And we're off! At the stroke of midnight, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull began screening on 4260 U.S. screens, and 12,000 more around the planet.

With a 4-day opening weekend poised to topple all previous box office records, we thought we'd celebrate the iconic treasure seeker's historic return with an Indy PlunderWatch gross earnings projections clock. Using a complex algorithm that carefully calibrates screen count, market research, other openings, and hyperbole divided by fanboy prattling, our calculations* suggests that the sequel has in just nine short hours of release already laid waste to current title-holder Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End's $137 million take by well over nine-and-a-half trillion dollars.

*Margin of error: +/- 9.5 trillion.

• 'Jones' eyes box office bonanza [Variety]

Part of this easygoing showmanship comes from LaBeouf's teenage years in Echo Park, where despite being nearly the only white kid for miles, he blended in. He picked up freestyle rapping. He was, he says, "a major dozens player" at a mostly black school. Just so he could hang out with his friends, he learned how to breakdance. "It was sort of your greeting card," he says. "Like, yeah, I'm white, but I have soul."

The rest derives from what you might call family tradition: Shia's forebears include a long line of counterculture roughnecks and artistes manqués. His maternal grandfather—from whom Shia takes his name—was a comedian and Mafia barber on New York's Lower East Side, and his dad's parents were a Cajun Green Beret who drank himself to death and a beatnik lesbian who hung out with Ginsberg. This star-crossed tradition continued with his parents: Mom, a Jewish Earth Mama who sold handmade jewelry at local fairs; Dad, a Willie Nelson look-alike who was also a Vietnam vet, convicted felon, and commedia dell'arte clown. Pop was the sort who grew pot along the Santa Monica Freeway and thought of karate as a great way to meet the ladies.

Shia proved to be exactly the sort of natural-born hustler that this oddball family needed. While he was still a toddler, the LaBeoufs started something called the Snow Cone Family Circus, whose business plan was based on the notion that their Latin neighbors in Echo Park really dug hot dogs and clowns. All three LaBeoufs would dress in greasepaint and motley and run around the park improvising slapstick routines, trying to get some of the riches of the late Reagan era to trickle down their way.

Reading about the colorful characters inhabiting the various outgrowths of the LaBeouf Family Marijuana Leaf only renders Shia's unlikely journey all the more satisfying. This was no scion of an A-list Hollywood clan, plum career opportunities handed over to him along with keys to the Beemer on a silver platter. No, this was a young man who labored his way up from the notoriously difficult Echo Park vaudeville and cured meat circuit, up through the ranks of the Belmont High King Flares varsity hip-hop club, and ultimately managed to survive a stint inside the Disney Channel childhood-erasing machine, to land where he is today: Carrying blockbusters, and telling the story about the time he got so wasted, he had to change his clothes three times to buy a single pack of cigarettes—and through it all, somehow managed to still wind up in jail. This, ladies and gentleman, is a star.

• THE (HOT-DOG-VENDING, KNIFE-FIGHTING, BREAK-DANCING, SPIELBERG-WOOING) ADVENTURES OF YOUNG SHIA LABEOUF [men.style.com/gq/]

• WATCH VIDEO

Paramount spent about $185 million to make the movie and will pay at least $150 million to market it worldwide. The studio will earn a distribution fee of 12.5% of the revenue it receives from the film's release in all media, including theaters, DVD and television.

"Crystal Skull" will have to generate around $400 million for Paramount for the studio to make its money back and earn its distribution fee. Only at that point will Lucas, Spielberg, Ford and smaller profit participants, including screenwriter David Koepp, begin collecting their portion.

Paramount will take 12.5 cents from every dollar thereafter, while Lucas and company will earn 87.5 cents.

In the event that "Crystal Skull" fails at the box office, this arrangement will leave the filmmakers and talent empty-handed. Paramount would lose part of its investment, but not as much as it would have under a conventional deal with top talent.

