Manic kewpie Amanda Bynes has begun a two picture deal with Screen Gems, starting with Easy A, a high school comedy starring Emma Stone. Bynes will play a "puritanical queen bee" who shuns Stone after she does it with a boy. When I was 23 I got laid off from selling tickets to Menopause the Musical and moved back in with my parents, on my birthday. So, you win Bynes. You always do. [Variety]

Ah a reunion of friends. Jack Nicholson may team up with writer/director James L. Brooks for his next movie, which already stars Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, and Paul Rudd. Nicholson and Brooks made beeyooteeful music together in Terms of Endearment and As Good As It Gets. Someone go grab Holly Hunter too. [THR]

Oh, twee and tweed and PBR and hand-drawn opening credits. Dmitri Martin's Important Things show on Comedy Central has been picked up for a second season. Most successful show involving an easel since The Joy of Painting. [Variety]

Dear God. That 80s movie Valley Girl (starring Nicolas Cage) is getting remade as a Romeo & Juliet-themed musical with a New Wave soundtrack. It'll be directed by theater vet Jason Moore. And don't worry! This won't be the last exhumation of an old 80s flick. MGM is launching a campaign to revive a bunch of old titles, from RoboCop to Red Dawn. So, good. [THR]

Ohhh nooo. I thought the above news was bad. The guy who wrote that Angelina Jolie thriller Salt has been tapped to pen a remake of... Total Recall. Why? That movie is perfect! With the exploding lady head! And the three boobs! Cohaaaagen! [Variety]

OK, I'm about to give up. Catherine Hardwicke (Twinkle: A Vampire Ballet) will direct Emile Hirsch in a modern retelling of Hamlet set in present day America. With, one hopes, classic lines like "Why don't you go to nun school or something?" and "Oh my god, yo, I knew that fool Yorrick!" [THR]

Oh, and Zac Efron's guesting on Entourage. World, ended. [EW]

A more formal strike authorization will be sought from SAG's 120,000 members in the weeks ahead, but as Sharon Waxman hinted late Monday, when Hollywood royalty gathers secretly to help drop-kick the industry into another winter of chaos, what's really left to vote on?

They met in the private room of an Italian restaurant, like in a scene from one of the Godfather movies: Warren Beatty, Jack Nicholson, Meryl Streep, Nick Nolte, Annette Bening — about 20 of Hollywood’s great stars from the past 30 years. ... These top stars were called together last month by Screen Actors Guild president Alan Rosenberg to give the thumbs up – or thumbs down – on a strike, according to one person who was present, speaking on condition of anonymity.

They were given slips of paper to write down their views as to how or why a strike should or should not occur. Their verdict, according to my source: the guild should move toward a strike.

A spokeswoman for SAG said that the guild has had frequent meetings with high-profile actors to discuss a possible strike. "We have met with high profile actors on sets and elsewhere to discuss various issues throughout our negotiations," said Pam Greenwalt. "We do not publicize the meetings nor do we release details."

We've seen them choose sides before and imagine their allegiances/practices haven't shifted much since then. Still, secret meetings? Italian restaurants? Slips of paper? This easily calls for a whole new set of SAG Strike Apocalypse MadLibs™.

UPDATE, 11/26: Nikki Finke soundly triumphed in her industry-gossip rematch with Waxman, following up with a report exposing the meeting as a fabrication. Waxman has retracted her story. Anyone up for a Watchmen tussle for these two after the holidays?

• FAMOUS STARS GIVE THUMBS UP TO STRIKE IN SECRET MEETING [WaxWord]

1. Harrison Ford - “Air Force One” (1997)
2. Morgan Freeman - “Deep Impact” (1998)
3. Michael Douglas - “The American President (1995)
4. Bill Pullman - ”Independence Day“ (1996)
5. Kevin Kline - ”Dave“ (1993)
6. Dennis Quaid - ”American Dreamz“ (2006)
7. Bruce Greenwood - ”National Treasure: Book of Secrets“ (2003)
8. James Cromwell - ”The Sum of All Fears (2002)
9. Jack Nicholson - “Mars Attacks” (1996)
10. Jeff Bridges - “The Contender” (2000)

Really, America? Dennis Quaid from American Dreamz? Leaving aside our shock that this poll managed to reach all 1,200 people who actually saw American Dreamz, we wonder if they watched a version where Quaid played someone other than a buffoonish parody of George W. Bush. As for Jack Nicholson from Mars Attacks! outranking Jeff Bridges's laid back Commander-in-Chief, perhaps voters simply don't care what the country has to suffer through just so they can eventually live in a teepee with Natalie Portman.

And yes, we noticed the absence of John Travolta's thinly-veiled Bill Clinton analogue from Primary Colors. Maybe his on-screen wife Emma Thompson can run next time.

• Best Movie Presidents: Poll Results [Moviefone]

Just an idea of the awesome '70s graphic design. Elton is psyched to talk about sex!

Warren Beatty discusses what turns him on. A definable waist is a must.

Al Pacino's fantasy involves boredom and a seven foot woman. Anyone care to deconstruct?

Jack Nicholson wants you to help him vomit. Any volunteers?

Two or three dozen naked women, Telly? Seriously?

Tina Turner is awesome. That is all.

Elton John's theme song is Cheap Trick's "I Want You To Want Me."

Dear Pam Grier, Did you hear the one about Truman Capote being gay?

As SAG begins its 38th day of negotiations with the majors today, the pro-AFTRA forces have added Alec Baldwin and Kevin Spacey to their list of several hundred endorsers, led by Tom Hanks and Sally Field. ...

SAG announced Tuesday it had added high-profile supporters including Jack Nicholson, Ben Stiller, Josh Brolin, Ed Harris, Amy Madigan, Viggo Mortensen, Nick Nolte and Martin Sheen. It's also amped up its PR campaign via print ads.

The SAG-AFTRA brawling also raises the key question of clout. SAG has blasted the notion of the AFTRA deal serving as a template, because AFTRA's last primetime contract generated $40 million for members while SAG's last three-year feature-primetime pact generated $4 billion over the same period. Observers say the argument makes little sense, because SAG has so many more members working in the primetime and film arena.

