Part of High School Musical line of Christmas decorations, every Troy Bolton collectible tin ornament is filled with delicious fruity candy, and, paired with the locker ornament that plays "We're All In This Together" when opened (an actual product) and an Ashley Tisdale topper angel, will make for an HSM-themed tree that will be the envy of the neighborhood.

The site OceanUP has published pictures of both stars accommodating a fan in what appears to be a very unlikely location: a sex shop. Never did we think that leaked Zac Efron dildo pictures would emerge in quite this way! Here at Defamer's West Coast branch, we've put our innocent minds on the line to ID all the sex paraphernalia the Disney stars have been photographed with (trust us, the downright filthy NYC office would have had everything diagnosed and purchased online within five minutes). Won't you help us out?

• Zac Efron Vanessa Hudgens SEX Store [OceanUp]

It was a good run while it lasted! For years Tara Reid, an actress whose only talent was to remind you of that one babysitter you had that used to sneak menthol cigarettes in the back yard, made a whole career out of dousing herself in Blue Curacao and setting herself ablaze. Lindsay Lohan, a slightly more chaste version of that same babysitter, became famous not really for her roles in movies like Mean Girls and A Prairie Home Companion, but for her hard partying, her various automobile accidents, her splendiferous fire crotch. Sure she eventually banked steeply, the left side of her fuselage ripping off, and exploded over the Andes, but it was a glorious journey for a while. And these ladies, along with Paris Hilton and every dim bulb heir to something or other boy who creaked after them, helped create a new industry of Perez Hilton bloggasm and InTouch magazine shriekery. Everyone was dancing and dancing as fast as they could, spinning themselves into Butter and then suddenly! Poof! It feels kinda over, right?

For one, the economy is in the pile of shit that's buried under the shitter. And to mirror that, Poor Tara is doing sad, "mistakes were made" magazine interviews. Lindsay Lohan is comfortably dating a deejay named Samantha Ronson (yes, dear readers, that's a woman! Maybe they'll get "married!" Keep reading Page Six to find out more!) and she's partying like a lot, lot less than she was before. And Britney is making a quiet little comeback and caring for her kids as best she can (one of them almost exploded last night, but whatevs). Doesn't it seem kind of passe now, all of that crazed going out and drunken slurring for the wobbly cameras of TMZ? It does to us! All the celebrities these days are about causes and whatnot, and so what if it's just bandwagon trendiness. If it means less reality shows about dumb idiots getting their hair dyed and chewing gum and more about people with jobs, then we're OK with it. These are very troubled days, and (finally!) the jewel encrusted partying doesn't just seem silly, it seems irresponsible and unforgivably tacky. Which means, maybe, that the terrible Perez and TMZ monsters will be slain by this economic Bellerophon once and for all and we Gawker people will just start offering tips on, like, urban gardening or something (I know a guy). They've been the ones fueling this whole wickedness. They should go first.

For further proof, just look at the mega success of the most recent High School Musical movie, which opened in actual movie theaters this time and has raked in $75 million in just three weeks. It's a rolling-up-the-sleeves tale of good kids being good and putting on a show. There's nary a swear, swill, or sex moan to be seen or heard in the squeaky/freaky clean enterprise. And for once that kinda feels OK! At its frizzy, tired, Cheez Whizzy heart, that party culture felt awfully cynical and lazy. Though there's plenty to be cynical about these days, there is also, um, Hope! and Change! and the chance—for the first time, I'd argue—for the younger generations to begin the work of making their mark, of rubbing Tom Brokaw's nose in it and saying "there's no Greatest, Tom. They're all Great in their own way."

So—maybe a little early, there's probably some defrib still to be done—we're calling it: the greasy rococo party culture of the early aughts is dead and gone. Replaced by a new can-do, a spirit of hope, change, lesbian relationships, shuddering babies, and reality shows about people doing things. Not quite a Brave New World, sure, but it's something.

