While we're loathe to plug the film (in fact, we would sooner piss in our own mouths than watch it again) or its network, we acknowledge the vague intrigue of Lohan's pseudo-twin/stripper/victim antics among the IKWKM cultists out there. Here's hoping the torpedoed likes of Speed Racer and The Happening find this kind of love in their own pay-cable afterlives, perhaps on Starz soon-to-be-introduced sister channel Flopz.

• I Know Who Killed Me [Starz]

"There is so much controversy about Lindsay Lohan, I just want to see if her abilities are still intact," one moviegoer said. [...]

"I hope she can pull herself together," another fan said. "This movie wasn't that great and I hope in the future she might come out with better movies."

With these fans' thoughts on the record, the GMA crew then turned to two of the most accomplished child-actor fuck-ups of the 1980s for their perspective on the Lohan flameout:

It's a possible fate 1980s teen stars Corey Feldman and Corey Haim know firsthand. Their movie roles dried up as they struggled with addiction.

"I see a version of me that is female and younger, and I just hope that she catches it now," Haim said.

Feldman said the actress should focus on her health.

"All that should be on Lindsay's shoulders or anybody right at this moment is, 'I need to get myself healthy,'" he said.

The blueprint for Lohan's survival, both personal and professional, has been clearly drawn by the Two Coreys: Take a decade or two off from the Hollywood grind to get one's shit together, then pray that basic cable network looking for some easy publicity will set her up with a reality show, perhaps one where Lohan invites her onetime SUV-bound prisoners to crash on her couch as a camera crew documents their lightly scripted attempts at healing the wounds of the past.

• Fallen Star: Lohan's Issues May Derail Career [ABC News]

1. The Simpsons Movie—$71.850 million
It seems that Fox's clever promotional onslaught—the conversion of selected 7-11s into Kwik-E-Marts, the giant Homer rendering in the English countryside poised to assault the genitals of an ancient fertility god with a donut, and the ambitious strategy of teasing the film's opening by running 18 years of half-hour "mini-films" on their television network to create awareness for their feature—has paid off handsomely, as The Simpsons Movie's nearly $72 million opening weekend far surpassed the safe $40-50 million projections the studio had claimed.

Emboldened by this runaway success, Fox is mulling cutting the buzz-building lead time for a sequel in half, which should put The Simpsons Movie II in theaters in the summer of 2016, a window that should allow enough time for the construction of a fully functioning Springfield metropolis, host to the next installment's premiere, to be constructed at the border of Maine, Ohio, Nevada and Kentucky.

2. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry—$19.063 million
We'd take The Simpsons Movie's lone*, tossed off, pitch-perfect gay joke (we won't spoil it for you, but if you've seen the movie, we're sure you know what we're talking about) over 110 minutes of Adam Sandler and Kevin James exploring every way in which it's icky for hetero firefighters to pretend to be lovers.

3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix—$17.065 million
A sad thought: With only two books in the Potter franchise left for Warner Bros. to adapt into movies, the studio probably stands to make only about another $1.5 billion or so in worldwide box office receipts. Let's all send them $10 each to lessen the blow of losing their cash cow.

4. Hairspray—$15.550 million
While we've previously mentioned how disturbing we find seeing John Travolta transformed into Edna Turnblad, in truth, it's the only the second-most terrifying thing we've seen him do.

9. I Know Who Killed Me—$3.4 million
No matter how badly a movie performs, there's always a silver lining: at least Lindsay Lohan's reps can claim that she can open a movie stronger than Big Boi and Faizon Love, a fact which may open up a new career in urban comedies for the troubled actress.

[*OK, maybe not so lone! See comments below.]

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE July 27-29, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

• I Know Who Killed Me (2007) [Rotten Tomatoes]
• Previously: Inside Last Night's Lohan-Haunted 'I Know Who Killed Me' Screening [Defamer]

Tagged along with a friend of mine to the I Know Who Killed Me screening at the Academy in Beverly Hills last night. Co stars Neil McDonough and Julia Ormond were in attendance, but the star of the show (LILO—you may have read about her lately) was noticeably absent. As the movie begins, producer Frank Mancuso Jr. gets up and says the requisite "thanks for coming" and "thanks for all your hard work" and then goes there by saying that we've "seen things on this movie we never thought we would see in this town" and that after Lindsay's "most recent problem" they considered not even having this screening.

But like the brave soldiers they are, they refused to be "held hostage by someone else's issues" because it would not be fair to the people who did the majority of the work on this movie.

Also, in the scene where Lindsay gets hit in the face with a shovel— a scene meant to be terrifying—the audience erupted into laughter. Another not-funny-but-funny moment: when Lilo's stripper character who may or may not be suffering from a split personality is being questioned by cops, she refers to her mother as "a crackwhore, disgusting, pathetic"...ouch Dina! The line was received by riotous laughter.

At the very least, it's nice to see that even those collaterally damaged by Lohan's latest personal trainwreck can gather together and break some of the crushing tension surrounding the film's imminent, controversy-plagued release by sharing some inappropriate laughter at their star's expense. The healing, it seems, has already begun.

• Previously: Lindsay Lohan: Unwitting Wearer Of Mystery Coke-Pants? [Defamer]