After the announcement of today's new game show, it became apparent that NBC is destined to find the cheapest programming possible and is no longer concerned about how many viewers it can attract or making those expensive and pesky scripted shows. The future for the once-mighty station is much like that in Terminator, but before John Conner can return to the past to prevent the machines from taking over. There will be many more sad headlines out of NBC in years to come. A sample:

December 12, 2009: NBC Announces Plans to Phase Out All Scripted Programming by 2014

September 25, 2010:Heroes Promises It Will Actually, Finally Be Good This Season

October 12, 2010: The CW Surpasses NBC in Total Viewers

July 30, 2011: Jenna Bush and Kathie Lee Gifford to Host Today: Primetime

August 10, 2011: 24 Hour Fitness' Biggest Loser Nutrisystem Hour Brought To You By Cheerios Announces Lowest Series Finale in History

April 4, 2012: Original Must-See TV Lineup Returns to NBC—As Reruns

June 18, 2012: NBC Loses Last Scripted Show, 30 Rock, to the Hallmark Channel

August 4, 2012: More Americans Travel to London to Watch Olympic Games in Person Than Watch on NBC

January 23, 2013: After Jay Leno's Fatal On-Set Heart Attack, Dane Cook Prepares to Fill Nightly Hosting Duties

September 14, 2014: Saturday Night Live Attracts 200,000 Viewers, Highest Total in Three Seasons

December 12, 2014: FCC Announces It Will Finally Put an End to National Embarrassment of NBC

That's right, we will not be watching tonight's fourth season premiere, or any other episode every again. Things started off beautifully, we were young and in love with your geeky heart, winning humanity, and general sense of fun. You kept things exciting week to week and we looked forward to every time we got to make sweet sweet love to you on Monday night. We helped you save a cheerleader, and together we would save the world from loveless episodic primetime sci-fi programming. However, at the end of our first year together, you disappointed us by not giving us the kind of finale we expect. Like all the women reading Cosmo, if we're not feeling the fireworks at the climax, we're going to have to pleasure ourselves.

You registered our disappointment, and worked hard during our second year, but the thrill was gone, and you squandered what fondness we had for you on flights of fancy and floundering around trying to find which direction to go in. We wanted to leave you then, and we had our bags packed, but you said, "No, stay. I have something great in store. Next year is going to be amazing. I've turned it all around and split next year into two parts. It will make you love me again."

Like Rihanna, we believed you and came back, and you continued to hit us in the face each week, giving us black eyes of boredom, headaches of unbelievability, and a general nausea of horribleness. You forgot who you were and we muddled through it together, hoping that those honeymoon days of our young love could come back. We never even got a glimmer.

This time, when you say that you know the road has been hard, and that you're going to improve. You said you would dedicated the whole year to "Redemption," but we're just not believing you. You proposed a threeway with that lovable villain Robert Knepper, who warmed our loins for the years during Prison Break, and said you would take us to the circus, and we were tempted. But then we remembered all the horrible things you did to us last year, and that we would much rather play with a bunch of girls and gossip than try to save the world with you.

We're sick and tired of your weak lies of improvement. At this point, you've spent more time being horrible than being great. So, sorry Heroes, you're on your own this year. Thanks for the memories, but it's over.

Mena, who works at Kardashian's retail store, insists that Kardashian should be showered with praise for keeping the baby. Rather than getting an abortion, Kardashian's letting the world ogle at her obstetrical adventure. And this deserves our praise!

The fact that Kourtney puts everything out there about her pregnancy for the world to know makes her more of a role model. It's realistic and it's the truth, and for a young girl going through the same thing — forgetting to the take the pill, considering abortion — it's nice to know Kourtney is someone a person can look up to in the public eye.

Hmm. Well, okay. Yes, Kardashian, we suppose, should get a thumbs up for her bravery — being pregnant's scary! — but we'd hardly call her a "role model." She's just a girl who got knocked up and decided to keep it. Did anyone, other than social conservatives, call Bristol Palin a role model? No. The tabloids dumped on her and turned her into a political side show. Or, at the very least, a distraction.

As for this business of young women looking up to Kardashian: the last thing we need is an army of Jonas Brother loving ladies running around with tiny people growing inside of them. But, that said, Kourtney's an adult, makes her own money and definitely has a support system in place to help her care for this child. We won't call her a role model, but we won't castigate her for getting all bred and shit.

