoon, December 5. A woman (blonde, perhaps—hard to tell through the tinted windows) stayed in their massive SUV while he jumped out and ordered. Either she's more famous than he is or he's a gentleman.

And last night (12/7), John C. Reilly slipped into a chauffeur-driven town car after shopping at the Longs drugstore at the corner of Ventura and Laurel Canyon. He looked exhausted (and was dressed sloppily in jeans and an untucked plaid shirt) but was very pleasant as he asked the driver to take him home.

· 12/2 8:00pm-ish: I saw Tommy Lee at the VH1 "big in 06" event layin' his rap on Hayden Panettiere (aka. the cheerleader) during a trip out to his car for some "refreshments" with the other supernova members. All were in good spirits on the return trip to stage 30, when Tommy helped the Cheerleader over some dangerous ground clutter in a most gentlemanly fashion. I wonder if this means we will see Hayden going to the ER for "exhaustion" anytime soon? And I hope she has on some panties when she gets out of the car.

· I saw Fergie at the airport in Las Vegas on Sunday afternoon, talking about a missed flight on her cellphone. She looked way better in person than I expected...

· black friday: saw travis barker walking down Wilshire blvd in santa monica holding several baby gap bags. what a rebel.

· Saw Greg Louganis' ex, former E! News Daily host Steve Kmetko, having breakfast (12-6) at my favorite spot (name redacted lest it be overrun with Kmetko-stalking pancake lovers) in Silver Lake. He was sitting with a group of middle-aged gay dudes. I wasn't really listening, but I couldn't help but overhear when he yelled, "It's when the stewardesses have to take their seats that you say to yourself, 'Shit!!!'" To be honest, I barely recognized him—he's put on a whole lot of weight since his on-camera days. Bet Greg's still rockin' the diver's body. Burn!

· Thurs Dec 7, 1:00ish, Third Street Promenade, standing outside Le Pain Quotidien after a lovely lunch. Spotted the adorable Demetri Martin exiting the Tower Records store. He was wearing a blue Disney sweatshirt with Mickey Mouse on it, and did not appear to have purchased anything. But he was sporting a Discman instead of an Ipod. Rock on with your old school self, Demetri!

[Ed. note: There has been some debate in the comments recently over perceived "planted" sightings. We can assure you, every PrivacyWatch submission goes through a rigorous, 28-step quality control process, upon which any sighting deemed not to meet our high standards is published anyway. The following sighting, however, is only being posted as an example of the kind of sightings we don't want to receive: Not only did it occur in Australia (just a smidge out of our required region of the greater LA area), it's pretty much the most blatant plug for two sound guys the world could care less about we've ever seen.

· Kate Hudson (on location in Port Douglas, Queensland Australia filming "Fool's Gold" for Warner Bros) seen having dinner with American sound engineers Brian McCarty & Jeff Wexler at Sea Temple Resort. McCarty & Wexler are preparing the Coral Sea Studios project for high end music and post-production recording. Wexler was sound mixer on Hudson's breakthru picture "Always Famous".

In today's episode: James Woods; Sharon Stone and Nelly; Jason Davis; Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner; Reese Witherspoon, Greg Kinnear, David Spade, Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O'Connell; Cuba Gooding Jr.; Kevin Nealon; Tom Arnold; Breckin Meyer and Catherine O'Hara; Edward Norton; Dylan Walsh; Chris Rock; Paris Hilton; Stephen Dorff, Johnny Knoxville and Jeff Garlin; Jason Alexander, Robert Forster and Ron Jeremy; Bryan Singer, Sarah Silverman and Jeffrey Ross; Bryce Dallas Howard; Adam Brody and Ashlee Simpson; Justin Long; Randy Quaid; Benjamin Mackenzie and Monica Keena; Joel Michaely; Camryn Manheim and Jennifer Love Hewitt; Jeanne Tripplehorn; will.i.am; Eddie Steeples; Joel Grey; Jay Manuel; Kristin Cavallari; Lukas Rossi and Lauren Conrad.

