The massive, traffic-stopping march that drew a couple dozen to Manhattan's Ed Sullivan theater on Tuesday in protest of Letterman's rape-speech was organized by failed sportscaster and radio host John Zeigler. But he and his followers aren't the only ones who've heeded Sarah Palin's call to "rise up." Deprived recently of a target to shrilly—that's right we said shrilly—harangue, disaffected Hillary Clinton voters have taken to the streets, and to Photoshop, to threaten Letterman's advertisers with a boycott unless they stop subsidizing his sexual assaults bad jokes.

UPDATE: An Olive Garden spokesman tells the New York Times that they didn't actually pull their ads; rather, they merely let a previously scheduled run of ads expire earlier this month. Sounds like a standard advertiser dodge when they're trying to cave to outrage without appearing to do so.

Hillbuzz, one of the premier reactionary Clintonist sites, has taken time off from its ongoing search for Michelle Obama's "whitey tape" to draw up clever versions of some Letterman advertisers' brands that reflect the truth about the man they sponsor. Here's some of their handiwork:

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

[Via Balloon Juice.]

To recap: Bill was working as a vaguely defined "adviser" for some investment funds owned by Yucaipa, Burkle's company. Then his wife goes and runs for president so Bill publicly "severed business ties" with Burkle, presumably to avoid being photographed with more attractive young women on Burkle's plane.

But! Bill's consolation prize was that Yucaipa would pay him $20 million when he left. For what? Nobody's really sure! But there were lots of things that could blow up in Bill's (and by extension, Hillary's) face, politically:

Mr. Clinton was one of the three owners of the foreign fund's general partner, along with Mr. Burkle and Dubai Investment Group (YGP) Ltd., an entity that was part of the business empire of Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, the ruler of Dubai.

The Yucaipa connection presented other potential difficulties for Mrs. Clinton, people familiar with the matter said. In late 2007, the foreign fund invested in a Chinese media company, Xinhua Finance Media Ltd., whose parent company had past ties to the Beijing government.

Oh you know who else was connected to Clinton via Burkle? Convicted scam artist Raffaello Follieri! So, my working theory here is that taking the money would have caused too much of a headache for Hillary in the press, and also, since Bill's payout was theoretically tied to how much he earned, maybe there wasn't all that much money there to be had anyhow. But if you know better, feel free to share. [WSJ]

Having soured on the Clintons after raising huge sums of money for Bill and sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom—twice—Geffen found himself enamored of Obama from the first time he saw him on TV, giving a speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. "I thought he was a remarkable guy," Geffen told me today. "After I heard him give that speech, I called him up and said, 'You're going to run for president and I'm going to support you.' " Geffen says Obama laughed and said he was very flattered, but that he wasn't running.

Cut to two years later. "He called me one day and said with a laugh, ' David, I guess you're right. I am running for president and I'd like your support.' And of course, I said, 'You have it.' "

Geffen then leaned back in his Carbon Beach chaise lounge, asking his second assistant's second assistant to bring over the master to-do list. "Cross out 'Make Obama run for president,'" he instructed, as the assistant's felt-tip marker hovered past "Flowers for Seann," "Bollywood!" and "Smear toothpaste on all the doorknobs at Paramount."

• Geffen on Obama: 'He'll be an inspiring president' [LAT]

“The trick with all of these people is to try to come out as fair and evenhanded as possible,” Mr. Meyers, who is also the head writer for “SNL,” said.

Not to quote from an internet meme or anything, but, "O RLY?"

Mr. Meyers said the inclusion of Ms. Poehler’s Clinton character “made it safer to mention things about Sarah Palin without making it seem like an attack piece.”

...“The Palin people were happy with it as well, which was the weird thing,” Mr. Meyers said.

Well, yes, that may happen when you're taking great pains not to offend. The thing is, though: is that what SNL is about? Or is it simply another example of how the cable news reliance on equal-time talking points has obscured actual investigation all across the TV spectrum? After all, it's hard to imagine some of SNL's past, famously acerbic writers prioritizing fairness at the expense of scathing, truthful comedy.

Ironically, for an institution that's presumably liberal, the show's gotten most of its modern mileage out of satirizing Democrats (with the exception of Dana Carvey's early 90's run as Ross Perot and the elder George Bush). After Will Ferrell left the show early on during the George W. Bush presidency, SNL attempted a few recasts of the role, though none truly broke out. Is that the reason the show hasn't been able to produce a single iconic Bush skit since Ferrell's departure (while satirists like those at The Daily Show made hay of the president's material), or is it simply because when it comes to making fun of Republicans, SNL suddenly needs to bend over backwards to appear fair and balanced?