Elsewhere in the paper, the AMPTP gets the backhanded benefit of the doubt: "Studios could stop haggling over pennies, but that's sort of like telling an insurance company to quit low-balling you. That's just what they do — relying on any sane person to give up first." Which suggests to us there's only one solution — a fun, unscripted, winner-take-all slugfest that would conveniently circumvent any potential work stoppage following AFTRA's ratification vote next month: Ladies and gentlemen, let's play the Feud!

• SAG, AFTRA in Spin Cycle [Variety]
• SAG Misses its 'Norma Rae' Moment [Variety]

The images on the left were taken over the weekend, and it's hard not to notice how different Lara looks now as compared to the two on the right, taken in 2006. Her cheeks are a bit more bloated, her lips a little poufier, normally signifiers of collagen and some kind of cheek implants. But...

A quick breeze through her upcoming projects reveals the fact that Lara recently completed work on Life Is Hot In Cracktown, which is based on a book that details several characters' experiences with crack use in the inner cities. Instead of jumping on the plastic surgery assumption bandwagon, we're gonna give Lara the benefit of the doubt here and assume this new get-up is all a part of some grand Kutcherian plan. At least, we're hoping it is.

[Photo Credits: Getty, Barcroft]

• LARA FLYNN BOYLE'S CHANGING FACE [Star]

From where could such a misguided act of campaign desperation have originated? Why, Hollywood, of course! Towleroad spoke to the "two gay filmmakers" responsible for it, screenwriter/director John Krokidas and producer Bruce Cohen:

Towleroad: How do you respond to those who might twist it into a negative thing?

While the piece does profess real reasons we believe Hillary to be the stronger Democratic candidate for president, it is also a satire of your typical politics-as-usual campaign endorsement ad. We have Jack Nicholson, the iconic bad-boy of Hollywood, standing up and voicing his support for a presidential candidate. How can you not make a spot with him that doesn't reflect all of his devilish charm and wit?

While the Nicholson ad probably sounded more fun on paper than in execution, an increasingly desperate Clinton campaign is thrilled with the attention it has received. Hoping for more unsettling celeb endorsements, they've reportedly been courting Ellen Page aggressively to tape a spot in which she expresses her long-held desire to hug the first female candidate for President of the United States with her legs.

• Anatomy of a Viral Video: Who's Behind the Nicholson - Clinton Ad? [Towleroad]

"I can't hit on a girl in public like I used to," he says. "I never thought words like 'undignified' would come into my own reflections on myself, but I can't do it anymore."

Nicholson, whose past flames include Anjelica Huston and Lara Flynn Boyle, explains: "I feel uncomfortable. I don't think anybody cares what I do in these areas, but it feels a little bit off to me."

Of course, we all know Jack was lying to the reporter, fully aware that their geriatric readership would be crushed to learn that the septuagenarian actor is still ably nailing dozens of hot 20-year-olds per week, and plans on doing so until the very last one dismounts his cold, grinning corpse to run off and dial 911.

• Nicholson: 'Can't hit on a girl' like before [cnn.com]

One can't help but wonder what ever became of that shit-grinning, Gucci-tortoiseshell-wearing generation, a diaspora of mini-Jacks and Jills that spreads from the Hills of Hollywood as far as the shores of Mozambique and beyond.

• I'm Jack the dad of 9,000 [The Sun]

In today's episode: Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon; Jack Nicholson and Ice Cube; Hayden Christensen; Dax Shepard; Richard Edson; Pierce Brosnan; Lindsay Lohan; Bill Nighy and Alicia Silverstone; Beau Bridges; Sandra Oh; Marcia Cross; Hayden Panettiere; Jeff Garlin; Anton Yelchin; Ashley Tisdale; Dean Cameron; and Dave Annable.

· Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon were on my flight from SFO to Burbank Monday afternoon. They sat very far away from the gate and of course, kept their sunglasses on the whole time. At one point, I saw him put his head on her shoulder while she stroked his back. Once everyone was on-board except for us stragglers, they snuck in through the United VIP line. Honestly, with no bodyguards or hangers-on, they made more of a production of themselves, looking completely sullen and put-upon in that totally obvious "Don't you dare look at me, I'm famous" way. Like, one girl recognized them and didn't really seem to care, and most people just wondered who the tools in the sunglasses were. Once I was in line to board, I got stuck behind Jake as he tried to load his bag in the overhead bin. But once he saw that a girl in her 20s was standing right behind him, he totally dropped the bag, sat down, and kinda covered his face.

· Last Friday at the Laker game, I had the obligatory Jack Nicholson sighting. Way more fun was Ice Cube in one luxury box and photographer Michael "I filmed Kim Kardashian's mom naked" Segal in another.

Saturday I saw Richard Edson (the guy who takes Ferris' car and says, "Trust me. I'm a professional.") at Café 101. (Thanks IMDB!)

Today I saw Hayden Christensen at Runyon Canyon in all his shirtless hiking glory. Was not wheezing like Darth Vader. Then I saw a very freshly-tattooed Dax Shepard at Starbucks in Studio City on my way to work. Very tall and surprisingly cute.

· I saw Pierce Brosnan yesterday Nov 12 on the 3rd st promenade. looking surprisingly together, like he had stepped off the set of of the thomas crown affair 2, or something. I thought who is that handsome guy with all the shopping bags who looks like Pierce Brosnan. oh, fuck, it IS pierce brosnan! ha.

· 11/8 - Had my first paparazzi swarm sighting since moving here almost 2 years ago (weird, I know) at Bossa Nova on Sunset, caused by none other than Lindsay Lohan and her giant boobs, accompanied by an older model Lindsay (Dina?) and bodyguard. What kind of town is this where even a fresh-out-of-rehab former child superstar can't eat her moderately priced Brazilian/Italian fusion cuisine in peace?

