Cohen, the senior vice president of original programming and development at the channel beloved of gays and their hags, started inserting his pretty little face on the tube by hosting the reunion shows of various incarnations of the Real Housewives franchise. Their high ratings naturally lead him to believe that he was the reason viewers were tuning in and decided to give us a weekly dose of wankery on Watch What Happens Live, where he interviews celebrities (about himself) and Bravo mainstays (about how much they love him). It's horrible and we can't stop watching.

Last week featured the sharpened-pencil face of "real" housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub, finally shedding light on the horrible thing she did to fellow housewife Dina Manzo that made sister Caroline cry on the recent reunion show. We also got a booty call with Andy's close personal friend Sarah Jessica Parker. He asks her questions about the Sex and the City episodes he guest-starred in, and she rightfully doesn't remember. Don't worry Andy, we'll kiss your bruised ego and make it all better.

Our favorite bit is when he says he's going to send SJP some fried chicken so that she can put it in the blender and feed it to her newborn twins. That, right there, is why Florida won't let gays adopt children.

What we love is that everything about him and his show is as obvious as Michael Kors' fake tan. This Thursday he has on his friends Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos and designer Isaac Mizrahi, who is cashing his Bravo paycheck when he's not making $10 frocks for Target. So, yet again the show will be all about Andy and his network.

And that's with us. We haven't haven't seen such boldfaced buffoonery on television since Britney and Kevin: Chaotic and look how well that turned out!

• Previously: Isaac Mizrahi Undeterred By Controversy Over The Grope [Defamer]

"I honestly, honestly, honestly do not know why it caused such a controversy," Mizrahi says. "Most of the people I spoke to were surprised by the controversy, but they weren't surprised by how I handled (the red carpet), because that's who I am."

He explains his thinking: "Before I actually did the red carpet, I was watching the pre-pre-pre-show, and I kept thinking, 'How can you make this slightly more interesting, slightly more watchable?' And so I just asked the questions that interested me."

This is the Year of the Gay Cowboy, so maybe Mizrahi would be better off ignoring the ladies and focusing his innocently outrageous attention on the guys. We bet the post-carpet buzz would get pretty deafening if he can convince Ryan Seacrest to distract Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal long enough to sneak up between the onscreen lovers, quickly pants them, then sear their exposed buttocks with a branding iron. Such a daring stunt would inarguably enhance the watchability of the pre-pre-pre show, giving Mizrahi an unimpeachable defense.

• Mizrahi Promises More Red Carpet Mischief [USAToday.com]
• Previously: Scarlett Breaks Silence About The Grope [Defamer]
• Golden Globes Hangover: Isaac Mizrahi s Magic Touch [Defamer]

"It was definitely in poor taste," said Johansson, speaking about her reaction publicly for the first time.

"I'd been prepping for two hours with hair and makeup and getting dressed. And the first interview I do, someone who I have never met before fondles me for his own satisfaction."

Johansson was wearing a clingy, low-cutgown that made the most of her ample bust line when Mizrahi made his move.

"Mostly, I was thinking, 'Oh, my god. This is happening on live TV.' I don't think he got a huge thrill out it. He was making some shocking show or whatever for his channel and wanted to be different and racy and all of those things.

"When it happened, I think I actually said, 'What the heck is going on?' At the same time, people made a huge deal out of something that, in the moment, was not as exciting as it seemed afterward."

Johansson, speaking from the Los Angeles set of her new movie, "The Prestige," isn't buying Mizrahi's explanation that he was just a designer trying to figure out how her dress was made.

"I'm sure he was very fascinated by that like he doesn't know how a dress works," she said.

Now that Mizrahi's ruse has been exposed, he's going to need something more inventive than a "I'm just a curious fashion designer who needs to handle your rack for professional reasons" gambit if he plans on getting near any more A-list ladyparts. Unaroused gay man trying to make good TV or not, he'd better think twice before trying to convince Charlize Theron that her panties are on fire and that he needs to immediately smother the underthing conflagration with his suspiciously handy asbestos gloves.

• Frankly, Scarlett [The Envelope]
• Previously: Golden Globes Hangover: Isaac Mizrahi s Magic Touch [Defamer]

"I am going to meet people and I love doing that, and I'm not going to put a mask on to meet people now because of whatever interesting controversy was raised at the Golden Globes," Mizrahi told The Associated Press in an interview this week."

Whether Mizrahi's no prisoners/no apologies approach to the red carpet translates to the Oscars, a considerably more formal occasion than the Golden Globes, remains to be seen. If he should happen to err, however, we can only hope it's on the side of good judgment: One off-color question regarding Dame Judi Dench's propensity for "landing strips" could mark the awkward and untimely end to Mizrahi's promising second career.

• Isaac Mizrahi Defends Red-Carpet Behavior [Yahoo/AP]
• Previously: Golden Globes Hangover: Isaac Mizrahi s Magic Touch [Defamer]

In a packed elevator, Jeffrey Katzenberg is pressed against the back corner. A woman in front shouts, "Jeffrey, I really want you to meet Isaac."

Jeffrey reaches over several heads to shake hands with designer Isaac Mizrahi. "Whacha doing, whacha doing, whacha doing?" Katzenberg asks.

"Oh not much. I've got some projects."

"I'll bet you do."

"What're you doing?" Mizrahi retorts.

"Oh, you know. Riding the Geffen Express. Trying to keep up with it."

"That's a wild ride."

"Just make sure you don't get in front of it," Katzenberg quips.

"Where's the big party tonight?" Mizrahi wants to know.

"In my bed," nods Jeffrey, before stepping off and calling it a night.

As a guest at the ceremony, Katzenberg was almost certainly unaware of Mizrahi's earlier antics, and probably had no idea how dangerously close he'd come to an impromptu, elevator-based session of "Tune In Tokyo," or more chillingly, one of "Hey, Let's Feel How Many Marbles Are In Your Bag." But even those unsavory games seem far preferable to "riding the Geffen Express," especially after hearing Katzenberg's admission that being the caboose is a better option than getting in front of its chugging locomotive.

• Aglow at the Globes [LAT's The Envelope]
• Complete Golden Globes Coverage [Defamer]

As you can see from the pics above, not only was awkward host Seacrest held above the fray by his "strategic tower perch", he was further insulated from any icky second-base action by a protective bubble any time the E! crew cruelly inserted him next to a shot of his valiantly hands-on colleague. For $21 million, you'd think Seacrest could at least make a token attempt at "accidentally" brushing an arm against one of the Housewives' breasts.

• Scarlett Johansson: Felt Up At Golden Globes!!! [SaveManny]
• Previously: The Golden Globes: An Enchanting Gay Horseback Ride With The Hollywood Foreign Press [Defamer]