Duff had launched a Tween Army defensive in the propaganda war against Dunaway, who'd previously wondered why producers couldn't "get a real actress" for the forthcoming The Story of Bonnie and Clyde. But it proved to be an untenable attack ("I think it was a little unnecessary but I might be mad if I looked like that now too"), crushed by Dunaway's legend and other wintry conditions that forced Duff to stand down in time for today's Bonnie Hunt Show:

"[Dunaway] started acting way later than I did so I think I have time to grow and grow with each project. I am learning and work hard at my craft."

Bonnie comforts Hilary and says, "I think even Faye went through a time, if you look historically, where some people might have said that about her. She has great beauty but she proved herself."

Duff admits that what she said was mean but says, "It's not OK for people to take stabs at you and to say mean things for no reason."

We don't know what the ensuing Cold War period will bring, but even the flimsiest of olive branches is to be commended with so much at stake for moviegoers worldwide. May that other great superpower Warren Beatty uphold their peace, sparing Duff's Clyde Barrow-reviving co-star a similar, "I take dumps bigger than Kevin Zegers" indignity in the crucial months ahead.

• The Bonnie Hunt Show

Instead, look to E!'s Daily 10, which sought the starlet's reaction to mildly critical comments — "Couldn't they at least cast a real actress?'' — attributed last week to original Bonnie Faye Dunaway. Clearly the Oscar-winner has some catching up to do with the glimmering Duff canon, but it's now evident that the young performer doesn't plan to wait around for that enlightenment:

Regarding comments Dunaway made about Duff not being a “real actress” in the new The Story of Bonnie and Clyde, Duff says: “I think that my fans that are going to go see the movie don't even know who she is, so you know…. I think it was a little unnecessary but I might be mad if I looked like that now too."

Whoa, Hilary. The plastic surgery card? Not nice — and quite possibly a self-destructive tactical error for a young lady who has the dirty bomb that is Agent Cody Banks sitting out unprotected for anyone who wants to detonate it. Not that Dunaway will stop there; expect her also to retroactively invoke a use for wire hangers if and/or when she gets the chance. This is war.

• 'Daily 10' [E!]

Duff and Kevin Zegers are locked in for the title roles in The Story of Bonnie and Clyde, an indie revision of the gangster love story immortalized 42 years ago by Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty in, you know, Bonnie and Clyde. That one won two Oscars, made Beatty's multi-hyphenate reputation, and revolutionized the depiction of violence with its bloody, climactic slo-mo ambush sequence.

This one? We're not sure; the optimist in us would like to believe Duff and Zegers' post-Disney angst will nicely complement their Depression-era crime spree. But really, we'd just be happy with Duff's requisite closing-title story-song eschewing Autotune and avoiding the imminent chorus rhyming "love" with "above." Any costume and art departments with a budget should be able to plug up the gaps from there.

• Hilary Duff set for 'Bonnie and Clyde' [Variety]

· Kevin James's interstitial return to CBS Mondays will promote his new film Paul Blart: Mall Cop, a savvy network move reminding Charlie Sheen, Neil Patrick Harris, Jason Segel and other stars the dark future lying in wait for Monday-night defectors. [Variety]
· Should you have any money remaining when the New Depression hits bottom, Hollywood will have some feel-good movies at the ready for you. [LAT]
· Welcome to The Most Historic Inauguration of Your Lifetime, with your host... Nick Cannon? [Variety]
· American Cinema Editors announced their 2008 Eddie Award nominees, including Slumdog Millionaire, The Dark Knight, Benjamin Button, etc. etc., you know the drill by now. [THR]

After the jump: What surely-no-longer-virginal Disney Channel star is about to get her own show on a tanking network?

· Hilary Duff has signed a talent and development deal with NBC. They plan on building a new series around the star, tentatively titled, Law & Order: Hilary Duff Unit. [THR]
· HD consumers prefer Blu-ray 10-to-1 over other -ray Colorz. [THR]

• Sykes', Duff's "So Gay" Fight: The Videos! [Queerty]
• [thinkb4youspeak.com]

He has no idea what is going on in my life because i have chosen not to involve him in it- His recent attack on my life and my loved ones is simply for an ADDICTION THAT HE HAS- FAME. Why he feels the need to comment on anything in my life that i may want to keep private, is beyond comprehension- If he really cared about me and my life, then he would learn to respect my wishes by staying out of it...