· Friday, 11/9 - Saw Alicia Silverstone & Bill Nighy meeting up over snacks and tea at the Newsroom in BH. Strange (platonic) pair, until my friend reminded me that they were in a movie together not too long ago. He looked like he always does: natty, though slightly frumpy, glasses, adorable; she looked cute as a button and like she hadn't aged since Clueless. If being a vegan makes your skin look that good, I'm switching to that team pronto.

· While in the 15 or less (maybe 10?) check out line at the Ralphs in Malibu on Saturday, spotted Beau Bridges behind us. Among his purchases was a bag of green colored fruit - not limes. Wearing a forest green t-shirt and baggy gross navy blue sweatpants, he ignored all us fellow non D plus celebrities. When my friend had to leave the line to get an extra item he didn't complain, but did slapped down a People and Us Weekly magazine in a huff to add to his purchases. Overall pleasant demeanor but a little ragged looking. Perhaps that's the Malibu look? He has crazy eyebrows.

· 11/15 - La Poubelle — Sandra Oh having dinner with a small group of friends. None of this "please don't let me be seen by the masses" crap for her. Oh no, she was sitting at the first table inside the door, clearly enjoying the food and the company. I get the feeling that she goes there often since not a single person (but me) paid any notice she was there. Telling a story of some kind that required lots of waving and arm movements, but everyone was enthralled. She looks EXACTLY like she does on TV but with a bigger head; but that could have been the poufy hair.

· Saw Marcia Cross getting off the LAX flight in JFK last night (11/14). That woman's cheekbones could cut glass. Seriously, anyone snogging with her needs to be careful. She could slice your jugular while administering a hickey.

· Waiting for my virgin america flight to sfo on the 16th and just saw hayden panettiere the dolphin saver walk by me with 2 of her friends to their nyc flight. Also walking by are the victoria secrets angels to board the nyc flight. Tsa was going crazy opening a dedicated line for them to pass through.

· Captain's Log, Stardate 3958.8 (11/15/2007). Jeff Garlin spotted in top row at Century City AMC, heartily enjoying 7:30 showing of "Star Trek: The Original Series" two-part episode "The Menagerie". He adorably yelled out "Boo!" in the darkened, tension-wrought silence before the show (after the initial promotion for the Star Trek HD DVDs), which got a good laugh—quite a feat, considering the audience was filled with grade-A, uncut, pure Columbian nerd. Myself included, I guess. (I was one of the few female specimens in attendance, I might add. Surprising? Not really.) Of course, no PrivacyWatch™ sighting, no matter how Garlin-y, can compete with Shatner's glowing smirk, which sparkled on the silver screen that evening. Captain, you can board my vessel anytime.

· 11/10 - Anton Yelchin was playing a mean harmonica at a jam party that I got invited to at Beer City Studios in Van Nuys. There was a cute young blonde girl who came with him but I couldn't tell if they were bf/gf.

· Wednesday Nov 14th - while enjoying a cheap but leisurely manicure at the Nail Garden in Studio City during my lunch break, spotted Ashley Tisdale of High School Musical fame getting her feet done. I guess she missed the big SAG rally at Universal by a day and decided to get a mani/pedi instead...

· He was an A-lister when I was 15 and think a few out there may appreciate. Monday night during "corey-oky" at Happy Endings I spy Dean Cameron (Francis 'Chainsaw' Gremp of Summer School fame) leading the 3 man Corey band. These sightings are more fun then any present day A-lister, unless of course they are running over a photographer or are Keifer Sutherland.

· 11/15—Dave Annable out with a friend at CAA-sponsored "Young Hollywood Party". An actor must always support his representation, right? Especially those young Death Star leaders in training.

• FAKE CELEBS, REAL POSSIBILITIES [Page Six]
• Alison Jackson [Taschen]

In today's episode: Jack Nicholson; Patrick Swayze and Heath Ledger; Jake Gyllenhaal; Keanu Reeves; Halle Berry; Paul Rudd; Thomas Haden Church; Helen Hunt; Linda Hamilton; Jemaine Clement; Michelle Rodriguez; Eric Dane; Hanson and Frankie Muniz; Dylan McDermott; Dita Von Teese and Ashley Hamilton; Wood Harris and Gloria Alred.

· 8/15. 2ish. Jack Nicholson. On Coldwater Cyn. Driving North. Why, in this heat would anyone be driving into the 818? But if Jack can do it, I sure can. But I was driving South and almost crashed into the church when I saw him in his hip ass convertible silver car. Didn't catch the model and make because he looked so cool in his sunglasses and aforementioned car. He is so cool that he may not have melted today in the 818...

· heath ledger was blonde and ponytailed at the spindrift show on 6th street tuesday night. whatever... he was unobtrusive and acted like a normal person, blah, blah, blah, but who cares about boring heath ledger when patrick fucking swayze shows up in pink pants a black and white tiger-print seventies-collared shirt and a platinum blond mullet of a wig? (a costume probably? he was filming next door.) anyway, he couldn't have been cooler, laughing and posing for pictures and signing autographs and doing a couple dirty dancing wiggles and a roadhouse kick for the ladies. then he waved and disappeared like a some kind of magical leprechaun who'd given us a pot of awesomeness. fuck yeah, patrick swayze. you rule!

· Aug 16 Hey, so my friend and I were enjoying the tasty delights of Loteria! (I can't figure out how to make my keyboard do the upside-down exclamation point) in the Farmer's Market and who should ALSO decide to partake but Heath Ledger, soon to be AKA The Joker, along with some pals and dragging a sleeping infant which assumedly was his. Dude was approximately 7 feet tall and in regulation gear (torn jeans, cool-guy shirt, bed-head), looking Lurch-like yet handsome. After lunch he proceeded to spend an inordinate amount of time in the sticker store next door.

· I know this is late but I was out of the country. I saw the gorgeous and talented Jake Gyllenhaal at the Academy's Samuel Goldwyn theater on Saturday August 4th for The Bourne Ultimatum screening. He had on a baseball cap, flannel shirt and jeans. He looked yummy and tried to be inconspicuous. He was met by a cute blonde. He stayed to the end of the credits as protocol requires at the Academy. Go Jake!

