1.) Martha Stewart Vs. Rachael Ray
Last night on Nightline, Cynthia McFadden tried to stir up shit between the two women.

2.) Martha Stewart Vs. Sarah Palin
But on the red carpet this week, Martha didn't need any encouragement to talk shit on Sarah.

3.) Piper Palin Child Beauty Queen
Earlier this week, I joked that Piper Palin was wearing so much makeup for Sarah's interview with Barbara Walters that she practically looked high glitz.

Later that day, Oprah's camera crew went to Wasilla to film the Palin family at home, where Piper was wearing a crown and a sash.

4.) Mother/daughter bonding

5.) The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
It's funny 'cause it's true.

6.) Crap letter from a dude
As featured on True Life: I Can't Leave My Boyfriend. The guy later came back to her apartment when she wasn't home, and stole all of her electronics and her dog.

7.) America's Next Top Amityville Horror
ANTM aired some never-before-seen moments, and I'd rather that this one had stayed unseen.

8.) Drunk idiots
The people on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge get so stupid drunk that they always end up fighting, and subsequently kicked off the show (whichseems to be their sole source of income). Brad started in with Darrell for no reason.

And then Darrell turned Brad into Quasimodo.

9.) Sewing with Nancy
Her awkwardness makes me uncomfortable.

10.) Stomache

1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.

1.) Jon Gosselin
I know it's nearly impossible that anyone in America managed to miss him since he was all over TV talking about how he doesn't want to be on TV anymore. On Monday on The Insider, Jon faced off with Nancy Grace. Later in the week, The Insider tried to propel that insanity by airing "footage you didn't see" from the event. Here, Jon admits that his earrings are CZs.


Jon also ran back and forth between The Insider and Entertainment Tonight, showing "bank statements" proving that he did not steal money from Kate.










However, even the correspondent on The Insider recognized that this one transaction receipt proves absolutely nothing.




2.) "I'm showing America how it works."
God, he's like the fountain of spoof.


3.) In other grossness: Tamerlane Phillips.
Remember two weeks ago when people didn't care about the Gosselins for four days because Mackenzie Phillips' rape and incest bombshell stole the show? Tamerlane Phillips misses those days.


4.) The best intervention ever, courtesy of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.





5.) Kaity Tong Drunk?
Speaking of interventions…sheesh.


This man-on-the-street from the story she was introducing is awesome.


6.) Shut up, Joy!


7.) People are still getting "The Rachel"?


8.) Does Kim know that wig hair doesn't grow back?


9.) Khloe Kardashian's 9 Carats


10.) WWWWD?
She would think WWJJD.

In preparation for its fifth season, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is staging a road show built around a stage performance of the final episiode of the fourth season. While to many, Sunny remains an obscure basic cable show, and many others have expressed perplexity at the appeal of a show about five relentlessly unpleasant buffoons, judging from the scale of the crowd formed outside the Beacon, craning their necks for a glimpse at the stars working the pressline on the yellow carpet, there is a sleeping giant out there eager to praise jerkdom.

Inside, the social origins of the full house were difficult to gauge. For a Californian such as myself visiting New York it is distressing that here — in the capital of the fashion industry — there is no coherent nerd to cool fashion continuum to which all the city's entire citizenry is compelled to obey. There were many in sort of nondescript workplace casual — oxfords, plaids, lots and lots and lots of scarves. Do these equal cool here? Semi-cool? Where I come from "professional dress" = loser, but maybe here that's socially acceptable?

Anyhow, the evening's entertainments were opened by a band who announced "We're from Brooklyn" which I took as my signal to go hunt down some potato chips in the lobby for the remainder of their set (although it sounded pretty good from out there.)

The Sunny portion began with a screening of an upcoming episode from this season. Not the premiere episode which will be broadcast tonight, but an episode to come which must've been selected because it was one of the funniest of the season, because it was pretty darn funny. Up there with Sunny's strongest work.