I'm not going to engage any further, though i probably could go on...

I have said enough, i have a therapist, and it is not the the camera man at x17.

Wait, who is this woman and what has she done with Lindsay Lohan? Has the sometime-actress really gained such a clear perspective on fame and her own relationship to it? Perhaps she's settling down after all — in which case, she'll take no schadenfreude in the fact that Hilary Duff's father was just thrown in jail for refusing to pay his half of Hilary's upcoming 21st birthday. Says People:

As deputies handcuffed her ex, Susan Duff gasped and, according to a report in the Houston Chronicle, said, "This isn't what I wanted."

What did she want? The star's mom was demanding $25,000 to fund a party and gift for Hilary's 21st birthday on Sept. 28.

"I know he's a millionaire, and he's got the funds," Susan testified earlier. She added that Hilary was "emotionally upset by the abandonment of her father." (Ultimately the judge ruled that Bob had to hand over $12,500 for the bash.)

Couple these developments with the recent abuse arrest of Hayden Panettiere's father, then add a dash of general unseemliness from Jessica Simpson's manager/father Joe, and you may wonder: is there any young starlet in Hollywood who actually has a dad she can depend on? To the new guard of Demi, Selena, and the rest, we issue this stern warning: if your fathers are currently shopping at Kitson and getting age-inappropriate dye jobs at Warren Tricomi, you'd best nip it in the bud right away. Your 21st birthday might seem like a great time to emancipate yourself, but that sort of celebrity dad will never emancipate himself from your purse strings.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Lindsay Lohan Slams Dad for Dissing Sam Ronson [Us]
• Hilary Duff's Dad Jailed for 10 Days [People]

The Accused: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Denigrating a woman's looks for not being stereotypically "feminine"
The Evidence: "Can't she get that fixed??? Rumer Willis, aspiring "actress", attended the 2008 Crystal Lucy Women in Film Awards in Los Angeles on Tuesday night. Seriously, isn't there surgery where you can shave down your jaw??? We're sure some trannys have gotten it done to make themselves look more "feminine." Plastic surgery is not always a bad thing. Rumer should look into it! And, while she's there, she might wanna get her nose done too!" What did Rumer Willis ever do to Perez? She is a constant target for him — he takes every possible opportunity to criticize her for no reason. His continued denigration of alternative sexuality (last week: dissing Samantha Ronson, this week, implying Rumer Willis is a "tranny") make his gay-rights advocacy totally suspect. Apparently he only wants respect and rights for himself not for the actual community.
The Punishment: A kick in the nards from Rumer's dad, Bruce. He looks like he does not suffer fools gladly.

The Accused: Hollywood Tuna
The Crime: Equating bisexuality/stripping with prostitution.
The Evidence:"Here’s Tila Tequila rockin’ a tight purple dress like it was my birthday outside Mr. Chow’s restaurant. Now people are saying that Tila isn’t bisexual and making a big deal about it. But let me tell you something, every girl I’ve ever met who was willing to take their clothes off for money was also willing to dyke out for money too. So enough with this nonsense that she’s a fake. Girl is open for business." I'm no fan of Ms. Tequila's but the assumption that she is gay for pay is just tasteless.
The Punishment: Having to watch 72 straight hours of Ms. Tequila's A Shot of Love, Clockwork Orange-style, with eyes forced open the entire time.

The Accused: What Would Tyler Durden Do?
The Crime: Felony body snarking
The Evidence: "Top fitness experts recommend hot dogs for breakfast, and it must be the key to how Hilary Duff has shed her unwanted sexiness for a more lumpy and waddling figure. As you can see here when she met her mom for breakfast at Papoos hot dog stand in Toluca Lake yesterday. Damn. This chick used to be so cute. Now she looks like she’s halfway through a sex change. " Ugh. Hilary Duff, like every other goddamn woman, has weight fluctuations. So effing what. She is still adorable and you can fuck off.
The Punishment: Must live on hot dogs and hot dogs alone for 3 weeks.