• SNL Cast: Even Sarah Palin Likes Tina Fey Playing Sarah Palin [NY Times]

The monologue, by guest host and Olympic swimming champ Michael Phelps, was to have been built around Obama and would have included an additional cameo by action star Chuck Norris. But Norris, too, canceled because of the hurricane, and William Shatner was enlisted as his replacement. Shatner was already en route from Los Angeles via chartered airplane when Obama dropped out; the monologue was reworked so that it would still include a Shatner cameo.

"It was great of him to do it," Michaels said of Shatner. Michaels said Obama was to have returned briefly for a second appearance, during the "Weekend Update" segment, but that was obviously scuttled, too.

..."His people called and said they felt they had to shut it down because of the storm," meaning Hurricane Ike, Michaels said yesterday by phone from New York. "I pleaded with them to wait and make the decision on Saturday morning, but they felt they had to do it then. There was a sensitivity to how it would be perceived — whether he would be criticized for doing it while disaster struck."

Did he make the right decision? "It was certainly the wrong decision for me," Michaels said. "Do I think there's an oversensitivity in this area? Yes." But Michaels said he would be happy to have Obama appear on a future show, provided a good sketch can be devised. "It was an enormous disappointment," Michaels said, "but they were very pleasant about it — 'Please have us back again' and all that."

Michaels went on to reply, "Oh, we will — and can you bring your wife? We kind of need her!" No word yet on whether Obama will reschedule or whether Fey will be lured back for repeat performances, but at least one thing is known: Palin herself watched the skit while on her campaign plane. Her spokesperson Tracey Schmidt said she found the sketch "quite funny" (though McCain surrogate Carly Fiorina begged to differ), adding that Palin once dressed up as Fey for Halloween. Meta madness!

• Fey-as-Palin Wins the Early Vote On 'SNL' [Washington Post]

The video, after the jump:

You’ve played quite a few real-life people now. Would you like to play Hillary Clinton in the movie of her life?
No. I’ve been around her and don’t find her… At this point, to say after what’s happened to her campaign and how they squandered all that money and all the different reasons her campaign fell apart, to blame it on sexism, I find so destructive to every young girl who dreams about making a difference through government. Instead of saying, "Look how far I’ve gotten and you can do it too," and all the positive things she could have done, she’s turned into such a blamer and whiner, as if that was the reason, when clearly she wouldn’t have been in the position she was in if she hadn’t been a woman.

If she hadn’t been married to that man and hadn’t had the Democratic machine behind her. To now turn around and say it was sexism I find so dishonorable and really destructive to women all over, young women all over. So I don’t really respect her enough to want to play her, and I find it sad and disappointing.

And now the most pressing question of all: What are your thoughts on the upcoming MTV remake of Rocky Horror?
They haven’t talked to me about their plans, so I don’t know what their rationale is to do it again. I really don’t know anything about it. I don’t quite understand what they would do to make it more charming or interesting. Certainly people could sing better than I could — that could be something that could change. But part of the charm of it, I thought, was that it was done sort of low-budget. So unless it’s done huge and very different I don’t know the point of remaking it.

Perhaps Sarandon is missing an opportunity to conflate both ideas: a Rocky Horror remake in which a garter-clad Barack Obama resurrects Hillary Clinton (wearing a gold lamé pantsuit) could be just the topical spin the property needs! With Sarandon as Clinton, LL Cool J as Barack Obama, and Rihanna and Chris Brown as young lovers Janet and Brad, we smell a midnight movie classic that could last from November 5 to all eternity.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Doris's Day [The Advocate]

Here's Lane on Kim Cattrall:

Samantha’s efforts to signal her appeal, which might have seemed languorous on the small screen, are blown up here into an embarrassing semaphore: thudding closeups of her slurping through a cocktail straw or swallowing a mouthful of guacamole. No self-respecting maker of soft erotica would countenance such shots, and, as for the matching dialogue (“Something just came up,” Samantha murmurs over the phone, as her boyfriend stands beside her in bulging briefs), it’s a straight lift from flaccid, mid-period James Bond.

And here's his take on Tina Fey in Baby Mama:

[Fey's character] Kate stalks around bare-legged in skirts that lurch to a halt two inches above the knee, which is a length that Christy Turlington would struggle to carry off. It’s possible that Fey, like other television stars, is unused to being framed in full length, and, though in complete command of her delivery—dry, spiky, but unthreatening—she hasn’t yet made up her mind how funny her body is meant to be. She isn’t big enough to make a joke of her ripeness, like Bette Midler, but she’s no Lily Tomlin, either. She could do worse than steal a trick from Lucille Ball—a lovely, elegant figure who taught herself to be graceless.

It seems that Lane has a problem with women of a certain age being sexual on the big screen; he can take mature sexuality in the bowdlerized form he sees on television, but once those over-30 legs are stalking around, larger than life on celluloid, he must object.