· Tuesday 8/14—Keanu Reeves on the corner of Sunset and Vine, heading towards Magnolia or Bowery Bar. He was graciously having his picture taken with squealing tourists, while wearing his official uniform of ill-fitting black blazer, scruffy beard, and motorcycle helmet.

I saw Halle Berry today (Aug 14) with her tall, gorgeous, hunk of boy toy boyfriend. They came into Pink Taco at Century City mall for lunch around 1:30pm. He was in jeans, a white t-shirt, baseball hat and very scruffy unkempt, unshaven look.

She looked gorgeous, long hair and in a deep brown baby doll top which made her look preggers. My friend and I both said at the same time, "Halle Berry! Is she preggers?" jinx

No one in the restaurant seemed to recognize them or even look up. They were escorted to a booth in the far back corner and had a quiet lunch.

· finally made it to Mozza last week, 8/8. saw PAUL RUDD with his wife, and another couple. we were waiting at the front for our table when they walked in. they also had to wait, but were very cool about it. no drama, no hollywood hissy fits. his wife is pretty, but sort of plain, in a mid-western/girl-next-door way. always liked him. like him even more now, knowing he likes 'regular' girls.

· Hi guys, 8/12 saw Thomas Haden Church at the Good Earth in Studio City. Wearing a light blue denim shirt which men with blue eyes should always wear. Dude is BIG - tall and built. He could use Tobey Maguire as a tooth pick. Nice deep rumbly voice, too. Was alone, looked like he was going to grab a bite and read the paper.

· Spotted: Helen Hunt, crossing Arizona St. in Santa Monica at about 8pm with a tall blond man (her husband?) on Wednesday, August 15th. She was wearing sandals, loose pants, and a sweater over a tank top. She looked too thin, with sunken-in cheeks. Oy! I remarked to my boyfriend, "Forget the homeless people in Santa Monica...somebody get HER a sandwich!"

· Thursday, 8/9 10pm - Stopped in to the 7-11 on Santa Monica Blvd/Overland the same time Linda Hamilton walked in. Wearing dark leggings and a cream colored zip up, no makeup, hair pulled back, over thin and over blonde, but didn't look too bad for being 50. She was chatty with the clerk and the guy next to her in line. Seemed fairly normal and nice.

· Gelson's in WeHo is celeb sighting central. In the past I've seen Amanda Bynes (at the salad bar, barely helped herself to anything), Macaulay Culkin (several times, one time walking home with bags) and now, two days ago (Aug 13) - JEMAINE CLEMENT, of "Flight of the Conchords"! I actually don't watch the show but hear it's hilarious. Mostly I just dig that guy's accent and look, very unique. Jemaine was using the ATM near the booze section. I'm telling you, if you have out of town guests who are dying to spot someone famous, the WeHo Gelson's is just the ticket.

· Friday, Aug. 10: Saw Michelle Rodriguez at Dominick's on Beverley, with a male companion. She looked put-together and was very low-key, except for her distinctive laugh and the fact that she looks like she could kick your ass without much trouble, even while smiling. Also, girl is definitely not concerned about the tendency of low rise jeans to create a plumber's crack situation while sitting on a bar stool. Whatever, my view could have been much, much worse.

· The garden at the Chateau, Thursday night. Across the patio sat Eric Dane, with what looked like business associates, including a Zaftig blonde in too tight clothes and a Gay suit. Rachael "raisen-face" Zoe held court at a center table doing her wrinkles no service with the endless ciggies and scowls.

· Aug 15: I am at the Hanson show (don't ask) at the viper room. At eleven (their supposed set time) the opening band was just going on stage. Pissed, I walk out to buy cigarettes at the liquor store two doors west, where low and behold Hanson is PRACTICING in a corner. The best part of this sad little story? Little Frankie Muniz is hanging out with them, sporting an equally small mohawk and a goatee.

· Saw ex-Practice star Dylan McDermott arriving at LAX Saturday morning (August 11) looking hot as hell in jeans and a button up shirt. He was wearing sunglasses of course (might as well have written I'M SOMEBODY on his forehead)....but he still looked damn good! Isn't he in his forties? Wow. Even cuter, he ended up standing behind me in the security checkpoint for Southwest Airlines! I guess he doesn't mind saving a buck or two - or going sans first class. He was with his adorable daughter and he had no problem carrying her pink roller suitcase. He was super sweet, acting enthusiastic about her fascination with airport security.

· Aug 15 Patio of the Chateau. Dita Von Teese out for a night with the girls. And, wow, while Ms. Teese looked amazing with ivory skin that glowed, perfect hair and a demure, yet sexy outfit, her five "girls" were kinda' plain, looking like mid-market Sherman Oaks wives at best. Little style and ver vanilla. Completely shattered by fantasy. Shouldn't she be surrounded by a pack of adoring Suicide Girls at all times? Also in the garden, a more than grown-up Ashley Hamilton, looking kinda' like John Taylor with tattoo sleeves. Ash, of course, paid his respects to Dita, but left alone five minutes later.

· Thursday, August 16, 10:50 pm Wood Harris at the 7-11 on Sunset and La Brea, buying Smart Water and Vitamin Water. Friendly and down-to-earth. He could've retired after Above the Rim and still been a legend: "I'm a mothafucking soldier!"

· I spotted uber lawyer Gloria Alred in line at the Fox Sponsored Boston Legal Panel at the Writer's Guild Theater on August 14. She looked great in a pink suit. The best part? She was waiting patiently in the long line with all of us commoners!

In today's episode: Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli; Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw, Rob Reiner, and Sandra Oh; Arianna Huffington; Jack Nicholson, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Carson Daly and Joey Fatone; Mark Wahlberg; Luke Wilson; Lily Tomlin; Richard Lewis; Courteney Cox and Laura Dern; Mandy Moore; Johnny Knoxville; Jonathan Rhys Myers; John Krasinski; Hugh Laurie; Adam Brody; Quentin Tarantino; Molly Shannon; Michael C. Hall, Thandie Newton and David Leisure; Kirstie Alley and Sally Struthers; Brad Grey; Paul Dooley; Meredith Baxter, Tom Morello, Joe Simpson, and Slash; Elisa Donovan; Zachary Quinto; Kim Kardashian; Neil Flynn; Andrew Dice Clay; Monica Keena, Rachel Boston, Diane Delano, and Joel Michaely; Eric Benet; Haley Marie Norman; and Marc Horowitz.

