Curtis Jackson, aka rapping singer "Fifty Cents", keeps being in movies. His next one is about corrupt police officers and costars a crackerjack cast of Chris Klein, Adam Rodriguez, and Richard T. Jones. The film is being shepherded under the auspices of Jackson's new production house, called Cheetah Vision films. The company is also working on an adaptation of Jekyll & Hyde to costar Forest Whitaker. One hopes that means Jekyll & Hyde the Broadway musical. One really, really hopes. [Variety]

Lurking through television's seediest corners like some sort of hobo superhero, Brian Austin Green continues to pick up bizarre, vaguely depressing TV gigs. Fresh off the canceled (sniff) Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, ol' Davey Silver might join the cast of One Tree Hill for its seventh landmark season. He'd play a cocky, youngish sports agent named Clayton, because very few people on that show have normal names. [THR]

And let's just keep the good TV news coming. It was touch and go there for a while, because maybe America's kids just keep getting older or there was that invasive mouth surgery that was gonna happen just to see what the hell is really going on with that. But in the end, hope and dreams won out. The Disney Channel has ordered a fourth season of Miley Cyrus' beautiful show Hannah Montana. Billy Ray dances and chuckles at the moon. [Variety]

American charmer Alyssa Milano has signed on to star in the romantic comedy My Girlfriend's Boyfriend, which is probably a lot less kinky of a movie than it sounds. Considering Beau Bridges and Christopher Gorham are costars. [THR]

Richard Shepard has signed on to direct the film The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, which I think is about me right now because I just found out that the Commonwealth of Massachusetts thinks I owe them $800 in three-year-old taxes. Which is a lie! [THR]

Oh never mind, I'm happy again. A Where's Waldo? movie. Finally. [Variety]

1) 17 Again — $24.1 million
Oh man does everyone love Zac Efron. Not only did the gooey film about Chandler from Friends turning back the clock and becoming basketball star Troy Bolton handily win the top box office spot this beautiful spring weekend, but it earned a very good A- CinemaScore from the giddy exiting audience. Excited fans ranged from nine-year-old Vanessa Montez who squealed "I haven't pooped my pants that many times since Delgo!" to forty-two-year-old Dwayne Abernathy who quietly mumbled "it was worth breaking parole for, though it was hard finding a theater seat that was 1,100 feet from any of the children." He fiddled with a crumpled newspaper that he held over his crotch and then walked off toward where he'd parked his bicycle, which had been, unbeknownst to him, mangled and stolen by some local teenagers. Though, Dwayne isn't mad at them. He can't stay mad at them.

2) State of Play — $14.1 million
No one really wants to see adult drama/thrillers anymore. Even if they feature a long-haired Russell Crowe and Helen Mirren sitting sternly behind a desk. But the newspapermen as heroes pic wasn't a disaster by any means, it just wasn't as big a debut as some had hoped. Though it still beat Body of Lies, the other badly-titled Crowe picture that sputtered at the box office in the last six months. For her part Rachel McAdams just figures that if it does better than The Lucky Ones, then everything's all right with her.

4) Hannah Montana: The Movie — $12.7 million
Though losing two thirds of its opening weekend audience, this Oscar favorite is still trotting along quite nicely. Those eager to see the long, awkward father-daughter bolero dance that was rumored to be featured after the end credits were at first disappointed, then elated, then needed to go home when they discovered that waiting for them at the end was, instead, a video of swoony costar Lucas Till doing the choreography from the recent Xanadu musical's finale. An exiting audience member, 42-year-old "Jwayne Dabernathy", was quoted as saying "I haven't pooped my pants that many times since Kitt Kitredge."

5) Crank: High Voltage — $6.5 million
A small mess for Jason Statham, who has scared up surprisingly high box office with his Transporter movies and the original Crank. But this one failed to connect with audiences, who had bigger and better movies to see this weekend. Most of the tickets were purchased by confused meth heads, who wandered over to the cineplex like zombies in Dawn of the Dead, hoping to taste a powerful new batch. One tweeker was heard muttering that he "shit" on "my parole," before he staggered aimlessly into Monsters vs. Aliens and began uncontrollably weeping.