But Lane's female problem is nothing when you read Timothy Noah's comparison of Carrie Bradshaw and Hillary Clinton in Slate. Basically, Noah posits that the older white women who watched the SatC movie are the same ones who voted for Hillary, and went to see the movie because they were bummed about Hillary's primary loss. "By this past weekend, however, it was becoming clear to all but the most delusional Hillary supporters that the game was up. Sisterhood was powerful, but in this case it wouldn't prevail. That realization left a lot of white women all dolled up with nowhere to go. And so … they went to the movies," Noah writes. "The connection, I'll grant you, is somewhat glib," he adds…glibly. So glib, in fact, that it makes no sense whatsoever.

Even with all the punditry, the Sex and the City movie's popularity at this point, is similar to the appeal of the much-loved SatC-approved Magnolia Bakery cupcake. You have to wait on long lines to consume it; it is full of saccharine and empty calories; you might feel a little sick to your stomach when it's over, but you were happy to let yourself indulge, just for a little while, in a buttercream fantasy. And once it's out of your small intestine, you forgot it ever existed.

Sexism And The City [Newsweek]
The New Yorker Turns “Sex And The City” Gals Into Monsters, All Of Them [Best Week Ever]
Carrie [New Yorker]
Switching Places [New Yorker]
Hillary And The City [Slate]

Earlier: Sarah Jessica Parker Squeals In Dismay Over Time Out New York Cover

It is incomprehensible to me that Mrs. Clinton can seriously be touting the notion, with the support of the punditocracy of CNN and Fox, that she is leading in the popular vote and should therefore be seriously considered as the most electable candidate in the November election. ...

[W]hat about us? What about the American people? Haven't we had enough of Mrs. Clinton's mad antics in her pursuit of the realization of venal personal ambition; her "say anything, do anything, no matter what" effort to manipulate our all too willing media to gull this country's populace into believing that her wretched illegitimacy is indeed legitimate. How much mendacity do we have to suffer, how much brazenness do we have to swallow before someone, anyone, has the decency, the common sense, to relieve us of this terrible trifle, this pathetic madness?

Such vitriol — from a Canadian! Anyway, if you're reading this, Kiefer, your Dad's OK. You can pick him up at Arianna's.

• Hillary's Popular Vote Notion only 'Popular' with the Punditocracy [HuffPo]

Clinton Supporter Pressures Pelosi Over White House Battle [CNN via TPM]

Adding to the potential domestic disputes this news might cause at Casa Pitt/Jolie, the NY Daily News reported back in October that Brad had attempted to endorse Obama's campaign by announcing his support and donating money, but was flat out rejected. As the News said at the time, "Obama's advisers felt Pitt was 'a great guy,' but they didn't want their candidate - who already has the endorsements of Pitt pals George Clooney and Matt Damon - to appear to be 'too Hollywood.'" Whether or not the familial relations change Brad and Angie's political choices, we found the Society's discovery regarding other star members of the Clinton brood even more intriguing: Madonna, Alanis Morrissette and Celine Dion. Perhaps Hill should officially change her campaign theme song to "My Heart Will Go On"? Considering that it won an Oscar, it certainly couldn't hurt!

• BRAD PITT RELATED TO BARACK OBAMA, ANGELINA JOLIE TO HILLARY CLINTON [Us]
• BARACK OBAMA CAMP ELECTS NOT TO USE BRAD PITT [NYDN]

From where could such a misguided act of campaign desperation have originated? Why, Hollywood, of course! Towleroad spoke to the "two gay filmmakers" responsible for it, screenwriter/director John Krokidas and producer Bruce Cohen:

Towleroad: How do you respond to those who might twist it into a negative thing?

While the piece does profess real reasons we believe Hillary to be the stronger Democratic candidate for president, it is also a satire of your typical politics-as-usual campaign endorsement ad. We have Jack Nicholson, the iconic bad-boy of Hollywood, standing up and voicing his support for a presidential candidate. How can you not make a spot with him that doesn't reflect all of his devilish charm and wit?

While the Nicholson ad probably sounded more fun on paper than in execution, an increasingly desperate Clinton campaign is thrilled with the attention it has received. Hoping for more unsettling celeb endorsements, they've reportedly been courting Ellen Page aggressively to tape a spot in which she expresses her long-held desire to hug the first female candidate for President of the United States with her legs.

• Anatomy of a Viral Video: Who's Behind the Nicholson - Clinton Ad? [Towleroad]

Even more shocking, however, is Gunn's frank disparagement of Hillary Clinton's personal style, which he suggests is probably better suited for a Secret Service agent nearing retirement. Siding with the impossibly pretty John Edwards that she would be best to throw her infamous pink jacket onto a small mountain of calf-length power suits and set the pile ablaze, we still doubt Gunn was suggesting the Presidential hopeful is beyond salvation. On the contrary, all she really needs is to to be locked in a room with Christian for a few hours, upon which the Project Runway frontrunner would put his bionic tailoring skills to good use, giving her a 17-piece, high-concept Three Musketeers outfit that would all but certainly tip fence-sitters into her super, super, super chic camp.

