That's a question we've been asking ourselves a lot over the last few days. We love Letterman. We also love Conan. We've never really been forced to confront this sort of dilemma previously. In the past the question of who to watch at 11:35 was a no-brainer—-Johnny Carson was the only show in town during his era, and Letterman was always matched up against Leno, his comedic antithesis in just about every way, so usually we watched Letterman on CBS at 11:35 and then switched over NBC to catch Conan at 12:37. It was all so fantastically fine.

But now there's this new thing and we don't know quite what to do. This is like that time Hulk Hogan squared off against Andre The Giant for the WWF title when we were kids—-We didn't know who the hell to pull for!

We can, however, take solace in knowing that we aren't the only ones confused by all this. New York has a feature in their new issue by Sam Anderson addressing the same subject.

Now we have to adjust to a new binary: Letterman versus Conan. (Leno will take his show to prime time, where he enters into a new binary with a bunch of sausage-grinder franchises like Law & Order and CSI.) On the surface, Letterman-Conan is infinitely less dramatic than Letterman-Leno; the intensities have all dropped out of the equation. They are not peers-when Letterman started his first late-night show, O'Brien was at Harvard studying Faulkner and writing Lettermanesque humor for the Lampoon. There's no obvious bad blood-Letterman was an early Conan supporter, and, just as Letterman once paid tribute to the retiring Carson ("Thanks for my career"), Conan spent much of his recent Late Night farewell speech gushing over Dave ("David Letterman invented this Late Night show … He set the bar absurdly high for everybody in my generation who does this"). Their stylistic differences will create very few rifts between friends and neighbors. Conan speaks fluently in the late-night language Letterman invented: cerebral non sequiturs; field trips in search of real-world absurdities; forays through the bowels of the studio to interrupt other shows. Both hosts morph into clingy nerds when faced with beautiful actresses. (Conan once screamed like a linebacker and threw his chair after Rebecca Romijn kissed him.) Conan is in many ways a mini-Letterman: tall, lanky, red-haired, stunty, smart. If Letterman-Leno felt like a decades-long slow-motion death match, Letterman-Conan threatens to be its opposite: sweet, cute, possibly even boring.

The most tantalizing possible outcome of the Letterman-Conan binary is that it will force Letterman, at this late stage in the game, to get better. To stand out against the background of Jay, Dave just had to be Dave. To compete with a younger, hungrier version of himself, he might have to do more than that, for the first time in years. The similarities might turn out to be a blessing: Their stunts will cross-pollinate, their jokes will play against each other. To differentiate themselves, they may even have to launch an arms race of total absurdity.

We'd like to just state here and now that we have no issue whatsoever in "an arms race of total absurdity." In fact, we encourage it. Please fellas, indulge us. And as for who to watch, we suppose that we can just DVR one or both shows and watch one at 11:35 and the other at 12:37, because we usually have to be kinda stoned to get into Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Fallon's show just, you know, fucking sucks.

Letterman vs. Mini-Letterman [New York]

"This is our time as a family to come together to support Nick's adjustment back into the public life, keeping it as normal as possible," she said. "Neither Nick, nor we as a family, has any interest in making this anything but private. We respect the media's role and only ask that they respect our privacy. Nick went into prison as a juvenile and has experienced something that will mold and affect him for the rest of his adult life. His focus is to make a positive difference in this world, media-free. Since his future actions will speak louder than any words, there is no need to speak to the media at this time."

Believe us — it would be our pleasure if young Hogan (a/k/a Nick Bollea) were to uphold that "media-free" promise, though reports from his stint in the poke indicate a reality show about his reassimilation is just the kind of unfortunate inevitability you might expect. But even with a media accommodation here and there, Nick still has a decidedly motor-free existence ahead of him: A three-year license suspension, five-year probation and 500 hours of community service for the high-speed crash that left his pal, former Marine and Iraq War veteran John Graziano critically injured and disabled to this day.

But enough of the heavy stuff! We're just glad he nabbed an early-release in time for Election Day; Florida's a battleground as always, and we know how civically engaged the Hogan family stays this time of year. Welcome home, son!

• Bollea Released From Pinellas Jail After 166 Days [Tampa Tribune via MTV News]

Still, her tenuous grasp on the memory is understandable, as proven when Stern and Co. continue to quiz her about presidential candidates (asked Obama's first name, she carefully answers, "'Barack' or something?"), forcing an overwhelmed Hogan to cry out, "There's too many friggin' people in office!" Perhaps that would explain the blank she draws when asked the name of the current Vice President? The answer, dear Brooke, is "Dick Cheney," and it's as plain as the nose on your face (which, if you're not careful, Mr. Cheney will shoot off). [Howard Stern]

Brooke Hogan is fightin' mad after her mother, Linda, accused estranged hubby Terry (Hulk) Hogan of violating a restraining order and stalking her. Linda recently told police that as she was leaving her house, she saw Hulk driving toward it and called 911.

"I know for a fact that the accusations made against my father are completely false," said Brooke. She's right: Miami cops found no evidence of a restraining order.