· I was perusing the cheap put-it-together-yourself-and-maybe-die-in-the-process furniture at the Burbank Ikea and came across a baseball-capped Leonardo DiCaprio and his very attractive, though extremely young looking, girlfriend Bar Rafaeli . They were looking at mock room set-ups and shelving units. Wouldn't you think he would make enough per picture to afford ACTUAL furniture and not Swedish particle-board?

· Attended the star studded (?) premiere of "Distracted" at the Taper. Saw Tom Hanks with his improbable hair and extended family supporting wife-unit Rita Wilson (who was great). Also saw Sandra Oh, looking older than I thought. Rob Reiner, looking like Magic Mountain in a black suit, and Steven Spielberg wearing the same camel-colored corduroy jacket your science teacher wore and some seriously dirty shoes. Didn't have enough time to figure out whether this was a deliberate look, or just too-rich-to-care. Shiksawifeunit Kate Capshaw was skinny, but had a surprisingly natural, motile and attractive face. Hate her.

Arianna Huffington was there. Were she still with the gay husband he might have told her that peplums should skim the hip. Higher up they are doilies.

· Went to the Laker game on Sunday 3/25. The usual Hollywood hugging and million-dollar smiles. Sat in the B-lister section right behind Carson Daly and his two buddys. He later found Joey Fatone further down the row, they embraced and fondly remembered the glory days when they ruled MTV and teenage girls. Also viewed Jeffrey Katzenberg in the front row looking very upbeat despite his profits being flushed away. Andy Garcia walked in front of us with his daughter, he was dressed like it was a Knicks game...outdoors. Jack Nicholson's hair has grown in since the Oscar telecast. The guy next to me just returned from Iraq and got his seats as a gift. Glad he could enjoy an entertaining game.

· Mark Wahlberg having an early Friday lunch at Matsuhisa. Not that having lunch before noon is unusual but his cell phone certainly was. When was the last time you saw anyone in Hollywood with an old school cell that you pull out the antenna before you answer the phone? You can take th boy out of New England but you can't take the....

· Saw a ridiculously hot looking Luke Wilson last night (3/25) at Musha in Santa Monica. He sat at the sushi bar with a lady friend and another gentleman. They were all super nice and looked like they were having a good time.

· Hey Defamerites— Lily Tomlin was on my Souwthwest flight home to Burbank on Saturday (03/24). She looked stunning, sexy, and classy. With Tom Waits on the cover of Southwest Spirit magazine, there was even a little Short Cuts reunion to be had. Alas, Mr. O. Russell was not on the plane. too bad, because I'd have liked to see Lily kick his ass.

On the way home from the airport, we saw Richard Lewis being interviewed outside of the Laugh Factory. Everyone was in black, so we assume it was a memorial for Richard Jeni.

· This sunday we saw Courteney Cox, Coco, and a bunch of either friends or nannies taking up the big back table at Patrick's Roadhouse. They all seemed to be having a pleasant time with an elderly lady friend... who my wife later told me was Laura Dern.

· Sunday PM, LAX, heading to NYC on American. Mandy Moore in the security line with a bearded fedora-wearing hipster type. Hard to tell if they were 'together.' She looked great in no make-up and a simple cotton dress. Very 'normal sized' (aside from being tall) and hot. Sadly, she was not at Lotus when I went there after landing. Even more sadly, I was.

· 3/22- I'm about 90% sure that I saw Johnny Knoxville driving down Bundy in West LA. He had his typical tousled hair, cop shades, and the "I don't mind putting strange things down my pants or getting hit in the nads for a living" look. The only reason there was the 10% of unsureness (word?), is that he was driving a really nice Mercedes. Not exactly what I pictured him driving for some reason.

· 3/25, 4 pm. Saw Jonathan Rhys-Myers in his black Audi [A6 or A8] making a left onto Genessee from Hollywood Blvd. Made eye contact when making his left turn; hypnotic stare

· Spotted Jonathan Rhys-Myers last Thursday morning at Crunch in the locker room... but sadly, I didn't get close enough to report back on the important statistics. Nonetheless, I was having thoughts about cancelling my membership to Crunch— now I'm not cancelling it anytime soon.

Then yesterday evening (Sunday) at the Arclight, I went to see "Reign Over Me," as did John Krasinski (with a girl, but I couldn't tell if it was Rashida Jones or not, and quite frankly, I wasn't paying attention)... I kept craning my neck in his general direction whenever BJ Novak came on screen (who, by the way, is the best part of an otherwise manipulative, crappy movie).

· 10:30 Friday morning, westbound on Melrose and spotted him on a motorcycle pulling out of a gas station and it made the trip to Hollywood Chamber of Commerce breakfast worth it. One of the joys of living in LA is seeing 6' 3" of pure sex in the form of Hugh Laurie gaining on you in the rear view mirror. On his black Triumph and even handsomer in person. I rolled down my window for a good look and resisted the urge to jump on the back of his bike as he passed. My passenger thanked me.

· Saturday night, 24 March: An extremely Seth Cohen-esque Adam Brody was at HMS Bounty on Wilshire with a broad shouldered and brunette lady friend. No one seemed to notice him, despite his flamboyant hand gestures, and I concluded that the other patrons there couldn't have cared less about the vague celebrity in our midst. However, my companion had a clear view of the stairway leading to the building next door and said that every single person freaked out once out of his view.

· 3/25, Four Season around noon. Just finishing their delicious and insanely overpriced brunch ($140 for two people? Really?) when I saw Quentin Tarantino getting out of a white car. I should have paid more attention to exactly what kind of a car it was but he wasn't driving. Wearing an ugly green hospital shirt and horrible green jacket. Does he dress like that on purpose or does he really not know any better?

