Things like, y'know, karate, or a character who can plausibly bear the name of Mr. Miyagi. We've made our suggestions on the topic, but it looks like producers intend to go in a wildly different direction, according to Will Smith (whose son Jaden will be stepping into Ralph Maccio's bare feet). In fact, now that they've gotten budgetary incentives from China, there will have to be some important changes:

Interestingly, though the original movie was set in the United States, the new version will take place in China, and that means key characters will change with it. “We’re making it with the China Film Group, so it’ll be based in Beijing. Mr. Miyagi was originally Japanese, so there’ll be a Chinese adaptation to it.”

But wait, isn’t karate a Japanese martial art in the first place?

“Fortunately, karate is originally a Chinese art form, so that’s the area we’re playing around in.” (Ed. Note: Though karate was developed in Japan, it is based upon Kenpō, a Chinese fighting style.)

Will Mr. Miyagi now become Mr. Mao, and will he teach kenpo in Beijing instead of karate in the San Fernando Valley? Will "Sweep the leg!" become "Envision the white infidel Sharon Stone"? Sorry, Elisabeth Shue — looks like that phone call you placed to your agent may languish on the "to call" list forever.

• Will Smith’s Search For Mr. Miyagi Continues As ‘Karate Kid’ Remake Moves To China [MTV]

1. Nicolas Cage
We can think of no other actor more capable of tapping into both Miyagi's quiet dignity and flying-insect-assassinating ferocity than Cage—to say nothing of his intimate familiarity with Far East mysticism, having served for years as a pachinko pitchman on Japanese TV:

2. Dwayne Johnson
The professional wrestler turned movie star seems determined to prove to Hollywood he's more than a handsome action-lunk. What better challenge, then, than playing a 60-year-old, 5'5" Japanese WWII veteran and vintage auto enthusiast? If the physical transformation is convincing enough, perhaps there's even an Oscar nomination in the cards—as there was for Pat Morita.

3. Jackie Chan
The tender moments of surrogate father-son bonding captured by the original can only be enhanced by saucy half-pint Smith barking, "A CRANE KICK?! ARE YOU NUTS, MR. MIYAGE? I AIN'T DOIN' NO CRANE KICKS! MY KNEE IS SWOLLEN UP LIKE A CANTALOUPE!" as his sensei frantically responds something unintelligible back in comically broken Chenglish.

4. Jean-Claude Van Damme
Van Damme is overdue for a comeback—but while the Kaufmanesque and undeniably foreign JCVD may have won over the international critical community, it's not going to really satisfy the VD-craving masses. This is the part. This is the film. Bienvenue, vieil ami.

5. Samuel L. Jackson
Eleven words: "I want this motherfucking wax ON and OFF my motherfucking CAR."

• Jaden Smith set for 'Karate Kid' redo [Variety]