Feeling bad for the museum, the Hollywood Foreign Press Time Warner Cable (who's teamed up with Ovation TV) have looked within their entertainment-loving hearts and are each donating give the museum $75,000 to keep the 40-year old program alive. And, as if that's not enough, Time Warner and Ovation are spending $1.5 million to market the program to the masses.

For its part, the Hollywood Foreign Press was "persuaded" by an open letter penned by Martin Scorsese.

So, rest easy, for the program's safe — well, for now: museum officials say they have enough money to last through the 2010 fiscal year. After that? Who knows...

Image via pedrosimoes7's flickr.

You fool! It was announced yesterday that Werner Herzog's remake of the famous Harvey Kietel peen-flashing crime drama, The Bad Lieutenant, will premiere at the Toronto film festival in September! Lieutenant will be featured along with new films by the Coen Bros and Michael Moore. The original 1992 bad-cop-gets-worse flick is credited for deftly capturing New York's signature 1980's grit and for giving Harvey Keitel his 'Serious Actor' bona fides. The remake doesn't look, uh, as promising.

It features the thespian stylings of rapper/custom car enthusiast Xzibit and includes the line "What? You don't have a lucky crack pipe?" delivered in the mystifying way only Nicolas Cage could. See you in Toronto!

P.S. We're calling shenanigans if we don't see Cage's ween.

Shatner's dirty old man act started when he used hand gestures to demonstrate how he has to pee in the woods, hand gestures that sort of insinuated he's packing a big dong. Then he moved on to a story about seeing a pretty girl on a train, a pretty girl he remembers so fondly that he moved his hand back and forth in front of his crotch in a masturbatory motion for emphasis. And then at the end of the interview Shatner, playfully agitated at Conan making fun of him for his inability to make the Vulcan "live long and prosper" salute, gave Conan the finger and the whole place just erupted.

All told, the entire segment is amazing. Definitely the most memorable moment to come out of the new Tonight Show so far, and something that may be remembered for a long time to come.

Video via The Tonight Show/NBC

McG, director of such films as Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and Terminator Salvation, doing press junkets to promote the release of Terminator Salvation, was talking about Christian Bale's much-publicized freakout during filming and how movie sets can be stressful environments filled with monster egos, when he casually mentioned this little story to a reporter from The Guardian:

McG declines to comment any further than he already has, but points out that movie sound stages can be stressful places where creative battles sometimes become heated. Particularly, it seems, on his sound-stages. "I'm reintroducing the fist-fight to movie sets," he smiles. "I don't think there's been a film I've made where there hasn't been some kind of physical fight. I mean, I've been headbutted by an A-list star. Square in the head. An inch later and my nose would have been obliterated." Will he be revealing any names? "Nah, I probably shouldn't," he smiles. "But it was Bill Murray. Y'know, it's a passionate industry."

Bill Murray?!?! Bill Murray is a lot of things, but he might be the absolute last guy we'd ever expect to throw a headbutt on a director during filming. Do we see him sipping cognac and playfully flirting with younger women in hotel bars, accosting people in the middle of the night in parks, and maybe wandering into a hipster party in Brooklyn and getting stoned with the kids every now and again? Yes, totally! But do we see him as someone who headbutts people at work? No, absolutely not, which all points to one thing—-McG is probably as massive a tool as his name suggests.

More Proof That Bill Murray is Really Cool [Film Drunk]
I Was Headbutted By Bill Murray [The Guardian]

Instead, Paul Telegdy and Angela Bromstad—the new heads of "alternative" and "scripted" departments, and the only two besides Silverman, Zucker, and Marc Graboff left standing after mid-December's bloodbath—are at this very moment being shoved at pitchfork-point before a crowd of salivating, Leno-curious reporters. Notes THR:

[T]he newcomers are not responsible for NBC's fall season, for the game-changing decision to put Jay Leno at 10 p.m. or NBC’s current and upcoming midseason lineup. In short: They can't really speak to most of the questions critics want to ask. Silverman and Graboff will be in the ballroom, and making themselves accessible for being cornered with tape recorders. But, let’s face it. If NBC had a successful fall season, the co-chairs would be on stage. “They're sending Paul and Angela to the wolves,” says one competitor.

