Courtenay Semel, for those who are not familiar with her heiress-level fameballing, is not a shy and retiring person. A person does not make out with her attention-craving girlfriend Tila Tequila on red carpets because she mistrusts the media; a person does not scream at a club bouncer to "just fucking Google me, you dumb fuck" because she mistrusts the media; and a person certainly does not "joke" to a magazine reporter that "I'm kind of like the Don Juan of the lesbian world," as Semel did with Curve, because she mistrusts the media.

So it's odd that Semel would tell Curve that the "media kind of ruined that relationship" she had with Lindsay Lohan by saying the pair were dating. Semel added: "I can't even have a best friend because I guess I'm going to be linked with them next." But maybe she also can't have friends because she gives underminey quotes about them, like this one, from the new interview:

I think, you know, everyone scrutinizes, Lindsay for everything she went through, but they should thank her, because it shows you exactly what not to do.

That's a fairly cutting quote considering that Lohan has yet to enter rehab per Semel's urging. Of course, when Semel only went to rehab herself after her dad cut off access to the trust fund, something she left out of her little zinger. Semel, it would seem, grasps the advantages of strategic oversharing as well as the rest of her internet-bred generation; if only daddy Terry had been so savvy, Yahoo might be in a better place today.

[via People]

(Semel with heiress Casey Johnson this past May, top, via INF; Semel-Tequila pic, lower, via x17online.com)

According to Page Six, the former Miss Teen USA and possible Hollywood madam, walked right up to Chambers (who plays Dr. Alex Karev) at a party in L.A. Problem is, even after all the kerfuffle, he had no clue who she was. Harsh. And this was on Tuesday, the day after the hot tub adventure went public.

Damn, we give it a month before she's somewhere in Hollywood knocking over tables and screaming, "Don't you know who I am? I was the other girl in the McSteamy tape!"

Speaking of McSteamy, he was snapped by the paparazzi yesterday, reportedly leaving the doctor's office. What could he be doing there? Probably research for his role. Yeah, that's it. No checkup needed.

The cover is a before/after spread, tied to a story about how Simpson has "already peeled off 10 pounds in 10 days" (last time around, Us had her losing "20 pounds in two months"). Their "Before!" picture is from a couple weeks after Simpson's infamous chili cookoff pics surfaced and ex-boyfriend Tony Romo took her to the Waverly Inn for Valentine's Day:

Click for larger images

Now, OK! hasn't laid eyes on the allegedly svelte Jessica Simpson, that's just what "sources" told them. So to illustrate Simpon's purported weight loss, it went to the photo archives and found a picture of her jogging on the set of Major Movie Star in September 2007, more than a year before, we'd point out, the picture labeled with the big "BEFORE!" caption:

It would appear the cash-bleeding celebrity weekly really is done paying for fresh art.

"She would be pleased if this was over quickly," attorney Donald Etra said.

That would certainly benefit Brown, whose marketability as a famous R&B singer becomes less recoverable with each additional day the press writes about the violence that erupted between him and Rihanna before the Grammys two months ago.

But why would Rihanna, herself a vocalist with a devoted following, want to publicly help Brown escape the full consequences of his actions? Doing so opens her to charges she's helping enable Brown's abuse, and to speculation that she's as culpable in the attack as the pro-Brown PR campaign would have everyone believe.

Maybe Rihanna's team is worried that a lengthy, heavily-publicized he-said/she-said in court carries nearly as much risk for Rihanna as it does for Brown. It's hard, after all, to imagine Brown's reputation falling much further than where it was right after pictures of Rihanna's bruised face leaked online. Rihanna has more to lose. The singer has made conspicuous public appearances with other men in recent weeks, and will have trouble looking as independent and "over" Brown if she ends up spending months arguing with him in court over the specifics of what happened.

In all likelihood, Brown will take the plea deal everyone is buzzing about and Rihanna avoids talking about or being seen with him ever again. Brown accepts that the incident will retard his career; Rihanna will finally be able put the ordeal behind her — to the greatest extent possible, at least.

(Pic: INF)

dandles' new line beats the original, Don't Forget the Trail of Breadcrumbs, Kids!

She's headed to rehab, Page Six reports, using a cover her ex Lindsay Lohan would appreciate: Exhaustion, which Lohan used to claim crippled her on movie sets (before she was arrested for cocaine possession).

A rep for Semel tells us, "Courtenay has indeed checked into rehab . . . She's emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted.

There's no question this "exhaustion" bug has been going around; it sent Heather Locklear into an Arizona treatment facility last year, around the time Kirsten Dunst sought rehab for, uh, depression.

It's hard to tell what left Semel more tired out: Allegedly punching that security guard in Las Vegas, purportedly setting girlfriend and fellow heiress Casey Johnson's hair on fire (a charge Semel denies) or working on that reality show.

Actually, none of the above: Our money's on "trying to live for a month without access to daddy's money." Talk about exhausting.

MisterHippity's new line beats the original, "Wait Now I Can't Remember. Was She 'Ginger', Or Was She 'Sexy'?"

Rourke headed to Midtown, where he was photographed anyway. The Sun headline: "Mickey Dork."

(Pics: INF)

Boomp3.com

Pausing slightly during a whirlwind shopping expedition, Mickey Rourke and beloved dog Loki decided to experience Rome in all of its glory and splendor. "It’s a beautiful city," Rourke said. "Just ripe with culture and history; I mean it’s just a real work of art. Something to savoir and behold.” When asked for comment, Loki said she preferred the majesty of Venice and itss various canals. Loki added, “It’s easier to get away with certain things on the street.”

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.