· Molly Shannon, baby Nolan, and nanny on JetBlue flight from JFK to BUR today (3/26). Flight attendant cornered her in the back of the plane to talk about "career choices." She seemed to be genuinely engaged in conversation with the attendant. Then later, she was knocked out in her aisle seat catching some major z's (mouth wide open). I'll admit it wasn't the most glamorous moment, but 30 minutes prior I know I looked the exact same way.

· a friday afternoon triple play 3.23 around 1:45 on my way down Beverly saw a very dark haired Michael C. Hall pacing in front of Shelter, was he thinking about how much things cost in there? Then on Fairfax turning into the grove Thandie Newton in a red porsche, top down looking amazing with no make up, yes i was that close to her. Then getting the car from the valet at the Grove (it is just worth the 8 bucks) getting into a lexus was David Leisure...what no Isuzu for Joe Isuzu!

Saturday, 3/23 - Kirstie Alley spotted at the WeHo Target at the intersection of La Brea and Santa Monica. She was in the bedding section with some woman who appeared to her assistant. She looked so-so.

· 3-24 Who spent part of her 30th birthday at Targay? I did! And so did Stunning (size 16 if she's a day) Kirstie Alley and Save the Children's Sally Struthers. I couldn't look away... from ether of them. (snap! I said it! owwwwww!) (I'm not a total freak, I just really love target!)

· Two very odd sightings that may not exactly make the top of your list, but hey, there's always the bottom of the page that needs to be filled. Saturday night (3/24) saw longtime TV veteran guest star/best-John-Hughes-movie-dad ever Paul Dooley coming out of Reign O'er Me at the Arclight. Couldn't tell if the one actor who appeared in Death Wish, Shakes the Clown and Strange Brew (thanks, IMDB!), but was still forced to take part in Employee of the Month enjoyed the Sandler flick, but hey, he was wearing overalls and holding hands with his wife, so all must be right with the world.

Saw Brad Grey of all people the next morning (3/25) racing his bicycle down the bike path that runs along the PCH from the edge of Malibu to Venice. Decked out in Tour de France-style blue Lycra from head to toe complete with helmet and wraparound sunglasses, I wouldn't have recognized him except that I'd seen him a couple of times in person here and there and you never forget the man who had so much faith in Norm MacDonald that he executive produced both Screwed and Dirty Work.

· Hi! A little bit late, I know, but I was at LAX on Thursday the 15th on my way to Austin for SXSW. While walking to my gate I saw Meredith Baxter, the mom from Family Ties, walking away from the gate next to mine and looking kind of annoyed.

While at my gate I spotted Tom Morello smiling and talking with fans who had approached him. I then got on the plane and passed by Joe Simpson and SLASH in first class. Slash was looking like, well, like Slash. Joe Simpson looked a little too creepy for me to do a double take.

· Bottle Rock wine bar in Culver City, Saturday 3/24: Sitting at an outside table was Sandra Oh, with a table of six or so, including Amber from Clueless (Elisa Donovan). Had no idea Sandra and Ambular were friends...

· Saturday night at a photo "gallery showing" at a trendy Hollywood coffee joint, I saw Syler from "Heroes" aka ZACHARY QUINTO. IMDB says homeboy is 30 - no way! On the show, I always thought he looked late 20s/30-ish, but in person he looks baby-faced and about 24. He was prepster/hipster cool sportin' a sweater and black horn rimmed glasses and seemed to be at this thing with a girl/date. Zach clearly knew the photographer, who I also believe is usually an actor type himself. This sighting made me totally anxious for "Heroes" to come back from hiatus!

· 3-25 Paris pal Kim "Oooh baby I'm gonna cum" Kardashian at Casa Vega in Sherman Oaks. Huge boobs hanging out of a low cut dress, heavy makeup, waiting for a table like everyone else. Maybe if Paris was there she would have been seated faster!

· A very tall Neil Flynn from Scrubs wandered in to the Robin Hood Pub in Sherman Oaks, just before midnight on Friday. He was with a contingent of other "very tall" guys. Could of fielded a competitive basketball team!

· The DiceMan Cometh to 24hr FItness in Sherman Oaks. Just clocked funnyman manque Andrew Dice Clay bellying up to the reception with his long-haired semi-surly son. Nice 'tude, tubs. They are soon to be reality stars, no?, like the Osbournes and Hulk Hogans. Whatever the comeback format, he looked way (whey?) burly with huge out-hanging shirt and amusingly frazzled hair and sideburns, now streaked with grey. Here's hoping to a meeting of comic titans when he bumps into gym regular Jay Mohr.

· Marix, Saturday 24th March — there was a huge party going on on the patio, pink balloons, drunken guests, the whole 9... sitting in the corner in a little celebu-pod was an odd mix of folks, including a sweatshirted Monica Keena, pigtaled and ginghamed Rachel Boston, animated Diane Delano, and slick-haired Joel Michaely. It looked like everyone was having a gay old time with a set of big blonde twins.

· Today I saw Halle Berry's ex, Eric Benet is Claremont, CA. He was entering the Some Crust bakery with 2 young girls when I was leaving. Both he and the girls were dressed super-hollywood-y; he's quite attractive though, and a decent height (since people seem to care about that kind of thing). The girls had on Harajuku Lovers tees and handbags, and True Religion jeans. He was wearing some sort of crazy-painted Vans shoe, jeans, and blazer. And I think embroidery on either his shirt or the blazer. They were all just a whirl of graphics. That's what I mean by super-hollywood-y, who else can afford to be so very trendy?? My friend and I figure he was in town to visit Ben Harper or something since Some Crust is a block or so away from Ben's parents' Folk Music Center. Woo hoo. Yes I know, not very exciting.

· Saw Haley Marie Norman from Deal or No Deal at Miceli's in Universal City. I have never seen the show, but people I was with recognized her. I just thought when I walked by her, "Wow, that is a gorgeous woman." You'd have to be gorgeous to pull off that 'do, and she does. One of the guys I was with wanted to go up and ask her if he could see inside her 'briefcase'. Hilarity ensued!