The Accused: Yeeah
The Crime: misdemeanor body snarking
The Evidence: "Real girls eat meat. And — from the looks of Jessica Simpson here — also donuts and Hershey bars and double-potato fritattas. Saddle on up, fatty!" Sigh. See what we said about Hilary Duff. Also: fuck off.
The Punishment: Jessica Simpson's cowboy boot inserted directly in anus.

The Accused: Our old pal, Drunken Stepfather
The Crime: Raging homophobia, sexism, racism, probably a bunch of -isms that haven't been invented yet.
The Evidence: A reader recently reached out and told me that they wanted some Matthew McConaughey news, I didn’t really know why but assumed it was because the reader was a poofter and into dudes and wanted some pics to get of to because he thought McConaughey had a rockin’ bod or some shit, so I told the motherfucker that I don’t want no faggots ’round here and tied him to the back of a pick-up truck like he was a black dude from the south and drove for 18 miles. I am just kidding, I only went 10 miles, but dude won’t be asking me for no faggot pictures anymore…[H]ere is Matthew McConaughey wasted and having an amazing time in Central America doing what I do best without the obesity, anger, puke covered shirt or fingers inside an unsuspecting passed out whore. All while leaving his pregnant maid back at home because you can’t give her preferential treatment just for letting you plant seed in her, the other maids will revolt and then no one would be there to cook dinner, clean the Air Stream or do the laundry…" Look, we understand that the Drunken Stepfather says outrageous things on purpose in order to rile people up. But it's unfunny, it's tired, and it's mostly just sad. Putting on an over-the-top racist persona in order to get attention is actually fucking pathetic.
The Punishment: Being miniaturized and having to hang out in Matthew's reportedly unwashed armpit for all eternity.

Want to report a Crime Against Womanity? Send the link to tips@jezebel.com with "Missdemeanors" in the subject line.

Lindsay Lohan v. Hilary Duff: As silly, catty and pointless as the battle for waste of space Aaron Carter was back in 2003, freckle-faced Lindsay Lohan and healthy Hilary Duff spent years exchanging passive-aggressive jabs aimed at each other via bad songs, magazine interviews, and of course, endless false claims that things were Totally Cool! between the two. The feud was memorably spoofed in this 2004 SNL clip in which Lindsay assures the world there's no truth to her feuds with Duff (as portrayed by Rachel Dratch).

Lauren Conrad v. Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Conrad vs. Heidi Montag: After spending a few shameful years with our eyes glued to the insanely gorgeous cast of MTV's Laguna Beach, the series ended its wildly successful run with a focus on the brewing animosity between good girl LC and bad girl with bigger boobs Kristin Cavallari. Over an irritatingly boring boy, of course. But Lauren Conrad's girl trouble didn't stop there. Along with the rumored cat pee-based tension between Lauren and silicone-enhanced roommate Audrina Patridge on The Hills, the entire point of the show has always circled around her hatred of hip hop star/runaway bride of Frankenstein, Heidi Montag. High-pitched screaming fights both seen on-camera and gossiped about endlessly off-camera, have been reported for what feels like centuries. And yet, and yet...how to look away?

Shannen Doherty v. Entire Beverly Hills: 90210 Cast: Doherty landed the career-changing part of Brenda Walsh in 1990 at the age of 19, and almost as soon as the epic series wrapped its first few episodes, rumors were rampant that her on-screen catty demeanor was not a result of magnificent acting. After just four years, Brenda’s character was shipped off to Paris and replaced by the sexier Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. Why? Long story short, Doherty made a series of bizarre decisions off-camera: trashing hotel rooms, adding two quickie marriages followed by two quickie divorces to her personal resume, giving paparazzi the bird, and most memorably, appearing in uncomfortably unsexy nudie spreads in Playboy.