· Sharon Stone at a corner booth at the Polo Lounge Saturday night, Dec. 2. having an intense conversation with Nelly the rapper.

Also earlier in the day saw James Woods with a very young blonde girl who did not look a day over 19. Who knows, could be his niece? As we were leaving, saw Jason Davis strolling in alone. Guess he didn't have any luck getting in anywhere else.

· Saturday (12/2) having dinner at Capo in Santa Monica. Who should come in and sit at the 4-top next to us but Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. They sat on adjacent sides of the table, facing out into the room. Both looked great - Ben had about a week's worth of beard, Jen was in a hot little black dress. Ben talked a lot and touched Jen's arm a lot. Dude's tall. They ate their meals, split a half-bottle of wine (?!) and left without fanfare.

· On Saturday night 12/2 I attended the Hollygrove Orphanage Holiday Party. It was a starstudded event at an under the radar restaurant in Santa Monica on PCH called the Brass Cap. Reese Witherspoon looked beautifully single all in black with slick straight hair and spent the evening talking to many and I distinctly heard her commenting multiple times on the benefits of the organization. Also there, was Catherine O'Hara with her husband who was chatting up Cuba Gooding Jr., Kevin Nealon, Jerry O'Connell introducing very loudly his FIANCE Rebecca Romijn, Tom Arnold and David Spade who both seem to have the same drinking problem (addiction to Diet Cokes), Breckin Meyer and a pretty woman I assume to be his wife who spent a lot of time with Reese. Greg Kinnear was flying solo and making the rounds around the room with the jam packed countless number of Hollywood players. Catherine and Cuba seemed a bit tipsy at the end but they also seemed like they were having the best time. Cuba must be one of the nicest guys in the Hollywood, talking to everyone equally including the bartender and hot staff, commenting on his being the only brother in the room as well as the fact that he was a happily married man with three kids. While almost everyone was silent during the speech about the kids at the orphanage there were some exceptions namely: Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca, and Tom Arnold who hanging at the bar got some nasty looks from everyone else in the room trying to get them to shut up.

· Saw the awesome Edward Norton having breakfast Monday morning at BLD on Beverly with a Salma Hayek type. Looked great, if tired

· Thursday night, 11/30, Dylan Walsh at Buddha's Belly on Beverly. He was sitting at the bar, waiting to be seated for dinner with a couple (male) friends. Every head turned when he entered the restaurant.

Friday morning, 12/1, Chris Rock walking through the Farmer's Market at the Grove. He was by himself, talking on his cell phone.

· Saturday afternoon, 12/2, Paris Hilton at Kitson. Does she ever shop anywhere else?! She had on sunglasses, a baseball cap and talked on her cell phone non-stop. There were paparazzi crowding the entrance and at least 20 tourists standing on the sidewalk, pressed up against the windows, desperate for a sighting.

· Friday night (12/1) at the John Waters Christmas Special at Royce Hall: Stephen Dorff walked in ahead of me with a gal who was almost a foot taller than he (which isn't saying much; that guy is short!). Also: Johnny Knoxville, Jeff Garlin.

· Thursday Night (11/30) the side room @ Nobu in Malibu was a veritable cavalcade of stars... Cindy Crawford & Randy Gerber, Marla Maples, Steven Dorff with a hot brunette, and a very pregnant Brooke Burke and David Charvet.

· Spotted at the Grove on 11/22/06 — how's this for a triumvirate:
— Jason Alexander
— Robert Forster
— Porn star Ron Jeremy

· Monday, December 4, at 2pm- Bryan Singer (sans boys!) at Hugos in West Hollywood

Monday, December 4 at 2pm- The beautiful Sarah Silverman and a slovenly Jeffrey Ross lunching together at Hugos in West Hollywood.