• Late Night with Conan O'Brien [NBC]

You know what strikes me as hilarious? That the media who reported on Tyra's interviews with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton kept referring to it as "historic." Well, that's not exactly what's so funny to me. The funny part is that by "historic," surely they mean that presidential candidates are using different tactics to reach out to certain demographics, and that by going on the Tyra show, they are actually showing that they give a shit about getting the vote of women 18 - 34 years old. But the thing is, I have this sneaking suspicion that Tyrant thinks it's "historic" because a model is being taken seriously. Kinda like how Diane Sawyer went from beauty queen to TV journalist. I mean, that's what I'd like to believe that Tyra is thinking. I mean, perhaps if I had a crystal ball...

But I'm no mind reader. And even if I were, I seriously doubt my ESP would be strong enough to cut through that weave. Speaking of weaves! Let's get to it.

That's a straight up wig, right? And she has some baby hairs covering up that lace front. But I think this is one of those "medical wigs" that she tried to give to Bianca after they effed up her makeover and had to shave her head. It even has a fake part and fake roots.

Tyra—predictably!—asked Hillary about body image and past hair 'dos. To be fair, though, the hair thing is kinda interesting.

And for the "Never Been Asked" segment—in which Tyra asks guests questions that they've probably actually been asked before, or questions that are so retarded that other people would be too embarrassed to ask them—Tyra asked Hillary if she knows how to text message, and whether she would rather be a contestant on American Idol, Dancing with the Stars or ANTM. (Yes, she knows how to text, and she'd rather be on DWTS.)

You know, the whole high brow/low brow thing—I get it. I mean, I can't fault Tyra for asking a question about reality television, since it's pretty much my life, and since I'm a girl who rarely ventures beyond the borders of the lower, left-hand corner of New York's approval matrix. And trust me, I'm happy there and feel no shame about it. To me, there's no such thing as a guilty pleasure.

But it's like, when you have this opportunity to make a difference in a rather large way, like delivering an audience to a political candidate, isn't there some sort of responsibility to ask at least one tough question? Or to find out plans or policies or views or something? And that's ultimately what really bothers me about this interview (besides the fact that it was boooooooring). For instance, I know for a fact that Tyra's audience was really interested in the whole abortion issue, a topic that she's way too chickenshit to ever tackle properly. But take a look at all the pro-life crap on her message boards regarding the Hillary interview.

Whatever. I'll leave you with this picture of Barabara Walters' dog Cha Cha. Happy Blue Monday!

Earlier: "Live" From New York: It's Hillary Clinton On Tyra
Tyra Interviews Barack Obama, Invites Herself To Spend The Night At The White House

"As you are well aware, the epidemic of childhood obesity is worsening day by day, leading to higher risks of diabetes, heart disease and several forms of cancer," the actor wrote Monday in a personal letter to Clinton and each of her fellow senators. "I know that you share my concern about this crucial issue."

"As a parent," Baldwin continued, "I see firsthand the challenges of keeping children focused on healthful foods. These challenges are made all the more difficult by federal policies that keep high-cholesterol, high-sugar foods all too plentiful in schools...

"There has never been a more urgent time to take action."

By positioning himself as a concerned parent, Baldwin might as well have shaved a giant target into his thicket of torso hair: Few of us will ever forget the recorded tirade in which he accused his preteen daughter of being a "rude, thoughtless little pig"—a particularly unfortunate choice of pejorative given the issues at hand. Still, to diminish in any way Baldwin's sincere efforts on behalf of America's overgrowing kids simply because of a few misplaced sentiments spoken in the heat of the straight-to-voicemail moment seems to us counterproductive. To silence his opponents, might we humbly suggest Baldwin revisit the cast of inner-city tenement dwellers he introduced so brilliantly on a recent 30 Rock, allowing Tracy Jordan's warring parents and the irascible neighbor Mrs. Rodriguez to describe for themselves on the floor of the U.S. Senate the dangers of bringing fatty and sugary foods into the nation's school cafeterias.

• Alec Baldwin to Hillary Clinton: Help fight child obesity [NY Daily News]

On today's show, Hillary Clinton put in her time, performing admirably in the face of Barbara Walters' line of questioning about her "polarizing" nature (it's times like these we most miss Rosie, who would've just blurted out, "Let's not sugarcoat it, Babs. Does it bother you when people say you're a cold bitch?"). But the otherwise unflappable Clinton did seem a little uncomfortable when pregnant co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck, revisiting an explosive issue that had once driven her from the set in tears, kept insisting that the senator rub her swollen stomach while addressing her position in the abortion debate.

• The View [ABC.com]

• Obama, Clinton Compete For Gay Donors At West Hollywood Hotspots [HuffPo]