1. High School Musical 3 - $15.035 million
Every sweeping social movement in this country's history came with its own stirring soundtrack, from "Yankee Doodle" to "Amazing Grace" to Joan Baez singing "We Shall Overcome" to a field of rain-soaked Woodstock participants. And as we too now stand at the crossroads of hope and progress, we can think of no better accompaniment than East High's eunuch basketball team singing "Now or Never." The times, they are indeed a-changin'.

2. Zack and Miri Make a Porno - $10.682 million
As we predicted, the Seth Rogen comedy fell about $4 million shy of the HSM kids. (Who, it should be pointed out, had already explored that topic well over a year ago, when tweens still found the DIY-porn-thing cool.) The blame-flinging begins momentarily, in a heated phone exchange between Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Smith, the beleaguered Weinstein Company head shouting, "You just HAD to tell the toilet story, didn't you? Because when people want to forget their problems for a few hours with a laugh and perhaps a glimpse of some Elizabeth Banks skin, what they're really crying out for is the image of you taking a dump and shards of porcelain suddenly flying off in all directions. Bravo, Kevin. Bravo. No really. Well played, my friend," before mumbling a "Jesus Christ," and hanging up in disgust.

3. Saw V - $10.11 million
We're torn. On the one hand, we're thrilled to have Jigsaw and his little tricycle-riding puppet Billy come out against Prop 8. On the other hand, did they really have to rig the voting booths so that a bear trap clamps down on your head if you press "Yes?" Enh, why not.

4. Changeling - $9.407 million
Clint Eastwood's latest earned an average $5,085 per screen—more than any other movie in the top ten—meaning that at least a few people might have understood why you were rollerskating around Santa Monica Blvd. Friday night with some brown Cabbage Patch Dolls, a 1920s hat, red lipstick, and not much else. Everyone else just figured you were another naked freak at the parade. Either way, however, you're bound to see yourself in Frontiers magazine next week. Congrats!

5. The Haunting of Molly Hartley - $6.009 million
Chace Crawford's leap to the big screen is looking to be one of this year's big Razzie frontrunners, earning a solid 00% on Rotten Tomatoes. The movie's hormonal fanbase, however—while feeling it "dragged in spots" and could have "been scarier,"—strongly felt that the star's own performance was, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH CHACE I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Distributor Freestyle is hoping that could translate to robuts home video sales.

• October 31–November 2, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

• Zac Efron's Shower Pics Being Auctioned Off [Celebrity Mania]

I mean, really, it's not exactly a new idea. As a pathetically dedicated connoisseur of all things teenagery, I've seen bits of the whole in a million different movies and TV shows. Kids like to gawp at good looking other kids, they like music, they like dancing, they like romance, and they like more than anything else—desperately, arms pulled close to their chests, eyes tearing—to see something of themselves reflected back at them. And the first High School Musical, when it leapt onto the airwaves in the spring of 2006, combined all of those things in one sugary 90 minute sitting. (As for that last bit, I'm not saying that the denizens of East High with their bright colors and general niceness are at all real, but all kids at one point or another feel alienated and different and many, if not all, secretly want to be a surprise star. Right?) It was a bit of alchemy that is laughable in its obviousness. Why didn't anyone think of this before?

I guess someone sort of did with Grease in the 70's, which, when money is tinkered with and adjusted for inflation, is one of the most successful movies of all time. But Grease featured showtunes where HSM features pop songs. Grease had sex jokes and pregnancy scares while HSM is prêt-à-porter for Evangelical America (the romantic leads don't even kiss in the first one!) The melding of dancing, acting, and singing has made being a triple threat practically necessary in order for a dreamer to become a hero to these bebopping youngs (Generation Z?) Sure Zac Efron, who plays hunky basketball star turned, um, high school musical star Troy Bolton, didn't actually, you know, sing in the first one. But he does now! And he did in Hairspray! You've Kenny Ortega, the film's director (also directed Newsies, swoon) and company to thank for the likes of we-do-it-all! up and comers Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, and Miranda Cosgrove. (Ask your nieces and nephews to whom I'm referring.)