6) Observe & Report — $4.1 million
I think this can now be called a definitive box office failure. The Seth Rogen comedy—he's supposed to be the biggest laff-riot in the world right now!—has only raked in a little pile of leaves worth $18 million in its first two weeks out. Though this might also say something about the dark overtones of the film, what with the date rape controversy and the scary Ray Liotta factor. If only they'd had Zac Efron play a chipper, charming Foot Locker employee or Miley Cyrus and her cowboy boyfriend play a couple getting Glamor Shots together. Then people would have come (and, for some, come) in droves.

Also, Demi Lovato wears fake hair, ROFL!!1!!!. We're terribly disappointed that the hacker didn't seize his chance to start a Twitter feud with the Kutchers ("@aplusk: more like ass-cot!!!"), add the missing, terrible stanzas to Miley's duet with Margaret Cho, or pit inappropriate suitors Justin Gaston and Stephen Baldwin against each other in a battle royale that would begin with chest shaving and end in church on Sunday. The screenshots (courtesy of ONTD) are below.

• Miley's twitter got hacked. [ONTD]

"I am so upset by Miley Cyrus, I think it warrants a song!" Cho said on her blog today, before revealing a lyric sheet that would make even Rosie O'Donnell blush:

Miley Cyrus made some chinky eyes
Standing behind an Asian guy
I don't know if this should fly
As if there wasn't enough to despise

I wasn't necessarily a fan of
Her, her dad, or Hannah Montana
I tend to prefer the songs of Rihanna
Racism against Asians is simply bananas!

Oh Miley!
Chinky eyes make you look wily
prejudice isn't thought of so highly
it doesn't make us all smiley

Why is there nothing that Asians can do?
To make fun of other races as easily as you
Why isn't racism against Asians taboo?
Why are we always so racially screwed!

All you have to do is pull at your face
To make your eyelids resemble our race
This kind of joke has no proper place
Miley Cyrus is a disgrace!

To what tune it's supposed to be sung, we cannot guess; however, we're already brushing up on our electric slide and waiting for Fandango to promote Cyrus's upcoming, Cho-penned spectacular in which the song will appear: "Hanna Montana: Racially Caricatured Tween Flameout 3-D!"

• Oh Miley [Margaret Cho Blog]

Appearing today on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet (the daytime chatfest hosted by Spaghetti Cat), Baldwin showed off the tattoo of Hannah Montana's initials that he had inked in a bid to appear on the Miley Cyrus-toplined show. Sadly, this misguided attempt to book an acting gig produced nothing but some strong guffaws from Cyrus, a round of boos from the confused Mike and Juliet audience, and Baldwin's preliminary placement on the Megan's Law registry. [The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet]

"Oh, to tell you the truth now, this thing got a lot bigger, a lot quicker than I ever planned," Miley Cyrus' dad told reporters at the CMA Awards in Nashville Wednesday.

"It's a double-edge sword for me because first of all, I have a great deal of respect for President-elect Obama," Cyrus said. "I just mentioned about them being on the show, and it snowballed."

Cyrus says he isn't sure it was a good idea for Obama's daughters to be on TV, anyway.

"As a daddy, I'll say to him what I say to any daddy, you may not want your daughter to get into show business," he warned.

Certainly, if the Obama girls came back from Hannah Montana emboldened enough to eat their shirts, date underwear models, and send scandalous texts (or crayon drawings, whichevs) to Beau Biden, Obama might regret letting them have their chance at Hollywood stardom. Still, the president-elect is said to be mulling over an offer from Scarlett Johansson to allow wife Michelle to co-star in her next film, though he is troubled by the lack of a script, faraway location (Siberia), and multi-year shooting schedule Johansson is claiming would be necessary. Anything for art, Barack!