· My first time at Pinkberry ever (yes, I know, I'm a couple years behind) and I'm enjoying my fruit-addled yogurt. I'm facing the wall and my buddy says something along the lines of: "look at that pregnant chick, she's wearing all these designer clothes...why?"
Before I could question his sexuality for noticing her attire, I turn around to see redhead-turned-blondie BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD (back to her redhead self again). This Lady's Water has definitely not broken yet, as she was looking BIG, but ready to pop. I wouldn't necessarily say she had the "knocked up glow" going on, but she certainly wasn't looking bad. Anyway, she got TWO large cups of pinkberry with all sorts of fruit on it and carried both gigantic tubs of yogurt out of the WeHo location herself. Gwen Stacy was always hotter than Mary Jane, if you ask me.

· Saturday night, 12/2 - I saw Adam Brody's band Big Japan play before Ima Robot at the Viper Room. Ashlee Simpson showed up with some girlfriends and sat down in the back with Brody and his friends. I was told that Kristen Cavallari of "the real O.C." was also present, but the place was so full of identical, cheesy-looking blondes that I could not pick her out of the pack. In case you care, Brody is actually a pretty damn good drummer, but the band played very generic, forgettable rock. The blondes could not get enough, while Ashlee sat in the back and talked during their set.

· Sunday afternoon, around 4:00 PM, Farmer's Market at 3rd and Fairfax, between Loteria and French Crepe Co.: Spotted Justin Long ("Mac," or, as I remember him, the guy who stood next to Van Wilder in "Waiting" and the guy who propped up the Unsinkable Lindsay Lohan in "Herbie: Fully Loaded") eating mexican food with a guy in a fedora. Justin looked shaggy (longer hair and facial hair; not the clean cut white boy he normally looks like) and he seemed jovial. The two shook hands at one point but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Perhaps this was Microsoft's attempt to lure him to the dark side.

· Thursday, 11/30 Passing by Vendome Liquor on Olympic in Beverly Hills around 3pm, I decided to go in and do some Christmas shopping for myself, as I was in no hurry. I had just entered and was trying to decide which spirit aisle to strike first when in walks Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid), all 7 and a half feet of him. Seriously, this guy is TALL. I probably wouldn't have given him a second look and made the positive Quaid I.D. if he wasn't so tall. I'm six feet tall and I don't think I even came up to his shoulder. Anyway, he gets right down to business. He asks the semi star struck cashier if he can do lottery in his register lane, (there are two lanes), he says no, use the other check out lane. Mr. Quaid gets in line. The cashier continues in a i'm your buddy kinda voice, "How's your golf game?" Mr. Quaid responds with a total shutdown of, "I don't play anymore," to which the cashier replies, "Well, I sure loved you in that movie where you played golf." Mr. Quaid smiles and nods, then turns away, i.e. thanks, but leave me alone. The cashier continues, "Well, you sure look like you're in good shape, have you lost weight?" No response as Mr. Quaid reaches the front of the line and produces a fist full of Lotto tickets. My view was partially blocked, but I would say no less than five, no more than ten. This new cashier doesn't recognize him. He scans all the tickets, I guess to see if any of them were winners, (I don't play), then he buys a whole bunch more. I watch him pay and exit, I'm thinking, maybe he's down and out and looking for a break playing the lottery. I walk to the door to see if he's driving a shitty car. His shitty car is a very shiny new one of those silver Mercedes Box SUV's.

· On Wednesday morning, I saw Monica Keena and Benjamin Mackenzie from The OC at Bhava Salon on Melrose. Also, Joel Michaely at Hamburger Mary's with a couple of hot actressy looking blondes. And then Camryn Manheim and Jennifer Love Hewitt at Universal, but that's not weird because they work there.

· On Saturday: Jeanne Tripplehorn at the H&M in the Beverly Center, looking absolutely breathtaking.

· 12/1 I just met will.i.am (looking how he always does with a hat on) at the Armani Boutique in BH where there was a DJ and free pomegranate martinis. I went up and told him my sister loved his band and had given me a CD with one of their songs on it. He asked which one, I said I don't know, and I sang a line from the song. He said, "Don't Funk with my Heart!" and I said I love the beginning of the song. He said tell your sister "what's up!" He was very low key and approachable, and said he was there to get his RED shirt.