· [Ed. note: Since recent media appearances have featured a cleanshaven Jon Heder, we strongly suspect the following sighting was of accidental Heder impressionist Marc Horowitz.] finishing up brunch at Dusty's in Silverlake this Sunday, we caught Jon Heder of Napoleon Dynamite and Blades of Glory fame getting on his bike. He appeared heftier than I thought he would be and looked like a total stoner, long scraggly hair and full on beard. Isn't he a Mormon? He didn't look like a Mormon. Anyway, it could've also been his twin brother, Dan Heder. Oh and he was totally nice.

Our initial disappointment that this video didn't deliver its promised clip of Gwyneth Paltrow talking about the YouTubes at last night's Oscar ceremony quickly gave way to awe as we realized what we'd actually stumbled upon: Some cameraphone footage smuggled out of VF's legendary Morton's bash, in which a newly bald Jack Nicholson proves once and for all that he only shaved his head to play the part of a terminal cancer patient and not because of any mysterious malady of his own, demonstrating his incredible health by removing his shirt and jumping repeatedly into a hastily constructed bonfire. The audio's garbled to the point of incomprehensibility, but we could swear we hear him say, "Now bring me Reese Witherspoon. All that bouncing around's got me all revved up!" after his final tumble through the flames.

• Gwyneth Paltrow talks about youtube in oscars 2007 [YouTube]

In today's episode: Bruce Willis, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Kevin Pollak, David Arquette, Jason Bateman, Jack Nicholson, Rob Reiner, Lou Adler and Jeremy Piven; James Woods and Ashley Madison; Lindsay Lohan; Quentin Tarantino; Ron Howard; Billy Bob Thornton; Val Kilmer and Aida Turturro; Chloe Sevigny; Jenny McCarthy; Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley; Mike Tyson; Zach Galifianakis; Rob Zombie; Amy Smart and Fabio; David Hockney; Molly Stanton and Jeffrey Jones.

· Seen courtside at what was undoubtedly "boys' night out" at last Friday's [pathetic!] Lakers/Bobcats game:

Bruce Willis sitting between Jeffrey Katzenberg and Kevin Pollak, all wearing baseball caps for obvious reasons; David Arquette looking surprisingly cute in a Ryan Gosling sort of way, in the company of non-famous friends; Jason Bateman, also surprisingly handsome, also with civilians; fixture Jack Nicholson (really bald and old) with Rob Reiner and Cisco Adler's dad Lou Adler; and apparently the only famous guy there out on a date (with a very nondescript brunette woman), Jeremy Piven, who, just like alter-ego Ari, spent half the time on his cell. And it wasn't even a boring game (well, not until the 4th quarter)!

· Thursday, jan 25th, urth cafe on melrose, jeremy piven rubbernecking in his 'rover—funny enough that was a day or two after i caught his appearance on the Regis and Kelly show (defense: I WAS ON THE TREADMILL AT THE GYM!), where he prefaced a statement with "this is probably the most pretentious thing i'll ever say,....blah blah blah"...uh, jeremy, really, somehow i just don't think it will be.....

· On 1/24 @7:30pm, The Grove Theater, a super close encounter: My companions and I were in line at the concession stand when we noticed a rather sullen James Woods standing next to our group, with a very young, skinny, tall blonde girlfriend in tow (Ashley Madison). He literally has a big head. What is it with celebs and their huge noggins? He was complaining (not rudely, but rather vocally) that the automatic concession order stations were not working properly. Many wisecracks about modern technology and stupid corporate exectutives were spewed. Picture a scene from Shark or Casino; now I know for certain that James Woods basically plays himself in every movie. The girlfriend, who did not speak one word during his tirade, was trying unsuccessfully to hide two black eyes and a splint from a very recent nosejob under a baseball cap.

· Lindsay Lohan eating dinner at Koi on Thursday night. If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it! She was there with a few girlfriends, and that guy she takes everywhere, Mike Heller. Then later on closer to 10:30, two gay guys joined her table. She came in and out the back door. She didn't seem to be trying too hard to hide, it was like everything was normal. What the fuck kind of rehab lets you go to Koi for dinner!? She probably got kicked out of rehab. I have heard of a lot of rehabs where you get to do things like use your cell phone, or once-a-week attend outside AA, etc., and those rehabs are considered "easy." I want to know what doctors put their stamp of approval behind dinner at Koi as a healthy therapeutic activity.

· saw Quentin Tarantino at Virgin Megastore on sunset today (around 3:15pm) taking a break from editing Grindhouse. nice guy.

· 1-27 Love the Arclight. In line getting tickets, is Ron Howard.

· Sun, 1/21 - This is coming a little late, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Last Sunday afternoon, I was walking out of the Century City mall food court when out of the corner of my eye I spotted Bad Santa himself in full-on "don't f-ing look my way" Bad Santa mode,looked away and kept walking because I respect his craft and am a tiny bit scared of him. He was several feet away and shielded in a cap and sunglasses, but you know that Billy Bob Thornton mug when you see it. He was with a woman who, even from quite a distance and judging from the back, I could tell was likely too close to his age to be a date.

· First time out on the town since the surgery, I spotted batshit-crazy Val Kilmer on the patio of Il Sole on Sat night (1/27). Dining with an older female, looked businessy. About an hour later Iceman was gone but Tony Soprano's sister (Aida Turturro) was sitting in the same spot, gabbing to a group of friends. Must be the designated celebrity seating area, which is odd because it's probably the most visible table in the place - you basically HAVE to walk by it to get to the host stand. On second thought, maybe that's on purpose. Bob Gersh was there too, but nobody cares about agents, right?

· chloe sevigny showed up for karoke at cha cha last night. so pretty! so normal! I'd tell you more, but drank far too much to collect any further details.

· Tues., Jan. 30 - Jenny McCarthy in the lower-level lingerie department at Saks in BH. Accompanied by an uber stylish Amazonian blonde woman. Jenny cazh in jeans, but tiny and also kind of a tiny head. No lollipop girl there, I'll tell ya.