Oh! Hah! So what's the plot? Well the first one, like I said above, is about Troy Bolton, a doe-eyed young b-ball jock who ends up singing a romantic, upbeat poppy karaoke duet with a mysterious chica at a teen New Year's Eve party held at the ski resort where they're both staying over winter break. Then, back in Albuquerque of all places, gasp! There's the girl. Her name is Gabriella Montez and she is a transfer math and science geek. Troy has his sports, Gaby has her nerd stuff and never the twain shall meet. Except there's that nagging memory of singing among snowy peaks... Eventually they both muster up the gumption to audition for the school's spring musicale, much to the displeasure of resident star Sharpay Evans and her twinky (like they seriously go as far to make him gay as they can without having him make out with a dude) brother Ryan. The status quo is rocked—how can a jock sing and dance? how can a nerd sing, dance, and land the hottest boy in school??—and the kids sing a song about breaking out of prescribed high school molds. And, you know, in the end there's romance and everyone gets a part in the musical and whee! Happy! The second one takes place during summer vacation, and they all work at a country club. There's double crossing and a talent show and it's all deeply, deeply silly and not really worth describing other than to say that at one point Zac wanders the desert and sings a plaintive ballad. I'm still sort of laughing and shivering about that one.

The third installment, well who knows! It's got a bigger budget and like 10! new! songs! And it's sure to be a huge hit. You don't have to see it by any means, but I think it's something you should know about lest you become one of those stuffy grownups who forgets how to have mindless fun (other than like getting shitfaced and stuff which is mindless fun but not really all that wholesome. If you watch the movies while getting shitfaced, well you're just about the coolest person ever then, aren't you?) Purists be damned who say that this isn't a real musical because it's just music videos crammed into a thin plot. The success of these bubblegum fantasias allows actual pop and rock-tinged pieces of Art like recent theatrical critical darlings In The Heights and the masterful Passing Strange to find audiences where they might not have before.

So enjoy it or don't, but know that it's not going away without an elaborately-choreographed pop-and-lock dancefight. Nobody puts baby Rent in a corner. Nobody.

Boomp3.com

At the Paris premiere of the latest chapter in the exhilarating High School Musical series, hunky film star Zac Efron admitted to long time gal pal Vanessa Hudgens that she’s nearly as pretty as he is. The pint sized hunk admitted that being in the City of Lights could have had an influence on his decision to call his musical partner pretty. Efron said, “She usually looks good, but something there’s just something about tonight.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

The series is presided over by host Nick Lachey, who has apparently been directed to address the contestants as if they were kindergarteners on a field trip to the local industrial bakery. Nick: this is not a step in the right career direction. And speaking of the contestants: Where did they find this many teenage weirdos? It's like they managed to round up every junior high kid across the country who'd tell on you for drinking at a sleepover because it "just didn't sit right," dangled the promise of fame in front of them, then turned the cameras to capture their creepily eager smiles and emphatic head-nods as the world's most patronizing day camp counselor ovvverrr-eeenunnnnciiiiates a lecture about the importance of cooperation. We want to beat them up! Where's our little bendy-toy, Victoria? Ahh—there you are. Better. Much better.

• High School Musical: Get In The Picture [ABC]

Pint size hottie/High School Musical trilogy star Zac Efron learned the right way to tip on the DL while at the airport on Thursday. While Efron was all set to slip a twenty into the pocket of his sky cap (a trick he learned from watching Hollywood A-Listers like Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler), an older gentleman who happened to be nearby instead instructed the Hairspray star about the proper way to tip. The gentleman shook Efron's hand and when Efron pulled it back, he discovered a twenty in his hand. Efron was baffled and amazed by the bill and asked the man where he learned it. The gentleman explained that he caught an episode of Friends in college and the rest has been history.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pic]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

High School Musical trilogy star Ashley Tisdale appeared to be cool as cucumber after a 5.8 earthquake rocked the Los Angeles area. Tisdale admitted that she was a bit startled by the shaking in her home, but her caffeine related headache was far more painful. Tisdale said, "It was kind of like a ride at the fair, but my headache just made it unbearable to stare at lights or do anything. Earthquake or not, I need my Hazelnut. My headaches are worse than earthquake, trust me."

