Strange as that may sound, though, that isn't the really odd part: He'll only be in one scene, and he'll essentially be the only one in it.

Why? Well, duh! My spies tell me that no one in the cast wanted to work opposite him again after he brought production to a standstill by pulling a no-show without even calling in (cough, cough) sick. What's more, Minds' producers were forced to use a special crew to shoot the pariah's scene because the show's regular staff refused to be on set with him.

"Pariah" seems like a harsh assessment and a ceremonial walkout by the crew a cold kiss-off, but we won't pretend to know how painful it was for his TV family to realize that their star never intended to return after ditching that fateful table read. Still, their poignant absence is a classier and more professional way to say goodbye than turning up to work only to ruin every take by coughing Asshole! and Quitter! into their fists each time Patinkin opens his mouth to deliver his dialogue.

• Exclusive: Mandy Patinkin Returns to Criminal Minds! [TVGuide.com]

"When he approached us and said, 'I want to be released,' and we talked about it internally, we realized that this was the moment in time where we knew we had to address it, and we did and were able to accommodate him," she told a gathering of TV critics in Beverly Hills.

In a statement issued on his behalf by the show's producers, Patinkin said his departure was "due to creative differences." The producers added that salary and contract issues were not at issue.

Pressed for further details during the network's semiannual presentation to TV critics, Tassler insisted unspecified "personal issues" were behind Patinkin's move. Asked to reconcile her explanation with his, she said, "I think creative differences is a euphemism for personal issues."

To her credit, the discreet Tassler refused to entertain reporters' follow-up questions about what "personal issues" might be a euphemism for, preferring instead to wish the actor the best of luck with all of his future suddenly-quitting-hit-shows-under-mysterious-circumstances endeavors, and even generously offering to send Patinkin's headshot over to NBC colleague Ben Silverman for one of his headline-grabbing talent reclamation projects.

• CBS: Patinkin Quit 'Minds' Due to 'Personal Issue' [Reuters]

After Patinkin's no-show at the first summer read-through, speculation swirled that it was a ploy to squeeze more money out of his contract. But CBS Paramount and ABC Studios stressed that the actor's departure "was not in any way connected to contract renegotiations or salary issues."

The Patinkin camp chalked up the actor's departure to "creative differences."

A new character will be added to take Patinkin's place while his character's departure will be explained in one of the third season's early episodes.

While producers will probably find, at the very least, a passable replacement to fill Patinkin's hastily vacated labcoat and take up his semen-detecting blacklight (again, we're tragically ignorant of the specifics of this particular show), things on the set will never be the same: No matter how accomplished a performer is added, castmate Shemar Moore (pictured with Patinkin in happier times) will be forced to forfeit their Criminal Minds chickenfighting championship to hated rivals Thomas Gibson and Paget Brewster, undoing two seasons' worth of dominance in their downtime bloodsport.

• Patinkin Out at Criminal Minds [B&C]
• Mandy Patinkin Is Missing! [Defamer]

Multiple sources confirm that Mandy Patinkin is being written out of the season premiere of Criminal Minds after he failed to report to work.

Reps for the show declined comment, but it's safe to assume that the actor/chanteuse is embroiled in some kind of nasty contract stand-off with the network. (The work stoppage was first reported by the sleuths over at E! Online.)

Coincidentally, Minds' just put out a casting call for a character that fits Patinkin's description. What odd timing, eh?

Indeed, it is odd that CBS is issuing a casting call just as their star has come down with a debilitating case of contractitis; stranger still is that the notice is seeking "a less fucking greedy Mandy Patinkin type, who appreciates how easily replaceable the leading men on second-tier FBI dramas truly are, and who doesn't want to spend the rest of his life signing headshots at Princess Bride conventions."

• Criminal Minds Cuts Patinkin From Premiere [TV Guide.com]
• Exclusive! Mandy Patinkin Out After Missing Minds Read? [E! Online]