An operative tells us one of the first questions asked was where Graboff and Ben Silverman were, which elicited a carefully prepared statement along the lines of, "Oh them? They're in the back of the room and will be available if critics want to ask them afterward. But we're the ones in charge of programming, and that's what TV critics are presumably interested in, instead of corporate decisions! Right? Hello? *tap tap* This thing on?"

Other noteworthy announcements: The ailing Heroes is not in danger of cancellation, and—with the return of Pushing Daisies (RIP) visionary Bryan Fuller to the fold— fans could look forward to far fewer gimmick episodes like "The One Where Everyone Swaps Powers for the Day" and "The One Where The Greatest American Hero Shows Up." And the previously thought dead Lipstick Jungle may have a little color in its cheeks yet. (But don't count on it.)

A press release follows, filling you in on all NBC's exciting spring announcements. That includes everything the network wants you to know about the sexy "mockumentary that looks at the exciting world of local government" currently referred to around NBC headquarters as The Untitled Daniels/Schur/Poehler Series, or just The Untitled Daniels-Slash for short:

NBC UNVEILS SPRING PROGRAMMING ANNOUNCEMENTS THAT INCLUDE NEW JOHN WELLS POLICE DRAMA ‘SOUTHLAND’ AND PREMIERE DATES FOR NEW ‘UNTITLED DANIELS/SCHUR/POEHLER SERIES’ AND COOKING COMPETITION SERIES ‘THE CHOPPING BLOCK’

New Drama "Kings" Re-set for Two-hour Premiere on Sundays Beginning March 15

NBC Also Orders Three Additional Episodes for Final Season of "ER" –
Moving Two-hour Series Finale to April 2

UNIVERSAL CITY, CALIF. — January 15, 2009 — NBC unveiled new spring programming announcements today that include the new John Wells drama "Southland" that will debut on Thursday, April 9 (10-11 p.m. ET) as well as premiere dates for "The Untitled Daniels/Schur/Poehler Series" (working title; Thursday, April 9, 8:30-9 p.m. ET) — starring Amy Poehler — and the new cooking competition series "The Chopping Block" (Wednesday, March 11, 8-9 p.m. ET).

In addition, the new drama "Kings" is re-set for Sundays with a two-hour premiere on March 15 (8-10 p.m. ET). Likewise, NBC has added three more episodes of "ER" moving the long-running acclaimed series' two-hour finale to Thursday, April 2 (9-11 p.m. ET) after a one-hour retrospective (8-9 p.m. ET).

These and other announcements were made today by Angela Bromstad, President, Primetime Entertainment, NBC and Universal Media Studios.

"We are excited to continue our productive creative relationship with John Wells and his team on this promising new project," said Bromstad. "We think 'Southland' is a gripping, well-executed drama with strong commercial appeal. And we're also making schedule changes that will strengthen the premieres of our new series 'Kings' and 'The Chopping Block.'"

From Emmy Award winners John Wells, Ann Biderman and Chris Chulack comes a raw and authentic look at the police unit in Los Angeles. From the beaches of Malibu to the streets of East Los Angeles, "Southland" is a fast-moving drama that will take viewers inside the lives of cops, criminals, victims and their families.

Michael Cudlitz ("A River Runs Through It") plays John Cooper a seasoned Los Angeles cop assigned to train young rookie Ben Sherman (Benjamin McKenzie, "The O.C."). Cooper's honest, no-nonsense approach to the job leaves Sherman questioning whether or not he has what it takes to become a police officer.

Cudlitz and McKenzie are joined by other cast members including Regina King ("Ray," "Jerry Maguire") who plays Detective Lydia Adams. Adams lives with and is the primary caregiver of her mother. Her partner, Detective Russell Clarke (Tom Everett Scott, "Boiler Room") is an unhappily married father of three. Michael McGrady ("The Thin Red Line") plays Detective Daniel "Sal" Salinger. Sal oversees fellow gang detectives Nate Moretta (Kevin Alejandro, "Drive," "Ugly Betty") and Sammy Bryant (Shawn Hatosy, "Alpha Dog"). Arija Bareikis ("Crossing Jordan") plays as patrol officer Chickie Brown, a single mom who dreams of being the first woman accepted into SWAT.

"Southland" is a John Wells Production in association with Warner Bros. Television. Wells, Chulack and Biderman serve as executive producers. Biderman is the creator and Chulack will also serve as director of the series.