We take a moment to allow you to recover from any lightheadedness or shortness of breath you may have experienced upon reading the words "fails at the box office," as certainly nothing will prevent the second-most beloved film franchise of all time from ridding billions of Indy fans the world over of the Euros, pesos, and rubles weighing down their wallets since the announcement of Skull's global release date of May 22nd. Still, as perpetual Eeyore George Lucas explained, the inevitably disappointing movie "is not going to make much money for us in the end." Paramount should take heart, however, as anything short of 87.5% of 7 katrillion dollars barely registers as "much money" on the Lucasfilm ledger.

• Ford, Lucas, Spielberg on risky quest for treasure [LAT]

STEVEN SPIELBERG: It really is important to be able to point out that the Internet is still filled with more speculation than facts. The Internet isn't really about facts. It's about people's wishful thinking, based on a scintilla of evidence that allows their imaginations to springboard. And that's fine.

GEORGE LUCAS: Y'know, Steven will say, ''Oh, everything's out on the Internet [in terms of Crystal Skull details] — what this is and what that is.'' And to that I say, ''Steven, it doesn't make any difference!'' Look — Jaws was a novel before it was a movie, and anybody could see how it ended. Didn't matter. SPIELBERG: But there's lots and lots of people who don't want to find out what happens. They want that to happen on the 22nd of May. They want to find out in a dark theater. They don't wanna find out by reading a blog.... A movie is experiential. A movie happens in a way that has always been cathartic, the personal, human catharsis of an audience in holy communion with an experience up on the screen. That's why I'm in the middle of this magic, and I always will be.

While this may be the first official comment made by Spielberg on his utter contempt for Spoilers and the Spoiling Poison They Spread, his passionate and conservative views on the topic should come as little surprise to anyone who followed the story of Tyler Nelson—aka the "dancing Russian soldier" extra who spilled precious Crystal Skull plot secrets to his home town newspaper, and was subsequently disappeared in the dead of night, lest his blabbermouth ways further pose a threat to the experiential catharsis of witnessing Greaser LaBeouf for the first time.

[Photo: AP/EW.com]

• Steven Spielberg and George Lucas: The Titans Talk! [EW.com]

In Saturday night's live broadcast, Harrison Ford (who, in deference to his surroundings, had only Sunny D swishing around the ice-filled highball glass he totes around to all awards ceremonies) recreated perhaps one of the most iconic sequences in modern cinematic history: The Raiders of the Lost Ark idol/sandbag switch-off. It was a clever bit of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull promotion, particularly in the moments immediately after Ford stole a taste of the non-toxic green goop that covered him, as the oldest man in the room was then made to outrun a rolling 500 ton gobstopper while avoiding a swarm of deadly Pixy Stix blowdarts launched at him from the kids-only crowd.

• Kids Choice Awards

"When you do a movie like this, a sequel that's very, very anticipated, people anticipate ultimately that it's going to be the Second Coming," Lucas says.

"And it's not. It's just a movie. Just like the other movies. You probably have fond memories of the other movies. But if you went back and looked at them, they might not hold up the same way your memory holds up." [...]

"When people approach the new ('Indiana Jones'), much like they did with 'Phantom Menace,' they have a tendency to be a little harder on it," he says. "You're not going to get a lot of accolades doing a movie like this. All you can do is lose." [...]

Lucas says that doesn't hold much sway for him, Spielberg and Harrison Ford.

"We came back to do ('Indy') because we wanted to have fun," he says. "It's not going to make much money for us in the end. We all have some money. ... It would make a lot of money if you weren't rich. But we're not doing it for the money."

True, when you're worth $3 billion, another $50 million give or take is hardly going to make or break you. That fanboy-fuck-you-fortune allows Lucas and his collaborators the luxury of perhaps getting a tiny bit experimental with supposdly sacred texts; it's only once you let go of preconceived notions like "justifiable sequels" and "good movies," and allow yourself to truly respond to your creative instinct to, say, add a patois-spouting duck-ape or Mexican Rerun into the mix, that cinematic alchemy can truly occur.

