One might think that Fincher would owe Ciallela a note of thanks—after all, the director knows from angry outbursts, and he confessed at a New York discussion last night that he was half-masochist, half-sociopath. However, Fincher turned dovish when bringing up the Button gunman, says the NY Times:

When a cell phone went off in the audience at Frederick P. Rose Hall in the Time Warner Center, Kent Jones, the evening’s ringleader and the associate director film programming of the film center, issued a stern reprimand about turning off the darn devices. “Thank God it isn’t Philadelphia,” Mr. Fincher said. “Some dude got shot for talking on his cell phone. I don’t advocate that.”

However, the director added, if a moviegoer with a pistol in the waistband of their sweatpants just happened to encounter Fincher enemy John Goldwyn (say, at a Paramount screening room, maybe tomorrow at 4?), he or she may find a special gift in the mail: an immaculately preserved Jared Leto dreadlock from the set of Panic Room, with a mysterious note inscribed, "XOXO, DF."

• Of Virtual Replicants and Sociopathic Tendencies [NY Times]

As you may recall, the heavily browscaped 29-year-old Iraq War veteran attained instant legend status after shooting a too-talkative audience member during a screening of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Cialella was armed and ready during the previous day's matinee of Delgo, but found no fellow patrons). This week, a judge threw out an attempted murder charge and ordered Cialella held for trial on aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and related charges. Victim Woffard Lomax Jr. also revealed new details about the incident:

Lomax, 31, told the judge he was at the movie with his girlfriend and her three teenagers, enjoying the film and laughing, when a man in front of him _ not Cialella _ told him to quiet down.

"We can't laugh?" Lomax recalled asking.

A second man threw popcorn at the family, and a brawl ensued. Lomax said he was fighting with the first man when the second man pulled out a gun and fired, striking him in the left arm.

A defense lawyer argued that Cialella was being choked and punched as he tried to break up the fight and fired in self-defense.

"He's a marksman," lawyer Greg Pagano said. "If he wanted to shoot to kill, he would have."

Still, we can't help but feel sympathetic to Cialella, and we have a brand-new, charitable suggestion for David Spade: instead of donating rifles to the police, of all people, why not resolve to put a Glock in the hands of every usher at the Arclight?

• Iraq Vet's Lawyer: He Fired In Self-Defense In Shooting Over Noisy Moviegoers [HuffPo]

James Joseph Cialella Jr., 29, allegedly fired one round at an unidentified yakker at a Christmas Day showing of Button. According to reports, Cialella had asked the man and his son to keep quiet; when that failed, Cialella began tossing popcorn at the son. Tempers flared and a confrontation occurred, culminating in the dream of every chat-aggrieved filmgoer alive: Cialella drew a .380 caliber handgun and shot the dad in the arm, soundly ending the family's conversation, scattering other patrons in the crowd, and — perhaps best of all — prompting the gunman back to his seat, where he resumed watching the film in complete, unmolested quiet. For a little while, anyway; police soon hauled Cialella from the Riverview Theatre in handcuffs, later charging him with attempted murder, aggravated assault and weapons violations.

We're no lawyers, but surely we've arrived at a point at which the forcible silencing of chatty theater patrons is as self-defensive as shooting a burglar — particularly when it comes to the exquisite craft of David Fincher, whose reaction to this news no doubt supplanted Button's debut as his "first rimjob" moment. As such, consider this the launch of the Free Cialella campaign. We know tolerating a single act of gun violence can create a slippery slope (shooting your upstairs neighbor who spent the last week rewatching Mamma Mia! at high volume is still not justifiable, alas), but surely some genius defense attorney out there can convince a jury that Cialella was acting on all filmgoers' behalves, and in the interest of cinema in general.

Or, in the instance that he really is just a lunatic, at least get some cultural mileage out of the attack. We could use a hero, batshit South Philly gun-fiend or not.

• Phila. man shot because family talked during movie [Philadelphia Enquirer]