· I was at the Auto Show on Saturday 12-2-06, looking at Mercedes that I will never be able to afford, and I turn around and see the "My Name Is Earl" Crab Man himself, Eddie Steeples. I resisted the urge to say "Hey Crab Man", which I'm sure many did before me throughout the day. But he seems like a cool guy.

That's all I got.

· I was dining on Monday, 12-4, during happy hour at the Jewish Home For The Aged at Kate Mantilini's, and Joel Grey was there, looking pretty perky, but as short as you'd suspect. He was with some tall, shaved-headed dude in a leather bomber who was pretty handsome. I suppose I could have stared more and tried to figure out their connection, but you know, fuck, it's Joel Grey. Who cares - life's too short.

· You know, TMZ should just station their cameras outside the LAX American Airlines Admirals Club. This is the place for D-List sightings. Tuesday, 12-5. Apparently deciding he had to escape of the wrath of America in advance of the season finale of America's Next Top Model, Jay Manuel is hightailing it to Australia for reasons unknown, presumably to be fierce in lieu of Tyra. So let's critique. Dear Jay, that Louis Vuitton travel bag is just tacky - labels are so 1989. As are your torn jeans, presumably True Religion, although that's not the way I roll so I can't be sure. The black t-shirt does nothing for your figure. I mean, you are slender and have nice arms and some pecs, but the paunch down below is distracting. Your butt is also kind've big. You do have the appropriate height, but I'm worried about your feet. They are fucking huge. We're talking size 16. Forget the foot modeling career. And some advice on TSA security. Cowboy boots (distressed and antique, natch), lots of jewelry, and a queer-ass western belt with a huge buckle should be removed before entering the security check. That being said, you can't go unrecognized with that haircut. And some Maybelline would help with the rather pale and drawn face. What the hey. I'm not you, and you were really sweet the entire way through check-in, all the way to the inner sanctum of the Aadmirals Club. So you're OK with me. Have a good flight. And work it girl.

· kristin "STEPHEN, WHERE AAARE YOU" cavallari at gen art's shopLA, being followed by an entire film crew. aren't you special.

· I'm on a plane from LAX to DFW on 12-5 and who jumps on board but Lukas Rossi, the winner of this past year's Rockstar: Supernova (although thanks to TVGasm, I will always remember him as "Oompalukas" ). He's with a Smurfette, who's even about 6" shorter than him, which puts her at dwarf status (also honey Smurfette, midget fireplugs do not do any justice to tight grey pull-over one-piece sweater dresses and white Ugg boots [what little justice there was left to be had]). Oompalukas had his blonde mohawk cascading over his brunette hair, and had applied every single bit of his trademark mascara. But no one noticed him, perhaps because he was sitting in coach (zing). He got off the plane ducking his head and wearing sunglasses although I'm not sure why, because absolutely no one knew who this stupid little guy was (except for me, and that causes me great shame). Anywhose, I knew J.D. Fortune, and Oompalukas, you are not him. Give it up.*

*Full Disclosure: I'm a card carrying member of Team Zayra.

· Was at Les Deux on Saturday night and Lauren Conrad et al. were filming The Hills at the table next to ours. This is pretty much what I envisioned Hollywood to be like before I moved here... no matter where you go someone is bound to be filming a reality TV show...

Anyhow, there was little interaction between the two tables until are 1:30 when some girl at our table decided that she was going to walk over to LC's table and "accidentally" spill her (girl from our table) entire drink all over her (LC's) back. I watched with mouth agape as one for the girls from LC's table then retaliated by throwing her entire drink all over the girl from our table. I was very intoxicated at this point so I don't remember too well what happened next but I can report that there was unfortunately NOT a full-blown cat fight. Only some light name-calling. I later found myself engaged in conversation with the Hills girls, apologizing for the incident. They were all cool about it, way cooler than I would have been had I got a drink poured all over me for no reason. I took the opportunity to tell LC how much I enjoyed Laguna Beach back in the Halcyon days of 2003, and she graciously accepted my uninspired drunken praise.

I was going to ask her out for gelato... but I figured "too soon."