"The Untitled Daniels/Schur/Poehler Series" (working title) — from Emmy Award-winning executive producers Greg Daniels (NBC's "The Office," "King of the Hill") and Michael Schur ("The Office, "Saturday Night Live") — is a new mockumentary that looks at the exciting world of local government. The documentary cameras follow Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler, NBC's "Saturday Night Live," "Baby Mama"), a mid-level bureaucrat in the Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee, Indiana. In an attempt to beautify her town — and advance her career — Leslie takes on what should be a fairly simple project: help local nurse Ann Logan (Rashida Jones, "The Office") take on defensive bureaucrats, selfish neighbors, real estate developers, and single-issue fanatics — whose weapons are lawsuits, the jumble of city codes, and the very democratic process that Leslie loves so much. Aziz Ansari and Aubrey Plaza also star.

"The Untitled Daniels/Schur/Poehler Series" is a production of Deedle-Dee Productions and Universal Media Studios. Along with Daniels and Schur, Howard Klein also serves as executive producer for the series.

"The Chopping Block" will feature celebrated chef and restaurateur Marco Pierre White (UK's "Hell's Kitchen") in a new original cooking competition series in which the British Michelin star chef gives neophyte hopeful chefs/restaurateurs working in couples the opportunity to compete in America's greatest restaurant challenge. The series will expose the unseen pitfalls and behind-the-scenes madness that goes into opening a restaurant in the most competitive city in the world — with the help of a grand prize of $250,000. The series is produced by Granada America. The executive producers are David Barbour and Julian Cress.

"Kings" is a riveting new drama from executive producer Michael Green (NBC's "Heroes") about a modern-day monarchy. The series is an epic story of greed and power, war and romance, forbidden loves and secret alliances — and a young hero who rises to power in a modern-day kingdom. "Kings" stars Ian McShane (Golden Globe-winner, "Deadwood"), Chris Egan, Sebastian Stan, Susanna Thompson, Allison Miller, Wes Studi, Eamonn Walker and Dylan Baker.

"Kings" is produced by Universal Media Studios and is executive-produced by Green, Erwin Stoff ("I Am Legend") and Francis Lawrence ("I Am Legend"), who also directed the two-hour premier....

UNIVERSAL MEDIA STUDIOS SIGNS FIRST-LOOK DEAL WITH ACTOR-PRODUCER-DIRECTOR DON CHEADLE AND HIS CRESCENDO PRODUCTIONS SHINGLE

• NBC's press tour schedule has critics talking [THR]

Writing a serialized drama is "an absolute bear." It is also a "very flawed way of telling stories on network television," because of the advent of DVR and online streaming, for example, Kring said, according to the report.

Serialized dramas work only if people sit in front of their TV sets on the night and at the hour the network broadcasts each episode. But now, you can watch a serialized drama whenever and wherever you want and almost all of those other means of watching episodes "are superior to watching it on the air." Sooooo, the only people watching a show — "Heroes" perhaps — at the time it's being broadcast by a network — say NBC — are the "saps and [expletives] who can't figure out how to watch it in a superior way."

Try as we might, we can't use our special powers to divine the expletive Kring used (every time we focus really hard, all we see is the word "Sheetzucacapoopoo"), but we do find it novel that he's essentially dissing the early watchers who are the sole source of next-day water cooler buzz. Let's face it, Tim, the only good way to watch Heroes isn't online or through a DVR: it's on mute, so viewers at home can redub every earnest Peter Petrelli line with dialogue from a superior Milo Ventimiglia production: Poolside Nachos — Uh-Oh!

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Rosie: Trauma on 'The View' [Washington Post]

After the jump: Whoa. Whooaa.

· Warners is producing Control-Alt-Delete, a high-concept spec described as Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure meets The Matrix. [THR]
· Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang is stepping down from his post. Farewell, Jerry Yang. We hardly knew ye. [Variety]

NBC Entertainment co-chair Ben Silverman isn't going to get all the blame for the network's lackluster fall schedule.

With yesterday's cancellation of two NBC shows produced by sister company Universal - "Lipstick Jungle," which starred Brooke Shields, and "My Own Worst Enemy," which featured Christian Slater -culpability falls on Universal Media Studio President Katherine Pope, who oversaw both doomed series.

"They call her the black widow. Every program she touches turns to death," growled our source. "She is on very thin ice." Pope also produced flash-in-the-pan series "Bionic Woman."