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Billy Ray Backtracks on Obama Girls' Hannah Montana Invite [Us]

Boomp3.com

Another day, another Mileuary celebration for Disney mega star Miley Cyrus at West Hollywood sweet spot, Millions of Shakes. Mileuary is a month long celebration of all things Miley including a party at Disneyland and trips to the local ice cream parlor. Cyrus believes that she has planned one heck of a party on which to end Mileuary. Cyrus said, “I rented out the club Rage for the final event and we’re going to go off like no other. Milkshakes for everybody in West Hollywood that night. Drink it up.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Billy Ray Cyrus doesn't have a beef with his 15-year-old daughter Miley dating 20-year-old aspiring musician Justin Gaston.

"He actually reminds me a lot of myself when I was 20-years-old and I was living and searching for the dream," Billy Ray tells Access Hollywood of the model (and former Nashville Star contestant).

"He's got a great heart and soul, and a lot of determination," Billy Ray added. "I think that's the true measure of a man, is when you measure his heart."

That, or the measurement of his International Jock thong! While we can't blame Miley for wooing Gaston, we do have to question a certain level of age-appropriate behavior — after all, what 15-year-old teen queen would invite the 46-year-old Steve Carell to her birthday party? He's married, Miley — hands off!

• Billy Ray Cyrus: Miley's Older Beau "Reminds Me a Lot of Myself" [Us]

Boomp3.com

Embattled Disney tween mega star Miley Cyrus proved to the world that she has nothing up her sleeves nor any intention of pulling a practical joke on nearby civilians. Its been rumored that Hannah Montana has been tormenting the sleepy Toluca Lake community with a wave of ding dong ditches and late night Huffy bicycle races. Yet Cyrus remained steadfast in denial of being involved in any shenanigans. Cyrus said, “That wasn’t me, y’all. I’m just too busy to ding dong ditch somebody unless it was that cranky old Mr. Cruthers. He’s soooo weird. Okay, I ding dong ditched his house, but that was it.”

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Our spies on the set tell us Miley has bragged that she will get fired, making it clear she wants to focus on singing and not the show. For his part, Billy Ray has also made it clear that there is more money in singing than a Disney cable show. As a result, the father-daughter team has been showing up to the set ridiculously late, stalling production and infuriating cast and crew.

Emily Osment, who plays Lilly Truscott, used to be extremely tight with Miley. Now we're told Emily is so bitter she literally turns away from Miley after each scene. We're told Emily's dad got in a screaming match with Billy Ray, complaining he and Miley were unprofessional.

Sources tell us Billy Ray has told people on the set that he and Miley will do 12 more episodes and then they are out. Disney was so pissed they called his agent, railing that Billy Ray and Miley were ingrates. Disney insisted that Billy Ray and Miley not only finish the 24 episode season — but Disney was adding six more episodes.

Cyrus denies the report, telling People that she is "fully committed" to Hannah Montana, but Disney is no doubt buzzing over the rumors. Be careful, Miley: though a career outside Disney may seem enticing, that Toluca Lake waitress who bears a striking, saddened resemblance to a certain ex-Lizzie McGuire star may have a few regretful words on the subject.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Disney to Miley: Face the Music or Else! [TMZ]

• Miley Cyrus 'Fully Committed to Hannah Montana' [People]

Boomp3.com

Underwear model/country crooner Justin Gatson thought his budding relationship with teen megastar Miley Cyrus hit a stumbling block after receiving the dreaded 'peace out.' Gatson assumed that things were going well despite their slight age gap, and they had some fun times like going to CityWalk, Old Towne Pasadena and FroYo. Cyrus turned around and said, “I’m not peaceing out on us. I’m peaceing out because I’m not allowed to stay out past 11 or eat anything or get wet. It’s like that movie, Gremlins. We’re awesome though. It’s just that I need to go home.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Just Jared has the bare facts backstory:

Earlier today, Miley Cyrus was seen attending Saturday morning church service with buff-bodied Nashville Star hottie Justin Gaston, who’s also an underwear model.

The 15-year-old Disney sensation and the 20-year-old hunk were accompanied by Miley’s family. Justin is originally from Louisiana and left home at age 17 to pursue a career in music, while supporting himself as a model.