· saturday, january 27 saw avril lavigne and deryck whibley emerging from the mac store with two parental figures. they are really small in person. also saw the el pollo guy at h&m the same day. the people that work at the store were pretty stoked to see that guy.

· Saturday night, 8:30PM, Borders on La Cienaga (I'm married). Brushing past me on way out... Mike Tyson. At a book store. On Saturday night. Seemed nice enough (?), but never in a thousand-million years would you want to fight that man.

· Saw horror faux-teur Rob Zombie and his wife (?) Sheri in Larchmont Village on Saturday. He needs a bath.

· 1/28, 12:30 p.m. Saw the heavily hirsute, somewhat underachieving Comedians of Comedy stalwart Zach Galifianakis leaving Joni's Coffee Roasting Cafe in Marina Del Rey. He got into a green Subaru with a brunette who was entirely too hot for him. No leftover Sunday brunch was immediately visible in his ChiaBeard.

· 1-28-07 My boyfriend and I were at the Whole Foods on Fairfax and Santa Monica to pick up some dinner. As soon as we walked in, my boyfriend went crazy over a stringy, tapered-jean-wearing, thin-haired girl who appeared as if she hadn't seen a bottle of conditioner in three weeks. Excitedly he grabbed my arm to come look at Amy Smart, however, I was extremely underwhelmed. Standing before me was a cancer patient with over-processed, unnatural black witch hair. She looked like a waif in a ratty sweatshirt picking out string beans (apparently it's the new south beach diet). Anyway, she was nothing to write home about. The cash register boy said it best himself, "Yah, she comes here all the time... she looks like shit". As a side note, while we were checking out, I offered to pay for our meal as Fabio turned to me squinting in his tight LA Choppers jersey, high cut washed out Levi's, and his very 2005 cowboy boots. I don't know about you, but I can believe it's not butter.

· leaving a lunch meeting at Hugos yesterday 1-25 around 2pm i was walking down to the parking lot next door and i saw a cute old guy standing with a group of young cute guys i had to walk through them and i looked up to see David Hockney smoking with his little cap on and that wonderful voice. I hadn't seen him out in a long time, looks older, but oh so amazing!

well that is my first sighting comment...........by the way my meeting sucked.

· Everything around me in the strip mall was in Spanish. I was terrified, and trying to find The Good Chiropractor (flying cross country 8 million times in a middle seat is rough). Ray of sunshine, even at 9am on a Saturday, Molly Stanton — the hetero twin from Twins (way back when we still had the WB), holding an icy Starbucks, like a vision, bounded in to the office. People who can move freely should not be chipper around grouchy, non-Starbucks anointed people who just want caffeine and an adjustment.

· Yesterday (1-24) saw Jeffrey Jones dining at Chan Darette, on Pico in West LA. He is ginormous and looks really...bad, to be frank. I guess he's old now. My dining companion remarked, didn't he suffer from some health issues recently? I didn't recall that, but I do remember something about him being busted for downloading underage porn. Classy! Jeffrey dined with two older male companions, they looked like they were having a good time.

BEST ACTOR
Leonardo DiCaprio, "The Departed" (Leo nominated for "Blood Diamond" instead)
Sacha Baron Cohen, "Borat"
Hugh Jackman, "The Fountain," "The Prestige"
Derek Luke, "Catch a Fire"
Edward Norton, "The Illusionist," "The Painted Veil"
Ken Watanabe, "Letters from Iwo Jima"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Jack Nicholson, "The Departed"
Michael Sheen, "The Queen"
Ben Affleck, "Hollywoodland"
Adam Beach, "Flags of Our Fathers"
Michael Caine, "Children of Men"
James McAvoy, "Last King of Scotland"
Brad Pitt, "Babel"
Stanley Tucci, "The Devil Wears Prada"

While it's easy to write off Jack Nicholson's The Departed performance as unbridled scene-chewing, we'd like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of the amazing supporting performance of his strap-on co-star, who should have a legitimate beef with Warner Bros.' publicists for an unfortunate snubbing; had the studio simply sent out some replica dildos with their pre-nomination For Your Consideration packages, the veiny, intimidatingly large prosthetic would undoubtedly be celebrating alongside Alan Arkin, Mark Wahlberg, and Djimon Hounsou this morning.

• Who Oscar snubbed: 'Dreamgirls,' Brad, Jack . . .[The Envelope]

Martin Scorsese's gangster film "The Departed" received nominations for best film, best director, best actor (Leonardo DiCaprio), supporting actor (Jack Nicholson), best acting ensemble, best writer (William Monahan) and best composer (Howard Shore). [...]

Also competing for best picture are ["Babel," "Little Miss Sunshine," "Dreamgirls,"] "Blood Diamond," "Letters From Iwo Jima," "Little Children," "Notes on a Scandal," "The Queen" and "United 93."

Joining DiCaprio for best actor are Ryan Gosling for "Half Nelson," Peter O'Toole for "Venus," Will Smith for "The Pursuit of Happyness" and "Forest Whitaker for "The Last King of Scotland."

Competing for best actress are Penelope Cruz for "Volver," Judi Dench for "Notes on a Scandal," Helen Mirren for "The Queen," Meryl Streep for "The Devil Wears Prada" and Kate Winslet for "Little Children."

Also worth nothing is their singling out of Ben Affleck for his turn in Hollywoodland—a role that had garnered positive reviews and a Venice film fest award when the movie was released back in early September, but that might have otherwise gotten lost in the awards shuffle—and the lack of a nomination for former bromance partner/better-career-decision-maker Matt Damon's work in The Departed. It remains to be seen if this might herald a reversal of fortune for the duo, with Damon unexpectedly entering a semi-retirement of taking care of his newborn and making well-photographed Starbucks runs, while Affleck, even more astoundingly, finds himself no longer the object ot tabloid ridicule as he embarks on a string of well-received movies.

• Broadcast Film Critics announce noms [The Envelope]