• George Lucas Says His New 'Indiana Jones' Is 'Just a Movie' [USA Today]

• IndianaJones.com

That's four days before "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" opens day-and-date worldwide May 22.

The cast, which includes Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeouf and Cate Blanchett, have already been notified to pack their black-tie outfits for the French Riviera's red carpet unspooling even though the fest has yet to confirm its official lineup. That won't happen until April.

If Paramount expects their release to incite the kind of mouth-foaming, Da Vinci Code-mania that sent millions of Frenchmen storming the Louvre in search of mysterious Sudoko puzzles printed on the back of priceless canvases, they'll have to up the ante. Perhaps their stars can board a Skull-branded Eurostar train at Waterloo station, an atrophied Ford thrilling thousands on the journey to Cannes as he grunts his way onto the roof of a moving diner car for a whip demonstration.

• Cannes premiere for 'Indiana Jones'? [Variety]

With that in mind, we now proudly present the first teaser trailer for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Before you click play, however, humor us as we adjust our Mola Ram headdress, clear our throats, and joyously declare, "19 years!!!"

• Indy 4 Trailer

Indeed, even at a quick glance, the item seems to throb with an ancient, alien power, and one can easily imagine our aging archaeologist doing whatever it takes to claim it before his enemies, knowing that its mystical healing properties will immediately cure the arthritis that's made every whip-crack since his 60th birthday an excruciating exercise in rheumatoid agony.

UPDATE (2/7/07): Picture removed at the behest of Paramount's legal department.

[Movieweb]

Shia LaBeouf, who starred in "Disturbia" and "Transformers," and stars in the upcoming Indiana Jones sequel, was arrested about 2:25 a.m. at the [Walgreens] store at 757 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago police spokesman Marcel Bright said.

A security guard summoned police after LaBeouf refused several commands to leave the store, Bright said.

The guard signed a complaint against the actor, who was cited on a misdemeanor count of trespassing.

While we'd say it's perhaps premature to dispatch LaBeouf to an out-of-state celebrity wellness facility, far from the fast lane and all the Jäger-fueled pharmacy sit-ins that implies, we think the time might be right for one of Shia's Hollywood titan mentors to sit him down for a little man-to-man talk about just how many crystal-skull-related dollars are resting atop his developing shoulders. And if Spielberg can't talk any sense into him, perhaps Harrison Ford can, explaining, "Look kid—who hasn't hit the Cutty Sark a little too hard, then been ordered to leave the premises after spending an hour sampling toothpaste flavors at a Brentwood Rite Aid? The trick is knowing when to leave quietly," before winking, tousling his young co-star's slicked-back hair, and sending him on his way.

• Disney star Shia LaBeouf arrested at Chicago Walgreens [chicagotribune.com]

Roderick Davis, 37, of Cerritos pleaded guilty Thursday to receiving stolen property and commercial burglary. As part of his plea deal, he will serve two years and four months in state prison.

He would have faced at least four years in prison if convicted of the charges, the District Attorney's Office said.

A call to a spokesman for Paramount, which will release the film in May, wasn't immediately returned.

Davis was arrested Oct. 4 in West Hollywood during a sting operation by detectives who learned that some of the stolen material was being offered for sale to several entertainment gossip Web sites.

They posed as potential buyers for the images and set up a meeting. When Davis arrived, they took him into custody.

Pleased that the courts had so swiftly and effectively dealt with the fiend who defiled his DreamWorks temple with his greed, Spielberg decided that enough justice had been dispensed on this day. With a meaningful nod of his head, the black-hooded assistant charged with the hourly flogging of the loose-lipped extra who had previously transgressed against the super-secret Indy 4 production immediately put down his cat o' nine tails, unlocked the shackles that prevent his escape, and took the prisoner outside for some unscheduled exercise and brief exposure to the sun.

• Man Pleads Guilty in `Indy Jones' Theft [Breitbart]
• Previously: Spielberg Reassures Lucky Set Visitors That He's Not Going To Let Lucas Jar-Jar Up 'Indy 4' [Defamer]