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

High School Musical trilogy star Vanessa Hudgens attempted to make a quick and anonymous exit from the Los Angeles area home of hunky boyfriend Zac Efron. Disguising herself in Efron's unwashed gym clothes, Hudgens assumed she'd be able to sneak away as one of Efron's friends or even as Efron himself. Yet as one photog said, "The sandals are kind of a give away, you know?"

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

· As we mentioned on our way out the door Friday, Saturday Night Lez Ellen Page is indeed dropping out of Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell due to "scheduling conflicts," the "exhaustion" equivalent of the script-hating realm. [Variety]
· High School Musical: The Reality Show is being developed for ABC, where youg contestants will be judged on such categories as singing, dancing, and their ability to bounce back from internet nudie photo scandals. [Variety]
· Ed Asner will play Paul Dano's "pot-smoking, gangsta rap-loving father" in Gigantic, in the hopes of nabbing a 2009 Honorary Alan Arkin Oscar for Outstanding Achievement Playing Lovably Outrageous Grandpa. [THR]

· The High School Musical gang has signed on for another sequel, High School Musical 3: Senior Year, which will escape from the basic cable ghetto to premiere in theaters. [Variety]
· Celine Dion: That's Just the Woman in Me, a special taped Saturday at the Wiltern will air Feb. 15 on CBS. We realize this isn't a groundbreaking announcement, but it did provide a nice excuse to run that ridiculous photo. [Variety]

"Disney finally decided that they don't want her back," an insider reveals to OK!.

"They feel that as long as Zac Efron is in the movie, all will be fine. He's the real star — the household name — and, most importantly, he comes without baggage."

While Efron might be enjoying some flash-in-the-pan heartthrob status, history has shown us time and again where that particular deal with a tweenage Satan can lead. Hudgens, meanwhile, is hardly out of the game; if she plays her cards just right, she can parlay her banishment from Disney's never-nude Eden into lucrative subsequent career-acts as an MTV VJ, E! News Correspondent, View co-panelist, Proactiv spokesperson, and Vegas magician's assistant, in that order.

UPDATE: Hudgens's people discredit the story, claim they are still in talks for HSM3.

• Curtains for Vanessa's High School Musical [OK!]

She has since reemerged upon the scene, in a network-approved, flash-resistant sequined potato sack that leaves everything but her knees to the imagination. Bucking the trend, however, is Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus, who found herself the victim of a pregnancy hoax, and has turned to Extra's cameras to defend her virtue:

Cyrus opened up about all those pregnancy rumors saying, "It's given me the street cred to say that would be impossible, because I'm living my life the way I believe is right and that is to stay pure." Cyrus does not believe in sex before marriage, she said, "No, I don't at all!"

So committed is she to saving herself for her future husband that Cyrus has already attended a father-daughter purity ball on the arm of her bemulleted cowboy dad, Billy Ray. After pledging him her undying virginity in a ring exchange ceremony, the two shared a touching line dance, in which they do-si-do'd their shared commitment to preserving Miley's purity to the familiar strains of Achy Breaky Heart.

• Miley Cyrus Lashes Out [ExtraTV.com]
• Vanessa Hudgens Makes First Post-Scandal Public Appearance [UsMagazine.com]

"I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me," said Hudgens. "I am embarrassed over this situation and regret having ever taken these photos. I am thankful for the support of my family and friends."

We're sure her public will quickly forgive her for this youthful indiscretion, knowing that in this age of self-leaked, poorly art-directed sex tapes, they're lucky that their tweens weren't prematurely ended by stumbling upon grainy night-vision footage of their hero copulating with co-star/rumored boyfriend Zac Efron while innocently surfing High School Musical fan sites.

• High School Musical Star Apologizes to Fans [ABC News]