Of course, none of NBC's other new shows - "Knight Rider," "Kath & Kim" and "Crusoe" - has become a hit, either. But Silverman, 37, has been able to cut costs at the network and seems to be satisfying his bosses, particularly NBC chairman Jeff Zucker.

If this "it's her fault, not Ben's fault" maneuver seems familiar, it's because people were blaming his EVP Teri Weinberg for NBC's problems a mere two months ago. How can Silverman be responsible for hiring people who are bad at their jobs, or be expected to actually watch and oversee the shows the network creates? He's busy throwin' back brewskis with Seacrest, people! Quit harshin' his buzz!

• 'BLACK WIDOW' EFFECT AT NBC [Page Six]

Sure, when Heroes premiered in 2006, it had a couple of things going for it, namely: freshness, a good villain, and a series of wicked, show-ending cliffhangers. Still, the problems that EW and the NYT are citing in the current season were with Heroes from the start.

The show has always had too many characters, and even in the first season, many lacked a compelling reason to be there. That season was clogged with storylines (like the yawn-inducing travails of narrator Mohinder) that practically demanded to be fast-forwarded through, and the revelation that the show's writers were assigned separate plotlines in each episode instead of writing full scripts on their own is only partially to blame for the show's whiplashing segues. Eventually, the more interesting characters were saddled with so many powerful abilities that they needed to be repeatedly incapacitated to move the plot along, causing heroes like the time-jumping Hiro to become annoyingly extraneous.

Also, the acting is, uh... well, just watch this clip. Yeah, it's at least campy, but in a "best show on the Sci-Fi Channel" kind of way. Actually not even that, because they have Battlestar Galactica. So maybe in a "third or fourth best show on the Sci-Fi Channel" kind of way. All we're saying is that if a show is desperately hanging onto an actress like Ali Larter, it won't exactly be burning up the Emmys.

Heroes doesn't need to be saved — it's always been like this. Sometimes, when the shock of the new wears off, reappraisals like this can occur (in much the same way, America has finally come to grips with its embarrassing Life is Beautiful phase). Don't head to Heroes expecting great acting, skillful plotting, and emotional resonance. Enjoy it for what it is meant to be: a showcase for Milo Ventimiglia to take off his shirt.

• Flagging ‘Heroes’ Attempts Self-Rescue [NY Times]

Fine's logic is exactly that: literal and emotionally detached from the enduringly riveting qualities of shows like Mad Men, 30 Rock, The Simpsons, Grey's Anatomy and a handful of others. But wouldn't the outrage following those and other great programs' predetermined self-destruction after 12 or so episodes would be preferable to their having eventually squandered their legacies on so-called stunt-casting and/or firing controversies? Doesn't going out gracefully a la Rome or The Wire allow for a better fan memory (and presuppose a bump in DVD sales)? Can't we avoid syndication hell with Friends and Two-and-a-Half Men?

Yes, yes, and yes, writes Fine, who points to the UK as an example of doing things right:

I have two words for you: The Office. And one more: Extras. Both of Ricky Gervais’ original British TV series ran for two six-episode seasons (followed by a special). [...] The British seem to do that with regularity: create a series meant to run for a single season of episodes. Period. Think about Prime Suspect, for example, the incredibly complex and compelling show in which Helen Mirren played a police inspector battling the old-boy network as well as her own personal demons.

It ran as a limited series in 1991 – and, yes, it came back six more times (Prime Suspect: The Final Act aired in 2006), but never two seasons in a row. And even then, each series rarely ran for more than four hours – total. It only seemed to resurface when they’d fashioned a plot that was worthy of DCI Jane Tennison’s time – and ours.

And yes again: We know the networks' economic imperatives require beating things like Lost and Heroes to death. But! When they decide to get as serious as the rest of us, we're in — just as long as nobody touches Tyler Perry's House of Payne. We really do need something to hold us over in those three-month gaps between Madea movies.