• DISNEY STAR SELENA GOMEZ: I'M NOT FEUDING WITH MILEY [People]

”Joel Madden spent a boozy night partying with Lindsay...Their heads were practically touching, and he had his leg over hers.”

As delighted as we are that recent gossip about Lohan has involved nudity and boys rather than drugs and DUIs, her fetish for robbing frenemies of their boyfriends is a long-standing Lohanism. We look back at some of her most classic crimes of passion after the jump.

We tend to think Lohan's habit of man-theft all started with that infamous catfight she had with Hilary Duff over Aaron Carter (yes, really, there was a time when he was the cat's pajamas) , who supposedly cheated on Lohan with the blonde teenybopper. But that one incident hardly justifies Lindsay's rap sheet since then:

May 2006: It's hard to feel bad for fellow seductress Paris Hilton, but her lovey dovey relationship with Stavros Niarchos (what ever happened to that guy by the way?) came to an abrupt end after Lohan was spotted "dirty dancing" with him at a club.
October 2007: After pissing off Paris, Lindsay took her fetish up a notch while in rehab, where she met and began dating snowboarder Riley Giles. The only problem? He was engaged to some poor girl in Utah at the time.
January 2008: And as recently as January, Lohan was linked to Adrian Grenier while big-bottomed girl Kim Kardashian was allegedly dating the Entourage star.

February 2008: Just one month later, Lindsay brought out her Paris-hating claws once again, managing to win the fight over girly song-singer James Blunt.

• NICOLE RICHIE CRUSHED AFTER CATCHING JOEL MADDEN WITH LINDSAY LOHAN [Star]

Cusack, in the latest of a seemingly endless (and psychologically curious) string of hitman roles, plays Hauser, a typically troubled assassin whose inner psyche is so dead that he resorts to downing shot glasses of hot sauce in order to feel anything. His latest mission, at the behest of Tamerlane — a Halliburton-type corporation run by a Dick Cheney-like former vice president (Dan Aykroyd) — is to assassinate a Middle Eastern oil minister named Omar Sharif (an example of the film's humor) who is threatening to undercut their plans to build an oil pipeline in the wartorn country of Turaqistan. — Frank Scheck, The Hollywood Reporter

He also encounters a reporter for The Nation (Marisa Tomei!), a Central European pop tart named Yonica Babyyeah (Hillary Duff) who drops a scorpion down her pants and a hysterical double-agent (played by Cusack's real-life sister Joan running the trade show that serves as Cusack's cover — featuring a chorus line of amputees with high-tech prosthetic limbs. And I haven't mentioned Sir Ben Kingsley, sporting another one of his eccentric American accents, as a Big Brother-like character. — Lou Lumenick, NY Post

Films like this and Redacted and Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? exist to make their makers feel good about their own political correctness, and content that their razor-thin world views are accurate and viable, when in fact they represent a tiny fraction of the bigger picture. This is not activism—this is self-congratulation. — Karina Longworth, Spout Blog

It gets worse from there, but again, we'd prefer to think of Cusack as we remember him: a tasteful man whose recent lapses into treacle and trash (Martian Child, John? Really?) warrant a Sure Thing sequel or, better yet, the prompt franchising of Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything Else. It's not like Cameron Crowe couldn't use the boost himself.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

As we previously reported, the first cast member to join the Walsh-esque "Mills" family was 22-year old Dustin Milligan, who'll play the Dylan-y role of too-cool-for-the-cool-crowd Ethan. Which is fine, if not exciting, because he's cute and shaggy-haired and Canadian. Priestley was Canadian, so here's hoping. And last week, we learned that uber-fox AnnaLynne McCord of Nip/Tuck signed on to play Naomi, who's (surprise) "hot and rich." We're guessing she's an updated Kelly Taylor.

