Gawker: defamer, honors

Harvard Offers Paris Hilton Celebutard Emeritus Status

Seth — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 14:30:44 EST

It's truly been a week for healing and personal triumphs for Paris Hilton, who, fresh off her Late Show with David Letterman appearance, in which the talk show host publicly apologized for their last contentious meeting and offered the heiress full access to his Ed Sullivan Theater to plug her various, completely immaterial projects and ventures, was also crowned "woman of the year" yesterday by the Harvard Lampoon. It was an honor she showed up in person to accept, where she gave the Ivy League institution her trademarked, temperature-based papal blessing:

"Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine standing here on the steps of the Harvard Lampoon receiving the woman of the year award," she told the students gathered outside the castle-like, red-brick building that houses the Lampoon.
"You guys are so hot," she added. "Harvard's hot."

The 26-year-old star of the television reality show "The Simple Life" kept the crowd waiting for so long that the head of the student-run magazine had to reassure the students that the event was not a prank.

"All of you can stab me if she doesn't come," Lampoon president Chris Schleicher said wryly. "She's really coming."

To be sure, this award shouldn't be confused with the famous Hasty Pudding Theatricals "Woman of the Year Roast," a far more venerated Harvard tradition that today will celebrate the self-uglifying dramatic accomplishments of Charlize Theron. Rather, it's an entirely new honor, and one that should have those Yalies scrambling to keep up with their rival's visiting celebutard faculty, with calls being placed as we speak to Tara Reid's personal bookings manager to see if she might be interested in being the guest of honor at their 1st Annual Whiffenpoofs Women We Love Festival.

"Harvard's hot," Paris Hilton declares [Reuters]

Ricky Martin Beach Towels Out In Force At Walk Of Fame Ceremony

Seth — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 20:34:57 EDT

Ricky Martin received a star on the Walk of Fame today, the most illustrious Puerto Rican studcake to be bestowed with that greatest of purchasable Hollywood Chamber of Commerce honors since Eric Estrada flicked his trademarked thumbs-up for the gathered fan.

Martin's ceremony was no less a display of controlled hysteria, his appreciative statements nearly drowned out by the piercing screams of hundreds of screaming women and high-pitched men, hoisting some of the most elaborate hand-woven fan tapestries we've seen since the expansive Jamie Foxx Quilt carpeted the Hollywood & Highland central courtyard.

[Photos: Getty Images]

Ricky Martin Gets Walk of Fame Star [ap.google.com]
Ricky Consigue Su Estrella [WOW Report]

Britney Spears Honored For Staged Incompetence

Seth — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 14:46:59 EDT

In what must be the most trying and unheralded period of Britney Spears's career yet, any sort of achievement—even topping a UKTV Gold poll honoring the "most embarrassing dance sequence of all time"—must come as welcome news. Surely learning not even the mass cringing elicited by Elaine Benes's thumb-flinging pas de incontinence could approach that of her own VMAs performance should be enough to comfort Spears with the knowledge that 2007 wasn't a total wash.

Britney's "crime against choreography" tops poll [today.reuters.com]