Oweing less to acclaimed photographer Annie Liebovitz and more to InternationalJock.com, the pictures still show off some of Gaston's best assets — something, alas, we cannot say about this shaky version of "Hey There Delilah" from his stint on Nashville Star:

Voted off the country competition after only his third song, at least Gaston has landed on his most-assuredly bare feet. Good luck with Hannah Montana, Josh — and thanks for your sterling contribution to Defamer's Male Pulchritude Day!

[Photo Credit: internationaljock.com]

• Miley Cyrus — Justin Gaston is an Underwear Model! [JustJared]

Boomp3.com

The baristas (baristi?) at a Toluca Lake coffee shop reached their breaking point with frequent customer Miley Cyrus over the weekend. According to one barista who spoke on the condition of anonymity, Cyrus’ frequent abuse of the homey atmosphere of the store may lead to her permanent eviction. They said, “We don’t mind it when people come in and hang out. We encourage it, but you have to buy a drink first. It’s the unspoken rule. She usually doesn’t order a drink until after an hour or two of just hanging out.” Apparently, Cyrus was in the store on Sunday for over forty-five minutes before placing her order for a caramel mocchachino with skim. It was at that point that Steve, the manager, warned her that she had just gotten her second strike.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

A group of photographers broke up tween superstar Miley Cyrus and Dancing With The Stars contestant Cody Linley's night at the drive in movies on Tuesday. Apparently, the windows of Linley's automobile were getting too foggy preventing the capture of special or magic moment between the Hannah Montana stars. Another photographer asked if he could hop into the back seat of the car because he really wanted to watch Disaster Movie. The twosome shrugged their shoulders and allowed the man to join them in back under one condition: he gets the deluxe nachos combo and a large cherry Icee with two red vines to act as straws.

Photo Credit: X17

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

The 11th annual Gay Days event, which attracted 30,000 gays and lesbians to the park last year, actually takes place October 3-5. Gay Days describes itself as a "mix-in with straight parkgoers," where the LGBT crowd wears red shirts. Gay Days is not Disney-sponsored, so park operators will not have official regulation over the event.

We're told that Miley's party will indeed be well-removed from the Gay Days celebration, with her 5,000-strong contingent expected to squeeze into the redoubt of Sleeping Beauty's Castle and one lucky ticketbuyer selected at random to keep an eye on Nick Jonas at the door. Just in case! Check out Disney's ticket site (and turn down your speaker volume first, seriously) for your chance to win!

• ET Exclusive: Miley Cyrus' Sweet 16 at Disneyland! [ET]
• Miley to Celebrate Sweet 16 With Disney Gays [The Advocate]

As we noted last month, another astonishingly mature-looking 15-year old at the House of Mouse was rumored to be crowned The Next Miley: Selena Gomez, star of some kind of Clarissa Explains It All reincarnation called Wizards Of Waverly Place. And yet another 15-year old Disney starlet, Demi Lovato, is teaming up with Gomez to steadily out-scandalize Cyrus. Back in May, the competitors were seen wearing matching black bikinis in a very touchy-feely series of self-released leaked photos set in a hot tub. And Lovato, a dead ringer for Shannon Elizabeth circa-American Pie, recently nabbed the lead in Disney's upcoming Welcome To Mollywood, which sounds like a sneaky attempt on the network's part to both steal Defamer's own Molly Duo's collective thunder (not to mention, uh, Mollywood's!), and focus all their efforts on introducing Lovato as, well, the new Miley.

Miley's response to all the impending de-crowning? As Female First reports,

"Miley has revealed talented Disney actresses Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato have no chance of being 'the next Miley' because there is only one. She said: 'People are looking up to what I do. But, I don't think there could be a next Miley. I think they should be the next Selena, Demi. Make their own way.'"

Thanks for clearing that up, Miley! Not only did you just proclaim that all your fans are "looking up to" your homemade pornos, but managed to spark a tween battle reminiscent of Lohan Vs. Duff. This is going to get good...