Well, there's that. Still, what kind of country have we become where you can no longer persecute people for violating imaginary restraining orders? Is celebrity jurisprudence now so out of hand that the mere idea of a legally binding document — issued, no doubt, by Snuffleupagus himself — is somehow found lacking? Pity poor Linda Hogan, undone by a judicial loophole despite a powerhouse team of lawyers led by Phoenix Wright. If they can't beat the (imaginary) system, what hope have we?

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Hulk's daughter slams her mom [New York Daily News]

Danny Bonaduce, Dennis Rodman and Dustin "Screech" Diamond are heading into the ring to compete in CMT's upcoming reality series Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling.

Also on board are Todd Bridges (Diff'rent Strokes), super-heavyweight boxer ButterBean, Trishelle Cannatella (The Real World), Erin Murphy (Tabitha Stephens on Bewitched), Frank Stallone, '80s pop star Tiffany and Playboy playmate Nikki Ziering.

We're not planning to watch it anyway, but we'd just like to say: If this experiment doesn't end with a Darwinist death-match between ButterBean and the notorious amateur pugilist Diamond, then it wasn't worth doing in the first place. Place your bets now.

• CMT sets wrestling lineup [THR]

• Hogan Trial Live Coverage [NBC6]

Which celebrity dad is just as rebellious as his starlet daughter? The troubled parent wears a ring through a piercing on his nether regions.

Hulk Hogan: Low on the list, only because Brooke hasn't quite reached "starlet" or "rebellious" levels of fame yet.
Jamie Spears: Britney has publicly outed her dad as a former drug user, and we can't think of a father/daughter pair who are more "troubled" at the moment, but somehow Jamie doesn't strike us as the manhood-piercing type.
Michael Lohan: He is a wild card, but he's also some kind of born-again missionary. We don't know much about born-agains, but we doubt they frequent piercing parlors too often.

Lionel Richie: Lionel's the kind of guy we could picture spontaneously deciding to stick some jewels in those nether regions of his. But Nicole's no longer causing him any grief, and we can't find any reason why the crooner would be "troubled" at the moment.
Bruce Willis: Most likely suspect. Rumer's rebellious, Bruce is floundering, and he's a bad ass dude. How else to prove to his extended family that Ashton will never, ever be the man he is? A pierced Segel is the obvious answer.

[Photo credits: Getty, Rob's Blog, NYDN]

• JUST ASKING [NY Post]

The family of passenger of the vehicle at the time, John Graziano, is still continuing with their lawsuit against the Bolleas. [My Fox Tampa Bay]

Think about it; not only did the Hulkster successfully crush the Communist Party and end the Cold War back in the `80s by defeating the evil tyrant Nikolai Volkoff, he also managed to run roughshod over Iran (The Iron Sheik), France (Andre The Giant) and, um, Uganda (The Ugandan Giant). If that doesn't make someone supremely qualified to at least serve as a United States ambassador abroad, then our name isn't Shirley Temple Black. And if you're looking for someone to deliver a balls-to-the-wall stump speech, we're hard pressed to think of anyone who can get a crowd pumped up faster than one Hulk Hogan ... BROTHER! Now if you'll excuse us, we have to go and finish off this bowl of Mr. T cereal.

UPDATE (6:03am): We just learned this piece originally aired in January. Our bad. Regardless of air date, our feelings on the issue remain consistent. Hulk for Veep!

• Jimmy Kimmel Live [ABC.com]

• WATCH VIDEO

Hogan made the rounds at NBC's Burbank offices last week and has accepted the job. The deal is still being finalized, but sources say both parties are committed.

NBC sees Hogan as "the perfect fit" for the "Gladiators" revival, sources say. In addition to his experience as a physical performer during his years with the World Wrestling Federation, Hogan has proved he can draw viewers with sheer force of personality in his successful VH1 reality series "Hogan Knows Best."

We're truly excited to see what Silverman comes up with next as he slowly transforms NBC into a supernetwork comprised of all his favorite programs and personalities of his TV-obsessed youth. With nothing more to guide him than his impeccable taste in pre-proven concepts and a Magic 8-Ball custom-painted with the striking likeness of legendary programmer Brandon Tartikoff, by next fall we could easily be enjoying an updated Silver Spoons starring Zac Efron, an A-Team in which mercenary Gulf War veterans criss-cross America in a flying van to fight on behalf of the weak and powerless, or, in the most unorthodox of his scheduling masterstrokes, completely unaltered, nightly primetime reruns of We Got It Made.

• Hulk Hogan Finalizing Deal to Host NBC's 'American Gladiators' [TV Week]
• Previously: Defamer Goes To The 'American Gladiator' Auditions [Defamer]

"Rabih Cheaib, 20, who watched the high-speed race and was at the scene shortly after the crash, said he saw the Viper return to the area after the accident. He recognized the driver as Dunedin resident Danny Jacobs, whom he knew through friends."

[Photo Credit: Tim Boyles / Getty Images Entertainment]