• A modest proposal (to end TV as we know it) [Hollywood and Fine via THND]

Green conceived the story for The Freshman with Hugh Sterbakov, who penned the title with an assist from illustrator Leonard Kirk; Green and Sterbakov are currently scripting the film. Set on a socially stratified college campus, the Top Cow series follows the misadventures of a group of dejected students who acquire peculiar abilities after a lab mishap irradiates them.

io9: How did you decide The Freshmen would make a good movie?
Seth Green: Hugh and I conceived this a couple years ago as a film. What we found was the marketplace at the time was really unreceptive to comic-book properties. X-Men had just come out, and people were still hesitant to believe that a comic book could translate cause it had so much baggage [plot-wise]. So we had an opportunity to make a comic, and we said, “Well, fuck it. Let’s just entrench it in the marketplace.” Although the movie actually will be different than the book.

io9: It would have to be. First of all, there would be a whole lot of vomit.
Green: [Laughs] You know, honestly, Elwood [who can intoxicate others when he’s drunk] remains largely unchanged. He’s got it hard because he’s a straight-A dude who doesn’t really indulge in anything, and his views are so conservative. And the one night that he tries something new, like lets his hair down [by getting drunk], he gets fucked for life.

io9: So how will the movie be different from the book?
Green: The kids aren’t going to wear costumes, obviously. Except for Paula [who can enchant anyone into falling in love with her] and [the group’s powerless leader] Norrin. Cause Paula makes her costume, and Norrin—the costume’s all he’s got. We also had to eliminate characters just for the sake of telling a story in the most concise way. I don’t want to really talk about who, but it’s a heartbreaking thing to do.

io9: Is Ray, whose superpower is essentially having a huge penis, going to stay?
Green: Oh yeah. What I’m touching on are these personalities, and what happens to kids and where they’re coming from and what they go through. And how they become who they are. And that kid, that path—oh my gosh! All I can say is it’s gonna be heartbreaking.

io9: Not to be crass, but I just have visions of Boogie Nights.
Green: It’ll never be that graphic. But he does use it as a weapon. You know, it’s long and indestructible. [Laughs] I mean, there’s a protective sheath constructed for him.

io9: Clearly, this is an R-rated movie!
Green: Yeah, definitely. Your college experience should be rated R.

io9: Will the movie cover the origin story told in volume one, which also touches on the mad scientist’s evil plot?
Green: Essentially. So much of what works well in a comic won’t work well in a movie. So thematically we’re just addressing it. The Beaver [a character who’s turned into the animal] is prominent in the film, but I don’t know that we’ll get into that dam.

io9: You’ve said you’re looking at a $35 million budget.
Green: Hey, it’s all estimations. We haven’t budgeted the script or anything like that. But I know that I need this Beaver to exist in real life. And I know that’s gonna be expensive computer-generated graphics, over like 15 percent of the film. This isn’t an effects driven movie, though. This is a character-driven movie.

io9: Sort of like a purgatory tale.
Green: It’s similar to that. We do play it for laughs, but at the same time this is a very grounded story about real kids dealing with something significant. The changes that you go through when you leave high school and go to college are huge. You’re embracing your own identity for the first time, telling the whole world who you will be for the rest of your life. This is a world where superpowers don’t exist. And I’m not talking first season of Heroes. This is today, this is actually happening, this is right now.

io9: Did you go to college?
Green: I did not go to college. (A) I had terrible entry scores—I’m a bad tester, and (B) I was already working professionally in the field that I was pursuing. So it just seemed silly for me to spend my time in a scholastic environment. [Instead] I went to the used bookstore and just bought a ton of stuff that I wanted to read.

io9: Wouldn’t it be tough, then, to direct a movie about the college experience?
Green: Oh, I spent a ton of time at colleges. All of my friends were in school, and that’s where I’d discuss with them what their experiences were. It was really just responsibility for the first time. For the first time in someone’s life, they set their own alarm; they do or don’t go to school; they do or don’t eat properly. You know? They do or don’t do all the things they’ve been instructed are crucial. That’s what I’m fascinated by.

io9: How far along are you with the script?
Green: Well, we wrote a script and we wanna take another pass at it, but we got it on paper.

io9: Have you sold it?
Green: I spent a bunch of time talking to George Lucas about how he makes his movies. And I really like his philosophies. So we’re writing it, and we’re figuring it all out. I spent a good deal of time producing over the last eight years, so this kind of thing I can handle. We’re gonna partner up with somebody we believe in and who believes in us, and make the movie that we wanna make. At press time, we haven’t picked a producer.

io9: Would you reach out to George Lucas or Joss Whedon for advice about directing?
Green: Absolutely, yes, always. When you’re fortunate enough to get to work with masters, without being a nuisance, take advantage of that.