But before we get to Duff, it must be repeated that none other than Pregnant Belly Model Tori Spelling has repeatedly expressed interest in returning to the one show that, well, anyone remembers her being in. Unfortunately for the knocked-up inn keeper, producers have instead decided to go with Jennie Garth, who's rumored to reprise her original character, having morphed from a potential model to a...high school fashion teacher? What a success story. And finally, news that Hilary Duff will possibly star in the series as an emo-loving theater chick who just can't help being "cute as a button." Now if only Joe E. Tata (aka The Pit's "Nat") could pop in as some kind of elderly homeless dude who spends his time on Sunset dishing out prophecies and tales of the "good old times" to the new West Bev kids, we're officially booking this show into our regular Tivo schedule stat.

• EXCLUSIVE! HILARY DUFF TO STAR IN NEW '90210'? [E! News]

The slant of this writer's handwriting is basically straight up and down, an indication that she thinks first and acts later, at least most of the time. Yet there are times when the slant is somewhat to the left (introverted and little sharing of deepest feelings) and to the right (responsive emotionally). There is an immaturity about the inconsistency of the writing that is probably because she is so young (just 20).

Her printing indicates she wants to be understood clearly by others, and the printing (rather than cursive) is her way of doing that. But at times her writing intertwines with letters above and below, which indicates a tendency to occasional confusion.

She is very intuitive (she jumps over several steps of logical reasoning to come to trustworthy conclusions) which speeds up her naturally methodical method of thinking. She is not a deep prober; she takes matters as they are and deals with them, much of the time with "gut" instincts.

The straight down-strokes of the "y" formation indicate that she is essentially a "loner" who, while she can be with others, actually prefers to be alone.

Her goals are very practical, and she sets them where she knows she can reach them. She has no particular interest in stretching for pie in the sky, nor does she take the easiest way out.

The close, round dots over her letters "i" indicate both loyalty (not that often seen) and strict attention to details. She holds on tightly to what she believes in (see final hooks on the "f's" of her last name) but not to the point of stubbornness; she is open-mined and will allow new ideas into her mind without hindrance by preconceptions.

She is very direct and does not like to waste time (no wind-up strokes on any letters).

Now and then you see a partly formed lower loop on her "g" formations, a sign that she has the ability to generate creative ideas, but seldom follows entirely through with them.

She has the ability to speak expressively, but more significantly she knows how to listen, which is probably a key to her early success.

Earlier: Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry
Cosmo Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted
Cosmo Cover Girl Jessica Alba: Emotionally Unavailable, Intuitive, Creatively-Unfulfilled

[T]he image of the 76-year-old Clark was taken before his December 2004 stroke and superimposed onto a recently taken picture of Duff and Seacrest.

The "Photoshopping" spurred rumors that the ageless celebrity hasn't recovered from the stroke and may be unable to properly perform his annual year-end duties on Saturday night, New Year's Eve.

A spokesman for Clark and ABC bosses denied those rumors yesterday. [...]

"There's no secret," [longtime Clark publicist Paul Shefrin] said. "This sort of thing is done all the time in publicity photos. It's just that Dick didn't sit for a new photo shoot, so they used an older photo.

"Look, when you're shown a picture of King Kong, there really is no King Kong but that doesn't stop people from running a photo of him with Naomi Watts."

With that, Shefrin breaks the publicist's golden rule of never saying too much. Had he quit while he was ahead, we very well may have bought his scheduling conflict story. But he just had to throw in the Kong thing, and suddenly, it dawned on us: Your children, and your children's children, will grow up with Dick Clark. It may take the world's top genetic scientists and animatronic engineers working together, around the clock, with nothing more than a salvaged ear in a bell jar, but make no mistake, Clark will be with us forever, counting back from ten to infinite.

• 'DOCTORED' DICK [NY Post]

“I called her last week, and I was like, ‘Do you wanna hang out?’ And her sister hung up the phone on me!” Lohan told the magazine Australian. “I don’t like having enemies ... and there’s the saying, keep your friends close but your enemies closer.”

Those Duffs better watch their backs. Don't they know that Lohan's dad is doing time? A couple of well-placed phone calls, and Hils might find herself with a Suge Knight-style limp, or if there's another unfortunate telephone incident, wake up with sister Haylie's severed head in her bed.

• Lohan says Duff rebuffed her peace attempt [MSNBC.com]