[Photo credits: Egotastic, Hollywood Grind]

• MILEY MIGHT BE GUNNING FOR RACY FILM ROLE [MSNBC]
• MILEY CYRUS TO STRIP ON SCREEN [Female First]

boomp3.com

In between shots of her latest music video, Disney golden goose Miley Cyrus held a bubble gum chewing contest. Cyrus wanted to see who could stretch their gum out the furthest, but most competitors quit after the first round after realizing how gross it was. Yet, the Hannah Montana star trucked on and managed to get her gum all way from the beach to the Pacific Ocean with the aid of a few friends.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Lindsay Lohan v. Hilary Duff: As silly, catty and pointless as the battle for waste of space Aaron Carter was back in 2003, freckle-faced Lindsay Lohan and healthy Hilary Duff spent years exchanging passive-aggressive jabs aimed at each other via bad songs, magazine interviews, and of course, endless false claims that things were Totally Cool! between the two. The feud was memorably spoofed in this 2004 SNL clip in which Lindsay assures the world there's no truth to her feuds with Duff (as portrayed by Rachel Dratch).

Lauren Conrad v. Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Conrad vs. Heidi Montag: After spending a few shameful years with our eyes glued to the insanely gorgeous cast of MTV's Laguna Beach, the series ended its wildly successful run with a focus on the brewing animosity between good girl LC and bad girl with bigger boobs Kristin Cavallari. Over an irritatingly boring boy, of course. But Lauren Conrad's girl trouble didn't stop there. Along with the rumored cat pee-based tension between Lauren and silicone-enhanced roommate Audrina Patridge on The Hills, the entire point of the show has always circled around her hatred of hip hop star/runaway bride of Frankenstein, Heidi Montag. High-pitched screaming fights both seen on-camera and gossiped about endlessly off-camera, have been reported for what feels like centuries. And yet, and yet...how to look away?

Shannen Doherty v. Entire Beverly Hills: 90210 Cast: Doherty landed the career-changing part of Brenda Walsh in 1990 at the age of 19, and almost as soon as the epic series wrapped its first few episodes, rumors were rampant that her on-screen catty demeanor was not a result of magnificent acting. After just four years, Brenda’s character was shipped off to Paris and replaced by the sexier Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. Why? Long story short, Doherty made a series of bizarre decisions off-camera: trashing hotel rooms, adding two quickie marriages followed by two quickie divorces to her personal resume, giving paparazzi the bird, and most memorably, appearing in uncomfortably unsexy nudie spreads in Playboy.

• DISNEY STAR SELENA GOMEZ: I'M NOT FEUDING WITH MILEY [People]

Cyrus responded with a bitter recollection that underscores the sorry current state of Hollywood flackism, explaining that he left the set feeling "everything was in control...Her publicist was there." Pressed for his reactions to the photo, Cyrus then offered a series of increasingly inscrutable downhomeisms—beginning with a relatively low-difficulty poop-stomping metaphor, and eventually working his way up to one involving turkey-neck-lengths that our dull urbanite brains never fully managed to grasp.

• The Today Show

Most recently, those Playboy-esque shots of Miley allegedly created for Nickelodeon heartthrob Nick Jonas caused quite the sensation, but lo and behold, here we have an actual shot of the two making out. And back in 2006 when she was just 14, she was snapped kissing a very crush-worthy guy named Thomas Sturges, though the press has yet to get any background information on who the lucky guy was. And not to be picky or anything, but Miley kinda already kissed her co-star Cody Linley in her wildly successful Hannah Montana movie. Sure, it was "acting," but if it looks like a kiss, walks like a kiss and salivates like a kiss, it sure as hell counts.

Even more baffling is why the pap agencies are so eager to discover this infamous first Miley Cyrus kiss when photos of her playing tongue twister with a girlfriend have been circling for months. Not to mention this past January's red carpet appearance when Miley lunged in for the kill on little miss Ashley Tisdale. Just a bit of advice to the "tsunami" of paps awaiting that cash money shot: feel free to shoot us an email and we'll haggle a bit over the price, k?

[Photo credits: Dotspotter, Poponut, Wallpaperama,
, Backseatcuddler]

• PAPARAZZI HAVE THEIR LENSES ON MILEY CYRUS [LAT]