io9: When would you ideally like to start production?
Green: Um, well, schedule really becomes a product of availability. Hugh has a show that he’s sold to the Sci Fi network. He’s doing a bit of work on that right now. I’ve got Robot Chicken—we just wrapped [another] Star Wars [episode], which is gonna be out Nov. 16. Then I have a movie in April. So it always becomes about where do you put it? But what I will say is that I wanna make this movie. I’m really excited about it. I’m really excited to show it to people.

io9: What do you think of Hollywood’s almost indiscriminate love for comic books now?
Green: It’s making a universe. It’s creating, like, a taxable marketplace. I think that’s what Marvel’s been doing so succinctly: trying to combine all their franchises into something that’s just really serving the fan. What’s nice is that Hollywood studios are essentially banks and don’t really care what the content is as long as it’s turning a profit. They become more and more willing to trust these storytellers who’ve been telling good stories all along.

io9: Yet if you talk to most comics creators and editors, they’d probably argue they’re more or less left out of the process.
Green: Well, you know, everybody’s got their process. As a filmmaker I’m just excited by the prospect of a filmmaker putting their stamp on something that they already love. Jon Favreau was a huge Iron Man fan and look what he gave us.

io9: But there are comic-book companies that solely want to develop…
Green: I know. There is no such thing as selling out anymore. 50 Cent who is the hardest gangster—or at least sold as the hardest gangster around—made $50 million selling Vitamin Water. If you don’t have a clothing line and a record or a comic book or a scent, then you’re just not participating. And it’s a funny thing to accept, as a citizen of the world. I hope this doesn’t sound disingenuous, but I’m not driven by financial gain. All my life I’ve liked to make stuff. And I’ve found myself in a position of opportunity to make some of the things I’ve been wanting to for a long time. And I’m just taking every advantage of it, absolutely.

io9: How big of a comics fan are you?
Green: I think there’s a misconception about me and the size of my comic-book geekiness. I grew up reading comic books. My dad and I did together, and I learned how to draw and I got interested in that storytelling. But around ’96, I just flat-out stopped buying them. The whole collecting market started frustrating me cause all of these companies were doing these ridiculous multiple printings with different covers to gouge the average fan. And I just found the whole thing grotesque and turned my back on it.

io9: Do you want to make anymore comics?
Green: I didn’t write The Freshman. We co-conceived the characters and the stories. I haven’t really given [creating more comics] a lot of thought. You know Geoff Johns is a buddy of mine, and he writes comics all the time. Oh my gosh, that guy is awesome. He and Matt [Senreich, Robot Chicken’s other co-creator] are going to make a movie. But, no, I haven’t really thought about it cause I haven’t had a story I wanted to tell in that medium.

io9: If Joss asked you, would you ever consider taking on the Buffy comic?
Green: See, I don’t think I’m instinctive for those characters or that content. I always put myself in their hands. I was like, “Write me something awesome.” And they never disappointed. I don’t think I’d be a good candidate. I don’t think I have valuable instincts for those characters.

io9: What was your costume this Halloween?
Green: I’ve prepared a Dr. Henry Jones Sr. costume. I love Sean Connery in The Last Crusade. I was Axl Rose one year. That was a very strong costume.

io9: Superficially, you’d appear to have a fascination with Amish people—what with The Freshman’s Amish character, Liam, as well as your role in Sex Drive.
Green: I dressed up as an Amish person when I went with [actor] Todd Grinnell to the Playboy party a few years ago. But I don’t really have some kind of fascination. It’s just come up a bunch recently.

io9: Can you tell me a little about the upcoming Star Wars episode of Robot Chicken?
Green: Oh my gosh, I cannot wait for people to watch this. It exceeded all of my expectations. We have a little bit of a linear story—we kinda discuss the bounty hunters. I’ve always been interested in those guys and who they are and how they got there. Do they have agents, or did they answer an ad? Do those guys compete all the time? Do they hate each other? Are there rivalries? What’s the story? So, start to finish, it’s the bounty hunters story. And mixed up throughout are channel flips that are all over the universe and timeline.

io9: You’re all over the place lately. What can you tell me about your upcoming spot on Heroes?
Green: Oh, I can’t [laughs].