The stage show had the energy of a revival meeting, or Joss Whedon convention, with the audience wildly cheering familiar lines, bit players and singing along from memory with the songs, as seen in my fuzzy video below. The musical within the show is the Charlie characters delightfully incompetent and unintentionally perverse story about a little boy held captive by a troll, molested each evening by the dreaded Night Man from the darkness who, keeps him from being with a princess. Insane, horrifying and very catchy as well. A delightful theaterical evening.

After the show, the cast adjourned to the rooftop of the Hotel Empire where we were treated with a no frills but acceptable buffet featuring a pasta bar. The hors d'oeuvres were probably more successful than the main course with some very decent crab rangoon bites. The mini-burritos were a minor triumph. The crowd seems heavily Fox business affairs with whom the Sunny crew duly schmoozed until midnight. Interesting to note that all the Sunny cast have apparently decided to marry each other since the show started. Charlie Day ("Charlie") is wedded to his on air love interest The Waitress played by Mary Elizabeth Ellis. Mac and Dee tied the knot last year. Only Dennis (Glenn Howerton), ironically the show's pretty boy, was left to have to marry someone who isn't on the show.

As the party wound down, the cast climbed in to their big yellow Sunny in Philadelphia bus and headed off for the show's namesake town, where they will next perform live as they take their theaterings on a cross country tour.

Oscar winners Olympia Dukakis and Brenda Fricker will star in a new film about two old lesbians who break out of a nursing home and go on a road trip. This is expected to be summer 2010 tentpole programming for Universal, which is hoping for a franchise. What this says for Fox's similarly-themed big-budget summer film Me & Henry, about Hal Holbrook and Philip Bosco being gay together, remains to be seen. [Variety]

The marvelous Charlie Day from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Christina Applegate have joined Drew Barrymore and Justin Long in the romantical comedy Going the Distance. They'll play the best friend/snarky sibling characters, obviously. New Line is hoping to add some box office oomph by asking the screenwriter to pen in a subplot about Blythe Danner and Lynn Cohen going to sex parties. [THR]

Speaking of It's Always Sunny..., FX has announced their fall premiere dates. Sunny will premiere September 17th at 10pm, the same day that NBC rolls out their Thursday night laff line-up (sans 30 Rock). So, a funny night! [Variety]

Columbus Circle, a movie co-written by Kevin Pollack, lurches into motion. The film is about Selma Blair being a hermited New York heiress who is interviewed by detective Giovanni Ribisi after there's a murder in her building. Amy Smart and Jason Lee play new neighbors. So, that sounds like a movie that could have been made ten years ago. [THR]

Oh, another box office smash! Annette Bening and Julianne Moore are set to play lesbian parents whose two kids, Mia Wasikowska from In Treatment and Josh Hutcherson from Bridge to Terabithia, go in search of their sperm donor papa in The Kids are All Right. He turns out to be Mark Ruffalo, and hilarity and awkwardness ensue. This will probably open against James Ivory's boffo new picture, Lady with a Lapdog, an adaptation of the Chekhov short story starring Phyllida Law. In this version, everyone's gay. [Variety]

ABC has picked up an internationally-produced show about astronauts starring Ron Livingston. The thing was actually pitched at one point as "Grey's Anatomy in space". So. A couple days ago we learned about that Canadian show Coppers that was picked up for distribution by ABC. It was described as Grey's Anatomy about rookie cops. Basically, everything is Grey's Anatomy and foreign. That's your new TV, folks. Enjoy it. [THR]

Oh, and remakes! Also there are remakes. Sci Fi, oh excuse me Syfy, is trying its hand at yet another gritty retelling of a cheesy story. They'll be rebooting Alien Nation, that 1980s series about cops and aliens named Sam Francisco. It would be an alien procedural. It'll also have to compete, someday theoretically, with V, another remount that ABC is doing in the fall. Hey, TV! We have ideas for shows that are new! Come talk to us! [Variety]