io9: I know that you and your old buddy Breckin Meyer play comic-book nerds in Atlanta who help one of the Heroes.
Green: You possibly know more than I’m allowed to tell you. Yeah, Breckin and I are both in it. And all our scenes are together.

io9: And shots from the set reveal that you have a beard that sorta makes you look like Morgan from Chuck.
Green: Oh. Wow. That hurts a little bit.

io9: Oh, please. You know the girls love you, Seth.
Green: [laughs]

io9: Would you ever do another Star Trek spoof on Robot Chicken and have Zachary Quinto voice Spock?
Green: Not for Star Trek, no. Zach came on and did a Sylar bit for us. And he did some other stuff. He is so funny. He has got to do a comedy, cause he always plays these really scary and serious characters and he’s so fucking funny. We don’t have any new Star Trek bits. We want to see the movie first.

io9: The next episode of Entourage is intriguingly titled, “Seth Green Day.” Explain.
Green: [Creator] Doug Ellin asked me if I wanted to come and do something. And I was like, “Of course I do!” [Laughs] And me and Kevin Connolly get to fight some more. That’s funny. It’s so silly.

top Seth Green photo courtesy of bonniegrrl

On last night's action-packed episode, Forster reprised his role as the previously-thought-dead Petrelli family patriarch. Our initial fears that evaporated Oscar chances and a recurring role on Huff had inflicted unspeakable damage upon his physical well-being were quickly put to rest when Forster began laying his hands on various deathbed well-wishers, thereby sucking away their youthful supervitality and melting away the years. (We imagine Joan Rivers employs a similar technique.) In the scene above, his own son—played with convincing, Windex-conducting intensity by Milo Ventimiglia—falls victim to Forster's devious ways, stripping Ventimiglia of all his special gifts, including the one where he pretends to care about Japanese dolphins long enough to get inside some indestructable-cheerleader spanky pants.

• Heroes [NBC]

The clip, after the jump:

• Declare Yourself: The Muzzler [YouTube]

Boomp3.com

Heroes star Hayden Panettiere must’ve wished that she cold use her super powers to make a parking ticket disappear over the weekend. Panettiere assumed that the parking enforcement officer must’ve been stalking her, because Panettiere could've swore that she had a couple of minutes left on the meter. Panettiere then wondered if she would be able to cover the cost of the ticket. Inch by inch, Panettiere removed the ticket from the envelope and was stunned to discover a thirty-five dollar fine. Panettiere said, “Looks like I have to sell some stuff on Craigslist to cover the cost of this one.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

I’m very aware of all the blog sites and the kind way that they’ve treated me. I met Perez Hilton at a Super Bowl party in Miami. He walked past me, and I stopped him and said, “Excuse me. Hey, my name is Milo. You gotta do me a favor: Next time you post a picture of me, just put tons of come on my face. Tons. I mean, load it up.”

While we're sure Hilton will be all too happy to oblige, we can't help but worry that Ventimiglia may have given strike-sapped Heroes creator Tim Kring some unsavory new ideas for the latter half of Season 3. Should the unrated DVD collection contain a Peter Petrelli bukkake scene (with the most disturbing cry of Hiro's "YATTA!" thus far filmed), Ventimiglia will only have brought it on himself — literally.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Big Gay Following: Milo Ventimiglia [The Advocate]

Dave scores his first points by feigning interest in an updated report on whatever current catfights have been set up by MTV producers between the interchangeable Hills blondes, then swiftly admitting he "has no idea" what he's talking about. But the slam dunks occur after successfully recruiting the audience to his side of the increasingly tense verbal battle, and launching into an initially innocent inquiry about rumors Pratt charges fees just to show up at nightclubs.

Pratt's decision to surpass Linda Evangelista in braggart pretension by saying (twice! and with the support of camera-ready partner in crime Heidi Montag in the green room!) he won't get out of bed for less than $100k with a straight face spurs genuine belly laughs and the classic Letterman customized-to-each-guest rebuttal: "Stop it, just stop. For a second there, I thought you actually said $100,000." But he doesn't stop there, asking Heidi if this "nonsense" is true, and pondering out loud about what kind of tricks Pratt performs to garner this fee ("bring a pony and have kids take their picture with it?"). By the time he passive-aggressively tells Spencer to get his scrawny ass and enormous head to get the fuck off his couch, Dave officially reclaims his late-night crown and reaffirms our confidence in the recently dusty goofball's improvised wizardry.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]